Voiceover: In space, there is SPACE WAR. Once there was a king or something, but he died. Honestly, it doesn't really matter. The Space War continues.

[We open to shots of bucolic farmland -- in SPACE.]

Village Chief: Everyone! We have to make love so the harvest gods make our crops grow! (This is a real line from the film.)

Village Chief: I am going to talk for a bit about religion. It will never come up again in any way for the rest of the movie, and our folksy ways will seem a lot weirder when the main characters walk to a spaceport that's, like, 20 miles away. But that doesn't happen for like another 30 minutes of screentime, so I'm going to go for it.

[Suddenly - Nazis in SPACE. They were presumably mentioned in the opening narration.]

Admiral Noble: Everything about me screams evil. Give me your grain.

Village Chief: Oh, uh, we don't have any.

Gunnar: Even though it's been shown that the whole village loves and trusts the village chief, and he explicitly told me not to do this, I will publicly contradict him in front of Admiral Noble and suggest that we sell the Nazis some of our massive amounts of grain.

[Admiral Noble kills the village chief. He demands all of the grain!!! He leaves some Space Nazis behind for the purposes of terrorizing the village and then leaves while they.. grow the grain? I guess?]

Gunnar: Noooo the consequences of my actions!

[The Space Nazis are evil to the villagers and also each other. They have a robot. He is conflicted about things.]

Robot: Have you heard about the king?

Village Girl: No.

Robot: There was a king. All we combat robots had a prophecy about how he would have a daughter. Then he did. Then they both died. We decided to stop fighting because all the light had gone out of the world.

Village Girl: Well I think you're carrying the light inside you, Nazi Robot That I Just Met.

Robot: That's kind of a weird thing to say, but thanks.

[The concept of combat robots who prophesy, worship a human god-king, and can choose not to fight - by far the most interesting idea in the movie - is never touched again. The Nazis try to rape the village girl, in case the audience needs a reminder that they are evil.]

Old Villager: Kora, when I found you on that crashed ship being all badass and stuff, I thought you were a badass. Please help us!

Kora: No, I don't feel like it. I'm going to leave. If the Space Nazis learn I'm here, they'll kill all of you. Wait, are those guys going to rape that village girl? Well, if I don't help, it'll introduce some moral ambiguity to my character, and we can't have that, so....

[Kora beats the shit out of the Space Nazis, mostly in slow motion. The robot helps, then runs away. He is never seen again, which is very confusing for the watchers since he has had a significant amount of the dialogue thus far.]

Kora: Well, shit.

Gunnar: We have to go find some more fighters to protect the village!

[Gunnar and Kora walk to the spaceport.]

Kora: The Space Nazi Emperor found me as a child and raised me as his daughter. I had to become an assassin or something. Now you know my darkest secret.

Gunnar: Honestly, I'm not surprised at all.

[They go to a bar. A weird alien disses Kora. She shoots him and a bunch of his friends in slow motion, but not before giving them lots of chances to surrender because she's a good guy.]

Kora: Anyway, now that those guys are all dead, we're looking for the super secret rebel leader. You know, the one whose very name means death to mention. Does anybody know how to find him?

[Kai stands up. Kai is sketchy and rougish.]

Kai: Yeah, I do. Plus I have a spaceship, which is convenient. We just need to run some errands first.

Kora and Gunnar: Tight.

[They visit a variety of locales. At each one they find a new member for their crew. Each new character gets a five-minute fight scene in slow motion. None of this is relevant to the plot. None of them get any more lines in the entire movie, because we have a lot of exposition to dump.]

Kora: At one point I was the bodyguard for the princess. She had space magic. It was wild. Anyway, just wanted you to know.

Gunnar: Wait, didn't that robot imply that the king and his family got killed, like, a hundred years ago?

Kora: Nah. Well, maybe. Don't worry about it.

[The crew finds the rebel leader.]

Rebel leader: Fuck off, we don't want to help you and your shitty village.

Gunnar: ...please?

Rebel leader: Good point. Okay, I am going to go help these guys. Team, this is exactly what we have been working towards. Who wants to come with me?

[Basically none of the rebels go with him.]

Rebel leader: Fair enough.

[They go to somewhere. Suddenly, Kai betrays the crew! And the Space Nazis are there!]

Gunnar: What the hell, man? You've acted sketchy this whole time, and now you're just going to go ahead and do an obvious betrayal?

Kai: The space nazis didn't just destroy my planet. They tortured every man, woman, and child living on it first. (This is an actual line from the film.)

Kora: Okay...? You'd think that would make you hate those guys instead of work for them, but whatever I guess.

Kai: Anyway, the whole point of all of this is that I want to collect the bounties on all of these rebel fighters I took you to visit, and I figured they'd come with you when you asked. Because I know your secret identity as the adopted daughter of the space emperor!

Kora: Wait, so you knew where they all were the whole time? And instead of just selling that information you cooked up this insane plan to bring me to them so that they'd join my crew? Why?

Kai: Don't think about it too hard.

[For inexplicable reasons, Kai and the Space Nazis force Gunnar to execute Kora instead of just doing it themselves. Or not doing it, since the whole point of the plan was to take her alive. But wait! Gunnar sets her free instead!]

Kai and Noble: Oh, bother.

[There is a fight. The good guys win - in slow motion. The rebel leader dies, but since he is one of a dozen minor characters, the audience doesn't really care.]

Djimon Hounsou: Guys, this is awesome. It could start a whole... rebellion! I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but actually it really IS. (This is an actual line from the movie.)

Djimon Hounsou: I am wasted in this film. Also, Snyder paid how much for me and gave me literally 35 words of dialogue?

[The Space Nazis get the body of Admiral Noble. They pump him full of juice and he has a vision of the Space Nazi Emperor. At one point the closed captions read "astral ice crepitates," which is just incredible.]

Space Nazi Emperor: I am going to briefly recap the backstories of all of the crew, since you probably forgot as they haven't spoken since they were introduced.

Space Nazi Emperor: Ok, now that that's over - find them!!!

[Admiral Noble comes back to life. The heroes ride horses through a sea of grain, despite this ostensibly being a movie about space. The last shot in the film is of a Nazi Robot in the grain holding a stick and wearing antlers on his head. It is unclear why.]

THE END

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

The results are in, and Dispossessed was the clear favorite with many strong contenders. It looks like quite a few people are interested in participating.

There was a tie for third place so we will start with four books.

Edit
We will discuss Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell in early March,
Piranesi by Susanna Clarke in Mid April,
The Dispossessed by Ursula le Guin in Late May
And Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir at the end of June.

We will discuss Project Hail Mary in early March
Cloud Atlas in mid April
The Dispossessed in late May
and Piranesi at the end of June

At that point I plan to hold a voting thread for fiction and a voting thread for nonfiction and discuss/vote on how frequently to read nonfiction. Please feel free to renominate your favorites that didn't get chosen.

I'm looking forward to this. Thanks for participating.

This is Album of the Week #19 ~ This week's album is Portishead - Portishead

Year of Release: 1997
Genre(s): Trip Hop
Country: United Kingdom
Length: 50 minutes
RYM | Listen!

Excerpt from Vulture:

The album makes total sense, but how does it sound? One could argue that Portishead can be more admirable in theory than in practice. Created in direct opposition to the twinned principles of quick profit and easy pleasure, it’s a masterpiece of painful rigor. With the exception of “Undenied,” the album’s exhilarations, though plentiful, are inseparable from its harrowing politics and embattled nature. Utley’s riff on “Cowboys” is fit to saw through steel; Barrow’s beat on “Elysium” counts its measures with an alarming or bomb-adjacent urgency; Gibbons’s voice, shorn of comforting accompaniments, is charged with a kind of grievous purity throughout, reaching heights of agony unheard on Dummy.

Discussion points:
Have you heard this artist/album before? Is this your first time hearing?
Do you enjoy this genre? Is this an album you would have chosen?
Does this album remind you of something you've heard before?
What were the album's strengths or weaknesses?
Was there a standout track for you?
How did you hear the album? Where were you? What was your setup?

--

Album of the week is currently chosen randomly (via random.org) from the top 5000 albums from a custom all-time RYM chart, with a 4/5 popularity weighting. The chart is recalculated weekly.

Missed last week? It can be found here.

Any feedback on the format is welcome ~~

Tildes Gaming Club is a monthly space to play and discuss games that fit a loosely defined theme.

I see it as a gaming counterpart to our current Album of the Week, Movie of the Week, and Book Club series. Instead of everyone focusing everyone on the same game, however, we're all focused on the same core theme, and we independently choose a game (or games) that fit the theme.

To participate, play at least one game that fits the monthly theme, and talk about it here. You can make one post summarizing your game(s), or you can make multiple posts as you make your way through the game(s).

This month's theme is: Legacy

The theme is open-ended, and it’s encouraged that you interpret the theme however you like. If you need some ideas to get you started:

My goals for the Tildes Gaming Club are the following:

1. I'm hoping this can be a fun way of choosing something to play.
2. I'm hoping this can bring a group/community aspect to people independently enjoying their hobby.
3. I'm hoping this can yield some interesting discussions about different themes.

Server host: tildes.nore.gg
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The server operates on a soft whitelist. Anyone can log in and walk around, but you need a Tildes account to gain build access.