I'm a newly retired 60-year-old, with a 76-year-old spouse. This is really hard sometimes!

I'm trying to stay active in my non-profit, non-commercial endeavors, but I'm finding myself with more time on my hands than I know what to do with.

How you doing?

I'm writing this post in the spirit of the powerful conversations that I had participated in on reddit in /r/adhd. I'm giving up reddit, after this recent fiasco. And, so, I hope to find a similar community here.

And, so, here we go.

I recently quit my job in Big Tech after 7 years in that space. Corporate America, and Big Tech in particular (among other fields) is a human meat grinder. Humans go in and husks come out. After taking a medical leave of absence from work due to complications from anxiety, and multiple medical interventions, I realized that I needed to evaluate whether my job, even my career, was sustainable for me. It only took a few weeks, after returning to work, to accept that, yes, this job and perhaps this career are actively harming me. After talking about it with my wife, at length, I found relief in quitting.

At the core of it: my career has simply been incongruent with my values.

Sure, I've always been a nerd. I was the "brainy" kid. I didn't know how to people well (though I'm told that I'm not on the spectrum or not in any meaningful way). I'd always been overweight and prone to stress. Throughout my life, I was often labeled as the "sensitive" one by people. I rarely felt as though I fit in with any group of people, save perhaps for the other misfits who would band together because they didn't with in with any group of people.

Just before the pandemic began, at the tender age of 47, I was diagnosed with ADHD Combined type. More recently, I was diagnosed with C-PTSD, that I have likely suffered for 40 of my 50 years.

Now I know where that weight comes from: self-medication to give me a dopamine hit and numb me to layers of trauma. I also know where the emotional reactivity comes from: emotional flashbacks resulting from the C-PTSD.

1. Lexapro for well over a decade. It helped to blunt the lows but, I've found, also the highs. I rarely feel poignancy with Lexapro. When I have occasionally been able to ween from it, I have felt a far greater range of emotions.
2. I've had an excellent therapist for going on 8 years who practices ISTDP. He's helped me learn to show up for my more challenging emotions instead of instantly reaching to numb them.
3. Adderall and Vyvanse both used to help until I received a stellate ganglion block (Disclaimer: I have been a client of Dr Mulvaney's practice though I link to it as his explanation is excellent; I'd make this a footnote alas tildes doesn't support that extension for markdown)
4. Ketamine (prescribed) to better address the depression and anxiety. Ketamine, as a psychedelic, combined with the skills learned in therapy has let me dig deeper into my layers of trauma, leading to better overall mental health and better self-understanding.
5. Stellate Ganglion Block mentioned above. Short version: it reduced my seemingly PTSD-driven emotional reactivity to about 10% of what it was prior to the SGB. It's like getting a new nervous system. Unexpected side effect: medications that act on my nervous system now respond differently. As a result, stimulants are now extremely uncomfortable for me whereas before they were effective. Before the SGB, I would say that fear was my primary emotion. Now, I feel things.

I know: I'm privileged. I'm an "old white dude who profited from being in Tech". Yep. True. But I can't retire yet; we don't have that kind of money. We do, however, have enough such that I have the luxury of time to figure out my next steps.

What I have right now is the plan to make a plan. The core of it: live a life congruent with my values--not just at some far off retirement but here, now.

At first, step 1 was to answer this question: "What is the minimum amount of money that I need to earn for us to not massively disrupt our lives?" But then I realized that this is a fear-based question. It means starting out by saying "no" to everything that doesn't earn "enough" money for some arbitrary value of enough.

Where I'm at now, Step 1 Mark II, poses a more inspiring question: "What does retirement look like for my wife and I?" I don't know that we truly get to retire in the sense of living a life of leisure as seemingly many Boomers and earlier were privileged to do. Besides, part of my sense of accomplishment and peace is knowing that I did something to make the world better.

So what do you struggle with?
How are you doing?
What are you doing about it?

Be well.

P.S. This is me trying to do my part, as a new member of this community, to encourage growth not in membership but into different areas of discussion.

Always a tricky question, and always an interesting answer - personally my favourite cheese right now is Blacksticks Blue, a creamy blue that goes excellent melted on a pizza (subject to change at a moment's notice, mind you).

I'm looking for some new rpgs to play and I'm interested in stories that they and act like tye player character is some clueless out of towner to basically act as an avatar for the player.

I feel like most of the gltimes I've seen this done its pretty hamfisted and doesnt seem like the interactions go right. I'm wondering if anyone has encountered good examples of this idea?

Historically, I've found the most interesting AMA's came from seemingly "ordinary" people. (touchmyfuckingcoffee's vacuum AMA's come to mind!) I think that most everyone has one or two life experiences, points of view, or specialized knowledge that would be fun to share or fun to learn about.

I've toyed with the idea of hosting an AMA for awhile, but I've been afraid that maybe I wasn't "interesting" enough. Then, I realized that others might be in the same position! So instead of hosting my own AMA, I wanted to make space for a collective "Low-Risk" AMA, that I think would work especially well with Tildes' philosophy and format.

With that preamble, I'm wondering if you would like to join me in an experiment? Let's make mini-AMA's out of top-level comments, with the Q's and A's as child comments.

Edit: Wow! I wasn't expecting this thread to have so much staying power! Love all the conversations that are being had. FYI The early posters including myself are still answering questions, so don't be shy!

Recently I've found myself with my previous backpack running through its life, and its not something I'm confident I could repair myself. As such, I'm on the search for a new daily bag. I'm curious what others look for in a daily bag for work or school, and what options people like right now.

I've been playing ARPGs since Diablo 1 and have over a thousand hours in PoE, was wondering what everyone thought of D4?

I think the slower gameplay is a fun change of pace and that the legendary affix system is an elegant solution to always making drops interesting.

Surprisingly, as much as I didn't really care for D3, it's game feel was excellent. D4 has taken an odd step back in that regard. In D3 when you bashed an enemy to death with a barbarian they flew across the stage, or melted into a pile of goo if from poison. D4 everything feels kinda bland visually during combat.

Excited to see what end game is like, still only level 35 so we'll see how this so scales later on.

Thoughts?

I’m building a new home and we have hard water around here. I want to save our brand new plumbing and fixtures from being loaded up with deposits from day one. I’ve never used a water softener before. What’s the best route to go?

Yesterday someone on /r/lgbt posted this picture of themself at a pride event, and several people in the thread commented on OP's self harm scars - one asking them to please and thank you spoiler tag the image and post a trigger warning as they found the sight of OP's self harm scars triggering.

As someone who has very similar scars as OP I said fuck that, I disagree. I found it offensive that the sight of someone else's scars somehow grants you the right and allows you to tell them to cover up or hide themself because they find it triggering. To ask to have trigger warnings and spoiler tags added is unfair, in my opinion - the commenter then replied that it's not that hard to do. But for me it's obviously not about the effort it takes to do it, it's about the fundamental principle of asking someone to cover up or hide their body that I take issue with.

OP said elsewhere that they have struggled with mental health in the past but moved on, and clearly they are now at the point that they feel comfortable or don't mind that other people can see their scars. And I certainly feel like they should be allowed to wear whatever they like. I think that showing scars like this is 1) brave, 2) helps reduce stigma surrounding self harm, and 3) should be entirely that person's prerogative - their body, their choice.

So I am curious what you all think about this?

Is it fair to expect or ask someone to tag their picture like this, to hide their scars, to cover up, etc.?

I'm personally a little busy for 3d printing at the moment - but I love to see and be inspired by what others are doing. I know this is text based, but I'm also interested in what issues you are running into. I find it useful to see examples of what common problems and solutions others are running into.

I've got an "old" Prusa MK3S that is still going strong for me. When I get the time again I've got a few projects lined up: a brain, a mask, and a fluid desk sculpture that I'm excited to get printing.

What have you been printing lately?

I tried looking around a bit but couldn't find anyone that was interested in this. For me it had been on my radar for years through various forums, but I only built my first watercooled PC in 2020. For that I designed and manufactured my own case and now I am working on a second one! It's become a fun hobby that's taught me CAD and more about manufacturing in general.

So I was curious if anyone else is into the same thing here? It's probably a bit more niche than the mechanical keyboard thread I saw!

In the worst case scenario that Reddit dies; I'm going to miss the /r/exmormon community the most. It's a religion that is not easy to leave (many societal repercussions); and many ex-members experiencing a "faith transition" rely on the discussions in that sub (275K+ subscribers).

So I just encountered this mashup of Britney Spears' "Toxic" and Deftones' "Change (In the house of flies)" and it just works so well.

Same with ABBA's "Dancing Queen" over Linkin' Park's "Numb" by Manuel of Zeal & Ardor.

What are some mashups you think work surprisingly well? (Please link them!)

The long-awaited Starfield Direct is streaming in about 30 minutes.

I'm a life-long science fiction junky, and space sims have always been my great escape. Naturally I'm very excited to learn more about Starfield and I'm wondering who else is tuning in today.

What are you looking forward to? Personally, I'm hoping that the 'Skyrim in Space' description is spot-on. I've gotten years of entertainment out of Skyrim, so if Starfield is as anywhere near as expandable and long-lived as Skyrim, I'll be a very happy person. I'm definitely looking forward to losing myself in another universe.

Link to Livestream, 1PM ET

It's a small thing I guess, but more and more often I see the word "zesty" being used not in a playful way or descriptive way, but as a form insult to straight guys when someone doesn't like them. Like people want to put them down literally by insinuating that they're gay, as if being gay is just the worst thing, and worse, with a sort of wink and a nudge as if no one is picking up on what they mean by it. As a gay guy, it's tiresome and old already. It just pisses me off.

I have 3 gal of blackberry wine aging on oak cubes in a carboy right now. Relatively new to the hobby but my best so far have been elderberry wine (full bodied and tannic, kind of like a Cabernet), and apple wine from store-bought juice (dry and crisp). This fall I'm planning on sourcing some locally grown Pinot Noir and trying my hand at making a "real" wine for the first time.

How do I launch an egg directory?
I found a package that I want to use. It's a windows desktop widget. I downloaded the source from Git and unzipped. Installed Python 3.11 in powershell. Executed py setup.py --install from inside the unzipped package directory.
Python reports it installed into C:\users\user\appdata\local\programs\python\python311\lib\site-packages[package].egg.
What do I do to launch the package? I've tried py [package]. The .egg inside that directory appears to be a directory. I tried simply ps: [package]. Nothing seems to launch it.
Kindly help.

Edit: I've since learned my efforts are moot because the widget I was trying to install requires dependencies that are no longer available, and also .egg is a deprecated (and perhaps poorly implemented) way to use python. Thanks to everyone for their help

What are you reading and what's next on your list? Are you enjoying it or just trying to get to the next book you want to read?

I'm almost finished with Columbine by Dave Cullen. It's an in depth look into what led up to the massacre, the aftermath, and how it could have been avoided. It's a well written book and sadly still very relevant today. I would recommend it to any true crime enthusiast.

Next up is either Mindhunter by John Douglas & Mark Olshaker or Children of Dune by Frank Herbert. I've been in a true crime phase for the last year, but I'm also trying to finish the entire (original) Dune series.

Share your favorite argument for the existence of God below.

Background: I'm an atheist (and have been for a decade) who's been interested in Christian Apologetics since I was a young Christian. As I entered adulthood, I found myself losing my faith, largely because I grew up in a fundamentalist, Young Earth Creationist household which taught that evolution and God are incompatible. While I no longer believe in this lack of compatibility, my belief in God never came back. I've tried to give it an honest effort, and there are many compelling reasons why I want Christianity to be true:

• Reunification with loved ones who've passed
• Absolute moral justice exists
• A plan for my life, and meaning in my suffering
• Access to unconditional love; to have a personal relationship with my creator
• Surviving my own death

For a variety of reasons seemingly outside my direct control, I still don't believe. It doesn't help that I've been introduced to strong arguments against the existence of God (e.g. the problem of evil and its subsets) which have rebuttals of varying quality from Christian philosophers. I don't think this lack of belief is my fault, or for lack of trying; I can't make myself believe anything. I try to be open to arguments, and this has led to an obsession with revisiting apologetics.

Now I think of apologetics as at least a fun mental exercise; combing through the arguments, atheist rebuttals, and responses to those rebuttals. That's probably strange, but it tickles the right parts of the brain to keep me engaged.

Personally, I would recommend Pixlriffs. A few days ago, he has started a new season of his Minecraft Survival Guide series coinciding with the release of Minecraft 1.20. The series goes over each step, including the basic ones, to get yourself started and beyond on a Minecraft world. Here is a direct link to the start of season 3 inside a playlist. If you are a new or returning player to the game, I think it's a very nice resource to get the hang of it.

The channel has been going for quite a few years now so there's a lot of content to watch, including a separate channel that he handles the writing and narration for dedicated to recapping the event of the Hermitcraft multiplayer server. The Hermitcraft players are themselves content creators I'd recommend checking out.

After 11 years of life, Google Authenticator has added cloud backups for OTP keys in version 6.0.

Google Security Blog: Google Authenticator now supports Google Account synchronization

This is surprising news to me, because historically Authenticator had no way to backup keys by design. Here's a 2017 quote from a Google engineer who maintains Authenticator:

There is by design NO account backups in any of the apps. ^[source]

This design choice always made sense to me, as the point of 2FA is that you've got (1) something you know, and (2) something you have. The second factor should be tied to a physical device. If you lose the physical device, the second factor should be gone, and you'll need to use one of those 10-ish backup codes that we all definitely keep somewhere safe. I'm quite befuddled that Google is reversing this design choice and walking back their previously strong, security-centric design for the sake of user convenience in the case of a lost phone. I used to advise my friends and family to choose Google Authenticator over Authy for this specific reason.

If you want further reading, here's a PCWorld article with an altogether different tone than Google's announcement: Google Authenticator’s long-awaited cloud 2FA feature carries hidden risk

In a few weeks, I'll be making a short trip (3 days) to Palo Alto, working in the Stanford Medical Center area.

I'm hoping for some local or experienced insight into "don't miss" destinations for food, culture, history, and sight-seeing. It's likely I'll only have Sunday afternoon and weekday evenings free, so the personal tour may have to be more focused than local guides might otherwise suggest.

My home area has great food, but I'm really starving for Eastern cuisines. I'm willing to go beyond what a corporate travel budget permits if there's truly extraordinary, "can't get anywhere else" dining available.

Your insights are greatly appreciated!

It doesn't necessarily have to be your first show. Which one sparked your interest? Do you still like it?

Hunter x Hunter (2011) was the one that introduced me to weeb culture. From there, I branched out- the earliest I remember are Fairy Tail, Blue Exorcist, Magi, etc. Weirdly enough, I still haven't finished Naruto.

I recently rewatched HxH, and I can still say it's very charming. I can now join the Hiatus x Hiatus gang.

I'm a journeyman crane operator. I want to talk with people who are looking for a change, or folks that have already done it. Organized labor has long been a old white dudes club, young and diverse people joining already established labor unions helps in the fight against economic injustice. Let's talk about it.

I'm an amateur fish keeper who is looking at buying a new 4ft tank setup.

While on the hunt for a nice looking cabinet and tank combination, I've noticed that most freshwater setups are designed for a canister/ hang on back / in tank filter, whereas saltwater is almost always designed as a sump configuration despite the same physical tank size and capacity.

Is there a reason freshwater tank setups are less likely to be sold in a sump configuration? Does salt benefit more from an overflow style of filtration then freshwater does? Should freshwater be pulling water for filtration from lower in the tank because there's likely slower water movement and therefore debris will settle on the substrate?

As a quick example, AquaOne have a "freshwater" range, and a "marine" range. They are available in comparable physical sizes, but the freshwater tanks are not drilled for sumps whereas the marine are. No matter how fancy / big you go in the freshwater configuration, you never have the option of a sump.

Freshwater list: https://aquaone.com.au/2015-04-16-04-47-04/2015-04-16-06-00-17/coldwater-tropical

Marine list: https://www.aquaone.com.au/2015-04-16-04-47-04/2015-04-16-06-00-17/marine-aquariums