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    1. Gut check on contractor quote

      I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric...

      I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric fireplace insert, or an island hood. Anybody have any insight they're willing to share on this quote?


      Remodel estimate

      1. Planning and asbestos test $1,190.00
      2. Move range outlet $1,514.00
      3. Island hood $4,498.00
      4. Electric fireplace insert $4,133.00
      5. Main bathroom $36,552.00
      6. Hall bathroom toilet and fan with humidistat $3,579.00
      7. Concrete landings outside the front and back doors, front siding flashing $2,899.00
      8. Re-pipe plumbing $14,993.00
      9. Bedroom window glass replacement $749.00
        Total $70,107.00

      Description
      Plans will be refined. Drywall will be tested for asbestos content.
      Dust will be contained and floors will be protected.
      The range outlet will be moved.
      An island range hood will be installed. The placeholder hood in the estimate is a Zephyr Brisas.
      An electric fireplace insert will be installed. The placeholder fireplace in the estimate is a
      Dimplex 500001756.
      The main bathroom will be remodeled. The shower will be replaced with a pre-formed shower
      pan and Corian walls, and two shower valves and shower heads will be installed. A sliding
      shower door will be installed. The floor will be tiled. A new vanity cabinet, countertop, sink, and
      faucet will be installed. A new toilet will be installed. The vanity electrical outlets will be
      lowered, a larger lower mirror will be installed, a new vanity light will be installed. A ventilation
      fan and light will be installed with a humidistat/condensation sensor. Drywall will be patched.
      New baseboard trim will be installed. The bathroom will be painted.
      The hall bathroom toilet will be replaced. A ventilation fan with a humidistat will be installed.
      Concrete landings will be poured outside the front door and outside the back sliding door. The
      front door landing will be about 5-1/2’x4’ with a curved corner. The back landing will be about
      3-1/2’x3’.
      The plumbing in the house will be replaced. Drywall holes from installation will be patched and
      painted.
      Window glass will be replaced in the bedroom with the broken window pane.
      Everything will be cleaned up.
      All labor and materials are included.


      Thank you!

      9 votes
    2. Thank you. You helped me to plan for the best possible goodbye for my dog. It was today.

      https://tild.es/1anp I am very thankful for your help. It cleared our minds and we could do it in a peaceful way. His euthanasia was painful for us but not for him. The vet was awesome and we did...

      https://tild.es/1anp
      I am very thankful for your help. It cleared our minds and we could do it in a peaceful way.
      His euthanasia was painful for us but not for him.
      The vet was awesome and we did it maybe a week after the ideal time. We are sad, very sad, despite our brains saying that it was the best decision we are sad sad sad.
      Grief evolves and we kind of know it will get better.
      You were a great community, supportive and wise.
      Thanks again,

      58 votes
    3. Tildes’ 2023 Backlog Burner: Final Discussion

      November is coming to a close, and the Backlog Burner with it! Post your final updates, your completed Bingo cards, and any closing thoughts you have. What were the best games you found from...

      November is coming to a close, and the Backlog Burner with it!


      Post your final updates, your completed Bingo cards, and any closing thoughts you have.

      • What were the best games you found from digging through your backlog?
      • What surprised you?
      • What disappointed you?

      Also, another HUGE thank you to @Wes for his incredible bingo card generator.

      17 votes
    4. Tell me your Christmas ghost stories!

      Telling “scary ghost stories” at the holidays isn’t just a seemingly out-of-place line in the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” or the plot of A Christmas Carol - it’s actually a...

      Telling “scary ghost stories” at the holidays isn’t just a seemingly out-of-place line in the song “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” or the plot of A Christmas Carol - it’s actually a very old tradition stretching back to pagan Yule festivals and Winter Solstice celebrations. So please share yours with us: true or false, but preferably true.

      19 votes
    5. Meet Your Tildes Neighbour: August 2023 Edition

      Time to try something new! Remember the human. It's the golden rule, and knowing your neighbour helps a lot. This post is an opportunity to meet your fellow humans behind the screen/username, in a...

      Time to try something new!

      Remember the human. It's the golden rule, and knowing your neighbour helps a lot.

      This post is an opportunity to meet your fellow humans behind the screen/username, in a format somewhere between the "introduction" posts and the "casual AMA" one.

      Format: One top-level post per participant. Talk a bit about yourself (what you want Tildes to know about you), and pick one particular thing (hobby, passion, subject you studied) you really want to talk about.

      My engagement: I won't leave any top-level post unanswered for too long. But the goal is for others to interact so hopefully everyone's involved, not just me :)

      85 votes
    6. What are some corporate websites that you consider extremely reputable sources of information?

      I had a conversation with someone who teaches research skills at the university level. They said that incoming new students seem to start with the assumption that .org and .edu domain names can be...

      I had a conversation with someone who teaches research skills at the university level. They said that incoming new students seem to start with the assumption that .org and .edu domain names can be trusted for accurate information and .com domain names will be unreliable.

      I didn't find it hard to find dodgy nonprofits and sketchy colleges but do you know of any extremely reputable corporate sites that they could use as counter examples to this misinformed theory about how to find reliable sources online? I'm thinking maybe Bloomberg but would love to hear more.

      30 votes
    7. Are there any games that you have enjoyed playing without the HUD or mini-map? If so, which ones and why?

      I just posted this as a comment to someone who mentioned Horizon Zero Dawn, but figured there might be more discussion if I made a new post for it, so here goes: Are there any games that you have...

      I just posted this as a comment to someone who mentioned Horizon Zero Dawn, but figured there might be more discussion if I made a new post for it, so here goes:


      Are there any games that you have enjoyed playing without the HUD or mini-map? If so, which ones and why?


      One of my favorite gaming experiences was playing Zelda BOTW in its entirety without any HUD elements, just using the game's scenery and story to guide me. I loved it so much that I tried doing the same in other massive open-world games like Skyrim, Fallout 4, The Witcher 3, and Assassin's Creed Origins, but found that they relied too much on small details or markers in the minimap. So instead of feeling more immersed and in-tune with the game world, I just felt more frustrated at not knowing exactly where to go or which specific person or item to click on without the game explicitly telling me. I'm sure it can be done, but I found it nowhere near as pleasing as BOTW.

      I just recently picked up Horizon Zero Dawn and wondered if it could be played in a similar manner, without the map or other HUD elements, or if I'll end up needing some of them to know where to go or who to talk to.

      I'd love to hear any other recommendations or thoughts on this matter.

      28 votes
    8. Email provider recommendations? (Privacy-focused, paid-for)

      I have self-hosted my email for many years, but am finally encountering some straws that may be breaking the camel's back. A few email providers are now rejecting my server's mail, Microsoft in...

      I have self-hosted my email for many years, but am finally encountering some straws that may be breaking the camel's back. A few email providers are now rejecting my server's mail, Microsoft in particular (@hotmail, @outlook). (In case you're wondering, I already set up SPF, DKIM, DMARC, etc. and none of that is the issue.) Self-hosting was fine, and the technical admin work was never really an issue. I'm just tired of the external factors that are beyond my control, like belonging to an IP range that is scored badly by some random blocklist company.

      So, I'm now shopping for a good email provider. Privacy and security are important to me, and I am more than willing to pay for email, so all the usual "free" email providers are out of the question. (Update) Also, client access (IMAP, SMTP) is a must.

      For now, I am eyeing

      • Fastmail Standard plan @ 5 USD / mo
      • Proton Unlimited plan @ 10 USD / mo

      Proton is looking to be my choice among those two, as I like the replyable email aliases feature. 16 times the storage doesn't hurt, either.

      Any other recommendations in the same vein as these two, and in the same price range?

      35 votes
    9. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like judiciary, henry kissinger and popcorn. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like judiciary, henry kissinger and popcorn. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was taking notes.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      12 votes
    10. A rant about my father

      The whole narcissism/NPD thing gets talked about so much these days. I don't know if my father has that. But he no doubt has many of those qualities as he is extremely self absorbed, has been...

      The whole narcissism/NPD thing gets talked about so much these days. I don't know if my father has that. But he no doubt has many of those qualities as he is extremely self absorbed, has been neglectful throughout my life, and is incapable of looking inwards.

      There's a lot of back story but hopefully it's enough to say that I have had a strained relationship to my father since I came out as a transgender woman 5 years ago. Everyone else are able to use my new name and gender me correctly, like nobody ever makes a mistake anymore (and mistakes are okay in the beginning because it's new and confusing for everyone). But he continuously says the wrong thing and at times also does it on purpose if he's angry with me for whatever reason.

      So the last time I saw him was 3 months ago for a day of golfing with him and my brother, where the first few words he said to me outside of hello was calling me "drengerøv" - literally "boyass". The closest word in English is probably something like boy scout, asshole, or a gendered version of smart-ass. He wanted to get back at me for saying "hi old man" which I feel is a pretty normal thing to say to one's father and also he is 75 years old? But sure, maybe it was cheeky of me. I can see that. So I would have laughed if he called me a bitch or something. But his response was the final drop in the bucket for me because this is after so many conversations about deadnaming and misgendering these last several years. Months do pass without error, but then something like this happens out of the blue time and time again. For those of you who are also transgender, you know how traumatizing it can be. I have nightmares about him.

      So anyway the reason for my need to rant here is that three weeks ago, he texted that he wanted to come visit me, but I wrote back that I don't want to see him on account of how it went last time. He didn't reply until now, and I am just kind of in disbelief about how much of a non-apology it is. And it brings me back to the narcissism thing and something called DARVO: deny, attack, reverse victim and offender. He is always the victim no matter what. If he deadnamed or misgendered me in the past, it is always "well I was tired," or "I am very stressed," never an actual apology. And sure enough, this time it isn't either - he actually did use the word apologize a couple of times, but it felt like it was in the context of him feeling bad and being depressed about it rather than truly sorry.

      He for example wrote "I spoke to my psychologist and he fully understands that I feel like shit about being rejected by you" and "I am so nervous and afraid of doing the wrong thing again".

      Do you notice how it's all about him? Blaming me for rejecting him? How terrible and awful it is for him? In the words of Emily Blunt... You don't get to commit sin, and then ask all of us to feel sorry for you when there are consequences. I just don't fucking care. I'm done feeling sorry for the man who is supposed to be a father figure. Trying to make me feel bad about his fuckups is just... ugh.

      And knowing him, he probably wasn't honest with his psychologist about the situation in the first place because he always engineers situations to make himself look good. Even at his brother's funeral, my uncle, his speech was about being the boss of a hundred people in a company back in the day while kind of making fun of how silly it was that my uncle was a communist. My father is just completely incapable of being honest with himself and truly reflect about his behavior. These are all the same reasons my mom divorced him 10+ years ago, feeling very neglected by him. Even this he managed to years later turn on its head and refer to as "the time your mother failed me", like it is just ironic how he always does this and also unbelievable that he cannot himself realize it.

      So I think I'm pretty much done at this point. I almost always have to take the high road while he just continues to do his own thing without much of a care in the world until the consequences finally catch up with him. Everything about my relationship with him the last 5 years has been awful. Even if I wasn't queer, he still wouldn't truly care about me - anytime we've had lunch or something, we only ever talk about him. He would only ask how I was doing to be polite. It got to the point that if we talked on the phone, I would time how long it took for him to start talking about himself and it was rarely more than half a minute. One time, I didn't even manage to answer, like he didn't even pause after asking the question before going on to talk about his own shit.

      Another great example of this idiocy is when I woke up from anesthesia earlier this year after having triple jaw surgery. One of the first things he tried to talk about was how lucky he was that he found a good parking spot while I was literally in the middle of throwing up blood. I had tears in my eyes and my stomach was convulsing and I looked probably the worst he's ever seen me, and yet all he does is wrinkle his nose in disgust, turn to my mom (who, being sane, of course completely ignored him) and smiling while bragging about something as mundane as parking. Who does that? What the fuck!?

      I have been typing for more than an hour at this point so it's probably unhealthy to continue lol, sorry, and thank you for reading my rambling if you actually made it this far.

      32 votes
    11. Looking for a recommendation similar to Uprooted by Naomi Novik

      I've stumbled across other fantasy with a similar feeling, but curious if you all have some specific direction to point me in. I've read all of her other books so other books of hers are already...

      I've stumbled across other fantasy with a similar feeling, but curious if you all have some specific direction to point me in. I've read all of her other books so other books of hers are already off the list. I think the qualities that I enjoyed so much about it were:

      • decent writing style
      • light love story that wasn't the total focus
      • well developed characters
      • fun plot that wasnt over complex but still intricate enough to feel satisfying at the end
      • magical element with some novelty to it

      I read a few others in the past that felt the same, the one that jumps to mind is Daughter of the Forest by Juliet Marillier. Something about the plot or writing in these books is really gripping for me, keeps me hooked, and is really satisfying. I'm open to any suggestions you can throw my way, and thank you in advance!

      8 votes
    12. Designing my first DnD boss fight with a giant mimic (5x lvl 5 characters)

      Hello tabletop community, I am designing my first ever boss fight, meant to really challenge my players. I don't want to kill any of them off since we're all new and it feels weird to lose a...

      Hello tabletop community,

      I am designing my first ever boss fight, meant to really challenge my players. I don't want to kill any of them off since we're all new and it feels weird to lose a character, but I also want it to feel threatening. I could use some advice about how to execute this situation:

      Boss is a big mimic disguised as a blood fountain with 6 long tentacle arms, each of which will be it's own figure on the board that can be up to 3 tiles from the 3x3 mimic figure.

      Four of the tentacles have weapons that can deal 2d6 damage and have 30hp AC11 (roughly making it in line with a Brown Bear for threat and HP). They can grapple (squeeze the target) instead for 1d8 damage per turn, escapable on DC13 strength.

      Two of the tentacles have shield-like hard points that defend neighboring enemies by giving disadvantage on attack rolls against them. AC14 HP30. I couldn't find anything to base these on for an encounter designer app.

      Main body has low movement (10ft), and has 200hp AC19, and loses 20hp per tentacle lost. It has a bite attack +6 to hit 2d8. It also floods blood through sections of the room, forcing player movement and dealing 2d8 poison damage. I based it on a Roper for difficulty and attacks.

      I think this combination creature would provide a very interesting and movement focused fight, but I'm very new to DM'ing and I'm afraid of accidentally killing the players.

      My questions are: (1) How do I avoid accidentally killing everyone? (2) Is this fight too hard for a newbie group of 5 new players? (3) Any other cool ideas I didn't think of?

      9 votes
    13. What programming/technical projects have you been working on?

      This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's...

      This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

      16 votes