The topic has been on my mind lately and I'm thinking through my feelings. I'd appreciate hearing others' experiences and opinions to help with my approach.

For context, I have several close family members, including a parent, approaching retirement age. As they've been getting their affairs in order, I've been finding myself the recipient of either gifts or posthumous requests, which are sentimental to them but not me.

Its nothing outrageous. Examples of gifts are things like little decorations/mementos/childhood crafts, long held by them but which I've never seen before. In terms of requests, think along the lines of: I'd really love for you to learn X instrument because you're musical, or I'd love for you to take care of X income-generating hobby I started but you like (Im being a little vague).

I want to respect their feelings (even when I'm not overly sentimental) and help them feel comfortable as they get older, but I want also don't want to outright lie (eg, requests I can't promise to keep) or accrue things that, to me, are clutter.

How have you approached this, or similar scenarios with aging or dying loved ones? Did your opinions or feelings change as they continued to age or passed?

Update:
I found the issue!

Stupidly, I had listened to the advice of YouTubers and Amazon reviews. In my sand filter, I had used the woolen balls. Even though I had been performing the cycle and flush, dumping the water, the woolen balls were not clean, they were green and completely swamped in algae.

I took them out, rinsed, sat them in some diluted bleach and rinsed again. I cleaned the filter thoroughly. Upon putting it all back together, throwing in some shock and giving it a few hours, along with a 1/5 pool water dump and replace, it's looking clear again.

Thank you for all of the advice. I'll move to sand in the near future so the rinse and dump cycles actually work.

Original message:
I wasn't sure which group to shove this in, I went for home improvement as this needs serious improvement.

To be honest, with how green it is, maybe enviro would have been even better.

I have an above ground 5800l pool, which I put up during the summer for the kids. This year I decided to go with Bromine in a float. I'm using the standard slow disjsolve capsules from Everclear. I chose Bromine as one of the kids has quite sensitive skin. I started out with the winder float, 6 tabs slowly dissolving. I gave it a couple of days and realised I didn't have strips to test, so I ordered some.

In this time, with lots of abuse, a very warm season for England and probably half a metric ton of sun cream, the water was looking a bit cloudy. No biggy, the great Flow Clear 800Gal/h sand filter would be helping... It didn't seem to be. The water went from cloudy to slightly green at the bottom. The algae was arriving.

I dipped a stick: bromine didn't even register. Hmmm. I ordered a second float and some algaecide to attack the issue. Two days later, we have 12 tabs in two floats, enough algaecide to clear the Amazon river (I jest), and I leave it to clear. The following day, it's less cloudy, still green tinted and bromine still does not register on the sticks.

Over today's use, it's gotten worse. I've ordered chlorine tabs instead because the bromine is not working. It should have worked. Does anyone know where I went wrong?

Tomorrow, I'll dump half the water (over 2000l down the drain), change the tablets over to chlorine, throw in some more algaecide and let the pump keep on pumping. Hopefully, as it refills, I should get some nice clear water that doesn't have a pH of near 9.

I absolutely LOVE hearing other's stories from their games. Crazy things happen in game land, and these kinds of tales inspire others to play and experiment as well.

This thread is posted weekly - please try to post all relevant Israel-Hamas war content in here, such as news, updates, opinion articles, etc. Extremely significant events may warrant a separate topic, but almost all should be posted in here.

Please try to avoid antagonistic arguments and bickering matches. Comment threads that devolve into unproductive arguments may be removed so that the overall topic is able to continue.

Preface #1: I know the first response with something like this will be "go see a therapist" - I have been in therapy for over a decade now. There are a lot of things it has helped with (specifically trauma-focused), but nihilism is not something I've been able to get help with. The help has ranged from things like "focus on the micro over the macro" (which I think is probably the best advice, but also can be boiled down to "don't think" and I can't not think), to "find religion" (for me at least: religion doesn't breed hope, hope breeds religion), to "I don't know how to help, I can't relate to that" (...not all therapist are good).

Preface #2: I know the quick response to "life is meaningless" is "so make your own!" but I absolutely despise that logic. If everything is meaningless, than that means making your own meaning is meaningless. It's self-defeating in and of itself. That said, I don't really care about "meaning" anyway. I personally view things as "irrelevant", as if you dig deep enough you get to a point where everything is relevant to nothing. And the conclusion to draw from that is: "it's irrelevant that everything is irrelevant" - similar meaning, but checks out logically significantly better to me. But this has it's own problems that I will go in below.

Preface #3: I know the quick response to the inability to enjoy things is "you don't enjoy things because you are depressed." What I'm positing is the inverse, "I no longer enjoy things, and it's causing me to be depressed." I'm very much not saying the former doesn't happen and I've gone through time periods like that. What I am saying is that the latter is also true, and I'm sure that other people who have dealt with depression for decades understands both "My depression is causing this to happen" and "This is causing my depression to flare" happen.

To give quick context for myself: I had become a nihilistic atheist by the time I graduated elementary school; I had a rather traumatic childhood and my official diagnosis is (C-)PTSD and all the offshoots that come from it like depression and anxiety (Bringing up as I recognize myself these are thoughts that, according to the DSM/ICD, would be from someone with mental disorders). This led to things like dropping out of high school and becoming a mute hikikomori. To make a long story short, in my late teens I got to a point of either suicide or completely revamping my life with the belief that enjoyment could be found via actually being social (friends and dating) and proper self-sufficiency/money. I chose the latter for one simple reason: there was nothing to lose, so just trust the process. It took over a decade of constant self improvement, but I became a sociable person part of different clubs and hosting my own parties/gatherings with a very active dating life. I also got my degree in comp sci and have done quite well for myself with that. And a lot on top of that just in terms of trying to make the most out of life.

Unfortunately, none of that actually helped. Having to mask to be able to be social/date is exhausting and frankly people suck, and wasting life working 9-5 one of the most depressing things to me. The reason I bring this up is because I did really fucking try, I tried the stuff that everyone says brings happiness - but it don't. And it's all just so irrelevant.

Over the last half decade or so, I just can't bring myself to care about anything. And I mean anything, even super simple things. I'll talk to people or listening to a song and think "why do I care what you have to say?". I'll watch a movie or read a book and can't keep focus because seriously who cares about these imaginary things some person thought up? People I know die and I'll just think "yeah that happens." And the absolute worst for me was when it came for knowledge. Because knowledge was the thing I always cared above all else. But what does "knowing things" matter if "things" don't matter to me?

Which brings me back to preface #2. Everything is irrelevant, but it's irrelevant that it's irrelevant. Except that society demands relevancy to justify ones own existence within it. It's not possible to live an irrelevant life and be part of society. I personally really only see two options: reject society or embrace absurdism.

Speaking strictly personally, I do not see rejecting society as a means of living an enjoyable life. Mostly because I know it will lead to me living out of my car again, spending my time embracing hedonism via drugs and alcohol to fuel escapism until the end comes. And if in the end I'm just going to fuel escapism, why not just escape to begin with?

Absurdism is mostly what I fed into while "turning my life around". But I do have issues with it. One is how much it feels like the "this is fine" fire meme; it recognizes the problem but then rejects that it's a problem. This is fine if "life" itself is not a problem and you are able to enjoy your time regardless (after all, the problem itself is irrelevant so yeah just reject it as a problem), but then that gets to my second and main issue: if you don't enjoy life, what defense against suicide does absurdism have? Yes there is the whole thing of "suicide just adds to the absurdity by claiming meaning is needed" but that's only if you are committing suicide because life has no meaning. I don't care that life is irrelevant, I care that life fucking sucks. Suicide then is not rejecting the lack of meaning, it's rejecting time spent unenjoyably.

I've been able to get through things being both meaningless and unenjoyable with the belief that things would become enjoyable. Now I'm nearly 40 years old, things have played out, and I do not buy into it anymore. Either life needs to be enjoyable, or there needs to be some relevancy to it. Which, I reject the later as even being knowable as a human. Which leaves the former.

Which then comes to the silly question, how do you just enjoy things?

I am able to recognize one of my issues with enjoying things: In order to raise my emotional floor, I have embraced being stoic. Things happen that are out of our control. Things are lost, hardships are had, people die. They are simply facts of life. The problem is that it also prevents enjoying things - enjoyable things are also out of your control, so do not embrace them for they will be gone. Which, moments in time then neither "good" or "bad", they simple are just moments in time. Every moment is simply some indefinite, irrelevant moment in time.

Which, kind of tied to that as well, but another issue I recognize: as I have understood my own trauma and how it's affected me, I've really understood just how much is deterministic in life. Which is especially sad in the case of trauma responses, and how much society basically double downs on the trauma (just easy eg of how "hysterical women" have been treated throughout history, but look at the overlap of BPD and traumatic childhoods).

But now these are not just moments in time, but determined yet irrelevant moments in time.

But that still doesn't preclude enjoying things. And I guess that's mostly what I'm for the search for in life, to figure out what things I actually enjoy/how to actually enjoy things I want to enjoy. Because enjoying life is certainly enough, but that requires life to be enjoyable.

And it's actually part of why I'm even posting this. With all the different ways I've changed my life and such, I've tried to look back at what was actually enjoyable. And long-form text communication is definitely the way I prefer to communicate (oh do I miss when 'social media' was forums). I also recognize the importance of being part of more smaller, tighter-knit communities compared to being a blob in a mass. So it's part looking for help, and part just trying to get back into posting on smaller communities.

But I also feel like I'm all over the place and I do apologize for that. I think to try to summarize to bring the points clearer...like I said before, life either needs to be enjoyable or there needs to be some kind of relevancy to it. So either how do you find relevancy/where am I wrong on that, or how do you find enjoyment (and I don't mean "try new hobbies until you find what you enjoy!" kind of stuff - I've already ran that gauntlet. I'm not asking where to find enjoyment, I'm asking how to feel enjoyment; how are you able to care about things might be a better war to phrase it)?

Ive been working in engineering for a few years now. Ive gotten pretty good at my job, and Ive learned a lot. But it was never really my intention to work at a big corporation my whole life.

When I was a kid, on TV there were all these scientists and researchers who just had money to do research somehow. They didnt go to an office or go to meetings, they just had funding somehow to go do science stuff. There was often a big lab built right into their home so they could just wake up and tinker around with stuff. That was the dream for me growing up.

I could always just keep working where I am now, but I cant really do the kind of research I want within the normal structured environment that big companies want me to work in. I want to work on a difficult problem that I would expect to take years of experimentation before I would even hope of making any big breakthroughs.

Im wondering if anyone here has ever done any kind of work as an independent researcher. Like, living off grant money or something like that. Ive been looking at SBIR/STTR grants as a possible first step, but that would only get me 3 years, and after that Id need to find a continued income source.

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Hello,

I am thinking of perhaps purchasing the vehicle mentioned in my title, is there recommended maintenance suggestions that should be done other than what can be found in Lexus's car care recommendations or something that would be found in the drivers manual? Anything unusual to watch out for? Any particular brand of motor oil that would be best? etc.

Thanks

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?