-
4 votes
-
UN rebukes Finland for violating rights of its children held in Syria camps – child rights committee says Helsinki must do more to repatriate those detained
3 votes -
Nick Cave lost two sons. His fans then saved his life.
3 votes -
Darren Hayes looks back: ‘What you can’t see is how unhappy I was’
3 votes -
Britney Spears posts 22-minute audio addressing conservatorship
7 votes -
Thermal paste and toddlers
Last night my daughter's toddler bed fell apart and I had to fix it. Some screws had come loose so it was an easy fix. Brought my toolbox into their (her and her twin brother's) room around bed...
Last night my daughter's toddler bed fell apart and I had to fix it. Some screws had come loose so it was an easy fix. Brought my toolbox into their (her and her twin brother's) room around bed time, fixed the bed, then began the usual bedtime routine. My wife and I left the room and that was that.
Except I left my toolbox in there because I'm forgetful. And you'd think the pokey screwdrivers, gardening shears, and other dangerous tools in there would've been a problem, but nope. My kids weren't interested in that stuff. They pulled out my chalk line and unspooled it. Fortunately it had been heavily used in a project recently, so there wasn't much chalk in it. But they really seemed to like the small, mostly-empty tube of thermal paste I keep in there for computer projects.
If anyone has used thermal paste, you know how incredibly messy it is. It's this thick, dark paste that gets everywhere if you're not careful. And it's the kind of thing where even just a little bit of it can make a big mess. It was all over the walls and all over them. Fortunately they were kind enough to put the cap back on the tube when they were done (bless them).
We tried to use wipes, but to no avail. So the first thing we did this morning was give them a bath and used a wash cloth to clean it all off. I also did some quick googling to see if thermal paste was toxic (it isn't), but 90% of the answers online were jokes about it improving your body temperature and allowing you to overclock yourself. Fucking hilarious stuff, but maybe not so much when you're making sure your kids are alright. They should be fine though.
Anyway, how're ya'lls days going so far?
18 votes -
A mom’s campaign to ban library books divided a Texas town — and her own family
7 votes -
Reward efforts, not outcomes
5 votes -
Jennette McCurdy lived a teen star dream. Silently, she was suffering.
14 votes -
Denmark's controversial family policy sees many Danish parents fleeing to nearby countries, especially to the German border city of Flensburg
4 votes -
Tin Chin and Mo Lin were inseparable at the Brooklyn homeless shelter. But one of the men wasn’t who he seemed to be.
11 votes -
Iceland's Sara Björk Gunnarsdóttir on being a mother and professional footballer
4 votes -
Judge blocks Texas investigating families of trans youth
18 votes -
Charles Darwin's young children painted pictures and wrote stories on the back of draft manuscripts of Darwin's books and notes, and therefore a few original copies of his important works survived
6 votes -
I have two last names - here is why they both matter
8 votes -
Dollar Street: Pictures of worldwide living situations arranged by income
7 votes -
Six people who were part of a failed 1950s social experiment have won compensation from Denmark's government and will receive a face-to-face apology from the prime minister
5 votes -
The JFK QAnon Cult in Dallas is somehow getting weirder
19 votes -
My parents collect cans for a living
8 votes -
How do I calculate my family's "average family location"?
So, I just listened to a This American Life podcast called Ghost in the Machine. In one of the stories, a man decides to calculate, every week, the Average Family Location of his family. By that,...
So, I just listened to a This American Life podcast called Ghost in the Machine. In one of the stories, a man decides to calculate, every week, the Average Family Location of his family. By that, he means: once you add everyone's coordinates for every coordinate in which they've been in that period, what city/location represents the average point between them all?
I decided to do the same for my family, which will be much easier because there are no touring musicians among us. The one complication is that a good chunk of the family is on other continents, and I wouldn't want us to "meet" in the middle of the ocean. So some approximation might be warranted.
I'd be happy if someone could provide me the math, I'm fairly confident I would be able to do it with a calculator or maybe put into some crude Python. I don't think I need to make a weekly report, since we're not that mobile. Maybe twice a year, or once every two months.
Thanks!
Edit: I don't know much math
Edit2: holy shit this is not simple at all! Now I feel kinda bad for throwing this problem at you guys. I really thought it would be quick and easy!
9 votes -
Map drawn from memory helps man reunite with family decades after abduction
4 votes -
Happy Thanksgiving All Y’all!
What is everyone thankful for today? What is y’all’s dinner setup for tonight?
20 votes -
Six indigenous Greenlanders taken as children to Denmark in a failed social experiment in 1951 are demanding compensation from the Danish state
8 votes -
Jan and Kevin Magnussen gathered for a weekend activity that few fathers and sons have tried – they raced as teammates at the 24 Hours of Le Mans
6 votes -
Adoption isn't happily ever after
This will probably make some people uncomfortable and even angry, but it needs to be said. Adoption isn't happily ever after. The media loves to portray it that way, especially for foster kids....
This will probably make some people uncomfortable and even angry, but it needs to be said.
Adoption isn't happily ever after.
The media loves to portray it that way, especially for foster kids. Everyone loves the fairly tale story about the poor abused kids that get rescued by the selfless hero foster parents who then adopt them and everything is all good after that. I mean, the kids now have loving parents and a stable home. That's all they need right?
People love a happy ending. But fairy tales aren’t real and life isn’t that simple. Adoption is messy, and I don't mean the legal process, I mean the actual adoption itself. Adoptive parents aren't selfless heroes, they are regular flawed people just like everyone else, they just happened to choose to adopt.
These kids have been through bad things that are beyond the imagination of most people who don't have experience with the kids themselves. I hear it all the time. People say "They just need a good loving home". Loving and stable homes are great, but they don't make those bad things go away. Even if the adoptive parents were perfect (which they definitely aren't) these kids will be dealing with their trauma for the rest of their lives.
And for these kids trauma isn't simple like so many people assume it is. It isn't just bad dreams and sadness. It's rage. It’s frequent meltdowns over the smallest things. Sometimes it’s hurting pets, or even other kids. Sometimes it's trying to burn the house down. Other times it’s stealing from kids at school. Sometimes it’s grade schoolers finding ways to look at porn. Sometimes it’s trying to molest other kids. This doesn’t describe all kids from foster care. It’s not meant to scare you. It’s meant to show you that there’s more than what you see on the outside.
For these kids meltdowns have a completely different meaning than for most other kids. A meltdown isn't crying and getting angry for 10 or 15 minutes. It can be hours. Hours of true screaming. Hours of punching doors and walls. Or punching us. Or hurting themselves. Total non-compliance. It's a total inability for them to calm down at all. Sometimes we have to physically restrain them for safety reasons. Usually, they have to physically exhaust themselves before they finally begin to come down.
And it's not their fault.
And we parents aren't perfect either. Sometimes we scream back at them. Sometimes we escalate the meltdown even more. Sometimes we restrain when it's not necessary. Sometimes we just layer on consequence after consequence, not because it's helping, but because we are mad and caught in a power struggle.
We take them to doctor appointments. We adjust meds. We get to counseling every week. We literally pull them out of public school because they can't function there. We are usually exhausted. We are often hopeless. We fear they will never have a normal childhood. We fear that they won't have a good life as adults.
We can never replace their birth parents. They will always miss them, no matter how bad the abuse was. They will mourn what could have been. They will mourn what should have been.
They point that hurt and anger at their adoptive parents. They say they hate us. They say they will kill us.
We aren't a fairy tale family. We aren't some success story about the power of love.
We were the safest option in a bad situation.
We will always love them as our kids. We will always strive to be there for them, to support them, to give them what they need to have whatever healing is possible.
For them though this will never be as good as having birth parents that were safe and loving in the first place. This will never compare with what should have been.
34 votes -
Britney Spears' conservatorship nightmare: How the pop star's father and a team of lawyers seized control of her life - and have held on to it for thirteen years
14 votes -
Men doing more family caregiving could lower their risk of suicide
7 votes -
Robert Frost’s tragic personal life teaches us that life goes on
2 votes -
China allows couples to have three children
15 votes -
A letter to my mother — Just in case
5 votes -
In a grief-filled year, brands from Etsy to Pandora let you skip Mother's Day emails
6 votes -
Facing a housing crunch almost a century ago, Stockholm built 'barnrikehus' for low-income families – today they are some of the city's more sought-after properties
9 votes -
Two women gave birth on the same day in a place called Come By Chance. They didn’t know each other, and never would. Half a century later, their children made a shocking discovery
10 votes -
Joe Biden wants the country to heal from its political divisions. But many people say they aren’t ready to reconnect with their estranged friends and family members.
23 votes -
Miscarriage bereavement leave bill passes unanimously in New Zealand Parliament
15 votes -
Against child hostages
9 votes -
Considering the silence of teenage boys in the wake of my son's traumatic injury
13 votes -
As the father of a trans man, I fear for the consequences of this cruel judgement
17 votes -
Crying in H Mart: Sobbing near the dry goods, I ask myself, “Am I even Korean anymore if there’s no one left in my life to call and ask which brand of seaweed we used to buy?"
11 votes -
Thousands apply to be a Finn for ninety days – Americans, Canadians and Britons among those lured by campaign to attract foreign tech workers
11 votes -
Germany and Finland have repatriated five women and eighteen children from Syrian camps housing suspected family members of Islamic State militants
6 votes -
My family’s slave
10 votes -
Denmark's prime minister has apologised to twenty-two children who were removed from their homes in Greenland in the 1950s in a failed social experiment
11 votes -
"Other countries have social safety nets. The US has women."
19 votes -
Friending and forgiving racists
9 votes -
How to talk to friends and family who share conspiracy theories: Fringe movements will persist long after Election Day. Here’s how to help.
8 votes -
I cry for the mountains - A California rancher's account of the wildfires' devastating impact on his family, his cattle, and the forests
8 votes -
Remembering my father
11 votes -
A desperate rescue: A father's heartbreaking attempt to save his family from a raging fire
9 votes -
If you're a parent, what is it like?
If I see myself in someone's child here then I'm deleting this thread, no questions asked /s You should probably say/indicate your and your children's age and sex (can be plural, obviously.) You...
If I see myself in someone's child here then I'm deleting this thread, no questions asked /s
You should probably say/indicate your and your children's age and sex (can be plural, obviously.)
You can follow the Q&A format below but you don't have to.
A few questions that come to (my very uninitiated) mind are:
How much time do you spend on them?
If you aren't their biological parent:
(i.e you're
@aphoenixnot hetero and a parentdidn't want to go through fkin birthing peoplean adoptive parent, for example)- Where did you (uhh) find them?
- If it was an orphanage, what was it like there? (Can you even find children elsewhere if they don't have parents?)
- How many children were there to choose from?
- What led you to choose the child you picked in specific instead of someone else?
(Dear God, is this an ethical question to ask?)
How do you parent them?
-
Do you follow what they're doing on the Internet or how much they use it? How much?
-
Do you encourage them to have a good diet? How much?
-
Do you encourage them to do more chores? How much?
-
When you do this, how cooperative are they? If they aren't, what do you do to convince them?
How do you and your partner split the time spent taking care of them?
What was the most unexpected thing about parenting to you?
More personal questions below. (You can avoid these, I probably would too tbh)
If you had a particular preference/expectation for what you wanted/expected your child to be and got something else, what did you do?
How did birth(-ing?) go? What was it like?
What was being/seeing your partner be pregnant like?
Is there anything you regret doing when parenting them?
Why did you have them?
30 votes