If it's never even a remote consideration that the NDP may break from the Liberals and side with the CPC in the House of Commons, aren't they essentially a vassal for the LPC, soaking up votes from disaffected Liberal voters and funneling them back into Liberal control? I mean from a simple game theoretic perspective, Liberals in the long run can demand everything and give nothing. I think Canadian politics has probably been damaged by overapplying the American left-right political spectrum, when it may be better thought as a three way spectrum between liberalism, conservatism, and democratic socialism (something like Red Toryism for example would be pretty inconceivable in American politics).

So, this won't be like the usual posts on Tildes. This will be on the long side and rambly, so I apologize for that in advance. Maybe this would fit better on a blog, but I don't have one so I'll post here instead. But while this post is definitely meant to be cathartic for me, I think maybe this will help some people too. Especially those who haven't experienced a super close or sudden loss yet.

I want to talk about neurodivergence and grief.

To start, I'm a 28-year-old woman. Higher end of the autism spectrum (diagnosed with Asperger's, though that term is out of favor now) and ADHD, and my parents managed to get me diagnosed by first grade. I've always known I perceived the world a bit differently from others, and this is further impacted by the fact I'm a writer. I often say one strange silver lining to being a writer is that everything is experience for writing. I've always been able to "detach" myself from reality pretty easily and view it from an almost outsider's point of view. Not full-blown disassociation, but I can step back more easily than most and start analyzing myself and others' actions. That definitely came into play here.

Two weeks ago on Wednesday, August 23, my dad died at the age of 68. Heart attack while golfing, stemming from a lifelong heart defect (structural issue, discovered when he had a heart attack at the age of 17). He had no other health issues, he went to regular checkups every six months or so and his heart checked out as fine as it could at the last one. There was zero warning, he was in perfect health that morning and everything was totally fine and normal up until the attack. The autopsy confirmed there were no external factors like the heat at play, just his heart suddenly giving out.

Just, one minute he was fine, and then less than 24 hours later my mom and I were sitting in a funeral home talking about packages and then to the cemetery to buy grave plots. It's the definition of a sudden death.

They say that everyone grieves differently, but I've been aware for a while that my grief is different from others. Until now, my experience with loss has been limited to three grandparents and pets. No aunts or uncles died during my lifetime, no cousins, no friends barring a former classmate who I didn't know too well but who committed suicide. With my grandparents, I definitely noticed I reacted differently. For example, I ended up checking out caskets during my grandmother's wake and talking to the workers about things like cremation jewelry. I still feel a bit bad for my dad who patiently followed me in there during his mother's wake. With my maternal grandfather, I remember thinking about a book I gave my grandmother while at their house, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned it to my cousins. Keep in mind, this would be like two hours tops since he died.

So, yeah. I've been aware for a while that my reactions to death and grief thus far aren't really "typical". I sometimes felt a bit guilty with how easily I felt okay after my grandparents died while seeing everyone around me nearly break. And more than that, I've been concerned about how I might react to other deaths. Particularly my parents.

So what I'm saying is that my dad was my first brush with super close and sudden loss.

So, now that you have the facts, I'll just start explaining my experiences with grief.

The Initial Reaction

My very first reaction: shock. Not even numbness, just shock.

My mom came home, and said she had bad news. I immediately thought it must be my grandmother, who's currently 97 and whose health has been on a steady decline. Instead, she told me my dad had a heart attack at the golf course (oh my gosh, is he okay?) and was pronounced dead at the hospital. For the first time in my life, I found myself asking if it was a dream and genuinely wishing it was. I hugged my mom and whispered "please be a dream", just like I often read and wrote in emotional scenes, and I meant it.

Almost right after she said that, the garage door opened and my first thought was that it was my dad, but instead it was my aunt.

That's around when my "writer-brain" kicked in. I looked at her and said "(Aunt), Dad's..." I couldn't finish the sentence—or maybe it wasn't a matter of could not but did not, because my writer-brain pulled upon all the similar scenes I'd read and written. My aunt pulled me in for a hug, followed by my two uncles, and I cried into their shoulders. I repeated this when my dad's brothers and their wives showed up, and pretty much everyone else who visited in the coming days.

Writer-brain led me to making a couple of docs on my phone: the first titled "Feelings of Grief", the second titled "Dad". "Feelings of Grief" was a bullet-point list of observations of my feelings and reactions. My arms felt heavy and kind of numb. Lifting my phone could be hard, every time I'd set it down or lower my arms in general my arms would just flop down to my side. I'd randomly start to cry and tear up. My chest hurt a bit. I felt empty. It was stronger when alone, maybe because I could distract myself with other people. Noted later in the evening that my arms were still kinda limp, and I didn't have many photos of dad on my phone, and please please PLEASE let mom's phone be synced to the cloud and the photos she had still there.

One interesting note I left: it wasn't the same hollow feeling as the former classmate who committed suicide. Writer-brain had kicked in similarly back then. I remember noting to myself how my jaw just naturally fell open of its own accord, I even closed it and it automatically went slack. When our vice principal first mentioned he'd died, my first thought was "oh no, it must be a car accident". But when he revealed it was suicide, it was a gut punch and the feeling was just... hollow. I reaffirmed this the next day while talking to my mom that there's a difference between "hollow" and "empty", not one I can put into words, but a difference nonetheless.

The second document on my phone, "Dad", started on Wednesday night as an obituary. When my grandfather died, my dad had told me how sad he always found those short obituaries, so I knew we'd have a long one. I'm a writer, so it felt natural that I start on it to take some of the burden off mom. The next day, I read it to mom and we ended up using it with minimal changes.

What I didn't tell her was that the rest of the document was basically me journaling. I don't journal, but I know writing helps me process things and organize thoughts, so I just wrote. Starting with the words "Dad, I love you." I wrote out all my thoughts, a letter he'd never get to read. I wrote about checking the Ring camera and it automatically pulling up the video of him getting the paper with the dog that morning. I made my bed and cried, put away dishes and cried, couldn't finish folding the laundry because I realized some of it was his. At that point it clicked in my head that the format was poem-like, and I wrote lines with questions that could fit a poem structure. I'm not even a poet, I've always preferred prose, but that's where my brain went.

And I also wrote about how I knew I'd be okay, because I already knew my grief was different. And how awful that made me feel. How I felt guilty that I wasn't there when mom was downstairs. She got the call while doing laundry, and I think I came downstairs right after she left. She went there alone, my uncle meeting her at the hospital, and had to wait until the doctor came out, while I was at home totally oblivious to the fact the most important man in my life was gone.

So, I never saw my dad in the hospital. Never saw how awful he looked after the attempts to revive him, only saw him on Monday at his calling when he'd been cleaned up. Both docs had me wondering if maybe the fact I hadn't seen him let my brain detach more, let me distance myself from his absence and the situation, and if seeing him on Monday would be when it really felt real.

Day 3 and Onwards: Weirdly Okay

On Friday, Day 3 after my dad died, everything felt... weirdly normal.

I think on Thursday, my brain was already starting to push me out of heavy-grief mode. Every time I hugged people on Wednesday I'd automatically cry, but I think towards the end of Thursday that reaction was dwindling. I think on Friday itself, it stopped entirely. I'd hug people but tears wouldn't automatically spring like the previous two days. I could even already tell, "Oh, I'm gonna get kinda tired of all these hugs, aren't I?" On Thursday I randomly cried a couple times, had to run upstairs to hug my mom as it crashed into me once again, but that didn't happen as much on Friday.

I'd already joked about "literal Covid flashbacks", because I got Covid this year and my primary symptom was an eternally runny nose. I went through at least one tissue box on my own and by the end my nose was just sore from blowing and wiping it so much, so I joked my brain didn't want a repeat of that soreness.

Inwardly though, I was reflecting on my previous experiences with grief. I knew I'd enter an "okay" state sooner than others, but I didn't expect it to happen so fast after my dad died. I still felt sad, but I wasn't randomly crying anymore. I live at home, never moved out and even attended a commuter college, we've always been an incredibly close family, so his death should be more... I guess devastating? Heart-breaking? It felt bizarre to me, to already feel like I was edging back towards okay.

My theory: it's an evolutionary trait promoted in neurodivergence, to ensure that at least one member of the "pack" won't be vulnerable. Make sure someone can be functional enough to identify potential threats and such, maybe go out for supplies. I mentioned this theory to a few people in the coming days. My mom said it was almost like a superpower when I explained it.

And as the child in the situation, it sucks. I don't have the experience or knowledge to do all these arrangements. All the financial stuff is on my mom since she has the accounts, she knows who to inform and could estimate how many people to expect, she had all the contacts who could help arrange and set up a reception at our house, etc. And even besides that, as the child in the situation, it wasn't exactly "my place" to do a bunch of that stuff. I couldn't directly help with anything but the obituary, provide tech support for getting the photos for the calling, and providing emotional support.

So, yeah. That sucked for me because I knew I felt much better than mom did, but couldn't really do much to ease her burden. So it felt like I was largely leaving her on her own to navigate the funeral process. We had my aunts and some of her friends present to help, including some who'd experienced similar abrupt loss and could help guide and advise her, but there's still a lot of stuff she needed to do herself. She didn't have much time to really process it on her own because she was just so busy, I don't think she really got a chance to relax until Wednesday after everything was over. So for most of the process, I was much more cognizant of my mom's grief than my own.

And I was honestly quite open with this. I didn't flaunt that I was weirdly okay, but people would ask how I was feeling and I'd be honest: "I think my neurodivergent brain is helping." By Sunday, I was still weirdly okay. The calling was the next day. I helped mom submit the pictures to the funeral home's website. We had a small horde of friends and aunts help move stuff to the backyard to prepare for the post-funeral reception at our house on Tuesday. We got through the day, and picked out dresses to wear.

The Calling

At the calling on Monday, I got to see my dad for the first and last time.

My mom originally wanted a closed-casket calling, but agreed to open-casket because we knew some people needed it. Including my uncle, who'd been present at the hospital and who my mom described as even worse off than her.

It turns out, my mom needed it too, more than she realized.

My dad had an autopsy for a few reasons. I kind of expected one given his heart defect, but there was also the fact it was an incredibly hot day and he hit his head when he fell, so the coroner wanted to confirm what exactly the cause was. And as I said near the start, it was just his heart. As far as I'm aware, he most likely died instantly from the heart attack itself, but they tried to revive him for a while before calling his death, maybe half an hour. The doctor at the hospital said he'd tried everything he could to bring him back. Surgery, intubation, etc.

To sum it up, he didn't look too good in the hospital. When I expressed regret I hadn't been with mom, she said she was glad I hadn't been there. I still wonder if that might have helped me get "okay" so quickly, since I didn't have the traumatic memory. He died away from home, so there's no traumatic memories associated with his body in our house. My first and only time seeing him post-mortem was at the funeral home, after he'd been cleaned up and dressed.

My dad in the casket looked peaceful. I don't know if I'd say he looked like he was sleeping, but he looked so much better than I had feared. At one of the last funerals I attended, I felt like their body hadn't looked like them (and my mom also felt that way when I mentioned it to her later), so I'd worried that might happen here. It was a relief that dad still looked like dad. Later, one of the morticians commented about the nasty bruise on his head from the fall, and I know that bruises can be particularly stark on corpses, so. Big kudos to the mortician. I think seeing him like that, instead of her last memory being at the hospital, was a big help to my mom.

Mom and I hugged in front of him and cried. We talked to dad a bit, and then people poured in. Relatives first, and then friends started coming, both friends of my dad and my mom. My mom is a social butterfly and has a MASSIVE social network in the local branch of her industry, to the point there's an actual joke about "Six degrees of separation from (Mom)", so there were a LOT of visitors just to support her. So my mom was in her element talking to people, while I floated around a bit talking to people I knew, hanging out with my cousins, helping introduce one of my dad's friends to other specific people he wanted to meet, etc.

I myself had four friends visit during the calling. And this is what inspired me to make this post.

Neurodivergence and Grief

One of my friends also abruptly lost her dad a few years ago. It's been a while so I can't remember the exact cause, but I think he'd died of a heart attack too. And like me, she's also neurodivergent. So of everyone I know, she's the one person who could relate to me the most.

So naturally, I told her about how I felt weirdly okay. I'd mentioned to others about how my neurodivergent brain seemed to be helping, mentioned my theory about it being an evolutionary advantage, but I went into more detail with her. I opened up a bit more than I did with everyone else, because I knew she'd gone through the same loss.

And she'd had the same thing happen.

I won't try to summarize everything we talked about. Some of it is personal and I reached some internal conclusions about her own experience she might not want me to share, but one thing that stuck out was that she told me not to let others act as if I was grieving wrong. She assured me that everyone grieves in their own way, and while everyone says that, hearing it from someone who went through the same experience as me just gave it so much more weight.

I'd been aware my reactions to loss would be different since my grandparents died. I've had years to think on it, and by the calling I already accepted that it was a quirk of my brain. It didn't mean something was "wrong" with me, that I didn't love my dad any less. It's just my brain being kinda weird and helping me adapt faster. I'd once read a theory years ago that autistic people don't struggle with feeling emotions at all, they struggle with feeling too much, and their brains get overloaded and just shut down the emotion. I don't know how true that is, but at times like this, I think that might be true.

But despite knowing and accepting this, hearing that I wasn't alone, that it wasn't just my brain and someone else had experienced this weird "okay-ness", helped more than I expected.

And that's why I'm writing this.

Neurodivergent brains don't process things the same as "normal" people. Anyone who's ND knows that, and every person's experiences with it is different. Even if you, the person reading this right now, also have ADHD and autism, you probably don't have a "writer-brain" analyzing events and your own emotions for writing reference the way I do. I got lucky to be born to two amazing, loving parents who never made me feel like I was wrong or broken for my differences, and to help me adapt to the world instead of trying to suppress those. They helped me accept it as part of myself.

But while I've always known and accepted this, it doesn't change the fact that knowing others feel the same way can be a relief. Confirming that it's not just you, that there are others—it can mean so much.

It's why I proudly identify myself as asexual to people I meet, to help educate others that it's a thing that exists and they're not broken. It's why I was so ecstatic to learn immersive and maladaptive daydreaming are things, to discover that my lifelong game of pretend isn't just some quirk of my autism and ADHD but something thousands of other people do, including full-grown adults. It's why people find pride and comfort in having labels at all, why even diagnoses can be a reason to celebrate: just being able to know you're not alone.

I got lucky with my parents, who have loved and supported me throughout my whole life. I don't even like referring to ADHD and autism as disabilities, because to me, they're just different forms of cognition. Nothing to be ashamed of, they're just a part of who I am. I've spent years thinking and reflecting over myself, and managed to understand the core pieces of myself as a person fairly early on. And I'm happy to say I like who I am.

Unfortunately, my story isn't nearly as common as I'd like though. Many neurodivergent people grow up thinking something is inherently wrong with them, either due to not knowing about their conditions, or because their own families tell them as much. Far too many people think they're awful people, stupid because of learning disabilities, or even just broken. Our "normal meters" are off by default compared to neurotypical people, and if you don't know why, it can really bother you.

This strange okay-ness and quick recovery from grief seems like one of those things that would haunt people, lead to all sorts of guilt for not feeling grief strongly enough when you "should". The words "everyone grieves differently" feels like a kind of hollow platitude in the face of those feelings. It's one of those sayings that everyone spouts, like "time heals all wounds", but there's a huge difference between saying something and experiencing it. It's just one of those things that people say, regardless of experience with it. Especially when it's "normal" people saying it.

So, take it from me now, someone who's neurodivergent and has just experienced close and sudden loss: You might feel okay sooner than you expect, and that's perfectly fine. It's just our brains being weird, and it says nothing about how we feel about the person we lost.

Maybe the circumstances of the death will make it easier or harder for you to adjust. Maybe it will hit you harder when you're alone. Maybe you'll find comfort in surprising details. Or maybe it will hit you in bits and pieces, in the smaller things you notice as time passes.

There are so many ways you can react. It really is true that everyone grieves differently. No matter how you react though, it doesn't automatically mean you're a bad person or don't miss them enough. It just means your brain processes things differently, and might be trying to shield you from the full brunt of the pain.

And besides, even if you feel like you’re recovering too quickly, I think there’s a good chance you feel that loss more strongly than you actually realize.

Nighttime Talks with Dad

The last time I saw my dad was Tuesday, August 22, before he went to bed.

I don’t remember our exact final conversation. We had a nightly ritual though where we’d either try to get our dog Zoey on the porch, or step out there ourselves. Zoey hates people hugging and kissing. For some reason at nighttime, just standing near each other can set her off. Every night when dad would come upstairs from the basement, the second one of us spoke, she’d start barking because she knew that was a precursor to physical contact. (Also, yes, this DID make the initial hug-fest after the news broke a bit frustrating since she barked constantly.) I like to say that she’s brought our family closer together than ever, and she hates it. Dad would go out of his way to give extra hugs and kisses just to set her off, laughing while she’d go crazy. Usually we’d try to get her on the porch so she couldn’t jump up on us while barking, but even after letting her back in he’d still sometimes give an extra hug and kiss just to mess with her.

If she wouldn’t go on the porch, we’d just go out there ourselves. And in more recent months, we’d step outside on the deck to look at the night sky. Dad would usually go out there in the summer before going to bed, so I just started joining him. I think the only constellation either of us can identify is the Big Dipper, but it was still nice to look at the stars and moon.

On Tuesday, August 22, we went outside as part of that ritual.

The next night before going to bed, I stepped outside to talk to dad again.

And I’ve done that most nights since then.

I just step outside and talk to him. I don’t know if he can hear me. I’m not particularly religious and honestly terrified of the unknown eternity that is the afterlife, and I told him that. But I want to believe he can. I tried talking to him from the porch one night, but it felt wrong so I stepped outside to do it. So maybe it’s just psychological and in my head, or maybe it actually means something.

And when I do, I usually end up crying a bit.

That’s one thing I’ve noticed: while I stopped randomly crying throughout the day by like Friday or Saturday, I still cry at night when I talk to him. I think that little note I made on night one that I might feel the grief more strongly when I was alone was right. I’ve even said as much out loud, just asked, “Dang it, why do I only do this at night?” It’s the kind of time where I’d want to hug someone like mom, but by that point she’s in bed.

I’ve probably weirded out Zoey with the near-nightly hugs after these talks. I doubt she understands dad is gone for good, and I don’t think she fully gets we’re sad. That dog lives in her own world and isn’t the brightest. At least she’s finally made the connection that water helps with thirst (no, I’m not joking. We genuinely questioned if she realizes water helps with thirst, and now that she’s drinking regularly we’re pretty sure the answer was “no”).

Right now, I think during the day I can function fine. I think I am mostly fine already, wrong as that feels. I know that it will be the little things I’ll miss the most. Like him making my bed every day, or being able to suggest watching a show, or messing with the dog together, or coming home from visiting friends to see him and mom slow-dancing in the living room.

But at night, when I step outside to talk to dad... Well, I think that’s when I allow myself to really process it. To process his absence on a subconscious level that I just can’t do consciously. Maybe it’s because it’s too much to process, like that theory about autism I mentioned earlier. I don’t know.

One thing I do know: everything still feels surreal.

My mom and I went to my cousins’ lake house over the weekend. We had already planned to go before, and last Wednesday my mom said “Screw it, let’s go up anyway.” We needed the change of scenery and time to decompress after the funeral. She later said it’s basically us avoiding the situation for just a little longer, and I think she was right about that. Being away from the house made it a little easier to act as if it was just a normal vacation, almost like a "girls' trip".

I didn’t talk to dad while up there, maybe due to avoidance, or maybe due to my brain suddenly deciding it doesn’t like being surrounded by water in the dark. It was never an issue on previous visits. Last time we were up there, dad and I sat on the dock staring up at the stars and just being in awe. We’ve been reminiscing about it all summer long. I planned to talk to him, but the first night on the dock I turned off the flashlight on my phone and my brain basically went “nopenopenope, water everywhere verybad runrunrun get to land runrunrun”. So that's a thing now, good to know I guess?

So, yeah. We got back on Tuesday, and were exhausted from a seven-hour car trip. And then I talked to him again last night. Cried a bit, because that’s just how those talks tend to go, and then I went inside to hug the dog before sitting on the couch to resume my usual quasi-nocturnal routine. (I got upstairs and into bed before 4 am though, so I'm getting better! Little victories.)

Closing Thoughts

There’s a lot more I could say, but I don’t know what. Usually I like to edit these sorts of rambles to heck and back, but this time I’m doing minimal editing. (Editing note: I apparently lied, just went back to reread and edited it as I went along, dang it.) For now, I want to focus on some more closing thoughts and miscellaneous details. Things I couldn’t fit above too well, but think need to be said and shared. Maybe it can help you, maybe it won’t.

The benefits of how my neurodivergence is impacting my grief: I can help my mom more. I’ve already decided I’ll take on the task of figuring out all the account transfers (e.g. Netflix, Ring, etc.). I was also able to go through my dad’s laptop to find photos, just quickly page through them and look for any photos with him. I’m not sure my mom could have done that herself without getting sucked into each memory they held.

I will say that, as a writer, I like to think I understand emotions better than most people. I like putting myself in people’s shoes to figure out why they feel a certain way, understand their mindsets and how it influences their thought processes and actions. I’m definitely incredibly empathetic compared to the average person. That said, just because I understand their feelings, it doesn’t mean I know how the heck to handle it. My brain tends to freeze up. Happened when my aunt burst out crying and hugged me when my grandfather died years ago, and it will probably happen again now.

So I’m still out of my element if mom suddenly breaks down sobbing and crying. I think this will apply to many of us. So uh. Sorry guys, I don’t have much advice for comforting people other than “just hug them as needed and let them vent”. Hugs can REALLY help though, I think some people these past two needed the hugs more than I did.

On that note, feel free to reject the parade of hugs. I know a lot of ND folks don’t like physical contact or hugs anyway, but neurotypical folks can get over-hugged during these times too. One of my mom’s friends who lost her husband told us that we might get sick of hugs. So don’t feel obligated to accept them just because of the occasion. You're the one grieving, so they can't judge you for refusing. If they judge you anyway, they're assholes and don't deserve to have their opinions considered.

One of my main coping mechanisms is humor. I try to be mindful of it and keep some of them to myself, but I might've made some jokes that are "too soon". For example, our dog is the only thing now standing between my mom and I from becoming crazy cat ladies. Previously it was my dad's allergies, so yeah. If you also cope with humor, just be careful about telling the jokes. The pain can be more raw for some than others, and some jokes might be too much. Some people are really good at putting up a strong front, so you can't always be sure how they'll actually take it. So be careful.

I mentioned earlier that when my mom told me the news, I first thought it was about my grandmother. At the time, part of me wished it had been my grandmother, which made me feel guilty. But I later found out pretty much everyone had this exact reaction, including my aunt (her daughter) and I think even my grandmother herself. We've all been sort of mentally bracing for her death, and she's 97 so she’s lived a long and good life. It would still be sad of course, but, well, we’re expecting it. No one was expecting my dad to die though. So if you find yourself with similar thoughts, don’t feel like that makes you an awful person.

One of the biggest benefits of my neurodivergence though: I was able to give a eulogy for my dad.

I honestly expected I’d give one from day one, but apparently no one else did until I talked to the minister right before the service. Originally we said I’d go second, between my dad’s best friend and his brother. After his best friend’s speech though, I realized I should definitely go last. I could tell they’d be telling more lighthearted stories, and mine would set a different tone that served better for the end.

I wanted to talk about dad’s love, his most defining trait and the most important thing he passed on to me. He was the kind of man who’d sacrifice for the people he loved, who’d go out of his way to find a specific restaurant despite wanting to go home just because we mentioned wanting milkshakes from there. Heck, last Christmas we all agreed to buy just three gifts each, and guess who didn't stick to that rule? I swore I'd buy a blu-ray player sometime this year instead, our DVD player doesn't work with the new TV we got in the basement so just needed to run to a store together. (I still might, but it's a lower priority now.)

Besides all that, I wanted to share a story he told me, that I’ll also tell you now.

When my grandfather was a little boy, one day at school a classmate came in raging mad about a fight with his own father. They’d had some argument, and this kid was ranting about how he hated his father. Petty, empty words because he was still mad at his dad over whatever they'd fought before.

Well, his father died at work that day. Car accident, I think. And the boy grew up knowing his last memory with his father was that awful fight.

Yeah, that sounds like an awful story to tell a kid, huh? I must have been five or six when he told me, and it was probably because I was pretty angry at my mom for some stupid petty reason. Just a kid throwing a tantrum, you know how it goes. Maybe it was a true story, maybe he just made it up on the spot to show me that being mad at my mom over petty little things was wrong. Either way, it worked. And I think it worked better than my dad ever knew. Thanks to that story, I grew up aware in the back of my head that death can happen suddenly and without warning. Maybe that’s a bit of a bad thing, but I’m grateful I got to understand that so early on without experiencing that sort of sudden loss myself. And it stuck with me, just how awful it would feel to have your last memory be such a bitter one.

So, I made a point to always say “I love you” to my parents and any others I care about. They go to bed, “Good night, I love you.” They're going on a trip, “Have fun, love you!” when they leave and at the end of every phone call. They’re just running to the grocery store five minutes away, I open the garage door to stick out my head to say “I love you” just to make absolutely sure it’s the last thing I said to them, just in case.

I don’t remember my exact last words with my dad. But I know that it was almost certainly “Good night, I love you” just like countless other nights. And I am so damn grateful I can say that.

So I passed on that story at his funeral. And afterwards, I got countless compliments about how strong I was for speaking at all, and how I didn’t stutter or need notes (someone asked if I had public speaking experience, and I don't, so I guess I might have a natural knack for speeches??), but... I think that was most definitely because of my neurodivergence. I think I’ve already made it quite clear over the course of this post, but by the time of his funeral, I was, weirdly, okay. Sad and empty, but not devastated. So I could deliver my message clearly, the same one I'll pass to you:

My dad was a wonderful, loving man, and everyone should remember that you never know which goodbye will be the last one. So make sure you always punctuate your farewells with an “I love you”, and try not to ever part on a bad note. Not even when you’re just going to sleep.

If you’ve read all of this, thanks. And I hope maybe this ramble of mine can help people a bit too, especially those who have yet to experience such a loss themselves.

Remember, everyone experiences grief differently. Maybe it will devastate you and you won't be able to function for a while, or maybe you'll be able to largely go back to "normal" a bit faster than you expect like I did. Brains are weird, even without throwing neurodivergence into the mix, and there's so many factors in grief that makes every experience truly unique. I'm not sure I'd be nearly as composed if I'd seen my dad at the hospital, or if he'd died in pain or of heatstroke. The inevitability and quickness of his death, the fact we could have done nothing to prevent it, has been a surprising comfort to both me and my mom because there are no agonizing "what ifs" to haunt us. We're not sure how we'd feel if it was something preventable, that's a "what if" I don't want to consider.

Just remember that no matter how you respond, somewhere out there, there's likely someone else who's had the same feelings and reactions as you. You're not broken, you're not an awful person. You're just you. Your reaction won't diminish whatever feelings you have for the person—and note that I said have and not had: just because they're gone doesn't mean those feelings are gone too. He's still my father, I'm still his daughter. Death doesn't change that, it just means I can't hug him and tell him that directly anymore. The same applies for every other loss we'll experience. There's a reason some people refuse to date widows and widowers.

Today, my aunt left. She’s been staying here since he died, she flew in from out of state. Tonight will be the first night with just me and mom at our house. This is the first night of our new “normal”. I don’t think we’ll have anyone over tomorrow besides the cleaning lady (who last came the day after he died—felt kinda bad for her to visit that day knowing what happened), so tomorrow will be the first day it’s really just us. The first day we won't have any real distractions from his absence.

I don’t know how we’ll feel in the coming days, how things will go from here. Maybe his death will finally really hit us now that we’re not in funeral-preparation or vacation mode, and can sit and breathe in our own house. Maybe I’ll have a delayed grief reaction. Maybe my mom will break down sobbing in her bed tonight or tomorrow. I don’t know. Everything feels almost dream-like, like we’re in a weird limbo but also not. The world’s still moving without us, and we’re slowly moving with it.

All we can do is take it one hour at a time.

I'm interested to know how often people shower or bathe - but I'd also be interested on your thoughts about other people's frequency. Do you feel strongly about how often one should be cleaning themselves, and what factors go into this? I would certainly hope it's reasonably frequent for warm-climate athletes, for example.

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Additional Details

** I wrote this a few years ago using 'wiki-how to write a constitution' as my basic outline. As you can see, I never finished. I realized that this is not something that can or should be written as a singular person, and due to a lack of access to those who might find such a project interesting, albiet wholly theoretical, I never finsihed it. What you see at the bottom is the copy paste from the wiki how where I left off.

I don't know if any of y'all will find this interesting or worth editing and expanding with me, but I thought this would be an interesting place to put this and test the waters.

I tried really hard to figure out how to format this in tildes but I may have failed. Hopefully it's clear enough.

Here is the beginnings of a constitution I wrote for a hypothetical expeirmental community: **

We, the citizens of this community, in order to enact the willful abandonment of all other governing bodies and establish an independent mode of community-organization and self-rule, do ordain and establish this constitution for the government of our association.

Article I:

Section 1:

The name of this community shall be {}, hereafter referred to as ‘the community.’

Section 2:

The Heads of the community shall make up the ruling body of {}, hereafter referred to as ‘Those Responsible.’

Article II:

Section 1:

the purpose of this community is to establish and maintain a self-sustaining and self-perpetuating place and manner in which to live and live well, outside and beyond the current social paradigms subject to political, military, monetary, or any and all other coercive forms of power and control, including but not limited to all other authoritative bodies either public or private. This community intends to act as a sustaining reservoir and dispensary for human knowledge and creative culture. This community aims to secure a manner of human cohabitation and relation founded upon unconditional love and mutual respect for self, others, and the land.

Section 2:

Those Responsible shall ratify, guide, lead, and organize all actions of the community towards the aims of self-sustainability, cohabitation, co-creation, and social evolution, foremost and always with a prime consideration for all the offspring of the community in mind, whether of direct biological relation or otherwise. Those Responsible are tasked with representing and upholding the example and execution of communion and action under the fundamental philosophy of unconditional love and mutual respect for self, others, and the land. Those Responsible are beholden to the task of observing and evaluating the exact realities faced by the community at any given point in time, and in view of that Those Responsible are required to coordinate all community efforts in appropriate response to the imminent needs of the citizenry and the land.

Article III:

Section 1:

The general body of the community will be comprised of Citizen Families of no less than two adults and no more than ten adults, and all of their accompanying children and creature companions. In order to gain membership into the community a Citizen Family must be endorsed by a Family Head already a part of the community, and voted in unanimously by all Those Responsible. Appeals can be made and cases reassessed as depends on the situation, but finalization of familial citizenship requires the unanimous consent of all and every current Citizen Family through representative vote.

Section 2:

the privileges and responsibilities of every individual citizen, those granted to the Citizen Family, and those allowed to the community as a whole include but are not limited to:

Individual rights:

The right to appropriate understanding and care from family and community in times of physiological, psychological, and/or theological need due to age, injury, mental or bodily transition, trauma, or illness.
The right to formally express grievance, great or small, to all grievous parties with the option of third party witness with previously established all party agreement on third party power of decision-input and sway.

The right to request and expect communion with specific individuals, the family whole, or the community at large for a specified time within the confines of the boundaries and privacy requested.

The right to request and expect celebration with specific individuals, the family whole, or the community at large for a specified time within the confines of the boundaries and privacy requested.

The right to give and receive without incurring debt.

Sufficient and sustainable food, shelter, and water, tailored to the individual needs of each citizen, with consideration insofar as possible to individual ability, desire, and proclivity.

Free access to all available community physical, psychological, and theological health resources and programs without bias to reason or cause.

Free access to all available community infrastructure, resources, and technologies insofar as it does not impede the well being of any other, the land, or the community at large.

Freedom of thought and expression and access to public outlet insofar as no permanent physical or psychological damage incurs.

Free access to all available information and means to education. Freedom of inquiry into all intellectual matters and free permission to explore all avenues of discovery not leading to permanent physical or psychological damage.

Full liberty of movement without untoward monitoring, self-delegation of personal time and energies beyond regulated family and community requirements and tasks, and a right to mental, physical, and spiritual regulation and privacy.

The right to call for a family or community hearing and action for whatever reason, and to expect due diligence in response to such a call.

The right to dictate placement, care and use of any personal property of which one is responsible for maintenance, re-purposing, and proper disposal.

The right to anonymity in all voting processes.

The right to vote on family leadership through unanimous consensus of all eligible family members.

The right to vote on family projects and endeavors through unanimous consensus of all eligible family members.

The right to decide the vote for the Heads on community projects through unanimous consensus of all eligible family members.

The right to decide the vote for the Family Head on the delegation of communal resources through unanimous consensus of all eligible family members.

The right to decide the vote for the Heads on all constitutional amendments through unanimous consensus of all eligible family members.

The right to request personal advocacy and counsel from outside the immediate family grouping in regards to internal family affairs.

The right to third-party mediation and safe sanctuary in times of unresolved conflict.

The right to propose projects for personal or community benefit, and to solicit the needed resources and work from the community at large.

The right to apply for membership in a different Citizen Family from their own, or to apply for the establishment of a new Citizen Family, without untoward consequences despite affirmation or denial of said application, and with the understanding that individual membership is restricted to a single Citizen Family.

The right to personal emancipation from the community in full for whatever reason, and the grant of sufficient supply of basic needs from the community, per the requirements of the current social paradigms, for the most benevolent and efficient plan and execution of exit.

Citizen family rights:

the right to family residence sufficient to the exact needs of the individual family and its members, with consideration to ability, preference and proclivity insofar as possible, and full dominion over space, design, and utility of family residence.

The right to equal representation in the community by an internally elected Family Head, Auxiliary Head, and Junior Head (a.k.a. The Heads).

The right to represented vote on all community affairs including but not limited to adoption of new Citizen Families, allocation of community resources, constitutional amendment, foreign affairs, military action and defense, and the introduction and use of new technologies and materials.

The right to volunteer or withhold labor from any non-essential community effort.

The right through the unanimous vote of all eligible family members to excommunicate individual members due to permanent physical or psychological damages to the family.

The right to handle internal family affairs as seen fit insofar as no permanent physical or psychological damages incur, and without rebuke so long as such affairs have no significant impact on community production or well being.

The right to confidentiality and privacy in personal family matters despite possible recruitment by one or more individual for external representation.

Community rights:

The right to excommunicate whole Citizen Families per Family Head and Auxiliary Head’s unanimous vote, excluding the family in question, in the event of permanent physical or psychological damages to the community.

The right to enact emergency measures in times of crisis per Family Head’s unanimous vote, including but not limited to the overrule of individual or familial privacy and individual or familial propriety over labor and resources.

The right to purchase or acquire additional lands and resources from outside the community per Family Head and Auxiliary Head’s unanimous vote.

The right of the Arbiters to oversee and mediate conflict between Citizen Families.

The right of the Heads to demand, organize and enforce labor and resources from all citizen families for the sake of community sustainability and well-being.

Individual responsibilities:

Primary responsibility for self care, self direction, self advocacy, and self representation in all matters related to personal development and involvement.

Responsibility to family wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of self, others, the land, or the community at large.

Responsibility to community wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of self, others, the land, or the Citizen Family.

Responsibility to fulfill all necessary labor requirements of family and community as per the changing requirements of sustainability and growth.

Responsibility to the land and its well being.

Responsibility to teach, care for and nurture all children and creature companions of the community whether or not blood related, insofar as it does not impede the well being of self, others, and the land.

Responsibility, insofar as it does not impede personal well being or privacy, to share all knowledge and resources within one’s possession and ability with any other citizen upon their request.

Responsibility to critically seek out knowledge and understanding of the current affairs and concerns of the Citizen Family and the community at large, and thereby cast vote based upon study and reason rather than selfish motive or emotional appeal.

Citizen Family responsibilities:

Prime responsibility for the care, representation and advocacy of the Citizen Family in all matters related to familial development and involvement.

Responsibility to individual wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of the family, individual citizens, others, the land, or the community.

Responsibility to community wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of the family, individual citizens, others, the land, or the community.

Responsibility to organize and deploy all labor requirements of the family as per the changing requirements of sustainability and growth.

Responsibility to fulfill all necessary labor requirements of the community as per the changing requirements of sustainability and growth.

Responsibility to the land and its well being.

Responsibility to teach, care for, and nurture all children and creature companions of the community whether or not blood related, insofar as it does not impede the well being of the family, individual citizens, others, and the land.

Responsibility, insofar as it does not impede familial well being or privacy, to share all knowledge and resources within the family’s possession and ability with any other citizen or Citizen Family upon request.

Responsibility to critically seek out knowledge and understanding of the current affairs and the concerns of individual members and the community at large, and thereby cast vote based upon study and reason rather than selfish motive or emotional appeal.

Responsibility to gather weekly all citizens of the family to report, evaluate, vote upon, and organize action for all family interests and concerns.

Community responsibilities:

Prime responsibility for the care, representation and advocacy of the community in all matters related to community development and involvement.

Responsibility to individual wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of the community, individual citizens, Citizen Families, others, or the land.

Responsibility to Citizen Families’ wants, needs and concerns, insofar as they do not impede the well being of the community, individual citizens, other Citizen Families, others, or the land.

Responsibility to organize and deploy all labor requirements of the community as per the changing requirements of sustainability and growth.

Responsibility to the land and its well being.

Responsibility to acquire, establish, organize, and maintain resources, infrastructure, and continuing education for the benefit of all citizens and Citizen Families.

Responsibility, insofar as it does not impede the community’s well being or privacy, to share all knowledge and resources within the community’s possession and ability with any citizen or Citizen Family upon their request.

Responsibility to critically seek out knowledge and understanding of the current affairs and concerns of individual members and all Citizen Families, and thereby organize all community efforts based upon study and reason rather than selfish motive or emotional appeal.

Responsibility to establish and maintain a means for citizens and Citizen Families to continuously participate and vote in all community endeavors and affairs through representation by the Heads or directly through survey and ballot.

Responsibility to organize and execute community outreach and relations with outside governments and organizations insofar as it does not impede the well being of citizens, Citizen Families, the community at large, or the land.

Responsibility to gather and allocate shared resources for the procurement and establishment of a new community on tenable land any time that the current community reaches maximum capacity.

Responsibility to establish and maintain co-beneficial relations and exchange, including relief efforts in times of crisis, with all extended communities whether or not directly derivative from the immediate community insofar as possible.

Responsibility to organize resources and efforts for the defense and rebuilding of the community when faced with internal or external aggression or biological or climate catastrophe.

Responsibility to procure and dispense all technological, medical, or otherwise necessary resources not internally available but required by a citizen or Citizen Family for their continued well being.

Responsibility to provide requested transportation and the means to initial basic survival, per the requirements of the current social paradigms, for any citizen looking to emancipate from the community and reenter the world at large.

Responsibility to provide and organize opportunities for travel to all citizens, upon request yet within community ability and reason.

Responsibility to gather weekly all Those Responsible to report, evaluate, and organize action for all voted upon community interests and concerns.

Responsibility to organize and coordinate weekly community celebration insofar as it does not impede the immediate needs of the community.

Responsibility to establish and maintain a central garden sanctuary for silent meditation, worship and reflection, open to all citizens at any time.

Responsibility, insofar as the community is able, to take in, protect, and provide for the basic necessities of any individual seeking asylum from the outside world, insofar as they adhere to the laws, customs, and requirements of the community, and within the agreed amount of time voted upon by Those Responsible in a case by case basis.

Section 3:

Membership may be revoked via a unanimous vote by the Family and Auxiliary Heads due to irrevocable physical or psychological harm to an individual, Citizen Family, the community at large, or the land. Membership shall be open to all those vetted and unanimously voted in by the Family and Auxiliary Heads regardless of age, creed, race, color, sex, sexual orientation, gender identity, socioeconomic status, disability, national origin, or status as a veteran. This list is not exhaustive.

Article IV:

Section 1:

Family meetings run by the Family Head will be held weekly, or as otherwise decided upon by majority vote within the family in order to discuss any general family business, upcoming and continuing family and community projects, and any other pressing comments or concerns of its members.

All Heads within a family shall weekly meet with each other to gather, discuss and organize all current concerns to be addressed in the next family meeting.

Community meetings composed of all Heads and run by the current Arbiters selected quarterly from the Heads by all Those Responsible will be held weekly in order to evaluate and coordinate all community efforts past, continuing, or new.

Each separate group of Heads from every family shall meet weekly in order to gather, discuss and organize all current concerns of their constituents to be addressed in the next community meeting.

Any individual can call for an auxiliary family or community meeting run by the Head of their choice or one of the current Arbiters at any time and for any reason and will be granted such a meeting within 72 hours of the request.

Section 2:

All policy decisions within the Citizen Family shall be voted upon by all family members of any age or identification who capably understands and willingly ratifies via signature the constitution of the community. Each voting citizen is allowed one vote. For sanctioned approval, all Citizen Family policy decisions require a unanimous vote. Family voting shall be counted and tallied by the Family Head.

All policy decisions for the community at large shall be voted upon by all Heads inline with the vote of their constituents. Each Head is allowed one vote. For sanctioned approval all community policy decisions require a unanimous vote by all Heads. Community voting shall be counted and tallied by the current Arbiter.

All voting shall be done anonymously, and no decision can be ratified without a submitted ballot from all voting parties.

Article V:

Section 1:

The community shall have the following officials:

One Family Head per Citizen Family. Any family member aged fifteen or older who has already ratified the constitution is eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited, any eligible family member can be nominated by any other family member. Selection must be voted upon annually and requires a unanimous vote by all eligible voters within the Citizen Family.

One Auxiliary Head per Citizen Family. Any family member aged fifteen or older who has already ratified the constitution is eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited, any eligible family member can be nominated by any other family member. Selection must be voted upon annually and requires a unanimous vote by all eligible voters within the Citizen Family.

One Junior Head per Citizen Family. Any family member below the age of fifteen who has already ratified the constitution is eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited any eligible family member can be nominated by any other family member. Selection must be voted upon annually and requires a unanimous vote by all eligible voters within the Citizen Family.

One Arbiter of the community. All Family Heads are eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited any Family Head can be nominated by any other Head. Selection must be voted upon quarterly and requires a unanimous vote by all Heads within the community.

One Auxiliary Arbiter of the community. All Auxiliary Heads are eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited any Auxiliary Head can be nominated by any other Head. Selection must be voted upon quarterly and requires a unanimous vote by all Heads within the community.

One Junior Arbiter of the community. All Junior Heads are eligible for election. Whereas campaigning is prohibited any Junior Head can be nominated by any other Head. Selection must be voted upon quarterly and requires a unanimous vote by all Heads within the community.

Section 2:

The duties of these officials are as follows:

Family Heads:

Responsible for tallying family vote taken during family meetings.

Responsible during all community meetings for representing fairly and impartially their own Citizen Family’s needs and affairs expressed through an internally decided vote.

Responsible during all family meetings for representing community needs and affairs fairly and impartially.

Responsible for community representation and outreach in the world at large.

Responsible for leading the community in its continued sustainability and growth through the organization of community projects and the establishment of new communities when need arises.

Auxiliary Heads:

Responsible during all community meetings for representing fairly and impartially family land and resource needs and affairs expressed through an internally decided vote.

Responsible during all family meetings for representing community land and resource needs and affairs fairly and impartially.

Responsible for advising the Family Head, and taking on the duties of the Family Head in times of their temporary absence, and organizing the vote for instating a new Family Head upon the current Family Head’s inability to continue in their duties.

Responsible for leading the community in its continued sustainability and growth through the organization of community projects and the establishment of new communities when need arises.

Junior Heads:

Responsible during all community meetings for representing fairly and impartially the community youth and creature companion’s needs and affairs expressed through an internally decided vote.

Responsible during all family meetings for representing fairly and impartially their family youth and creature companion’s needs and affairs expressed through an internally decided vote.

Responsible for advising both the Family and Auxiliary Heads, and studying the methods, tasks and duties, undertaken by the Heads and Arbiters.

Arbiter:

Responsible for tallying community vote during all community meetings.

Responsible for mediating upon request.

Responsible for running Family Head meetings and co-running community meetings.

Auxiliary Arbiter:

Responsible for mediating upon request.

Responsible for running Auxiliary Head meetings and co-running community meetings.

Responsible for taking on the duties of Arbiter in the current Arbiter’s temporary absence, and organizing the vote for instating a new Arbiter upon the current Arbiters inability to continue in their duties.

Junior Arbiter:

Responsible for mediating upon request.

Responsible for running Junior Head meetings and co-running community meetings.

Section 3:

Family Heads can hold office for up to a year until reelections are held. Family Heads can hold office indefinitely insofar as their family members continue to unanimously elect them annually.

Auxiliary Heads can hold office for up to a year until reelections are held. Auxiliary Heads can hold office indefinitely insofar as their family members continue to unanimously elect them annually.

Junior Heads can hold office for up to a year until reelections are held. Junior Heads can hold office until surpassing the age of fifteen insofar as their family members continue to unanimously elect them annually.

Arbiters can hold office for up to three months until reelections are held. Arbiters can hold office for up to a year insofar as the Heads continue to unanimously elect them quarterly.

Auxiliary Arbiters can hold office for up to three months until reelections are held. Auxiliary Arbiters can hold office for up to a year insofar as the Heads continue to unanimously elect them quarterly.

Junior Arbiters can hold office for up to three months until reelections are held. Junior Arbiters can hold office for up to a year insofar as they are under the age of fifteen and the Heads continue to unanimously elect them quarterly.

Article VI:

Section 1:

Elections of The Heads must take place at least once per year. Elections of the Arbiters must take place at least quarterly. The winners of the elections for Those Responsible shall be determined by unanimous vote. No individual, however, shall be elected as a Head or Arbiter unless having already ratified the constitution.

Section 2:

Before Heads can be instated for a new term each family must meet to nominate individuals for the roles of Family Head, Auxiliary Head, and Junior Head. In the case that more than one individual is nominated for one appointment, elections must be held within the week to determine through unanimous vote who shall fill the role in question. Voting in order to reach a unanimous decision will be held for consecutive days until such a consensus is reached by all family members eligible to vote. Similarly, appointment of the Arbiters shall follow quarterly the same route as Head appointments in the context of the meeting of Heads. Any individual nominated and unanimously voted into an official role must perform their duties as laid out in this consititution to the best of their abilities despite any explicit desire, or lack thereof, on the part of the nominated to hold office of any kind. Elected officials may only abdicate their possision in the case of severe physical or psychological disablilities which impede the ability to perform the required duties of the role.

Section 3:

An offical can be impeached and removed from office through an unanimous vote called for due to their failure to perform the neccessessary duties of their appointed role, or due to their neglect or outright affront of the constition and its tenets. In the case of the latter, a character hearing shall be called to evaluate the reasons for consititional neglect and/or affront and decide upon what, if any, diciplinary actions need take place to ammend the infraction.

Section 4:

In the event of a mid-term vacancy of a Family Head the Auxiliary Head of the family will take on the duties and responsibilities of Family Head in addition to their own duties, until an early election can be held to fill the vacancey with an interim offical upinto the time of the normal election cycle where a permanent official can be once again instated .

In the event of a mid-term vacancy of an Auxiliary Head the Family Head will take on the duties and responsibilities of Auxiliary Head in addition ot their own duties, until an early election can be held to fill the vacancey with an interim official upinto the time of the normal election cycle where a permanent official can be once again instated.

In the event of a mid-term vacancy of a Junior Head the post shall be appointed to the youngest family member eligible for the possition until an early election can be held to fill the vacancey with an interim official upinto the time of the normal election cycle where a permanent official can be once again instated.

In the event of a mid-term vacancy of an Arbiter, Auxiliary Arbiter, or Junior Arbiter early elections are to be held immediately to fill the vacancey with an interim official upinto the time of the normal election cycle where a permanent official can be once again instated.

• Write the rules on elections, appointments, and removal of officers. Article 6 of your constitution should provide the rules on elections, appointment procedures, and removal of members. This article should also provide the rules on interim appointments or elections in the case of a mid-term vacancy.[19]
  • Section 1 of Article 6 can say, for example: “Organizational elections must take place at least once per year.”[20] This section should also provide the general rules on elections, whereas more specific election rules can be written in the organization’s bylaws.[21] The general rules on elections may include, for example, rules on voting procedure. You can write, for example: "The winners of the elections for representatives shall be determined by plurality vote. No student, however, shall be elected as class representative unless he or she receives the vote of ten percent (10%) of the class from which he or she was elected."[22]
  • Section 2 of Article 6 should provide the general appointment procedures for appointing officers, whereas more specific appointment procedures can be written in the bylaws.[23]
  • Section 3 of Article 6 can say, for example: “The members of the Board may be impeached and removed (enter grounds for impeachment and removal and enter impeachment and removal procedures).”[24]
  • Section 4 of Article 6 can say, for example: “In the event of a mid-term vacancy of an elected officer…” followed by the procedure for electing an interim or permanent replacement officer.[25]

Write the rules on committees. Article 7 of your constitution should provide the names of committees, the duties of each committee, the rules on selection and removal of committee members, and the procedures for formation and dissolution of committees.[26]
• Section 1 of Article 7 can say, for example: “The standing committees of this organization shall be…” followed by a list of all standing committees.[27] Note: a standing committee is a permanent committee whose purpose is to consider all matters that relate to a particular subject.[28]
• Section 2 of Article 7 can say, for example: “The duties of each of these standing committees shall be…” followed by a list of the duties.[29]
• Section 3 of Article 7 should provide the rules on how committee members will be selected and removed.[30]
• Section 4 of Article 7 can say, for example: “Additional committees may be formed and dissolved by the organization…” followed by the procedures for adding and removing committees.[31]
Provide for the creation of bylaws. Article 8 of your constitution should provide the rules on how the organization’s and executive board’s bylaws will be created and amended and who has the power to do so.[32] Note: Bylaws are rules that an organization adopts to govern its internal operations and its dealings with others.[33] These rules are intended to complement the constitution. Bylaws can be detailed rules that cannot be covered in detail in the constitution itself.
• Section 1 of Article 8 can say, for example: “Bylaws of the organization shall be established and amended by…” followed by the procedures for creating and amending the organization’s bylaws.[34]
• Section 2 of Article 8 can say, for example: “Bylaws of the Board shall be established and amended by…” followed by the procedures for amending and creating bylaws of the executive board.[35]
• Bylaws should not contradict anything in the Constitution. Generally, bylaws contain detailed provisions on such topics as membership, dues, duties of officers, the Board, committees, order of business, amendment procedures, and other specific policies and procedures necessary for the organization or its operation.

Write how the constitution can be amended. Article 9 of your constitution should provide the rules on amendments to the constitution. This article should state how and by whom amendments can be proposed and what percentage of vote is required for the amendment to be adopted. A common example is two-thirds of the voting membership.[36] This article may state, for example, "Amendments to the Constitution may be proposed by two-thirds (2⁄3) vote of the Student Council or a petition signed by fifty (50) currently enrolled students."[37]
Write how the proposed constitution shall be ratified. Article 10 of your constitution should provide for how the constitution you are proposing shall be ratified. This article can say, for example: “This constitution shall be established by a vote of a (insert fraction) majority of the membership of the organization.”[38] A recommended fraction for ratification is a 3/4ths majority.[39]
Write how questions concerning the interpretation of the constitution shall be decided. You can write, in Article 11, for example: "Questions concerning the interpretation of this document shall be decided by the Board."[40] *

Hi everyone,

It's been another week and it's time again time to share what you've managed to table over the past week.

Personally I had a two player game of Barrage, the first time I've played the game in a year or two. I completely forgot just how stressful Barrage is.

I tried to screw my opponent over by adding a conduit to a basin that was his main energy source and he responded in kind by tapping mine. Thus the game became very centred on turn order and he kept beating my production and securing it each round. Whilst this happened I amssased a huge number of concrete mixers and excavators and thought I'd be able to pull his lead back by outbuilding him, but it never really happened and he ended up winning by a very comfortable margin. Great game, but very stressful to play.

We followed up with a couple of games of Santorini.

Also, participation has been a bit lacklustre the past couple of weeks. I'm wondering if this weekly thread is actually enjoyable or just annoying?

For those of us who caved and got the Early Access, what are your thoughts on the game so far? Please remember to tag spoilers!

And for anyone looking forward to it coming out on Wednesday, got any plans for a build or character?

Darlington is the first race of the NASCAR playoffs.
367 laps
Network NBC

Didn't see a thread for discussion of the race so thought I would start one. Who is everyone pulling for? Ive been a Blaney fan for awhile, but I'm excited to see what RFK can do.

Said to my friend while we were minding our own business yesterday when walking from A to B in the city. For this old bigoted man that we happened to walk past, simply (gasp) looking at a trans person was too much for him. How dare she go outside while being transgender? Nope, gotta call that out! Gotta tell this stranger that I find her disgusting! That's super important and I am doing the right thing..!

At least, that's what I imagine his train of thought was like. Who knows.

Blows my mind that people can't just keep homophobia/transphobia to themselves. For reference, there was no pride event or anything, like we weren't dressed in kinky outfits, we weren't waving dildos around or something. Not that being dressed a certain way would have excused his behavior, but it's just to say we were wearing very normal clothing and looked decidedly ordinary and neutral. The only thing that revealed to this guy that my friend is trans is that she hasn't done voice training. She passes perfectly fine outside of that, and so do I - we've both been on hormones and transitioning for 3-4 years.

So perhaps the crime we committed was to make him think we weren't transgender? And then he heard her voice, and felt fooled? I suppose to him, it's the end of the world if he was accidentally attracted to a trans woman if even for a second.

My friend thankfully doesn't let this kind of stuff get to her. She grew up extremely conservative (her family still has a "don't ask, don't tell" policy for example) so she's always had nerves of steel to deal with everything, and I'm glad for her that she can shut this kind of stuff out. I really admire her for how strong she is and how she's able to always persevere. She's probably already forgotten about it but for me, I need to work on similarly not letting this stuff get to me. The man wasn't even talking to/about me but I think the reason I'm so upset about it is that it may just as well have been said to me.

I'm trying to focus on the good, and to not let one vile person ruin it. Because me and my friend had such a nice day together.

Good morning ~ This is a thread to discuss new album releases that have arrived on our doorstep this week. Feel free to share albums and EPs that have caught your eye and interest!

Discussion Points

What are you looking forward to listen to?
Have you listened to any of these releases?
What are your thoughts?
What have you enjoyed from these artists in the past?

Why Friday?

Most (but not all) new LPs release on a Friday, as labels want to give the release a full week of sales before entering the charts.

~~ Feedback on the format welcome!

I've only thought about series, but here are the top five that are seared into my mind.

#5 Katanagatari

Having been pretty skeptical of watching this in the first place, I made it that far and did not see this coming at all. I was totally dumbstruck. I'm thankful that I didn't see this when it originally aired, because there was no way I would have been able to wait a month for the next episode.

#4 Mononoke

The exorcism sequences.

I would link the first scene, but the only high-quality sources I can find are on YouTube, and their video compression simply cannot do it justice. If you are interested in this show at all (and you definitely should be, it's truly a work of art!), don't try to find out too much, just go in blind.

This just blew me away when I first saw it. I still think of this anime as the benchmark for art direction, and any of those scenes could probably qualify as the best-looking clip I've seen in the animated visual medium, period.

#3 Shigurui: Death Frenzy

Irako Seigen vs. Iwamoto Kogan fight

Even without knowing how the details of this scene fit into the wider context of this near-masterpiece of a show, this video speaks for itself.

#2 Aku no Hana

The classroom scene.

This show is SO good at building tension, and this scene was almost as cathartic a release for me as it was the characters. At the end of this episode, I was just stunned. Lovely cinematography as well.

#1 Ghost in the Shell Stand Alone Complex: 2nd Gig

The Tachikoma are one of the best examples of character development I've seen in anime, if not the best. By the time this played out, I couldn't believe those silly little spider tank robots managed to make me shed a tear..

So, what are yours, and why? Please tag spoilers as necessary!

Recently I've been rewatching GIRLS for the umpteenth time. When the series finale originally aired, it was a mini “Game of Thrones finale” situation. Fans were largely disappointed by the final episode, many disliking season 6 in general. It's one of my favorite shows, but usually when I rewatch it I either skip the very last episode, or I skip the entire final season, instead pretending that the season 5 finale was the ending of the show.

The finale of GIRLS hit a lot of marks for controversial finales. A few beloved characters were largely missing from the final episode/season or didn't get closure that people expected. The ending for the main character seemed to come out of nowhere (magically landing a dream job after struggling with employment the whole show,) and her overall arch didn't seem to align with her personality or anything that had happened up to that point. No one really got a happy ending, and the overall message or theme of the show seemed unclear, since many of the characters experienced very little growth over the course of the show, or they did actually experience some growth that was ignored when their conclusions were written.

I thought it might be fun to see if any of you have similar thoughts about any TV shows that didn't end the way you expected, or what you imagine would happen in fantastic shows that never even got an ending due to being canceled early. A few examples that come to mind:

• The obvious - How would you salvage the disaster conclusion of GoT? (I've seen so many takes online that manage to make it more satisfying.)
• I haven't seen Dexter, but I've heard that the ending was unsatisfying and clashed with what people expected from the main character.
• How could HIMYM have ended if the whole show wasn't instantly tranformed into a bait and switch with the finale?
• What would've happened with the characters on Freaks and Geeks, had that amazing show been allowed to continue for another season or two?

I intended to write about how I would want my example show to have ended, but honestly I'm stumped. Writing is hard! Especially if you don't have the luxury of planning the ending ahead of time, which I imagine was the issue for the writers of many of the classic "controversial finales." I'll probably add a comment about it after I come up with something.

Good morning ~ This is a thread to discuss new album releases that have arrived on our doorstep this week. Feel free to share albums and EPs that have caught your eye and interest!

A little later in the day this week - was waiting for Drake's scheduled album to drop, which it never did. Inb4!

Discussion Points

What are you looking forward to listen to?
Have you listened to any of these releases?
What are your thoughts?
What have you enjoyed from these artists in the past?

Why Friday?

Most (but not all) new LPs release on a Friday, as labels want to give the release a full week of sales before entering the charts.

~~ Feedback on the format welcome!

When traveling on the German high speed ICE trains, you have access to the ICEportal website with a.o. information on your journey and newspapers. The portal also gives you some stuff to waste time on, which includes games. What I love about it, its a collection of simple classics, such as a bubble shooter, a 2048 style puzzle, an arcade motorbike game, and all without the typical freemium advertising or grinding.
Does anyone know about similar offerings? I really don't mind paying, I do mind the advertising or grinding which seems to have become standard. Or even better, if anyone knows how to have the ICEportal games without being on the wifi of the train? What are your thoughts?

The original title I conceived of for this was “How are you your own hypocrite?” but I didn’t like that it came across as negative and judgmental. Nevertheless, you can use that as a jumping off point for what I’m trying to get at.

I think we all have ideals and beliefs and values that we simultaneously hold but also fail to meet on a regular basis. I also think these can be hard to identify. We all like to think that we’re consistent individuals and, when something is out of alignment, we often find very good reasons or explanations for why that is. Sometimes those can be valid, but sometimes they’re really just motivated reasoning aimed at keeping a sense of internal consistency in ourselves.

I’m interested in people exploring the inconsistent areas of themselves (it’s been something I’ve been thinking a lot about lately), but I think to do that this topic needs to be a space where people can be open, honest, and vulnerable.

Please do not jump on someone for the inconsistencies they share or for their failure to meet certain standards. Please do not use this as an opportunity to get in arguments with others.

The whole point of the thread is to explore difficult areas rather than judge them. If people feel that they will have to be pressured to defend themselves in doing so, they simply won’t comment and the whole thought experiment will be for moot. Think of this as a shared space for thoughtful self-reflection and commiseration rather than a battleground.

We are renting a condo in an area that's experiencing tremendous rent and home price increases, so much so that if we refuse to renew our increased lease, we'd be looking at spending 2-3x on rent for a similar property. This is, somewhat conveniently, almost exactly what the total cost of monthly expenses would be if we purchased the unit at its estimated cost when comparing to similar units in the complex that recently sold. We also really like the location and would rather eat an increase in rent here than relocate in our city, which complicates things a little further.

My wife and I have floated the idea of approaching our property manager and asking if the owner has any willingness to sell, but we are also trying to imagine possible consequences of starting that conversation -- in particular, should they opt to sell but not to us. There are also some things that we'd like to update in our unit that would fall under the landlord's obligation while we are renting (plumbing issues, windows and blinds need repairs, etc.), so we're trying to gauge if we should even have this conversation before we request repairs.

We've thought about a few different options, and I'd be interested to hear from others who have tried anything similar.

1. Just ask to buy it and see what happens.

   • Pro: skirt all the bullshit and just get to the meat of the issue, which is that we want to buy the property.
   • Con: They check the price, decide to sell to someone else and we're back in "rent the same for more but in a worse location" territory. If they decide to sell to us, they might resist performing repairs because they'll just offload it to us eventually.

2. Wait for repairs to be done, then ask.

   • Pro: get our unit fixed, improve QOL immediately.
   • Con: They might be less likely to sell to us if they think we were trying to get stuff fixed so we didn't have to fix it after buying.

3. Offer some kind of plan to cost-share improvements or fixes in exchange for rent adjustments within the initial approach about buying.

   • Pro: Get improvements/fixes to the house quickly, reduce rent expenses regardless of if we are able to buy or not.
   • Con: They essentially get to subsidize improvements to their unit for long-term gain while we only get short-term benefits.

Good morning ~ This is a thread to discuss new album releases that have arrived on our doorstep this week. Feel free to share albums and EPs that have caught your eye and interest!

Discussion Points

What are you looking forward to listen to?
Have you listened to any of these releases?
What are your thoughts?
What have you enjoyed from these artists in the past?

Why Friday?

Most (but not all) new LPs release on a Friday, as labels want to give the release a full week of sales before entering the charts.

~~ Feedback on the format welcome!

So, this is something I discovered last night that is just blowing my mind: for most of the past year, the channel TeenNick is showing only Henry Danger.

I cannot emphasize how literal I am being with that. Usually "a channel is only showing X" is an exaggeration, but for once, no. As far as I can tell, 99% of TeenNick's programming has been Henry Danger or its spin-off, Danger Force, for the past year. At most, there are brief "respites" where it will have a block with another show. For example, from July 27 to 31, it aired Zoey 101 from 11 PM to 1 AM. Two hours late at night, and then back to Henry Danger. Similar story with some new Nickelodeon show called Erin & Aaron: it showed periodically starting on April 22, and was apparently last aired on July 4.

Otherwise? Most days are JUST Henry Danger. Even Wikipedia lists Henry Danger and Danger Force as the only current shows. (Along with Nick News, which apparently only airs once a month.)

This is just honestly stunning to me. For those unfamiliar with TeenNick, it's a sub-channel of Nickelodeon. As far as I can remember, it pretty much never had original programming, but would air reruns of mostly live-action shows from Nickelodeon (either older finished shows or currently airing), some older Nickelodeon cartoons (Hey Arnold and Rugrats), or shows picked up through syndication (namely Degrassi, and more recently America's Funniest Home Videos and Wipeout for some reason...?).

What I'm saying is there is no reason for them to ONLY air this one, single show. It can't be blamed on any production issues, since it primarily airs reruns. TeenNick SHOULD have access to all the other shows from Nickelodeon's library, so it can't be a licensing issue either. As stated earlier, it aired episodes of a show that premiered this year on Nickelodeon. And Henry Danger is fairly recent, ending in 2020, so I don't know if it's a matter of residuals.

The only reason I can think of is that they want to push people to get Paramount+. Except even with that logic, this channel is currently a waste of money. Henry Danger has a total of 128 half-hour episodes (though I think some are part of a one-hour special, so Wikipedia counts 121 episodes...?), so that's basically 5 days' worth of content before airing the same thing again. That's not enough to justify a dedicated channel—not for viewers or advertisers.

From a cursory internet search, they average 66,000 viewers, with a peak of 99,000 on January 1, 2023. I can't imagine that would appeal to advertisers. I feel like the costs of running the channel outweigh any potential profits. This feels like it's just a money sink.

I just... I can't wrap my head around it. What the heck??

Anyone have any thoughts on this? Or just want to join me in boggling over this weirdness? This feels like it could be a symptom of cable's overall degradation (I've seen people comparing it to Cartoon Network's limited programming in recent years), but... It almost feels like this channel is being sabotaged? Deliberately set up for failure and closure? Just, I can't wrap my head around a year-long nonstop "marathon".

Note: Because the post is already going to be long enough, this will only cover the movies from May to July. August still counts as the summer movie season, but there's usually not a lot of big movies released, and this August hasn't been particularly interesting so far (do we really need to wait for Blue Beetle to bomb to talk about DC?).

On paper this should have been a great summer: The last Guardians of the Galaxy movie, another installment in the highly successful Fast and Furious movies, another Disney live-action remake which have been incredibly successful, a movie featuring Michael Keaton back as Batman, Indiana Jones, and a Tom Cruise movie after his highly successful Top Gun sequel.

That was on paper.

So what actually ended up happening?

Well a lot of busts.

First let's go over the saga of Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 3. Early on it was a contender for a billion dollars this summer. Unfortunately for Disney Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania came out with the absolute worst reception of any Marvel movie since Eternals (and honestly even then it was definitely worse received). The Marvel brand was now tainted, at least a little. Pre-sales (that being the sale of tickets that people buy in advance) was looking bad. At one point it looked like it might open below 100 million.

In response to this, and confident in the product they had, Disney decided to drop the review embargo earlier. Resulting in similar positive critical reception that Black Panther: Wakanda Forever received . This finally made pre-sales climb higher, and once people actually started watching the movie positive word of mouth lifted it up to 118 million for the opening weekend. Still, this was much lower than what Guardians 2 opened up to six years ago (145M). It had a similar Cinemascore (the gold standard for audience reception) as Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (A) but if we look at other factors it indeed had better word of mouth. It's because of this glowing word of mouth that it was able to leg it out 358 million. Having the best multiplier of any Marvel movie since... well the first Guardians. It also had more appeal internationally than the previous two Guardians movies (maybe due to the darker tone) and it made nearly 850 million worldwide. Which is phenomenal, especially considering it got off to a shaky start that first weekend.

I should re-iterate: Marvel movies don't perform like this anymore. They usually have big openings and weak-ish legs. Having a softer opening but longer legs is a thing of the past for these types of fan driven movies, they're usually reserved for films aimed at older audiences.

I'm gonna group the next two May releases together. Fast X and The Little Mermaid also had high expectations. Both are coming from predecessors that have made billions of dollars. And actually, both didn't perform too bad overall. Fast X didn't do well domestically (it's basically a dead franchise stateside) but did very well internationally making 700M WW, and The Little Mermaid didn't do well internationally but did pretty well domestically nearly reaching 300M DOM and 550M WW. These are respectable grosses. Just one problem: their budgets. Fast X is sporting a 340 million dollar budget, making it one of the most expensive films ever made, and The Little Mermaid is sporting a 250 million dollar budget. The break-even points for these films are 850M and 625M respectively. They did not reach them. They would have been profitable if Fast X had the same budget as F9 (225M) and The Little Mermaid had the same budget as Cinderella (95M). Those would have been the responsible budgets to make these films with, but alas shit happens. They were both shooting during the pandemic, which raised costs on productions, and Fast X had to switch directors half-way through production.. Still, money losers are money losers.

June starts off with a bang. Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse opens to 120 million, more than Guardians 3 and four times more than what it's predecessor opened to. With great reviews and great audience scores, it becomes the first true out and out success since Guardians 3. It also had a much lower budget than all the summer blockbusters thus far. 100-150 million, according to differing reports (we'll know by the next year when Deadline does their most profitable blockbuster list) making profitability much easier. The film basically covered it's production budget in one weekend. It legged out pretty well. Outgrossing Guardians 3 domestically (375M) but not being able to match it internationally making nearly 700 million WW. While it did "fail" to meet the high expectations of 400M DOM, it's still massively successful. And will remain in the top 5 grossing films domestically.

The rest of June is a different story. First up we got Transformers: Rise of the Beasts, which was, at one point, one of the biggest movie franchises around resulting in two billion dollar films. While it beat expectations opening weekend, opening to 61M, it did not leg it out very well. 155M DOM and 420M WW is not a great number, especially not compared to it's 200M budget. It made less than Bumblebee despite having twice the budget. It's basically a dead franchise at this point, and it was not the win Paramount needed after Dungeons and Dragons also flopped.

Then we get a double whammy. The Flash and Elemental open the same weekend. At one point The Flash was projected to open well above 100 million just for the weekend, but pre-sales told another story. Pre-sale trackers on the forum BoxOfficeTheory, saw what industry tracking couldn't: a lack of interest. The sales just weren't there. DC as a franchise is already on the decline. This was a movie about a minor character that debuted in Justice League (which also bombed heavily), with a controversial lead star, and just unappealing trailers, who would be interested? Michael Keaton fans, supposedly. That was what people were clinging onto. The older Keaton fans would come out and help the movie. Apparently there aren't any. Doesn't help that Keaton had his last Batman outing over thirty years ago, meaning no one below the age of 40 even really cares about him as Batman. It opened disastrously to 55 million. dropping throughout the weekend from toxic word of mouth. It didn't even manage to hit the lower end of those initial projections throughout it's entire run. WB dumped so much money into this, just for it to be the biggest bomb in their studio history.

Elemental, on the other hand, ended up fairing a little bit better. Not on opening weekend. God no. It opened to 29M, one of the lowest openings in Pixar's history. But, it was really well received by audiences. And people kept watching it week after week, resulting in some of the best legs Pixar has had in a while. Reaching over 150M DOM, and over 400M (and counting) WW. If it reaches 500M WW, which it still looks like it might, it would break even theatrically. That's not great, as studios would love to make money theatrically, but considering this could have been a massive money loser for Disney, it's quite an impressive run. Thanks to Disney's re-commitment to theatrical, their animation studios are slowly building themselves back up in the eyes of audiences.

To end the month came Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Supposedly the Top Gun: Maverick of 2023, at least that's what some people had pegged it as at the beginning of the year. Once again, it didn't work out that way. It premiered at Cannes to mixed reviews, and while the funko pop critics were able to get it to fresh on RottenTomatoes, the damage was done. Indiana Jones spent months with a rotten symbol. Even before that, trailer views were weak, the interest just wasn't there. Why? I think perhaps Crystal Skull was supposed to be the last outing for the character (which actually ended up being the second highest grossing film of 2008 and even outgrossed The Dark Knight internationally), and even before that The Last Crusade was supposed to be the last outing of this character. And now we're getting another last outing for the character. Except now he's 80. A fantasy wish-fulfillment character being 80 is probably not a great thing. It's also another situation where no one below 40 really cares about Indiana Jones (me excluded but I don't share the viewing habits of other people my age). So... it was over before it even started. It opened okay all things considering, 60M isn't bad. But it had mediocre drops week to week, no doubt due to mediocre word of mouth. And again, the budget was out of control. Initially reported to be 290M, the actual budget ended up being 320M. It didn't even get close to 400M WW. Making it one of the biggest bombs of all time, and certainly the biggest bomb of the year. This is probably the last straw for Lucasfilm. I can't imagine Disney letting them continue doing things this way.

Next one comes a sad one for me personally, Mission Impossible: Dead Reckoning - Part One the first big movie of July. They decided to release it over a 5-day weekend. And, more importantly, decided to open the weekend before Barbenheimer. Unfortunately, that meant that no one was paying attention to Tom Cruise's latest critically acclaimed action film. It opened below 80 million for the 5-day weekend, below Indiana Jones even. It's only hope was to leg it out well. But again, two big movies would come out a week later. Mission Impossible was yet another victim of Paramount's idiotic release date decisions. Dungeons and Dragons opened a week before Mario, despite positive reviews and audience reception that ended up dropping like a rock too. If Paramount had picked more empty dates both of these movies would have done better. MI is the only blockbuster this summer to be extremely well reviewed, to get positive audience reception (same scores as Fallout) yet not be a success at the box office. The budget didn't help, 290M, it was one of the first productions to restart during the pandemic that's where this audio of Cruise yelling at crew members breaking protocols comes from. They actually set the standard for productions during the pandemic. But, money losers are money losers, and Paramount has been bleeding a lot of money.

One of the more interesting success stories so far this year is Sound of Freedom. Originally produced in 2018, 20th Century Fox held the distribution rights. When Disney bought Fox they shelved the movie. Angel Studios then got the rights to the film. They opened it on the Fourth of July weekend (America!) to rave audience reactions. It opened modestly, to 19 million, but has legged out spectacularly. Outgrossing summer blockbusters like Transformers: Rise of the Beasts and Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny. Domestically anyway. It was powered by conservative influencers and the often reliable christian market. It's been debated if this should count. As they had a pay it forward service, meaning people would buy tickets for others to use for free. There were several reports of sold out screenings playing to a largely empty room. Whatever it is. It's money for movie theaters. And it's clearly playing well to an underserved market.

Now we get to the big one: Barbie and Oppenheimer. For over a year these two have been building up hype. Christopher Nolan, who usually has his films distributed by Warner Bros., was incredibly unhappy with how they sacrificed his film Tenet during the 2020 pandemic and even was even less happy when WB announced that their entire 2021 slate would be day and date on HBOMAX. He then takes his next project to Universal, after they agreed to a laundry list of demands. They pick the date July 21st, because that's the date Nolan likes and is "reserved" for him. Warner Bros originally had Coyote vs Acme there, a live-action Looney Tunes film with John Cena. However, they remove Coyote vs Acme from the schedule (it still has no release date) and instead put Barbie there. It originally started off as a "battle." Who would win, who would flop? But as we got closer, it became something else. The stark contrast between the two films, while both being from filmmakers who are lauded by younger people online, led to the creation of Barbenheimer. It wasn't "which one will win" it was "we're excited for both." It also wasn't, as some people think, manufactured by Universal and Warner Bros (why on earth would competing studios work together) it was organic. If it wasn't organic it wouldn't have worked. Barbie opened to over 160M and Oppenheimer to over 80M.

What makes their successes so great for the industry, is that they're in genres that have not been doing well post-pandemic. Even pre-pandemic comedies like Barbie were struggling. The last big comedy to hit 200M DOM was Ted back in 2012. Barbie easily blew past that. It's also a female oriented film in a time where women have been one of the slowest demographics to return to theaters. Adult dramas were also on lifeline. Elvis had been the highest grossing one post-pandemic, but pre-pandemic we would get multiple hits. In 2019: 1917, Little Women, Ford vs Ferrari, and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood all grossed over 100M DOM. In the two years since the pandemic only Elvis managed to hit that mark. But now Oppenheimer, something that on paper is tailor made for the end of the year Oscar season, opens like a blockbuster in the summer. It's the first drama to make over 200M DOM since Joker, and first non-franchise drama to make that much since Bohemian Rhapsody and A Star is Born crossed that threshold back in 2018.

Maybe it's a fluke, maybe it was just because it was these films specifically. But it's hard not to feel optimistic that this will translate to other dramas like Killers of the Flower Moon and Napoleon, and other female-oriented films like Wonka.

Smaller successes and optimism for the future of theatrical:

I covered the big movies. But what about the rest of the slate? Movie theaters can't just survive on 20 or so big movies a year. They need the smaller films to still deliver some money. These past two years, the box office has been incredibly top heavy. We either got films that only made a ton of money or we got movies that made no money.

Let me give you an example of the struggle of this specific market. The Peanut Butter Falcon was the 100th grossing film domestically of 2019. It grossed 20 million. In 2021 it was The Father with 2.1 million, in 2022 it was Cyrano with 3.8 million. You can see the toll the pandemic took here. But you can also see slight recovery.

I believe 2023 is the year we see substantial recovery in his part of the market. Smaller, non-franchise, and art-house films have been making more money than they have been in the past two years.

Let's look at some examples:

Asteroid City has the highest opening PTA (per-theater-average) of any film since the pandemic. Over 100k PTA something that used to be more common before the pandemic. And, once it goes wide, grosses 27 million domestic. Compare that to Wes Anderson's previous film which grossed 16 million domestic.

Past Lives also opens to a healthy PTA of 58k. That's higher than TAR and The Banshees of Inisherin. And that's without any star power and without having a well known Director. It has Oscar buzz, to be fair, but so did the other two and it still managed to outgross both of them when it went wide. So these types of awards films are already doing better than they were even six months prior.

No Hard Feelings not so much a small film, it's not an art-house film, and it's not an awards contender. It's a mid-budget comedy that relied solely on star power as a selling point. It's exactly the type of movie that failed countless times in 2021 and 2022. Yet, it outgrossed star-studded R-rated comedies from last year such as Amsterdam, The Menu, and Babylon pretty easily. Making 50 million domestic. It, perhaps, did not turn a profit theatrically, but it at least made some of its money back. Even a year ago, the thought of this type of movie making anything more than it did would have been unfathomable. Even Ticket to Paradise, which did make more than No Hard Feelings especially internationally, was PG-13 and had two old school stars headlining it instead of one young one.

I think these three movies really do show how much the market continues to improve, even as we faced massive bombs. When something as benign as Theater Camp can open with a PTA on par with Banshees of Inisherin, we're definitely heading in the right direction.

This was quite the summer for Hollywood. With so many high profile bombs, and two surprise hits, this already feels like a transformational year for the industry. Trends are changing. Franchises from the 2010s (mostly from Disney) are no longer the guaranteed money makers they were. The unions are on strike. Studios are looking to cut costs. It's a whirlwind.

Almost 6 months ago Corridor Crew released an AI-drawn anime short (ANIME ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS) with an accomppanying making-of video ( Did We Just Change Animation Forever?). It got... mixed reception. Some loved the new era of "democratizing animation" (meaning you don't anymore need a team of hundreds of animators which in turn means it's possible for smaller creative teams to make their visions come to life), others really hated it for blatantly just ripping off an existing anime (Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust, 2000) and general disrespect over animation as a job and art form -- or at least that's how (some) animators felt. Having heard them talking about drawing each frame with such a passion (on Corridor's show!), I can understand the ire.

Now, almost half a year later, comes the sequel (ANIME ROCK, PAPER, SCISSORS 2) also with an accomppanying making-of (Did We Just Change Animation Forever... Again?). Things... have changed. Basically Corridor realized that stealing art is bad, so they hired a real artist to draw a model sheet as a base for the AI to draw from (instead of stealing others' work). They also hired a person to write a theme song and a team of online artists to touch up every frame of the anime (watch the making-of if you're interested in the details, they go through them very well).

Next, some personal opinions of mine, starting with the first anime. I liked it. It was a nice and funny short with an interesting, smooth style that comes with the territory when there are more frames crammed into a second. Overall, it was the goofy concept of rock paper scissors combined with the over-the-top life and death drama that was fun. Visual style on the other hand, nowhere near ready. The warping and "worming" between each frame were really distracting and it wasn't ready for more than a tech demo (or for some relatively out-there story where that stuff ties into the film, not as a distraction). But I was able to look past those problems because it was a pretty good video.

Most of all, I didn't like them using artists' work without permission (and not saying anything about it).

Now to the sequel. It's... basically same? Same problems, less warping but for example king's crown was changing its color like it was having some sort of multistage chemical burn, and the visual style wasn't as strong and at times more clunky than on the first one. Maybe that's due the fact that the AI style guidebook was a lot smaller or that they were only willing to spent X amount of hours and money working on this while aiming for the anime episode lenght -- I don't know. But the story and the writing were still the best parts. Interestingly also I think direction was a bit weaker and they used too many "cool moment" tricks which made it visually messy. It basically got in the way of the story.

(Also I really dislike that Niko still wasn't taking responsibility for stealing art from others, bit of a bummer since most of us knew better six months ago already.)

What they proved with the second anime is that AI is still not close to replacing actual artists and it's a lot of work to make them even this way -- even if the AI part worked smoothly! But most of all what matters is the content, the creativity and how it's translated to the screen. Not the AI. It's a tool, not a revolution.

Edit. For clarity and some additional thoughts.

I used to work in IT but left the field in 2018, so I'm not as up to date as I used to be on things. I'm looking for a new laptop to use for work (primarily word processing and web browsing), ideally something portable with a good sized screen (larger than 13"). I've had a Dell G5 for the last five years because I thought I'd do more gaming on it when I bought it, but it's largely just been a heavy brick in my backpack on travel.

Back in the mid 2010s, I recommended Lenovos to everyone who would listen, but I fell out of love with them toward the end of my IT career when the build quality seemed to be rapidly declining. I haven't really touched them recently, but my dad loves his Lenovo Ideapad Pro.

Honestly, something similar to a Dell Latitude might be what I'm looking for, but I'm open to any recommendations. I need a responsive keyboard and clickable trackpad. Bonus points if there's somehow a laptop out there that has a nub!

ETA: Not looking for a macbook -- will be running Windows!

/// US states so far: California.
/// Countries/regions so far: Germany, Ireland, Myanmar, Hong Kong, Australia.
///

What's happening in your corner of the world recently?

Since the front page is frequently dominated by US news (understandably so with the site is mostly US users) I thought it'd be nice to have a place to highlight news from other countries.

To avoid this thread from becoming just a mirror of the frontpage though, here's something I think we can try, see if it works:

• Start a top-level comment with the country name then post the news as reply (together with your commentary if any). Others can reply to that same top-level comment if they want to share other news, naturally grouping them according to countries.
• English articles are nice but if the news you want to share is available in your language only, that's even better! The value of a thread like this is to highlight the local perspectives, which aren't necessarily well represented in English-speaking news outlets. You can also write a brief summary (in case autotranslate does poorly :p), as well as any context or biases that foreigners might not be aware of.
• For our US friends, you can go one layer down and share state-local news (not all states got representation on the frontpage I'm sure). Same idea, start with the state name then reply with the news. But please keep them all under the "United States" top-level comment so it's easier for others to collapse and find news from other countries.
• Anything you want to talk about other than news sharing can be posted under "Misc".

Curious if there are movements within the governance or research pertaining to the field that act to promote or suppress certain ideas? Was watching the “Infinity explained in 5 different levels” and thought… maybe there are trends for or against interpretations and/or abstractions that get a rise in people…

Good morning ~ This is a thread to discuss new album releases arriving at our doorsteps today (and until next week). Feel free to share albums and EPs that have caught your eye and interest!

Apologies for no thread last week - it was a quiet week and I was on the road. Back to it!

Discussion Points

What are you looking forward to listen to?
Have you listened to any of these releases?
What are your thoughts?
What have you enjoyed from these artists in the past?

Why Friday?

Most (but not all) new LPs release on a Friday, as labels want to give the release a full week of sales before entering the charts.

~~ Feedback on the format welcome!

Simon Hanselmann published a new book this month, Werewolf Jones and Sons Deluxe Summer Fun Annual. I'm curious if anyone has read it or is planning to.

I'm a huge fan of the main entries in the MM&O series, but have been a bit disappointed with the recent spinoffs. Crisis Zone was a lot of fun and captured the mood of the pandemic really well in the first half, but felt like it jumped the shark a bit too much towards the end. Below Ambition is the only book by Hanselmann that I thought was downright not good. There are no interesting stories or redeeming humorous moments, just characters repetitively acting obnoxious. I had to force myself through it.

I've seen a few mixed reviews of Werewolf Jones and Sons on Amazon and Goodreads that raise similar complaints- that it relies too much on shock value without any underlying substance. I like Werewolf Jones, but it seems like he is becoming more and more of a caricature relying on cheap gross-outs (one reviewer called out Flanderization which I thought was apt). I think I might skip this one unless I hear otherwise.

I'm still all in for the next mainline entry in the series. I definitely want to see the resolution to the more dramatic elements that were left hanging (ex. Megg's relationship with her mom, Mogg's insecurities, the return of Owl). I definitely need some plot progression and character development to balance out all of the hedonistic debauchery.

Would love to hear what anyone else thinks about the series.

I sorta think pretty much everything else have been a downward spirel since this millennium was kickstarted with 9/11. Just a random thought! The speed with which trans women moved from being perverted men to moderately tolerated members of society is staggering. Anyone here know why and when it happened?

If we look at Google Ngram for 'trans people' we see an upward curve after 2000 (the internet I guess) but it really took off somewhere after 2010.

I have a roughly 23kg/50lb furball who is approaching 12. She had a CCL rupture 4 years ago, but the vet missed it and thought it was just strained; it wasn't until a year later and she was having leg weakness that I brought her to a different vet who assessed the old CCL injury and that as a result, the knee had developed arthritis. Since then, we have been treating it with pain management, weight loss, and joint supplements. I had asked that vet about surgery but their advice was that it's much more effective immediately and less so once the arthritis is settled in. Her right CCL ruptured later in that year since she'd been overexerting that leg (apparently most dogs who injure one will later injure the other); she immediately had the suture surgery and it went fantastically, with her regaining essentially normal use of that leg.

A few years on and the right leg remains strong but the left leg is weakening, with her starting to show some pain reactions to its use, and I'd like to get some opinions on paths forward. Despite her age she is still in excellent physical shape apart from the leg and I want to be sure her hopefully many years are happy and comfortable. Note this is not in lieu of vet advice (I am writing this from the vet waiting room), but more looking for people's experiences who have tried some of these.

So things I have been considering:

• Surgery of some kind - suture, TPLO, even artificial knee? Pro, fix the knee weakness. Con, with the recovery and risk, I am not confident it would save her more pain and discomfort long term than the procedure would cause. I also have a feeling a full joint replacement might be exorbitantly expensive.
• Physical therapy
• Orthopedic brace
• Accepting that I have an elder pupper and just trying to manage the symptoms :(

I've been participating in my first DnD sessions with a friend, and I'm greatly enjoying it. I've asked permission to DM a single session to get my feet wet, and one place I've always loved (since Planescape Torment) is Sigil. I'd love to have my party wind up there as they sleep, then have them try to learn how to get back home.

I thought it might be fun to have a heist of sorts where they need to get into a brewery to steal some items. I'd like to have some creatures working there that they could fight (if thievery goes wrong), but also some bigger creatures they might be able to avoid in the narrow hallways.

What might be some good options? I've looked at goblins with an ogre moving barrels around, or perhaps some Kua-Toa creatures.

My spouse and I adopted a 9 week old Husky puppy this past weekend who is suffering greatly from separation anxiety and we are at a bit of a loss on how exactly to deal with it. This is not our first puppy or Husky puppy, but the separation anxiety is new territory for us. We have spent a lot of time reading guides on helping a puppy adjust to being on their own and talking with a close friend who is a vet tech, but I wanted to see if there are any things we may have overlooked.

Things we are already doing:

1. Daily walks - we typically take 2x 10-20 minute walks during the day, depending on the weather. We are in the southeastern part of the US and it is unbelievably hot during the day so we go early in the morning and late at night, afternoon is pretty much not an option with temperatures reaching the upper 90's.
2. Lots of play time - tug of war and fetch are the most entertaining for her right now. We also have a neighbor that adopted a German Shephard puppy that is about the same age and they have loved playing together.
3. Crate training - We have a crate in our room which she sleeps in overnight and one in our work area for during the day when she naps.

Things we are starting to implement:

1. Leaving the room for short amounts of time. We are giving her a treat that is only used for this type of training that she really likes in hopes that she associates us leaving as a good thing because she gets a yummy treat.
2. Returning to the room before she gets really anxious so she doesn't associate the crying and destructive behavior with us coming back.
3. She has two Kong toys that I am going to put yummy food in before we leave the room to keep her mind occupied on that instead of the fact that were not there.

I guess I'm looking to see if there are any other tips or tricks we haven't thought of? Any advice or things that worked for your puppies?

I've been diving into Derek Parfit's thought-provoking "Why Anything? Why This?" and exploring Weber's fascinating "Sociology of Religion." It's ignited my curiosity about which research papers or articles have really resonated with you? I'm excited to broaden my reading horizons and discover some impactful reads!

Hi, I have a weird cubic space in my garage wall due to the location of the chimney and stairs to the basement.
The lower edge of that cubic hole is at 41 inches (104 cm) from the floor. Its deep is 40 inches (101 cm). Width 39 inches (99 cm). Height 46 inches (117 cm).
Too deep for static shelves, I cannot reach the end. Too tall for sliding shelves (kind of drawer thing), I am 5'7'' (172 cm). In its current form, it is too much of a space for its practical use.
I thought that a carousel that moves shelves up and down (like in this design for shoes https://storagemotion.com/shoeselect/) but for heavier weights would be practical... I have no idea how to even name the parts to buy them, if they exist.
Also, I will appreciate suggestions for an alternative solution.
Thanks.
PS: located in Massachusetts, US.

This thread can be used for general recommendations for anyone, but I'm specifically looking for a daily sunscreen I can wear on my face and neck.

I'm looking for a holy grail sunscreen that might not even exist (in the US, but I'm willing to import if needed). Here are my preferences:

• Not greasy
• No whitecast
• I'm not allergic to it (this I won't know until I try it -- I'm allergic to "fragrance" which is a relatively useless thing to know -- it just means that any scented product is a roll of the die as to whether or not I react with it because there are thousands of different things that can constitute "fragrance" in a product)

I found what I thought was it: this imported sunscreen. Went on easy, smelled great (green apple!), and legitimately worked.

Unfortunately, I'm allergic to it.

I've since replaced it with this Sun Bum face stick which is similar, but it doesn't go on nearly as easily and the synthetic banana smell is offputting. Nevertheless, I put up with it because 1) it doesn't activate my allergies (yay!) and 2) the banana smell is actually better to me than "regular" sunscreen smell.

Sun Bum actually has a fragrance free mineral sunscreen, but it still smells like sunscreen (which I hate) and it has a really strong whitecast, so it's out.

The Sun Bum I'm using now technically "works" for what I want, but I don't love it. I'm looking to see if there's something out there that I can actually love wearing, especially because I'm going to be doing it daily.

If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know!

I subscribe to a YouTube channel called Motorcoach World, which is run by a guy who iworks for a charter company as both a Director of Operations as well as a driver. He's super passionate about busses and has a lot of videos talking about their history and operations.

He's currently trying to do a cross-country trip on a double-decker all-electric bus. The intro video is here, and he's doing most of his daily updates via live stream here.

I've been loosely following along since it's interesting. He's had a lot of issues with charging. Everything from chargers being unaccessible due to use, being down for maintenance/not working, being de-rated to slower speeds, etc. Obviously his issues will be much worse than typical cars due to the needs for a specific charger type and power rating, but I imagine that electric trucks would run into similar issues?

Anyway, thought it was an interesting. He left California about a week ago and as of yesterday, he's made it to Texas.

Choose one album
that you love
that you think deserves more love

Tell us what it is, and why.

Previous posts in series

Additional Details

So, I had this chat with a friend about verious topics. It made me realize how much I love engaging in discussions, but I also noticed that I struggle to articulate my thoughts logically and effectively frame my arguments. I want to improve my reasoning and argument skills so that I can confidently present my ideas in such conversations. So I'm seeking a book recommendation that can help me develop my logical thinking and persuasive abilities. I'm looking for a book that explains things in a straightforward way, with fun examples to practice with, covering diverse topics to make logical thinking enjoyable. If you have any suggestions, I'd be super grateful

I'm normally the tech guy in my social circles and can make good recommendations but its been a few years since I was a collage student so when one of my associates who is about to start her college journey as a dental student asked me for my recommendation, I wasn't sure exactly what to recommend.

My first thought was an iPad paired with an Apple Pencil and a Logitech portfolio case. This was because she mentioned lots of note taking and drawing. I figured that option gave her the most bang for the buck and versatility to accomplish any tasks necessary while also having longevity to get her threw the next few years. As for what model, I haven't really figured out just yet.

My main drawbacks here are that iPads still don't fully replace a Mac or PC. I don't know what software her college will require and while many schools are modernizing some are still not quite there yet and may require specific software that can't be run on iPads.

Of course the solution to that problem is to purchase a MacBook as well. That should handle most any applications and maybe make longer essays and research papers easier to get through. Ideally that would be option number one, but obviously that's very expensive, and while I do not know what her and her families fiscal background is like, I think its safe to assume that in this economy, even with educational discounts, that's not the most feasible option for most students.

On the other hand just purchasing a MacBook instead of an iPad would work but not be as versatile since apple has yet to produce a 2in1 like the Microsoft Surface. Speaking of 2in1's I thought about the Microsoft Surface and even some Samsung 2in1's with their s-pen equivalent, but longevity has never really been Windows or Chromes OS's strongpoint. Not to mention I really am not a fan of Chrome OS and its many limitations. I know there is a lot of schools that use them, but they also tend to end up unfixable and unsupported.

Again... its been a minute since I was a student, so maybe there are things that I am not thinking about or realizing. I told her I would think about it and come back with some recommendations so I figured I'd ask here for some real life experience while I do some research on the subject.

EDIT

• Her major is dentistry
• She curranty has an iPhone
• I'll ask her to check her schools requirements
• I'll reply to everyone soon, I just wanted to make those things known for everyone.
• Thanks for all the input so far!

This thread may contain spoilers.

I thought it was pretty good! Better than the last episode, we were pleasantly surprised here at house Godzilla. We actually watched the older episode where Kif gets pregnant the night before, so we were very curious to see how Amy would handle everything. Feels were had.

What were your thoughts? Let your voice be heard!