So the Summer Solstice of 2026 concludes the 30th year that spouse and I have been married. We're in the queer bin, no offspring, two cats, and have both had miscellaneous careers, now on the bumpy path to elderhood.

Relationship advice - ups, downs, and all arounds, is a perennial theme of Tildes discussion.

This is your opportunity to throw down your questions about how to manage keeping it together this long.

Full disclosure: I've had two glasses of wine for our intermediate celebration (we decided to have a small one on the actual date since it's a Monday, the blowout is Friday night), so the immediate answers may be a little fuzzy.

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Some people here know me, I’ve been open about having been a virgin until I was 24. I didn’t really think about this too much before I had sex, in that there are various skill levels. The person that I lost my virginity to was my age, but she had been having sex for over 10 years. We had a fling for a few months, so for a while she was the only person I was having sex with. I had nothing else to compare that to, and so to me what I was doing with her was the baseline of what sex was. It wasn’t until I started having sex with other people that I realized that she was actually significantly skilled in the area, and was quite a bit above average. So in that way, I lucked out on how I was introduced to sex.

Subsequent sexual partners have been lackluster. For a bit I thought, okay maybe they’re just not experienced even if they are quite a bit older than me and have been supposedly having sex for twenty some odd years. But after more people who claimed to have experience came my way, I started to think okay maybe experience doesn’t matter if you’re just doing the same thing over and over.

I’m going to try to describe what the issue is. Out of the partners that weren’t particularly good in bed, it feels like they can’t move their bodies very well. Like they’re stiff, movement isn’t fluid and they don’t have strong energy, there’s no vigor to them. I came to a theory that if someone can’t dance, that that translates into their performance. Because I think being able to dance, suggests that you have rhythm control, body control, and more explicitly hip control. As well as endurance. The first girl was someone that could dance, so we would dance together a lot and I think my dance ability translated to me being pretty good despite my inexperience. But with women that can’t dance I often find that they struggle to keep up with anything I’m trying to do. Like if I’m trying to set a rhythm they fight against the rhythm, not on purpose, it’s like dancing they just don’t have the rhythm.

Another thing is I last a really long time, like minimum an hour. The first girl was able to keep up with me even as the sessions went on for over two hours. A lot of other women I’ve been with are done by the 20 minute mark. Which to me is just like getting started.

So far this sounds like I’m bragging. But the point I’m getting at is that, I was not physically attracted to the girl I lost my virginity to. While we got along, generally, I also wasn’t super into her personality nor was there that much of an emotional connection from my side anyway. And since then I’ve been with women that I am both physically and mentally attracted to, but because of our lack of sexual compatibility I’m really not as keen on seeing them.

This kind of came into my brain, when I was looking at Reddit posts where people were discussing the former partners of both Ariana Grande and Sabrina Carpenter. Both singers are known for dating unattractive men. So when I saw a user say that, if you listen to how many of their songs are about sex, they likely prioritize sexual compatibility/chemistry above anything else. Which made me realize I think I do too. Maybe it’s just because sex is still a relatively new thing for me, and it’ll dissipate as time goes on. But, I wanted to know if other people were in the same boat.

I was musing about this recently with the recent models becoming more capable. The core of gen AI is the model, which is trained on a massive dataset. To date, gen AI has improved because the models have become larger, more efficient, the data they are trained on has become better and the software/harnesses around them has improved to help query them.

As I see it, surely the bottleneck will soon become the data they are trained on? If we imagine a scenario where a models could consume an infinite amount of training data, and there is no limit to the training time or quality. The sum of human skill/knowledge is the limiting factor. Gen AI should (in theory) never be able to out preform or push the boundary of the sum of humanity at time of training.

Or, counterpoint, is there enough randomness and speed to iterate that gen AI can actually step change and improve if training times/cost were less prohibitive? Most companies/models today will save good output and feed it back into the next iteration, but right now that's taking months. What if that took minutes?

What do you think?

Is gen AI going to take us to general intelligence?
Will gen AI get to a place where it's "intelligence" and reasoning is actually better than the sum of Humanity?

I've been thinking a lot lately about burnout, ADHD, autism, work, and where I go from here.

My background is in entertainment design, print-focused graphic design, commercial printing, project management, production coordination.

I started out designing graphics for sets, props, and production, then gradually moved into the coordination and project management side by filling the gaps between creative teams, vendors, printers, clients, and production crews. Over time, that turned into a career built around helping complex visual and print projects move from idea to finished product. And I like it, I like being able to turn intangible ideas into reality.

But a lot of what has worn me down has not just been the workload itself. Print is stressful by nature, and I understand that. Deadlines move fast, clients change things, files come in wrong, and problems have to be solved quickly.

What has worn me down more is the pressure to work in a way that does not match how I work best, while also being hired for skills that depend on me seeing systems differently in the first place.

A major part of my career, especially as I moved into coordination and project management, has been my ability to understand systems, notice inefficient workflows, and find ways to improve them. I tend to see where information gets lost, where effort is duplicated, where confusion is being created, and where a better structure would help everyone.

A lot of this has actually stemmed from me adapting to my ADHD to create frictionless workflows for myself to help myself manage my life. But it translates well into systems and workflow because I understand where that friction is for a lot of people and how things get missed.

The frustrating pattern is that I often get hired partly because a company wants better organization, better workflows, better communication, or more efficient processes. Then when I start identifying those issues and trying to improve them, the follow-through fades.

Management may not fully support the changes. The existing culture may push back. Or one coworker who is deeply embedded in the company reacts badly and turns the situation into a conflict.

Eventually, I end up being pressured to operate inside the same inefficient workflow that was causing problems to begin with. Then I start looking ineffective in the exact environment I was hired to help improve.

That is where ADHD and autism make the struggle especially difficult. It is not that I cannot work hard or solve complex problems. I can. But when a workplace is unclear, reactive, socially political, inconsistent, or resistant to process improvement, I spend a huge amount of energy just trying to function inside it.

Then the anxiety builds. I start worrying that I'm going to be blamed, misunderstood, pushed out, or fired, even when I'm trying to help.

The hilariously frustrating thing is that I used to have Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria from relationships stemming from my ADHD, I would get anxious and paranoid when sensing a change in behavior patterns or tone or whatever, and I am very happy to say I have overcome that in my relationships and am much more secure. HOWEVER, in a hilariously frustrating turn of events, those exact rejection sensitive dypshoria senses have moved entirely to work. And I start panicking at a manager's tone change, or email.

I get in this mindset of expecting to be fired at any moment, where I can hear and see my manager pulling me in to give me "the talk" before being let go.

And frankly I think that burns me out more than anything.

Like right now in this current job, I was hired to improve the processes and inefficiencies, because the print shop I'm working at is using software literally from 2001 all run on ancient Windows 7 computers and has been unsupported for over 15 years, and their process is so painstakingly inefficient that I was hired precisely because they knew.

However here I am 6 months into the job, and I haven't even touched any process improvements and I am not expected to work entirely off of paper and a 25 year old software, both of which is so far away from my skillset and how I function that I'm struggling every day just to keep up.

Meanwhile, the HR woman who is also a project manager, has outright refused any process improvement and has forced me to work EXACTLY like she does. She's forced me to use her spreadsheet, she's forced me to handwrite everything(I have dysgraphia too, I struggle writing by hand but typing is second nature). She has thrown me under the bus. I created a synced spreadsheet using Microsoft 365 so we didn't have to send emails with spreadsheets every single night that clogs up our inboxes, and she just straight up said "I'm not using that."

So now I'm coming into work every day, struggling to be functional, and questioning if it's me, the job, or what. And it's frustrating that this has happened at just about every single job I've had since 2020.

I have real experience and real value. I've worked across graphic design, commercial printing, production, prepress, project management, account management, estimating, vendor coordination, branding, marketing support, workflow systems, and automation.

I know how print projects go wrong. I know how to prepare files, coordinate specs, communicate with printers, work with clients, manage production details, and help avoid expensive mistakes.

That is part of why I've started seriously thinking about freelance work, print brokerage, design support, print consulting, and workflow automation.

On paper, it feels like it could make sense. It would let me build something around the parts of the work I know I'm good at: helping people plan print projects, prepare files correctly, source vendors, manage production details, improve workflows, automate repetitive tasks, and make the process less confusing.

I'd also get to manage my own time, my own processes without being judged or worried about being fired. I have so many ideas on finding clients, helping clients, and I've got skillsets that would set me apart from my competition.

I see a need for design teams and people to need help with print, because I've worked with so many clients in my jobs that struggle with what comes second nature to me. And because schools seem to always teach how Print is dying, the majority of graphic designers know very very little about how to design effectively for print, which a lot of my career has been geared towards helping.

The part I'm unsure about is whether this is a real next step or just another big ADHD idea that feels urgent because I'm burned out.

I know I'm capable. That isn't really the question. The question is whether going out on my own would actually give me the room to use those skills in a healthier way, or whether I'd end up running into the same patterns without the safety net of a regular job.

That is the part that makes me hesitate. Freelancing feels like it could be a way to finally build work around how I function best, but it also feels uncertain and risky. If the same issues around anxiety, conflict, communication, or feeling unsupported still show up, I would be dealing with them on my own.

So I'm trying to be realistic without talking myself out of something that might actually help. I can't keep going the way I have been. I feel burned out and stuck, and this idea feels just practical enough and just uncertain enough that I keep coming back to it.

If anyone has experience with freelancing, print brokerage, consulting, ADHD/autism in the workplace, burnout, or building a career around a skillset that does not fit neatly into traditional jobs, I'd appreciate your perspective.

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who have made some version of this work. Not in a "just quit your job and follow your dreams" way, but in a realistic way. What helped? What did you have to figure out? What made it sustainable?

I could use advice, but honestly, I could also use some encouragement and success stories from people who have been in a similar place and found a way forward.

I recently have been reconnecting with something from my childhood: the Krosmoz universe! Anyone who was a kid in France between 2004 and 2012 or so either grew up on it or is at least a little bit familiar with it. Most people outside of the country, if they know of it, generally only know of Dofus, the first of their three (actually five (actually eight if you count the dead ones)) tactical MMORPGs, or the derived TV animated series Wakfu, which was picked up on Netflix at one point. But it's massive here. Even today, they're still quite popular and perpetually developed.

As a medium, video games are not generally so closely tied to countries; more than half of their history has been during the era of globalization and the Internet. Even in the past, when you could only buy games in person in a store, people's minds everywhere were nonetheless on games from overseas. Today, games made in Sweden or Morocco have lived on the same storefronts as games made in Venezuela and Australia for a good while, and I'd bet most people don't even think about where the people who make the games they play come from.

I personally think this is a great thing! But the fact that there's something like Krosmoz, that's so unusually localized to one place, makes me curious to know if there's more; and if there is, I want to know what's unique about it, and what it says about its players and makers, too.

I've asked this before on reddit, and I remember being told about Metin2, an originally Korean MMO that was so popular in Eastern Europe that even a decade after the original Korean and US servers were shut down, players from those countries are still updating the game and keeping it alive. This is a different situation from Krosmoz but another fascinating one. It's the kind of thing I wanna know about.

This is an invitation to yap, if you'll oblige me. Do you have anything like that where you're from? A game or game franchise that only people of your culture know, and that you want everyone else to know about? I wanna hear about it!

I posted this once and immediately deleted it to make it shorter. I did not really succeed. Please don't sue me!

I think the simplest thing Arc Raiders nailed about gameplay is the pacing. The enemies move at such a pace that you never get instantly vapourised; you always have a second or two to try something crazy even when you're utterly doomed. The times that 'something crazy' works you have a unique memorable moment. Let me tell you about one of mine.

A Rocketeer is a common headache in Arc Raiders. It's a quadcopter drone the size of a tank that shoots rockets. It usually takes a big and expensive weapon to take one down, but players started to take notice of an item called a 'Hornet Driver', basically a stun grenade. What happens when you stun an aerial drone? That's right, it drops right out of the sky, to its doom if the fall is far enough.

With this in mind, I emerged from some tunnels to find another player pinned down by a Rocketeer. I throw a Hornet Driver, it hits just the right spot and the Rocketeer drops to the ground but is unharmed... and then in trying to angrily get back in the air it flips itself over on its back, completely immobilised. The two of us strangers hesitate for a split second before we sprint over and beat the thing to death with hammers.

There are flaws in this game but in terms of creating organic events it's been a great time.

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I've been seeing this claim repeated across social media, blogs, and various online communities these days. However, I haven't yet found a discussion that digs into the evidence behind it or provides reliable sources.

Where can I learn more about this topic?

I'm increasingly skeptical of mainstream media coverage and a lot of what I encounter online, so I'm looking for sources that are as rigorous and unbiased as possible. I'd especially appreciate:

• Academic papers and research studies
• Industry reports with transparent methodologies
• Independent analyses that critically examine the claim
• Any insights from people who work in web infrastructure, cybersecurity, search, analytics, or related fields

If you know of high-quality resources, I'd love to read about them.

This post is mostly going to be incoherent rambling, but I hope this does make some sense and gains engagement from my other fellow Tildes users on here.

I, like many others, participated in the Reddit exodus to a degree after the API changes some years ago. I've been using tildes semi-regularly ever since, but I still frequent Reddit just as much as I used to (however, being much less active in terms of commenting/posting) simply due to the sheer size of the user base.

Of course, since January 20th 2025 (the beginning of Trumps second term), the world has definitely seemed to be in an increasingly state of turmoil ever since. De Minimis exception rules, non-stop changes on tariffs to different countries, the war in Iran, capturing the Venezuelan president (for better or for worse), trying to unite the Western hemisphere under the American flag, unveiling of the Epstein files, Isreal still attempting to ethnically cleanse Gaza, and countless other disputes that have been ongoing such as Russia v. Ukraine, China v. Taiwan, etc.

None of this is relatively good news, nor am I really a fan of any of these actions above, save for perhaps capturing Maduro.

Whenever I scroll through r/worldnews or r/news, it just seems that present day society is literally going on the brink of collapse. I'm just wondering, am I in the wrong to think that most people are living their lives the way they always have, and just hope for the best and they stay relatively unaffected?

I am someone who travels to the US semi-regularly, and if I were to take the word of the average redditor on there, I would safely assume that I am about to be shot on sight by ICE or be captured and waterboarded (slight exaggeration, I hope). And yet when I arrive, people are living their life the way they always have. Perhaps there is a tad more mistrust between citizens, and perhaps a bit more individuals feel more free to be openly racist (these are all assumptions, not stating them as fact), but everything is mostly just functioning the way it always has.

My question is, should I be more on the side that there is going to be significant political and economic reform in the world, or will things play out the way they always have for the 21st century, where everything gets, very slowly, shittier by the day, but things remain decent enough to quell the suggestion of a civil war?

Thanks for reading anyone, and appreciate any thoughts on the subject.

P.S I have no idea how to tag this, so thanks in advance to whoever does end up tagging this post.

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.