I am posting to get your opinions on something that happened tonight.

Music started blasting from my neighbor’s place at 12-ish with some people screaming. Our corridor has a WhatsApp group and I wasn’t 100% sure which neighbor it is so I messaged there at around 12:30am.

I chose my words to be as polite as possible… dunno if it was polite enough. Something like: hey to the people who are having the party, have fun but please adapt the noise accordingly with the time with a thanks emoji.

They replied apologetically and added that it was their birthday. Didn’t feel like it was being used as an excuse but more an explanation.

Thinking maybe I should have let it slide regardless of whether it was their birthday or not but I did wake up exceptionally early this morning and needed some sleep after a hard day’s work.

Am I being too anal about it? How would you handle such a situation with noise?

Hi Tildeans,

Today I accepted an offer in New Jersey situated in New Brunswick. My partner and I will be moving out there likely late July/early August. We will be bringing two dogs, one cat, and one snake with us. For those that live around the area, is there anything I should know about finding places to rent (e.g. places to avoid)? We are willing to be a little bit away from New Brunswick, but I would like to have easy access to the rail line that goes through the city so I can commute in without the use of a car.

Also, what are some recommendations for places to check out when we get there? We have pretty broad tastes when it comes to art, food, outdoor activities, and all of that. Lastly, if there is anything else you think I should know about the broader East coast area please feel free to share!

Does anyone have any experience with online degree programs? I was looking into the Arizona State University online Electrical Engineering BSE. The program is accredited and your degree is not marked any differently than an in person ASU degree.

I already have a BA in Economics, but I don’t really use my degree for my work. I feel like my career is progressing just fine, but I’ve always been interested in science and math. I tried Electrical Engineering at the beginning of my undergrad, but I was too undisciplined and unfocused to handle it.

I am interested in ASU because it will allow me to take classes while still having a full time job, but I am interested if anyone else has gotten a degree while working full time. What was your experience like?

So I'm looking to get out of apartment living in the next couple of years, so I browse housing listings semi-frequently just to get an idea of what's out there and what I can expect cost wise.

My boss made an offhand comment about buying a lot and getting a prefab installed on it, so I started looking into it, but I came back with a lot of questions.

1. Home builders seem to have preset floor plans. Every time I try and find a prefab house, all I can find are blueprints for purchase. Do you find a plan you like and then find someone to build it?

2. Home builders I find all build giant houses. I always see comments online about how "Builders can't build affordable homes because of red tape," but I don't understand how that means they can only build 5B/3Ba houses. I cannot find anyone that has preset plans for a 2B house.

3. How much about getting a lot "ready" would be up to me vs a builder? Is that gonna depend on the builder and what they offer? Is that all done out of pocket, or would that be included in the construction loan?

For reference, I'm in Atlanta, though I imagine a lot of these answers will be "It depends on the builder."

I posted previously about looking for a house for my disabled partner and myself and after several stressful months we're closing on April 30th!

So, now what? I'm working on home insurance quotes, I have the money arranged for closing. We're in the "these issues need addressed" phase of the contract process (there are no smoke detectors in this house wtf) and the home inspection raised no dealbreakers. No radon or termites.

So what don't I know about? What new homeowner things do I need to be thinking about now? We plan to move in the latter half of May. Accessibility suggestions are also useful, we're going to have to add a small ramp inside (one step), move a cabinet in the kitchen and replace carpet in the master bedroom.

Thanks for all the advice last time, please give me more of it?

I'm currently a software developer consultant working as a lead developer in the fintech industry. My team consist of me and 6 other developers of various levels of expertice. I started apx a year ago in this position and the project was to take over an system built by an external company and develop and maintain it going forward. We grew the team over time, so initially there was only me, but after 3 months we'd added a couple of other developers. The most junior developer with only a few years of experience took on the scrum master role at 50%, which allowed the other of us to focus moren on dev stuff. I wouldn't have said the scrum master was a junior level developer based on them having worked for several years. That was my expectation...

After a few months we've continued to grow the team. All in all we are now 7 developers. The person that initially had the scrum master role has since opted to focus more on the dev side. We've accomodated them and since mid january they've focused soley on dev. However, the outcome of this hasn't met my expectations. Working 50% as a dev I understand (and expected) that they wouldn't pick up the domain/system as easily as simeone soley focused on the dev role. Given that they've now had a couple of months I don't really see any improvement however! And, to be clear, it isn't really about their level of output. I'd be content if they were able to show some increased understanding of the domain and/or had increased the quality of their work somewhat. I see none of this and a tendency to "hide" their work (postponing creating PRs so it's hard to judge their progress/need of help, not asking for support, dismissing offers for help when given, non participation in discussions/problem solving etc etc).

Speculating, but to me it seems they are not comfortable in their dev role and I seem to have failed in this instance to establish enough trust (either in me or in the team as a whole). I don't see this issue in the other team members though (even with the more junior people). Complicating things is that I am not their manager. So, it is ultimately not my responsibillity.

Any advice in addressing the issues? Ideally the outcome would be a situation where they have started to contribute to the team in some meaningful way. Should I be more patient? Should I impose help on them, e.g. comitt to pair with them on all work? What is a good and construcrive way to approach this (preferably without being a complete ass)?

This is one of those bizarre examples where I think a simple Google would solve the mystery, but I've tried dozens of searches like "halogen track lights with LEDs in center" and NO product comes up with it. Does anyone know what these are?? My guess is that it has to do with one of the lights being out, but why so many LEDs then?

Hey folks - I've been wanting to go whole hog on automating my home, I read through this smart home automation - tips and tricks thread started by @Merry and had a lot of useful information.

Some of the things I took away from it:

• Home assistant is pretty great (if you don't mind tinkering)
• Getting something that will boot back up after a power failure is great
• Use smart plugs / switches vs bulbs
• Maintain it's usefulness if there is an internet outage

Like I mentioned I'd really like for this to be privacy focused and mostly self contained. Sure I'd love to be able to control stuff from my phone while I'm home and also recognize that I'm home or away.

I just am a bit smooth brained when it comes to even seeing "would something like this work with the wiring / circuity that I have in my home already?"

If there are any good guides to follow or really specific advice / steps I could follow to begin this process I'd really appreciate it.

I've tried before to get input on this, but online it doesn't go anywhere and IRL people don't seem to understand. Thought about putting it in the /~finance area, but I don't know that it's really a finance issue, plus things there seem to be wider-scale financial in focus. And there's no /~advice page, so here it is:

I feel like I should be making more money lol. Now immediately, that sounds greedy or either capitalistic/anticapitalistic, depending—I know it does, but hear me out. I have a great job that pays ok but not great, and tons of free time; in my mind, and if I'm being honest in my field, chasing a 5% raise is low ROI and low likelihood of even happening. There is little room for vertical movement, but enough security that it seems crazy to make any changes. Post-college, I have had a pretty varied career background, I am very good at editing, research, training, tech, etc. but I am not an "idea person" and I don't have a lot of marketability or self-promotion ability, it seems like (also no coding abilities, which is always a suggestion; I've tried, believe me, but my brain won't do it). I'd rather edit your book than write one of my own, not because I'm afraid of rejection or can't commit to doing something/run out of steam, but because the steam just isn't there.

I don't feel the need to change careers, but I am also feeling super unfulfilled. I've worked on doing things to try and fill that gap, hobbies/other pursuits/etc, but I am haunted by the fact that I am using such a small part of my bandwidth, when it seems like I could be outputting at 2x or 3x and earning similarly. I've applied for contract work, freelance, all that stuff, but it is spotty pay at best—what I want, short of a medieval patron/wealthy benefactor, is a second job I could do on top of this one. Which leads me to side-hustle-type rabbit holes on starting an Etsy shop/a YouTube channel/a Patreon page. But when it comes down to it, I don't actually feel any passion about doing any of those things, and I can't get a narrow enough niche figured out to even come up with a potential audience. I've avoided specializing because I wanted to do all kinds of things, and now I've done that, and I feel like maybe it was a mistake. I just want to have the resources available to do what I want. Bills are paid, life is good, but I feel like I am spinning my wheels: even writing this out is like a roller coaster of feeling shame that I'm not satisfied or that I'm ungrateful, then being frustrated I can't make it happen the way I want, on my own.

Because see, I didn't say I deserve more money; I want the opportunity to earn more money. There are a ton of things I would be perfectly happy doing for a living, or for a second job. And more money might not even help—if I was a trust fund baby I be in a similar situation. But what the fuck should I be doing then? I guess what I really want is for someone to say "Hey, I need this job done, I'll give you $XXk a year to do it" like it's 1980, and then I know I am serving a purpose? And I wouldn't feel guilty about time left over, because the job is Done. But part of me is afraid that, even if that somehow magically materialized, I would feel the exact same way I do now.

so what do tilderinos?

Greetings Tildeans!

I am wrapping up my Ph.D. and am pursuing a teaching-focused career in higher education. I am currently in talks for a 4-year institution teaching faculty position that would revolve around teaching a subject I am passionate about and could provide a lot of intellectual stimulation. Unless something wild happens the offer is there and we are just negotiating the parameters. I also have a position that is in 2nd-phase interviews for a community college tenure track position that would be teaching general biology, anatomy, and physiology. I feel optimistic that they are going to offer me a position, but nothing is concrete yet.

I'm at this impasse because both have really good reasons for doing them and would provide experiences unique from the other. I am trying to balance the pros and cons between these two positions and consider what might be good for my career in the long run, and so I was hoping I could get some advice. Even if you're not in academia I think it would be helpful to get some outside prospective. I'm gonna list my thoughts on it below.

4-year University

Pros:

-Teach upper level and domain specific courses with opportunity to design courses I am passionate about.
-Integrated into scientific community if I want to to do more research/keep abreast of scientific advancements.
-Great community of teaching faculty with lots of support.
-Could be good curriculum vitae experience if I want to stay teaching at a 4-year institution, and could open up teaching psychology courses.
-Option to develop a community outreach project I am passionate about, not sure if there is support for me but there is infrastructure there.
-Partner's family is in the area, and it is a big metropolitan area with lots to do.
-Can get tuition at 25% cost for my partner and I incase we want to get some other degrees.

Cons:

-Pay is not great (does have option of picking up extra summer online classes to earn more).
-My partner and I don't want to live here long term, primarily because of climate, and cost of living is increasing. We are already ready to move, but this is a good opportunity.
-Is contract based, so not as much job security. Having said that, many of the teaching faculty have been there a long time and it seems like the student body for this department is generally growing.

Community College

Pros:

-Pay is pretty good, and there is a baked in growth of salary as long as you stay there long term. Pay could be as much as $15K more starting out than the 4-year institution.
-Small class sizes, so better teacher:student ratio means more involved education.
-Cost of living in the area is pretty cheap (so far).
-Beautiful area and would put us closer to a part of the country we would like to live in long term.
-I do like biology and physiology, just not as much as neuroscience.
-From my understanding there is lot of support and easy options to get into administration if so desired. All the faculty I briefly met had been there at least 7 years.

Cons:

-Only lower levels courses, with little room to develop new ones.
-Not sure how this would impact my ability to switch to a 4-year institution if I end up craving that intellectual stimulation.
-The area is in a part of California that does have issues with forest fires (not the town proper), and the county swings hard in the opposite direction of my politics.
-Small town so there isn't as much to do.

Overall, the community college looks best on paper. We're not planning on having kids so family support isn't as big of a deal. My main concern is if I could switch back to a 4-year institution if I feel like I'm missing something. So if anyone has any thoughts please let me know, in particular if there are other things I'm not considering that you think are worth examining.

Edit: Just to add some additional information. As part of making myself a good candidate for higher education, I have worked as a teaching assistant for several courses during grad school and I have taught online physiology as an adjunct professor at a community college, so I have some experience in both environments.

Thanks ahead of time!

I'm starting the process of looking to buy a house. My partner uses a power wheelchair and anything we buy is going to need to be accessible or modifiable. So I know we're looking for a ranch, probably 3/2 at most is what will be affordable but I'm finalizing my pre-approval now.

That said... I'm almost 40 and I've never bought a house before. What are some things I need to know when looking at a house? I have a realtor and we're looking at our first place tomorrow. I'm bringing a measuring tape because the accessibility will matter.
But I don't even know where to start and what the normal questions are!

We bought our house over eight years ago and it came with a number of appliances. Within the first year, both the refrigerator and the dishwasher crapped out on us. We replaced them with new Frigidaire and Whirlpool models respectively, but I definitely haven't been satisfied with them. Now my washer and dryer are acting up and I'm not sure how much longer they've got.

When our fridge first started giving us issues, we had someone come out to try to fix the existing one. He basically told us that it would be around $400 to replace the failing motherboard on it — and given how simple that fridge was, it was essentially the price of a replacement. So you can't fix anything—you just throw it into a landfill and buy a new one.

The principle of "you get what you pay for" doesn't seem to apply, either. I don't need a fridge that has a 20-inch OLED screen for connecting to a Samsung account. Paying more just seems to get you more features that are likely to cause problems down the road.

Before we bought our replacement dishwasher, I got a subscription to Consumer Reports. The one we got was one of their recommendations. But it's just… not a good dishwasher. Little parts of it keep failing (e.g., the top rack's glassware holder-spine-thingies). And it's leaking, too!

So, to bring it back around to the subject title, how do you even find reliable appliances? Does anyone even make reliable appliances? It seems like there has been a race to the bottom among all of the appliance manufacturers (not that this is a unique to appliances, as this Vox piece explains). Long-term reliability doesn't move units off the showroom floor, so it doesn't get prioritized. (Plus there's the whole economic disincentive for "durable goods" to actually be durable.) And with model numbers changing annually, there's no good way to keep track of which models have proven reliability.

I won't bury the lede - my friend isn't non-monogamous or polyamorous, and that's the crux of the issue. At the least, he has never really considered non-monogamy before.

My (31F) marriage is uniquely suited for non-monogamy and has been for ten years strong, and my husband (30M) is entirely comfortable with what I'm proposing here. My biggest concern is the risk to my friend’s (30M) feelings and his perspective. So, before I speak to him about it, rather than seeking advice exclusively from people who practice ENM, I am actually curious what everyone might think of the situation. I also think Tildes probably has the only pool of monogamous people on the internet who would be interested in discussing this topic respectfully and approaching it with curiosity or empathy rather than disgust - I know it's a strange topic for most people.

Essentially, over the past two years I've been spending more and more time with a friend of mine. My husband is a pretty good friend of his, but they are not extremely close or best friends, they know each other through me. My friend doesn't date a lot, and we simply find ourselves drawn to spending a lot of time together, having very long conversations late at night, and doing things like going on a few vacations alone together. We haven't discussed it, but there is an overwhelming sense that we would probably date, had I been single when we met. He's very respectful of me and my marriage, but sometimes we each end up innocently flirting with the other - small compliments about our appearances, comments about how our “love languages” tend to be similar, etc. A few weeks ago he asked me if my husband and I have an open marriage (I don't often share that aspect of my life, my husband and I have been functionally “monogamous” since I've known my friend, and we haven't dated anyone else for quite some time.) I answered by saying that I actually do have an open marriage, yes. His question caught me off guard. I didn't expect him to ever ask because he doesn't seem like the type of person who would be interested in non-monogamy. So, I asked him what he thinks about non-monogamy, and he said he hasn't thought about it much, and has always been monogamous in past relationships. I wanted to think more about what to do next, so at the time I didn't let him know that I was specifically attracted to him.

Certainly, it may be very wise to accept that my friend is likely just monogamous, as most people tend to be, and simply continue on with our normal platonic friendship as it is. However, recently I'm finding it harder to contain my feelings on the matter, and he doesn't exactly make it any easier on me, because I really think he engages as well. Recently a mutual friend asked me if something was going on between us because she noticed him flirting with me. A couple of friends have agreed that the chemistry seems undeniable, so I don't think this is entirely one-sided.

At the least, I think I need to be honest with him that I'm attracted to him and open to some kind of romantic/sexual relationship with him. That way, if he says this makes him uncomfortable, I know I have to adjust my expectations and put proper boundaries in place. Of course, my hope is that he might be interested as well, at which point we can discuss what that would look like, but that's a separate topic because first I want to approach this with caution and respect.

I feel that it's really the sexual element that is up in the air. We already spend a lot of time together, and any purely monogamous person would probably already consider our behavior to be “emotional cheating,” if it happened to their marriage. I don't think most male/female friendships involve endless late night conversations, casual flirting, and prioritizing each other over other friends. To me, adding sex to the relationship seems like a no-brainer since we seem attracted to each other, but obviously most people wouldn't feel the same way.

Also, imagine the same situation, but with the genders flipped. We've all heard stories of unfortunate women who thought they had a great friendship with a man, only to eventually find out that the guy had been pining after her sexually for some time. My worst fear here is making my friend feel like our relationship was shallow, or that I was just trying to get something from him. But I didn't end up here on purpose, I just found myself here somehow - and I also would be more than happy to remain just friends with him if that's what he wants.

What would you think if you were a fairly monogamous person, and your close, non-monogamous friend admitted they have feelings for you? Would you be offended or hurt? Do you think there is a tactful way to bring it up? Would you prefer they never tell you, so you can just continue your friendship as normal, or for them to just move on without you if they can't let go of the idea?

Of course, the only real answer is that I won't know how he feels unless I ask him about it. I just thought I would talk this out with some kind strangers before jumping in. My brain seems quite wired for non-monogamy, and sometimes I struggle to see things from the perspective of monogamous people. Jealousy is not an emotion I have experienced often in relationships. I am flattered when any of my male or female friends admit attraction to me. Some of my friend groups are very queer and/or polyamorous, where behavior like dating your friends or being friends with ex-partners is fairly typical. But this friend is from a part of my life where non-monogamy is not as much of a given. I am also a bit worried about what our monogamous friends would think, as we do spend a lot of time in the same group of friends. I am worried that if he were to meet someone in the future who he wanted a relationship with, the woman wouldn't be comfortable having me around in the group, especially if I am still practicing non-monogamy at the time. I have many worries. Non-monogamy is complex. But mostly, I feel like this could work.

I know some of you are non-monogamous and I'm definitely interested in your thoughts, but I wanted to specify that I'm open to anyone else's take as well.

Backstory: Seemingly randomly, I was contacted by a company that saw a comment I made online about a previous area of expertise that they want to venture into and have asked if I'd like to be a consultant to them.

I've never been a consultant, dealt with them directly, or have any idea what would be expected of me as one. Looking up consultants and consultancies and what they do has provided zero insight as they seem to be purposefully vague or overly broad.

Starter questions (I realize they're vague and I'll have follow up questions as I get a handle on this):

1. If you are or have been a consultant, were you independent or part of a firm?
2. What do you actually do?
3. What did/do you charge for your consultancy services?

Howdy all,

TL;DR - Installed new cabinets, picked up new butcher block countertops to match existing. Stained it - using the Minwax stain and planned on using Watco Butcher Block finish to finish it. I am concerned about food safety and health. Note I am not using these as actual cutting boards. Just countertops. Would using the Watco finish be safe/sufficient for sealing the stain?

So to give a little context, my wife and I moved into our home close to 5 years ago. The person who flipped our house put in standard big box birch butcher block countertops. We like them! They stained them a nice dark color and we have not thought much about them. From what they mentioned, they "finished" the counters with the Watco Butcher Block finish. Occasionally the areas near the sink get grey and dry from water and could use a clean/restoration. Of which I have been using Howard butcher block conditioner and I think it does a great job of giving the wood some life.

Now I finally got around to installing some more cabinets, and I picked up another countertop. Obviously wanting it to match, I just used the same Minwax stain that the flipper used. I had planned on sanding all of the old countertops re-applying the stain and then coating in some urethane-like topcoat in hopes of helping stop the discoloration and make the counter more durable.

This lead me down a rabbit hole of a bunch of people online basically yelling about putting anything other than butcher block finish or mineral oil on butcher block countertops and how its not food safe/toxic. So naturally this kind of freaked me out. Is the stain on the current counters harmful? Do I need to sand everything and then reapply with just a food safe option? Can I just sand and add a poly topcoat? Or am I fine to just have the stain on it and use the Watco butcher block finish? AM I POISONING MYSELF?!

I would like to add we do not use these countertops as actual cutting boards. We always use a "real" cutting board.

Really I am just looking for some advice or a sanity check to make sure I'm not harming ourselves. Hoping this could also help someone else learn without having to do it the hard way.

Thanks all so much for any info anyone is willing to provide.

I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future.

Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that historically has just "floated around" my living space (cables, adapters, small tools, stationary, batteries, etc...).

I'd ideally want a bunch of appropriately sized containers that I can organize stuff into. I'd love for each box to be some tesselation of a standard volume, so that I can arrange and stack those containers neatly in a drawer or on a desk.

If you happen to work with 3D printing, this may sound a lot like Gridfinity, a modular open-source grid storage system. And I agree! Gridfinity's goals completely meet and shoot past what I'm looking for. But I currently have no interest in investing the money or time into buying a 3D printer and making prints. And there doesn't appear to be an obvious commercial version outside of "random" folks on Etsy.

I also considered getting a Drawer Grid like you'd see in a Maker Space. I might end up getting this if I can't find a better option, though I'd prefer a storage solution I can stuff in a drawer.

I was curious if:

• Anyone had any product recommendations that might fit the bill
• Anyone had any thoughts on the organizational endeavor itself, and if there are any ways I could be going about this better.

I've got time now to browse tildes again, until I broke my arm last week, been busy with life otherwise.
It's a nice thought to get time off work, but not a nice thought when most my hobbies involve my hands.
Of course appreciate the support by my partner, family and friends. Very thankful I have them.
But with my independence floundering, I hate spending my days either sleeping or eating or mindlessly scrolling though social media.

Looking to hear stories of broken limbs and how you've coped and adapted, and advice on physically navigating with one arm. Carrying a cup of tea and then needing to open a door, how to open a jar with one hand, cooking (or not cooking) and all else

Hi all,
I don't know where to turn on this. I work in a small company, my boss who is an amazing person and has given me so much and helped me really kick start my career has had some accusations over the past little while. But now I've heard a few stories that really show that he's done some shady stuff. My boss has been like a brother to me and is a close friend. I have no idea how to digest this and I have no idea who I could talk to, so I'm just posting here.

I don't want to lose a friend, he's been nothing but amazing to me.

Edit: thank you everyone. I'll keep reading the comments. I just need to reflect on this and I appreciate your discussions.

Edit 2: There is proof enough to not deny things, inappropriate and agressive advances and groping stuff. Nothing good.

The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened.

The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea that we would be so badly penalized for management choices that created significant operating cost overruns in the face of a projected short-term demand decline. I've lost half the members of my immediate team, good friends, people whose work and thoughtfulness I deeply respected. The entire department structure is being upended. The harshness of the selection for people who were being laid off included a teammate who's in the hospital, parents of young children, people on the edge of retirement. I'm suspicious and extra hostile towards the company - it's very significant to me that all the people of color and people who've had recent medical leave are among the lost.

It's not the first time I've watched and survived a company's poor management and bad choices, but this is by far the worst. I've worked very hard at staying professional with the customers this week. I'm still inwardly seething with rage. I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive to the people who are leaving. I'm trying to figure out how to help a team lead who's in his first management job, and is totally devastated and nearly frozen with helplessness. I'm decent at my job, but don't know why I was kept and others with equal or greater skills were let go. I don't feel good about what qualities I might have had that corporate desired to keep - dutifulness, compliance, amiability, reticence?

At the same time, I'm looking at months of double workload even though corporate management claims they'll outsource part of the duties (so that's another symptom that I'm replaceable) and manage the task pipeline. There's a frankly insulting retention bonus if I stay for another year. We've gotten the usual anodyne HR garbage about the employee assistance program and coping skills. The corporate management's left us with the ominous "stay tuned for further announcements over the coming weeks".

I don't have a lot of choices here. I'm trying hard to stay focused on the present, without looking over the cliff of dread at the future. At the moment, I'm the sole support for our household and source of health insurance. My spouse is badly burnt out, and I don't want him to look for work a minute before he's healthy and enthusiastic about a job. I'm a late-50's end-career professional who wouldn't normally have much interest in restarting yet again elsewhere. I very deliberately chose this company, job and location, liked the work I was doing, the people I was doing it with, and I was looking forward to building on it. There's still the possibility that our half-vacant remote office will be closed and consolidated with the corporate headquarters. I have less than zero interest in relocating, and plan to keep separated coworkers who live here as personal friends.

I'll be grateful to hear any advice on coping with this situation, and hope the replies will be helpful to others in future.

Heyyy Tilderinos! I'm getting my first tat tomorrow - planning on a Lopunny and Mega Lopunny on my bicep that I'd love to turn into a patchwork sleeve of my other favorite Pokemon down the line. Bouncing between really excited and really nervous! What's some general advice you'd give?

Hi everyone!

I am moving to Colorado from Oregon late February and will be driving with my cat. I am shipping my belongings separately so it’s just us in the car.

We will be traveling through Idaho, Utah, and Colorado. I have never been through any of these states, particularly this time of year. My planned route is

Day 1 - Portland, OR -> Boise, ID
Day 2 - Boise, ID -> Salt Lake City, UT
Day 3 - Salt Lake City, UT -> Grand Junction, CO
Day 4 - Grand Junction, CO -> Denver, CO

Because of the time of year, I wanted to see if anyone had tips for traveling this route. I have checked average temperatures for the cities I’ll be stopping in for that time of year but I know that’s not the full story. I’m also going to get my car checked out before the long drive to make sure all is well. I have all season tires that are newer and chains already in the car.

I have a first aid kit, will bring a few blankets and some food/water for both me and the cat (Marge), a battery pack, and a few days of clothes for the traveling. That’s all I could think of.

Does anyone have suggestions or tips for this 1200+ mile trip? Also, my cat has only ever been in the car for about 3 hours at most. She’s sometimes anxious and sometimes chill. If anyone has suggestions for traveling with a cat in the car for up to 7 hours per day, that would also be appreciated!

This is a silly sounding topic, but I'm unfortunately in such a situation and want to be a step ahead in self defense. My ex wife and her new boyfriend have been overheard by my kids saying that they're going to "get me" or generally do something bad to me. They are not physically strong people so I'm not worried about a violent attack, but they are intelligent people and I'm worried about all the other options the internet leaves open to them. My ex obviously knows my social security number so I have already locked my credit with the three agencies (Experian, Transunion and Equifax). I have also changed every password I can think of and have security cameras around the entrances to my home. What else should I be doing? Are there legal consulting services or routes I should be looking into to prevent possible problems? I don't want to go overboard with this (and I promise I'm not a paranoid person) but I want to take any reasonable precautions I can to prevent bigger problems.

Overall band score 8.

What's the next step? I am an Indian and wish to pursue a master's program in the US.

Should I prepare for the GRE and apply for spring semester? Total newbie about all of this university stuff.

Thanks in advance.

I work at a Series A startup. I joined on the promise that it would be 16 backend engineers a year from when I joined. It never grew and maxed out at 8 (non-eng headcount experienced the most growth). Fast forward to 18 months and it's looking like between parental leave, illness, responsibility differences, and general departures, in a few weeks I'll be one of 2 backend engineers actually writing code, and one of 3 backend engineers overall.

There's 1-2 resume-building projects I'd like to stay for, but it's likely that one of them will get deprioritized. I've never been happy in this role for a slew of reasons, reasons for which others have left. This could very well leave us at 1-2 backend engineers in Q1-Q2. We are hiring, but I suspect we'll only backfill 1 role as 1-2 engineers are on "temporary leaves" (but one leave is 3 months, the other is basically indefinite).

Any advice on what to do in this strange situation? I'd like to say that I'm considering quitting and want to train another backfill, but it could hurt me more than anything else. I'd be interested in more options (no backend engineer's comp has increased in the 18 months I've been here except 1 underpaid / underleveled person) or a small sabbatical of 5 weeks. I wouldn't mind a senior title but lots of qualified engineers have been rejected for it so I stopped putting weight on the title. But all of those are a little rude to accept if I quit less than 6 months after.

edit: removed some typos, clarified some timelines e.g. months -> weeks

Hey all,

Bought a house 2 years ago, and have had a handful of issues where I had to call someone out to take a look. Whether its plumbing/HVAC/whatever, sometimes they are clearly things I couldn't do myself, but other times, it feels like something I could probably do if I put aside the time.

Most recently, our sump failed resulting in some flooding and we had to get it replaced, which ended up costing $700 USD. I know pumps only cost around $300 and generally understand what work needs to go into replacing it, but was worried I may miss something crucial, especially when replacing the piping and screw the whole thing up. On the flip side, I've had a lot issues with our furnace, so the last time an issue came up, I spent an hour on Youtube and just figured it out myself.

Sometimes it just feels silly spending a bunch of money on labor, when its something you could spend an afternoon doing yourself. It just feels hard to gauge when its worth investing the time to figure it out myself or not. I also never know what to do in the situation when the person who took the time to come out gives me a price, it feels like your essentially trapped at that point.

Anyone with more home ownership experience have any advice?

This is an off-shore sweat-shop knock off variant of @Akir 's "Kitchen Towel" installment of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet" thread, which was very popular.

Short problem: So many different types of stuff around the house and I'm sick of it.

Longer problem:

I have dozens upon dozens of types of towels, gifted to me from teenage years from someone, and I've never managed to be able to buy my own towels. And it sucks. They're all different types and styles and sizes and fabric and....I'm old now and I hate it and I just want to fold ONE type of towel in the bathroom and ONE type of towel in the kitchen. I would like different colours for different purposes, maybe I can decorate them myself or whatever -- but I want standardization. From @Akir's thread, I learned about "Flour Sack Towels" from @tanglisha and omg where had that advice been all my life. I feel like seeing the light at the end of the tunnel for kitchen towels.

What I need:

Recommendations for all types of household goods that have stood the test of time, where I can obtain the same product from multiple sources or one long standing brand that is not interested in diversification.

one common type, common functions, common properties

Example: Corelle dishes. I have "big plates" and "little plates" and "bowls" that are all the same size and form, and at thrift stores I can easily find replacements of these common types, even if they were made decades apart and in different patterns. All exactly the same: serves the same and washes the same and stacks the same. The company seems uninterested in discontinuing their line of products and I love them for it. I need the Corelle of all things.

What are your trusty brands and types of "things" that are so obvious you'd never have to think about buying any other types of? Something so standardized that in your region they're just known as "----" instead of what they are actually called or brand name or size?

Do you know a brand that just makes ONE thing forever and they'll never change? Or a public domain type of thing that's an industry standard? I need to know what they are. Nails? Screws? Tools? Computer things? Cables? Cutlery? Knives? Types of household chemicals? Spices? Meat cuts? Margarine? Storage bins? Kinds of wood? All kinds of things, please.

Side question about existing, gifted, singleton household towels and socks :

I'd like to ask about what to do with my existing million different types of socks and towels. I want to buy my own as an now older adult. At what point should I flat out tell them to stop giving me socks and towels? Do I just suck it up and keep quietly re-gifting them to food bank? What about all the ones in current rotation? I would hate to throw out stuff but at this point I'm nearly ready to do it.

In one of my secret santas this year I have bought a digital copy of a solo RPG to give, however as it's only a PDF I'm not really sure what the best way to go about presenting this on the day of the exchange would be. I want there to be something for her to open, I know that much. In an ideal world whatever she opens will link to a download of the PDF or something, so maybe a QR code situation of some sort?

Welcome to this exciting episode of "Someone Asks Basic Life Questions to the Internet"! In this installment, we ask for help from members of the audience who really know where their towel is. Do we have a Betty Crocker in the house?

Right now I have 2-3 crusty and mostly useless kitchen towels strewn around my counter space. For some reason, kitchen towels just kind of evade my attempts to manage them well. I tried to keep them folded in a corner of the counter, but I never liked the idea of putting them back there after I used them even if it was just to clean a water spill. Putting them in a drawer was this but worse because they bunch up and seize up on the frame it goes into.

On top of that, I'm never sure exactly how to keep them clean. Most of the time I avoid using them to touch food or to clean up with; I clean up with sponges and use paper towels for when it needs to touch food. But I think that paper towels are kind of wasteful, so I want to stop using them. There are also some applications where paper towels simply don't work that well to begin with, especially when you need a sturdy wet towel. I'm wondering if I should just be sticking them in my weekly laundry loads, but I tend to forget about them for a day and don't want to have a need for them while they aren't usable.

So for the past two years, I've been a residential Cable Technician working for a subcontractor for Cox (Comcast). After many applications, I finally landed a position. I'd been trying to get a foothold into IT for a while now; my A+ is nearly expired at this point. I was pretty stoked to actually get the position. The position is a "Level 1 IT Specialist" at a private school. Utilizing company software to respond to tickets, fix issues for admin staff and teachers/students. The only hitch at first was that I had to shave clean (Silly, I know). Begrudgingly, I relented. That's fine, it's not particularly impressive anyway.

Today, I got a call from the HR rep who did my onboarding saying that I would also unfortunately need to cut my hair to follow their guidelines of hairline above the collar. This is a huge deal for me, as my hairline is currently at the middle of my back. I just wear it up for work. This would truly devastate me. The people interviewing me (3 of them) said it would be fine, then the employee handbook stated otherwise. When asked, the HR rep said she'd contact a supervisor, supe said no, and now she's referring me to another department (Benefits? Dunno how that's relevant) to try to make an exception or something to that effect.

Beyond just wanting to lament the likely loss of 4 years of work, I did want to ask those who are more experienced in the IT field than myself: Is this job (the IT one) one that will absolutely help me progress in my IT career? I know I didn't give the most detailed explanation of it; I hardly know everything myself. It was hard enough to finally have a job get back to me. And I was accepted rather quickly. But the loss of my hair gives me pause, and makes me wonder if I'm better off at my current job and waiting for another opportunity that might never come. Should I just grit my teeth and accept this blow to my identity for the sake of furthering my career? Any advice at all is welcome.

Recently my daughter (third grade) has started learning to type at school. It's a Montessori program, so it's a pretty low tech environment overall, which I mention because I don't necessarily expect them to have a nuanced view of technology issues.

One of the typing programs they use is nitrotype.com, which adds a competitive gameplay element. However, it also has mechanism to friend another player. Friends can only communicate with stock phrases, so there's not too much "Internet leakage" beyond being able to choose a username.

I set it up for my daughter on her Linux Chromebook (I whitelist things I want her to have and everything else is blocked at DNS). Seeing her interact with it the first time, I realized that she spends as much time "adding friends" as doing the typing.

On its face, this activity is pretty harmless. But I am worried about the patterns it might be creating for her. I'm worried about her uncritically engaging with the dopamine hit of getting a new friend. Or how it shapes her idea of how many friends she has or where idea of her self worth comes from. Or what she thinks friends are.

So after that long preamble, here are some questions:

• How would you explain "friends" in this context?
• Would you distinguish them from other kinds of friends, either real or virtual?
• Would you attach a moral component to the activity? E.g. that it is good/bad or helpful/harmful
• How would you frame it to the teacher? Not so much in terms of whether or not they should do it in the classroom, but what kinds of conversations should they be having about the friends experience?
• If I'm asking the wrong questions, what questions should I be asking instead?

I'm really interested in seeing the perspectives people have on this. My own ideas are a bit murky, but I will put them down as a comment.

I received a quote from a local contractor to do some home remodeling. Some of the numbers make sense, but some seem quite high. Like, I can't believe it costs $3k in labor to install an electric fireplace insert, or an island hood. Anybody have any insight they're willing to share on this quote?

Remodel estimate

1. Planning and asbestos test $1,190.00
2. Move range outlet $1,514.00
3. Island hood $4,498.00
4. Electric fireplace insert $4,133.00
5. Main bathroom $36,552.00
6. Hall bathroom toilet and fan with humidistat $3,579.00
7. Concrete landings outside the front and back doors, front siding flashing $2,899.00
8. Re-pipe plumbing $14,993.00
9. Bedroom window glass replacement $749.00
   Total $70,107.00

Description
Plans will be refined. Drywall will be tested for asbestos content.
Dust will be contained and floors will be protected.
The range outlet will be moved.
An island range hood will be installed. The placeholder hood in the estimate is a Zephyr Brisas.
An electric fireplace insert will be installed. The placeholder fireplace in the estimate is a
Dimplex 500001756.
The main bathroom will be remodeled. The shower will be replaced with a pre-formed shower
pan and Corian walls, and two shower valves and shower heads will be installed. A sliding
shower door will be installed. The floor will be tiled. A new vanity cabinet, countertop, sink, and
faucet will be installed. A new toilet will be installed. The vanity electrical outlets will be
lowered, a larger lower mirror will be installed, a new vanity light will be installed. A ventilation
fan and light will be installed with a humidistat/condensation sensor. Drywall will be patched.
New baseboard trim will be installed. The bathroom will be painted.
The hall bathroom toilet will be replaced. A ventilation fan with a humidistat will be installed.
Concrete landings will be poured outside the front door and outside the back sliding door. The
front door landing will be about 5-1/2’x4’ with a curved corner. The back landing will be about
3-1/2’x3’.
The plumbing in the house will be replaced. Drywall holes from installation will be patched and
painted.
Window glass will be replaced in the bedroom with the broken window pane.
Everything will be cleaned up.
All labor and materials are included.

Thank you!

We found out recently that we are expecting an addition to our family and are incredibly excited! It's still early on so we are not trying to get overly excited knowing that things can happen in the first trimester, but would like to begin educating ourselves on the pregnancy process and parenting.

Am curious and would love to hear from everyone what resources they found most helpful on these subjects. Pros for evidence based sources that manage to not be overly dry. Send me what you got! Any general advice you have would also be greatly appreciated :)

My son got invited to a birthday party, which will be at a candy shop. I don’t know the girl other than she’s 7 and likes dogs and crafts. Any suggestions would be appreciated! Budget would be under $20 or so.

Edit: thanks so much for all the suggestions!

I graduated in the spring and spent the last few months at home with family. I'm hoping to find an apartment/job in a major US city working as a legal assistant or paralegal.

I've never rented before, so I have questions, but due to circumstances related to the ones pushing me away from staying at home any longer, I don't have any parents or older siblings to ask for help, so I'm hoping to crowdsource wisdom here. I have specific questions, but also happy to hear any general advice for someone renting an apartment for the first time.

Some relevant context:

• Studio apartment is nonnegotiable. I don't know anyone I trust enough to be my roommate. If that weren't enough, I'm one of the only people still wearing a mask and trying not to get COVID, so it's gotta be a studio for me to be able to relax.
• I'm looking for a walkable neighborhood and good public transit in addition to affordability, so really looking at Chicago and Philly right now.
• I love to cook, but I know studios often have really lackluster kitchens. Hoping to find one with a usable amount of counterspace.

Those questions I had:

1. If you offer to pay a landlord the cost of the lease in full, is it typical for the landlord to waive the requirement that you provide proof of employment, or if you asked them to waive that, would they be likely to say yes? I would really like to take some time off, and coming home was intended to be that, but toxic family means I've just been stressed the whole time, so being able to get a place without needing a job right off the bat would be a fantastic setup to make sure this new start goes well. (If I save up part-time earnings for the next 2-3 months, I'll have enough to pay a lease on a $1200 studio in full, furnish it with the necessities, and feed myself.)

2. Recently I realized that when apartments are listed as unfurnished, that means no bed or mattress either. (I kind of see now why futons are a thing.) How do people usually address this issue? Do you buy a mattress and bed frame with the expectation that you'll take it with you whenever you move out to the next apartment?

3. Since I don't live in the city I'll be moving to, I most likely won't be able to see the apartment in person before committing. Any particular ideas on how I could handle this or what I should be wary of? I've heard of services where you can pay someone to show up to a tour and video call you so you can follow along (https://www.gandertour.com/). $50 doesn't seem too steep, but I don't know if that specific service is trustworthy, or if there's a cheaper or simpler way to deal with this.

Those are my questions, and like I said above, any advice not 100% related to these questions is welcome too!

Hey all. I have a room that's currently lit (during the night) by two light fixtures attached to the same wall and on the same switch. Each fixture has two LED lights with a 2700K or 2800K color temperature (don't remember exactly), 230lm brightness, 3.9W power consumption, for presumably a theoretical total of 920lm and 15.6W. These bulbs are angled some 45 degrees forward aimed at the (white) ceiling in order to reflect diffuse light for the rest of the room.

I'm going to add two tall bookcases to that wall which are going to cover where the lights currently are, so I need to figure out another solution for lighting. I don't want to damage the ceiling. Currently, my idea is to extend the wiring from the walls up behind the bookcases and place lights at the top of the bookcases, similarly angled forward so they reflect off the ceiling closer to the middle of the room.

But I'm not finding appropriate fixtures, devices or anything else that I can place on a horizontal surface in order to angle a directed diffuse light forward. The closest I have right now would be something like these outdoor waterproof floodlights.

They have a number of problems, though, chief of all the temperature being 3000K (that's the lowest available; you can get them a lot colder). For some reason, no one seems to be making 2700K/2800K versions of these. I'm afraid if I buy these, the light in this room will be noticeably different from the rest of the house. They are also very bright at 1000lm each (these are the darkest available; they make them even brighter) for a total 2000lm, more than twice the current brightness. I'm afraid if I sit in a room lit by these, it will affect the quality of my sleep.

Does anyone have any ideas that might yield something closer to what I currently have, but which can be placed atop the bookcases and directed forward and up, as desired? It's also important that replacements don't require waiting for a 6 week cargo ship voyage from somewhere in China, that the power consumption isn't significantly higher, and that there won't be some huge monstrous device on the bookcase visible from the ground.

After a recent incident I've had with a male colleague at work this past week, I feel lost and downtrodden on how to move forward in my career. I've experienced various forms of misogyny in most roles I've held, but this has been the worst offense I've encountered. It honestly has me sick with stress and I feel so alone in how to handle it.

For context, I am often the only woman on meetings and regularly have to lead groups of all men. I've done this all throughout my career and have accepted it as a norm. While I have encountered issues in the past, never anything as egregious as what I dealt with the other day. I am often having to verify and source technical information to ensure project items are on track and this requires me to connect with various individuals. When some recent concerns were brought forward for an ongoing project, I was continually given the runaround by this male colleague. Due to days passing and the lack of cohesion for the issue of concern, I attempted to have a group discussion amongst the relevant folks.

This action sent that male colleague into an absolute rage of which I was the target. An action that I have regularly done for months without issue and is a run-of-the-mill thing for communication was misinterpreted by him. Instead he viewed it as an attack and ran to my lead to accuse me of running to higher-ups to assert he isn't doing his work properly; a completely opposite story from what I had done. This male colleague proceeded to yell at me like an abusive ex and is proceeding with excluding me out of important discussions. My lead is also male and due to this male colleague running to him first, he sided with him when I attempted to connect about how I was treated. When talking with both men to explain or try to understand their perspective, I was continually talked over, hushed, and essentially silenced into submission. I was told I am now a risk to team cohesion and that I am causing problems when I have been receiving nothing but praise from all others for my work.

I'm honestly so distraught from this experience and the lack of support from my lead. Each meeting with the male colleague that screamed at me has me on edge and I feel sick when determining how to get the answers I need for my work. Instead I am having to find a way to get placed on another project and the stress of sorting this with my company's HR. My confidence in my capabilities feels wounded and I am filled with anxiety now even when talking about topics I am familiar with. I am struggling to move past this and have the energy to find something better.

For those of you who have experienced similar misogyny in the workplace, how did you overcome incidents like these? How did you stop feeling so broken by how it affected you? I'm so worried about landing another project or job that will have these same issues and I really don't know if I can take being treated by men like this in the professional world anymore. How do you interview or gage a company to determine you won't encounter this again? I am so bitter of continually seeing men have this behavior, yet have been rewarded in their careers by being elevated to positions of authority. Any advice, sharing of wisdom, or any support would be greatly appreciated.

Hey all! Long time no see.
So, I'm dealing with a problem that I can't find many other people having online and I thought I would ask you very well informed people.

So, I recently got a double mastectomy, went from I believe C cups to an extremely flat chest.
Since then, I've had quite the trouble with shirts, specifically t-shirts.

They never did this before, but now, the shirt collar rides up on my throat every few minutes. It doesn't seem to matter too much what the size is, large or medium(the 2 sizes of shirts that I regularly wear).
Of course, they also fit looser, but I expected that.
Is this causing the shirts to ride up? Is there any way I can fix this?
Additional, may or may not be relevant details:
I have been on testosterone for 2 years, so could it have something to do with mass increase around my shoulders/neck?
My weight is around 210lbs, and I'm 5'7/5'8.

If anyone knows anything, or could point me to a better place to ask this question I would really appreciate your insight!

I am helping someone look for a job related to coding (in Canada). Software development, web development, app development, etc. You get the idea. I have no connections in tech to help them network. And I don't understand what the difference is between an intermediate/intro position, what qualifications to help them highlight on their resume, or what is preventing them from finding a job. I know they've applied to hundreds of posts on LinkedIn and Indeed, etc. but they have only received a single interview (but no job).

I am at a loss - how do I help this person? How do you help someone find a job in a field you don't understand or have any network to help them meet the right person? Tech specific advice would be a godsend, but really any job-search related tricks, tips, etc. that I can pass on would be greatly appreciated.

I have a problem. My wife is currently training for a half-marathon and getting really into it. She's getting anxiety about being able to finish her training runs, she's telling me how much this is going to mean to her, and comparing the race with her giving birth to our children.

My problem is that I just don't "get it".

As a good partner, I'm really trying to support her. I have never said anything negative about her running, I've always watched the kids when she needs to train, and I'll absolutely be there during the run to cheer her on. But deep down it just doesn't feel like a 'big deal' to me.

I'm glad that she's healthy and exercising regularly, and that she's getting some mental relief from being a stay-at-home-Mom. But just running a long way is just that. I liken it to saying everyday after dinner, I'm going to go stack some rocks in the front yard. And then one day saying "Wow, I'm going to stack them 10 feet high!". And really expecting her to get excited for me because of that.

Running feels like a personal accomplishment, and because of that, I'm sure she's excited personally, but I'm just not that impressed. I've always hid that part, and just said things like "way to go babe!" or "I knew you could do it", but she could tell this morning that I wasn't truly excited about it.

To compound things, her sister and brother-in-law are avid runners, and they've both done marathons. She is just in awe of them, and they all hype this up to each other. On his last run (a 30 mile trail run) he was faltering, but made it through. Everyone is just so impressed with his accomplishment. I mean its cool that he's good at his hobby, but also that kind of shit cannot be good for your body, and he had like a 3 day recovery period where his wife is watching the kids almost exclusively.

Why is he doing that to himself, and even more importantly, why is everyone around us so excited that he did? I feel like they're getting excited that someone went to the gym and worked out, but just in an extreme manner.

What is wrong with me? Please help me understand why I'm not excited that my wife is running a long distance.

This question is particularly regarding kids ages 5-12. I've read some great tips, and I'm wondering what you have found to help. Here are a few:

1. Emphasize boundaries with frequent caretakers, such as grandparents and neighbors.
2. Share science facts, religious traditions, and a variety of creation myths with young kiddos to neutralize Bible stories.
3. Talk regularly about your own ethics and values.
4. Explain others' beliefs and contextualize those beliefs as part of their culture.

Any advice on how to clean & control dust in the home?

I live in an apartment with no central HVAC, and i suppose certain life choices contribute to excess dust build up.. like

1. Air drying clothes-- All the fibers & dust don't get trapped in the dryer, they kind of stay on clothes until they dry and fall off in my apartment
2. windows are left open (depending on weather)
3. working on sewing projects

Not willing to change any of the above, so i might just have to deal with dusting all the time.

But dusting itself is difficult... Dusters that move dust off surfaces seem perpetually inefficient and can't capture 100%.
Wiping down surfaces is better but even microfiber cloths don't pick up everything either. Clumps up weirdly. And don't want to use a wet rag for dusting off books e.g.

Any suggestions are appreciated!

Hi all, our 13 yo, 50-60 pound (25 kg) and mutt dog has been with us for his entire life. A happy and socially anxious friend. A pleasure to have him around. Many times spoiled.
Since a year ago, he started with mobility issues (besides cataracts and partial progressive deafness that do not seem to bother him much). Initially was difficulties jumping on the couch and now it is serious difficulties and some times impossibility to just stand up or go up a few steps on a short stair. Sometimes he has gave up, four legs wide open, belly on floor, even not calling for help, like peacefully defeated. It has becoming more frequent that I have to carry him up and stairs.
Most week days, he stays by himself from morning to late afternoon. He does not help himself inside the house.
He does not seem to be suffering right now. I am not sure but it is not evident to me.
My question is, when would be the best time to put him down? I want to be prepared and plan this properly.
Should I wait until I see him suffering, with pain, soiled? Should I just proceed and prevent any suffering at all? Should I act when I feel uncomfortable assisting him.
Thanks for any advice or comment.

So here's my situation and what I'm trying to prepare for. My mom is currently sick (we think it's an infection), and last night she fell and threw up, scared me half to death. She says she's fine(ish) now, and we're waiting on test results. It got me thinking how she said I'll inherit her Siamese cat breeding business and it got me thinking a lot about it.

I'm wanting to divide what is currently a purely aesthetic room so the queens can have more room for their kittens who then won't get to hide under/in the couch (yes, inside the couch, because they tore holes in the fabric underneath it, apparently) whenever I try to show them to customers.

I want to divide my dining room from the entry way, where the front door leads into the living room, so the cats don't escape out the front door. Imagine a hallway (12 to 14 feet long) from the front door to the living room (and it's a double wide doorless doorway connecting it to the living room), but one wall of the hallway doesn't exist, and instead opens fully into the dining area. I haven't measured yet, but I'm estimating it's around 12 to 14 feet across, and 9 or 10 feet tall.

I'd like to use something budget friendly (ofc), like plexiglass, acrylic, resin, whatever. Something fully see through (or as see through as possible) so the customers can see them immediately. Proper glass will need a whole installation process and will add to the cost. Also, I'll want to add a door to this new "window wall" so the customers and I can walk in and out, and preferably have it be a sliding door, since I think this is the option that will be the least likely to pinch a kitten.

My dad suggested a garage screen door, with magnetic closing, made of fiber glass mesh, but I can already tell the cats will eventually tear it up and make it look ratty, and also slip out from under it most likely.

We can't use normal room dividers because our cats can sometimes jump from the floor to the top of the fridge, and room dividers are too flimsy. Also I'm not sure how to fasten a door to them (maybe I could just open them, but idk).

I've also half-way crossed any meshes, cages, or fencing off my option list because it looks ratty imo. Btw when I say "ratty" I mean it will make me look like some backyard breeder or someone who doesn't care about her cats. I don't want my kittens to look like inmates lol. But cages/metal bars are a last resort, because I need something, as right now my mom has them set up in what I personally consider to be cages that are far too small to keep the mother cat in 24/7 for 2 to 4 weeks. The mother cat can just about lay down once you have to put the litterbox in. (It's the vertical one with the 3 tier platforms, with wheels and a bottom tray that you can find on amazon)

I've looked all over amazon, just window (lol) shopping/browsing for ideas on what I could use, and omg. Either inflation is horrible, or I'm severely out of touch with what a "budget" option for this project would be.

I've even gone so far as to consult ChatGPT, who was not really that helpful.

A list of things I've thought about already are:
-Garage screen doors (cats will eventually scratch through and slip under)
-Sliding barn doors (for the end of the entry way that leads into the living room, instead of dividing the dining room, but this would give the kittens and queens access to the front door when people go in and out)

• Those DIY metal grid panels people use to build storage furniture (ratty looking, and kind of expensive, but is my last resort as it seems to be the cheapest option I think)
• Ordering a proper glass window wall (this would have to be properly installed into the house, which would cost too much)
• Normal room dividers (too flimsy, too short, no door option)
• Chain link fence segments (definitely ratty looking)
• Decorative metal/PVC room divider modular panels that hang from the ceiling (I can't seem to find a version that has ample visibility without giant holes the kittens could slip through)
• Just building a bigger cage (more expensive than just building a wall out of the panels, and again, it's ratty looking)
• Using clear acrylic modular panels with holes in the corners, chained/tied together to hang from the ceiling (it's an option, but I'm not sure if it's the best in terms of aesthetics & cost, and idk how to attach a door that way)
• 3D printed prefab wall panels (not see through, and idk if/how I'd fit a door on it)
• Prefab floor to ceiling windows (expensive, heavy, needs proper installation I think)
• A clear, plastic tent piece, large enough for a patio (that would also look bad, since it's shiny and most likely will get scratched up)

I may be forgetting some options that I considered already, but I'm a complete novice at construction and home improvement, so I figured you guys probably know something I don't. I need a true barrier, that is preferably as clear as possible.

Even if you think your idea isn't all that good, suggest it anyway because I might be able to springboard off of it. This includes ideas relating to stuff I've thought of already.

Our extended family lives in the same city and we're always getting together (brother/sisters-in-laws, their kids). So basically our generation and our kids. Probably 13-15 of us.

We meet maybe once or twice a month, but whenever we meet, kids just go do kids things, dads go over here, moms go over there. One of the dads invariably falls asleep, one or two of the kids kind of mull about not quite fitting in here or there.

I was wondering if any of you had any ideas for something that can be done together that might help build memories or at least structure some time so that there's meaningful interaction and we can get to know each other better instead of defaulting to whatever is least effort.

The only constraint is that is has to be that it's an in-home, indoor activity suitable for teens/pre-teens.

Next week, I will be closing on my first ever home (hello Michigan tilderinos!). One of the projects I want to tackle and work on after I move in is setting up a smart home ecosystem that is sustainable long-term. I saw the open-source Home Assistant but I think I need to do more research on it and find compatible products. For now, my wishlist of projects are:

• Controllable lighting from my phone or computer
• Carbon Monoxide/Natural Gas detection
• Water leak and usage monitoring
• Thermostat

Are there any other use cases that you use home automation for? If you use Home Assistant (or used it in the past), what are some things I should consider? Any products that you bought in the past and regret now?

Aiming this question at parents mostly.

I'm about to be a dad in the next week or so and I obviously want to raise my son to be a good person. My father was/is an absent drug addict, so I have a good roadmap of "don't." But I saw very little in the way of "do."

Where is the line between being too authoritarian vs too permissive? What are your thoughts on gentle parenting? I don't want to trade "well-behaved" for "well-adjusted" or vice versa.

I'm also open to newborn advice since that's what I'll primarily be dealing with for the next little while, obviously.

Hello... looking to hang a 100lbs heavy bag in my basement (with regular wood-stud walls). I've researched various options and have gone down all sorts of engineering rabbit holes, including pull-out strengths of various sized lag bolts, horizontal load maximums of different kinds of wood, etc. I've perused various marketplaces for various types of mounting solutions and such. The problem with standard DIY wall mounting is that it doesn't come off the wall far enough.

I'm wondering though -- and it seems simple enough of a solution -- why the following wouldn't work:

An 8-foot span of 2x6, turned "vertically" so that the top and bottom faces are the 2" edge, affixed 45 degrees to the studs. ASCII art not-withstanding, it's just an isosceles triangle, where the 8-foot hypotenuse is the lumber, and the "height" of the triangle is 4-feet. It would seem 2 brackets (the kind used in making decks) on each end, screwed into the studs would be suitably strong.

The "Sagulator" (google it!) seems to think that such a setup would only experience a total 0.01in sag in the center of the span.

The heavy bag would just hang from this with a strap that loops over the beam.

An 8-foot span basically means I have a lot of clearance on either side.

I suppose I could just go right into the ceiling joists, but with my proposed setup I can slide the bag to one end or the other and create a bit more of a dynamic setup (albeit it looks a bit more unsightly).

Thoughts or suggestions? Or am I crazy?