Aiming this question at parents mostly.

I'm about to be a dad in the next week or so and I obviously want to raise my son to be a good person. My father was/is an absent drug addict, so I have a good roadmap of "don't." But I saw very little in the way of "do."

Where is the line between being too authoritarian vs too permissive? What are your thoughts on gentle parenting? I don't want to trade "well-behaved" for "well-adjusted" or vice versa.

I'm also open to newborn advice since that's what I'll primarily be dealing with for the next little while, obviously.

I've never really been much of an artist myself, but one of my kids (11m) really likes drawing, painting and making small animations on his ipad. I'd like to give him some gentle encouragement, if that's likely to help him enjoy creating artwork more, but I'm not sure what would be a good approach. Does anyone have some suggestions? He told me that he likes drawing objects and landscapes, but I think that's only because he's not confident in drawing live subjects.

Some ideas I had, but I'm not certain of:

• Sketchpad?
• Guide or drawing techniques book?
• Finding and recommending a good youtube channel?

If there's something that helped you at this time of life please let me know, thank you!

I'm looking for input from the Tildes community about experiences with Android parental controls apps. My daughter is 8, but she rides the bus, so we want to make sure she has ways to contact us if something happens.

Other than that use case, I intend to limit her to offline content (audiobooks and music loaded directly on the phone) and some games.

The platform for this is an older phone (Android 9). I'm not averse to buying a newer phone if that makes the solutions workable, but I wanted to start with the "free" option.

I've installed Google Family Link on the phone. It does a nice job of restricting access to apps, setting time limits on individual apps, and filtering some content. The major limitation seems to be there's no way to restrict what numbers the phone can text or call with.

Bark seems to be the most visible alternative, and adds a lot of features for content monitoring social media, which is not really our use case. The main thing I'm looking for is an app that would let me administer the calling and texting features of the phone. I'm not opposed to paying for a service if that's what's needed.

Anybody have insights into tools? There's a ton of noise in the search results. Other solutions to the problem?

I'm GenX. I've participated in numerous conversations about how we used to spend large amounts of time outside either alone or with groups of friends, using bikes, skates, skateboards and other ways to goof off and have a good time, but that doesn't happen as much in the US today.

@hobofarmer talked about the trouble his kids have finding friends to spend time with.

The Japanese tv series Old Enough highlights a real cultural difference. https://www.netflix.com/title/81506279

This news article is about parents using air tags to keep track of their kids. If the kids are airtagged, do they then get more freedom to roam? https://www.washingtonpost.com/technology/2023/07/26/tracking-kids-airtags/
archive https://archive.li/Zg353

Does anyone know of any good resources for helping kids understand when their dad is not their bio dad? My brother is not his eldests bio dad. Some bullying/ nastiness means my Bro and his Mrs are sitting the kid down today (on an expedited schedule) to tell him and explain hes not a mistake etc. Are there any good educational bits anyone might know of?

OK, so I have a very nerdy, mildly ADHD 9 year old boy who has been fascinated with WW2 for ages. All this started with him getting obsessed with the Titanic when he was about 4, which then led us to look at some old Nat Geo magazines about Robert Ballard's oceanographic expeditions which then led him to get fascinated with the German battleship Bismarck and Operation Rheinubung. The drama of big gun battleships got him in the feels and in the five years since then he has been deeply into naval stuff, particularly WW2 naval combat ever since. Musically this got him into Sabaton and their WW1/2 related metal songs. He actually sat down and watched the 1960s black and white Sink the Bismarck on YouTube, along with stuff like Midway (the version from a few years back). He thinks aircraft carriers are cool and ate up both Top Gun movies and is now getting into submarines (loved The Hunt for Red October) but wistfully repeatedly tries to reason me into agreeing that navies should have stuck with big gun battleships.

However, this has manifested as a deep fascination with Germany in general- he knows the basics about fascism, the Holocaust and Wehrmacht atrocities (but still can't quite get why it happened) but to a small boy I understand the OMG WUNDERWAFFEN attraction. Coincidentally his best friend is an ethnically German girl which further gets him a bit confused because he can't quite grok the difference between "my friend is German, I think German engineering is cool" and "but we still condemn fascism".
To be clear- he understands why racism and prejudice are wrong. As an ethnic minority in our country I suspect he'll come into contact with racial prejudice sooner rather than later so hopefully life experience will lead him away from the alt-right bits of history nerdery.

We're in Singapore, which means there's very little consciousness of the Holocaust in public education- our history syllabus (fairly enough) deals with the Pacific War and its effects on postwar decolonisation when it touches on WW2 whereas the European theatre is just vague background.

I don't know where I'm going with this, really- I like that my son is a history buff, and I don't want to cut him off from intellectual interests he's passionate about but on the other hand I'm wondering how I can let him enjoy this while contextualising it from a progressive perspective.

Through the years I have struggled with perfectionism, low self worth, and an overwhelming need to make everyone else happy at my own expense. Recently I've begun wondering if this is related more to my own personal upbringing (my mom and sister share a lot of these traits) or if it's a wider experience of being a woman in modern society.

Growing up in a world where women had successfully entered the job market, there was still an unspoken urging that I had to be better than my male peers to earn my place in the world. There still felt like there were expectations that women would follow all the rules, keep the peace, and maintain the home/workspace. Is this an off base interpretation of societal pressures, or do any of you find yourselves still struggling with some of these messages?

ETA: Also, what are some positive ways being raised as a woman has impacted you?

I would be interested in tips, thoughts, and experiences folks have had with raising sons. I work in healthcare (in finance) and am acutely aware that most of my colleagues are women, as were most of my teachers, and class mates in college. With this in mind, it seems that the feminine side of raising sons is well represented. I've been reading and soul searching about good practices for the father of a son but would welcome all perspectives. Another interesting aspect is that I've found many parenting books to be focused on mothers rather than fathers. The few I've found that are focused tend to be religious/ Christian. Nothing wrong with that but would like to hear the collected wisdom here. To be clear I am hoping to get specific thoughts and actions rather than a broad topic with concepts and ideals.

Something that has been bothering me for a long time is that the majority of voters in the US are parents. It seems paid parental leave is something that most people can empathize with needing, and that would benefit most people’s lives. So I have such a hard time understanding why it isn’t proposed more often or prioritized as a voting issue. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was shocked to hear that my own mother had to decide between going back to her job 3 weeks post partum or losing her job. I can’t believe that things have not really improved (in terms of protections for all parents, not just by industry/state/company)

I read an interesting NPR article about how the AARP solidified the aging population into a powerful voting block that has skewed lawmakers to addressing their needs. Because this organization has clear priorities and influences many voters, lawmakers have incentive to pass laws the AARP supports. This article suggested that if parents could join together and create a similar political group, it would be the biggest and most powerful voting block.

So I’m interested in what your opinions are. Do you see parental leave as important? If so, why don’t we have a national leave policy? How do we get there?

Hello,

I’m soon to become a father to my firstborn child and have the opportunity to take some paternity leave through work. While the length of time I can take is very generous (as far as I know), I’m truly unsure how much is usually the norm for fathers.

I work in a stable office job, while my wife is self employed and will be taking 3 months off. I am leaning towards taking the week after birth off and intermittently working from home afterwards as needed, as even with leave I would most likely not receive my full 100% pay, which we will definitely need. In addition to the financial impact, my daily work usually consists of stuff that my coworkers would be unable or struggle with staying on top of, and I do not want to put any extra burden on them, or have tasks not completed merely to back up until my return.

Any advice or comments would be much appreciated as I am struggling to figure this out!

My parents are great. That being said, every time my 2.5 year-old comes home it is bananas. They are so over stimulated, who knows what they have eaten. Usually screaming and in just in a state of complete deregulation. I can’t tell if I just need to deal with it as part of grandparent time. We don’t correct my parents, we do offer suggestions and give them food and snacks etc but inevitably what is eaten is some sugary cereal and junk.

Do any of you deal with this? Do I need to chill out? I am writing this as my child falls asleep after screaming for 2 hrs. So I am a still a little frustrated.

Extending a warm Happy Father's Day to all fathers, grandfathers, adoptive fathers, step fathers, god fathers, spiritual fathers, father in law's, soon to be fathers, those who would have been fathers, our departed fathers, and others that I have missed.

May your day be beautiful and wonderful.

Celebrate!

Edit: Okay it's Monday now : ) How'd it go? For fathers with very young children did you guys get home made cards from the mom plus stickers contributed by your child(ren)? Where are you going to store these cards, or do they go straight in the recycling, you monster?

I have a new niece and I'm making a list of songs which we can play for her naptime when we babysit. I have some Raffi songs and my childhood lullabies (Edelweiss from my mom and Moonshadow from my dad), as well as some calm songs from my Spotify playlist.

But it made me wonder, what songs did your parents sing when you were young? Children's songs? Disney? Pop? Metallica?

I'm also interested in whether you think it's best to keep a small list and rotate through, for comfort's sake, or if it's also okay to have a wider variety of songs as lullabies.

My son just graduated high school last week. I was immensity proud and the week leading up to it was super busy getting the house ready for visitors, celebration, etc.

This week had been the opposite, while my kid is visiting his college for orientation I can't help but have this "lost" feeling. Not depression or empty nesting but more of "Now I got to figure out what I want to do when I grow up" mindset.

Did you make any life changes? New hobbies? Did you experience something similar?

So, I have my first child on the way. To say I'm unprepared or overwhelmed isn't exactly accurate, but wouldn't really be wrong either. My wife and I are reasonably intelligent, compassionate, patient people so I have a lot of confidence in our ability to figure this out as we go, but there are some things we have to prepare for before the baby comes.

The big current task is the "baby registry" so I thought I would start a discussion on the things we should actually be asking for, what's worth buying new, and what's worth finding second-hand or making ourselves.

A few things have been gifted to us already but I wanted to start an open discussion of the items that are important, helpful, or even just fun for newborn babies and raising infants and toddlers in a safe, enriching, and comfortable environment.

I thought it might be helpful to request top-level comments for discussion on various aspects of "baby life" and the things a new parent should make sure they have, government or private services and programs to be aware of, or anything else I might be forgetting. I'd like to have this topic focused on first year of life concerns.

I'd like to avoid any discussion of "how to raise your kids" because I think it's such a highly personal thing and also based heavily on what your individual child is like - so I'm really thinking in terms of goods, services, and easing the burden on us, the parents. You don't have to have kids to reply! I think outside perspectives are also very valuable because there are so many preconceived notions about this stuff. I'll post a few top level comments of the things I am personally thinking about, but please feel free to fill in anything you notice is missing, or doesn't fit well in a posted category. I'm happy to change categories as requested as well to be more inclusive or specific.

My wife and I have two kids, 3 and 1. We’ve talked about the possibility of adding another kid into the mix, but have gone back and forth.

What was your main experience going from 2-3? Pros, cons, everything in between!

Last night my daughter's toddler bed fell apart and I had to fix it. Some screws had come loose so it was an easy fix. Brought my toolbox into their (her and her twin brother's) room around bed time, fixed the bed, then began the usual bedtime routine. My wife and I left the room and that was that.

Except I left my toolbox in there because I'm forgetful. And you'd think the pokey screwdrivers, gardening shears, and other dangerous tools in there would've been a problem, but nope. My kids weren't interested in that stuff. They pulled out my chalk line and unspooled it. Fortunately it had been heavily used in a project recently, so there wasn't much chalk in it. But they really seemed to like the small, mostly-empty tube of thermal paste I keep in there for computer projects.

If anyone has used thermal paste, you know how incredibly messy it is. It's this thick, dark paste that gets everywhere if you're not careful. And it's the kind of thing where even just a little bit of it can make a big mess. It was all over the walls and all over them. Fortunately they were kind enough to put the cap back on the tube when they were done (bless them).

We tried to use wipes, but to no avail. So the first thing we did this morning was give them a bath and used a wash cloth to clean it all off. I also did some quick googling to see if thermal paste was toxic (it isn't), but 90% of the answers online were jokes about it improving your body temperature and allowing you to overclock yourself. Fucking hilarious stuff, but maybe not so much when you're making sure your kids are alright. They should be fine though.

Anyway, how're ya'lls days going so far?

The title says it all, really.

Today there was a story about the Flordia Department of Education rejecting a record number of books for containing Critical Race Theory. But when I read the article it said that it was rejecting these books for other things - for Common Core and for a thing called Social-Emotional Learning, or SEL.

SEL is not a term I'm familiar with, so I looked it up. There's an organization that advocates for it called CASEL who has a more in-depth writeup, but to put things as simply as possible, it's the idea that lesson plans should include material to improve a person's social and emotional growth and is largely concerned with students' mental health. I couldn't understand why anyone would have a problem with this kind of thing; kids today are put through a lot of stressful situations and it looks like mental health for children has been an issue that has exploded over the past few years. So I found and read an article about why it's controversial and I'm practically in tears over here.

Right now we are living in a world where children are tortured so much that they attempt to kill themselves and there are grown adults - legitimate parents of their own children - who are fighting against the people who are trying to help them. And all of the answers to why they are doing this are just absolutely insane to me. Some of them don't want their children to realize they were racist. Some of them don't want to ever discover the concept of sexuality or gender identity for fear that their child might not be straight cis baby factories. But overall, it seems like they oppose it because it threatens their control over their children, as if they were puppets to command.

I already knew how fucked up they were when they were trying to pass that Don't Say Gay bill, but this is just absolutely next level insanity. I'm sure they don't realize that the concept of SEL exists largely because there are so many children in the world who have had to deal with parents who think and act like these people do.

Utah Parents Unite, an activist group that says it’s fighting indoctrination and mask mandates in schools, urged its members to lobby against a bill to expand suicide prevention programs to elementary schools, where, the group said, “suicides are not happening.” (National data obtained by NBC News show that the number of children ages 6-12 who visited children’s hospitals for suicidal thoughts or self-harm has more than doubled since 2016.)

ARGH!