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  • Showing only topics in ~life with the tag "ask". Back to normal view / Search all groups
    1. How do you try to be generous?

      One of the qualities I appreciate the most in people is generosity, however I’ve come to realise that I am not particularly generous and I don’t think many people in my family are either. I try my...

      One of the qualities I appreciate the most in people is generosity, however I’ve come to realise that I am not particularly generous and I don’t think many people in my family are either.

      I try my best to help people as much as I can at work, but I can’t say I’ve done much more than that.

      I’d love to hear what you do to be generous.

      27 votes
    2. Butcher block countertops - stain and finishing

      Howdy all, TL;DR - Installed new cabinets, picked up new butcher block countertops to match existing. Stained it - using the Minwax stain and planned on using Watco Butcher Block finish to finish...

      Howdy all,

      TL;DR - Installed new cabinets, picked up new butcher block countertops to match existing. Stained it - using the Minwax stain and planned on using Watco Butcher Block finish to finish it. I am concerned about food safety and health. Note I am not using these as actual cutting boards. Just countertops. Would using the Watco finish be safe/sufficient for sealing the stain?

      So to give a little context, my wife and I moved into our home close to 5 years ago. The person who flipped our house put in standard big box birch butcher block countertops. We like them! They stained them a nice dark color and we have not thought much about them. From what they mentioned, they "finished" the counters with the Watco Butcher Block finish. Occasionally the areas near the sink get grey and dry from water and could use a clean/restoration. Of which I have been using Howard butcher block conditioner and I think it does a great job of giving the wood some life.

      Now I finally got around to installing some more cabinets, and I picked up another countertop. Obviously wanting it to match, I just used the same Minwax stain that the flipper used. I had planned on sanding all of the old countertops re-applying the stain and then coating in some urethane-like topcoat in hopes of helping stop the discoloration and make the counter more durable.

      This lead me down a rabbit hole of a bunch of people online basically yelling about putting anything other than butcher block finish or mineral oil on butcher block countertops and how its not food safe/toxic. So naturally this kind of freaked me out. Is the stain on the current counters harmful? Do I need to sand everything and then reapply with just a food safe option? Can I just sand and add a poly topcoat? Or am I fine to just have the stain on it and use the Watco butcher block finish? AM I POISONING MYSELF?!

      I would like to add we do not use these countertops as actual cutting boards. We always use a "real" cutting board.

      Really I am just looking for some advice or a sanity check to make sure I'm not harming ourselves. Hoping this could also help someone else learn without having to do it the hard way.

      Thanks all so much for any info anyone is willing to provide.

      10 votes
    3. Learning and studying things without taking notes

      I'm curious if there's anybody here who's like this. Either doing it without writing things down, or doing it minimally. I don't know why but I find it very difficult to do, and it stops me from...

      I'm curious if there's anybody here who's like this. Either doing it without writing things down, or doing it minimally. I don't know why but I find it very difficult to do, and it stops me from actually learning/studying. I feel like it slows me down, significantly. It also feels like a chore. I feel like part of this may be because I'm in information security? Like, there's a lot of reading and researching going on, then immediate practicing and applying. Even when I have to take tests. I just read and listen or whatever else and that's it. Maybe in other fields, taking notes is a big thing, or maybe it's just me. I also have other interests, but yet still, I simply can't bring myself to write things down. I just prefer to absorb everything, in whatever pace I like, sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fast. If I ever decide that I'm going to take notes while learning/studying, I'd stare at my notebook/software for a very long time. I'd sit with one chapter/slide for quite awhile. At the same time, I truly admire people who take notes and write stuff. I do wish I was like them sometimes. Is anybody out here the same? Even though I really want to hear from people who are similar, everyone else can join the discussion too. What do you do? How do you do it? What is your preference? Do you think there's a "better" way to do things? Could taking notes be "superior" to the opposite?

      27 votes
    4. Fridge recommendations?

      So our freezer is dying. Our fridge is over 20 years old and has served us well, but it's time to move on. Given the reputation of modern appliances, the proliferation of smart appliances, and the...

      So our freezer is dying. Our fridge is over 20 years old and has served us well, but it's time to move on. Given the reputation of modern appliances, the proliferation of smart appliances, and the current class-action lawsuit against LG and Kenmore over faulty compressors leading to fridges dying after just five years, I figured I'd ask for some recommendations on good brands.

      For specifics, we don't need or want any fancy features beyond an ice maker. We'd prefer it to not have any smart features, just a good old simple fridge/freezer that can be expected to function fine for years (again, we've had the current one for 20 years). My mom says she'd prefer a fridge with a bottom freezer compartment, but I don't think that's a deal-breaker (our current one is a side-by-side) so long as it's a good model.

      14 votes
    5. Why do you think that there isn't a male-led/focused feminist-style movement?

      It wasn't until recently that the oddness of this absence struck me. While I am definitely not claiming that men have it worse then women or other minorities, men do have very serious issues from...

      It wasn't until recently that the oddness of this absence struck me. While I am definitely not claiming that men have it worse then women or other minorities, men do have very serious issues from being men. Of course there are individual men, groups and small organizations that support men along these lines, but why do you think there isn't a broader culture movement?

      29 votes
    6. Career advice (or success stories) thread

      I've seen a few posts on Tildes now about careers - sometimes personal posts about burnout and how to manage it, other times links to articles about layoffs. The end result of both of these is...

      I've seen a few posts on Tildes now about careers - sometimes personal posts about burnout and how to manage it, other times links to articles about layoffs.

      The end result of both of these is often a need to find a new job. For some it may be as simple as applying for the same title at a different company and having success, for others it may be a long process of determining what type of career to go for next and perhaps education or other factors that can help them get there.

      I wanted to try starting a thread to see if those of us who are struggling can ask for advice, and perhaps those who are doing well can help or even post their career journey to show how they got where they are today.

      37 votes
    7. Modular storage systems?

      I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future. Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that...

      I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future.

      Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that historically has just "floated around" my living space (cables, adapters, small tools, stationary, batteries, etc...).

      I'd ideally want a bunch of appropriately sized containers that I can organize stuff into. I'd love for each box to be some tesselation of a standard volume, so that I can arrange and stack those containers neatly in a drawer or on a desk.


      If you happen to work with 3D printing, this may sound a lot like Gridfinity, a modular open-source grid storage system. And I agree! Gridfinity's goals completely meet and shoot past what I'm looking for. But I currently have no interest in investing the money or time into buying a 3D printer and making prints. And there doesn't appear to be an obvious commercial version outside of "random" folks on Etsy.

      I also considered getting a Drawer Grid like you'd see in a Maker Space. I might end up getting this if I can't find a better option, though I'd prefer a storage solution I can stuff in a drawer.

      I was curious if:

      • Anyone had any product recommendations that might fit the bill
      • Anyone had any thoughts on the organizational endeavor itself, and if there are any ways I could be going about this better.
      18 votes
    8. Broke my dominant arm, will be out of work for a few months. Any advice or tips to adapt to this period of one-armed life?

      I've got time now to browse tildes again, until I broke my arm last week, been busy with life otherwise. It's a nice thought to get time off work, but not a nice thought when most my hobbies...

      I've got time now to browse tildes again, until I broke my arm last week, been busy with life otherwise.
      It's a nice thought to get time off work, but not a nice thought when most my hobbies involve my hands.
      Of course appreciate the support by my partner, family and friends. Very thankful I have them.
      But with my independence floundering, I hate spending my days either sleeping or eating or mindlessly scrolling though social media.

      Looking to hear stories of broken limbs and how you've coped and adapted, and advice on physically navigating with one arm. Carrying a cup of tea and then needing to open a door, how to open a jar with one hand, cooking (or not cooking) and all else

      30 votes
    9. I don't understand the appeal of referring to Men™ when you mean Shitty Men™, and I'd like to understand

      It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman...

      It's something I've wondered about for a while, but I wasn't sure how to have a constructive conversation about it. For clarity's sake, I am talking about the common social-media post of a woman talking about a terrible experience with a particular man or group of men and framing it around "Men are shitty". To be clear, I understand that is said in specific context and rarely does the person mean it literally. My question is about the appeal in the first place. As a personal example, I've been hurt by many women, but the idea of ever saying "Women are shitty." makes me feel mega-ick. So I'm genuinely curious to understand why some people find that kind of language cathartic or useful in some way?

      24 votes
    10. My boss is being accused of sexual misconduct and I don't know what to do

      Hi all, I don't know where to turn on this. I work in a small company, my boss who is an amazing person and has given me so much and helped me really kick start my career has had some accusations...

      Hi all,
      I don't know where to turn on this. I work in a small company, my boss who is an amazing person and has given me so much and helped me really kick start my career has had some accusations over the past little while. But now I've heard a few stories that really show that he's done some shady stuff. My boss has been like a brother to me and is a close friend. I have no idea how to digest this and I have no idea who I could talk to, so I'm just posting here.

      I don't want to lose a friend, he's been nothing but amazing to me.

      Edit: thank you everyone. I'll keep reading the comments. I just need to reflect on this and I appreciate your discussions.

      Edit 2: There is proof enough to not deny things, inappropriate and agressive advances and groping stuff. Nothing good.

      40 votes
    11. What is the importance of not swearing in front of my kid?

      Honest question. My son is only 5 months, but that is something that came to mind while reading posts on American websites. My culture is not nearly as sensitive to swear words are English...

      Honest question. My son is only 5 months, but that is something that came to mind while reading posts on American websites. My culture is not nearly as sensitive to swear words are English speakers seem to be, so I would like to know if there's any reason to be mindful of that other than specific cultural sensibilities. Is it inherently bad to use swear words in front of kids? Do you have any personal views on the matter?

      35 votes
    12. Layoffs, survivor guilt, and existential dread

      The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened. The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea...

      The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened.

      The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea that we would be so badly penalized for management choices that created significant operating cost overruns in the face of a projected short-term demand decline. I've lost half the members of my immediate team, good friends, people whose work and thoughtfulness I deeply respected. The entire department structure is being upended. The harshness of the selection for people who were being laid off included a teammate who's in the hospital, parents of young children, people on the edge of retirement. I'm suspicious and extra hostile towards the company - it's very significant to me that all the people of color and people who've had recent medical leave are among the lost.

      It's not the first time I've watched and survived a company's poor management and bad choices, but this is by far the worst. I've worked very hard at staying professional with the customers this week. I'm still inwardly seething with rage. I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive to the people who are leaving. I'm trying to figure out how to help a team lead who's in his first management job, and is totally devastated and nearly frozen with helplessness. I'm decent at my job, but don't know why I was kept and others with equal or greater skills were let go. I don't feel good about what qualities I might have had that corporate desired to keep - dutifulness, compliance, amiability, reticence?

      At the same time, I'm looking at months of double workload even though corporate management claims they'll outsource part of the duties (so that's another symptom that I'm replaceable) and manage the task pipeline. There's a frankly insulting retention bonus if I stay for another year. We've gotten the usual anodyne HR garbage about the employee assistance program and coping skills. The corporate management's left us with the ominous "stay tuned for further announcements over the coming weeks".

      I don't have a lot of choices here. I'm trying hard to stay focused on the present, without looking over the cliff of dread at the future. At the moment, I'm the sole support for our household and source of health insurance. My spouse is badly burnt out, and I don't want him to look for work a minute before he's healthy and enthusiastic about a job. I'm a late-50's end-career professional who wouldn't normally have much interest in restarting yet again elsewhere. I very deliberately chose this company, job and location, liked the work I was doing, the people I was doing it with, and I was looking forward to building on it. There's still the possibility that our half-vacant remote office will be closed and consolidated with the corporate headquarters. I have less than zero interest in relocating, and plan to keep separated coworkers who live here as personal friends.

      I'll be grateful to hear any advice on coping with this situation, and hope the replies will be helpful to others in future.

      47 votes
    13. People with a "second brain": Why? How?

      I've been looking around at different note-taking apps (Notion, Obsidian, Anytype, Joplin, Logseq, etc.) after seeing a few videos about the idea of having a "second brain", and only how has the...

      I've been looking around at different note-taking apps (Notion, Obsidian, Anytype, Joplin, Logseq, etc.) after seeing a few videos about the idea of having a "second brain", and only how has the the thought popped into my mind, "What's the point?". A “second brain” seems like it would require spending too much processing power on something that only exists to exist. What are the chances there you're going to remember any given thing after writing it down? You haven’t filled up your first brain yet. This all sounds very pessimistic - my intention is not to insult anyone's choice to use these tools, but I'm curious of what benefits people have gotten from their "second brains". Maybe I'm just the wrong kind of person for it, or maybe it's just that I'm not used to writing things down.

      Edit: I'm coming to an interesting conclusion that many people use their version of a second brain for things they need to do. This isn't really what I was referring to, I was more looking at it as a form of journaling or personal research, which might be less common?

      33 votes
    14. First tattoo tips?

      Heyyy Tilderinos! I'm getting my first tat tomorrow - planning on a Lopunny and Mega Lopunny on my bicep that I'd love to turn into a patchwork sleeve of my other favorite Pokemon down the line....

      Heyyy Tilderinos! I'm getting my first tat tomorrow - planning on a Lopunny and Mega Lopunny on my bicep that I'd love to turn into a patchwork sleeve of my other favorite Pokemon down the line. Bouncing between really excited and really nervous! What's some general advice you'd give?

      27 votes
    15. Moving to Colorado from Oregon (USA) in late February

      Hi everyone! I am moving to Colorado from Oregon late February and will be driving with my cat. I am shipping my belongings separately so it’s just us in the car. We will be traveling through...

      Hi everyone!

      I am moving to Colorado from Oregon late February and will be driving with my cat. I am shipping my belongings separately so it’s just us in the car.

      We will be traveling through Idaho, Utah, and Colorado. I have never been through any of these states, particularly this time of year. My planned route is

      Day 1 - Portland, OR -> Boise, ID
      Day 2 - Boise, ID -> Salt Lake City, UT
      Day 3 - Salt Lake City, UT -> Grand Junction, CO
      Day 4 - Grand Junction, CO -> Denver, CO

      Because of the time of year, I wanted to see if anyone had tips for traveling this route. I have checked average temperatures for the cities I’ll be stopping in for that time of year but I know that’s not the full story. I’m also going to get my car checked out before the long drive to make sure all is well. I have all season tires that are newer and chains already in the car.

      I have a first aid kit, will bring a few blankets and some food/water for both me and the cat (Marge), a battery pack, and a few days of clothes for the traveling. That’s all I could think of.

      Does anyone have suggestions or tips for this 1200+ mile trip? Also, my cat has only ever been in the car for about 3 hours at most. She’s sometimes anxious and sometimes chill. If anyone has suggestions for traveling with a cat in the car for up to 7 hours per day, that would also be appreciated!

      12 votes
    16. In your opinion, what is the appropriate number of outfits to rotate through at work?

      Background: I don't like choosing outfits in the morning for work. Due to whatever combination of mental issues/oddities I have, in the past I've gotten stuck at point for a very long time. After...

      Background: I don't like choosing outfits in the morning for work. Due to whatever combination of mental issues/oddities I have, in the past I've gotten stuck at point for a very long time. After reading about how someone like Steve Jobs or Mark Zuckerberg wears the same thing every day, I decided to try a version of that to reduce the number of decisions I had to make each morning. I didn't actually want to wear the same thing every day, because then I'd become "the guy who wears the same thing every day" at work. So I decided to have a number of predetermined outfits that I rotate through. I have some number of dress shirts of various colors/patterns and a matching number of pants of various colors to go with them. I have a few pairs of shoes in the typical colors that I just match with the pants. I've been doing this for years now, and it's great for simplifying my daily routine, but I occasionally wonder if people notice.

      So my question is: How many outfits do you personally think is the right number such that no one would notice? Alternatively, what number do you think would be the best for whatever reason?

      To be clear, this is just a fun discussion question. I'm not really looking for help or advice. I won't say how many outfits I have on rotation right now to avoid anchoring.

      28 votes
    17. What precautions to take when someone is out to get you?

      This is a silly sounding topic, but I'm unfortunately in such a situation and want to be a step ahead in self defense. My ex wife and her new boyfriend have been overheard by my kids saying that...

      This is a silly sounding topic, but I'm unfortunately in such a situation and want to be a step ahead in self defense. My ex wife and her new boyfriend have been overheard by my kids saying that they're going to "get me" or generally do something bad to me. They are not physically strong people so I'm not worried about a violent attack, but they are intelligent people and I'm worried about all the other options the internet leaves open to them. My ex obviously knows my social security number so I have already locked my credit with the three agencies (Experian, Transunion and Equifax). I have also changed every password I can think of and have security cameras around the entrances to my home. What else should I be doing? Are there legal consulting services or routes I should be looking into to prevent possible problems? I don't want to go overboard with this (and I promise I'm not a paranoid person) but I want to take any reasonable precautions I can to prevent bigger problems.

      47 votes
    18. I got my IELTS scores back and I need help

      Overall band score 8. What's the next step? I am an Indian and wish to pursue a master's program in the US. Should I prepare for the GRE and apply for spring semester? Total newbie about all of...

      Overall band score 8.

      What's the next step? I am an Indian and wish to pursue a master's program in the US.

      Should I prepare for the GRE and apply for spring semester? Total newbie about all of this university stuff.

      Thanks in advance.

      10 votes
    19. Any advice on handling being an engineer at a shrinking team?

      I work at a Series A startup. I joined on the promise that it would be 16 backend engineers a year from when I joined. It never grew and maxed out at 8 (non-eng headcount experienced the most...

      I work at a Series A startup. I joined on the promise that it would be 16 backend engineers a year from when I joined. It never grew and maxed out at 8 (non-eng headcount experienced the most growth). Fast forward to 18 months and it's looking like between parental leave, illness, responsibility differences, and general departures, in a few weeks I'll be one of 2 backend engineers actually writing code, and one of 3 backend engineers overall.

      There's 1-2 resume-building projects I'd like to stay for, but it's likely that one of them will get deprioritized. I've never been happy in this role for a slew of reasons, reasons for which others have left. This could very well leave us at 1-2 backend engineers in Q1-Q2. We are hiring, but I suspect we'll only backfill 1 role as 1-2 engineers are on "temporary leaves" (but one leave is 3 months, the other is basically indefinite).

      Any advice on what to do in this strange situation? I'd like to say that I'm considering quitting and want to train another backfill, but it could hurt me more than anything else. I'd be interested in more options (no backend engineer's comp has increased in the 18 months I've been here except 1 underpaid / underleveled person) or a small sabbatical of 5 weeks. I wouldn't mind a senior title but lots of qualified engineers have been rejected for it so I stopped putting weight on the title. But all of those are a little rude to accept if I quit less than 6 months after.

      edit: removed some typos, clarified some timelines e.g. months -> weeks

      22 votes
    20. Advice on when to call a service for repairs?

      Hey all, Bought a house 2 years ago, and have had a handful of issues where I had to call someone out to take a look. Whether its plumbing/HVAC/whatever, sometimes they are clearly things I...

      Hey all,

      Bought a house 2 years ago, and have had a handful of issues where I had to call someone out to take a look. Whether its plumbing/HVAC/whatever, sometimes they are clearly things I couldn't do myself, but other times, it feels like something I could probably do if I put aside the time.

      Most recently, our sump failed resulting in some flooding and we had to get it replaced, which ended up costing $700 USD. I know pumps only cost around $300 and generally understand what work needs to go into replacing it, but was worried I may miss something crucial, especially when replacing the piping and screw the whole thing up. On the flip side, I've had a lot issues with our furnace, so the last time an issue came up, I spent an hour on Youtube and just figured it out myself.

      Sometimes it just feels silly spending a bunch of money on labor, when its something you could spend an afternoon doing yourself. It just feels hard to gauge when its worth investing the time to figure it out myself or not. I also never know what to do in the situation when the person who took the time to come out gives me a price, it feels like your essentially trapped at that point.

      Anyone with more home ownership experience have any advice?

      13 votes
    21. Standardization of household goods / end user goods

      This is an off-shore sweat-shop knock off variant of @Akir 's "Kitchen Towel" installment of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet" thread, which was very popular. Short problem: So...

      This is an off-shore sweat-shop knock off variant of @Akir 's "Kitchen Towel" installment of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet" thread, which was very popular.


      Short problem: So many different types of stuff around the house and I'm sick of it.


      Longer problem:

      I have dozens upon dozens of types of towels, gifted to me from teenage years from someone, and I've never managed to be able to buy my own towels. And it sucks. They're all different types and styles and sizes and fabric and....I'm old now and I hate it and I just want to fold ONE type of towel in the bathroom and ONE type of towel in the kitchen. I would like different colours for different purposes, maybe I can decorate them myself or whatever -- but I want standardization. From @Akir's thread, I learned about "Flour Sack Towels" from @tanglisha and omg where had that advice been all my life. I feel like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for kitchen towels.


      What I need:

      Recommendations for all types of household goods that have stood the test of time, where I can obtain the same product from multiple sources or one long standing brand that is not interested in diversification.

      one common type, common functions, common properties


      Example: Corelle dishes. I have "big plates" and "little plates" and "bowls" that are all the same size and form, and at thrift stores I can easily find replacements of these common types, even if they were made decades apart and in different patterns. All exactly the same: serves the same and washes the same and stacks the same. The company seems uninterested in discontinuing their line of products and I love them for it. I need the Corelle of all things.

      What are your trusty brands and types of "things" that are so obvious you'd never have to think about buying any other types of? Something so standardized that in your region they're just known as "----" instead of what they are actually called or brand name or size?

      Do you know a brand that just makes ONE thing forever and they'll never change? Or a public domain type of thing that's an industry standard? I need to know what they are. Nails? Screws? Tools? Computer things? Cables? Cutlery? Knives? Types of household chemicals? Spices? Meat cuts? Margarine? Storage bins? Kinds of wood? All kinds of things, please.


      Side question about existing, gifted, singleton household towels and socks :

      I'd like to ask about what to do with my existing million different types of socks and towels. I want to buy my own as an now older adult. At what point should I flat out tell them to stop giving me socks and towels? Do I just suck it up and keep quietly re-gifting them to food bank? What about all the ones in current rotation? I would hate to throw out stuff but at this point I'm nearly ready to do it.

      49 votes
    22. Where do you usually look for courses?

      As my school project this year, I'm making a metasearch engine for courses (any type, online/offline, free/paid). I could just add the websites I know myself but school requires us to provide a...

      As my school project this year, I'm making a metasearch engine for courses (any type, online/offline, free/paid). I could just add the websites I know myself but school requires us to provide a detailed explanation of how we did "market research", so I'm asking here.

      What websites do you usually go to first to when you want to learn something? It should preferably be something which is not exclusive to IT, but those websites are fine as well if they're really good.

      9 votes
    23. How would you present a digital gift to someone?

      In one of my secret santas this year I have bought a digital copy of a solo RPG to give, however as it's only a PDF I'm not really sure what the best way to go about presenting this on the day of...

      In one of my secret santas this year I have bought a digital copy of a solo RPG to give, however as it's only a PDF I'm not really sure what the best way to go about presenting this on the day of the exchange would be. I want there to be something for her to open, I know that much. In an ideal world whatever she opens will link to a download of the PDF or something, so maybe a QR code situation of some sort?

      18 votes
    24. How do you manage kitchen towels?

      Welcome to this exciting episode of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet"! In this installment, we ask for help from members of the audience who really know where their towel is. Do...

      Welcome to this exciting episode of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet"! In this installment, we ask for help from members of the audience who really know where their towel is. Do we have a Betty Crocker in the house?

      Right now I have 2-3 crusty and mostly useless kitchen towels strewn around my counter space. For some reason, kitchen towels just kind of evade my attempts to manage them well. I tried to keep them folded in a corner of the counter, but I never liked the idea of putting them back there after I used them even if it was just to clean a water spill. Putting them in a drawer was this but worse because they bunch up and seize up on the frame it goes into.

      On top of that, I'm never sure exactly how to keep them clean. Most of the time I avoid using them to touch food or to clean up with; I clean up with sponges and use paper towels for when it needs to touch food. But I think that paper towels are kind of wasteful, so I want to stop using them. There are also some applications where paper towels simply don't work that well to begin with, especially when you need a sturdy wet towel. I'm wondering if I should just be sticking them in my weekly laundry loads, but I tend to forget about them for a day and don't want to have a need for them while they aren't usable.

      44 votes
    25. A survey for those who don’t celebrate Christmas

      When did you stop celebrating? Why did you stop celebrating? How have family and friends responded? What do you do instead, if anything? Disclaimer - I am not aiming to shame or undermine those...
      1. When did you stop celebrating?
      2. Why did you stop celebrating?
      3. How have family and friends responded?
      4. What do you do instead, if anything?

      Disclaimer - I am not aiming to shame or undermine those who do celebrate, this is just friendly a discussion for those who don’t.

      30 votes
    26. New job quandary

      So for the past two years, I've been a residential Cable Technician working for a subcontractor for Cox (Comcast). After many applications, I finally landed a position. I'd been trying to get a...

      So for the past two years, I've been a residential Cable Technician working for a subcontractor for Cox (Comcast). After many applications, I finally landed a position. I'd been trying to get a foothold into IT for a while now; my A+ is nearly expired at this point. I was pretty stoked to actually get the position. The position is a "Level 1 IT Specialist" at a private school. Utilizing company software to respond to tickets, fix issues for admin staff and teachers/students. The only hitch at first was that I had to shave clean (Silly, I know). Begrudgingly, I relented. That's fine, it's not particularly impressive anyway.

      Today, I got a call from the HR rep who did my onboarding saying that I would also unfortunately need to cut my hair to follow their guidelines of hairline above the collar. This is a huge deal for me, as my hairline is currently at the middle of my back. I just wear it up for work. This would truly devastate me. The people interviewing me (3 of them) said it would be fine, then the employee handbook stated otherwise. When asked, the HR rep said she'd contact a supervisor, supe said no, and now she's referring me to another department (Benefits? Dunno how that's relevant) to try to make an exception or something to that effect.

      Beyond just wanting to lament the likely loss of 4 years of work, I did want to ask those who are more experienced in the IT field than myself: Is this job (the IT one) one that will absolutely help me progress in my IT career? I know I didn't give the most detailed explanation of it; I hardly know everything myself. It was hard enough to finally have a job get back to me. And I was accepted rather quickly. But the loss of my hair gives me pause, and makes me wonder if I'm better off at my current job and waiting for another opportunity that might never come. Should I just grit my teeth and accept this blow to my identity for the sake of furthering my career? Any advice at all is welcome.

      18 votes
    27. General product recommendations

      I'm a pretty conscientious person and I like to research stuff before I buy it - I'm not obsessive about getting The Best Whatever In Class, but like anyone I'm interested in a good deal for a...

      I'm a pretty conscientious person and I like to research stuff before I buy it - I'm not obsessive about getting The Best Whatever In Class, but like anyone I'm interested in a good deal for a product that suits my needs.

      Between the prevalence of review-stuffing bots, Google's results getting worse, and reviewers themselves sometimes having questionable financial backing, I'm finding it harder and harder to find reliable information. So the gold standard is personal recommendations from real people!

      I checked and it's been a while since we've had a general recommendations thread on Tildes so I thought it might be nice to start up another one with the influx of new folks!

      Possible points of discussion:

      1. Are you looking to buy something and hoping to hear from people about what's good and what's bad? Post the type of thing you're looking for in a top-level comment and others can chime in!

      2. Is there a product you enjoy or that has improved your life, fills a niche or special requirement really well, or stands out to you as being a big improvement over its competitors? Is there a particular company you had a great experience with? Share with others who might also benefit!

      3. Is there a product you tried, HATED, and want to warn people about? Something that's all hype, no substance? I think that also fits here.

      4. Are there any reviewers or sites you trust in particular?

      85 votes
    28. What surprised you the most about becoming a father?

      Becoming a father is a moment of great elation and stress, bringing challenges that are hard to anticipate. Given the different demands and circumstances that surround us, many of these challenges...

      Becoming a father is a moment of great elation and stress, bringing challenges that are hard to anticipate. Given the different demands and circumstances that surround us, many of these challenges are not necessarily shared by our partners. At the very least, many challenges and fortuitous circumstances contain features that are more common for men. What was not like you expected (good or bad)? What did you find particularly surprising or revealing?

      Dear mods This question is specific to fathers, so please don't move this post. Thanks ;)
      41 votes
    29. What's on your Christmas lists, dads of Tildes?

      It's that magical time of year where I'm being badgered for a Christmas list. I'm 44, have 3 middle teens and a 3 year old (he's late to the party). I have everything I need, but I get asked...

      It's that magical time of year where I'm being badgered for a Christmas list. I'm 44, have 3 middle teens and a 3 year old (he's late to the party). I have everything I need, but I get asked anyway. I don't want just socks and random tops that I'm not a fan of this year, so I need ideas.

      Hobby wise, I'm in IT so tech is already done and not something I can ask for. Asking for a 9" grinder so I can remove some posts next year seems a bit non-chrismassy, or is it because it's something I need and will use?

      HELP!

      35 votes
    30. WWOOFING/workaway stories?

      I've been looking into this sort of thing for a while. Looks like a nice way to get a change of scenery (if you don't know WOOFING is basically volunteer farm work for room/board). Anyone have...

      I've been looking into this sort of thing for a while. Looks like a nice way to get a change of scenery (if you don't know WOOFING is basically volunteer farm work for room/board). Anyone have experience doing this in the USA/anywhere else? Would love to hear from you if so!

      14 votes
    31. What does it mean to friend someone online?

      Recently my daughter (third grade) has started learning to type at school. It's a Montessori program, so it's a pretty low tech environment overall, which I mention because I don't necessarily...

      Recently my daughter (third grade) has started learning to type at school. It's a Montessori program, so it's a pretty low tech environment overall, which I mention because I don't necessarily expect them to have a nuanced view of technology issues.

      One of the typing programs they use is nitrotype.com, which adds a competitive gameplay element. However, it also has mechanism to friend another player. Friends can only communicate with stock phrases, so there's not too much "Internet leakage" beyond being able to choose a username.

      I set it up for my daughter on her Linux Chromebook (I whitelist things I want her to have and everything else is blocked at DNS). Seeing her interact with it the first time, I realized that she spends as much time "adding friends" as doing the typing.

      On its face, this activity is pretty harmless. But I am worried about the patterns it might be creating for her. I'm worried about her uncritically engaging with the dopamine hit of getting a new friend. Or how it shapes her idea of how many friends she has or where idea of her self worth comes from. Or what she thinks friends are.

      So after that long preamble, here are some questions:

      • How would you explain "friends" in this context?
      • Would you distinguish them from other kinds of friends, either real or virtual?
      • Would you attach a moral component to the activity? E.g. that it is good/bad or helpful/harmful
      • How would you frame it to the teacher? Not so much in terms of whether or not they should do it in the classroom, but what kinds of conversations should they be having about the friends experience?
      • If I'm asking the wrong questions, what questions should I be asking instead?

      I'm really interested in seeing the perspectives people have on this. My own ideas are a bit murky, but I will put them down as a comment.

      37 votes
    32. Gut check on contractor quote

      I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric...

      I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric fireplace insert, or an island hood. Anybody have any insight they're willing to share on this quote?


      Remodel estimate

      1. Planning and asbestos test $1,190.00
      2. Move range outlet $1,514.00
      3. Island hood $4,498.00
      4. Electric fireplace insert $4,133.00
      5. Main bathroom $36,552.00
      6. Hall bathroom toilet and fan with humidistat $3,579.00
      7. Concrete landings outside the front and back doors, front siding flashing $2,899.00
      8. Re-pipe plumbing $14,993.00
      9. Bedroom window glass replacement $749.00
        Total $70,107.00

      Description
      Plans will be refined. Drywall will be tested for asbestos content.
      Dust will be contained and floors will be protected.
      The range outlet will be moved.
      An island range hood will be installed. The placeholder hood in the estimate is a Zephyr Brisas.
      An electric fireplace insert will be installed. The placeholder fireplace in the estimate is a
      Dimplex 500001756.
      The main bathroom will be remodeled. The shower will be replaced with a pre-formed shower
      pan and Corian walls, and two shower valves and shower heads will be installed. A sliding
      shower door will be installed. The floor will be tiled. A new vanity cabinet, countertop, sink, and
      faucet will be installed. A new toilet will be installed. The vanity electrical outlets will be
      lowered, a larger lower mirror will be installed, a new vanity light will be installed. A ventilation
      fan and light will be installed with a humidistat/condensation sensor. Drywall will be patched.
      New baseboard trim will be installed. The bathroom will be painted.
      The hall bathroom toilet will be replaced. A ventilation fan with a humidistat will be installed.
      Concrete landings will be poured outside the front door and outside the back sliding door. The
      front door landing will be about 5-1/2’x4’ with a curved corner. The back landing will be about
      3-1/2’x3’.
      The plumbing in the house will be replaced. Drywall holes from installation will be patched and
      painted.
      Window glass will be replaced in the bedroom with the broken window pane.
      Everything will be cleaned up.
      All labor and materials are included.


      Thank you!

      9 votes
    33. How did your new traditions get made?

      I was chatting with a friend about Thanksgiving. Neither of us find the holiday relevant to us, so this year we're going for something health-oriented (somewhat off-theme, but we liked it). I'd...

      I was chatting with a friend about Thanksgiving. Neither of us find the holiday relevant to us, so this year we're going for something health-oriented (somewhat off-theme, but we liked it). I'd love to have lots of traditions, but I didn't grow up with them. If you found a tradition later in life, how did it come about?

      20 votes