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  • Showing only topics with the tag "dating". Back to normal view
    1. How can I tell a woman that I'd rather wait to get to know them before having sex?

      This is, without a doubt, a very contemporary problem. Maybe a decade ago women were more repressed and this situation simply did not present itself. Men are trained by society to always look for...

      This is, without a doubt, a very contemporary problem. Maybe a decade ago women were more repressed and this situation simply did not present itself.

      Men are trained by society to always look for the "endgame", which is to achieve sexual intercourse as quick as possible. I was no exception. But, with experience, came the realization that quality comes before quantity, and sex is much better with intimacy and affection.

      Nowadays, I'd rather wait for multiple dates before having sex with a woman. That's an odd position to be in, especially in a sexist culture that prescribes a predatorial attitude for men. I am expected to take the initiative at all times, to be always looking for an opening.

      It doesn't help that I have a hard containing myself. Not to humblebrag, but getting women aroused is not something I find particularly hard. Sometimes it happens inadvertently.

      I understand that I'm supposed to have a conversation about it, but this comes with its own difficulties. How can I do this without implying that...

      • her desires are wrong/despicable?
      • I do not desire her?
      • I have a lack of libido or some kind of performance issue?
      17 votes
    2. Love in the time of coronavirus?

      Following an off-topic conversation starting here: https://tildes.net/~health.coronavirus/mq7/advice_from_a_doctor_who_studied_coronaviruses_for_50_years#comment-4qi7 I thought it would be handy...

      Following an off-topic conversation starting here:

      https://tildes.net/~health.coronavirus/mq7/advice_from_a_doctor_who_studied_coronaviruses_for_50_years#comment-4qi7

      I thought it would be handy to establish that life still continues even in pandemic lockdown. One participant mentions a successful video date, and another wishes for sex.

      The questions below may be personal and sensitive - please use your best judgement in answering or refraining to do so. Usual Tildes rules of courtesy apply.

      1. If you're in a relationship, what are you doing to keep it alive and healthy?

      2. If you're not partnered, what are you doing, if anything, to date or otherwise meet your needs while everything is closed down (if this is the case where you are)?

      3. Does your idea of love or sex require physical contact?

      4. If physical contact is required, what, if anything, are you doing to stay safe right now?

      21 votes
    3. How to date when you're pushing forty?

      Semi-throwaway cause you'll see. I used to know my way around dating. I felt some control over my projected image. Witty yet humble, respectful yet naughty, interesting yet safe. Just the right...

      Semi-throwaway cause you'll see.

      I used to know my way around dating. I felt some control over my projected image. Witty yet humble, respectful yet naughty, interesting yet safe. Just the right amount. I made no promises, but relationships were never of the table — and I had quite a few. I was frank, true and kind. Telling the truth about my intentions was both liberating and effective. Ladies liked it.

      Maybe that's a consequence of age, but the shtick is not working anymore. Most women my age (and in my location) seem to expect someone more "mature", someone to marry with, or at least someone that is willing to become a father figure for their children. IDK. But I'm not that guy. Going after younger women is a double-edged sword since I'll have to deal with growing pains I have long left behind. And it's not like they're too interested in me anyway. I refuse to believe that marriage and fatherhood are necessary steps for maturity, but sometimes this seems like an inevitability. And it's not like I blame women for wanting that: it's within their right to want whatever suits them. And I want their company. I just don't want to participate in the big project.

      I do not believe in marriage, the same way I do not invest in any large project with such a slim chance of success (and for me divorce is only one of many ways a marriage can fail). I absolutely do not judge anyone who chooses to become married, but it's not for me.

      So hence the question: how to date when you're pushing forty?

      17 votes
    4. How did you meet your significant other?

      Howdily-doodly Tilderinos. I want to say "See Title." But I feel like that kinda defeats the purpose of this site, so I'll expound a bit. Looking around me now, I see couples walking around. I see...

      Howdily-doodly Tilderinos.

      I want to say "See Title." But I feel like that kinda defeats the purpose of this site, so I'll expound a bit.

      Looking around me now, I see couples walking around. I see young men strutting down the street; rushing to and fro; or making their trek somewhere on a bike. I see young women on these rent-a-scooter things that Bird and other companies offer; walking beside their friends; or sitting with their books.

      And I can't help but reflect on how much our adult lives are built around doing romantically isolating things. We sleep 8-hours a day; social progress here is only made in dreams that we occasionally wish to remain in. We work 8-hours a day; and as far as I understand it, relationships with colleagues are wholly discouraged. That leaves us 8 hours to cook, eat, maintain a home, relax, participate in hobbies, enjoy friends, and enjoy family.

      Our society feels, to me, very live-to-work; not that I have an alternative to the status quo to offer.

      That being said – Tilda Swintons, how did you meet your significant others?

      edit: "howdilly" => "howdily"

      16 votes
    5. Middle aged gay dating advice?

      Fellow LGBTQ+ ~ers, I'm hoping you can give me some direction and pointers in dating advice. I'm a male in my early 40s who has become single after a dozen years and finally realizing/admitting...

      Fellow LGBTQ+ ~ers, I'm hoping you can give me some direction and pointers in dating advice.

      I'm a male in my early 40s who has become single after a dozen years and finally realizing/admitting that I'm gay. This isn't a huge deal (I've always identified as queer/not straight) but it does leave me in a place of total ignorance on how to proceed in meeting gay men and dating them.

      I'm not intetested in sex-without-friendship, so Grindr is out. I'm not a fan of social media, so FB is useless to me. Even if there are any gay bars left, I'm not the bar type. My preferred personals site was craigslist... which shows you how out of the loop I am.

      Any advice on dating sites and/or alternative ways of meeting people? I'm thinking about getting a bunch of shirts printed with a wittier version of "Introduce me to your gay friends!" and a rainbow necklace or bracelet...

      If location matters, I'm a fair distance outside the Seattle area but get there often enough.

      Thanks, all!

      12 votes