There was a very brief period of time in the late 90s early 00s when the word “webcam” had just started existing and entering the popular discourse; and where that word was practically synonymous with “sex show”.

I think around the time I first heard that word, having a webcam usually meant you would use it to do nude shows with.

They weren’t integrated with computers back then (laptops were super expensive and not popular yet, and they weren’t a mainstream laptop accessory until way later). So if you had a webcam, you had to really seek it out and pay quite a bit of money for it. It made little sense for people to buy them just to use them for personal reasons and most jobs didn’t have a utility for them.

… except sex work. Live, paid access cam shows immediately caught on. And people would see those in ads (ads tended to be trashy with zero quality control back then, even automated. Worse than now, I swear), and associate “webcam” with “webcam show”.

There was no reason to otherwise hook up a camera to a computer if not to stream its contents to the web, anyway. The first webcam, that famous coffee pot, was just that: a web-connected camera. Web cam. Wikipedia talks about “Jenni cam” — I wasn’t on the anglosphere’s internet at the time so this escaped me, but it does seem to agree that the concept entered the mainstream not via videoconferencing, but via cam girls.

I've been married for about 20 years. Our bedroom has been mostly dead for half of that. When I left to go take care of my mother, I didn't know if I would come back home. My husband and I like each other well enough, but we have each been in our own personally narrated relationship hell for too long. While I was away, we started writing each other letters, the distance seemed to let us "get it all out." We both seem committed to making the next 20 years better than the first. If there is any interest, I'm willing to chronicle our journey back from the brink of divorce, as well as answer any questions anyone might have. I'm the one with the lower sex drive, and with sex more tied to emotional intimacy than my partner. I like Tildes as my personal space and don't really want my husband to have an account, but I would let him use mine to speak his own words if that is something someone would want to hear. If there is no interest, I'll delete this topic in about a week, as I would find it a bit embarrassing in my history.

Edit: I would also be interested in hearing how other people worked through this if anyone would like to talk about it.

(By the way, I'm a dude.) So I just moved into my college dorm yesterday, and my roommate moves in later. I figured that since I had a night and a morning to myself, I might as well make it worth it. This morning, I was texting a fella on grindr, and eventually he ubered over. I made us some coffee, and we just talked for ten or twenty minutes. No pressure whatsoever. I really appreciated that. After a while, I said, in the most awkward way possible, "uhhhhh, you wanna sit in the bed?" He said sure, we did, and he said "You wanna cuddle?" We did, and eventually it moved on from there. But every step of the way, he asked permission, and asked if I was comfortable. He also taught me how to do some... things, patiently.

When we started, I was incredibly nervous, but by the time he left, I felt very comfortable. Overall, excellent experience.

TL;DR: What do you do with your SO (if anything) to spark some fun? Do you have a go-to move, or game that gets interest going for some fun?

A lot of us have been sheltering in place for some time now due to covid-19. What do you do to keep things from getting stale- to show effort, appreciation, and attraction for your significant other?

I'm trying to keep things relatively fresh, but we don't have much space where we are. It takes, for example "naked billiards" off the table. I think they have a copy of "Twister" somewhere, so I might try to see if they're into a game night for some physical closeness. If you have a deck of cards, you can always do strip poker, but it might be a little underwhelming.

Of course, it doesn't always have to be a competition either, back/foot rubs are always a well received from both sides in my experience. I'm also aware of a concept called "Chore-Play[*]" and I try to do what I can to make sure my SO never feels like they're pulling the weight for both of us.

I obviously had a couple ideas, but I'm looking for some inspiration too! I'd like so have some things on the back-burner to whip out when the occasion calls for it, or when the time is right.

PS: I'm not really sure what to expect for responses to this, I know it's a rather personal topic and sharing information like that can be uncomfortable for some. You don't have to share what you do in your relationship if you're not comfortable (obviously), but maybe you share a link of some cool ideas you found somewhere instead? IDK, let's get creative with it!

[*]: With that being said, there is another definition of choreplay that I don't think is what we're after (collectively). I'm not talking about using sex as a bargaining chip for chores, which is what some perceive it as. I'm talking about taking the actions to make your partner feel like valued and appreciated half of the relationship. With those feelings of appreciation and care, comes romance and intimacy.

Following an off-topic conversation starting here:

https://tildes.net/~health.coronavirus/mq7/advice_from_a_doctor_who_studied_coronaviruses_for_50_years#comment-4qi7

I thought it would be handy to establish that life still continues even in pandemic lockdown. One participant mentions a successful video date, and another wishes for sex.

The questions below may be personal and sensitive - please use your best judgement in answering or refraining to do so. Usual Tildes rules of courtesy apply.

1. If you're in a relationship, what are you doing to keep it alive and healthy?

2. If you're not partnered, what are you doing, if anything, to date or otherwise meet your needs while everything is closed down (if this is the case where you are)?

3. Does your idea of love or sex require physical contact?

4. If physical contact is required, what, if anything, are you doing to stay safe right now?

Prompted by a recent tildes post about vice, and also this from the bbc, and a conversation with a colleague who just went to a strip club, I keep thinking about this issue.

I have a stake in this, despite being cis male: I have mother, sisters, wife, and most importantly young daughter. And I am a feminist, on simple moral grounds.

My baseline position is that whether a woman chooses to engage in sex work is, and should be legally and socially supported as, entirely her own choice.

The only question I have any business answering, or participating in finding an answer, is whether my patronage of sex work is inherently exploitive, to either the woman whom I am patronizing* or to other women individually or to womanhood and general issues of gender.

And I just can’t come up with a good answer. I do look at porn, but increasingly, as with meat, the potential ethical problems of it are reducing the enjoyment. I have tried to ease my conscience by limiting myself to cartoons and stories, but those wouldn’t stop the harm that is caused by the mere existence of porn, if any exists.

As a purely practical matter, the existence of the industry leads to opportunities for exploitation of individuals, and the advancement of a culture of gender exploitation. But as the war on drugs has so ably demonstrated, any attempt at prohibition only increases the level of exploitation, while smart regulation decreases it. Regardless, though, there’s plenty of exploitation to go around the world, I heard there’s thing called #metoo.

I come from a sex-suppressing, fundamentalist “Christian” background. The quotes are there to indicate that I think much of the practices were anything but christ-like. The principles there swirl through the culture around me in varying degrees of intensity, and they inform and direct my choices (sometimes against my will and my better hopes and ideals). I have to be open to the notion that any objection I have to sex work, or my participation, is entirely a cultural construct. And while I don’t think it is true, I cannot dismiss the notion that morals themselves may have no possible objective existence, having relevance and utility (if at all) only in very time and space limited scopes.

It is what I believe the sociologists call a “wicked” problem. It involves really complicated normative stances, and there’s no data analysis that can provide any guidance. For myself, I expect my participation to continue to wane as I mature. I only hope that whatever I do only further enables and empowers the women in my life and everywhere.

• I almost stopped myself from using this word when I realized potential implications, but ultimately left it in because it (and the fact it was my natural inclination to select it) really highlights the issue for me and hopefully others

Bonus hypothetical: If porn is somehow wrong and harmful, even drawings and writings, are sex fantasies also wrong?