In December 2023, I had the AC replaced for the upstairs of our house. Installed was a "Bryant Preferred 2 Ton" 227TAN02400A and the corresponding Fan Coil FV4CNF002L00.

Two weeks ago, when the heat came (I'm in NE Florida), I noticed that our upstairs was not able to keep up. We keep it set to 73 both up and downstairs and the upstairs unit was just continually running from 11AM-7PM and never getting below 76-77.

A tech came out and let me know that, based on the pressures he was seeing, the expansion valve and coil needed to be replaced. It was under warranty, so I said sure, go for it. The install was scheduled for Monday, a week ago.

That tech showed up last Monday and replaced both parts. When he left, he said that we should be good to go and everything was looking great. Last week was a milder week for temperatures (mid to high eighties), but I did notice the humidity was still quite high in the upstairs (in the 70's and low 80's).

Things still didn't seem right by the end of last week, so I called again and they scheduled someone to come out today.

When the guy showed up today, he checked the pressures and said I was on the low side of the manufacturer's specs. He topped it off a bit and brought me to the high side of the manufacturer's specs.

Of bigger concern he said that my drain pan was cracked. He said this had been identified by the very first tech and the part had been on order since then. He said they installed the coil and valve to get things cooling better even though they didn't have the drain pan in yet.

Today was the first I heard anything about the drain pan. Anyway, they are trying to get that as soon as possible and will have to install it when it comes in.

So, now that the background is done, here's my question. Would this cracked drain pan cause my cooling issues? Right now (4PM) it is 97 outside. My downstairs unit has no problem getting me to 73 and 50% humidity (and shutting off). The upstairs unit is running non-stop and is at 76 (set to 73) and 83% humidity.

I understand that the crack in drain pan is making it "all wet" inside the air handler. I understand that can cause the humidity to be high, but would that also be the cause for cooling issues?

What gaming genre could use a renaming?
Why? (What makes its current name a bad/imprecise/clumsy one?)

Also, an optional follow-up:
What would you propose as a better name for the genre?
Why? (What makes it better?)

What are you worried about?

We started Pride month looking back, then we learned a bit more about others, then we reflected more on ourselves. I want to finish the month off by looking forward. The next two topics will ask about the future. This one asks about worries; the next one asks about hope.

Looking forward, what are you worried about? What concerns you most?

You can share worries that are social, political, personal, or something else entirely.

Addenda:

• Similar to last week: this is a safe space to talk about difficulties if you need to.

• Remember that unsolicited advice can come across as dismissive. It’s better to affirm and commiserate than trying to solve the problem (unless they specifically ask for help).

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: How are things with your family?
June 22nd: What are you worried about?
June 25th: (teaser: looking ahead, with optimism)
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

If I wake up with a medium full bladder, morning or middle of the night, sometimes I feel like my dream is still available and paused, and if I go back asleep right away, I can sometimes continue the dream. During these precious moments, while awake, I remember the details of my dream vividly.

On the other hand, if I go pee, then the dream rapidly fades away, like the door is shut. If I do dream again, it will be a completely new dream.

I haven't been good about keeping up my dietary log, but it could be related to certain foods, like if I had too much salt? Idk

Also a full bladder definitely doesn't guarantee dreams. I can have dreamless sleep with full bladder too, which is what makes me think my diet may be related too.

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on.

Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just ideas.

If you have any creative projects that you have been working on or want to eventually work on, this is a place for discussing those.

What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you.

It could be one quirky video that you feel deserves some eyeballs on it, or perhaps you've got a curated list of videos that you'd love to talk us through...

Share some of the best video content you've watched this past week/fortnight with us!

Busy today so can't do a write-up -- Sorry!

Next race:

Austrian Grand Prix
Red Bull Ring
Sunday, June 30

According to this scientific diagram, soup is the most neutral of ideas. If you tell someone you're having soup for dinner, they'll ask what you're eating with it, as if soup were not a meal in itself. That's a tragedy. Soup is right up with bread as a symbol of nourishment. It makes your veggies tasty, and it something you don't even need teeth to enjoy - a treat for either extreme of the age spectrum!

What is it that you think that soup needs to be exciting again? Is it just a special flavor or specific texture? Or do you need gimmicks like tortilla strips or bread bowls? Do you need exotic ingredients?

Soon, I'll be on a cruise with my elderly father. It really is the best and perhaps only kind of travel for him: no flights, no anxieties about language or getting lost or meals, all costs up front, private bathroom etc. But I'm also aware that cruises are really quite terrible as a human invention. I've got some ideas on making it up on the environmental and financial front.

Is there anything I could do about the human side of things?

I just saw Triangle Of Sadness with my partner and while we loved the film, it's also making me think about in what ways could I try to relate to the crew that will be taking care of me, without just adding more stress and burden and hypocrisy into the situation?

Could I ask Tildes members to critique these suggestions and offering some of their own?

1. Money. Cash on the first day or when we leave? From basic research it seems the built in gratuities are shared as a pool whereas drink and cash tips are personal.

2. Little notes of thank you left in the room or handed to the assined cabin staff person?

3. Small gifts? What would be acceptable and not "oh wow this person gave me junk gee thanks"

4. I'm wasting my time and being a hypocrite. Just don't even go or because I'm set on going, save the theatrics and live with the guilt?

This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

Hey everyone,

I'm currently getting close to releasing a piece of software and I think that engaging users and collecting their feedback to inform the development of future features is valuable. So, I am currently evaluating different specialized solutions to see which one is best.

Does anybody have a preference for a particular tool, or otherwise know which tools are the best in terms of functionality etc.?

Thanks in advance for your input!

I'll go back to comparing options and I'll check back in here later on. Have a nice one.

Edit: To clarify, I am looking for an end user-facing tool for a (currently closed-source) SaaS (I may eventually open-source it, but I'm a bit on the fence-I would have to weigh the pros and cons).

Currently, I'm using the Aero launcher, and I really like having all the names of my apps listed out, but if I could have something with a to do list and then swipe for apps, it would be kind of neat.

Other wish list functions:

• Folders for Apps.
• Able to add PWA or a URL to a list of apps.
• Start a search from searching through all apps.
• Corner widgets/shortcuts
• A pony!

Willing to poke around if there is an open source project I can add stuff too.

I've been having issues with powdercoating on top of zinc plated mild steel sometimes. Have issues like small dots visible instead of a smooth texture.

It looks like how a zit or pimple looks on the skin.

After zinc plating, it is pre heated for 15 mins at 150 degrees celsius. Then sand it with some 80 no sandpaper. Finally powder coat it and cure it again for 20 mins.

Amy inputs would be appreciated. Thanks guys.

Attached some images below:

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/Screenshot2024061610.jpg

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/18bScreenshot2024061610.jpg

Edit:
Hi guys, I posted recently about facing issues with powdercoating zinc plated mild steel. And I'm really thankful for all the responses I got. The zit like small dots I had last time were pretty much solved with outgassing.

I am now facing another issue where the product has sort of tiny indents or pinholes. I can get my nail in them. Shared some photos below. If you guys could shed some light on what these are and why this is happening despite outgassing, it would be great.

Currently outgassing the parts at 250 degrees celsius for 30 mins. The curing temperature after that is 200 degrees celsius for 20 mins.

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/WhatsAppImage2024062.jpeg

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/f15WhatsAppImage2024062.jpeg

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/15eWhatsAppImage2024062.jpeg

https://cubeupload.com/im/Temporalator/9caWhatsAppImage2024062.jpeg

Thanks everyone.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I use these right now on Debian:

ncdu

ncdu (NCurses Disk Usage): A disk usage analyzer with an ncurses interface, providing a fast and easy-to-use overview of disk space utilization. Ideal for identifying large directories and files in a user-friendly terminal interface.

duf

duf (Disk Usage/Free): A modern disk usage/free utility with a beautiful interface written in Go. It provides a quick and easy way to check disk usage across various file systems with color-coded output.

tldr

tldr (Too Long; Didn't Read): Simplified and community-driven man pages. Provides practical examples for commands, making it easier to understand and use without wading through lengthy and detailed man pages.

nala

nala (Next-Generation APT Frontend): A modern frontend for the APT package manager, designed to provide a more readable and user-friendly output for package management tasks.

Speedtest-cli

Speedtest-cli: A command-line interface for testing internet bandwidth using speedtest.net. Allows you to quickly check your upload and download speeds directly from the terminal.

htop

htop: An interactive process viewer for Unix systems. It provides a real-time, color-coded display of system processes, making it easier to monitor and manage system resources.

powertop

powertop: A tool for diagnosing issues with power consumption and power management on Linux systems. It provides detailed information on power usage by various system components and applications.

thinkfan

thinkfan: A simple fan control program for ThinkPads. It helps manage the system's fan speed to balance cooling and noise levels based on the temperature sensors.

tlp

tlp (Linux Advanced Power Management): A power management tool for Linux. It provides various configurations and options to optimize battery life on laptops without requiring manual tweaks.

flatpak

Flatpak: A system for building, distributing, and running sandboxed desktop applications on Linux. It provides a universal app distribution system that works across various Linux distributions.

neofetch

Neofetch: A command-line system information tool written in bash. It displays an aesthetically pleasing summary of system information alongside your terminal prompt.

iftop

iftop: A real-time console-based network bandwidth monitoring tool. It shows a list of network connections from/to your system and the bandwidth usage for each connection.

nano

nano: A simple, user-friendly text editor for the command line. Known for its straightforward and easy-to-use interface, making it a go-to for quick text editing tasks.

Edit
Oh wow! Thank you all for your suggestions!

I was looking around and found cheat; it's defined as a cheat that allows you to create and view interactive cheatsheets on the command line. Hopefully, someone else might find it helpful as well.

I've been interested in switching to Linux, or at least dual booting, for some time now as Windows has kept getting worse and Proton for Steam has been getting better. I'm particularly interested in trying Mint Cinnamon.

In every Linux thread on here or Lemmy, I always hear people complaining about Nvidia drivers for Linux or other hardware problems that they avoid by having AMD.

I have an Intel CPU and Nvidia GPU. How big of a problem is that, really? Does it make it an unbearable experience? Does it make it a lot more work to get things working? Does it make certain things impossible to get working? What's your experience?

Also for dual booting, I hear people have problems with Windows messing up their Linux install. Is that a common problem, or a few people having bad luck? Is that avoidable?

How are things with your family?

Share your current situation with your family, biological or chosen.

I debated whether or not to put this in the Pride Month topic rotation, because I know it can be a difficult topic for some and isn’t necessarily something with a celebratory/advocacy spirit.

I ended up deciding to include it though because I think space to process is also important. Hopefully people find value in it.

Addenda:

• This is a safe space to talk about difficulties if you need to.

• Sharing successes/positives is absolutely valuable too and can give hope to others.

• If someone shares hardship or sorrow, remember that unsolicited advice can come across as dismissive. It’s better to affirm and commiserate rather than trying to solve the problem (unless they specifically ask for help).

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: How are things with your family?
June 22nd: (teaser: looking ahead, with concern)
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

Has anyone out there hooked HomeAssistant up to a local LLM? I'm very tempted:

• Alexa integrations fail often. HomeAssistant integrations tend to be rock solid.
• Alexa is rule/pattern matching based. LLMs can understand natural language fairly well. The "magical incantations" required by Alexa are awkward.

Other than the software, the device side seems challenging. There are $50 fully-baked POP devices. I'm less sure on the DIY front.

Also, I desperately want my house to speak to me in the voice of the NCC-1701D computer. I've read enough now to know this should be achievable with a modicum of effort via OSS voice cloning tools or training a new model (same difference except "voice cloning" seems to often refer to doing this without training a whole new model?).

Thoughts? Experiences?

I've seen several pages that have led me to conclude this is tenable:

https://github.com/myshell-ai/OpenVoice

https://github.com/domesticatedviking/TextyMcSpeechy

https://github.com/mezbaul-h/june

https://www.home-assistant.io/voice_control/voice_remote_local_assistant/

https://heywillow.io/hardware/#esp32-s3-box-lite

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like proton, pentagon and zelda.echoes of wisdom. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was taking notes.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

I watch Countdown every day. For the last year I've had a t2.micro for free from AWS. Its been pretty good, but my year is coming up. I am looking for the cheapest VPN possible, which is often having my own VPS.

Does anybody have any suggestions? Most are around $6, which isn't too bad, but I'd love to get something cheaper; either in a reliable lowend box or a proper provider.

Second edit: It has been pointed out that my collaborators don't necessarily need to upload my files in order to work on them, and that the bigger the project/organisation, the more likely they are using their own system for managing content rather than the Adobe Creative Cloud. I didn't realise that not using the CC is an option. In conclusion, I can still collaborate with Adobe's customers as long as I ask them to never upload my work to the Adobe CC.

Edit: After sleeping on this, here's my biggest gripe with terms like these.

Regardless of the contents of Adobe's TOS, I cannot be forced to accept them as long as I'm not their customer. Similarly, people who don't use an imaginary social media app called "Twitter" can't be subjected to Twitter's terms of service even if for some reason Twitter had access to these people's data. If Twitter wants to make an agreement with non-customers, they must get these people's explicit consent. Writing stuff in their TOS doesn't cut it because those are directed at customers. Corporations absolutely can't have the right to make me a customer without my informed consent.

As it stands, given Adobe's market share, I would either have to accept their terms when it comes to my work that gets uploaded by third parties, or I can never get my work published again. This is completely unacceptable. Even if the terms were the most gracious and reasonable terms anyone has ever seen (which they aren't), I would still have the right to refuse them. This right cannot be taken away from me. Adobe has done nothing to show how they intend to separate non-customer content from customer content, which most likely means they have no plans to do so and certainly aren't doing it at the moment.

Organisations that are Adobe customers and want to publish/edit content produced by non-customers will have an insurmountably tough task trying to draft a solid contract with these people. In order to protect themselves from future disputes, they will have to get explicit consent for everything that I quoted in this post, for all imaginable and unimaginable purposes. The rest of the TOS (the parts that I didn't quote) is legally too fuzzy to be put in a contract, and as far as I know, the term "generative AI" doesn't even have a legal definition yet. Essentially, Adobe is making their own customers do their dirty work for them. Good luck with that.

Original post:
Adobe receives an unrestricted license to use all uploaded content however they please, according to their TOS.

Let's say I am a professional photographer, but I don't use Adobe software to edit my work because I don't want to grant Adobe a license to do whatever they want with it. Now, let's say that High End Art Magazine wants to publish some of my photos in their Hot New Photo Artists section. Most likely they are using Adobe software. To create the magazine layout, they are going to have to upload my photos. I haven't used Adobe since they put everything in the cloud, so I wouldn't know how the process actually works, but I doubt that Adobe asks about the ownership of each uploaded file. Do they? The magazine editor does not have the right to grant Adobe any sort of license to my work. It's not their content, they are merely presenting it. The end result: Adobe has content on their servers that they do not have a license to use however they wish, no matter what they put in their TOS, and they most likely have no way to tell this content apart from the rest.

The above example is simplified. I am actually not a photographer, but an artist in another field. Publishing my work involves images that are put together by a team of people, each of whom must be able to deny using the resulting photo without their explicit consent. How can cases like these be handled? If I care about how and where my and my team's work is used, will I have to stop collaborating with anyone who uses Adobe products? Even that won't necessarily protect us. Uninformed people can still grab an image form somewhere and use it for a school project or something. This used to be okay as long as you didn't publish the result, let alone try to profit from it financially. But now, if you use Adobe software to edit your project, ethically you can only use unlicensed content as your source material and everything else is off limits.

From the Adobe TOS:

...you grant us a non-exclusive, worldwide, royalty-free license to do the following with your Cloud Content:

reproduce
distribute 

create derivative works 

publicly display 

publicly perform and
sublicense the foregoing rights to third parties acting on our behalf

And:

“Content” means any text, information, communication, or material, such as audio files, video files, electronic documents, or images, that you upload, import into, embed for use by, or create using the Services and Software.

To be clear, I get that the TOS is meant to enable Adobe to run their services in the cloud. At least for now. But there are no guarantees that this will remain the sole purpose of that license. I prefer to simply not grant them any sort of license to use my work. Obviously, I must have a right to deny corporations such a license for whatever reason, at all times.

For comparison, when I started using Reddit, I read through their TOS and decided that it looked predatory. I have always refrained from posting things that I wouldn't want them to use for extracting financial gain. I was happy about that decision last year.

Does anyone know if the Adobe TOS are different for organisations that routinely handle large amounts of content that they do not own the rights to?

I'm thinking something I could use for news, with a feed that I curate myself. I'd open the app in the morning and see that I have a feed with five newstoks in it. I swipe to the first one, general updates from my local news, swipe for the weather, swipe for sports, etc. They'd all be short-form, and take the same amount of time it would take me to skim a newspaper. Once I get through each "card," my feed is done and I can put the app down and go about my day.

I could curate this feed to contain only the sources I want, and ideally content would not be user-generated, and instead more akin to traditional television with regularly scheduled programs. Then I can check at breakfast and see all the early news programs, check at lunch and see mid-day content, and ditto for the evening.

I'm not going to ruminate about social media, content, and news, but this would be a very refreshing change of pace instead of constantly being protective of my time, since everything is designed to suck away as much of it as possible.

A guy can dream, right?

Gonna see DIIV later this month, St. Vincent in August, and Interpol in November.

I saw TOOL earlier this year, and they were awesome, but man, their new songs and album are so much more "Ehh" than the others.

What concerts have you gone to or will go to this year?

Edit: This community is amazing, thank you all for all of your suggestions. Feel free to keep them coming. I have a Google doc full of ideas with my comments that I'm going to drop on him. I was trying to respond to everyone and then discovered that Tildes will rate limit you. So if I don't respond to you, I'm sorry but I definitely read your comment and checked out your suggestions!

My friend suffers from depression and lives 6 hours away from me so the happiest I see him is when we are regularly gaming together. The problem is that I haven't been able to find a game we both wanted to play for a while.

I just cannot get into all the survival crafting games that seem to dominate co-op gaming these days. I am looking for suggestions for anything else. Also, it needs to be an online co-op instead of a couch co-op.

His computer isn't the best so that needs to be a consideration, nothing wrong with older games. Ideally we are talking about PC games on Steam.

Examples:

• we played a ton of Risk of Rain 2, probably the last game we played a lot together
• we have played through Halo co-op a bunch of times.

Who has ideas for me?

Next horror film is the cannibal horror movie X from 2022 directed by Ti West. A prequel Pearl was filmed at the same and released later the same year. Comments on that is welcome as well in the discussion.

IMDb
Letterboxd
Wikipedia

Since this is the month of horror movies, did you find it scary, unsettling, creepy, eerie, spooky or horrifying?

The rest of the schedule for June is:

• 24th: The Exorcist (1973)

I'm looking for recommendations for good web tech job sites, ones which are most likely to lead to interviews. While I can always do a websearch myself, I haven't done a job search for many years, so I don't know what job sites are trustworthy or not nowadays. Working remote is almost must-have, otherwise Canada would be the region of interest.

What media representation resonated with you personally?

In teaching, we talk about kids’ need to access diverse literature in the framing of “mirrors” and “windows”. A mirror is a character that the child can see themselves in; a window is a character that is different and requires perspective-taking.

A gay child seeing a gay character in a story might see that character as a mirror of themselves, while straight readers might see the character as a window instead, offering some perspective into what it’s like to be gay.

No mirror or window is a perfect match, of course, and people can still identify with characters who don’t exactly align with their identities (which is what makes fiction such a powerful tool for empathy!).

Share some of the characters and people that have resonated with you (whether as windows or mirrors) across any media types (books, movies, television, music, comics, anime, podcasts, etc.).

They can be people who helped you understand yourself better, or people who gave you insight into others' experiences (or both!).

Addenda:

• They do not need to be fictional characters. Real-world people can be windows and mirrors too!

• You don’t have to specify whether someone’s a "window" or a "mirror" for you unless you want to. It’s a simple shorthand way of helping kids understand the concept, but it can feel a little limiting and boxy for adults to use it, since people and characters are complex individuals.

Event Guidelines

Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics.

I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.

Schedule

I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
June 13th: Ask almost anything
June 16th: What media representation resonated with you personally?
June 19th: (teaser: a check-in on those close, or maybe not so close, to us)
June 22nd:
June 25th:
June 28th:

If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

I watch it every year, though it's not ideal to follow from the Pacific time zone of the United States.

My daughter and I always get up super early on Sunday morning (6 AM) to watch the last hour of the race. My dad has started coming over to our house to watch the last hour with us, too.

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

I'm looking for tv shows, films, animation that feel unique, smaller and less like it was made to order and taken through incessant A/B testing and market research and more like a creative type was given a bit of freedom and went with it, and least to a point.

I've been in therapy for ten years.

Recently, I hit a local minimum. I saw where the rest of the curve would take me, if I did not change somehow. It would end me early—maybe even in a few years or less.

And I saw what was holding me back.

I've had emotional scars accumulated from an early age. That kind of trauma seems to have a way of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy; my life has been replete with repeated traumas. I've been reliving those root traumas over and over again, in my own mind, overlaid atop later events that only found correlation due to triggering those old wounded emotions.

I understand this to be called "CPTSD" in more civilized parts of the world than where I live: the United States. (As far as I know, the DSM-V does not acknowledge CPTSD.) I digress.

In therapy, I had identified two deeply wounded "parts" of myself: one represented by an ostracized seventeen year old Exile who attempted in all but direct intent to end himself and the other an emotionally abused and rage-filled ten year old Inner Child.

Recently, I healed the seventeen year old part. I saw how it was hurting me. Its expectation, its fear, of exile fueled nearly half of my life. My therapist and I pushed on it. What was preventing me from changing?

It was the fear of what I would become without it. Would I lose my wife? Would I lose my identity? Would I lose everything?

But it was this or my life. So, in that moment, I made a choice.

Instead what happened was something unexpected. The Exile flourished. It was as though my teen and 20 something years had been rewritten: a Back to the Future moment. It was no longer The Exile. It was transformed into something else entirely. It became strong and confident. Tapping into that part, by choice, I now seem to be able face most situations that would once cause near panic with, instead, determination. I persevere. I even seem, at times, to flourish.

However, the rage-filled Child remains. He is more activistic. He still has the sense that he will be punished for some perceived wrong. When provoked, he doesn't feel anxiety from these imagined tortures, he feels rage.

In my meditations, now, I attempt to integrate with this newfound strength to then reach out to and show more compassion to the Child—to salve his fear and show him that we, together, as a being, are now strong. I am hopeful.

In these ways, I am remade.

I still recognize old pieces. And, yet, there is so much new, so much yet undiscovered, that I confound myself with what is now easy and what remains difficult (but difficult in new ways). I am increasingly kinder to myself, allowing more connection with others, particularly those I would once consider incompatible, and perhaps even beginning to become physically healthier.

I can see a light at the end of the tunnel. Or, perhaps, I am only now stepping into that light, after decades.

How have you become more than your past traumas? How have you transformed for the better? How did you accomplish it?

EDIT: I shared this in the hope that it inspires. There can be healing, though it can take years and much effort. I would love to hear your stories of hope!

EDIT2: Feeling self-conscious, this all was decidedly not a humble brag. I never imagined that this sort of abrupt transformation was possible. However, it was a culmination of literally a decade of therapeutic intervention and hard work.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

My husband and I are ignorant out of touch Americans just now catching up on 2024’s competition (“Rim Tim Tagi Dim” is my personal winner).

I know a few highlights from previous years (“Euphoria”, “Discoteque”, “Think About Things”) but would love to know what highlights I’m missing from previous years and decades.

Let me know any and all recommendations you have, whether it’s just a good song, or whether the performance itself is worth looking into.

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

Quick search on Tildes brought up this five year old post asking how many folks here are asexual - spoiler alert, no replies which identified themselves as ace.

I was asked in the Pride Month intro thread by @arqualite about my relationship, and @Sparksbet shared his experience, and while I didn't want to derail that wonderful and celebratory discussion by talking too much about my one specific relationship, I also definitely want to talk about myself as well, so I am super hoping for two things for this thread:

1. Some discussion about ace spectrum in general - questions, answers, curiosities, insights, anything that might be helpful for folks new and old to the concept, on every segment of the spectrum or attraction layer cake

2. Just one tiny sub comment where I could use some advice and get some clarity .....and a digital hug if you could spare one

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!