Honest question. My son is only 5 months, but that is something that came to mind while reading posts on American websites. My culture is not nearly as sensitive to swear words are English speakers seem to be, so I would like to know if there's any reason to be mindful of that other than specific cultural sensibilities. Is it inherently bad to use swear words in front of kids? Do you have any personal views on the matter?

The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened.

The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea that we would be so badly penalized for management choices that created significant operating cost overruns in the face of a projected short-term demand decline. I've lost half the members of my immediate team, good friends, people whose work and thoughtfulness I deeply respected. The entire department structure is being upended. The harshness of the selection for people who were being laid off included a teammate who's in the hospital, parents of young children, people on the edge of retirement. I'm suspicious and extra hostile towards the company - it's very significant to me that all the people of color and people who've had recent medical leave are among the lost.

It's not the first time I've watched and survived a company's poor management and bad choices, but this is by far the worst. I've worked very hard at staying professional with the customers this week. I'm still inwardly seething with rage. I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive to the people who are leaving. I'm trying to figure out how to help a team lead who's in his first management job, and is totally devastated and nearly frozen with helplessness. I'm decent at my job, but don't know why I was kept and others with equal or greater skills were let go. I don't feel good about what qualities I might have had that corporate desired to keep - dutifulness, compliance, amiability, reticence?

At the same time, I'm looking at months of double workload even though corporate management claims they'll outsource part of the duties (so that's another symptom that I'm replaceable) and manage the task pipeline. There's a frankly insulting retention bonus if I stay for another year. We've gotten the usual anodyne HR garbage about the employee assistance program and coping skills. The corporate management's left us with the ominous "stay tuned for further announcements over the coming weeks".

I don't have a lot of choices here. I'm trying hard to stay focused on the present, without looking over the cliff of dread at the future. At the moment, I'm the sole support for our household and source of health insurance. My spouse is badly burnt out, and I don't want him to look for work a minute before he's healthy and enthusiastic about a job. I'm a late-50's end-career professional who wouldn't normally have much interest in restarting yet again elsewhere. I very deliberately chose this company, job and location, liked the work I was doing, the people I was doing it with, and I was looking forward to building on it. There's still the possibility that our half-vacant remote office will be closed and consolidated with the corporate headquarters. I have less than zero interest in relocating, and plan to keep separated coworkers who live here as personal friends.

I'll be grateful to hear any advice on coping with this situation, and hope the replies will be helpful to others in future.

I've been looking around at different note-taking apps (Notion, Obsidian, Anytype, Joplin, Logseq, etc.) after seeing a few videos about the idea of having a "second brain", and only how has the the thought popped into my mind, "What's the point?". A “second brain” seems like it would require spending too much processing power on something that only exists to exist. What are the chances there you're going to remember any given thing after writing it down? You haven’t filled up your first brain yet. This all sounds very pessimistic - my intention is not to insult anyone's choice to use these tools, but I'm curious of what benefits people have gotten from their "second brains". Maybe I'm just the wrong kind of person for it, or maybe it's just that I'm not used to writing things down.

Edit: I'm coming to an interesting conclusion that many people use their version of a second brain for things they need to do. This isn't really what I was referring to, I was more looking at it as a form of journaling or personal research, which might be less common?

Heyyy Tilderinos! I'm getting my first tat tomorrow - planning on a Lopunny and Mega Lopunny on my bicep that I'd love to turn into a patchwork sleeve of my other favorite Pokemon down the line. Bouncing between really excited and really nervous! What's some general advice you'd give?

Hi everyone!

I am moving to Colorado from Oregon late February and will be driving with my cat. I am shipping my belongings separately so it’s just us in the car.

We will be traveling through Idaho, Utah, and Colorado. I have never been through any of these states, particularly this time of year. My planned route is

Day 1 - Portland, OR -> Boise, ID
Day 2 - Boise, ID -> Salt Lake City, UT
Day 3 - Salt Lake City, UT -> Grand Junction, CO
Day 4 - Grand Junction, CO -> Denver, CO

Because of the time of year, I wanted to see if anyone had tips for traveling this route. I have checked average temperatures for the cities I’ll be stopping in for that time of year but I know that’s not the full story. I’m also going to get my car checked out before the long drive to make sure all is well. I have all season tires that are newer and chains already in the car.

I have a first aid kit, will bring a few blankets and some food/water for both me and the cat (Marge), a battery pack, and a few days of clothes for the traveling. That’s all I could think of.

Does anyone have suggestions or tips for this 1200+ mile trip? Also, my cat has only ever been in the car for about 3 hours at most. She’s sometimes anxious and sometimes chill. If anyone has suggestions for traveling with a cat in the car for up to 7 hours per day, that would also be appreciated!

Background: I don't like choosing outfits in the morning for work. Due to whatever combination of mental issues/oddities I have, in the past I've gotten stuck at point for a very long time. After reading about how someone like Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg wears the same thing every day, I decided to try a version of that to reduce the number of decisions I had to make each morning. I didn't actually want to wear the same thing every day, because then I'd become "the guy who wears the same thing every day" at work. So I decided to have a number of predetermined outfits that I rotate through. I have some number of dress shirts of various colors/patterns and a matching number of pants of various colors to go with them. I have a few pairs of shoes in the typical colors that I just match with the pants. I've been doing this for years now, and it's great for simplifying my daily routine, but I occasionally wonder if people notice.

So my question is: How many outfits do you personally think is the right number such that no one would notice? Alternatively, what number do you think would be the best for whatever reason?

To be clear, this is just a fun discussion question. I'm not really looking for help or advice. I won't say how many outfits I have on rotation right now to avoid anchoring.

This is a silly sounding topic, but I'm unfortunately in such a situation and want to be a step ahead in self defense. My ex wife and her new boyfriend have been overheard by my kids saying that they're going to "get me" or generally do something bad to me. They are not physically strong people so I'm not worried about a violent attack, but they are intelligent people and I'm worried about all the other options the internet leaves open to them. My ex obviously knows my social security number so I have already locked my credit with the three agencies (Experian, Transunion and Equifax). I have also changed every password I can think of and have security cameras around the entrances to my home. What else should I be doing? Are there legal consulting services or routes I should be looking into to prevent possible problems? I don't want to go overboard with this (and I promise I'm not a paranoid person) but I want to take any reasonable precautions I can to prevent bigger problems.

Overall band score 8.

What's the next step? I am an Indian and wish to pursue a master's program in the US.

Should I prepare for the GRE and apply for spring semester? Total newbie about all of this university stuff.

Thanks in advance.

Hey all,

Bought a house 2 years ago, and have had a handful of issues where I had to call someone out to take a look. Whether its plumbing/HVAC/whatever, sometimes they are clearly things I couldn't do myself, but other times, it feels like something I could probably do if I put aside the time.

Most recently, our sump failed resulting in some flooding and we had to get it replaced, which ended up costing $700 USD. I know pumps only cost around $300 and generally understand what work needs to go into replacing it, but was worried I may miss something crucial, especially when replacing the piping and screw the whole thing up. On the flip side, I've had a lot issues with our furnace, so the last time an issue came up, I spent an hour on Youtube and just figured it out myself.

Sometimes it just feels silly spending a bunch of money on labor, when its something you could spend an afternoon doing yourself. It just feels hard to gauge when its worth investing the time to figure it out myself or not. I also never know what to do in the situation when the person who took the time to come out gives me a price, it feels like your essentially trapped at that point.

Anyone with more home ownership experience have any advice?

This is an off-shore sweat-shop knock off variant of @Akir 's "Kitchen Towel" installment of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet" thread, which was very popular.

Short problem: So many different types of stuff around the house and I'm sick of it.

Longer problem:

I have dozens upon dozens of types of towels, gifted to me from teenage years from someone, and I've never managed to be able to buy my own towels. And it sucks. They're all different types and styles and sizes and fabric and....I'm old now and I hate it and I just want to fold ONE type of towel in the bathroom and ONE type of towel in the kitchen. I would like different colours for different purposes, maybe I can decorate them myself or whatever -- but I want standardization. From @Akir's thread, I learned about "Flour Sack Towels" from @tanglisha and omg where had that advice been all my life. I feel like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for kitchen towels.

What I need:

Recommendations for all types of household goods that have stood the test of time, where I can obtain the same product from multiple sources or one long standing brand that is not interested in diversification.

one common type, common functions, common properties

Example: Corelle dishes. I have "big plates" and "little plates" and "bowls" that are all the same size and form, and at thrift stores I can easily find replacements of these common types, even if they were made decades apart and in different patterns. All exactly the same: serves the same and washes the same and stacks the same. The company seems uninterested in discontinuing their line of products and I love them for it. I need the Corelle of all things.

What are your trusty brands and types of "things" that are so obvious you'd never have to think about buying any other types of? Something so standardized that in your region they're just known as "----" instead of what they are actually called or brand name or size?

Do you know a brand that just makes ONE thing forever and they'll never change? Or a public domain type of thing that's an industry standard? I need to know what they are. Nails? Screws? Tools? Computer things? Cables? Cutlery? Knives? Types of household chemicals? Spices? Meat cuts? Margarine? Storage bins? Kinds of wood? All kinds of things, please.

Side question about existing, gifted, singleton household towels and socks :

I'd like to ask about what to do with my existing million different types of socks and towels. I want to buy my own as an now older adult. At what point should I flat out tell them to stop giving me socks and towels? Do I just suck it up and keep quietly re-gifting them to food bank? What about all the ones in current rotation? I would hate to throw out stuff but at this point I'm nearly ready to do it.

As my school project this year, I'm making a metasearch engine for courses (any type, online/offline, free/paid). I could just add the websites I know myself but school requires us to provide a detailed explanation of how we did "market research", so I'm asking here.

What websites do you usually go to first to when you want to learn something? It should preferably be something which is not exclusive to IT, but those websites are fine as well if they're really good.

In one of my secret santas this year I have bought a digital copy of a solo RPG to give, however as it's only a PDF I'm not really sure what the best way to go about presenting this on the day of the exchange would be. I want there to be something for her to open, I know that much. In an ideal world whatever she opens will link to a download of the PDF or something, so maybe a QR code situation of some sort?

Welcome to this exciting episode of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet"! In this installment, we ask for help from members of the audience who really know where their towel is. Do we have a Betty Crocker in the house?

Right now I have 2-3 crusty and mostly useless kitchen towels strewn around my counter space. For some reason, kitchen towels just kind of evade my attempts to manage them well. I tried to keep them folded in a corner of the counter, but I never liked the idea of putting them back there after I used them even if it was just to clean a water spill. Putting them in a drawer was this but worse because they bunch up and seize up on the frame it goes into.

On top of that, I'm never sure exactly how to keep them clean. Most of the time I avoid using them to touch food or to clean up with; I clean up with sponges and use paper towels for when it needs to touch food. But I think that paper towels are kind of wasteful, so I want to stop using them. There are also some applications where paper towels simply don't work that well to begin with, especially when you need a sturdy wet towel. I'm wondering if I should just be sticking them in my weekly laundry loads, but I tend to forget about them for a day and don't want to have a need for them while they aren't usable.

1. When did you stop celebrating?
2. Why did you stop celebrating?
3. How have family and friends responded?
4. What do you do instead, if anything?

Disclaimer - I am not aiming to shame or undermine those who do celebrate, this is just friendly a discussion for those who don’t.

So for the past two years, I've been a residential Cable Technician working for a subcontractor for Cox (Comcast). After many applications, I finally landed a position. I'd been trying to get a foothold into IT for a while now; my A+ is nearly expired at this point. I was pretty stoked to actually get the position. The position is a "Level 1 IT Specialist" at a private school. Utilizing company software to respond to tickets, fix issues for admin staff and teachers/students. The only hitch at first was that I had to shave clean (Silly, I know). Begrudgingly, I relented. That's fine, it's not particularly impressive anyway.

Today, I got a call from the HR rep who did my onboarding saying that I would also unfortunately need to cut my hair to follow their guidelines of hairline above the collar. This is a huge deal for me, as my hairline is currently at the middle of my back. I just wear it up for work. This would truly devastate me. The people interviewing me (3 of them) said it would be fine, then the employee handbook stated otherwise. When asked, the HR rep said she'd contact a supervisor, supe said no, and now she's referring me to another department (Benefits? Dunno how that's relevant) to try to make an exception or something to that effect.

Beyond just wanting to lament the likely loss of 4 years of work, I did want to ask those who are more experienced in the IT field than myself: Is this job (the IT one) one that will absolutely help me progress in my IT career? I know I didn't give the most detailed explanation of it; I hardly know everything myself. It was hard enough to finally have a job get back to me. And I was accepted rather quickly. But the loss of my hair gives me pause, and makes me wonder if I'm better off at my current job and waiting for another opportunity that might never come. Should I just grit my teeth and accept this blow to my identity for the sake of furthering my career? Any advice at all is welcome.

I'm a pretty conscientious person and I like to research stuff before I buy it - I'm not obsessive about getting The Best Whatever In Class, but like anyone I'm interested in a good deal for a product that suits my needs.

Between the prevalence of review-stuffing bots, Google's results getting worse, and reviewers themselves sometimes having questionable financial backing, I'm finding it harder and harder to find reliable information. So the gold standard is personal recommendations from real people!

I checked and it's been a while since we've had a general recommendations thread on Tildes so I thought it might be nice to start up another one with the influx of new folks!

Possible points of discussion:

1. Are you looking to buy something and hoping to hear from people about what's good and what's bad? Post the type of thing you're looking for in a top-level comment and others can chime in!

2. Is there a product you enjoy or that has improved your life, fills a niche or special requirement really well, or stands out to you as being a big improvement over its competitors? Is there a particular company you had a great experience with? Share with others who might also benefit!

3. Is there a product you tried, HATED, and want to warn people about? Something that's all hype, no substance? I think that also fits here.

4. Are there any reviewers or sites you trust in particular?

Becoming a father is a moment of great elation and stress, bringing challenges that are hard to anticipate. Given the different demands and circumstances that surround us, many of these challenges are not necessarily shared by our partners. At the very least, many challenges and fortuitous circumstances contain features that are more common for men. What was not like you expected (good or bad)? What did you find particularly surprising or revealing?

I've been looking into this sort of thing for a while. Looks like a nice way to get a change of scenery (if you don't know WOOFING is basically volunteer farm work for room/board). Anyone have experience doing this in the USA/anywhere else? Would love to hear from you if so!

Recently my daughter (third grade) has started learning to type at school. It's a Montessori program, so it's a pretty low tech environment overall, which I mention because I don't necessarily expect them to have a nuanced view of technology issues.

One of the typing programs they use is nitrotype.com, which adds a competitive gameplay element. However, it also has mechanism to friend another player. Friends can only communicate with stock phrases, so there's not too much "Internet leakage" beyond being able to choose a username.

I set it up for my daughter on her Linux Chromebook (I whitelist things I want her to have and everything else is blocked at DNS). Seeing her interact with it the first time, I realized that she spends as much time "adding friends" as doing the typing.

On its face, this activity is pretty harmless. But I am worried about the patterns it might be creating for her. I'm worried about her uncritically engaging with the dopamine hit of getting a new friend. Or how it shapes her idea of how many friends she has or where idea of her self worth comes from. Or what she thinks friends are.

So after that long preamble, here are some questions:

• How would you explain "friends" in this context?
• Would you distinguish them from other kinds of friends, either real or virtual?
• Would you attach a moral component to the activity? E.g. that it is good/bad or helpful/harmful
• How would you frame it to the teacher? Not so much in terms of whether or not they should do it in the classroom, but what kinds of conversations should they be having about the friends experience?
• If I'm asking the wrong questions, what questions should I be asking instead?

I'm really interested in seeing the perspectives people have on this. My own ideas are a bit murky, but I will put them down as a comment.

I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric fireplace insert, or an island hood. Anybody have any insight they're willing to share on this quote?

Remodel estimate

1. Planning and asbestos test $1,190.00
2. Move range outlet $1,514.00
3. Island hood $4,498.00
4. Electric fireplace insert $4,133.00
5. Main bathroom $36,552.00
6. Hall bathroom toilet and fan with humidistat $3,579.00
7. Concrete landings outside the front and back doors, front siding flashing $2,899.00
8. Re-pipe plumbing $14,993.00
9. Bedroom window glass replacement $749.00
   Total $70,107.00

Description
Plans will be refined. Drywall will be tested for asbestos content.
Dust will be contained and floors will be protected.
The range outlet will be moved.
An island range hood will be installed. The placeholder hood in the estimate is a Zephyr Brisas.
An electric fireplace insert will be installed. The placeholder fireplace in the estimate is a
Dimplex 500001756.
The main bathroom will be remodeled. The shower will be replaced with a pre-formed shower
pan and Corian walls, and two shower valves and shower heads will be installed. A sliding
shower door will be installed. The floor will be tiled. A new vanity cabinet, countertop, sink, and
faucet will be installed. A new toilet will be installed. The vanity electrical outlets will be
lowered, a larger lower mirror will be installed, a new vanity light will be installed. A ventilation
fan and light will be installed with a humidistat/condensation sensor. Drywall will be patched.
New baseboard trim will be installed. The bathroom will be painted.
The hall bathroom toilet will be replaced. A ventilation fan with a humidistat will be installed.
Concrete landings will be poured outside the front door and outside the back sliding door. The
front door landing will be about 5-1/2’x4’ with a curved corner. The back landing will be about
3-1/2’x3’.
The plumbing in the house will be replaced. Drywall holes from installation will be patched and
painted.
Window glass will be replaced in the bedroom with the broken window pane.
Everything will be cleaned up.
All labor and materials are included.

Thank you!

I was chatting with a friend about Thanksgiving. Neither of us find the holiday relevant to us, so this year we're going for something health-oriented (somewhat off-theme, but we liked it). I'd love to have lots of traditions, but I didn't grow up with them. If you found a tradition later in life, how did it come about?

I’ve completely eliminated the alarm clock from my morning routine for about six months. The biggest impacts it's had on my life are:

1. I’ve become a morning person.
2. I wake up feeling great and feel less sleepy during the day.

Becoming a morning person is a necessary side effect of not using an alarm clock because it requires the body to naturally wake up early enough for work, school, or other regular obligations. Although I’ve historically enjoyed staying up late, the brutal truth is that all humans require a certain amount of sleep, and this can't be consistently fought without an alarm clock.

The best part about eliminating alarm clocks from my life is how it has affected my day. It’s not a hidden secret that good sleep habits translate to:

1. Better mood
2. Increased energy levels
3. Clearer mind
4. Improved overall health

I can confidently say I really do feel all these benefits. In the end, it's not to any real surprise. The alarm clock interupts one of the most important cycles of your body, and so it only makes sense to leave sleep alone so it can do what it needs to do.

How I Transitioned to Natural Sleep

Once I decided to try this experiment, I created a simple plan to implement it. Before this life change, my sleep schedule was from around 1 am to 8 am. So, the first thing I did was set an alarm for the target time I wanted to naturally wake up, in my case, 7 am.

The first night resulted in 6 hours of sleep (1 am to 7 am). My body needs more than that, so by the time 11 pm rolled around, I was ready to fall asleep. It was initially tough to sleep earlier than normal, as I felt there was still time to do things, but I let my body dictate my actions and went to bed without an alarm.

That night, I slept for about 9 hours due to sleep debt. I missed my 7 am target, but it wasn’t a big deal. After that, with my body reset, I simply aimed to continue to sleep around 11 pm, meaning I was in bed by 10:30 pm. The pressure of needing to naturally wake up before work was enough motivation to forgo the later hours of the night and continue heading to bed early.

Now, I’ve settled into a great rhythm of going to bed around 10-10:30 pm and waking up around 6:30 am. What’s great is discovering how much sleep my body naturally needs (8-8.5 hours). No more trying to "hack" my body with things like miserable polyphasic sleep experiments. I know what my body needs, I succumb to it, and I’m rewarded the next day.

Some Caveats

What worked for me won’t necessarily work for everyone. Each person and their situation is unique, so results will obviously vary. Some unique factors for me are:

• I’ve always been able to fall asleep quickly, which might be due to consistent sleep deprivation, regular exercise, or both.
• My only dependent is a dog, and she doesn’t mind sleeping in a bit in the morning.
• I always sleep with white noise, which helps block out sounds that would normally wake me up during the night.
• My work schedule is consistently 9 am to 5 pm.

One final note: I still use alarm clocks for special occasions, such as early morning flights. Although I could probably wake up naturally for them, without an alarm set, I would probably wake up in the middle of the night stressed about the possibility of missing my flight.

Try It Out

This change has been significant enough in my life that I frequently recommend it to friends. I now honestly believe that the alarm clock is the single worst thing the wider population willingly inflicts on themselves. If you’re willing to eliminate the morning alarm clock from your life, I would love to hear how it goes. Good luck!

We found out recently that we are expecting an addition to our family and are incredibly excited! It's still early on so we are not trying to get overly excited knowing that things can happen in the first trimester, but would like to begin educating ourselves on the pregnancy process and parenting.

Am curious and would love to hear from everyone what resources they found most helpful on these subjects. Pros for evidence based sources that manage to not be overly dry. Send me what you got! Any general advice you have would also be greatly appreciated :)

We’re finding it increasingly difficult find meaningful time to spend with the kids. They’re teens but still want to do stuff together and yet with all the extracurricular and us working it’s hard to just be together. They also have their own preferences and sometimes it’s hard to find common ground.

Was hoping to find some inspiration and ideas. Thanks in advance.

My son got invited to a birthday party, which will be at a candy shop. I don’t know the girl other than she’s 7 and likes dogs and crafts. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Budget would be under $20 or so.

Edit: thanks so much for all the suggestions!

How visible is your lifestyle to others in your life (personal, professional, etc)?

Have you found love recently?

What do serious relationships look like for you? Is marriage on the table, or is it contrary to polyamory?

I'm hoping to spark discussion of the topic, since I haven't seen it mentioned much on Tildes.

I don't necessarily mean your exact kinks, more the overall psychological and emotional aspects.

I just had a conversation with my girlfriend about this very topic, discussing why we liked the things we do.

Having thought through it more thoroughly, I find that giving up power makes me feel desired and objectified by the dominant in a safe environment, which is a feeling I seldom get to experience as I'm neither an 7+ out of 10 or in otherwise position to attract that kind of attention.

In addition, always feeling like I have to control every situation I'm in and often feeling somewhat anxious if I'm in an unfamiliar environment, this sort of play also allows me to safely relinquish control.

How about you?

Users of Tildes, what are your morning routines like? What do you do when you first open your eyes and get out of bed? What things do you think are beneficial and help you start your day? What improvements do you think you could make?

I initially tried to find an existing thread, but my Google Fu was not up to the task. My apologies if this has been asked before.

For me, my usual morning goes like this:

• Get woken up before the alarm by my dog
• Take her out while doing the daily Wordle
• Feed my dog while drinking my morning coffee and reading a chapter from one of the books I’m currently reading
• Get dressed and tidied up
• (If it’s a work day) I prep my things/lunch
• (if it’s the weekend) I’ll typically read a couple more chapters or go directly to the next step
• I’ll catch up on news/Tildes/Instagram
• And then I continue my day (either by going to work or planning out what needs done around the house)

I think the only improvements I could really think of is possibly adding a block of 10-15 minutes to journal. I think a bit of self reflection would be beneficial. I usually do some journaling in the evening, but having both my pre and post day thoughts catalogued could be beneficial.

What about you guys? What do your mornings look like?

I know for basic living for one single person and no pets, a bathroom, and kitchen+living room+bedroom are the bare essentials. So basically a studio.

What I'm looking for is some opinions on what separated rooms are needed/wanted for a house, and also how needed/wanted are they? I'd say the bathroom and "studio" room would rank as #1 and #2, unless you plan on having the "studio" area separate. In that case, these are ranked as:
Bathroom -1
Kitchen - 2
Bedroom - 3
Living room - 4

Maybe add in closets here and there, and a laundry room?

Bthrm closet - 5
Laundry - 6
Bdr closet - 7
Pantry - 8
Lvgrm closet - 9

But I know nothing of what rooms are necessary (or lesser known possible rooms/areas) for living, or even how big they should be. I know in my state, NC, the bare minimum is 720 sq ft, so shooting for slightly over that would be ideal for me. I don't want to have a huge house to clean, and I love cozy, small spaces. If I want to see some larger space, I'll look out a window or go outside.

So what would be your numbered list for priority rooms in a house?

Hey all. I have a room that's currently lit (during the night) by two light fixtures attached to the same wall and on the same switch. Each fixture has two LED lights with a 2700K or 2800K color temperature (don't remember exactly), 230lm brightness, 3.9W power consumption, for presumably a theoretical total of 920lm and 15.6W. These bulbs are angled some 45 degrees forward aimed at the (white) ceiling in order to reflect diffuse light for the rest of the room.

I'm going to add two tall bookcases to that wall which are going to cover where the lights currently are, so I need to figure out another solution for lighting. I don't want to damage the ceiling. Currently, my idea is to extend the wiring from the walls up behind the bookcases and place lights at the top of the bookcases, similarly angled forward so they reflect off the ceiling closer to the middle of the room.

But I'm not finding appropriate fixtures, devices or anything else that I can place on a horizontal surface in order to angle a directed diffuse light forward. The closest I have right now would be something like these outdoor waterproof floodlights.

They have a number of problems, though, chief of all the temperature being 3000K (that's the lowest available; you can get them a lot colder). For some reason, no one seems to be making 2700K/2800K versions of these. I'm afraid if I buy these, the light in this room will be noticeably different from the rest of the house. They are also very bright at 1000lm each (these are the darkest available; they make them even brighter) for a total 2000lm, more than twice the current brightness. I'm afraid if I sit in a room lit by these, it will affect the quality of my sleep.

Does anyone have any ideas that might yield something closer to what I currently have, but which can be placed atop the bookcases and directed forward and up, as desired? It's also important that replacements don't require waiting for a 6 week cargo ship voyage from somewhere in China, that the power consumption isn't significantly higher, and that there won't be some huge monstrous device on the bookcase visible from the ground.

Some normal everyday things have "premium" alternatives which are more high-quality and pleasant to use. Some examples of what I mean

Ballpoint pens -> Fountain pens
Cartridge razor -> Double edge razor
Nespresso -> Brewing coffee
Membrane keyboards -> Mechanical keyboards

Those things can be overkill, but if it's something that you use often, it can become a great investment.

What other similar improvements have you found?

I'm curious about people's thoughts/opinions on how a vet (or someone offering a pet service) should interact with a dog. It seems as though people have wide ranging and shifting opinions about how dogs should be interacted with and how they interpret the dog's behavior. Some people are extremely sensitive about their dog's mental well being. They do acupuncture and meditation exercises with their dog, speak about the dog's mental health and choose vets that take a very non-threatening and holistic approach to dealing with dogs.

On the flip side is the vet that, although kind and somewhat sensitive, takes a more treatment focused approach and are more direct (the "gentle but firm" approach). Although the dog may be nervous and scared, IME that's pretty common for many dogs. This more direct vet would acknowledge the nervousness but still do what they need to do, often saying "I know you don't like this buddy, but we've gotta do this".

I'm curious what people's thoughts are on this. I'm asking about this because I had an experience at a vet that took a more sensitive approach. And while I appreciate that, my dog was sick and needed treatment. Because of this sensitive technique, the vet didn't examine my dog. He did the "let the dog come to me" approach, which, heh, doesn't really work when you have a sick dog that needs a diagnosis and treatment. You kinda HAVE to put your hands on the dog, feel their vitals, chest, check for lumps, etc. The vet also did the "don't make eye contact" approach, which, heh, means you also aren't looking at my dog to see what their issue looks like. Basically the vet crouched down in the corner of the room, didn't look at my dog and didn't touch her. Because I'm very cuddly with dogs, my dog took his behavior as being uninterested and ignored him. When the vet pointed to her ears and said they were laying down because she felt threatened, I corrected him and said her ears were down because she was being submissive (she was calm, sitting with her ears relaxed, not flattened down against her head). I was getting frustrated because I just wanted my dog examined and treated. I'm fine with my dog being uncomfortable during a wellness exam because that's just the way it goes, even for humans! I do want a vet to be somewhat sensitive but firmness and directness can be done sensitively. Idk if it's because I'm older and have an older mentality about this. I grew up watching vets kinda manhandle dogs and saying "they're dogs, they're fine, don't worry so much". I don't treat dogs like hunting dogs (that's just too harsh imo) but I acknowledge that dogs are tougher than we think sometimes.

What are your thoughts and/or opinions on this?

(This is my first post, so please do add tags or tell me if I've missed anything. Thanks!)

After a recent incident I've had with a male colleague at work this past week, I feel lost and downtrodden on how to move forward in my career. I've experienced various forms of misogyny in most roles I've held, but this has been the worst offense I've encountered. It honestly has me sick with stress and I feel so alone in how to handle it.

For context, I am often the only woman on meetings and regularly have to lead groups of all men. I've done this all throughout my career and have accepted it as a norm. While I have encountered issues in the past, never anything as egregious as what I dealt with the other day. I am often having to verify and source technical information to ensure project items are on track and this requires me to connect with various individuals. When some recent concerns were brought forward for an ongoing project, I was continually given the runaround by this male colleague. Due to days passing and the lack of cohesion for the issue of concern, I attempted to have a group discussion amongst the relevant folks.

This action sent that male colleague into an absolute rage of which I was the target. An action that I have regularly done for months without issue and is a run-of-the-mill thing for communication was misinterpreted by him. Instead he viewed it as an attack and ran to my lead to accuse me of running to higher-ups to assert he isn't doing his work properly; a completely opposite story from what I had done. This male colleague proceeded to yell at me like an abusive ex and is proceeding with excluding me out of important discussions. My lead is also male and due to this male colleague running to him first, he sided with him when I attempted to connect about how I was treated. When talking with both men to explain or try to understand their perspective, I was continually talked over, hushed, and essentially silenced into submission. I was told I am now a risk to team cohesion and that I am causing problems when I have been receiving nothing but praise from all others for my work.

I'm honestly so distraught from this experience and the lack of support from my lead. Each meeting with the male colleague that screamed at me has me on edge and I feel sick when determining how to get the answers I need for my work. Instead I am having to find a way to get placed on another project and the stress of sorting this with my company's HR. My confidence in my capabilities feels wounded and I am filled with anxiety now even when talking about topics I am familiar with. I am struggling to move past this and have the energy to find something better.

For those of you who have experienced similar misogyny in the workplace, how did you overcome incidents like these? How did you stop feeling so broken by how it affected you? I'm so worried about landing another project or job that will have these same issues and I really don't know if I can take being treated by men like this in the professional world anymore. How do you interview or gage a company to determine you won't encounter this again? I am so bitter of continually seeing men have this behavior, yet have been rewarded in their careers by being elevated to positions of authority. Any advice, sharing of wisdom, or any support would be greatly appreciated.