As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!
Mine is canola/rapeseed oil. It's ubiquitous here in the US, but it tastes like old liquid cardboard to me. And it's the most popular cooking spray! What bothers you?
This one's a two parter-
I'm traveling to Portland for the week so I have a bit of a plane ride ahead of me. Recommend me some deep dive hour + YouTube videos I can download for the flight! I tend to drift towards science, technology, psychology, and some hank green esque talking heads about whatever.
Also if you have anything in particular you think I should check out in Portland let me know! Particularly interested in the niche spots. Still a bit tentative stuff but mostly plan to do the Tillamook factory, a tea room, PSU Farmers market, and ten falls hike.
What food and drinks have you been enjoying (or not enjoying) recently? Have you cooked or created anything interesting? Tell us about it!
This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on.
Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just ideas.
If you have any creative projects that you have been working on or want to eventually work on, this is a place for discussing those.
Happy February readers. This month we are reading The Truth by Terry Pratchett. This one focuses on the newspaper business of Ankh Morpork and Pratchett himself had worked as a journalist.
Have you found the book? Have you started? Do you plan to join us this month?
What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?
My G502s are starting to exhibit the dreaded double-click problem. Now they're old -- I think one is around 10yrs old, the other 6-7yrs old -- so I've gotten solid use out of both. And G502s are cheap enough these days (like US$35 on Amazon) that it'd be inexpensive to replace them with new G502s.
But I'm still annoyed that this is happening. Plus, this isn't my first time having problems with Logitech gaming peripherals. I've had issues with my G305 wireless mouse (dongle stopped working), and I will never buy Logitech gaming keyboards again since replacement keycaps can't be purchased; gotta buy a whole new keyboard. So yeah, trying to avoid Logitech if possible.
Anyway, I like the G502 because it has multiple buttons, particularly the main thumb button (G6), which I use for PTT on Discord/Teamspeak. I then use the other two thumb buttons (G4/G5) as forward/back in browsers or game bindings (along with G7/G8).
Any good alternatives? Let's say ≤US$80. Preference is wired, but non-BT wireless is fine, too. If wireless, ideally it'd AA/AAA batteries so I can quickly swap rechargeable batteries. Lastly, I'm right-handed.
TIA!
What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.
If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!
I have a light/fan combo in a bathroom that are controlled with a single switch. I want to control them separately, but running a new wire would require ripping out drywall, which I don't want to do. It is in a guest room, so it can't be controlled with an app, even though I know there are ways to give guest access to certain home automation systems.
The power runs up from the floor, through the switch, and then up to the fan, so I have power at both locations. The wiring for the fan is in the attic, so putting something up there is easy.
What I imagine exists is a remote double relay that can be controlled by 2 physical switches(preferably single gang, but I am prepared to open up the wall a bit to install a double gang box). I would prefer that the relay be powered by 120v, rather than a 12v device that needs a plug somewhere, but its not a total deal breaker.
Anyone have any ideas?
What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?
What have you been playing lately? Discussion about video games and board games are both welcome. Please don't just make a list of titles, give some thoughts about the game(s) as well.
What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.
If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!
Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.
Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.
This is the place for casual discussion about our pets. Photos are welcome, show us your pet(s) and tell us about them!
A new entry to go with my previous two posts in the same vein NYC and Denver, but this time in...
The "Going on a trip and have zero idea what to do as a non-tourist..." isn't entirely true like it was in my post about NYC as anyone that has seen me talk about sumo can imagine, but everyone was extremely helpful and threw out suggestions I wouldn't have even thought about looking for in previous posts. So here I am again to bug you wonderful people for Tildes Travel Guide III: Tokyo Trilogy Part Minus One
The overarching details:
And so I beseech you fellow Tilderinos, as someone that doesn't care about being a tourist and doesn't have a social media presence to feed I'm-here-and-you're-not selfies to, what should someone with nearly a week entirely alone with nothing but free time in Tokyo actually do?
...that's the point.
I know what I like.
I know what I don't like.
I don't know what I don't know about and experimenting and trying new things is paramount to life.
I don't mean this in the sense of "if I have a sex dream that involves my mother, does that mean I am attracted to my mother?", I know that dreams aren't a literal representation of our desires in that sense.
What I mean more is, is there any study or anything that has been done to see if a dream's content indicates anything about what problem the brain is trying to work out?
Like does a dream about sex indicate that a certain lobe in the brain is particularly active at that moment?
Or like I have had negative dreams that cause me to feel anxiety when I wake up that involve my family or where I was in the middle of an ICE raid recently, does that indicate anything in particular about what my brain was doing while I was asleep that caused me to feel anxiety and that happened to manifest as ICE raids?
not sure if this was the right sub for this question.
What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)
Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.
You can make a chart if you use last.fm:
http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/
Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.
I'm really tired of finding groups of people to play D&D (in person), is there any solo/two people campaign that me and I friend can play with?
Please something simple, I have a little more experience playing it but have never DM'd before, but we're both very creative, so I can think we both can still have fun
Aside from live TV and streaming on Peacock, are there any other ways to watch Olympics coverage?
so I need computer speakers that
I've tried looking for it but I am having a damn hard time trying to find something that fits all these.
Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.
Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.
Experiences, past or present? Age, medical, genetic, no reason? Anything worked for you or a waste of time / money ? What works, what doesnt, or just acceptance?
Intended for open discussion for everyone interested
I am currently reading my way thru Ted Chiang's guest column in the New Yorker, about why the predicted AI/Tech Singularity will probably never happen (https://www.newyorker.com/culture/annals-of-inquiry/why-computers-wont-make-themselves-smarter). ETA: I just noticed that article is almost 5 years old; the piece is still relevant, but worth noting.
Good read. Still reading, but so far, I find I disagree with his explicit arguments, but at the same time, he is also brushing up very closely to my own reasoning for why "it" might never happen. Regardless, it is thought-provoking.
But, I had a passing thought during the reading.
People who actually use LLMs like Claude Code to help write software, and/or, who pay close attention to LLMs' coding capabilities ... has anyone actually started experimenting with asking Claude Code or other LLMs that are designed for programming, to look at their own source code and help to improve it?
In other words, are we (the humans) already starting to use LLMs to improve their code faster than we humans alone could do?
Wouldn't this be the actual start of the predicted "intelligence explosion"?
Edit to add: To clarify, I am not (necessarily) suggesting that LLMs -- this particular round of AI -- will actually advance to become some kind of true supra-human AGI ... I am only suggesting that they may be the first real tool we've built (beyond Moore's Law itself) that might legitimately speed up the rate at which we approach the Singularity (whatever that ends up meaning).
Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like nuclear power, animalist and pivot. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was perplexed.
But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!
As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!
Preemtively this is not about Linux but it does serve as a basic example of a low effort, low cost switch that I personally consider ultimately beneficial long term. Not even necessarily for itself but how it captures the pre Windows 10 mindset of sw being the tool for the user.
The old joke of in Russia the television watches you is relevant here. On multiple levels.
Other and an even easier thing to do would be to switch from Chrome to Firefox as an unideal alternative still but with less default problems and better options to possibly switch to later.
These are only examples and are not important by themselves. What is important, is how these attitudes enable ever less effort and attention to be placed on the end user in mainstream sw.
A lot of the time whenever there is any mention of switching to Linux there is a lot of talk about how you cannot expect normal people to want to follow even the basic steps and possible but unlikely troubleshooting needed to get it to work. Where society is concerned opinion is reality. The sw and hw are magic black boxes that cannot be understood so the consensus is to avoid trying to understand even the superficial basics that would be considered trivial even a decade before.
Neither it is likely to change closer to the ideal of just working than it already is without further adoption. It is not a problem of Linux but of insufficient support by third parties creating edge cases.
I admit that it is unlikely this changes. There is no societal acceptance for it and arguably more important for the individual topics of financial literacy, basic involvement in governance or medical awareness have abysmally low knowledge levels generally.
Voting is the most basic, least effort way to have some effect and yet two thirds turn out is usually considered large.
I happened across Veronica Roth's blog post via GoodReads about a book tour for her upcoming book Seek the Traitor's Son. She'll be visiting various places around the US and UK. I can't say I've ever really thought about going to a book signing or a book tour, but recently I've been thinking it would be a nice change of pace to go to an event like this and support an author or other creative this way. Roth is not first on my list, but it did get me thinking about how to find other events and hopefully get my hands on some cool merch as well.
Do you know of any creatives (but mostly authors, since this is ~books) who are doing tours this year? How do you keep informed about dates of book tours and festivals?
I've grown increasingly unsure about if I'll stay with this profession long term thanks to the AI "revolution". Not because I think I'll be replaced, I have an extremely wide set of skills thanks to working over a decade in small startups so I think I'm safe for a long while to come.
No, I've grown weary because an increasingly larger share of the code that we produce is expected to be ai generated and with it shorter timelines and I just plain don't like it. I think we reached a tipping point around Claude opus 4.5 where it really is capable and that's only going to continue to get better. But damnit I like coding, I enjoy the problem solving and I feel that's getting stripped away from me basically overnight. Also, as these models become more and more capable I think the number of companies vibe coding to a product with fields of junior level engineers is going to grow which is going to push down senior job opportunities and wages.
So now I'm left wondering if it's time to start pointing towards a new career. I really love building stuff and solving problems so maybe I go back to school and switch to some other flavor of engineering? Idk. Curious where other's heads are at with this.
Every year my friend group and I have a long weekend meetup where we rent a house and communally nerd out with each other. Lots of tabletop gaming; plenty of Magic matches; handheld consoles everywhere; etc.
I always bring my Steam Link so people can cast their Decks to the TV, and I'm looking for recommendations for games that would be good for hotseat play where people can pass around a Deck and each play a little bit of. (So, specifically single player games rather than multiplayer games.)
In past years Peggle and Peglin have been big hits with the group. They're immediately pick-uppable even by people who don't play a lot of videogames (of which there are a few in our group). They're also eminently entertaining to watch because it's easy to tell what's going on.
I'm looking for other games that would fit the bill: casual, simple, fun, easy to hand off to others, relatively quick intervals between players. If you have any recommendations, let me know!
Dear Tildes Team:
I've been a long-time Reddit user, but lately it's been feeling more
and more like Facebook. Suggested posts, hidden comments, and the
subreddits I actually subscribe to are buried under irrelevant
algo-suggested junk. The concept of Reddit is great, but its execution
is done by a public corporation nowadays and its enshittification has
been notable.
I've been looking for a simpler, less commercialized place:
chronological, user-curated feeds, thoughtful discussions as opposed
to endless low-effort memes, and in general, absence of corporate
nonsense to push engagement metrics and ads.
Tildes seems to fit the bill. I like its focus on quality over
quantity, clean and simple interface, and eemphasis on real
conversations. It seems it's the kind of place I'd actually enjoy
spending time on again.
I'd really appreciate an invite if there's any room. I am also ready
to answer any questions or provide whatever info you need.
Thanks for keeping a corner of the internet sane.
Best Regards,
I'm currently running Kubuntu in VMware on a Windows 11 host. I was on Windows 10 but was getting lots of display/graphical issues after pulling my desktop out of storage and I didn't qualify for extended support updates and just felt like I needed to eliminate all driver and software issues by reinstalling OS clean. At that point I figured I might as well go to Win 11, so I used rufus and did a clean install without a Microsoft account.
I feel like I need Windows for gaming, even with Proton compatibility on Linux I still expect I'd have some issues with some games and my desktop is my primary gaming system so I just want something that works. But like many others I don't like the direction Microsoft has gone with Windows so I'd really like to adapt to using Linux otherwise. I considered dual booting but I did have an issue with my system where the motherboard had 30+ second long boot times. Like it had nothing to do with my SSD or OS install, the Asus AM4 TUF x570-Plus motherboard boot time was just excessively long and seems other people reported that as well and there was no UEFI/bios update that fixed it. So I really didn't want to dual boot and wait 30+ seconds switching between OSes, that's just not fluid enough for how I wanted to use them. I really want the Windows install to just be gaming only basically or anything I can't get working in Linux.
So that's how I arrived to running Kubuntu in VMware Workstation Pro. I tried Hyper-V first but had issues and bailed on it. Initially I had audio issues with it in VMware but I found a reddit post that linked to the fix, prior to that, ChatGPT was happy to lead me down rabbit holes to nowhere. I do have a few browser issues with video playback, tried in Vivaldi and Firefox, video and audio are in sync but video is choppy and can't keep up with fast motion. It's otherwise acceptable for basic video playback so it's not really a huge issue for me. I tried playing videos in VLC and did not experience any issues so it is capable of smooth video playback in some circumstances on this setup. I have my own Plex server installed on another system but the Plex Linux application just won't work for me, at best it would produce choppy video if I installed from snap but the flatpak install just won't play anything back properly.
The other thing I couldn't quite resolve but mostly resolved is that in my Win 11 host, I have resolution set at 2560x1440 but I can't get that option in my Kubuntu VM. I currently have it as 2048x1152 which is as close as I can get while keeping 16:9 ratio. It will offer resolution options above my host system but not 16:9. I then stretch this to fill screen and run it in exclusive mode so it's basically like my primary desktop interface, but it would be nice if the resolution was better as I can tell it's slightly stretched, text isn't as crisp as it should be.
I will say, I'm quite impressed with how far Linux has come from when I last tried it as a daily driver 10-15 years ago. I added flathub as part of the app discovery repository so I can get many applications through that. I've had a few that I couldn't, scrcpy was outdated there so I had to follow some command line copy/paste script to install that and Vivaldi wasn't available either. Vivaldi did have a .deb file which I guess works like an .exe in Windows, because I just had to click to install, so that's nice. I still think I had to run something to add Vivaldi to app repository so it would keep it updated if I understand how that worked anyhow.
The Kubuntu VM does seem to destabilize quite a bit over time, it's already locked up on me a couple times, but I think it could be a RAM issue, so I've dedicated 12GB of RAM to it right now (it was at 8GB before). If it continues to happen then I guess that reinforces I'm doing something wrong or need to go in a different direction.
I've noticed my boot times have improved, I don't know when this happened, but now the boot times are about 15-20 seconds (I check the BIOS boot time in Startup tab on Windows task manager, but I've timed it and it matches actual time). Still seems kinda long to me but maybe it's fast enough to dual boot now, not sure.
I guess before I commit to anything too heavily, I was curious if what I'm doing now is not very wise or if there's something better I should try. With my bios boot time where it is now, I'd possibly consider dual booting as then I could probably just set up games that work in Linux. At that point, I wonder if I could/should use SteamOS or stick with Kubuntu or something else? Is SteamOS capable of being used as a daily driver OS or is it better just to use for gaming machines?
Also my PC specs are
Asus AM4 TUF x570-Plus motherboard
AMD Ryzen 5 3600 6-Core Processor
32GB RAM
AMD RX-580 8GB
What are you reading currently? Fiction or non-fiction or poetry, any genre, any language! Tell us what you're reading, and talk about it a bit.
My keyboard is breathing its last, and my mouse probably isn't far behind, so I plan to replace them. I have a K70 (cherry MX) and some expensive light-up mouse.
When I bought these ~10 years ago, it seemed a truth universally acknowledged that a person who used their desktop computer "seriously" for, oh, video games, must be in want of wired peripherals—and never wireless. Supposedly wireless latency was unbearable and device batteries died quickly.
Is this still true? (Was it ever?)
If not, I'd like to try a wireless mouse and keyboard. Cable management is a hassle. My AirPods have been excellent and I don't miss the tangles of old, so I imagine I wouldn't miss these either.
My computer is a workstation which I use for documents, spreadsheets, and video conferencing. Even as a relatively fast typer, I can't imagine wireless latency would exceed the speed between keystrokes. I occasionally play co-op video games games with friends, but nothing intense.
Is there some other drawback I'm missing?
I just remembered this site from a few years back, maybe during Covid times? Clearly at some point the decision to delete my account history was made...
The state of the internet now makes me so deeply anxious. Scrolling Instagram makes my head feel like sludge. I stopped using reddit about 7 years ago. Never really found my crowd on IRC. So back here I am, hoping to find some signal in the noise and to calm my mind.
Has anything changed much here? What should I check out?
Any habit, related to any area of health. What is the habit? How has it helped you? How easy/difficult has it been to keep up?
What's something you grew out of/moved on from/phased out?
How do you feel about it now? Fondness? Embarassment? A nostalgic ache?
Why did you end up moving on from it?
Was it a conscious decision, or was it something that happened over time?
This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?
What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?
No games played this week and we're all jut waiting for the Super Bowl. So let's just have a free talk about anything football, super bowl, half-time show, etc.
What have you tried lately that hasn't quite worked out? Small things like hobbies gone wrong, or social experiences that were slightly awkward.
Sometimes it can be cathartic to both get these things off your chest and to hear what others have struggled with as a reminder that no one is perfect.
Hello Tildes travelers,
I'm sure questions like this get asked often, but I'm having a hard time cutting through the SEO spam and AI BS about travel and feeling a bit overwhelmed at the options.
I digress, as the title states, my wife and I are heading to California in early June for a wedding in the bay area. Neither of us have been to California and wanted to make a big trip out of it, roughly eight-ish days with two being dedicated to wedding activities. We both are from the Midwest and really want to see what California has to offer. Ideally we would love some help with making an itinerary of things to do and places to see since its such a big state and with so much to do. A Few things we'd love to try and do: see Palm Springs (wife is an architect), explore LA, drive the coast, explore the bay area and finally see some giant sequoia trees. It sounds like a lot so I'm not sure how that all might shake out, or even if its possible in the given time frame. Which is why I am appealing to you all for some help.
Roughly, and I mean roughly our plan is this:
Does this seem doable? Is this stupid? Any thing you would change? Really we don't have anything done yet minus the RSVP and the dates specifically. I'm not looking for anything crazy specific, minute by minute to hour by hour. That is asking a lot for a random internet stranger but any help would be really appreciated.
First, let me just say that I'm tech savvy, but I'm self taught for the most part. I never studied cybersecurity or network security. I know the basics, but not the nitty-gritty.
I used to host my own Anytype Server (note taking app) on my raspberry pi. To do this, the documentation says that I need to open two ports, one TCP and another UDP. So that's what I did, and had it set up this way for a while now.
Yesterday though, my raspberry's microSD died. So while I wait for the new one to arrive, I'm taking the chance to review my home network settings.
I closed off a third port that I had for my synology server (for the OpenVPN). I am now using Wireguard (with Tailscale) which doesn't require opening ports. And since my raspberry is offline, I also turned off the other two ports (as of now, I have none opened)
So here's the thing: I remember from my searching that a lot of people are strongly averse to opening ports. Iirc, the basic idea is that if a bad actor knows my home IP and which ports are open, they can enter. So, in theory, a hacker could potentially infiltrate my raspberry pi - and from there potentially wreak havoc in my other devices.
So my questions are:
1- Is it really like that? Could a hacker gain unlimited access to my raspberry via an opened port?
2- If yes, is there something that I can do to strengthen my raspberry pi security?
3- Am I being overly paranoid by worrying about this, even if it’s theoretically possible?
When I mean underrated I mean underrated. Few self-imposed rules on this: no movies that had big award nominations and no movies that have above a 60% on RT.
Directed by David O. Russell, this movie never had a chance. Post-metoo O. Russell is persona non grata. However, this film continue his trajectory that he had with the Jennifer Lawrence trilogy (Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, and Joy). Which analyze American perseverance in the face of hopelessness.
The main characters here played by Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, and John David Washington are all a found family of outsiders who don’t fit anywhere else but with each other.
The film was savaged by film critics, earning a 31% on RottenTomatoes. In spite of film critics having their knives out for O. Russell, it is one of the most prescient films of the decade about the rise of fascism in the U.S. And contains perhaps the best performance of Margot Robbie’s career.
Originally scheduled for release in 2018 by Amazon, as part of their now rescinded deal with Woody Allen, the film was shelved for close to two years before becoming widely available during the pandemic.
The last Hollywood film Allen ever made stars Timothee Chalamet, Selena Gomez, Elle Fanning, Jude Law, Liev Schreiber, and Diego Luna.
Once again, in a post-Metoo landscape, the film received a 47% on RottenTomatoes. One imagines that if this released prior to 2017 it would receive similar positive notices to Allen’s first Amazon film Cafe Society.
The film plays sweet and comforting, like much of Allen’s work. Chalamet makes an excellent Woody replacement (makes you wonder how many films they would have done together under different circumstances). And the chemistry between Chalamet and Gomez is wonderful, it is also probably the best performance Gomez will ever give.
On the topic of vengeful film critics, Peter Farrelly’s follow up to his Best Picture winner Green Book received a 43% on RottenTomatoes. Critics were not-so-subtlety punishing Farrelly for beating the critical darling Roma for the industry’s top prize.
It’s a beautifully shot Vietnam war drama with an incredibly layered and empathetic performance from Zac Efron. It blends comedy and drama much like its predecessor Jojo Rabbit. It’s never boring and gets criticized for “insensitivity” for whatever reason.
Likely to be Clint Eastwood’s final lead performance, Cry Macho received a 57% on RottenTomatoes.
The film sees Eastwood do what he does best. Deconstruct masculinity through the lens of Americana, with the added element of the impending death that comes with old age.
The type of crowd-pleaser Eastwood specialized in and which was broadly better received thirty years ago.
A bizarre follow up to the near shot for shot remake that was The Stranger: Chapter One. The film throws you off completely from any expectations you might have had for a horror sequel.
The lowest rated of these films at 15% on RT, it’s an energetic chase film that doesn’t let down and somehow tries to also be The Revenant. Gonzo choices are made here that somehow work as pure entertainment. And it’s anchored by a genuinely good performance by Madeline Petsch. It will be a cult classic with horror fans in a few years.
What food and drinks have you been enjoying (or not enjoying) recently? Have you cooked or created anything interesting? Tell us about it!
What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)
Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.
You can make a chart if you use last.fm:
http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/
Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.
What projects would you think would interest my daughters the most? The oldest is 11 years, super creative and builds the most intricate stuff out of plain paper, tape and cardboard. I have learned programming from about her age, but feel like software would not catch her attention the same way hardware would. They already experiment with programming and microbits in school (what a truly lucky generation!!!).
I am looking for stuff that is not too complicated/expensive that it will just collect dust on a shelf because it took a lot of time to build. Specifically I would like to try something that could be dismantled and reused for other projects. Maybe a barcode scanner or something that has a connection with real life applications.
Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like alex pretti, anti ice and youtubers. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was bemused.
But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!
Warning at the outset: This is mostly an unstructured rant, so no claims are made as to coherency or clarity. I am as much trying to get things off my chest as I am asking for advice.
I met my fiancée (let's call her B—) almost two years ago, and we connected immediately. Our values align closely, we have a lot of common experiences (having kids young; growing up as a middle child in a middle class family; both having come to queerness late in life being chief among them), and we were both absolutely dedicated to being silly and carefree with each other. B— calls it the "yes and," and it's something we're quite good at generally. I moved into B—'s place about 8 months after meeting, and 4 months after that we were engaged. We're due to be married in May this year. In general, it's been pretty smooth sailing, but the past four months or so have been increasingly stressful, and are making me feel like the relationship is falling apart.
Our jobs. Neither of us is particularly happy with the job that we each have. Mine is a nightmare of micromanagement and having every minute of my time tracked, with cryptic expectations, and labyrinthine processes to follow with exacting precision. B—'s is a charity job where she is required to do all sorts of tasks over and above her actual job description, including (but not limited to) dealing with her colleagues' tech support issues, despite the organisation having IT support, and B— not actually being an IT person; and constructing a whole-ass database for the team to use instead of paper records. We are both underpaid, and thoroughly overworked. The job market sucks, and it's increasingly difficult to find the energy to apply for a new position anyway.
Our children. We have three kids from former relationships(14F, 12NB, 8F), all of whom are pretty definitively on the neurodivergent spectrum (as are we). 12 is the only one with any formal diagnoses (AuDHD), and the two girls are distinctly autistic, though with very different presentations. We adore our children, but we are also exhausted by them. The list of acceptable foods that they'll eat is such that I can't go a week without repeating a meal. We can't leave 12 alone with 8 otherwise they'll fight. 14 has absolutely no filter, and just wants to chat constantly, but refuses to do it with her (step-) siblings. All three of them are completely obsessed with video games or screentime in general, but cannot ever agree on anything to do together, so they will all just sit on their own devices. And when they've reached their screentime limit for the day, they all become listless and have apparently zero idea of how to entertain themselves without one or both parents coming up with something to do. Getting them all into bed takes at least two hours every night, no matter what we try to do. The children's respective co-parents are dreadfully difficult to work with, to cap it all off, and most of the actual parenting is falling to us.
Our house. We live in a three-bedroom house that B— bought her former partner out of when their relationship ended. It is not large enough for the size of family that we have. There is too much stuff in the house, and never enough time to actually sort it out. Every room is a dump, beyond full to bursting with stuff. There isn't a single surface that doesn't require decluttering to be able to actually use, including the parts of the kitchen where we eat, or make food. I won't pretend that I'm completely innocent of contributing to this, but as the person in the house with the fewest possessions, I am far from the worst offender. The children all just drop whatever they're playing with wherever they stand. B— amasses new knitting/crochet projects like they're going out of fashion, but has yet to finish more than three in the time that I've known her. There is not a single place I can go in the house that I can feel peaceful in, because every room presents a massive list of chores wherever I look.
Our car. We bought a seven-seater vehicle in July last year, and to say it has been a comedy of errors ever since is putting it mildly. The TL;DR of this particular saga is that we did not check the reputation of the place we bought from thoroughly enough, and we spent £8000 on a lemon. The car has been in and out of various garages for months, rendering us a one-car house (with all the additional stress that causes), and is looking like it will cost at least half as much as we paid in the first place to get it fixed up. The place we bought from has declared bankruptcy and stopped trading last week, so there is absolutely no chance of recouping any of our loss here. Money is tight enough already, and we are now faced with paying an enormous sum to repair the car, or to scrap it and get a new one. Neither option is palatable, since we took out a loan to buy it, and we will be stuck paying that off for the next 4 years.
Our wedding. We opted for a smaller-scale, pseudo-elopement to Scotland, where it's legal to get married outdoors — something we both had on our wishlist. This is a small ceremony with our children, parents, and a witness each. We are also having a not-a-reception party the week after, closer to home and with a larger number of people as a celebration of the marriage. We have mostly arranged the Scotland portion now, payments notwithstanding. But the party portion is almost completely unplanned, and it's looking like we won't be able to afford it anyway, depending how the car situation pans out. Both sides of our family are coming to us with demands and requests to accommodate their own schedules and wants for the wedding, and it's feeling less and less like we have any say in the matter whatsoever.
Our finances. Our budget feels very tight. The cost of just being alive (let alone having three children) is skyrocketing, and our salaries are not keeping pace. We are squeaking through each month, but that is fully paycheque to paycheque and if either one of us loses our job we will be utterly fucked. We've blown through most of our savings, and each have a credit card and a loan that we're in the process of paying off to the tune of about £10k between us. When there are no surprises, things feel stable and secure, but the moment we have an unexpected expense (such as having to get the roof repaired last year), we burn through all of our savings and are right back at square one. There's barely ever any headroom or safety net. Both of us keep saying this will be sorted when we get better jobs, but neither of us seems likely to get one any time soon.
Both B— and I are in some way neurodivergent, though neither of us has a formal diagnosis. She has all the classic symptoms of ADHD, and I am very confident that I am autistic. Our needs often feel diametrically opposed, and it's putting a massive strain on the relationship. Our house is in constant disarray, and B— apportions this chaos to "just part of having kids" and "and inevitable cycle," while leaving out the fact that she does little and less to actually contribute to the smooth running of the place. The only time she will make a meal is if I'm not actually present to do so. And her capacity for cleaning up is to do approximately half a chore every few days. Meanwhile I am tasked with doing all of the cooking and meal-planning for everyone, all of the shopping to fill the cupboards, and all of the cleaning after every mealtime to ensure that there is a clean and tidy enough kitchen for the next one. B— is so consumed by stress and shame that she becomes immediately paralysed by the prospect of any task that is not for her own specific edification. I feel like I am waging a lone war against a building that is not fit for purpose, against combatants who will with absurd immediacy undo any progress I actually make.
And I think that stress and shame is one of the core problems. We both feel it, and we both handle it in unhealthy ways. My habit is to take on the lion's share of the responsibility with a view to keeping the peace, and while sublimating my own need for rest, recuperation, and solitude. B— on the other hand will meet anything that could be construed as criticism by completely shutting down and refusing to engage with any discussion. Case in point, last night in a conversation where we were trying to figure out how best to repair our relationship, I made the point that I feel unsupported in doing the housework on top of parenting and my job, and she said "fine," and immediately stalked off. Nothing was discussed. No strategies for how to find an equitable solution. Just an immediate termination of the conversation, after I had already let her talk about my own failings vis-a-vis prioritising togetherness, and accepted that I need to take steps to change my behaviour. We haven't spoken a word since, and likely won't until there is a blow-up argument about it at some stage this weekend (a familiar pattern). These conversations can and do go fine, so long as B— is able to externalise the fault: it's work, it's Christmas, it's the car, it's the wedding, it's the kids, etc. If I say anything that challenges this and suggests that her own actions are making me feel dismissed or unloved (and I am always very clear in my use of "when you do __, I feel __" language) then the conversation just stops dead.
We are both stressed up to the eyeballs, and both recognise that we're dropping the ball in terms of keeping our relationship healthy and maintained. We described it last night as "dropping the spinning plate that is our relationship." At this stage, it simply feels like we are diametrically opposed in how we want to pick the plate back up. The time we have to simply be a couple is very limited by our being parents. Invariably it's after 21:00 that the children are abed, and we can squeak out some time for ourselves. But lately this time after the kids are in bed is compressed dramatically by having to do chores that went ignored from before bedtime, or a lengthy discussion over the current thing that is at the forefront of our minds that we are stressing about. B— in particular really feels the need to get into a topic, and what feels like it should be a brief discussion over "what's the plan with the car" turns into a 90-minute epic with B—'s anxieties tumbling out one by one.
And I am struggling to meet those anxieties with patience and love, because the way these conversations are phrased is such that the only way that B— can not feel anxious is for her to have her own way. Which makes me feel less like a romantic partner and soon-to-be wife, and more a subordinate being asked to get on board with whatever the management team have decided. I want her to feel safe and like she can express what she's going through, but it is completely endless. One anxiety begets another, and before we know it it's 23:00 and we either have to get ready for bed ourselves, or else push through beyond midnight to gain any semblance of downtime. I love her so much, but at the moment it feels like so much of the relationship (as well as my own actions) is being driven forward by her anxieties and stresses about any given thing. I feel like I am buckling under the weight of all B—'s worries and stresses, and the accommodations that need to be made. She feels paralysed by all of the stressors we have in our lives, and so these stressors compound because she gets "stuck" and cannot do anything about them. Dishes pile up. The laundry basket overflows. Surfaces become cluttered. The children need feeding. At every turn there is another responsibility that it feels like B— is heaping onto me because she is so exhausted by constantly living in her anxiety and stress that she is rendered unable to do much beyond doomscroll on her phone. Meanwhile I am operating with the assumption that the only way out of the stress is to actually deal with the thing that's stressing me out: tidy up, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, plan the week's meals, have the conversation. But at each turn I am the one left to do the job. And I had better do it cheerfully and with a smile on my face, because B— experiences another shame spiral if she perceives someone to be cleaning around her in a bad mood.
I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this relationship is sustainable in the long-term without some serious outside help. I don't know if we can afford that help. I don't know if I can continue to operate in this cycle of stress-paralysis without losing some sense of who I am. I don't know if B— still loves me. I just want to go back to when this felt easy. Our bedroom is all but dead. We don't "yes and" any more. The honeymoon period ended a long time ago, and I'm afraid that what we're left with is just an unhealthily attached relationship where neither of us feels able to lean on the other or to communicate our needs in a safe way. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her and my step-children. We feel completely stuck in this rut, and I don't know the way out. I feel like I can't come to B— with problems, because she won't engage with them if there is any onus on her to work on herself. I miss the woman I asked to marry me.
Update: 03/02/26 (DD/MM/YY)
Thanks for all the replies everyone, it's been very helpful to read so much support! If I haven't replied to you directly, know that it's not out of anything other than mild overwhelm and feeling like I couldn't do justice to each of your comments.
B— and I hashed some stuff out on Friday, and it got heated. We argued for most of the evening and into Saturday morning, but we've taken some steps to try and reduce our stress load and take some time to work on ourselves:
So all in all, things are shifting in a more positive direction. I don't think I'm naïve enough to consider our problems solved; life has a way of finding new ones. But it does feel like we're mostly out of a very dark patch. There's work to do, both on ourselves, and in our lives. But I'm an insufferable optimist, as B— would say, and I think now that some of the fog of stress has cleared we're in a much stronger position to deal with what comes our way.
I've made an effort to read some more poems this year and always enjoy finding out any more when I can. In the UK you can find anthologies of "The Nation's Favourite Poems" and "The Nation's Favourite Comic Poems" et alia by the BBC, which is where I've learnt most of my new ones this year. It'd be great to see what poems have left an impression on you this year.
For brevity, I'll put a short one here and then two longer ones I discovered this year down in the comments.
Two Cures for Love - Wendy Cope
Don’t see him. Don’t phone or write a letter.
The easy way: get to know him better.