So I've been wrestling with this idea for a long time.

I get that the idea behind being transgendered* is that you don't feel like you were born into a body of the correct sex. You were born male but feel like a woman, or you were born female but feel like a man, and all that. That part I get. I obviously don't "get it" at the level that someone who has that issue would get it, but I know how wonky the mind can be and it doesn't strike me as too hard to believe that this is a thing that happens.

Simultaneously, I see that people of a more progressive mindset are enthusiastic about eliminating gender norms and stereotypes. Women aren't constrained to the kitchen, and men are perfectly fine being stay-at-home dads. All of this I vehemently agree with.

However, I notice a very foundational contradiction when I read or hear about how transgendered people came to realize that they identify as the opposite gender. Pretty much all of the time, I hear them say things like, "I was born a male, but I always enjoyed playing with dolls and wearing dresses," or, "I was born a female, but I always enjoyed rough-housing and trucks," or whatever. Granted, I don't frequently seek these stories out, but whenever I come across them, they follow that general format.

What I don't understand is how you can believe that gender norms are completely arbitrary while simultaneously using those norms as evidence that you were born into the wrong sex. It seems to me that believing in the superficiality of gender norms should automatically render the concept of being transgendered redundant. After all, if being a man or woman isn't determined by the things society socializes us to believe, how would you possibly have any indication that your body has the wrong sex? What would having the "wrong sex" even mean if gender norms are disregarded? If being a man or woman isn't determined by your actions or preferences in life, what left is there to define the genders except your biological sex?

Surely there must be a concept or aspect to this whole thing that I'm missing, because it's hard to believe that such a widespread and vocal social movement has been made out of such a paradox. If anyone has some clarifying information, I'd appreciate it.

*I know "transgendered" isn't the preferred term, but it's clear in meaning and the preferred term is just going to change again soon anyway. So no offense meant by using it.

EDIT: It has since been made known to me that "transgender" itself suffices as an adjective, so my terminology was off on a grammatical basis. For posterity, though, I'll leave the submission as-is.

I'm sure occasional self promoted content is actually fine (asking for feedback on music, games, etc), but I've been a part of several subreddits that had to implement rules where you had to split 50/50 linking to your own content and participating in the community (non link comments). This was to curb people from ONLY posting links to their own youtube videos and nothing else. Content itself was fine, usually, but as you can probably tell, smaller subreddits didn't like being treated as ad spaces for youtubers that didn't contribute anything else. It's not a big deal for larger communities, but a real one for niche ones.

How does tildes expect to deal with this? Is it even an issue? Was this discussed (couldn't find any threads by skimming)?

This is an issue I've had for a while. I've quickly gotten myself a list that's too long for me to be able to read it in any practical amount of time. I read comments online, have conversations irl, walk through a bookstore, and I write a quick note on my phone, or on my laptop. In any case, it's messy, unorganized, I don't remember why I added a book, there's no way to prioritize which books I should/want to read next. So how do you handle having too much to read in too little time?

TL:DR: I can't log in to Tildes from Links browser. Other websites are fine.

I'm not the most computer-literate person (especially when it comes to the Internet). I've been getting into Linux and Arch lately, so I'm a little bit better at it now. So I've been trying to learn text browsers (my choice is Links), and although it's been going fine, I can't log in to Tildes. Other websites like Google or Reddit I can log in, but not Tildes for some reason. I enter my username, password, but then it just takes me to the 'we're invite only' page. When I press 'register', it doesn't even lead to register page, it puts me to the 'we're invite only' page again.

I know there's some developers here, do you know what could be the problem?

Yesterday I went to my first ever (recreational) rowing training. I’ve trained gymnastics before and sailed quite a bit.

It’s a 100+ year old club and the gym is pretty small, but the equipment is quite modern.

To keep the story short (there were quite some notable and funny events, but nothing to do with training itself), after I did some quick stretching and warming up, a friendly chap (could be a young trainer) helped me with the ergo and briefly tried to explain to me what all the numbers say.

So I spent most of my first training (probably 40-60' in total) on an ergo (Concept2 Dynamic, I think). Most of the time I had the setting on 3-4, but then lowered it to 2.

When I checked how many Watts I produced (per stroke, I suspect), I averaged at about 60 W and peaked at 200 W – which is comparable to 14-year old girls who train there regularly. The trainer(?) chuckled and told me that this is to be expected and that I obviously have more strength, but they simply have a much more efficient stroke technique, which I am yet to learn in the first place.

So, are there any rowers present who would be willing to share some of their wisdom?

I've been working on a plan for a local treasure hunt, but I could use some feedback. It'll be hosted through my youtube channel, and will most likely consist of a variety of hikes (some short, some longer, but nothing too crazy), some basic crypto, some cheesy poetry, and some treasure that I've made/will make as the prize.

So that's the nutshell explanation. I'm having trouble making decisions about some of the details. But first, let me go over some of the specifics I have worked out. My plan as of right now consists of the following:

• 5 hunts total, 4 that are similarly structured with 1 final hunt
• The first 4 hunts consist of 3 locations where clues are hidden, and one final location where the treasure is hidden
• The clue locations are revealed equally to everyone participating
• The clues are non-removable, difficult to destroy, so more than one can find them
• The clues are required to determine the final location of the treasure for that hunt
• The final hunt's locations can be determined by supplemental clues hidden in the first 4 hunts

I'm thinking of doing an episode per location, per week. Each episode will consist of searchable features like road signs and trailheads, followed by clips showing highlights of the path to the clue. If the clue is hidden to the general public, I'll show more or less where people can expect it. The clue itself will be a semi-permanent installation. That is, it'll be a physical form that's locked up somewhere for the duration of the hunt. After the hunt is over, I plan on going out and removing them. This is mostly because I don't want rogue hunters to destroy the clues so that no one else can find them. I plan on making a rule that if someone goes out and the clue isn't where it's supposed to be, I'll publicly post it. I doubt anyone would, but I still think it's a good idea to have a deterrent.

I wanted to get some outside perspective on how you think this would play out, and what sort of issues I'm missing as far as game mechanics.

• Would this be the kind of thing people would enjoy bringing friends along for, even though there's only one treasure per hunt? Is there some way I could make it more worthwhile to people playing in groups, without diminishing the value of effort for a single hunter?
• Would it be better to cluster the 3 locations for each hunt together? I feel like it might be more fun as an activity, but there's a much greater danger of making it too easy and having the first person out discover it. I like the idea of spreading the clues out time-wise and space-wise so that more people have an opportunity to take part.
• I have no idea how many people will participate. I have very few followers and almost all of them are friends. I'd like to try and promote it, but I also know that I'm pretty horrible at that sort of thing. Still, I'd like to come up with a design that would work well regardless if it's 5 people or 500 people playing. What sort of issues might happen as the player base scales up?
• I'm kinda going from scratch on these ideas. I've hosted basic treasure hunts before but nothing this complex. Mostly just "crack this cryptogram, figure out what the poem means, find the spot". This is basically the same thing, just with multiple locations required to find the spot. Are there other formats I should consider?
• Should the treasure be hidden? Or would it be better to send it to a winner? If it's hidden, it's probably way more satisfying for the person who finds it. But there's also a risk of someone random finding it. The hiding spots will have to be really good, but there's also a lot of people in this city who get out and about. Having a final problem to solve could be fun if it's done right, or it could be really annoying. I also don't really want to have to ship the pieces. And I think it adds in a dubious factor where people might be more inclined to question the legitimacy of the winner (which happens occasionally with online giveaway contest sort of things). I'm leaning toward just hiding the treasure, but I'm also open to ideas.

For context, not for self-promotion: I'm not really trying to plug my channel or anything like that, I genuinely could use feedback on this and I've really been digging the threads on here. If you feel like you want some context though, I'll put some links. I don't think they're necessary because I hope I explained it well enough and the videos don't really add anything, mostly because I made them before I started planning this. They're more like a weird, long intro.

It started because I was annoyed with my neighbor who kept asking for a favor, and to get sweet, petty revenge, I sent him on a treasure hunt. I liked the idea and wanted to make something similar for everyone else. It tied into a project theme I've been working on lately, so I started making a series of glass sculpture elementals, and introduced the artifact hunt with the first making-of video.

Planning on doing a video for the making of each piece, plus the videos for the hunts. It's gonna be a lot of work so I'm trying to get as much sorted out beforehand as I can. I've been really scratching my head over this for the past few weeks, so thanks in advance for any thoughts!

For the last three years at university I've been eating like crap, but luckily my metabilism is relatively high so it hasn't really become much of an issue. Despite this, I still want to make a complete change and try and live a much more healthier life as I'm not going to be this age forever. I already cycle a lot, but I know exercise is one part of the equation and so I want to try a complete overhaul of my diet as well. I've heard and read a few things about the keto diet but was wondering if any other users have already tried. If so, did it work effectively? How hard was it to shift your eating habits and change up what you normally eat? I'm pretty confident I could manage it I would just like to see if anyone already has some experience with the diet and whether they would recommend it or not.

Hey everyone. I keep a pretty rigorous watch on my calories and I am a vegetarian, so a lot of my meals consist of just vegetables. I am mostly healthy, but I have the hardest time kicking my only real vice: soda. I love it, and I may even be addicted. I gave it up last year for lent, but after my 40 days I immediately started drinking it again. I'm trying to cut back my sugar intake, and I keep finding ways to rationalize drinking it. Anyone out there with tips on how I can kick it for good?

Are users supposed to be able to continue to comment in topics that have been deleted? Once deleted, topics are no longer visible to the group, but the topic is still accessible by URL and users can continue to comment. I just want to clarify if this is the intended functionality or a bug.

Example: https://tildes.net/~test/280/deleted_topic

I have a gaming laptop that I mostly used as a desktop (bought used, was a good price) with external screen and devices attached. This past Sunday, I was wiping the dust off it and noticed that the trackpad felt oddly curved, then I also noticed that entire device body was slightly bloated as... which led to the discovery that the battery is swollen and that it needs to be replaced.

But I wouldn't have noticed it otherwise if I hadn't been cleaning my desk that day. It's placed on the far side of my desk on a laptop stand (although well ventilated) so I rarely pay attention to it, if at all. It might have gone on for much longer and eventually led to a disaster before I even caught on to the problem.

So, my question is: how does one track these potential hardware problems without having to manually inspect different parts of the device every now and then?

(While my device is a laptop with W10 OS, the question isn't limited to just that. Inputs for Mac and other related products are also welcomed.)

I've been seeing a lot of conflicting opinions on Fallout 76. Most of it seemingly boiling down to people being in favor of the experimentation by Bethesda, but against the lack of mod support or the always online component. I'm wondering: for those who are invested in the Fallout franchise, where do you stand on the idea of Fallout 76 and why?

I'll probably elaborate my own thoughts a little later in comments but for now I'm interested in reading other people's opinions.

Next month I’m dropping everything and moving from Kentucky to work in Yellowstone with my girlfriend. I have been to other parks but never stayed more than one night and never taken on multi-day trails/hikes. To other users who have done something similar or stayed in national parks for extended periods of time, what advice do you have? Where are the “must see” parts of Yellowstone? What was the adjustment period like, and what are some safety precautions we should definitely take note of?

One of my friends said "hey why did you unfollow me" I check my following list (witch is really hidden deep into the gui) and I see I went from following 2k (from when I check a few months back) to follow 600 people. WHAT HAPPENED, so now I'm freaking out franticly making sure I didn't lose anyone.

I'm currently in a "how can I improve and refocus" and wanted to see what this group thinks since either seems we have some pretty thoughtful and techy people here.

I have toyed around for years with different techniques. I got really into GTD and used several apps focused on that even writing my own JavaScript app to use with Google sheets.

I've used spreadsheets, OneNote, Wunderlist, plain text files.

What do you use to keep your tasks moving forward and how do you use these tools to manage your tasks and get work done? I found spreadsheets are nice because you can do a lot of scratch work but it's hard to "check them off' but many "check them off" tools don't give you a lot of scratch workspace. OneNote is cool but I can't stand the Microsoft environment and it doesn't seem to give a lot of indication how best to use the tool. Maybe I should do a training....

I don't have the land to do it yet, but my dream is to build a year-round greenhouse in a back yard, so that I can have green all throughout the monochromatic bleakness of a New York winter. This is pretty much a daydream at this point, but I'd like to get some feedback from folks in the know.

The feature wish-list is as follows:

• a dug-out trench, shaped like a V with a flat bottom. Thinking something like 12' (or go metric and make it 4m) wide in the middle, with sides at a 60° angle going to ground level (total depth of around 10' or 2.5m)
• a double-paned glass or plexiglass roof, for insulation and lighting
• heating elements in the outer layer of roof, for snow and ice removal
• a space heater, to regulate temperature during the cold months
• an aquaponics tank (probably using goldfish, but possibly tilapia)
• aquaponics grow beds lining the angled sides
• compost-activated biochar beds on the flat part

The idea would be to run the aquaponic outflow to the top of the sloping sides, supporting herbs, leafy greens, and flowers. The runoff collects at the bottom of the slope, where it is returned to the fish tank. The flat surface would be used for root vegetables and bulbs like onions and garlic.

I realize that this is a tad ambitious (and that I may just be throwing the biochar bit because I think its cool), but part of why I'm posting this is to get the benefit of collective experience. Any thoughts?

I went to the local farmers' market on Saturday and was impressed by both the mushroom guy and the stand selling venison. I've only been able to find venison a few times (don't have any hunter friends), and the times I've made it before, it's gone into chili. So, I bought a pound of stew meat, a half pint of Cinnamon Cap Chestnut mushrooms, and some produce to finish out a stew. I braised it all up last night in some beef broth and red wine. That may have been a mistake, as the venison basically came out tasting like stew beef. Process went a little like this:

• chop up the venison into bite-sized chunks
• brown the venison in a bit of butter
• add more butter and some flour to make roux
• add a splash of red wine and about a carton of beef broth
• add mushrooms, potatoes, garlic
• realize I'm out of onions, so add onion powder
• reduce until gravy-like

All in all, it was tasty (the mushrooms were great!), but the venison was basically very tender, $9 / lb stew beef. Did I treat it wrong by using beef broth, or is that just the way it tastes?

I've read the docs and I personally have not seen this topic come up yet.

I've been weary/afraid to post any more of my own content since my very first post here on ~Tildes. Are there currently any unofficial rules for self-promotion? We all know Reddit once had that stupid 10:1 (or was it 5:1?) ratio rule before they chucked it. I don't want to feel like a selfish person or a spammy person if I submit content that I created and/or links to accounts that promote myself as a brand.

So I'm moving soon and I was just curious about how those of you who move around a bit go about finding new people to hang out with. I usually just try to find the nearest gay bar and go from there. But I'm curious what all you people do.

I have been writing for quite some time, but always look for new ideas, new perspectives, new genres, new ways of promoting or improving or sharing my work. I'm not a professional and still have lots to learn. I am open to all kinds of writing and levels of expertise, and want to open a space where there is genuine and helpful sharing, rather than snarky and dismissive barbs.

I don't think this should be a place where someone writes a quick and sloppy sub-first draft and then eagerly begs for only positive comments. Writing is hard work. It is a craft and takes serious study and time. It can also be lonely and discouraging.

I envision a virtual coffee shop where we have all gathered with our latest work, wondering what our next step is, how a good editor can be found, how to write a query letter, is self-publishing a good choice, how did you get an agent...those sorts of discussions.

How is a new group formed?

So I'm a teen and am starting a new school next year. I get a 12 week break so would really like to try and get in shape, mainly to boost self confidence. What types of exercise / diet would people recommend?

I don't think I'd ever get skinny but I'd I could swap out some fat for muscle that would be fantastic!

As the title says I got into my first relationship this past week (Im 22; male) and boy do I feel happy. Now I gotta be the best me I can be, any relationship tips for a dude? (I'll take advice from all genders).

Thank you!

1 week later edit: Thank you to everyone who offered advice based on their experience. I got a taste of different stories however the tl;dr seems to be:

• be honest, even if the truth is ugly
• constant open communication
• stay true to yourself
• dont rush things; let things happen naturally
• if things don't turn out well; then thats just life

Hey folks! I'm travelling with my wife to Paris for about 2 weeks. If you have any Paris stories, I'd love to hear them! Have any travel advice? I'm all ears. Local knowledge or location tips like awesome places to eat or places to see off the beaten path would be amazing.

Hey folks, so I've worked nights for the last two years and it sucked. flat out sucked. I would average 4-5 hours of sleep before and after a shift and now I've moved to afternoons (3pm-10pm) I find my body still thinks 5ish hours is great.
Often I wake in the middle of the night and then that's it. I'm up. it truly sucks. anyone got advice on how I can change this? I've been on afternoons for a little over a month now, so could it be more I'm still adjusting? appreciate any help and advice.

edit ** thank you all for the advice. I will have to work out a routine and make sure to sick to it, then just not get too down when only making small steps.

Didn't know if i should post this in talk or tech, but my focus is on advice, so i guess this is the place.

I am currently in the process of changing my career to be a web developer. Studied IT a few years ago, dropped out due to finances, and spent the last few years working crappy jobs.

I designated all my spare time towards learning the basics. I'm confident enough in my knowledge of HTML and CSS, know how to use Bootstrap and i'm currently learning the basics of JS. The Udemy course i'm taking will cover NodeJS, jQuery and some more backend next. After that i plan on learning Wordpress and a framework i guess (React/Vue/Angular). Have i missed something here?

My final goal is doing freelance web development. My question is, how plausible is this and what else do you suggest learning to have an easier time finding clients?

Also, how soon do you figure i could start doing some basic work with simple websites (even if it means using Bootstrap / altering Wordpress themes)? My country is rather cheap, so even 500$/month on simple projects will be enough of a reason for me to quit my 9-5.

Guess i'll need a portfolio too though.

Anyways, thanks for reading. Any web devs out there care to offer advice? I'm dedicated to achieving this goal, but i'm somewhat lost still.

I've got a server running out of my house that I use to create virtual machines for many different facets of what I enjoy (IE: A Plex Server, Discord Bot, PiHole, etc...). The server runs Ubuntu and is utilizing QEMU I believe for the the virtualization.

I've got issues getting the adapter (currently using one of those Xbox adapters to plug into an antenna and back into the computer) to relay into the virtual machine. On top of that, I'd LOVE to ditch hulu and these others (sling, PS Vue, etc..) and utilize local live television with a larger antenna on my roof, but I'll worry about that once I've got these technical aspects worked out.

I guess I'm looking for some advice as well as anyone with a similar setup and how you are running yours?

Hi guys!

I've always being curious about tabletop games, RPG, DnD and so on. The fantasy, creativity and engagement always interested me, but I've never met anyone who played it and never being involved with it (I'm in São Paulo, Brazil, btw).

So, to be direct, does anyone has any tips on how to start? I know there are "internet based" tabletop sites/communities, but I don't know how it works.

I'd appreciate any direction! Thanks!