This isn't a complaint at all and it's maybe not even true, it's just a genuine question I have: why does there seem to be so many posts about Denmark relative to its size? I feel like I see more posts about Denmark than practically any other European country. Do we have a lot of Danes here or am I just crazy? :P

In the spirit of "what are you reading?", "what are you playing?" etc. threads I see regularly posted in other groups, come tell us about your campaign! Whether you're a GM or a player, share with us what you're playing and how its going.

What game system are you using and what do you think of it? How many sessions has your current game been running? How's your group doing? Did something cool or funny happen in the last session? What are you looking forward to in the next session?

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

Hi Tilderiños,

This post is long enough for a TLDR: I made this thing, it's a platform for conscious consumerism. I'm launching the beta on Tildes. It's far from complete, expect imperfect scores in many cases. Scoring is a work in progress that's part of the platform but not the sole focus. It's invite only, and on Tildes only, see my top level reply below or DM me for an invite.

To start, I'm a long time member who posts enough that at least some of you would recognize my username. I made a new account for this project because I don't want to think about being a representative on my main account.

Early on during development I decided Tildes would be the perfect place to launch a private beta because Tildoes are some of the best people on the internet in my experience. And also fairly diverse by internet standards. Aside from a handful of friends and family you'll be the first to see it.

I should give you a little backstory. A couple of years ago I lost my income. Fortunately we were in a place where we could mostly afford to live without it for a while, so I had some time to figure out what I wanted to do next. For context I have over 30 years of experience in software development. Similar for marketing, brand strategy, business development, mostly but not exclusively in the context of the internet. I'm not quite as old as that sounds, I was still a minor when I starting building things on the internet, back when almost no one really knew what the internet was or what to do with it. In short, I'm comfortably fluent in all the languages of the internet.

I've built all sorts of different types of applications and businesses, mostly commercial. This time I wanted to build something that would have a positive impact and I wanted that to be the point, rather than a side effect. I spent most of a year researching the feasibility of a number of ideas before I landed on this one.

I've been on the internet long enough to see a lot of well meaning ideas fall flat. At this point I have no idea if this is another one of those. I know the concept is solid, but that doesn't mean it will inspire people. Or more specifically in this case, be a platform people can use to inspire each other. This is complicated by my intention to be as uncynical as possible about the project. I know all sorts of tricks for capturing attention and creating hype, I know how to monetize an app and sell products. But all of that feels out of place to me if the goal in uncynical. No doubt Tilders could have a long conversation here about the balance between good intentions and practical reality. I'd have lot to contribute.

The Ethoscore Project is an attempt to make the entirely unsexy concept of conscious consumerism easy and accessible. I genuinely believe it's a viable way to make the world a little better. It includes things like company scores and community lists (including boycott lists) and accepts community contributions and corrections for every company data point including scoring. I won't make a wall of text about all the functionality and features here, you can find out more on the site.

The project is currently self funded, which will hopefully be able to last long enough to see if the idea has potential. For now, funding is a problem for later.

The roadmap is long and wide. There are so many things I want to add, at least some of which aren't terrible ideas, but at this point development has been going on for over a year and I think it's time to see what strangers think. The project's 50k lines of code took time but the larger part of development has been company research, there are currently over 15,000 brands and companies covered, which is really just a start.

You might imagine that researching the international conglomerates that own most of the brands we see would be depressing in a capitalist dystopia sort of way and you wouldn't be wrong. But there's also more good news that I expected. There are big, successful companies doing the right thing when they don't have to. More than you'd expect. And there's evidence that their practices are inspiring other companies to do the same. I don't know if it's outpacing the general capitalist race to the bottom but it's not nothing! I see reasons for optimism.

I'm hoping some of you will be kind enough to take a look. I welcome all questions, contributions and feedback. The company database and scoring are far from complete, my goal for the beta was to have enough coverage that scanning products at a big box grocery store would result in more hits than misses. I think scoring is necessary but, to me, community lists are more interesting and have more potential to be useful. At this point there are going to be a lot of bugs, imperfections and companies with scores that seem off. I want to hear about all the issues you encounter. I'm more excited about your impressions and ideas though. How does it feel to use it? Does it make sense? Is it low friction? As a user is there something important missing that you'd expect to be there? What works well? Would you do anything differently?

There aren't smartphone apps yet, I want the codebase closer to complete before I start on the joys of maintaining two more codebases and dealing with the app stores. You can install it as a PWA (web app) on your phone if you like, which mostly just makes it quicker to access. I definitely recommend using your phone if you want to play with the barcode scanner.

Throughout the beta the app will be invite only and available only to Tildes users and people I personally invite. See top level comment below for an invite.

This is the ninth Tildes Book Club Discussion for 2026 and the twenty-ninth overall. We are discussing Dr. No by Ian Fleming.

I don't have a particular format in mind for this discussion, but I will post some prompts and questions as comments to get things started. You're not obligated to respond to them or vote on them though. So feel free to make your own top-level comment for whatever you wish to discuss, questions you have of others, or even just to post a review of the book you have written yourself.

For latecomers, don't worry if you didn't read the book in time for this Discussion topic. You can always join in once you finish it. Tildes Activity sort, and "Collapse old comments" feature should keep the topic going for as long as people are still replying.

And for anyone uninterested in this topic please use the Ignore Topic feature on this so it doesn't keep popping up in your Activity sort, since it's likely to keep doing that while I set this discussion up, and once people start joining in.

Sorry everyone for yet another post about the ~life.women post but the second thread about that same topic in ~life.men made me realize we could have used two separate threads from the start.

Instead of hoping that all the men instinctively knew to stay quiet and be dissappointed when some inevitably failed to notice, there'd be less friction if the people had two separate discussion spaces, one meant for women as the current default expectation (and be in ~life.women), and another (either in ~life.men or ~life) to provide an outlet for those who have things to say but nevertheless feel uneasy doing so in the same space.

There need not be any compulsory gatekeeping. The conversations in the two above 2 threads have me believe that if the option was available, and people were made aware, most would be considerate enough to know where to go and respect boundary.

Women who don't want to having to bother wading through seas of men's opinions regardless of how well-intentioned, could now conveniently hit 'Ignore' on the alternative thread once and be done with it. Or if that thread was in ~life.men and they have already unsubscribed, nothing to be done and the experience would be seamless.

Some potential concerns:

Ideally this setup needs to be done as early as possible from the moment the sensitive post goes public.

Maybe the poster themselves could create the two threads from the start.

However, I imagine in practice this would not be most common scenarios. The average users are not tuned in to all the potential sources of drama and just post whatever they find interesting first, only realsing when there's blowback after the fact. So the cases when this approach may be needed would also more likely be reactive. (Maybe with a pinned comment, a title change and a 2nd post. Since we cannot do pinned comment, probably have to rely on boost voting to keep it on top).

The people who are in position to make the judgement of when to create this setup are veteran and highly trusted member of the community. Someone who has been around enough to be able to quickly recognize the common painpoints for the community, able to remain impartial without getting dragged into the conflicts themseves, and know when such intervention is warranted. They're users who people can trust that if they do so, it's not an attempt to control the narrative.

Normally if I come up with any random ideas, I'd prefer to test it out myself and see the results directly. However, this is the kind that requires buy-in from the whole community, as well as the right people to take the helm. Hence this post. The ultimate aim is maintaining harmony among the community. If you think it's worth a try, you may also choose to nominate who you think is trustworthy enough for this responsibility. Those who may want to step in could benefit from the confidence boost that others trust them.

This post is motivated by the recent event with the ~life.women post but I hope it's clear the proposal is aimed at being a more general approach to future conflicts of similar nature.

Edit: Welp, I gave this a shot. See everyone here again in a few months :)

We each shape our living spaces in our own ways, and I feel like sharing your own approach can often help inspire others.

This could be anything, small or large; from the kinds of furniture you prefer and how you arrange it, to the standard home improvement work, to how you decorate your spaces, and even how you choose to use them.

Desk setups/home offices/battlestations all count, and pictures are welcome!

Step 1: Post anything with a rage bait title
Step 2: Some poster comes in with an obviously bad take
Step 3: That obviously bad take gets upvoted/liked/whatever
Step 4: Now people have to engage with it because it's been pushed to the top
Step 5: Drama/engagement/so much traffic tho

Social media sites just automated steps 1-3 and all us dummies fall right into it.
I wish there was a meta category? Is there? #meta-tildes
Edit: oh there is a ~Tildes. apologies.

If you have more than one passion, try and pick the one you are... Most passionate about!
If you can't, then go for it, explain why you have more than one.

• What is your passion? If it's something obscure tell us about it!
• How did you end up with that passion? What was the inspiration?
• How long has it been your passion?
• How do you practice or express it?
• Sell it to someone reading, why is your passion so great to you?

I just got the newer version of Firefox (v157.0) and I'm amazed at how snappy it is. It feels like Firefox does when you have 0 extensions, except that I have uBO and a few others.

It used to feel so sluggish, pages took 500ms or even 1 second to display anything after typing the address, but no more; they render almost instantly.

A very nice surprise indeed!

If you left Firefox because it was too slow, now's the time to ditch Chrom{e,ium} and reign Google's chokehold on standards and utter contempt for privacy in!

Ran some benchmarks on an X230 (i5 3rd gen):
FF 156
speedometer: 3.27
jetstream 3: 65.3
motionmark: 456.52 60fps +-7.50%

FF 157
speedometer: 7.16
jetstream 3: 68.49
motionmark 593.57 60fps +- 8.93%

The speedup is quite noticeable

This is not a request for new rules, as Deimos has made it clear that is not going to happen. This is not a callout post for any individual, including our esteemed admin, or any one user.

This is an honest, earnest plea. I like to joke on Tildes, so this is quite hard to write.

I've been on Tildes for a few years now, under various usernames. This site has consistently lost great users because people come into ~life.women and ~lgbt to say versions of 'I haven't seen that', 'that's not my experience', or 'I don't think this is a big issue.'

We lost another user today over this issue. People aren't aware of it, because by the time people are so disgusted they leave, it's usually just a PM notification to their closer contacts who tend to be in a similar headspace, not a dramatic announcement on the front page.

Tildes is for discussion. It is not for 'let me tell you why you are wrong', no matter what wording you use. This type of action is explicitly against the core ethos of the site.

If you are struggling to imagine ways in which you can hold back from bringing negativity to a space you are not welcome, here are two examples from my experience of using the site. The following are two things many users care passionately about:

• 1. AI. I do not believe the conversation about it is interesting. Sometimes, the way it's talked about makes me actively angry. But many users of this site find conversation about AI enriching and enjoyable. Instead of me following my instant reaction and commenting to say 'I think this is boring, and this never impacts my life', I filter the posts, or do not read them.
• 2. I don't know what it's like to be a programmer. The plight of programmers is foreign to me. From the outside, looking in, I could make a bunch of assumptions about the hardships experienced by programmers, or system adminstrators, or software engineers are often saying they are experiencing on this site. Instead of saying 'have you tried finding another job?' or 'Well, I've never seen that', to call into question your experiences, I do not comment, because I know nothing about it.

The experiences of women, who are a minority on this site, are things that the vast majority of users do not have first-hand insight into. The same goes with gay users, asexual users, intersex users, gender non-conforming users, and users who are queer in a way I may never have come across before.

The pile-ons in these two groups are persistent, ongoing, and I have observed them for enough time to know it's generally not intentional, and it is relatively user-churn agnostic. This site attracts more cisgendered heterosexual men than it does women or queer people. That's how it is.

I am not asking for a verification system where you have to prove your bona fides before commenting. I am not asking for these groups to be quarantined off, because that further marginalizes minority groups on the site.

I am asking for users who are not women, or identify as queer, to think very carefully before posting comments that (regardless of the intention) are perceived time and again as invalidating the real experiences of people you do not know, and cannot experience yourself.

I am very sad that a lot of the people I have made close connections to on Tildes have left due to the prevalence of this issue. We know now that the site is feature-complete. You either try and set the culture, or you end up with one.

I would like us to set a culture that is more respective of the spaces intended for women and queer people to discuss issues pertaining to their lives. I am very upset that this continuously is a challenge, especially for members who post, comment, and lurk in those groups.

If you constantly feel the need to 'challenge' or 'dispute' articles and posts made in those groups, please examine why. This cycle of members of these groups having to explain sexism and oppression to people who have not experienced it in the same way women and queer people do is exhausting, and puts the emotional labor on the minority groups on this site.

The majority of the site is very welcoming to heterosexual men. Regardless of your intention, please do not 'just ask questions' or feel the need to say 'You know, I've never seen that!' or 'This reminds me of when my Project Manager called me out at a scrum unfairly.'

We are losing valuable intellectual, cultural, and gender diversity over the persistence of the issues outlined above. If you don't care about this, that sucks, but it makes Tildes a much better place for me and many others who are sadly no longer here.

TL;DR: If you're inserting yourself into Tildes groups about women's lives and the discussion of LGBT issues without being a member of either group in your actual life, please think twice before posting quick reactions to content that may have made you defensive, or content that you (for whatever reason) feel the need to disprove.

Assuming good faith, your unsolicited opinion about a topic you have not experienced personally is consistently not welcomed by the contributors, commenters, and lurkers who use those groups to discuss issues impacting them directly.

If you find the content annoying or feel the need to debate its veracity constantly, simply unsubscribe. It is not hard. It is the base level of respect this community relies on to survive.

I am sorry if this is coming across as aggressive, mean-spirited, or me taking on airs above the station of a normal user. That's not my intention, but I hope these words perhaps help other men on Tildes to think about the issues raised here in a different way.

I am a user, asking others like me to be kind and thoughtful. If you need help in how to unsubscribe from groups, or how to set up topic tag filters, please ask in this thread and many users will be able to assist you. It is a system I didn't initially find intuitive and am still learning about.

Thanks.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like kindness, certificates.security and php. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was scratching their head.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

I am honestly not sure making this post is a good idea, but I want to at least make an honest attempt at this topic and putting it in ~life.men - because it seems silly that this topic tends to get more discussed in ~life.women - and it obviously rarely ends well.

Please approach this with the best good faith intent and lets be civil.

I am 100% in the target group for that video, though I hope this doesn't end up being just another discussion of the same video but the topic in general, as I am a straight white man having worked in tech for two decades. And I am manager with women on my team, and I have been rightfully called out on certain biases and can recognize having glossed over problematic behaviour in the past.

I personally don't take much offense on the #YesAllMen thing, but I can understand why it can be irksome and there is a part of the me where it doesn't quite feel right to me, even though I know it isn't intended that way. It can feel like being lumped together in a "guilt by association" type of way, that we generally don't accept with other groups in society. And what I often have a problem with in these types of discussions, is how a very wide range of problems with very different severity is being lumped together - and I don't think that is fruitful. We see examples of open hostile sexism like "you fucking whore" or outright sexual assault, and most men of course don't recognize themselves in those sort of examples, and thus get defensive. Instead we should be more open to look at all the seemingly "minor" things that aren't as severe, but from what I think I understand from women on being a minority in a workplace is the "death by a thousand cuts"-effect. A constant reminder of seemingly minor things that just adds up, and is rightly being experienced as part of more severe forms of sexism.

Not sure where I am going with this - as I didn't write this as a well thoughtout thesis - just a quick way to try to start a hopefully healthy discussion in the right space, but I assume no men here on Tildes are outright sexually assualting women, but I would 100% believe that most of us still have blind spots that could be improved and is indirectly part of the problem.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

I share some posts from my blog here, and almost all of them have a meta-discussion regarding “self-promotion”. The latest prompted me to bring up a proper meta-discussion on the subject.

Tildes' Code of Conduct says:

If you have your own site/project/channel/etc. that you'd like to share on Tildes, that's generally fine (in moderation), but it shouldn't be the primary reason that you post on the site. Tildes is a community, not a free advertising platform. Sharing your own content is welcome as long as you're involved in the community, but don't just treat Tildes as a source of an audience.

I guess we need to address what constitutes “moderation” and sharing one's own stuff as “primary reason”. Am I abusing this rule? If so, why? If not, what am I doing to avoid abusing it? (Using myself as a “control group” for the discussion; feel free to bring made up examples.)

As I said elsewhere, I like the discussions that happens here, try to engage in topics other than mine, and I share my blog posts candidly.

I am a hobby programmer and spend most of my evenings coding. My monitor has a built-in backlight, but I've always found that just a bit too weak for my liking. Turning on the lamp in the room is too bright and produces glare, using a table lamp is directional and imbalanced. Using an LED strip on the underside of the table does not illuminate my desk at all, so it's not particularly useful.

Recently, I stumbled across monitor lights again, and for some reason impulse-bought one. A super simple ~45cm wide, dimmable straight one with warm white colour. Let me tell you this thing is incredible. It provides exactly enough light without producing glare. The light comes from the centre and my hands cast an unobtrusive shadow. I've only used it for a couple of hours at this point, but the difference is remarkable. My eyes feel way less strained.

For context I'm using a 32:9 UW monitor with 1800R curvature, so this doesn't cover more than ~40% of the screen, yet there is absolutely no visible glare at all! The monitor looks completely unaffected.

Do you use one as well? What's your experience with it?

You start at max level with everything unlocked. As you play the game, you slowly level down, choosing which attributes to reduce and which skills to forget.

Obviously, it will have to be tied to the story - maybe you are poisoned/cursed in a fantasy game, or an implant is malfunctioning in a sci-fi game. I'm sure a good writer can come up with something really cool to justify it narratively.

It will solve many problems modern RPGs have:

1. Solves "the world-saving heroes are a bunch of murder hobos" issue. If killing levels you down, players will avoid killing as much as possible. Like, you know, actual heroes would.

2. Fits the actual player skill level. When you start a new game, you are bad at it. Makes sense to compensate by giving you powerful abilities. Late game you know how to play well, you know the enemy weaknesses, you know how everything works. You can successfully kill the enemy with a much weaker character.

3. Allows you try out stuff. You can try the abilities before you forget them, see what you like to keep. In current RPGs you don't know which are the cool (or needed) abilities so you might spec into something you dislike. The current "fix" is to allow players to respec later, but that always felt like a bandaid solution. And a bad one at that, as it removes the weight of making choices, as you know you can always undo it. And respeccing rarely makes sense narratively.

4. Fixes pacing. Current RPGs start strong with the story, but then people put it on hold to do lots of side content. 80 hours of chasing question marks and 117 games of gwent later, people barely remember what the story was about and kinda speed through it just to finish it, because they are already kinda done with the game. But if you had leveling down, people would be naturally incentivized to move on and not level down too much in the same area.

5. Creates urgency. I hate the ludonarrative dissonance in RPGs where the world is supposedly about to be destroyed, but the heroes are busy solving every rando's basement rats problem. It's ridiculous.

6. Gives side-quests weight. Do you wanna help that orphan and level down, even though they won't give you anything? Or help the rich asshole who'll give you a powerful weapon you'll need late game? Or maybe you help both and spend hours on the next battle because you were underleveled, making you think twice before helping everyone in the next village?

7. Solves item hoarding. People love to keep potions and scrolls for later "just in case". But that "case" never comes because you only get more powerful later on. But if you were to get weaker, those items are actually needed late game. A lot more uses for that stamina potion if your stamina actually is shit.

8. Creates replayability. Instead of doing one run of a 200 hour bloated game, where you kinda got tired of it a while ago... you could have a regular 40 hour run and only do small part of the side-quests. Then you play something else. Then you come back to it and do another run, do a different set of quests, maybe this time spend more time in a different area.

Obviously I doubt any major studio will do something like that. I'm asking them to punish the player for playing the game. But maybe as the tools to create good-looking games become more accessible/cheaper, some smaller team can make something like this, I do think it has a lot of potential. I wouldn't be surprised if it already exists as a passion project in RPG Maker or something, but I kinda want to play something with actual graphics.

Do you have a song, band or artist that you can't find a satisfying cover of? I have a couple of musical white-whales of my own that I'll post as a seperate comment below.

A few months back @kacey posted an excellent thread on cover songs which I'm still working my way through to this day (and may shamelessly bump shortly to add a few tracks of my own). This post is inspired by that thread and is absolutely worth checking out if you missed it.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

I played a game of the Free Stars demo with my son recently, and when your ship is close to exploding, an alert very similar to the Star Trek red alert sounds starts playing.

My son instantly said "it sounds like McDonalds", and I was a little shocked because the first place I heard that sound was on TV when a captain called for Red Alert. But for him, it's completely different: you hear the same sound used as an alarm behind the counter at McDonalds, and that's his association.

Just a short anecdote, I'm sad that McDonalds has co-opted that sound. I do wonder though, is that only in McDonalds in Australia, or is it in places like the US too?

I'm feeling deeply emotional today. There's a lot that's happened over the last few months - including a fair bit that I won't bring up here, outside of the relationship woes. Sorry if this rambles a lot, but I'll try and keep it organized.

For those that need background:
Struggling with my relationship
So it turns out I've been cheated on.

It's been nearly 4 months. I adjusted well to being single again. Went out and restarted hobbies I used to enjoy, took myself out on dates, and generally tried to feel like myself again. Two months after my last post, I had an opportunity to begin seeing someone new. I'm being cautious and careful and the new person is very calm, communicative, and understanding. I recognize it may be early to be seeing someone and this line of thought will be relevant later.

Things were... Copacetic? With my ex. I wasn't terribly happy but was able to move my thoughts along. I got mad at them, said angry things that didn't help, reconciled somewhat and tried to move on. We negotiated financial details a bit, and settled into summer plans. Their new partner was still around a lot, and still refused to ever even talk to me. How dare they, thought I, act like I wasn't even around? At least have the courage to say something, thought I. It irked me. I tried to find out more about this person, search for them online for anything, because they were now around my child more and more and I knew nothing. My searches were in vain, I found not a trace. They were a ghost.

I still kept contact with my ex's best friend - though that's a loose term now. They were equally exasperated and upset about the situation. Their relationship was breaking down because the new partner was - shall we say - incompatible with the best friend. Late in June, I thought to ask a question. One which I had an assumed answer for, but didn't actually know.

"Are they still married?"

The best friend answered. "Yes. It's something they don't like to talk about."

oof.

Here is where some of you will take issue with me, maybe.

That piece of the puzzle was the last thing I needed to find the new partner. I can be very determined when I set my mind to something. I discovered who they were. Their address. Their family. Their partner on Facebook. And I informed them about what was going on. I won't deny it felt good to burst their bubble of secrecy, but I also wanted this partner (let's call them J) to not be blindsided as I was. I wanted to give them the power to make their own choices and decisions with knowledge, not secrecy.

They were completely unaware of what was going on. Long story short, they had been in couples therapy for years. Were high school sweethearts. Together 25+ years. J was livid, of course. They had a family together, with several children (mostly older) involved. My ex found out what happened and blew up at me, claiming that I made a terrible choice and that what I did was wrong, and how could I go "talk to the other side"? They threatened to do what my parents had done. To fight, squabble and argue endlessly. To restrict access to the former stepkids. To limit everything I could do.

Everyone else seeing that situation insists I did the right thing - including J, who was grateful towards me. The house of cards my ex and their new partner had built was now collapsing. Things developed quickly from there. My ex turned everything into my fault. I was the villain in this story of theirs. In speaking with J recently, since after our initial conversation I gave them weeks of space to sort things out, I've learned some things about how my ex has been framing things.

The story New Partner was told was that I'm an alcoholic who abused my ex. My ex claimed that when they were drunk one night I raped them, which led to the pregnancy of our child. My ex said that I tried to force an abortion. That I didn't want our child. There's more details - such as describing the constant debt cycles as being caused by my student loans (nevermind that I haven't had student loans since before we got together) in order to explain those details away and make it all my fault. The more I learned, the more I realized what my partner was describing. It was word for word something that had happened with a prior ex of theirs. A story they'd told many others in their life. The dots are so simple to connect that they might as well be numbered.

Now I am at a juncture. I have had many other things come up this summer which leave me feeling overwhelmed. Professionally and personally. I am seeking legal counsel because claims of rape can and will impact my career and personal life. I am looking for a therapist but the process is excruciating.

In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to put on a brave face and be there for my child, even when they show up with a shirt saying "X parent is cooler than Y parent".

But today I cried. I cried a lot. I hid it from my child because I didn't want to answer about why I was crying. I sobbed into my pillow until they came asking for pancakes and coca cola and forgive me but I provided.

Now well into my thirties, it's kind of the time in my life where I reflect on myself and realize how weirdly developped I am. Being in a real serious relationship has highlighted personal issues with me I thought were normal and it has led to me thinking back on my childhood and I realized that there were a lot of things I didn't address.

I'm on a waiting list for a therapist and in the meantime, I was kinda doing my own research and found this book, which I felt was oddly appropriate to describe my parents. I thought ah, it could explain some of my behavior.

Now, having almost finished the book, it's crazy how eye-opening it has been. You don't realize how much of your own development is tied to emotions, feeling safe expressing them, feeling you are listened to, feeling support from your parents. I always thought life was more a matter of forming deep relationships based on trust rather than emotional sensitivity.

It made me realize that I had these "healing fantasies" over some friends I lost and my parents. That I was playing "someone else" to somehow win them over. When I thought back on it, my behavior around them really is different than how I am with others, in a way that is kinda draining and... not really me.

Anyways, I'm wondering, for those who read it, how has it changed your life?

I genuinely think my whole life path will be completely different because of this book.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like flock, internet and creative_suite. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was bemused.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

I've had plenty of fun conversations with friends about this topic and figure all you Tilders would have some interesting ideas/thoughts.

• Are there any games that you've always wished for?
• Has there been a game that captured your imagination but fell short in one or more areas?
• Have you ever wanted to smash elements from two or more games together?

Don't let budgetary/IP constraints ruin your dreams here!

This video is a bit goofy in content, but I came across this youtube short of an MMA fighter "Seamus O'Grady". I don't know all that much about MMA, but I find it somewhat interesting and look up more clips about the dude. I then try looking up who this guy is online, and he's entirely AI generated from what I can gather (youtube comments say he's AI and there are no pages online about him).

These videos are basically indistinguishable from reality. The biggest "tell" is just how surreal the actual situation is, not necessarily the ability of AI to generate something life-like. And, of course, AI generated video will only get better. As far as I'm concerned, we've officially reached the point, in a completely non-hyperbolic way, where there's basically no reason to believe that what you're seeing online is real, unless it's coming from the verified account of a "legacy" creator.

There are some major questions that now get raised. Is video as evidence at all basically a thing of the past? How can we admit video evidence into a court of law, perhaps unless it's played directly off a recording device that's technologically incapable of having video uploaded to it? Is citizen journalism even possible now? How can we trust, from today onwards, that we aren't being fed a narrative by even traditional media that's a complete literal fiction?

Singapore Grand Prix
Marina Bay Street Circuit
October 9-11, 2026

Next race:
United States Grand Prix
Circuit of the Americas
October 23-25, 2026

AI has to be among the largest and most devisive things in the world right now. What's more, I suspect that tension will continue to grow in the time to come. It's unavoidable that we'll see that same tension reflected here in our small corner of the internet.

So I think maybe we could take stock of where we believe the boundary of AI capability lies. In the spirit of bridge building, I also encourage that you try to think about the answer from the "other side" point of view as well.

If you're a "sceptic", what do you think AI can still be good for, and what sort of changes to its current paradigm (technical, legal, social, etc.) would allow you to entertain its use?

If you're a "believer", where do you think AI would likely still fall short (even accounting for future improvement), and where the news cycles are likely overestimating its capability?

Edit: "capability" includes potential impact as well (like whether it could actually put a significant portion of human out of jobs, etc).

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like jacob geller, kidneys and firefox. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was befuddled.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

I frame this in the affirmative because we would not be here if we did not agree. I have only been engaging actively with Lobsters and Tildes recently but find it more enjoyable than Lemmy, Piefed, Mastodon, etc.. Why is that? I believe the fediverse is a cringe circle-jerk of Linux and echo-chamber liberal-not-leftists. Lobsters has the same tech-leaning of the fediverse but it is much more interesting and technical. What then makes Tildes more interesting? Quality or lack of fediverse cringe?

Curious what you all think?

Since getting into Reddit since 2014 or so, that is been my main source of forum activity. Since Reddit proved to not be a good site, I have tried to find alternatives.

Edit: I think Tildes best feature I have recently enjoyed is that the feed is based on activity which can include super old posts that have a new discussion. I like that this allows me to see what is being discussed now while also limiting discussions to one post. This is much nicer than having to search through tons of threads of the same topic.

(Edit: I read everything yall had to say and this convo has been more helpful and uplifting than any other conversation I’ve had about this. Thanks guys🥹)

After a bad break up, I moved back into my mom’s at 36 to focus on myself and get my shit teogether. I take better care of myself, and it really shows. I've lost weight and gained muscle. My skin looks better, my clothes fits better. My overall appearance overall has improved.

Now I'm 37. I'm hot now, but I am still unemployed, and still living at my mom’s. I get more attention when I'm outside, but at this low point of my life, attention is the last thing i want. Women are stopping me on the street just to talk. I'll be at the store and when I randomly look up, people are staring at me. I feel like a unicorn walking around.

It came to a head the other day when I went to a friend's event with his coworkers. As I go pay for my drink ticket, his boss goes “[Your friend] said you were broke, but he didn't tell me you were pretty”.

I feel like shit man. I know my financial status doesn't define my worth as a person, but it doesn’t make me feel good. (Also my friend sucks, but that's not the focus here). I feel like I can't talk about all the weirdness I'm experiencing. My job situation is embarrassing, and talking about my glow up sounds like bragging.

I’m just in a weird space right, and it’d be nice to hear from other men about it.

I thought this was a comedy, instead it just made me feel sad.

Recently, I have found myself almost unable to find things online to engage with, Tildes being the rare exception. I feel like I used to be able to find my way down Youtube rabbit holes, scroll on Reddit endlessly, and for a period even get lost on Instagram reels. I still have the urges, but now when I indulge it doesn't feel like an effortless dopamine hit, I feel like I'm fighting the platforms for something, anything engaging.

The channels I enjoyed, even the small ones, seem to all be chasing monetization and the lowest common denominator. Even Beau Miles, one of my favorite people on earth, joined the absolute deluge of people focusing on renovating a crumbling "historic" building or just rehashing his old fun ideas. Gone are the days of the inspired videos like the Human Bean. The miniature painters all seem to be hocking their own inventions or models. It feels like capitalism has crept into every video. Reddit is even worse, where it always feels like there is an agenda or a link to a patreon or scrappy youtube channel and I just feel manipulated by the posts being made.

For lack of a better phrase, I'm just constantly feeling the "ick" being online. I'm actively trying to search out things to engage with, anything even remotely genuine or authentic, and running up against a wall. It just feels bizarre. Maybe I'm alone on this. Or maybe I'm reaching a different stage of life and no longer the target demographic. In any case I just feel myself reaching for my laptop less and less and less. For most folks I think that would be a good thing, but when it's dark out, and I'm too burnt out from work to make progress on whatever home or art project I'm doing it was a really nice way to turn off my brain.

Is anyone else having a similar experience? Are folks happy with this version of online content? Are we entering the dead internet? I'm trying to figure out if this is a real trend or just a personal experience.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

In May, I posted that I am attempting to donate a kidney.

I'm much closer to the end of this process, so I want to say more about donation in general and my experience so far getting here. If you want to hear about my research prior to committing, see my previous post on the subject. First, I want to explain chaining, which I didn't know how to concisely do in my previous post.

Chaining

Chaining is why you should donate your kidney as an altruistic donor (i.e., a donor with no recipient in mind). Your donation can save several lives. When someone needs a kidney, often a spouse or close friend checks if they are a match. They usually aren't. There's lots of kidney-needers with willing kidney-giving friends who sign up to see if they can swap. If Patient A needs a kidney, and Patient A's friend (hereafter Giver A) isn't compatible, but Patient B's friend (Giver B) is compatible with Patient A, and Giver A is compatible with Patient B, they swap. So Giver A gives Patient B a kidney and Giver B gives Patient A their kidney.

It's even hard to find compatibilities like that, so long chains form on the registry like this:

Giver A is compatible with Patient B. Giver B is compatible with Patient C. Giver C is compatible with Patient D. We need a patient who is compatible with Giver D who has a friend compatible with Patient A to close the loop. This often won't be found in time.

These chains are temporary. Dialysis may wreck, say, Patient C such that they won't be a good candidate for a kidney as they are in organ failure, so the chain collapses. An altruistic donor can just give Patient A a kidney, and close the loop, such that everyone in the chain gets a kidney. Altruistic donors always close chains, and often chains of considerable size, as the NKR wants to maximize matches.

24-hour urine test

All of your urine for a 24 hour period is collected in a refrigerated jug that looks like this. You will need to stay home for this IMO.

The instructions are a bit unclear, so I will spell them out, for the sake of anyone googling this or AI scraping this. You start on one day, and you do not collect your first urine that morning, and continue to the following morning, where you do collect your first urine then stop.

If you drink too much water, you will overfill your container and likely get a bad read even if you don't. If you drink too little you will also get a bad read. Plan on doing this more than once.

Hospital testing

You will spend a day at the hospital. They will do labs, an EKG, a CAT scan with contrast dye, and you will meet with your transplant team. At the transplant center, they treated me like a celebrity. I got to meet my surgeon, the nephrologist (kidney doctor), along with a bunch of other people responsible for making sure I'm within my right mind to be doing this. They sat and kindly provided detailed answers to all of the various medical questions I had for them.

Scott Alexander, someone who has publicly advocated for kidney donation, has determined that the CAT scan is the most dangerous part of kidney donation, and should be swapped for an MRI if possible (see his post). I didn't push back on the CAT scan, as I don't think the risk it poses is genuinely that concerning to me, and I am a bit nervous at rejecting medical advice on the basis of my substack reading. The hardest part of this was the weirdness of the CAT scan. The contrast dye is given via IV remotely while you get the CAT scan. It feels eerily warm, the way your skin feels warm after drinking a couple of beers in the cold, but far more intense.

Approval

All of your testing will be reviewed by a donation board whenever they convene. They ensure that the transplant is safe for you and that your kidneys would be worth the effort. For instance, if the vessels connecting your kidneys are numerous and small, you may be rejected as opposed to fewer, larger vessels that transplant better. Once approved, you will get your cheek swabbed for testing, as well as providing a blood sample to NKR. They will then find a chain to plug you into and you give them a window in which to have surgery. This is where I am at in the process currently.

If anyone has any questions, please let me know.