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    1. Seeking help with understanding compression fittings

      Hi everyone... I am trying to build a gravity fed watering system for my ducks. I want to have a 5 gallon jug up top, and quarter inch tubing running down into the coop area. I have a float valve,...

      Hi everyone... I am trying to build a gravity fed watering system for my ducks. I want to have a 5 gallon jug up top, and quarter inch tubing running down into the coop area. I have a float valve, and tubing, and brass compression fittings. Everything is a quarter inch, and everything is fitting together really nicely.

      However, I have no idea what part I am supposed to get that connects the compression fitting to the upper jug. There has to be a part that goes inside the jug, has a washer of some kind, and pokes through the jug, so that the compression fitting can screw onto it. Otherwise there is nothing to hold that piece to the jug. Reference Image

      I have never built anything like this and I am trying really hard. I've gone to three separate hardware stores to just kind of look at all the pieces, but it is so disorganized and all the tiny shelves just seem to contain random parts that don't match the label. There are acronyms I don't know and can't find any forums for this specific project. All the animal waterers that are online require a hose or electricity and I have neither of those, hence needing it to be gravity fed.

      I am starting to get really really discouraged :( I don't even know what question I am supposed to be asking. I just want to connect the tubing into a 5 gallon jug without it leaking out, but right now I just have a compression fitting stuck into a hole in a jug and nothing keeping it in place and all the water leaks out the side. Apologies if this is the wrong section to post this.. Thank you in advance if you have any advice.

      18 votes
    2. Is an iPad enough for college students these days?

      I'm normally the tech guy in my social circles and can make good recommendations but its been a few years since I was a collage student so when one of my associates who is about to start her...

      I'm normally the tech guy in my social circles and can make good recommendations but its been a few years since I was a collage student so when one of my associates who is about to start her college journey as a dental student asked me for my recommendation, I wasn't sure exactly what to recommend.

      My first thought was an iPad paired with an Apple Pencil and a Logitech portfolio case. This was because she mentioned lots of note taking and drawing. I figured that option gave her the most bang for the buck and versatility to accomplish any tasks necessary while also having longevity to get her threw the next few years. As for what model, I haven't really figured out just yet.

      My main drawbacks here are that iPads still don't fully replace a Mac or PC. I don't know what software her college will require and while many schools are modernizing some are still not quite there yet and may require specific software that can't be run on iPads.

      Of course the solution to that problem is to purchase a MacBook as well. That should handle most any applications and maybe make longer essays and research papers easier to get through. Ideally that would be option number one, but obviously that's very expensive, and while I do not know what her and her families fiscal background is like, I think its safe to assume that in this economy, even with educational discounts, that's not the most feasible option for most students.

      On the other hand just purchasing a MacBook instead of an iPad would work but not be as versatile since apple has yet to produce a 2in1 like the Microsoft Surface. Speaking of 2in1's I thought about the Microsoft Surface and even some Samsung 2in1's with their s-pen equivalent, but longevity has never really been Windows or Chromes OS's strongpoint. Not to mention I really am not a fan of Chrome OS and its many limitations. I know there is a lot of schools that use them, but they also tend to end up unfixable and unsupported.

      Again... its been a minute since I was a student, so maybe there are things that I am not thinking about or realizing. I told her I would think about it and come back with some recommendations so I figured I'd ask here for some real life experience while I do some research on the subject.

      EDIT

      • Her major is dentistry
      • She curranty has an iPhone
      • I'll ask her to check her schools requirements
      • I'll reply to everyone soon, I just wanted to make those things known for everyone.
      • Thanks for all the input so far!
      35 votes
    3. Introducing Backtick API: An open-source, unofficial Tildes API

      Hi everyone! Today I am releasing Backtick API, an unofficial Tildes API. I originally wrote it to power Backtick but quickly realized that it could be useful for other clients and projects that...

      Hi everyone! Today I am releasing Backtick API, an unofficial Tildes API. I originally wrote it to power Backtick but quickly realized that it could be useful for other clients and projects that require Tildes data. The project is open-sourced, both because I would love community contributions and because I want to make the project as transparent as possible.

      Q: Does it require or store any user credentials?

      No. All the endpoints that are implemented scrape publicly available data that do not require any user credentials.

      Q: Will this overload Tildes?

      To prevent Backtick API from being a nuisance to Tildes, the code caches calls to Tildes for a short period of time. Depending on usage, it should reduce the number of calls to Tildes (vs a client querying Tildes directly).

      Q: How can I use it?

      A hosted version of the code is available through RapidAPI here: https://rapidapi.com/asnewman/api/backtick-api

      Q: Are there any limitations?

      To prevent the project from being abused and becoming a financial burden on myself, I'm using RapidAPI to manage usage. There is a generous free tier and a reasonably priced paid tier which will be used to cover server costs. In addition, I will be donating a portion of the paid plan revenue (my goal is 50% but will depend on load and subscription count) directly to Tildes via Github Sponsors. It's really important to me to keep this project and Tildes as sustainable as possible. I really would love to provide everything for free, but unfortunately, there are countless examples where that doesn't work out down the road.

      Of course, if you do not want to use the hosted version, you are welcome to deploy the code yourself!

      Q: Isn't scraping prone to breaking?

      Yes! Users beware! Obviously, I will try my best to fix things if the Tildes code changes in a way that breaks Backtick API, but it's definitely a possibility.

      Q: Why not just work on and contribute to creating an official Tildes API?

      An official Tildes API will always be better than something like this and I look forward to when/if it gets implemented. That being said, I'm choosing the route that would be the quickest to continue the development of the Backtick mobile app. In addition, it's also the choice that is most fun for me. To work on a Tildes API, if the powers that be even want to have one, would require lots of coordination and codebase learning, something that will take a lot of time. I highly commend anyone who chooses to take on that task, but I do too much of that kind of work for my real job šŸ˜‚


      Please report any issues or feature requests through Github, this post, or the Backtick Discord server. Finally, I just want to thank everyone in the community for all the great conversations I've had, for providing helpful feedback for Backtick, and for creating a place on the internet that I very much enjoy being a part of 😊

      59 votes
    4. Suggestions for a new Android phone, please

      Hey all, hope everyone is doing well today. I've been using a Pixel 6A for going on a year now, and I'm not very satisfied with my purchase. It's a decent enough phone, but it seems that the...

      Hey all, hope everyone is doing well today. I've been using a Pixel 6A for going on a year now, and I'm not very satisfied with my purchase. It's a decent enough phone, but it seems that the fingerprint reader doesn't work more than half of the time, and Google Assistant is about as reliable. It also just has a lot of weird little things that add up (for instance, plugging in the battery may not indicate that it's charging until you unlock the phone). Not to mention that I'm just not fond of the company these days, and I'd like to gradually ween myself off of their applications and such.

      I actually upgraded to this phone from a Moto G6 plus (bought for >$200 via Amazon, compared to this $500 device), and I find myself wishing I hadn't hopped in the hot tub with it in my pocket that day.

      With that said, what sort of alternatives do you fine people suggest? I'm not too concerned with specs (as long as it plays Pocket Trains, I'm happy lol), mostly battery life, Android, and sustainable company practices if that's still a thing in tech.

      Currently looking at the Fairphone 4, but was wondering what else may be floating around out there. Thanks in advance, and have a great day.

      68 votes
    5. Anyone else feel/used to feel that they will be alone both platonically and romantically, forever?

      I have cptsd and comorbid-depression, am gay and trans, and i have bad social skills (i cant even maintain eye contact with someone). I feel completely hopeless for the future and i just wanted to...

      I have cptsd and comorbid-depression, am gay and trans, and i have bad social skills (i cant even maintain eye contact with someone). I feel completely hopeless for the future and i just wanted to know if anyone else here related, or if they've recovered. Thanks
      Edit: Thank you all very much for the great responses. Maybe i'll make it :)

      37 votes
    6. What are some ways I can make my Illegal Slivers EDH deck more illegal?

      Hey there! I posted this on r/magictcg a while back, but I've seen and received many new ideas for cards and I'd love to see if you have any new ones. I had my Japanese copy of Sliver Queen in my...

      Hey there! I posted this on r/magictcg a while back, but I've seen and received many new ideas for cards and I'd love to see if you have any new ones.

      I had my Japanese copy of Sliver Queen in my wallet for years because my friend found it for $2 in a bargain bin, and I thought I could just buy another - not knowing it was Reserve List. Whoops. So I decided to build an Illegal Slivers EDH deck where every card is somehow not quite legitimate, with a few restrictions - no power 9, no OG duals, and if I can help it try to make as much variety between restrictions as possible, all while trying to keep it as a legitimate deck that aims to use Queen as the wincon. But I'm only about a quarter of the way there. Here's what's up:

      • Cards from other games with the same or similar names are used; Swamp from Wyvern, Island from Dominion, Ancient Tomb from Pokemon, Xiahou Dun the One-eyed from Wixoss, Karoo from One Piece, Duel Masters copy of Muscle Sliver...

      • I'm using relevant illegal MtG prints - World Championship decks, Mystery Booster playtests, an art copy of the Unearth Sliver I keep forgetting the name of, silver borders / acorns, etc. Also Clickslither (from Legions!) instead of Quick Sliver (from Legions!).

      • I was looking for a Wheel of Fortune tarot card before I found that lƶƶps sticker and decided to go with that.

      • My favorite is that someone originally stole the shipment of Crystalline Sliver promos before they were going to give them out... So if you had a copy of it at one point, it was literally-illegal stolen goods. Eventually they retrieved them and distributed them.

      I've got other ideas, and I'm trying to break each rule. Looking for:

      • The best single thing from the ban list

      • Lutri as companion, or one card used twice

      • One ante card

      • Planechase and Conspiracy

      • The card Unquenchable Fury, to be confused with Unquenchable Fury

      • A 30th Anniversary card

      • Some oversize cards as regular-size proxies

      • An AI generated Sliver as a proxy

      • Some configuration of Unfinity Stickers to make a new Sliver card of my own

      • A World's Smallest for something like a Night's Whisper

      • An Armageddon trading card for Armageddon, a Hearthstone from WoW TCG, a Force of Will from L5R TCG, a whole bevy of cards from LotR card game... I still also need Sliv-Mizzet.

      And once this is all done... Find 100 different card sleeves to wrap these in. I'd also love - LOVE - to get the Queen graded and still use it as my Commander.

      So, Tildes - how else can I make this deck even worse? Thanks!

      21 votes
    7. Is there a name for the "this is not who I am" defense?

      Basically as the title says. I'm a big proponent of "judging people by what they do, not what they say"; it has been one of my most unshakeable life mottos and I can't, for the life of me, grasp...

      Basically as the title says. I'm a big proponent of "judging people by what they do, not what they say"; it has been one of my most unshakeable life mottos and I can't, for the life of me, grasp why or how someone with even a modicum of intellectual honesty can believe otherwise.

      I'm very interested in the nature of the mental gymnastics going on inside the people who defend themselves with such statements.

      Thanks folks !!

      EDIT: rephrased for clarity

      44 votes
    8. Three Cheers for Tildes (Android version) is open for alpha testing on the Google Play Store

      Play Store link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.talklittle.android.tildes Alternatively, opt-in to testing via web:...

      Play Store link: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.talklittle.android.tildes

      Alternatively, opt-in to testing via web: https://play.google.com/apps/testing/com.talklittle.android.tildes

      Three Cheers for Tildes is an unofficial mobile app for Tildes, originally announced on Tildes' 5th birthday. The original announcement answers some basic questions about the app.

      It is still missing tons of features—hence "alpha"—but I felt it would be better to release something instead of waiting too long. Alpha version 0.5 is currently good enough for light use, to help check on Tildes once or twice a day. You can log in, vote, and comment.

      Notable missing features as of v0.5: Submitting topics; Markdown editor; In-app notifications; Comment labels; Sort options.


      The iOS version is underway and I am aiming to have it done by the October deadline achieved during our June fundraiser.

      Other iOS apps are already in beta testing: Backtick by @wababa and Surfboard by @earlsweatshirt.


      I'll try to keep this post updated with changelogs and known bugs.

      I don't have a public issue tracker for feature requests; feel free to leave requests in comments here. Thanks my Tildren!

      552 votes
    9. Has anyone watched the new Hayao Miyazaki movie ('Kimi-tachi wa Dō Ikiru ka', or 'The Boy and the Heron')?

      The question is for the tilderinoos from japan( cause the movie only released there till now,i think).Did you watch the new miyazaki movie Heron and the boy /How do you live. How was it and heard...

      The question is for the tilderinoos from japan( cause the movie only released there till now,i think).Did you watch the new miyazaki movie Heron and the boy /How do you live.
      How was it and heard it is different from his usual MO,If so how is it different?
      Also try to keep posts to no to low spoilers so as not to ruin it for the rest of us ,Thank you.
      I love ghibli movies and i for one can't wait to watch it when it releases here.Probably will do a ghibli studio marathon till i wait for this movie.
      Has anyone read "How do you live " by Yoshio Genzaburō or "The book of lost things" by John Connolly both said have been an influence for this movie?
      Should i read them before watching the film?

      13 votes
    10. Advice for a few days in Atlanta please

      This will be my first time there. We are interested to visit the Carter Center and the Martin Luther King center but haven't finalized plans. Lodging is taken care of. Is there food you highly...

      This will be my first time there. We are interested to visit the Carter Center and the Martin Luther King center but haven't finalized plans. Lodging is taken care of. Is there food you highly recommend? Other sightseeing?

      Thanks!

      17 votes
    11. How did you become a baseball fan?

      Good afternoon, I hope all of my fellow baseball enjoyers are having the best days you can. I am a new account holder here on Tildes but I've been lurking for a bit, and would like to hear from...

      Good afternoon, I hope all of my fellow baseball enjoyers are having the best days you can. I am a new account holder here on Tildes but I've been lurking for a bit, and would like to hear from folks on how and why you first started to get into baseball.

      To get things started, my story may be a little different than some. Today baseball is the only sport I follow, but I didn't really grow up with it like many people do when they first become fans. I think I played one season of little league and my only real memories of that experience as a young person were sitting out in right field during practice and hoping no balls got hit my way, and sitting on a hot metal bench and chewing gum. I'm not sure that I ever got a hit.

      Somewhat later on in life, when I was in grad school, I wanted to get back into following a sport solely for the reason of having something to talk about with folks in the mindless office jobs I was working in at the time to pay the bills. I settled on baseball because there were games every day for much of the year, and it seemed pretty intuitive to me to read a box score and get a sense of what happened in a game even if I didn't have time to watch.

      But what team to follow, where I had no real allegiance to any growing up? I didn't want to be a fan of the Yankees or Mets, which would have been the logical choice given where my school and work were, because it felt like people who had been fans of those teams their whole lives would run circles around me, a baseball novice. So I essentially ran the 30 teams through a random number generator and ended up settling on the Texas Rangers by chance. Fortunately for me this was just prior to the Rangers' two world series teams in 2010 and 2011, and I've been hooked ever since (even if I might have some misgivings about franchise ownership... and the leadership of the state of Texas as a whole).

      I would love to hear other folks' stories, and look forwards to the rest of the season. Thanks for your time.

      13 votes
    12. Spending a week in Belfast next month, any recommendations?

      My wife and I (from the U.S.) are going on vacation and as part of a larger itinerary have scheduled a week in Northern Ireland, based in Belfast. We'll spend the first couple of days...

      My wife and I (from the U.S.) are going on vacation and as part of a larger itinerary have scheduled a week in Northern Ireland, based in Belfast. We'll spend the first couple of days decompressing and exploring the city, but besides that I'm wondering what would be worth doing there during that time. I've been focusing on the other parts of our itinerary and have only very limited knowledge of that area and its attractions. We plan on renting a car for a day or two to get out of the city but otherwise will be relying on public transit. Thanks in advance for any recommendations or advice!

      14 votes
    13. Any advice for getting through a puppy fear period?

      My poor beautiful boy is really going through it at the moment. He's just shy of 5 months and puberty is hitting him like a truck - he's lost two of his puppy teeth in a week, his adult coat is...

      My poor beautiful boy is really going through it at the moment. He's just shy of 5 months and puberty is hitting him like a truck - he's lost two of his puppy teeth in a week, his adult coat is coming through in patches and now he's suddenly becoming terrified of people with seemingly no rhyme or reason.

      Strangers (even strangers we walked past 30 minutes ago with no issue), family members that he'd spent the last 4-5 hours around on a visit and yesterday even my partner who's been there since day 1 and takes him out on walks and plays with him every day! It's not constant either; when my partner tentatively came downstairs to go to work this morning it was all smiles and waggy tails like nothing had happened.

      I understand this is a pretty normal stage in a dog's development so we've just got to try and endure it until it passes. I've tried leash corrections and moving away, getting him to focus on me and rewarding him when he does, as well as inching closer and getting the scary person to throw treats at a distance when that's feasible. I know teaching him sit/ down would be extremely helpful and we're prioritising that.

      I've also booked a 1-2-1 training appointment for the end of this week so hopefully a professional can help us figure things out but I'm hoping to hear from any fellow puppy owners. How did you cope with fear periods? Any tips?

      Edit to specify: he's a belgian shepherd. We've had him for just over 5 weeks now.

      Thank you so much everyone for your comments so far! The big theme is tiredness so I'm starting to get a plan of action together for dealing with this today:

      • light physical activity, training and brain games in the morning/ afternoon
      • main physical activity after work to get him good and tired
      • keep an eye on his energy levels and try to create some structured naptimes

      Also:

      • carefully consider puppy classes
      • if we have to go visiting, take familiar bedding
      • rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat

      We'll go to the park again straight after work as we always have in the spirit of consistency and hopefully get good and weary before my partner gets back tonight.

      19 votes
    14. Looking for sources related to "The Repetitive Nature of Human Tribulations"

      Hello everyone :) I write as a hobby and have had an article in my drafts for a long, long time. In essence, I'd like to discuss the "repetitive nature of human tribulations/suffering/life", that...

      Hello everyone :)

      I write as a hobby and have had an article in my drafts for a long, long time. In essence, I'd like to discuss the "repetitive nature of human tribulations/suffering/life", that is, the fact that regardless of superficial characteristics we all are confronted with extremely similar circumstances throughout our lives.

      Whether it's 10 years into our lives or 40, there's joy, heartbreak, loss, a need to belong, some desire for freedom, a need for a purpose, lack of direction, obsession with a newly found direction, etc.

      I'd love to come across poets, philosophers, psychologists, etc who have touched upon this subject: we are not defined by our circumstances, as they are, in very broad strokes, largely the same, but by how we are able to adapt and reinvent ourselves amidst those same circumstances.

      Looking forward for your answers :)

      Thanks!

      7 votes
    15. Any hardcore leftists here?

      What do you think of popular figures like Noam Chomsky, Jason Hickel, Richard Wolff, David Graeber, and Bernie Sanders? Why does grotesque inequality persist? Will the lot of the downtrodden and...
      1. What do you think of popular figures like Noam Chomsky, Jason Hickel, Richard Wolff, David Graeber, and Bernie Sanders?

      2. Why does grotesque inequality persist? Will the lot of the downtrodden and the oppressed ever improve?

      3. What do you think of Anarchism?

      Just looking to learn from the community members here. Thanks.

      103 votes
    16. PS5 and Xbox Series closing in on three years of use

      Curious to hear what the people of tildes think. As we close in on 3 years of use with these newer consoles, what are every one’s thoughts? Has ā€œnext genā€ been what you thought it’d really be or...

      Curious to hear what the people of tildes think.

      As we close in on 3 years of use with these newer consoles, what are every one’s thoughts? Has ā€œnext genā€ been what you thought it’d really be or are you kinda just feeling whelmed?

      I have a PS5 and I use it every now and then for pretty much the first party games. PC is my main platform but as I think back, I’ve been pretty happy with my PS5 and the games to come so far. I also really enjoy the UI (although custom backgrounds would be great).

      I don’t know how the Xbox side is so I’d love to hear your thoughts to!

      Thanks for taking the time to read.

      28 votes
    17. Any idea on running a (very) small silent disco system?

      For the last few summers I've tried (and failed) to get a silent disco system working for a small group of friends. The requirements are Anyone should be able to join (locally) with a phone and a...

      For the last few summers I've tried (and failed) to get a silent disco system working for a small group of friends. The requirements are

      1. Anyone should be able to join (locally) with a phone and a pair of bluetooth headphones. With the absence of headphone jacks I've found most people rely on bluetooth headphones.
      2. Low enough latency.
      3. Decent enough audio fidelity.
      4. No weird monetized apps you have to sign in to.

      In a post covid age where we all had low latency video calls, it seems crazy there isn't an obvious way to have <10 people connected to one 128kbps audio stream. Here are the shortcomings

      • Most silent disco systems (for events) use FM to broadcast to FM receivers. Broadcasting without a license is technically illegal, but easy enough to do. The lack of wired headphones means most phones no longer support receiving FM frequencies, as they used the headphone wire as an antenna. It's not ideal checking up on everyone's phone models to see whether or not they support FM ahead of time.

      • Throughout covid we used Discord to listen to music together many miles apart. The trouble is bluetooth does not have enough bandwidth for speakers and a microphone. So - those with wired headphones it worked perfectly, but with bluetooth headphones the audio drops to landline phone quality, far below what's listenable. Discord supports 'Stage' calls where some participants are talking and others are only listening. Unfortunately this doesn't disable the microphone for the audience, and so the audio is still poor.

      • Lastly is streaming. This solves everything above but the latency is too high. Using software called 'Stream What You Hear' allowed us to create a webpage with a stream running, but each person could be many seconds ahead or behind depending on when they loaded the stream. Attempts to sync everyone up would fail if someone accidentally locked their phone.

      I'm wondering if the solution is going to have to be a bit more technically minded, which I'm open to investigating, but wondered if anyone here had any ideas to bounce.

      Thanks in advance!

      EDIT: I tried SnapCast as recommendation by @arch and it seems to do exactly what I was setting out to achieve, and FOSS software too! Thanks to everyone for their suggestions and help, I'm really excited to trial it.

      23 votes
    18. Seeing a notification about a new reply on Tildes gives me more pleasure than it did on Reddit

      Getting a reply to your comment or post on Reddit was always a double-edged sword, it could be a helpful reply or just someone saying "THIS." or commenting on your punctuation. On Tildes I feel...

      Getting a reply to your comment or post on Reddit was always a double-edged sword, it could be a helpful reply or just someone saying "THIS." or commenting on your punctuation. On Tildes I feel much more certain that it's a well thought out reply every time I press the red link.

      Thanks for being a great community and thanks to @Deimos for keeping the place civilized.

      57 votes
    19. Non-anonymous "thank you" function

      I really like how Tildes encourages meaningful discussions and discourages "useless" noise. But it leads to occasionally awkward situations where for example I ask a clarification question or...

      I really like how Tildes encourages meaningful discussions and discourages "useless" noise.
      But it leads to occasionally awkward situations where for example I ask a clarification question or whatever, get a wonderful reply that answers everything I'd like, but leaves me in a situation where I have nothing meaningful left to add to the conversation, yet still wanting to personally thank the other person for their reply.
      Obviously I place my vote on the reply, but it still feels like i sort of ghost the other person. I'd like them to know that I appreciate their reply.

      My suggestion would be a kind of "Thank you" function or tag that would be available exclusively to replies to ones comments, signifying ones personal gratitude (man, that sounds pretentious, but I can't think of a better way to phrase it. I'll just blame the fact that English isn't my native language...), maybe coupled with an automatic vote.
      The receiver of a "Thank you" could then get a small one-time notification in their inbox.
      The comment in question could theoretically also display the "thank you" status to the author, maybe after the vote count at the beginning like this: "10 votes and a thank you from Landhund"

      What do you think?

      69 votes
    20. I'm generally confused about dating women

      Tale as old as time, I suppose. Straight man doesn't understand women. I'm hoping this site will provide a healthy place to discuss my feelings and get wholesome input from others without it...

      Tale as old as time, I suppose. Straight man doesn't understand women. I'm hoping this site will provide a healthy place to discuss my feelings and get wholesome input from others without it turning into a pity party or cesspool.

      I didn't have any interest in dating until after I'd graduated college. Unfortunately, I immediately moved to an area of the country notorious for its unfavorable gender ratio. There are many more men than women here which means I'm starting on hard mode. I do at least have some traits which make things easier than for most. I am high earning, reasonably fit (not super cut but I work out most days), tall and I believe mentally healthy. However I can tell that my approach doesn't really catch with most people.

      I've had limited success out here. Some of my failures are mine to own. Getting started from nothing means I'm venturing into the unknown. I'm a naturally anxious person and never felt any intuition in social situations. Thankfully I've managed to figure out a way of being that jives with some people and learned the hard way the things I do that don't jive so well. But dating seems to have its own social rules - and they're harder to learn due to all of the misinformation.

      To sort out a lot of the misinformation I look to the people I see with the greatest degree of success. The older couples that are clearly deeply happy. My parents do pretty well in that regard. They've been married for 30-ish years with nothing more than a short argument between them. Or maybe I'll talk with an older co-worker who loves his wife the same way he did decades ago. People say that all happy families are the same, and unhappy families each broken in their own way. It's clear that there are some things in common with the happy couples - a universal recipe for happiness and success.

      • Forgiveness
      • Consistent effort
      • Flexibility
      • Similar values

      I try to take these virtues with me when dating.

      Of course, mutual attraction is a black box and also plays an important role. I've tried dating women that are just outside of what I would consider attractive. I think it's important to know what truly is important to me. But I found that things did not feel right and I can't compromise in that way. I'm not looking for a 10. But if I know they are not attractive to me it won't work.

      In the normal world (outside of online dating) I think the odds of a random person being instantly notably attractive are very low. Someone needs to be sufficiently aesthetically attractive, but also have the right mind and soul. Without the latter two I have no interest. So for me when I've met a nice woman from a dating app the process of learning more about this person begins - and it can take a while to truly get to know someone. But I draw on the virtue of effort and am more than willing to make that an active process as we get closer.

      There are actually some people out there that this all seems to align with. I think it's mostly a matter of time before I find the right person - so I'm not entirely discouraged. But the vast majority of women I meet seem to have the same feedback. They don't feel a connection - maybe that translates to "they're not attracted enough to me", maybe it's something else. But what I call a "connection" is something that can't be absolutely determined after one date.

      Given my profile pictures are representative of my appearance, I don't think they're all saying I'm aesthetically unattractive to them. Sure, some might decide after meeting me that they aren't as attracted in person. I experience that for myself some of the time. But I suspect that much of the time this is more of a mismatched approach. I really want to know either how better to find my kind of person, or what ways I can adapt to be flexible for the women I'm dating.


      Edit: Thank you everyone for your thoughts!

      A lot of people said a lot of things, many of which sounds right to me but only a few I think are applicable as next steps.

      1. My own reflection leads me to believe that being more present and less analytical will make dates more enjoyable and productive for both people.
      2. Keeping a very long term goal in mind cripples the dynamic of early dating. It requires future prediction abilities beyond what a human can do.
      3. I don't know if I can be the "fun guy" all the time but I can definitely increase the amount of fun.

      I wrote up a journal entry about what I wrote here and everyone's responses. I'll bring up my thoughts with my therapist later. Maybe this is weird but I threw the journal entry into ChatGPT. If nothing else it was positive and cheerful, which is helpful. But I was able to drill down on a few different things and got answers that sound reasonable. This is surely a common enough topic that it's got good training data for it.

      I'd also like to say, for whoever reads my comments, that much of what I wrote is more about following a thought as far as it will go more so than putting my internal constitution into writing. I'm here to be as malleable as I need to be.

      70 votes
    21. Asking advice re search engines, search technique

      So, in the past, I have been able to find new poems I enjoy by reading a critical essay about poetry and taking the referenced poem and author and typing the information into Google search. It...

      So, in the past, I have been able to find new poems I enjoy by reading a critical essay about poetry and taking the referenced poem and author and typing the information into Google search. It used to be that that technique turned up a copy of the text of the poem and typically more poems by the author 95 percent of the time for me.

      This year, when I try that same technique, Google gives me general reference articles about the life of the poet, or news about celebrities with similar names (not the same name at all), or just no search results. Does anyone know what happened? Can anyone help me use the internet to find new poems again?

      Thanks very much

      21 votes
    22. Methods and tips on mindfully pruning of information intake

      I'm working on pruning the sources of information that come into my Readwise/Read Later feeds down based on usefulness/actionable in my life and quality. My priorities are for data sources to...

      I'm working on pruning the sources of information that come into my Readwise/Read Later feeds down based on usefulness/actionable in my life and quality. My priorities are for data sources to expand my 'reality tunnel', to provide unique insights (not an echo chamber), and to remove a lot of the 'noise' of the day-to-day information overload. I'm considering what those sources might be. If you have a moment, I'd appreciate your thoughts, advice, and links to any writings or videos that speak to this similar goal and how others have done it. Thanks in advance!

      Nick Milo said:

      The noise is deafening, but I promise to focus on the high-value signal.

      I'm seeking to reduce the noise, and increase the signal of my Reader feeds.

      12 votes
    23. Advice on contact lenses causing red eyes

      Hi, I started trialing contact lenses (toric lenses, specifically) about a month ago, and have had a problem with them making my eyes seriously red. I've tried 3 different brands of contacts now,...

      Hi, I started trialing contact lenses (toric lenses, specifically) about a month ago, and have had a problem with them making my eyes seriously red. I've tried 3 different brands of contacts now, and the issue has persisted across all three. Has anyone else had a similar experience and figure out how to manage it? Thank you!

      12 votes
    24. Thinking of creating a local media center for my home. Any ideas/collaborators?

      With the growing fragmentation of online streaming services, I'm thinking of setting up a local media server for my home that I can use over Kodi to stream movies/tv shows to my chromecast. I...

      With the growing fragmentation of online streaming services, I'm thinking of setting up a local media server for my home that I can use over Kodi to stream movies/tv shows to my chromecast. I might go Monkey D. Luffy for the content itself.

      Basically the basic plan is to have some base features and some add-ons as follows.

      Base:

      1. Create a media server using a Raspberry Pi and some storage to serve as the base for all my viewing
      2. Setting up Kodi on all relevant platforms to consume data from (1) [This should be trivial]

      Add-ons:

      1. Create a python script to check for new episodes of any existing show available on the net (Imdb, moviedb, wiki can be starting points to check this)
      2. Automate download of shows from 1. Can be setup to run at some daily interval
      3. Download subtitles for shows from 2.
      4. Maintain some Github list to add new movies/tv shows that user might be interested to download. Script from 1 should be able to consume this.

      I used Popcorn time was a software that was able to do most of this at some point, but I remember reading that there were some security issues identified with it. I never really checked it afterwards, but happy to be corrected if it's reliable.

      Edit: Thanks folks, I did not know that the RR-sphere already solves most of these problems, will look into it. I was looking forward to the scripting, but I'm guessing these solutions handle security much better than I would at my end.

      29 votes
    25. What are some of your favorite names for the users of Tildes?

      I spontaneously came up with Tildesians, but I have seen others, including Tilders and Tildren. Edit, I was hoping to surface a variety of nicknames, so thanks for your input, I like to play with...

      I spontaneously came up with Tildesians, but I have seen others, including Tilders and Tildren.

      Edit, I was hoping to surface a variety of nicknames, so thanks for your input, I like to play with language. It's fun.

      40 votes
    26. DOSbox help for a noob - mouse doesn't work at all

      First, forgive me for I am a first time DOSbox user. My O/S is Windows 10 home 64-bit I went to old games and grabbed Doom & Doom II. I use to play these quite a bit and remember them fondly. I...

      First, forgive me for I am a first time DOSbox user. My O/S is Windows 10 home 64-bit

      I went to old games and grabbed Doom & Doom II. I use to play these quite a bit and remember them fondly. I did the easy setup which added DOSbox 0.74 and the game. It loads up and runs just like I remember with the keyboard, just no mouse.

      I did searching online, but the only solutions seem to be making sure autolock=true in the config file, and using cntl-F10 to capture the mouse. Toggling cntl-F10 does seem to grab the mouse in that the cursor disappears, but the mouse still will not function in either full screen or windowed mode.

      I seem to be missing something obvious, but for the life of me I just don't see it. I'm reasonably computer savvy, but feeling stupid at the moment.

      Any advice would be appreciated. TIA

      Edit: Forked over the 5 bucks and went with the Steam version. Works perfectly.
      Thank you everyone for your advice.

      9 votes
    27. The Last of Us Part II (Grounded)

      Anyone here go through a grounded play through ? I’m trying to currently and tbh…it’s kicking my ass. Any one here got some tips or advice for this kind of play through ? Or just discuss the game...

      Anyone here go through a grounded play through ? I’m trying to currently and tbh…it’s kicking my ass.

      Any one here got some tips or advice for this kind of play through ?

      Or just discuss the game too! I’d love to join in.

      Thank you in advance!!

      8 votes
    28. I had the worst experience with Wizz Air

      My evening flight from Gatwick to Milan was delayed, resulting with my arrival at 2:45am when there was no public transportation available (apart from taxis). According to EU rules any delayed...

      My evening flight from Gatwick to Milan was delayed, resulting with my arrival at 2:45am when there was no public transportation available (apart from taxis).

      According to EU rules any delayed flights over 3 hours can be reimbursed (partially) as can any inconveniences.
      This is the email I received from Wizzair's claims Dept:

      Thank you for contacting Wizz Air Customer Service Department.

      We would like to extend our sincerest apologies regarding the inconvenience caused by the delay of your flight. After thoroughly investigating your case we can confirm that the delay of flight W4 5786 MXP-LGW on the 3d of July 2023 was 02:57 h, based on the arrival at your destination airport.

      Please be kindly informed that passengers are entitled to the compensation specified in Regulation (EC) No 261/2004 of the European Parliament and of the Council when there is an arrival delay of minimum 3 hours.

      Therefore, unfortunately we regret to inform you that no compensation is due in this specific situation.

      Should you have any questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to contact us by replying to this email.

      Have a pleasant day!

      Kind regards,

      I am at a loss for words (and taxi fare!)

      16 votes
    29. Looking for your best men’s pants/trousers recommendations!

      I am a huge fan of Prana pants, they are made of synthetic materials, stretchy and comfortable, light and dry quickly, and I have found them perfect for travel, hiking, lounging, etc....

      I am a huge fan of Prana pants, they are made of synthetic materials, stretchy and comfortable, light and dry quickly, and I have found them perfect for travel, hiking, lounging, etc.

      Unfortunately they have discontinued my favorite models that looked more ā€œprofessionalā€ like chinos and thus could double for work, travel, date nights, etc. Their current models, while comfortable, all sort of look like hiking pants and don’t have an aesthetic I appreciate.

      With that in mind, I was curious if anyone could provide me with recommendations for professional looking pants with similar attributes as those above that you’ve found to be comfortable and multi purpose. Thank you!

      36 votes
    30. I am officially a DM now!

      This is a follow up to this discussion from the other day where I was getting ready to DM my first session of 5e. tl;dr from that is that I was chosen to be the DM by my group and we're playing...

      This is a follow up to this discussion from the other day where I was getting ready to DM my first session of 5e. tl;dr from that is that I was chosen to be the DM by my group and we're playing through the Essentials Kit campaign, albeit with certain elements tweaked to give it more flavor.

      Our first game was last night and I think I crushed it. Typical of our group we got a later start than intended, so we only made it through most of a single quest. But man it was so much fun. I was expecting the group to go routes I hadn't expected, but I really didn't account for them splitting the group...whoops.

      Basically the first quest was to retrieve an elderly woman from a windmill. When they arrive, the windmill is under attack by a manticore. In my head the solutions were A) fight it there, B) distract it and save the woman, or C) go hunt with it for food.

      The group ultimately chose all 3. One character started telling the Manticore riddles while another snuck around behind the windmill to try to get the woman out of the house. But conveniently the window was too small. It culminated in the Manticore going hunting with a Harengon alone, the rest of the group realizing what a bad idea that was and then shadowing them. And then ultimately the group jumped the Manticore and we had our first encounter. Thankfully I had nerfed the Manticore's health about 40%, so it was a pretty easy fight.

      The weakest part was definitely the combat. I was never any good at that as a player, so me running it was a little rocky. But nobody died, everyone got to participate, and they defeated the Manticore at about the right speed to keep it interesting. The best was just the roleplaying. I got to play as 3 distinct characters (the starting zone guide character, the Manticore, and the old lady) and had a blast. The old lady's voice slowly slipped into a Terry Jones inspired cockney woman's voice, which is just so much fun to do.

      Long story short, everything went really, really well. I know what did and didn't work, so I'll be adjusting accordingly for next session. Although very little didn't work. I was really pleased. And since we didn't even entirely finish the first quest (the turn-in part at least), I still have a quest/dungeon written up that I can use for next week.

      25 votes
    31. My ginger carrot hot sauce is missing something, but I can't tell what

      Ever since I learned how easy homemade hot sauce is, I try to experiment with a new batch or recipe from time to time. My most recent batch highlights carrot and Ginger, with mild jalapeno heat....

      Ever since I learned how easy homemade hot sauce is, I try to experiment with a new batch or recipe from time to time. My most recent batch highlights carrot and Ginger, with mild jalapeno heat.

      It tastes good, and the ginger is very apparent, but my SO and I feel it's missing something. Of course you can't taste it through the internet, but based on the recipe, can you provide any suggestions for what can help round it out or take it from good to great?

      Ingredients:

      • 3 carrots, 4 oz
      • 1 knob of ginger, peeled, 2.5 oz
      • 4 jalapeƱos, 8 oz
      • 4 cloves garlic
      • 1/4 of a red onion, didn't weigh
      • 1/2c apple cider vinegar
      • 1/2c water
      • 1/2 tsp kosher salt
      • 1/2 bunch of cilantro, maybe a couple of tsp after chopping

      Method:

      1. Thinly sliced carrots, ginger, peppers, onion, and garlic
      2. Sautee until brown around the edges (carrots and ginger took longer, garlic was just for a minute to avoid burning)
      3. Blend with salt, water, vinegar, and cilantro.
      4. Strain solids

      Any ideas on what it's missing? Some kind of tomato product? Something earthy like cumin? More garlic or onion? Something else entirely?

      EDIT: Thanks for all the great feedback! I poured a few small samples to test various additions based on your suggestions, and I ended up adding another 1/2 tsp of salt (for a total of 1 tsp), 1/2 tsp MSG, the juice of half a small lime, 1 squeeze of honey (estimated just shy of 1 tsp) and then thickened with 1/8 tsp of xanthan gum since it was really thin.

      Next time, I definitely want to try roasting the peppers and veggies, and I'll try a blend of peppers. I'm curious about other ginger preparation methods, too, such as raw, roasted, or powder. But for a mildly hot ginger sauce, I'm calling this experiment a success!

      29 votes
    32. Growing jalapenos in pots

      I want to get into growing chilis and I decides I want to get started with Jalapenos. I want to grow chilis but the problem is it's already the middle of Summer so if I plant now I can only...

      I want to get into growing chilis and I decides I want to get started with Jalapenos. I want to grow chilis but the problem is it's already the middle of Summer so if I plant now I can only harvest in fall/winter. Because of this I need to grow the indoors in pots. So my question toward my fellow chili growers:

      How hard is it to grow Jalapenos in pots?

      I can get my hands on 20L pots so that's not a problem, I can also get nitrogen and good soil (I found a recommendation to not get high quality one). One problem I faced is that I would need heat lamps to help the growing process. My guess is I can't go without them because in my country in late fall, winter, early spring it's pretty cold. How quickly do they grow and how tall they get? One concern I have is they will get to big to grow indoors since I don't have a ton of space inside. I have heard that there are kinds of chilis that stand the cold better (the ones with hair on them) so do you recommend me to get them? Or do you recommend me to wait till january? I'm really excited to start growing them and I'm a bit inpatient. Thanks for the advice in advance.

      27 votes
    33. Loona "smart" robot

      I recently got a Loona, one of those "smart" robot pets. My kid isn't great with real pets yet so we're trying to ease into things, sort of like exposure therapy. But we're having major problems...

      I recently got a Loona, one of those "smart" robot pets. My kid isn't great with real pets yet so we're trying to ease into things, sort of like exposure therapy. But we're having major problems with it. This post is part first impressions and part asking if anyone else has experienced this and maybe has figured out solutions.

      Now, my kid loves it, a lot. So it's not a complete flop, thankfully. But wow is it ever the opposite of smart. Kind of like how Google, Alexa, etc have "command phrases" to let them know you're wanting to talk to them, Loona has "hello Loona". But it only triggers listening mode like 20% of the time. Doesn't seem to matter if you talk slowly and enunciate or if you talk normal, it's just really bad at listening.

      Even once you have it listening to you, it only recognizes your commands maybe half the time. The booklet it came with seems to say it sends audio to Amazon for voice to command translation, so I'm assuming it's bad at listening to commands because:

      1. The microphone is mediocre and isn't picking up all the words correctly.
      2. Amazon's public voice to command service isn't great for general use.
      3. A little of both.

      On the one hand, I get if you're looking to leverage existing technology and not reinvent the wheel. On the other hand, if it can't even detect "hello loona" locally, then everything it hears would go to Amazon. That terrifies me, given their privacy track record. It's also just plain frustrating to try getting it to play a game or go to sleep when it's constantly ignoring you.

      Beyond that, it almost feels like the camera is for gimmicks rather than a functional component. It's constantly running into things like walls, chair legs, human legs... It's always running into you when you try to interact with it and it frequently moves violently; fast and without regard for its surroundings. I assume it makes no attempt to map out even just its immediate surroundings because of how it always runs into the same stuff over and over again.

      And one feature I was looking forward to is that the robot is supposed to be capable of getting itself back to its charging dock, and yet not once has it ever attempted to do so. Not when it's low battery and not when we tell it to. But it also, for no great reason, assumes that it should just wake up when it finishes charging, so if you start charging it in the evening and forget to manually turn it off, the thing starts yelling and ramming into stuff in the middle of the night; it's insanity.

      Anyway, I would not recommend it from personal experience. But if you have one or know someone that does, and you aren't having these issues, please share your wisdom with me.

      17 votes
    34. How can I make a television "time machine"?

      The idea is simple: on any given day, I wanna know what TV show was on with new episodes 10, 20, or any number of years ago. To make it simple, let's restrict it to US television. The reasoning...

      The idea is simple: on any given day, I wanna know what TV show was on with new episodes 10, 20, or any number of years ago. To make it simple, let's restrict it to US television.

      The reasoning behind it is that shows were made with that expectation (they are not "binge friendly"), and it was wonderful to have a different show every day of the week. It was magical to be able to randomly catch Monk, E.R., The X-Files, The Pretender, Psych, Star Trek TOS, or Early Edition on TV. Hell, even Game of Thrones made a lot more sense when I had to wait a week before watching!

      So yeah, this is 100% about nostalgia. At least one day I week, I'm gonna watch whatever was on TV that exact day 10 to 30 years ago.

      I'm gonna choose a decade and start from there.

      But how could I do it, from a mechanical standpoint? I mean, where can I easily find the information of all the episodes that premiered on US TV exactly 10, 20, 30 years ago to the day?

      Additionally, any tips on finding obscure 80s and 90s TV shows?

      Thanks!

      Edit: what I want it is really nothing complicated, I just wanna know what was on any day of the week for the past 30 years. No automation required!

      12 votes
    35. Looking for a wired gaming headset (preferably with mic) that works for many ear piercings

      I game a lot, and I have many ear piercings (the troublesome ones are industrial and cartilage and for ear buds, both tragus, but I'm looking for just normal headsets). Most headsets make my ears...

      I game a lot, and I have many ear piercings (the troublesome ones are industrial and cartilage and for ear buds, both tragus, but I'm looking for just normal headsets). Most headsets make my ears ache after 20-45 minutes. I can almost pick out how much they're going to hurt when I try them on, and nothing at my local Best Buy has anything available that feels right. Additionally, many are heavy and sit on the top of my head like a brick - before I completed my ear decorations, that was usually my peeve.

      Currently, the only headset I adore is SteelSeries Siberia (https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B002SN9RN8). I can wear them for hours. Sadly, I cannot get a replacement. I tried their Arctis 5 and immediately sent it back. The Siberia does not have a mic, so that's basically the only reason I am wanting to get another set.

      If anyone can recommend something with the following characteristics, I'd be willing to drop a pretty penny on them... not that I can afford to, but it'll be an investment if it lasts as long as these Siberia have!

      • Preferably cloth ear surface texture;
      • Preferably something that doesn't sit heavily on the head - though the ones I've tried that clamped for staying on my ears would give me headaches as well;
      • Must be wired. No bluetooth. Caveat: if it has a usb dongle, could be doable. (My computer does not have BT capabilities.) I hate things running out of battery though, so it will have to be good;
      • Must have extendable head band up top, if its method is not gripping on your ears without head support;

      I'm sure I've missed something, but if there's a fellow ear-pierced gamer whose had issues with many headsets but found the perfect one, please recommend! Thanks!

      10 votes
    36. Getting older and nostalgia - what do you miss?

      I recently turned 36 and found a sense of nostalgia sending me down a rabbit hole, mostly around the "old internet" of my childhood. I know "old" is subjective, but for me, it was the time period...

      I recently turned 36 and found a sense of nostalgia sending me down a rabbit hole, mostly around the "old internet" of my childhood. I know "old" is subjective, but for me, it was the time period of like 1998 to 2005 - my middle and high school years.

      AOL had just really brought the internet to the masses. I remember the mad rush of trying to log in to the Nickelodeon chatrooms and messaging my friends on AIM. Up until AIM shutdown a few years ago, I would log on every once in a while to my old account and just look at the usernames - recognizing friends, and trying to place others.

      I had a group called "Pokemon" on my account, which sent me searching to find anything on an old Pokemon Battler bot for AIM that was by a developer, "CoolKid". I got to the point where I was beginning to think it was something I made up, before finally turning up "SuperPokemon! by CoolKid" on archive.org. I wonder whatever happened to the developer, as nothing about them remains on the internet, but I wish I could thank them for all the fun times I had with my friends.

      Which then led me down to thinking of some of the online friends from my past. In retrospect, I wasn't as careful as I should have been online, but I never had any bad experiences - everyone was super nice and helpful in the little communities I found myself in. I've only been here a few days, but tildes reminds me of that time in my life.

      Curious to hear from others: What random hits of nostalgia do you have you had lately? Is there some random, highly specific thing from your past that you miss, like my AIM Pokemon battler?

      56 votes
    37. Women's soccer players, do you remember how you fell in love with the game?

      I'm a soon-to-be new dad of a baby girl. I have loved and played soccer since 6 years old, and would love nothing more than to see my daughter take to the game. However, I would never force...

      I'm a soon-to-be new dad of a baby girl. I have loved and played soccer since 6 years old, and would love nothing more than to see my daughter take to the game. However, I would never force anything on her just because I happen to like it - if she ends up having no interest in soccer, so be it.

      So my question to those of you who play/played, do you remember what got you hooked? I'll obviously be kicking the ball around with her at the park, and my city is fortunate enough to have a pro women's team, so I'll be taking her to games. Is there anything else I can do to put together my best "pitch deck" together for the sport?

      Thanks in advance, and go KC Current! :)

      13 votes
    38. What are some modern first person shooters with a classic, old-school feel?

      I'm looking for more recent games that are reminiscent of the original Doom, Quake, and shooters of that era. Preferably on PC, but also on the Xbox. I am, of course, aware of the most recent Doom...

      I'm looking for more recent games that are reminiscent of the original Doom, Quake, and shooters of that era. Preferably on PC, but also on the Xbox.

      I am, of course, aware of the most recent Doom games, but I gotta be honest, I'm not a big fan. They don't feel old-school to me.

      1990s shooters have a simplicity that I crave.

      I have no intention to play online, so a good campaign is a requirement.

      Thanks!

      23 votes
    39. Unsubscribing from a parent group doesn't automatically unsubscribe me from its subgroups

      Hello! Tildes newbie here. I wasn't sure if this is a bug or if it's working as intended, so I wanted to ask. I unsubscribed from https://tildes.net/~sports but noticed that I still saw a post...

      Hello! Tildes newbie here. I wasn't sure if this is a bug or if it's working as intended, so I wanted to ask.

      I unsubscribed from https://tildes.net/~sports but noticed that I still saw a post from ~sports.hockey in my home feed. It took me a while to figure out that I also had to go to each of the ~sports subgroups and unsubscribe from all of them too. Am I doing this correctly or did I miss a button somewhere that would let me unsubscribe from a parent group + all its subgroups in one go?

      Thank you!

      --- EDIT ---
      Thanks to everyone for the replies! Confirmed that it's working as intended. And there is now a new post by cfabbro on Gitlab suggesting that "unsubscribe from all subgroups" be added as a new function.
      https://gitlab.com/tildes/tildes/-/issues/802

      29 votes
    40. Modern men: A summary of Tildes community discussion

      The other day I created a post here to evoke discussion around what kind of topics, and community norms we might consider. I offered up initial thoughts to spark conversation and there were a lot...

      The other day I created a post here to evoke discussion around what kind of topics, and community norms we might consider. I offered up initial thoughts to spark conversation and there were a lot of people offerings deep insights. I spent the past few days learning from everyone and reading through comments. I tried to capture the high level take aways in a summary and added it as an edit to my original post. Here is a link to the full thread.

      It was suggested I post that summary as a new topic for better visibility and so that's the intention of this new post. This is only the foundation of what we could consider as we evolve the discussions, and it helps surface the initial thoughts and perspectives we have collectively shared.


      It's encouraging to see such in-depth and thoughtful conversations on ~life.men. I wanted to take a moment to recap the significant themes I read up to this point. This is high level, so please correct me if I got it wrong, and I may have missed something valuable that needs called out.

      Our discussions around Stoicism have been quite enlightening, and we've recognized its potential to encourage self-control and inner resilience. Nevertheless, we've also acknowledged its potential misuse, which might inadvertently promote unhealthy aspects of masculinity. This is a subject that requires more nuanced exploration.

      We've unanimously expressed the need for a supportive environment for men of all identities. This includes cis, gay, trans, and men of all other identifications. Despite potential challenges such as toxicity and inactivity, many believe this forum can serve as a respectful and positive space to engage in discussions about contemporary masculinity.

      Conversations have emphasized challenging traditional gender norms and fostering inclusivity. There's been a strong consensus against defining masculinity by outdated stereotypes. We've expressed a shared commitment to creating an environment welcoming everyone, regardless of gender identity. We also acknowledge the role of diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds in shaping our understanding of gender, which we deeply value.

      The topic of men's role in promoting gender equality has been prominent. We agree on the importance of men as allies in this movement. Tackling the rigid roles defined by patriarchal norms is crucial, as is having open and transparent conversations on these issues. Progress in gender equality benefits everyone - it's not a zero-sum game.

      We've also delved into gender norms, roles, and the usage of gendered language. It's been helpful to see such scrutiny of societal expectations and a strong emphasis on promoting universally beneficial values and inclusivity. There's a shared understanding of the complexity of gendered language and how it can both define personal identity and represent broader affiliations.

      We've explored varied experiences in male-specific spaces. From the importance of representing all demographics to discussing the challenges of modern fatherhood, we've covered extensive territory. There's a shared commitment to guard against potential toxicity and ensure balance in all our discussions.

      We have expressed the importance of focused discussions on men's experiences. Challenging assumptions about masculinity and addressing men's issues from multiple perspectives can impact our society.

      I'm new to Tildes and not sure where to go from here. Given all the valuable insights and themes we've gathered, how can we adopt draft guidelines for our community? I suspect we can see how this develops organically, but I appreciate approaching things intentionally. Thanks for all the comments and discussions. It has me thinking much more broadly and about things I hadn't considered.

      EDIT
      I received early feedback that "guidelines" may be the wrong ask here. The thought was to be intentional and surface a "purpose" for having a men group. Being new to Tildes, I'll defer to community as to what's the right way to move forward. Regardless, I appreciate the conversations and discourse that Tildes brings.

      26 votes
    41. "Layered" music that builds throughout the song?

      Hi folks. I am searching for songs that, for lack of a better word, build up via "layers" as the song progresses. For example, Beethoven's 7th Symphony, Second Movement, The Boxer Rebellion's...

      Hi folks. I am searching for songs that, for lack of a better word, build up via "layers" as the song progresses. For example, Beethoven's 7th Symphony, Second Movement, The Boxer Rebellion's "Soviets", or Dave Matthew's Band's "Dancing Nancies". Do you have any recommendations? Perhaps a musician would be able to tell me what this type of music/structure is called?

      EDIT: Thank you so much to everyone who responded. There are some GREAT suggestions! I have a lot of listening to do!

      64 votes
    42. Book writing self-hosted solutions?

      I'm big into self-hosting and recently getting back into writing as an additional hobby, cuz one can never have too many, right? Anyway, I am looking for a writing organization tool like...

      I'm big into self-hosting and recently getting back into writing as an additional hobby, cuz one can never have too many, right? Anyway, I am looking for a writing organization tool like Manuskript, Dabble, or Scrivener that is both open source and self-hosted.

      Essentially, I would just like something that I can organize my thoughts and occasionally write in, but be able to access it from all my devices - desktops, laptops, phones, tablets, etc. It seems like most of the solutions I've looked at are limited to a single device or cloud functionality is locked behind a paywall. Of course, I could just use a self-hosted wiki site for cloud editing/organization, but I'd like something more oriented toward writing if anybody has any ideas. Thanks!

      26 votes
    43. Would love to get recommendations for songs/musicians for my get-up-and-get-ready and workout playlists - like Doja Cat, Dua Lipa, Rina Sawayama, and/or Y2K pop like Britney Spears, LFO

      Hi everyone! I have a Y2K playlist for this (Britney Spears, LFO, Destiny's Child, etc.) and another playlist with more recent music (Doja Cat, Dua Lipa, Rina Sawayama, Ariana Grande, etc.)....

      Hi everyone!

      I have a Y2K playlist for this (Britney Spears, LFO, Destiny's Child, etc.) and another playlist with more recent music (Doja Cat, Dua Lipa, Rina Sawayama, Ariana Grande, etc.).

      Sample songs from these playlists:
      Rina Sawayama - XS
      Doja Cat - Like That
      Dua Lipa - Levitating
      Britney Spears - Gimme More
      LFO - Summer Girls
      Destiny's Child - Independent Women

      Hoping to get recommendations for songs/musicians with similar vibes. Or perhaps links to existing Tildes threads for this; I've already tried searching 90s pop / Y2K pop / Doja Cat.

      I use these playlists to help me get into a more energetic mood, usually for getting ready or for working out. I listen to almost all kinds of music so I'm also open to recommendations from other genres; the above's just been my mood lately.

      Thank you!

      16 votes
    44. Modern men: Navigating life, relationships, and self-identity

      The idea of what it means to be a man has evolved significantly over the last century. We can build a fresh perspective on understanding masculinity beyond the stereotypical confines of strength,...

      The idea of what it means to be a man has evolved significantly over the last century. We can build a fresh perspective on understanding masculinity beyond the stereotypical confines of strength, stoicism, and dominance. I appreciate Deimos trying out new groups and allowing topics to flourish. I could see this group having healthy discussions about the diverse experiences and expectations of men in today's society.

      I envision topics on personal anecdotes, insights, and questions. I wanted to list out a few possibilities for future discussions that are top of mind.

      1. The changing roles and responsibilities of men in personal and professional life.
      2. The impact of societal norms and expectations on men's mental health.
      3. Embracing vulnerability and emotional openness.
      4. Men's role in promoting gender equality and mutual respect.
      5. The significance of self-care and well-being in men's life.
      6. How men can effectively communicate their emotions, needs, and concerns.
      7. Relationships, expectations, and stereotypes

      While not comprehensive, it's a start of areas we may consider. What are your thoughts on what this group could be?


      EDIT - Grammar and Summary 7/9/2023 @3 pm mountain

      Hello, everyone. It's encouraging to see such in-depth and thoughtful conversations on ~life.men. I wanted to take a moment to recap the significant themes I read up to this point. This is high level, so please correct me if I got it wrong.

      Our discussions around Stoicism have been quite enlightening, and we've recognized its potential to encourage self-control and inner resilience. Nevertheless, we've also acknowledged its potential misuse, which might inadvertently promote unhealthy aspects of masculinity. This is a subject that requires more nuanced exploration.

      We've unanimously expressed the need for a supportive environment for men of all identities. This includes cis, gay, trans, and men of all other identifications. Despite potential challenges such as toxicity and inactivity, many believe this forum can serve as a respectful and positive space to engage in discussions about contemporary masculinity.

      Conversations have emphasized challenging traditional gender norms and fostering inclusivity. There's been a strong consensus against defining masculinity by outdated stereotypes. We've expressed a shared commitment to creating an environment welcoming everyone, regardless of gender identity. We also acknowledge the role of diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds in shaping our understanding of gender, which we deeply value.

      The topic of men's role in promoting gender equality has been prominent. We agree on the importance of men as allies in this movement. Tackling the rigid roles defined by patriarchal norms is crucial, as is having open and transparent conversations on these issues. Progress in gender equality benefits everyone - it's not a zero-sum game.

      We've also delved into gender norms, roles, and the usage of gendered language. It's been encouraging to see such scrutiny of societal expectations and a strong emphasis on promoting universally beneficial values and inclusivity. There's a shared understanding of the complexity of gendered language and how it can both define personal identity and represent broader affiliations.

      We've explored varied experiences in male-specific spaces. From the importance of representing all demographics to discussing the challenges of modern fatherhood, we've covered extensive territory. There's a shared commitment to guard against potential toxicity and ensure balance in all our discussions.

      We have expressed the importance of focused discussions on men's experiences. Challenging assumptions about masculinity and addressing men's issues from multiple perspectives can impact our society.

      I'm new to Tildes and not sure where to go from here. Given all the valuable insights and themes we've gathered, how can we adopt draft guidelines for our community? I suspect we can see how this develops organically, but I appreciate approaching things intentionally. Thanks for all the comments and discussions. It has me thinking much more broadly!

      83 votes
    45. Those of you with standing desks, how are finding them and would you recommend?

      I work from home 5 days a week and have done for years with the same chair (it’s nothing fancy). After a couple of hectic days at work this week I’ve found my back hurting. I’ve never had this...

      I work from home 5 days a week and have done for years with the same chair (it’s nothing fancy). After a couple of hectic days at work this week I’ve found my back hurting. I’ve never had this issue before as I usually take pretty regular breaks.

      I’ve been toying with the idea of a sit stand desk so when I’m busy I can still take a break from sitting.

      Does anyone else have experience and insight into the pros and cons?

      Thanks

      40 votes
    46. Bambu Lab P1P 3D printer

      I don't intend this to be a sales pitch or anything, I just wanted to share my impression of the Bambu Labs P1P 3D printer in case anyone on here was curious and maybe considering buying one...

      I don't intend this to be a sales pitch or anything, I just wanted to share my impression of the Bambu Labs P1P 3D printer in case anyone on here was curious and maybe considering buying one themselves.

      I have owned a few Prusa FDM printers over the years but recently tried the Bambu Labs P1P after seeing tons of rave reviews, especially in terms of how fast it prints. Anyone that has done any 3d prints knows that print time is among the least enjoyable aspects of the hobby: lots of waiting.

      Right out the gate, the P1P is a solid device with impressive construction given its relatively low price tag (I got it for $600 USD). And this thing easily rivals high performance machines in it's same "category", like the Prusa mk 3 and 4. And those are typically more expensive; the P1P comes 99.5% assembled at that price but a Prusa machine fully assembled is around 60% more expensive.

      Most of the "assembly" is just removing packaging, like zip ties, that kept the unit safe and secure during transit. Then you connect the power cable, screen, spool holder, and filament tube. And that's it. The whole thing took maybe 10 minutes.

      Getting the WiFi to connect is impossible for me at the moment, but I don't mind copying sliced gcode to the included microsd for printing. Sure, sending the gcode over WiFi would be super cool, but my Prusa doesn't do that so it's not like I've lost something. I'm hoping to eventually figure it out but that's not a deal breaker for me. I'm guessing I just need to temporarily move the printer next to the WiFi router but I haven't made time for it because I'm enjoying just printing off the card.

      With the included 0.4mm nozzle (a standard size), it prints typically 2 to 3 times faster. Something that takes 23 hours might take 11. Something that takes 3 hours might take 1. For larger and more complex prints, you can get stuff done so much faster. For smaller and simpler prints, you no longer need to plan batches either first thing in the morning or overnight, you can just start them whenever. Whatever you printed before, you can print 2 to 3 times as many in one go in the same amount of time.

      I don't have the AMS system but hope to get that at some point. If it has the same high quality build and performance as the P1P then I'm certain it will bring me simple multi-filament printing. And although I'm not nearly rich enough to afford more than 1 AMS, you can technically connect up to to 4 at once. Each unit holds up to 4 filament spools, so 4x4 means you could theoretically use 16 different filaments in a single print. The colors you could have! But each unit is like $350. Ouch.

      I only have 2 real gripes with it so far. First, it purges way too much filament at the start of a print. I get why it does that, it absolutely ensures that your filament is always properly primed to assist in printing that critical first layer correctly, but it feels very wasteful to have a seemingly-excessive amount of filament thrown away with each print.

      Second gripe is that the default spool holder is awful to access. You are likely to put the back of the machine facing a wall and that's where the spool holder will end up facing: the wall. You need to ensure the printer is a little more than two spool's width away from the wall - at the very least - so you can slide your spools on and off. Thankfully the bed doesn't move back and forth like with traditional fdm printers, thanks to the corexy technology, so you can more easily plan out where to put it and how much space it will need.

      I haven't messed around with them yet but I just got additional hotends for it that I will be testing soon. The pack I got contains 0.2mm for prints that require very fine detail, 0.6mm for prints where detail is slightly less important than speed, and 0.8mm for when you want to go fast and don't care how much detail you get. Because they use a proprietary construction of hotend, you must use theirs, but the upside is that it's fairly fast and simple to switch them out. Most hotends, you just replace the tip, the actual nozzle. But because filament can gunk up the threads, you need to run it hot to unscrew the nozzle, which is very dangerous. With the P1P, you just pull off the magnetic faceplate, undo a few screws, swap the hotend, put the screws back, and pop the faceplate back on. In just a few minutes, you're done. And no need to turn on the hotend either; just unload your filament prior, let it cool down, and swap away. A much safer and more pleasant experience.

      Overall, I'm in love with 3d printing all over again. It's the same feeling I got all those years ago when I did my very first 3d print. And sure, the Prusa is still great when you want high quality detailed prints. Going slow and steady wins that particular race still. But I get quality that is 90+% comparable to what the prusa gives me in exchange for literally 2x to 3x print speeds. That's an easy trade for me. And the slicer software estimates that some of my larger and less detailed prints could print in right 2/3 the time using the 0.6mm nozzle instead of the default 0.4mm. That translates to roughly 7 hours on my Prusa (0.4), 3.5 hours in my P1P (0.4), and 2 hours on my P1P (0.6). Given how much easier it is to swap out nozzles on the P1P, I can see myself actually doing that not frequently for certain prints that, like in my example, see substantial benefit.

      I'm very excited to see how this machine holds up in the long run!

      13 votes
    47. Anyone with DIY motorized bike experience? Considering building one!

      Hi Tildes! I'm a college student considering adding a gas motor onto my existing bike. I'm in a pretty hilly city, so biking around for groceries is kinda annoying... plus I wanna just zoom around...

      Hi Tildes!
      I'm a college student considering adding a gas motor onto my existing bike. I'm in a pretty hilly city, so biking around for groceries is kinda annoying... plus I wanna just zoom around some trails in my free time.
      Currently, I'm looking at one of the 49cc 4 stroke engine kits all over Amazon/Ebay, since I heard that 4 stroke motors are supposedly quieter and more reliable than 2 strokes. I don't care about speed... in fact, I don't want to be going over 30mph on a bike. 49cc also makes this thing street legal in my state.
      I did consider doing an e-bike conversion as well, but those are much more expensive... a 4 stroke kit is ~$160, while any reputable e-bike battery alone is more than that. These things don't burn much gasoline either, getting 100-150 mpg! I'd have to ride thousands of miles before the fuel cost exceeds an e-bike battery.
      So, any advice would be appreciated! Also, I'd be willing to spend ~300 on this if there is a compelling reason to get a better motor than the generic Ebay one. If you have motor suggestions, please link them!
      Thanks,
      purpuraRana

      13 votes