What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

Now well into my thirties, it's kind of the time in my life where I reflect on myself and realize how weirdly developped I am. Being in a real serious relationship has highlighted personal issues with me I thought were normal and it has led to me thinking back on my childhood and I realized that there were a lot of things I didn't address.

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist and in the meantime, I was kinda doing my own research and found this book, which I felt was oddly appropriate to describe my parents. I thought ah, it could explain some of my behavior.

Now, having almost finished the book, it's crazy how eye-opening it has been. You don't realize how much of your own development is tied to emotions, feeling safe expressing them, feeling you are listened to, feeling support from your parents. I always thought life was more a matter of forming deep relationships based on trust rather than emotional sensitivity.

It made me realize that I had these "healing fantasies" over some friends I lost and my parents. That I was playing "someone else" to somehow win them over. When I thought back on it, my behavior around them really is different than how I am with others, in a way that is kinda draining and... not really me.

Anyways, I'm wondering, for those who read it, how has it changed your life?

I genuinely think my whole life path will be completely different because of this book.

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

By orphans I’m including everyone who can’t spend Christmas with their family, whatever the reason. Maybe they live on another continent, maybe they’re insufferable, maybe you don’t know them, maybe all of the above and you don’t have kids, whatever. The end result is: you don’t have a family to spend Christmas with.

I’m in this situation. And I don’t know anyone well enough (newish city and country) to crash someone else’s family Christmas.

Wondering how people in that situation deal with it so that maybe I can find something that’d work for me to tide me over this challenging part of the year.

Additional context: SO is really into it, feels bad when we treat it as just another day, so I feel the pressure to figure something out.

I’m reading every answer you share but not necessarily answer unless I have a follow up question or something meaningful to add.

This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Update us on your progress so far!

• What did/didn't you get done this week?

• Anything go according to plan?

• Anything go off the rails?

• Any successes or struggles to share?

• Do you need feedback or help on anything?

This is your topic to share anything and everything you want about what you’ve made so far.

I'm feeling deeply emotional today. There's a lot that's happened over the last few months - including a fair bit that I won't bring up here, outside of the relationship woes. Sorry if this rambles a lot, but I'll try and keep it organized.

For those that need background:
Struggling with my relationship
So it turns out I've been cheated on.

It's been nearly 4 months. I adjusted well to being single again. Went out and restarted hobbies I used to enjoy, took myself out on dates, and generally tried to feel like myself again. Two months after my last post, I had an opportunity to begin seeing someone new. I'm being cautious and careful and the new person is very calm, communicative, and understanding. I recognize it may be early to be seeing someone and this line of thought will be relevant later.

Things were... Copacetic? With my ex. I wasn't terribly happy but was able to move my thoughts along. I got mad at them, said angry things that didn't help, reconciled somewhat and tried to move on. We negotiated financial details a bit, and settled into summer plans. Their new partner was still around a lot, and still refused to ever even talk to me. How dare they, thought I, act like I wasn't even around? At least have the courage to say something, thought I. It irked me. I tried to find out more about this person, search for them online for anything, because they were now around my child more and more and I knew nothing. My searches were in vain, I found not a trace. They were a ghost.

I still kept contact with my ex's best friend - though that's a loose term now. They were equally exasperated and upset about the situation. Their relationship was breaking down because the new partner was - shall we say - incompatible with the best friend. Late in June, I thought to ask a question. One which I had an assumed answer for, but didn't actually know.

"Are they still married?"

The best friend answered. "Yes. It's something they don't like to talk about."

oof.

Here is where some of you will take issue with me, maybe.

That piece of the puzzle was the last thing I needed to find the new partner. I can be very determined when I set my mind to something. I discovered who they were. Their address. Their family. Their partner on Facebook. And I informed them about what was going on. I won't deny it felt good to burst their bubble of secrecy, but I also wanted this partner (let's call them J) to not be blindsided as I was. I wanted to give them the power to make their own choices and decisions with knowledge, not secrecy.

They were completely unaware of what was going on. Long story short, they had been in couples therapy for years. Were high school sweethearts. Together 25+ years. J was livid, of course. They had a family together, with several children (mostly older) involved. My ex found out what happened and blew up at me, claiming that I made a terrible choice and that what I did was wrong, and how could I go "talk to the other side"? They threatened to do what my parents had done. To fight, squabble and argue endlessly. To restrict access to the former stepkids. To limit everything I could do.

Everyone else seeing that situation insists I did the right thing - including J, who was grateful towards me. The house of cards my ex and their new partner had built was now collapsing. Things developed quickly from there. My ex turned everything into my fault. I was the villain in this story of theirs. In speaking with J recently, since after our initial conversation I gave them weeks of space to sort things out, I've learned some things about how my ex has been framing things.

The story New Partner was told was that I'm an alcoholic who abused my ex. My ex claimed that when they were drunk one night I raped them, which led to the pregnancy of our child. My ex said that I tried to force an abortion. That I didn't want our child. There's more details - such as describing the constant debt cycles as being caused by my student loans (nevermind that I haven't had student loans since before we got together) in order to explain those details away and make it all my fault. The more I learned, the more I realized what my partner was describing. It was word for word something that had happened with a prior ex of theirs. A story they'd told many others in their life. The dots are so simple to connect that they might as well be numbered.

Now I am at a juncture. I have had many other things come up this summer which leave me feeling overwhelmed. Professionally and personally. I am seeking legal counsel because claims of rape can and will impact my career and personal life. I am looking for a therapist but the process is excruciating.

In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to put on a brave face and be there for my child, even when they show up with a shirt saying "X parent is cooler than Y parent".

But today I cried. I cried a lot. I hid it from my child because I didn't want to answer about why I was crying. I sobbed into my pillow until they came asking for pancakes and coca cola and forgive me but I provided.

I walked out of the grocery store. It was pretty windy, and right outside the doors there was a bird flying. Except, because of the wind speed going against the bird, it wasn’t really moving at all. Instead it was just kind of floating in one spot. Imagine a bird flying on a wind treadmill, and you’ve got the right idea.

It was a tiny little thing, but I thought it was awesome. It kind of blows my mind that something like that is even possible, and seeing it up close was a delight. It brightened my day significantly.

Share a small but bright moment from your day.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like flock, internet and creative_suite. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was bemused.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

Add awesome game deals to this topic as they come up over the course of the week!

Alternately, ask about a given game deal if you want the community’s opinions: e.g. “What games from this bundle are most worth my attention?”

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If posting a sale, it is strongly encouraged that you share why you think the available game/games are worthwhile.

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What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

G'day,

Like most people I suspect, when I'm working I love having music on in the background.

One of my go-tos is Tool (and A Perfect Circle) because it offers the perfect mix of "wall of sound", great clear vocals, sharp interesting drumming, and guitar work that slaps and moves around instead of playing the same sound over and over again (also I am not a musician so I have no idea what the proper technical terms are for these things).

I stick YouTube Music on a Tool Mix and it's a pretty bad selection with a heap of stuff I really don't enjoy (I dislike growly or screamy voices, sad muddy instruments, or where the "wall of sound" is basically just feedback that drones on and on, etc).

I've tried going with "prog metal" and "prog rock" and "alt metal" as genres but that seems to cover a LOT of variation. No matter how many thumbs down I give there's always the screamy dudes and high pitched guitar whining popping back up.

Are there any bands that are Tool-like I can seed my selection with? The big focus being if there's vocals you can actually hear and understand them, distinct instruments that are actually playing a tune, and drumming that does something more than just maintain a beat in the background.

Some other bands I enjoy that I feel are similar enough are My Sleeping Karma, Kadavar, Witchcraft, Smote, and Riverside.

The prices have increased, and even before people called it too expensive.

I am just wondering - do you have one? What do you use it for? I've been thinking of getting one (as a business expense, I guess the price is high, but then again - what other option do you have for compute? renting GPUs is quite expensive, any comparable amount of VRAM is very expensive - ok if you have space and mostly want to do inference, I guess you have better options (3090 or 5090)

For me, I have just been considering having some more compute available for robotics, finetuning, trying out selfhosted and fine tuned LLMs, among other things. My other setup (M1Pro 32GB and a 1070 Mini) could work for some stuff, but especially for the robotics part it's mostly about NVIDIA...

Curious about any experiences.