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    1. eBay privacy policy update and AI opt-out

      eBay is updating its privacy policy, effective next month (2025-04-27). The major change is a new section about AI processing, accompanied by a new user setting with an opt-out checkbox for having...

      eBay is updating its privacy policy, effective next month (2025-04-27). The major change is a new section about AI processing, accompanied by a new user setting with an opt-out checkbox for having your personal data feed their models.

      While that page specifically references European areas, the privacy selection appears to be active and remembered between visits for non-Europe customers. It may not do anything for us at all. On the other hand, it seems nearly impossible to find that page from within account settings, so I thought I'd post a direct link.

      I'm well aware that I'm anomalous for having read this to begin with, much less diffed it against the previous version. But since I already know that I'm weird, and this wouldn't be much of a discussion post without questions:

      • How do you stay up to date with contract changes that might affect you, outside of widespread Internet outrage (such as recent Firefox news)?
      • What's your threshold -- if any -- for deciding whether to quit a company over contract changes? Alternatively, have you ever walked away from a purchase, service, or other acquisition over the terms of the contracts?
      46 votes
    2. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      8 votes
    3. Assassins Creed Shadows and stealth

      So Assassins Creed Shadows released this week, and so far the discourse surrounding the game is really all over the place with lots of good and bad reviews across the spectrum. I was a big fan of...

      So Assassins Creed Shadows released this week, and so far the discourse surrounding the game is really all over the place with lots of good and bad reviews across the spectrum. I was a big fan of the Assassins Creed games from 1-3, and then I skipped the PS4 console generation so I didnt play any of the more recent ones. But this new one is about ninjas, which is rad, so Ive been following news about the game.

      One thing I noticed, which is the main thing I want to discuss, when seeing clips of the game online is the focus on sword combat, and more specifically open combat. I dont know if this is a thing that became more of a focus in earlier games like Valhala or if its more a response to the success of Ghost of Tsushima. Im wondering if anyone else has thoughts on how the role of combat has evolved as the series has advanced.

      In my personal view, a ninja assassin game should have minimal focus on direct combat. The ideal way an assassination should go is something like this:

      1. Do some early missions to gather intel or do prep work

      2. Take on "the approach" to your target, which will involve a combination of parkouring over rooftops and stealth kills to remove guards. Your efforts in step 1 will make this easier or harder.

      3. Get into position and wait for the right moment when the target moves into the right place

      4. Spring your trap, whether that be pouncing on them with a dagger or setting off an explosive or whatever

      5. Drop a smoke bomb, disappear into the shadows, maybe jump off a rooftop into a haystack for good measure

      When pulled off correctly, it should be like you were never there. Aside from the dead guy. If you are getting into a direct head on confrontation as a ninja, you have fucked up at ninja. To this end, I feel that in a stealth assassination game open combat should be more of a penalty for when you screw up and get caught, not part of the core strategy.

      Looking back at the early games, this concept was applied in AC1. Getting into a fight with a Templar was pretty difficult and tedious. You didnt want to get stuck doing it, and if you did it was often better to just run. The times you were forced to fight head on it felt like you were trapped in a dire situation that was not to your advantage, so it was a good way to apply pressure to the player to make a scene seem tense.

      In AC2 the combat was reworked and became significantly easier. I actually really like the way it was implemented. Technically you can get away with just hammering away at most weaker enemies until you break their guard, but the combat really shines when you fight defensively. If you focus in dodging and counter-kills, big fights become a thing of beauty. Ezio dodges and weaves effortlessly through the crowd, doing a slick spin slash every so often to slice a bad guys neck. Its all very stylistic and elegant and graceful in a way that makes Ezio look like a badass but is still very evocative of the idea of a master assassin.

      And then AC3 is fine, I don't have a ton to say about that one.

      Returning to Shadows, when I look at clips of people playing the game there is a lot of sword combat. The combat seems to often follow a pattern where the enemy will perform a fixed attack pattern with visual indications like a colored aura around their weapon, which the player must mitigate through precision by either dodge rolls or parrys, after which there will be a pause during which the player can whack at the enemy a few times and reduce their health bar. Repeat a couple times until they are killed. I think it is specifically the hacking away at an enemy like you are taking a machete to jungle foliage that I dont like about this. Whittling away at an enemy who just tanks it and soaks up damage feels decidedly un-assassiny to me.

      Now, if open combat is intended to be a big part of the game then I can see why this is the case. You cant make every enemy a long drawn out chore like AC1 because if youre going to have to do this like a hundred times that will get old fast. And you cant do glorified quick time events like AC2 because itd be too quick and a major pillar of your gameplay will feel trivial. So I can see why this newer style of combat is being used, I just don't feel its a great fit for the genre.

      What are your thoughts? Are you a fan of stealth-action games? Do you enjoy dodge-roll-centric combat? How would you want to see combat handled in an assassins creed type game?

      13 votes
    4. How do you feel about your PTO?

      I was having a recent conversation with my friends about PTO and who thought they had too much or too little. The results were interesting, so I thought I'd ask Tildes. Are you happy with the...

      I was having a recent conversation with my friends about PTO and who thought they had too much or too little.
      The results were interesting, so I thought I'd ask Tildes.

      • Are you happy with the amount of PTO you get? Do you wish you had more or do you struggle to spend them?
      • US and European PTO is very different, how do you feel about the other side of the pond?
      • Do you like the format you get given PTO? Or is there a better way you'd prefer?

      Let me know!

      Edit: Thanks everyone for responding! So many interesting thoughts and different policies, it's really hard to reply to any specifically lol. I've read them all though!!

      46 votes
    5. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like sourcehut, steam.spring sale and communications workers of america. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like sourcehut, steam.spring sale and communications workers of america. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was keeping track.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      10 votes
    6. If you could go into hibernation and wake up in the future, would you?

      Premise: Pretend that human hibernation/cryostasis is a real technology that's both mature and affordable. You can choose to go into hibernation and wake up at some point in the future to resume...

      Premise: Pretend that human hibernation/cryostasis is a real technology that's both mature and affordable. You can choose to go into hibernation and wake up at some point in the future to resume your life. It's a safe and reliable process.

      You choose when to enter hibernation (could be now, could be 50 years from now or more), and you set your exit either for a certain date or on some condition(s) that you dictate in advance.

      You can expect that you'll be taken care of during that time and your rules for being awakened will be followed.


      What I'm interested in hearing about:

      1. Would you choose to do it? Why or why not?

      If you would decide to do it, some follow-ups:

      1. How would you decide when to enter hibernation? Would you base it on your age? On specific events in the world?
      2. How would you decide when to exit? Would you base it on time, or on certain conditions? Why?
      3. What preparations would you take? How would you help your family and friends understand this decision?
      4. What would you hope to see or experience once you awaken?
      5. How would you plan on adapting to a world that might be completely different from ours on many different fronts (e.g. technology, language, culture, identity, etc.)?

      Even though the situation is hypothetical, I want you to base your answers on your actual experiences and life. So, the question is about whether you, as you are living right now, would choose hibernation (either now or in the future).

      34 votes
    7. Why is it so hard engage people about indirect effects?

      Why is it so hard get most people to care or even get them to engage in actual discussion about indirect effects of their actions? I'm mainly going to be talking in the context of tech and privacy...

      Why is it so hard get most people to care or even get them to engage in actual discussion about indirect effects of their actions?

      I'm mainly going to be talking in the context of tech and privacy since that is my main sphere of concern but it applies to a lot more things.

      I am not dismissing the effects of systemic incentives but there are trivial actions that anyone could do to lessen the likely negative effects that almost no one does.

      The current climate makes it incredibly hard to actually eliminate personal impact but it still easy to minimize it with negligible impact on one's own life. Like in sw development the first 90% take 90% of the time and the other ten procent take the other half of the time.

      Getting a minimal computer literacy of being able to navigate an unfamiliar GUI, explore and understand the settings and be able, read the messahes they are getting on the screen and willing to search their problems would make anyone much more resistant to any number of dark patterns, yet there is a tendency to defend tech illiteracy.

      Personally I don't really do that much and I make compromises easily but sadly I get the impression that I am still in the small minority.

      34 votes
    8. Theory crafting: XR glasses + Windows VM via Android

      Title kinda gives the gist of it all. I have been wondering about a way to have a "full" desktop with just XR glasses, a phone, bluetooth keyboard, and an internet connection. Not sure if this is...

      Title kinda gives the gist of it all.

      I have been wondering about a way to have a "full" desktop with just XR glasses, a phone, bluetooth keyboard, and an internet connection.

      Not sure if this is easily doable, or if Windows VMs would be so expensive to make it pointless. Maybe something like WINE or w/e the not 20 year outdated current thing is to run Windows software.

      The main use would be to run 1-2 browsers and trading software.

      Just curious if this is a foolish idea or not.

      5 votes
    9. Have you ever witnessed the Butterfly Effect?

      It is easy to feel helpless at times. As if there is nothing you can do to impact the "greater good." Many of us currently feel rather helpless in relation to politics, but there are many other...

      It is easy to feel helpless at times. As if there is nothing you can do to impact the "greater good." Many of us currently feel rather helpless in relation to politics, but there are many other reasons for this as well.

      One argument I hold against this helplessness is the Butterfly Effect, which (in this context) proposes that even the smallest action can significantly alter the future.

      An example could be giving encouragement to someone about to give up on a task (even if you aren't aware of it), which keeps them on a trajectory they would have otherwise never continued.

      Have you been fortunate enough to identify when this has happened around you?

      Of course, there could be negative outcomes related to this too, but I hope we can identify some positive ones.

      (Meta note: I was debating if this should be under ~talk or ~life and went with ~life, but feel free to move it if you disagree.)

      32 votes
    10. Formula 1 Australian Grand Prix 2025 - Results

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Welcome back to Formula 1! And what a start to the 2025 season with a wet track and even heavy rain in Melbourne!

      First things first: Poor rookies. Hadjar was into the barriers during the formation lap. Then Doohan was out after the restart. Or was that the actual start since Hadjar triggered an aborted start? Which not a rookie, that triggered Sainz into the barriers during the safety car. Lawson then had his chance to hit the barriers during Lap 47, with Bortoletto into the walls somewhere there abouts. Though for those last two, that was during the heavy rain. Alonso, the eternal rookie, rounded out the group of wallflowers.

      The only rookie to survive? Antonelli. And he ended P5! He would've ended P4, but he got a 5sec penalty for an unsafe release earlier. Regardless, impressive.

      EDIT: After a successful appeal, Antonelli's 5sec penalty is removed! He regains his on-track P4, with Albon back to P5. Results updated below.

      When the rain hit, it was pure chaos. All the tire strategies went out the window. Some went straight to inters, while some stayed on slicks. Max was P1. Then Hamilton was P1. But then they and everyone else went to inters. Norris ended up back in P1 and ended the race there.

      Lastly, Piastri's recovery drive was something to watch. Sometime around Lap 45, he ended up beached in the grass. But he was like "Hell no," and willed that car back onto track. He dropped from P2 down to the back of the field since it took him so long to get out. But he still ended up in the points at P9. Felt like he was driving on pure frustration and anger...and it worked!

      Onward to Shanghai next weekend!

      Next race:

      Chinese Grand Prix
      Shanghai International Circuit
      Sunday, March 23, 2025

      Grand Prix Results -- SPOILER
      Pos No Driver Car Laps Time/retired Pts
      1 4 Lando Norris McLaren Mercedes 57 1:42:06.304 25
      2 1 Max Verstappen Red Bull Racing Honda RBPT 57 +0.895s 18
      3 63 George Russell Mercedes 57 +8.481s 15
      4 12 Andrea Kimi Antonelli Mercedes 57 +10.135s 12
      5 23 Alexander Albon Williams Mercedes 57 +12.773s 10
      6 18 Lance Stroll Aston Martin Aramco Mercedes 57 +17.413s 8
      7 27 Nico Hulkenberg Kick Sauber Ferrari 57 +18.423s 6
      8 16 Charles Leclerc Ferrari 57 +19.826s 4
      9 81 Oscar Piastri McLaren Mercedes 57 +20.448s 2
      10 44 Lewis Hamilton Ferrari 57 +22.473s 1
      11 10 Pierre Gasly Alpine Renault 57 +26.502s 0
      12 22 Yuki Tsunoda Racing Bulls Honda RBPT 57 +29.884s 0
      13 31 Esteban Ocon Haas Ferrari 57 +33.161s 0
      14 87 Oliver Bearman Haas Ferrari 57 +40.351s 0
      NC 30 Liam Lawson Red Bull Racing Honda RBPT 46 DNF 0
      NC 5 Gabriel Bortoleto Kick Sauber Ferrari 45 DNF 0
      NC 14 Fernando Alonso Aston Martin Aramco Mercedes 32 DNF 0
      NC 55 Carlos Sainz Williams Mercedes 0 DNF 0
      NC 7 Jack Doohan Alpine Renault 0 DNF 0
      NC 6 Isack Hadjar Racing Bulls Honda RBPT 0 DNS 0

      Fastest Lap: Lando Norris...But no more fastest lap point!

      Source: F1.com

      15 votes
    11. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      9 votes
    12. Tildes Video Thread

      Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you. It...

      Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you.

      It could be one quirky video that you feel deserves some eyeballs on it, or perhaps you've got a curated list of videos that you'd love to talk us through...

      Share some of the best video content you've watched this past week/fortnight with us!

      10 votes
    13. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like zooey zephyr, digital markets act and breakfast. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like zooey zephyr, digital markets act and breakfast. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was astute.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      12 votes
    14. Poetry discussion: Everything by Srikanth Reddy

      Hi tildizens, the NYC subway often has posters with a poem and artwork on them which provide some relief from the ads that decorate the trains. On my commute today, I found this poem by Srikanth...

      Hi tildizens, the NYC subway often has posters with a poem and artwork on them which provide some relief from the ads that decorate the trains. On my commute today, I found this poem by Srikanth Reddy quite tantalizing.


      Everything

      by Srikanth Reddy

      She was watching the solar eclipse
      through a piece of broken bottle

      when he left home.
      He found a blue kite in the forest

      on the day she lay down
      with a sailor. When his name changed,

      she stitched a cloud to a quilt
      made of rags. They did not meet,

      so they never could be parted.
      So she finished her prayer,

      & he folded his map of the sea.


      Unfortunately, the single piece of related online discourse I can find is a two-line comment on a 2008 blog post of the poem. So tell me: do you like this poem? What do you make of it? Is it about a couple that splits up due to infidelity (as Google's gemini ai told me) or people that are connected despite having never met (as Mistral's le chat claims)? What of the kite? Why is it blue? Why might his name have changed? To me, it seems he must be a sailor (but different than the one she lays with?) and she relatively poor. We're reading a lament of a missed connection, perhaps.

      13 votes
    15. What do you like about your job?

      I'm currently in the process of job shopping and, while it feels like all my friends are happy to tell me why I shouldn't work where they do, I do enjoy hearing from people that are satisfied with...

      I'm currently in the process of job shopping and, while it feels like all my friends are happy to tell me why I shouldn't work where they do, I do enjoy hearing from people that are satisfied with their line of work.

      I personally like that my current work gives me free reign of the warehouse we operate in, if we met our metrics we could hold a game of poker in the back without too much fuss. What are some qualities in your work that make you a happier employee?

      30 votes
    16. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like diplomacy, baby boomers and great depression. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like diplomacy, baby boomers and great depression. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was astute.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      16 votes
    17. Tildes Book Club - Hyperion - An invitation to crowd source cultural references and allusions

      I'm about 5 percent into the book Hyperion and I am already noticing that the author is drawing on a rich context of cultural background knowledge from a wide variety of sources and disciplines....

      I'm about 5 percent into the book Hyperion and I am already noticing that the author is drawing on a rich context of cultural background knowledge from a wide variety of sources and disciplines.

      This thread is a place to collect observations about culturally laden content within the book that might enhance understanding. It is not a place to spoil the plot.

      No obligation, but feel free to contribute what you see.

      24 votes
    18. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      10 votes
    19. Sleeping on the floor

      I have grown dissatisfied with my mattress. I bought a new one 2 months ago, and I chose the firmest grade of foam available in my country. I don't like springs. When choosing a mattress, my goal...

      I have grown dissatisfied with my mattress. I bought a new one 2 months ago, and I chose the firmest grade of foam available in my country. I don't like springs. When choosing a mattress, my goal is to find something that provides sufficient support without being too rigid. The foam grade vendors suggest for my weight is extremely soft, like sleeping on cotton candy. I don't know why people have this obsession with softness -- it is uncomfortable and terrible for your back.

      My new mattress is perfectly fine but it is still not firm enough. Foam quickly loses its rigidity, and I can feel that it is happening already. It is not as firm as it was when it arrived. On a whim, I decided to sleep on the floor. Not literally on the floor, as I have no wish to press directly against the ground all night. I piled the folded plastic plaques we previously used for my son's playpen and wrapped them in a pair of thick quilts. The result was still very rigid but gentler on my joints. I slept on it yesterday. It was a success. I felt refreshed, only woke up once and got back to sleep right away. It was better than sleeping on my mattress.

      I looked up traditional Japanese tatamis and futons, but they must be imported in my country because they were more expensive than a mattress. I ordered 4 meters of EVA -- each roll is 2 meters by 1 meter, 1 centimeter thick. I intend to stack them for a thickness of 2 centimeters, providing greater comfort with the same amount of rigidity. I may transition to (kinda) sleeping on the ground full time.

      How do you like your mattress? Do you sleep on the floor as well? Or in something that resembles sleeping on the floor?

      35 votes
    20. A baseball discussion thread, 2025 spring training edition

      Going to try something a little different, guess we'll see how it goes. Main thinking is just getting baseball discussion going. So, meaning not just talking about spring training and not even...

      Going to try something a little different, guess we'll see how it goes. Main thinking is just getting baseball discussion going. So, meaning not just talking about spring training and not even just about MLB - any baseball discussion what so ever.

      Don't know baseball? Good place to ask :)

      I figure a kind of more casual thread to get to know other fans here would be a good thing to have before the season starts - and people can just set it a single thread to ignore if they have no interest.

      I'll leave some top level comments as starting points

      16 votes
    21. Infinite energy

      How would life change if we had infinite sustainable energy. What could humanity do with something like that given the current state of technology. Everyone would have a fully charged phone at least.

      10 votes
    22. Is it wrong to use AI to fact check and combat the spread of misinformation?

      I’ve been wondering about this lately. Recently, I made a post about Ukraine on another social media site, and someone jumped in with the usual "Ukraine isn't a democracy" right-wing talking...

      I’ve been wondering about this lately.

      Recently, I made a post about Ukraine on another social media site, and someone jumped in with the usual "Ukraine isn't a democracy" right-wing talking point. I wrote out a long, thoughtful reply, only to get the predictable one-liner propaganda responses back. You probably know the type, just regurgitated stuff with no real engagement.

      After that, I didn’t really feel like spending my time and energy writing out detailed replies to every canned response. But I also didn’t want to just let it sit there and have people who might be reading the exchange assume there’s no pushback or correction.

      So instead, I tried leveraging AI to help me write a fact-checking reply. Not for the person I was arguing with, really, but more as an FYI for anyone else following along. I made sure it stayed factual and based in reality, avoided name-calling, and kept the tone above the usual mudslinging. And of course, I double-checked what it wrote to make sure it matched my understanding and wasn’t just spitting out garbage or hallucinations.

      But it got me thinking that there’s a lot of fear about AI being used to spread and create misinformation. But do you think there’s also an opportunity to use it as a tool to counter misinformation, without burning ourselves out in the process?

      Curious how others see it.

      16 votes
    23. Tildes Book Club discussion - February 2025 - Born a Crime by Trevor Noah

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      This is the eleventh of an ongoing series of book discussions here on Tildes. We are discussing Born a Crime by Trever Noah. Our next book will be Hyperion by Dan Simmons at the end of March.

      I don't have a particular format in mind for this discussion, but I will post some prompts and questions as comments to get things started. You're not obligated to respond to them or vote on them though. So feel free to make your own top-level comment for whatever you wish to discuss, questions you have of others, or even just to post a review of the book you have written yourself.

      For latecomers, don't worry if you didn't read the book in time for this Discussion topic. You can always join in once you finish it. Tildes Activity sort, and "Collapse old comments" feature should keep the topic going for as long as people are still replying.
      And for anyone uninterested in this topic please use the Ignore Topic feature on this so it doesn't keep popping up in your Activity sort, since it's likely to keep doing that while I set this discussion up, and once people start joining in.

      22 votes
    24. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      9 votes
    25. Why didn't Keynote take off?

      This is a bit of a round about story, but bear with me. I like PowerPoint, I love using it, it's intuitive to me. Google slides is okay, (I never delved into OpenOffice or any other offshoot...

      This is a bit of a round about story, but bear with me.

      I like PowerPoint, I love using it, it's intuitive to me. Google slides is okay, (I never delved into OpenOffice or any other offshoot really), but when I have a choice, I like using PPT.

      I consider myself a comfortable Apple user as well, I prefer it for most of my computing needs, but not all, so it's not like I am not capable of using the Apple ecosystem.

      However, whenever I have tried Keynote or Pages or any of the "office" tools, I don't like them.

      I cannot tell if this is because these products or projects were killed off because of lowspread adoption at their onset, and thus did not get any development or improvement. Apple often does not release things and then just let them die, it usually waits a long time before it releases something, so they don't release things with potential failure (maybe I'm wrong, my memory doesn't recall anything like that other than this very example lol, and I guess their camera, but I digress).

      I guess my rambling is, is PowerPoint just good and Keynote just bad or is there some more interesting story to it?

      11 votes
    26. Solo outings

      So I'm about to attend a Green Day concert on my own. First time in my life doing that, I think in a sense I'm proud of myself for attending something like this solo, it shows that I'm prepared to...

      So I'm about to attend a Green Day concert on my own. First time in my life doing that, I think in a sense I'm proud of myself for attending something like this solo, it shows that I'm prepared to do things I enjoy on my own purely because I enjoy them, but in a way it makes me a little sad to think that I don't have a friend or a group of friends that I couldnl share this with. What do you think about attending things like live music, movie, entertainment solo?

      25 votes
    27. Are most jobs not what you thought they would be? Expectations vs. reality.

      I am trying to figure out and process my aversion to pursuing a career change. What I have surmised is that I come to the conclusion, "well, in your past, most of the jobs you have studied or...

      I am trying to figure out and process my aversion to pursuing a career change.

      What I have surmised is that I come to the conclusion, "well, in your past, most of the jobs you have studied or trained for, were not, in fact, what you thought they would be like in practice, so how do you know this is not the case with your new interest in career?"

      What I'm looking for is people to challenge or confirm my assumptions: Example: "No, actually, your perception is distorted, most jobs are what people expect them to be."

      I'm also looking for, validation or commiseration, "yeah, I feel that way too, it sucks" and am open to some problem solving, "I was once in your position and I did X,Y,Z and here were my results, YMMV"

      Thank you for reading!

      UPDATE

      Thank you everyone, I understand now why people do those almost, "acceptance speeches" prominent on Reddit, it does feel like an outpouring of support/acknowledgement worthy of gratitude! So thank you all. If I haven't responded to you directly it's not personal, it could be non engagement response, or I just haven't gotten to it! But I appreciate your participation, regardless.

      What I have realized is that maintaining my integrity is very high on my list of priorities, and what I consider integrity and its wholeness may not align with what is common. I realize that many people have to compromise their integrity day to day or year to year, and that almost no job will allow you to maintain full autonomy and integrity.

      It seems that most people find a better balance of maintaining their values by being their own bosses, which makes sense, many neurodivergent people end up being self-employed. But, I also realize, even that will not allow me to escape a lot of my other feelings of discomfort, so I still want to continue to work on being more compatible with that.

      I also realize my risk aversion to trying out working for myself is a huge obstacle in pursuing it, and am thinking about how to reduce the steps towards that to make it easier for me to try out. I will still say the other component of avoiding that is the USA healthcare system, I'm not sure if anyone has really addressed that (for those of you not familiar, the USA basically does not want anyone on subsidized healthcare to make over a certain amount of money, otherwise they take the healthcare away, and the privatized options are not worth the monetary trade off for many - I won't get into the details of that in this post). So that is a real obstacle I would have to overcome, that I still have no answer for.

      Again, thank you everyone, for your time and effort.

      50 votes
    28. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like algorithmic complacency, volodymyr zelenskyy and null. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days,...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like algorithmic complacency, volodymyr zelenskyy and null. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was eagle-eyed.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      11 votes
    29. Tildes Video Thread

      Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you. It...

      Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you.

      It could be one quirky video that you feel deserves some eyeballs on it, or perhaps you've got a curated list of videos that you'd love to talk us through...

      Share some of the best video content you've watched this past week/fortnight with us!

      10 votes
    30. Just rewatched “Brené Brown: Atlas of the Heart”, a five-episode series explaining thirty emotions

      My thoughts on the show An overarching theme of the show is that we aren’t very good at naming our emotions when we’re feeling them and that it’s important to learn the vocabulary for our emotions...

      My thoughts on the show

      An overarching theme of the show is that we aren’t very good at naming our emotions when we’re feeling them and that it’s important to learn the vocabulary for our emotions and call them by their right names.

      Call stress stress, not overwhelm. (Are you “in the weeds” or “blown”?)

      Call vulnerability vulnerability, not anxiety.

      Call awe and wonder awe and wonder.

      When we name what we’re feeling, we open up so much more agency and freedom to guide our lives in the direction we want them to go. Language is a portal.

      I found this show moving and illuminating when I first watched it in 2022 and it was moving and illuminating all over again when I rewatched it over the past few days.

      Awe and wonder are two of the emotions that stick out to me. These are not words I used regularly before watching the show. I use them now. I think I used to believe these emotions were nice to feel and a good part of life, but kind of like the icing on the cake. I have come to see them as necessary nutrients in the human emotional diet, more core and more central than I thought before.

      Maybe we can’t feel awe and wonder very often, but maybe like the elephants who walk long distances to lick the salt off cave walls, it’s something we need in our diet and should go out of our way to feel.

      I have a copy of Brené Brown’s book Atlas of the Heart, which the TV series is based on, and it mentioned that, among other things, experiences of awe and wonder make people more willing to cooperate with each other. Doesn’t that sound like something we need in this world?

      Where to watch

      Brené Brown: Atlas of the Heart is streaming on HBO Max in the U.S. and parts of Europe and Latin America, on Crave in Canada, on Binge in Australia, and on Sky in New Zealand.

      HBO Max: https://www.max.com/shows/brene-brown-atlas-of-the-heart/dfad262e-b764-4b92-ae63-72886f8a0d81

      Crave: https://www.crave.ca/en/tv-shows/brene-brown-atlas-of-the-heart

      List of countries and streaming services where the show is available: https://brenebrown.com/find-the-series-outside-of-the-us/

      JustWatch, a generally useful tool for this sort of thing: https://www.google.com/search?q=site%3Ajustwatch.com+Brené+Brown+Atlas+of+the+Heart

      13 votes
    31. What’s a book that we were never supposed to be able to read?

      I’m jumping off of the controversy about the release of Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman mentioned here. Regarding the question: it means that something stood in the way of that particular book...

      I’m jumping off of the controversy about the release of Harper Lee’s Go Set a Watchman mentioned here.

      Regarding the question: it means that something stood in the way of that particular book “getting out” but, for better or for worse, it did. This could be the author’s direct wishes, government or publisher censorship, it being found or leaked, etc.

      • What are some of those books?
      • Are they worth looking into?
      • Does the fact that we weren’t “supposed” to read them change how we understand or appreciate them?
      • If the author themself didn’t want their works published (such as Kafka), what do we have to take into account when deciding to go against those wishes?
      • What do we gain/lose by respecting/ignoring those wishes?

      Also, I’m open to answers that involve parts of books rather than the whole books themselves, since I know there are many books out there that were partially censored or edited and have since been restored.

      22 votes
    32. Experience with data protection laws (GDPR, ePD, CCPA, etc..)

      This is a topic I keep revisiting. It's constantly evolving, with new laws in different parts of the world happening pretty often. And also there's a lot of grey area with vague or incomprehensive...

      This is a topic I keep revisiting. It's constantly evolving, with new laws in different parts of the world happening pretty often. And also there's a lot of grey area with vague or incomprehensive language that hasn't yet been tested in courts.

      I recognize that it's a bit of a niche topic, but I think there are a lot of us at Tildes who have to think about it. After all it potentially impacts anyone maintaining or building a non-platform web presence. It also applies to less obvious things like running an advertising campaign that involves media requested from a server you control (which can therefore potentially log requests).

      For my part, I've needed to research laws relating to PII in order to come up with policies and practices in various contexts. In broad strokes it's pretty simple but as you get into details what I continue to find is that there are a lot of conflicting opinions both from professionals and lawyers. A lot of it is still open to interpretation.

      I'm wondering what kinds of experience other tildenauts have around data protection and PII? Have you implemented solutions? Do you wonder about it for your own websites? Have you been involved with it at companies where you've worked? Do you have questions about it?

      13 votes
    33. I want to hear about good relationships

      Conversations about finding and losing love are everywhere. Which is no suprise, when people are swimming in new love drugs they want to talk about it. Likewise when they're drowning in loss or...

      Conversations about finding and losing love are everywhere. Which is no suprise, when people are swimming in new love drugs they want to talk about it. Likewise when they're drowning in loss or trying to navigate relationship troubles. And they're interesting conversations to have because almost everyone can relate. Love and relationships are at the core of the human experience.

      But so are relationships that last. Love that keeps working in spite of the constant drag of, sometimes mundane, everyday life. High functioning love.

      It's quieter, less interesting for uninvested parties and more difficult to articulate in a simple, accessible way without sounding boring or cliche. Which is maybe why it gets talked about less. It's not that it doesn't have all the hallmarks of a good adventure. There are highs and lows, challenges that seem impossible in the darkest moments, unexpected redemption, soaring elation. It's often exciting when you're in it. But more often by volume, if somewhat less in memory, are small moments of shared joy, companionable silences, ambivalence, soft landings on hard days and endless personal growth to support the happiness of another human. Or maybe more accurately to support the health of this third space you've created together.

      There's also shared identity, which amounts to the expansion of your idea of self. There are the sorts of moments in life which no one can really understand if they weren't there without the help of especially inspired poetry. And, most of the time, there's this other person who was, in fact, there. No explanations needed. More than that, they bring different context and add different perspectives to the experience that become a part of your own.

      There are the moments when you face the reality of impermanence, mortality and futility and the way that somehow having this warm, breathing second witness takes the edge off the howling chaos at the edges of civilized existence. It makes it easier to accept the process of life and death in ways that are difficult to articulate. It's sort of a non sequitur but something that comes to mind is the way that curling up by a fire on a stormy night is somehow more cozy than if it was tropical out and you didn't need a blanket at all.

      I could go on, but my goal wasn't really to talk about my ideas about love. I'm hoping other tildinians will be excited to talk about their experiences with, and thoughts about, love that lasts. That could mean your own relationship(s) or it could mean general musings. Whatever comes to mind.

      Equal space for the parts that are good and bad. There are usually two people involved but there's nothing binary about it. It's all nuance.

      62 votes
    34. Does spatial audio actually improve music to you?

      Just asking for opinions. I've got a subscription to Apple Music at the moment (redeemed a free three months I've been sitting on before it expired), and the one thing that's been bugging me is...

      Just asking for opinions. I've got a subscription to Apple Music at the moment (redeemed a free three months I've been sitting on before it expired), and the one thing that's been bugging me is that some songs are available with spacial audio; they're "surround" mixed, and when listening to music with my airpods, it tracks the rotation of my head and simulates speaker placements based on it.

      Does anyone really think that their music is actually improved with this feature? Seriously. I don't get it. Why is it better that when I turn my head the quality of the mix goes down? It wouldn't be too bad, but I'm rather annoyed with Apple's implementation because it assumes that if your head is in one place for a while that's how the virtual speakers should be orientated, which is really annoying when using my desktop multi-monitor setup, which requires me to move my head from time to time.

      13 votes
    35. The Airbnb/Hotel Gap: Private common spaces

      Once or twice a year, my friends and I do a "Friend Getaway" where we rent an Airbnb and all communally nerd out. Magic, D&D, videogames, tabletop stuff, etc. It's a great time. We look forward to...

      Once or twice a year, my friends and I do a "Friend Getaway" where we rent an Airbnb and all communally nerd out. Magic, D&D, videogames, tabletop stuff, etc. It's a great time. We look forward to it every year.

      Unfortunately, our experience with Airbnbs has progressively gotten worse over time (not that it was ever great), with this past weekend being our worst ever. We ended up leaving early and escalated a complaint with the platform (not that I actually think that will do anything, which is one of the problems with Airbnb in the first place).

      Unfortunately, we're kind of stuck with going with an Airbnb (or similar, like VRBO) if we want to keep doing this because they're the only thing that give us what we want: private common spaces.

      The reason we get an Airbnb in the first place isn't for the destination or the attractions around it. It's so we can all hang out together in the living room and dining room, and cook group meals in the kitchen. We retire to the beds to sleep, but 90% of our waking time is spent grouping ourselves up in the common areas by interest.

      If we could stay at a hotel and rent out a living room, dining room, and kitchen for the group, we absolutely would. Ever since Airbnbs became a thing, I was hoping hotels would move a little bit in the direction of offering similar setups, but it feels like at most you can simply get a regular hotel room with a kitchenette. They're not really conducive to groups at all.

      To me, there's currently a huge gap between what hotels offer and what Airbnb offers, and if you want the latter, you have to put up with a lot of awfulness that's just sort of embedded into their business model.

      I don't really have a point in posting this other than to highlight that and hope that it starts some discussion. I'm also hoping that someone tells me that I'm completely wrong and that there are hotels out there that actually do offer Airbnb-like stays/facilities and I just don't know about them.

      41 votes
    36. Tildes worldbuilding thread

      Let's Talk Worldbuilding! I really enjoyed doing this on the other site, so I'm bringing it here: Let's discuss the fictional worlds you've created! Share the worlds you've built in your notes,...

      Let's Talk Worldbuilding!

      I really enjoyed doing this on the other site, so I'm bringing it here: Let's discuss the fictional worlds you've created! Share the worlds you've built in your notes, writing, art, or wherever you develop your ideas.

      What is Worldbuilding?

      For those new to the concept, worldbuilding is the art of constructing a fictional world. This involves creating people, places, concepts, magic systems, technologies, creatures, histories – anything you can imagine. You then assemble these elements into a cohesive whole that can serve as a setting for stories, art, games, or any other creative project.

      If you already have a world, please introduce it in the comments! Ask questions about other users' worlds in the replies. This allows everyone to share their creations and potentially even get new ideas through discussion. You might even get a question you haven't considered before, which can actively help you develop your world further!

      If you're interested in worldbuilding but haven't started, feel free to participate in the discussion! Maybe you'll be inspired to create your own world. You can create anything you like, incorporating elements you find compelling, interesting, cool, or even funny – it's entirely up to you!

      If you have artwork related to your world, please share it! We'd love to see it.

      35 votes
    37. Peeves, opinions, and hot takes about style

      The recent topic on grammar errors that actually matter got me interested in all of your opinions about style. Working in academia, I have developed a surprising number of strong opinions about...

      The recent topic on grammar errors that actually matter got me interested in all of your opinions about style. Working in academia, I have developed a surprising number of strong opinions about style and formatting over the years. I'm curious to hear what you all care about. I am also curious to see if I can be persuaded to cool down some of my own hot takes based on your responses. I'll share a few to get us started.

      1. For the love of all that is holy, do not put a footnote in a title or in an abstract.
      2. Similarly, do not put a citation in a title or an abstract!
      3. An abstract should be... an abstract, not your life story or even a summary of the paper. It most certainly should not develop and defend arguments.
      4. Does a published manuscript really need to be double spaced?
      5. I'm in the punctuation-inside-quotations camp, but I am open to the alternative. I am somewhat of a weirdo in believing that individual authors should be free to use either style (so long as they remain consistent in their usage).
      6. Bibliographies should prioritize the language of the original source; meaning, it is ridiculous to transliterate the titles of non-Latin works in a bibliography. What are you going to do with that information? If you don't know that language, then it is utterly meaningless, and even more so because you can't even do anything with that transliterated text. Plus, good luck getting a standard transliteration out of anyone. All this does is just obscure the fact that these sources were cited, at least as far as indexers are concerned. It would make more sense to just include translated titles next to the original, but eliminating the non-Latin text altogether is so absurd (looking at you APA).
      7. On a similar note, foreign words should not be italicized or emphasized any other way just because they appear in a text. All this does is fill up the text with needless emphasis that distracts from the things you do mean to emphasize.

      Okay, I will stop here before I cross the threshold where I won't be able to get anymore work done today! :b

      24 votes
    38. Tactics fans: What do you think of turn order?

      I've mentioned a few times I'm working on making a tactical RPG engine, and I'm finally at the point where I'm doing the actual important part of determining turn order. It's a harder design...

      I've mentioned a few times I'm working on making a tactical RPG engine, and I'm finally at the point where I'm doing the actual important part of determining turn order.

      It's a harder design decision than I thought, so I thought I'd ask for opinions.

      I'm trying to make a game in the style of Shining Force, where the turn order is determined by a unit's status. There's quite a few games like that, but I'm wondering if that design is actually good. The thing that makes that style of game good is that they're actually fairly easy, and the "noise" of stat-based turn order, where you can't depend on a specific turn order, seems to make the game harder. Or at the very least, it closes the door on more precise tactics. I've had plenty of experiences where I thought a unit was safe because they had enough HP for one more hit, and the enemy ended up hitting them twice before their turn came up.

      In reality, I'm actually pretty set on keeping this in my engine for better or for worse (boy, is it hard to resist expanding scope), but I'd be interested in hearing some opinions nonetheless

      18 votes
    39. Grammar errors that actually matter, or: the thread where we all become prescriptivists

      This subject is a dead horse on most social media platforms (I'm sure there are dozens if not hundreds of similar threads on /r/askreddit alone, for one), but I didn't find a thread about it...

      This subject is a dead horse on most social media platforms (I'm sure there are dozens if not hundreds of similar threads on /r/askreddit alone, for one), but I didn't find a thread about it specifically on Tildes from a cursory search (though I did find more specific threads about some aspects of it like this one as well as the broader prescriptivism vs descriptivism subject here and even the mirror opposite of what this thread is about, that is deliberately using non-standard language in a constructive manner) and I think that it might spark worthwhile discussion.

      By and large, I agree that language should be seen from a descriptive point of view, meaning a language's rules are defined by how people speak it, not the other way around. As the need to communicate evolves, so does any given living language and a rigidly enforced ruleset would get in the way of this process. By opposition, the prescriptive approach views a language's rules as defining a "correct" way (making any other way incorrect) of speaking the language to be enforced accordingly. Following either approach to its respective logical extreme would be a dead-end but I do think the most reasonably balanced way to approach this tends a lot more toward descriptivism than prescriptivism.

      While agreed-upon rules are still definitely useful to establish a language's identity and defining a standard helps both with learning the language and structuring how the language should evolve (and when learning it's probably best to operate by the book at first, literally or otherwise, until you're familiar with the language enough to reliably tell when bending the rules is advantageous), getting yourself understood is much more important than strictly "following the rules", and that's before considering the cases where the rules themselves are ambiguous, or their validity is a matter of debate, which itself brings up the much more controversial issue of what constitutes an authoritative source for a language's grammar in the first place. In practice, even if there is a consensus on something being a grammar error, most are benign enough to not risk the meaning of the sentence being misinterpreted anyway. And of course, there's the issue of people ostensibly wanting to be helpful using "correcting someone's grammar" as an excuse for gatekeeping, toxic behavior or derailing conversations into a pointless grammar debate.

      For example, while my latent pedantry constantly incites nitpicking on those smaller mistakes, it's obvious that someone using "Your welcome" instead of you're is acknowledging gratitude and no one would argue in good faith that this could be misinterpreted as referring to an abstract hospitality belonging to the person they're addressing. Similarly, using "irregardless" (which presumably arose as a contraction of irrespective and regardless) might be argued as meaning the opposite of "regardless" since ir- is a negation prefix, making using that word a mistake due to the ambiguity. In practice, interpreting it that way in any sentence where the word actually appears would be very unintuitive so the ambiguity doesn't actually manifest... Though the argument I see much more often against its use is that irregardless is "a made-up word" and therefore incorrect (as opposed to all the real words which are, what, woven into the very fabric of the universe?), which is silly. I personally don't use this word, but I wouldn't bat an eye if I saw it becoming normalized either.

      That being said, I believe there is such a thing as incorrect use of language that actually hampers communication and therefore should be discouraged, some of which I'll give examples below. I... got wildly carried away while writing it so I made it an optional collapsible box.

      Warning: long

      Using "literally" to mean "figuratively"

      Obligatory relevant xkcd. While I understand the argument of validating this use as a natural extension of using exaggeration for emphasis (and it's intuitive enough that I sometimes catch myself doing it), I do think the words that are supposed to mean "I am not exaggerating, using a metaphor or joking, I mean this in exactly the way I worded it" should be exempt from this. Language history is no stranger to words shifting their meaning until they're the opposite of their former meaning, and there are plenty of situations where words simultaneously have opposite meanings (in fact, enough of them that a term exists for this which has its own Wikipedia article) where I don't think it's much of an issue, but I do think this matters here, especially since this is happening to many similar words used for that purpose (such as "actually" and "genuinely"), not just "literally". Unambiguously clarifying that the meaning of your statement isn't figurative is something important enough that the words for it shouldn't have their meaning diluted IMHO.

      bytes vs bits

      More of a matter of technical standardization than pure linguistics, but two separate albeit related issues are happening here. First, a "bit" here is a unit of digital data, being either 0 or 1, whereas a "byte" is another unit usually made of eight bits. While you can define bytes following a different amount as some older and specialized machines do, in practice there is no ambiguity with 8 being the accepted norm and other words (including the word "word" itself, funnily enough) being available should the distinction matter. The bit/byte distinction is commonly understood and usually not a matter of confusion... until you start bringing up shortened unit names and disingenuous marketing. Despite the unit that the average user is most familiar with being the byte, shortened to an uppercase B as a unit symbol, while bits are in turn shortened to a lowercase b, unscrupulous advertisers will often take advantage of the fact bits are a lesser known unit while using almost the exact same symbol to refer to, say, network speeds for a broadband plan they're trying to sell using bits, not bytes, allowing them to sneak in numbers (in bits) eight times bigger than the values (in bytes) the customer would expect in the unit they are more accustomed to.

      Using SI prefixes in place of equivalent binary prefixes

      The second part (and with it another relevant xkcd) is the distinction between decimal SI prefixes and the IEC binary prefixes, or lack thereof in common usage. For context, a convenient coincidence for computer science is that the value of 1000x and 210x (equal to 1024x) are similar enough for a low enough value of x to map binary prefixes according to the usual SI metric prefixes (so while 1kg is a kilogram equaling 1000 grams, 1KiB is one kibibyte equaling 1024 bytes, 1MiB is a mebibyte equaling 1024 kibibytes, and so on) and using them to refer to data sizes, which is a lot more convenient to deal with when everything related to computing is binary rather than decimal. This also led before the adoption of those binary prefixes to the practice of "incorrectly" using the SI decimal prefixes' names and symbols when referring to binary data sizes. I'm perfectly fine with this in informal contexts precisely because it's a convenient shortcut and the inaccuracy usually doesn't matter, but this also means a company can pretend, say, a storage device they're selling has a higher capacity than it really does by mixing up the units to their advantage. Worse, a company that does want to convey the capacity of their devices to the user in good faith has another issue: MacOS defaults to computing sizes displayed to the user using the decimal prefixes (1MB = 1000kB = 1 million bytes), while Linux generally defaults to the binary sizes (1MiB = 1024KiB = 10242 = 1048576 bytes).

      In which I manage to blame Microsoft for a grammar error

      Not much of an issue if you stick to the correct units, but given which OS I pointedly didn't mention yet, you probably realized where this is going. Microsoft, in their infinite wisdom, elected to show data sizes on Windows that, while computed according to binary sizes, are displayed using the decimal prefixes, leading to 1"MB" = 1024 "KB" = 1048576 bytes, but displayed in units that imply it should be 1000000 bytes. This is a holdover from the older practice of using the metric SI prefixes' names as binary prefixes when specifically referring to bytes I mentioned above, which is nowadays discouraged in favor of the international standard for binary prefixes established back in 1999... but clearly Microsoft didn't get the memo. Is it a minor problem in the grand scheme of things? Absolutely, but I consider this negligent handling of a pretty fundamental question where a clear consensus has been established given that this is coming from the company that publishes the consumer OS running on the overwhelming majority of personal computers. As someone who is familiar with computing, I understand why the mental shortcut makes sense. As a consumer, if I buy a kilogram of something, I expect to receive as close to a thousand grams as the manufacturing process reasonably allows, not consistently end up with 976.5625 grams instead of the advertised kilogram. In any other context, "it's more convenient to pretend we count in base 10 but we're actually counting in base 2 and not properly converting the numbers back, usually to the detriment of the customer" would be seen as absurd, but the IT industry apparently got away with it. By not following the internationally standardized terms in their own OS, Microsoft is perpetuating this issue which is doing us a disservice... and I'll move on to the next example before this becomes yet another computing rant in what's supposed to be part of a thread about language, and not even the programming kind.

      I could/n't care less

      I'm starting to see a pattern here. Another case of "saying something but actually meaning the opposite" which I think is important to be mindful of. Granted, "I couldn't care less" is a common enough stock phrase that omitting the negation usually is recognized as such and not interpreted to mean the opposite, and there are other (and probably more intuitive) ways to convey the literal meaning of "I could care less", but given that there are generally a whole lot fewer things people care about (and therefore occasions to state it) than the alternative, I think it matters more to keep a way to mean that something does actually matter to you intact than expanding the way people can say that they don't care about something by including the exact opposite. I've also seen this used in yet another way to refer something they care about to at least some degree, but still little (with the reasoning that feeling the need to state explicitly that you are able to care less implicitly states that you cared very little in the first place) which is very similar to the meaning of "I couldn't care less" but still has makes an important distinction that I think should be preserved.

      Wrong homophones (or otherwise similarly sounding words) when the correct one is not obvious

      Mistakes derived from those are usually not an issue since it's very easy to tell which is the correct one... until it's not. For example, "brake" vs "break" when talking about cars, "ordinance" vs "ordnance" when the topic intersects bureaucracy and the military, and "raise" vs "raze" might lead to very unfortunate misunderstandings in construction. More generally, "hear" vs "here" can quickly make the meaning of a sentence incomprehensible especially if the mixup happens in a sentence where both are used, and "than" vs "then" can radically change the meaning of the sentence. Similar sounding words can have pretty significant differences without mixing them up being necessarily obvious, such as amuse/bemuse, persecute/prosecute or prescribe/proscribe. Ironically, the common mixups that people tend to find the most annoying to see (e.g their/they're/there, to/two/too, loose/lose, affect/effect, should or could of instead of should or could have, definitely/defiantly) aren't the ones that are likely to actually introduce ambiguity (I would suspect bad faith from anyone claiming a mixup between "angel" and "angle" is actually ambiguous, with one notable exception), or, if they do, not in a way that would radically warp the sentence's meaning (inflict/afflict is a common one and the two words are similar enough that it would be difficult to notice if the "wrong" one was used... but that goes both ways: they're so similar such a mixup would most likely be of little consequence to the overall meaning)

      Leaving unclear links between clauses

      While the above is mostly about word (mis-)use, another big category of mistakes that gives me a headache is made up of sentences where the ambiguity comes from the structure of the sentence itself. I would include Garden-path sentences and certain cases of dangling/misplaced modifiers in this category (though not all of them as context is often enough to clear up any possible confusion). For the former, news article titles that are too clever for their own good by trying to fit as much information in as few words as possible are notable offenders. I've actually given up trying to understand a news headline for this reason at least once. For the latter, there are already many examples out there of leveraging it for comedy, so I'll use the following as a more straightforward example: in the sentence "I need to invite my best friend, the CEO and the mayor", it is unclear whether I'm referring to a single person that is my best friend, the CEO and the mayor at the same time, two people one of which is both my best friend and the CEO and the second person is the mayor, or three different people. Ambiguities like these are something I consider important to be mindful of because they can quickly result in the meaning you intended to convey being completely warped.

      Which turns of phrase would you consider to be categorically incorrect? Did I commit one in this very post? If you chose to read through the content of the collapsible box above, do you disagree with some of my examples (or the entire premise of the question in the first place)? While I'm assuming English as the default for my own answer, feel free to talk about any other language you might know (ideally with context for non-speakers of the language).

      Also, since I mentioned it in the post, another optional subject: which mistakes that people seem to care a lot about (and sometimes not even mistakes, given that the same treatment is occasionally given to perfectly correct turns of phrase due to misconceptions about grammar rules) do you think aren't actually important at all?

      38 votes
    40. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like steve huffman, tiananmen square massacre and bluejeweled. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like steve huffman, tiananmen square massacre and bluejeweled. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was at a loss.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      18 votes
    41. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like gratitude, three cheers and infotainment. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like gratitude, three cheers and infotainment. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was befuddled.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      12 votes
    42. Have you altered the way you write to avoid being perceived as AI?

      I recently had an unpleasant experience. Something I wrote fully and without AI generation of any kind was perceived, and accused of, having been produced by AI. Because I wanted to get everything...

      I recently had an unpleasant experience. Something I wrote fully and without AI generation of any kind was perceived, and accused of, having been produced by AI. Because I wanted to get everything right, in that circumstance, I wrote in my "cold and precise" mode, which admittedly can sound robotic. However, my writing was pointed, perhaps even a little hostile, with a clear point of view. Not the kind of text AI generally produces. After the experience, I started to think of ways to write less like an AI -- which, paradoxically, means forcing my very organic self into adopting "human-like" language I don't necessarily care for. That made me think that AI is probably changing the way a lot of people write, perhaps in subtle ways. Have you noticed this happening with you or those around you?

      30 votes
    43. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      6 votes
    44. What were some artists, groups or albums that had an influence on you before you were old enough to choose for yourself?

      The cutoff age would be different for different people. Early music shapes us. I have read that even people with dementia respond to music from their early life. I thought of a few for me, and I...

      The cutoff age would be different for different people. Early music shapes us. I have read that even people with dementia respond to music from their early life. I thought of a few for me, and I was curious about people here.

      21 votes
    45. What does it mean to be a step-parent?

      I've had this idea rattling around in my head all day and feel I need to get it out. I apologize in advance if my thoughts seem jumbled or unoriginal, I'd just like them to escape. As a preface, I...

      I've had this idea rattling around in my head all day and feel I need to get it out. I apologize in advance if my thoughts seem jumbled or unoriginal, I'd just like them to escape.

      As a preface, I speak of being a step-parent to young children through adolescence. The dynamics change when you are older and your parents remarry.


      What does it mean to be a step-parent? I've wrangled with this most of my life in some way - my grandparents divorced before I was born, and I had a step-grandma from the start. Being around her always came with extra rules. I would later realize this was always the case with new step-parents, after my own parents divorced. Is that really what it means to step-parent though? To come into a situation and impose your own new rules and routines on this child that isn't yours, who has no real connection with you? I chafed with these restrictions and impositions. I disagreed many times, and it hurt me when I felt that my parents didn't support me, their child, and instead agreed with this impostor.

      Of course this is a simple, childish view, but it was certainly correct in some ways. Most often, I simply felt confused and angry about why these adults who were not my parents were pretending to be. Much of this is likely unresolved trauma from the divorce itself - it was very messy.

      At times though, I was right to mistrust these people who had step-ed into my life. My stepmom was (is) emotionally abusive, and my dad enabled and supported that behavior. My stepfather tried to force religion on me, nearly kicking me out of the house over it. Fortunately in that case my mother was ready to leave with me (literally, with packed bags) and he backed down.

      So how does one handle a step-parent? How does one be a good step-parent?

      Years ago I met a woman who I came to love. She came with two children, who I became a stepfather to. Now I was in the position of the impostor, the interloper to this family dynamic which was already established. I really tried my best to figure out where I should draw what lines. How would discipline be handled? What rules did we need? How would I know that I didn't overstep some boundary or line? Given my history, I felt both prepared and utterly lost for what to do. I didn't feel that I'd ever had a positive model of a step-parent in my life. The closest was my stepmom in some moments where she truly supported us - between the abuses. I certainly wasn't going to be just like HER though.

      Like any rational human being then, I talked to my wife about this at length. We established a few ground rules: We would do our best to be consistent (between mom, dad, and me), We would always keep the best interests of the children in mind, and we would never badmouth/doubt/cast shade on the decisions or actions of the other parents involved - at least not to the kids. These gave a good foundation, and we are also fortunate in that the adults in the room could get along and act in good faith with each other.

      I work as a teacher, and fell back on that role often - a person of authority, who isn't a parent, but is certainly there to help you succeed and work with the parents. This seems to be a good framework to build off of.

      What does it mean to be a step-parent? For me it means being a co-authority, a sort of triumvirate of care for the children. It means accepting that complex situations mean there are few easy, simple answers, and being able to navigate that. It also means knowing where your boundaries are, and not butting up against them, or worse, going over them.


      If you are a step-parent, or have had one that's been a positive influence for you, I would love to hear your thoughts. Even if you aren't, or don't, I would love to hear your thoughts. Thank you for reading my messy opinion piece, and maybe for the next one I'll write when I have more than an hour to work on a post!

      17 votes