after being with my gf for a while, its become very clear to me that she really appreciate a massage. part of it is just its her love language and part of it is just that her back tends to have issues.

I'm at a place where I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to taking some massage classes to provide her a better experience but I don't really have the time for classes and I am in massive saving mode right now and classes don't seem cheap.

So the next best thing seems to be get some adequate massage tools that couples can use without much expertise but quite frankly, I don't really know what qualifies as a "good massage tool". I was wondering if anyone here has gone down that hole and would be willing to share their experience?

to give you more context on where the tool[s] would be used, she tends to like a massage on the left or right side of her back, not really much in the shoulder area and maybe a little above the bum but not much tbh.

oh and she likes it when I use my knuckles or elbows.

^{I don't know if this counts as ~health.mental or ~life, so admins please feel free to move this as you see fit.}

A few days ago, I bought some Gameboy games for my Analogue Pocket from a local retro game store. I'm sitting here, looking at those cartridges and thinking only one thing.

"Why did buy these? They could just be a ROM".

This particular problem is easy to solve, I beat the games on cart and then sell it back to the store I bought it from. I lose some money, sure, but chalk that up to a learning experience. I just bought a new bag, I'd been researching options for months and finally picked one up when I was in the city. I felt like shit for the rest of the day because it was $30 more expensive than another option, even though the bag I bought:

• was available IRL so I knew it would fit all my stuff, unlike the online-only alternative.
• was made my city, with a lifetime warranty and a repair service available, unlike the alternative.

This seems like an unhealthy mentality to have towards buying things. Sure, a decent amount of restraint should be exercised when making purchases, but I have this feeling every single time I buy something. Even food does this to me to some degree (but usually that's because my eyes are bigger than my stomach, lol). I think this is a battle between my internal minimalist and my internal consumer, and I don't really know how to go about dealing with it.

Does anyone else have similar experience? I'd love to hear your thoughts on this matter. Alternatively, tell the story of your worst moment of buyers remorse :)

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

My friend and I are going to co-present at an industry conference soon. We are comfortable with the subject matter and have finished the first draft of our slides with a very light script. I'm curious if anyone on Tildes has experience with speaking at conferences either solo or co-presenting and what tips you can share from your own experience.

We've already established a few things:

• In the agenda/overview slide at the beginning we'll politely ask people to save all questions for the end for when we've budgeted time. This is because I've seen from the audience other presentations be derailed and run out of time due to a single member of the audience regularly interrupting with questions.
• Keep the text on slides to a bare minimum so that the audience's attention doesn't shift away from us and onto the screen. We're working on this and plan to use images/diagrams wherever appropriate although budgeting time to create these is difficult.
• We're also planning to ensure the speaker notes cover what we're saying so if someone reviews the slides later instead of a recording they'll be able to follow along.

I’m wondering what software I should use to stream games from my desktop to my laptop. I’ve migrated from mostly using my desktop to mostly using my laptop in the last year. But my desktop has a substantially better GPU and I would love a convenient solution for streaming both Minecraft and Steam games to my Macbook. I’m personally not a fan of Steam’s client on MacOS as it is severely buggy for me. So any alternatives would be nice. I’d probably be happy with a low latency low compression full screen desktop mirroring app. But anything more targeted at games could be nice.

Edit: I'm using the free version of Parsec and it seems pretty good.

In the spirit of all the recent Linux posts, I feel like sharing my thoughts too. I've been using Fedora on my laptop for about ~1.5 years, and I've just began using Arch about 5 days ago. I moved to Arch because of all the Windows 11 shenanigans, and I really enjoyed the workflow of i3 on my laptop - the only thing I was unsure of was gaming. But I decided to take the dive anyway.

I installed Arch using the wiki, and it truly felt awesome being able to choose what exactly you want in your system and what you don't. After following the guide, I installed a tiling manger (hyprland), waybar, and a launcher (wofi). It was much easier than I expected (granted I had experience with Linux), after hearing all the Arch boogeyman stories. Though I did accidentally break my system by foolishly doing a `sudo pacman -Rcns ....'. But my configs were still all there and I just had to install everything back, which did not take long at all.

Everything just worked after installing, except for audio. My audio experience was bad, it was crackling and popping all the time. The Arch wiki didn't really have info on this problem, so I took to other avenues. I found a guide that said to change the 'quantums' for pipewire, to some values that I didn't really understand (nor want to tbh). But that fixed it for the most part!

My next problem was discord not picking up on audio for certain applications at all - I narrowed it down to apps that were using ALSA as the backend. So, some apps like Plexamp and Firefox wouldn't get picked up by discord. I changed the backend of Firefox to ALSA due to a longstanding bug which resets the per-app volume level of Firefox every now and then. Setting the backend to ALSA is a workaround, but I didn't know it'd prevent discord from picking up audio. I can't find a solution except to revert to the normal backend - if anyone knows a fix the tech support would be welcome haha

Also the different backends for audio (pipewire/pulseaudio/alsa) make it confusing at times. To me, this is a big hurdle to overcome before the "year of the linux desktop" ever becomes reality - I've had so many issues, even on my laptop. Other than that, the experience is really quite fantastic, the modularity and customization is nuts. I've had quite a bunch of fun tailoring my experience and creating scripts to make the system do exactly what I want.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

I will admit this is somewhat of a selfish topic as I am struggling to make a decision about selling or keeping a used car I own. I have two vehicles, a relatively newer model crossover which is our primary family car, and my daily driver when running errands with the baby. Our second car is an '06 Acura RSX which is a little coupe (although, it's quite practical and spacious for a coupe)

Our current situation is that my wife works less than a mile from home, and I am a stay at home dad. My wife generally walks or rides our electric scooter to work, while very rarely (extremely snowy or rainy days) we will load up and drive her down the road. The result of this is that the RSX sits unused a lot of the time, except for specific times like when she takes the baby somewhere on the weekend and I have errands to run as well, or when the crossover is otherwise occupied (oil changes, tire rotation etc)

For these reasons, we have been considering selling the RSX. Since used car prices have been spiking it would pay off all of our remaining debt on the crossover, and leave us with a few thousand in the bank. It's not a huge amount of money but it will save us a few hundred a month. We are not well-off on a single income, but we're not struggling by any means.

My hesitancy is basically two economic reasons and one personal:

1. With the tariff insanity, used car prices do seem to be spiking and I don't think (or know if) we're necessarily at the price peak. I would regret selling it and having the price jump 25% a few months later.

2. Because of the same reasons, replacing it in a year or two when I want to go back to work might end up costing us more than we made from selling it. My daughter is 18 months now and we'll probably be looking to get her into daycare by 2.5-3 years old.

3. As for the personal reason, I just really like this car. I bought it outright from the insurance payment on my first real car getting totaled, and it has gotten me through some tough times in my life. I have done a lot of work on it to make it "my" car. I love the fact that it's from the era where cars were just machines, but its still modern enough for tech upgrades, and parts for it (both OEM and third party) are basically everywhere. It's cheap to work on and barely needs work to begin with. That being said, it does need a few things done that might be outside of my skill set in the next year or so. I might be able to manage a serpentine belt replacement, but the front control arm bushings are wearing out and it seems like you need a lot of specialized tools for that replacement so I'm not sure I'm confident in doing it myself.

As for the less "me specific" portion of the conversation, I'm just curious what the smart people of Tildes think about what's going to happen in the near/mid future in the US regarding the car market, used cars, the transition to electric vehicles, and what you're thinking about in regards buying, selling, or holding vehicles in these uncertain times.

This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

I am planning to use Plaid API and have a spring boot backend but given that I will be storing my financial information (such as whatever the Plaid API needs me to store to use their endpoints as well as just the transactions on my credit and chequing account), the security of the data is obviously crucial. and I think my problem is I don't know what I don't know.

I have a basic idea of what kind of things I need to protect against.

1. WIll have to use Spring security (or whatever is best) for thing like protecting against xss and csrf
2. I need to ensure that the PostgreSQL database is encrypted

but beyond that, I don't know much about the nuances of each type of security and customizations I should be on the look-out for. wonder if there's a trustworthy resource for at least detailing for me the kind of security I need to implement on either the Spring or PostgreSQL side of things?

So a my building charged me for a clogged toilet repair that turned into a total replacement.

Its listed as a plumbing damage charge, I don't believe they have a basis to charge for that. What should I do?

Also my insurance company interestingly didnt renew my tenant insurance policy ive had fot years with no change.

Should I ask them to provide the documented charge and consider filing a claim with my insurance seeing as they're dropping me anyway? Should I ensure I have a new policy before I file that claim

Not proud but proudly not ashamed

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In the notification setting, I have untoggled both options but then I am wondering how can I mark a comment as read if I dont actually want to vote, label, reply or anything?

I am used to the reddit interface where iirc, you can just hit a button for toggle that state on a comment.

There's white smoke on St. Peter's Square (at 18:08 local time). Given the time it's probably been the fourth round of voting that yielded a positive result. You can watch the vatican media livestream here with english commentary and here without any commentary.

Thought I'd post this as a text post to keep it updated with relevant information (e.g. who it is) over the next hour or so.

The swiss guard has arrived on the square shortly after 18:30. If the previous two conclaves are anything to go by it'll be another 30 minutes or so until Cardinal Mamberti will step onto the balcony to announce the new pope's name.

Update 19:13: Mamberti has entered the balcony and is making his announcement (rewatch here):

Annuntio vobis gaudium magnum; habemus Papam:

Eminentissimum ac reverendissimum dominum, dominum Robertum Franciscum, Sanctæ Romanæ Ecclesiæ Cardinalem Prevost, qui sibi nomen imposui Leonem XIV.

Pope Leo XIV, formerly Cardinal Robert Francis Prevost, is a US American by birth, but moved to Peru later on and became bishop there, making him the second pope from America and first ever US American to hold the title. He's generally viewed as a compromise candidate between progressives and conservatives within the catholic church as far as I know. He was created (as a cardinal) by pope francis and was responsible for personell management under him.

Update 19:23: Pope Leo XIV has entered the balcony and is making his first public statement (rewatch original here or with english subtitles here).

Update 19:40: After speaking for more than 10 minutes (a lot longer than his predrcessors during their first appearance) he's now issued the traditional blessing 'urbi et orbi' and has left the balcony.

How many languages y'all speak? From how many different language families? How many scripts can you read? Any special grammatical quirks that your languages have?

It doesn't matter if it's A2 level or C2 level, share it with us!

I wasn’t sure whether I should file this under ~movies, ~music, or ~society, so I put it here. Feel free to move it elsewhere.

I had a thought this morning: I’m confused about the attention-seeking behavior of famous and wealthy celebrities in the music or film industries, past their peak.

From my point of view, as someone who is neither famous nor wealthy, I think that if I ever reached that level, then I would be more than happy when people stop paying attention to me, and instead start swooning for newer, younger artists on their way to stardom.

It would signal to me that my time to be in the spotlight is over, that it’s my turn to pass on the torch, and that I can now ride into the sunset, content to potentially have several decades of time left for me to just enjoy a quiet, cozy life, making use of my money to amuse myself as well as to invest it in worthy causes, so that I not only leave behind a legacy of fame and wealth, but also improve the lives of other people.

Every famous and wealthy musician or actor could do this.

But so many of them don’t. They choose to, instead, do everything they can to stay in the limelight. They pull extreme stunts with which they harm themselves, which ironically, in many cases only end up embarrassing in the eyes of the world anyway. And they do all of this to retain the attention of people who have long forgotten about them.

What for? I don’t get it.

Is it really so that fame and wealth just corrupts a person to such an extent that they become addicted to being the center of attention?

This thought, by the way, came about because I’ve become aware of many such “extreme and dangerous attention-seeking stunts” from many celebrities in the last few weeks. It’s not about one celebrity in particular. It’s been a thought that has been brewing in my head for a while.