I grew up an angsty rural white kid in the 2000s, and as such listened to my fair share of post-grunge/nu-metal/emo bands. Stuff like Seether, Staind, Korn, MCR, Nine inch Nails, Disturbed or Breaking Benjamin Sometime around 14 my musical taste shifted away from that and towards alt/indie/folk (not so coincidentally around the same time I got my first girlfriend and a solid group of friends). From there I've expanded to listening to pretty much every major genre, but the one subsection of music I've never been able to get back into is the aforementioned stuff. Whenever I listen to it I feel like it takes me back to my early tween/teen years and just puts me in a very bad mood. I know I used to really enjoy all of that but I feel like the period of time when I listened to it has been like permanently fused with the music itself and I can't enjoy it any more because of that.

Which is also weird because I had a very bad few years circa 2015-2019 and I was listening to the mopiest sad boy albums and post rock stuff but I've been able to come back around and enjoy them again without feeling like they're tainted by when I predominantly found and liked them, which was objectively a "worse" period of my life.

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Just wanted to put this out there as a little PSA in case it's helpful: if you want a cloud server but don't wanna pay anything, Oracle's Free Tier is a life saver. Discovered it a year ago and couldn't be happier I did, since I'd never pay for cloud computing otherwise 😭.

Quick Specs:

For free you get:

• 24/7 uptime
• 200gb of storage space
• 24GB of RAM
• 4 OCPUs
• 4 Gbps Bandwidth

That's been more than enough for me and honestly feels too good to be true. Some things I've done with this:

• Minecraft Server
• Radarr/Sonarr Plex Setup
• I'd like to make my own backup solution as well!

If anyone has any other ideas for cool projects I could self host, please do tell I'm curious what else I could do :)

Here's a nice website for comparing between a lot of different computational notebooks, such as Jupyter, Google Colab, and Observable. (And popularized by Mathematica, though spreadsheets sort of count.)

I'm wondering what computational notebook software other people have used and how you like it? I will make top-level posts for some that I used.

Hi everyone, I'm struggling with contact management and was wondering if anyone could recommend some good solutions. My Google Contacts and iOS contact management has become unmanageable and I personally find them very awkward to use.

Historically, I've found the most interesting AMA's came from seemingly "ordinary" people. (touchmyfuckingcoffee's vacuum AMA's come to mind!) I think that most everyone has one or two life experiences, points of view, or specialized knowledge that would be fun to share or fun to learn about.

I've toyed with the idea of hosting an AMA for awhile, but I've been afraid that maybe I wasn't "interesting" enough. Then, I realized that others might be in the same position! So instead of hosting my own AMA, I wanted to make space for a collective "Low-Risk" AMA, that I think would work especially well with Tildes' philosophy and format.

With that preamble, I'm wondering if you would like to join me in an experiment? Let's make mini-AMA's out of top-level comments, with the Q's and A's as child comments.

Edit: Wow! I wasn't expecting this thread to have so much staying power! Love all the conversations that are being had. FYI The early posters including myself are still answering questions, so don't be shy!

Tale as old as time, I suppose. Straight man doesn't understand women. I'm hoping this site will provide a healthy place to discuss my feelings and get wholesome input from others without it turning into a pity party or cesspool.

I didn't have any interest in dating until after I'd graduated college. Unfortunately, I immediately moved to an area of the country notorious for its unfavorable gender ratio. There are many more men than women here which means I'm starting on hard mode. I do at least have some traits which make things easier than for most. I am high earning, reasonably fit (not super cut but I work out most days), tall and I believe mentally healthy. However I can tell that my approach doesn't really catch with most people.

I've had limited success out here. Some of my failures are mine to own. Getting started from nothing means I'm venturing into the unknown. I'm a naturally anxious person and never felt any intuition in social situations. Thankfully I've managed to figure out a way of being that jives with some people and learned the hard way the things I do that don't jive so well. But dating seems to have its own social rules - and they're harder to learn due to all of the misinformation.

To sort out a lot of the misinformation I look to the people I see with the greatest degree of success. The older couples that are clearly deeply happy. My parents do pretty well in that regard. They've been married for 30-ish years with nothing more than a short argument between them. Or maybe I'll talk with an older co-worker who loves his wife the same way he did decades ago. People say that all happy families are the same, and unhappy families each broken in their own way. It's clear that there are some things in common with the happy couples - a universal recipe for happiness and success.

• Forgiveness
• Consistent effort
• Flexibility
• Similar values

I try to take these virtues with me when dating.

Of course, mutual attraction is a black box and also plays an important role. I've tried dating women that are just outside of what I would consider attractive. I think it's important to know what truly is important to me. But I found that things did not feel right and I can't compromise in that way. I'm not looking for a 10. But if I know they are not attractive to me it won't work.

In the normal world (outside of online dating) I think the odds of a random person being instantly notably attractive are very low. Someone needs to be sufficiently aesthetically attractive, but also have the right mind and soul. Without the latter two I have no interest. So for me when I've met a nice woman from a dating app the process of learning more about this person begins - and it can take a while to truly get to know someone. But I draw on the virtue of effort and am more than willing to make that an active process as we get closer.

There are actually some people out there that this all seems to align with. I think it's mostly a matter of time before I find the right person - so I'm not entirely discouraged. But the vast majority of women I meet seem to have the same feedback. They don't feel a connection - maybe that translates to "they're not attracted enough to me", maybe it's something else. But what I call a "connection" is something that can't be absolutely determined after one date.

Given my profile pictures are representative of my appearance, I don't think they're all saying I'm aesthetically unattractive to them. Sure, some might decide after meeting me that they aren't as attracted in person. I experience that for myself some of the time. But I suspect that much of the time this is more of a mismatched approach. I really want to know either how better to find my kind of person, or what ways I can adapt to be flexible for the women I'm dating.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your thoughts!

A lot of people said a lot of things, many of which sounds right to me but only a few I think are applicable as next steps.

1. My own reflection leads me to believe that being more present and less analytical will make dates more enjoyable and productive for both people.
2. Keeping a very long term goal in mind cripples the dynamic of early dating. It requires future prediction abilities beyond what a human can do.
3. I don't know if I can be the "fun guy" all the time but I can definitely increase the amount of fun.

I wrote up a journal entry about what I wrote here and everyone's responses. I'll bring up my thoughts with my therapist later. Maybe this is weird but I threw the journal entry into ChatGPT. If nothing else it was positive and cheerful, which is helpful. But I was able to drill down on a few different things and got answers that sound reasonable. This is surely a common enough topic that it's got good training data for it.

I'd also like to say, for whoever reads my comments, that much of what I wrote is more about following a thought as far as it will go more so than putting my internal constitution into writing. I'm here to be as malleable as I need to be.

This was originally made just for personal use, but I decided to clean it up and share it.

• Should support all built-in themes (Themes other than Dracula were afterthoughts and might not be as polished. Especially light themes)
• All changes are toggle-able

Changes

• Configurable font size
• Remove sidebar background
  • Make the sidebar primary button clear (border only)
• Add a border to the "main" element
• Add extra spacing to various elements
  • Remove the alternating background from thread colors
• Remove comment borders
  • Add depth indicators (dotted left border for children only)
  • Add comment backgrounds (to separate comments without borders)
• Hide votes (disabled by default)

Installation

• Install a custom style plugin of your choosing that supports UserCSS and the Stylus preprocessor.
  • I used Stylus while making this (Firefox, Google Chromium)
• Click this link:
  • https://codeberg.org/admicos/snip/raw/branch/main/usercss/tildes.net/tilweaks.user.styl

Configuration under Stylus

1. Open the extension popup in when in tildes.net
2. Click the cog next to Tilweaks
3. Edit to your liking

I have cptsd and comorbid-depression, am gay and trans, and i have bad social skills (i cant even maintain eye contact with someone). I feel completely hopeless for the future and i just wanted to know if anyone else here related, or if they've recovered. Thanks
Edit: Thank you all very much for the great responses. Maybe i'll make it :)

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.