If you have more than one passion, try and pick the one you are... Most passionate about!
If you can't, then go for it, explain why you have more than one.

• What is your passion? If it's something obscure tell us about it!
• How did you end up with that passion? What was the inspiration?
• How long has it been your passion?
• How do you practice or express it?
• Sell it to someone reading, why is your passion so great to you?

I just got the newer version of Firefox (v157.0) and I'm amazed at how snappy it is. It feels like Firefox does when you have 0 extensions, except that I have uBO and a few others.

It used to feel so sluggish, pages took 500ms or even 1 second to display anything after typing the address, but no more; they render almost instantly.

A very nice surprise indeed!

If you left Firefox because it was too slow, now's the time to ditch Chrom{e,ium} and reign Google's chokehold on standards and utter contempt for privacy in!

Ran some benchmarks on an X230 (i5 3rd gen):
FF 156
speedometer: 3.27
jetstream 3: 65.3
motionmark: 456.52 60fps +-7.50%

FF 157
speedometer: 7.16
jetstream 3: 68.49
motionmark 593.57 60fps +- 8.93%

The speedup is quite noticeable

First of all, I am not asking for advice about what to invest in.

TLDR: I just want to ask for advice about how to know what to invest into?

Background information and/or irrelevant rambling below:

I have minimal experience with stocks, having only invested €2500 into a pension account thanks to it being a gift from my father some years ago. Early this year I got taxed about €200 for unrealized gains of my stocks, mainly one of them (RHM.DE) and it takes up a little more than half of the value of the stocks I have. At that point in time when I got taxed it was up almost 100% compared to when I bought it almost two years ago. It has now fallen quite far again and as a result is up less than 10% and my gains are €180 so basically the massive gains (if I had sold at the right time) got cancelled from the taxes. Although to be fair I don't actually know if that's how the tax system works, but I do know I was unlucky to not just sell it off at that peak. But speaking of luck, I am still up like 60% overall thanks to another lucky stock which is up 150% (ENR.DE) compared to when I bought it.

Again, I have no sense for economics or financials or investing lol, genuinely just lucky??

The investing I did was based entirely on Merz changing the direction of German defense policy when he got elected where he said his government will heavily invest in defense. Rheinmetall being a German weapons manufacturer, it only made sense (and it paid off for a while) and the Siemens investment I made was just an afterthought in order to not have all my eggs in one basket. I also have other stocks that are up like 60% 75%, 90%, and then get this: a stock I didn't even buy (it was like a split-off of something else, and given to me automatically?) is up over 800% so I still have an overall value of €4000 from a starting point of about €2500 and €1500 gained in less than two years is, of course, and I cannot emphasize this enough, just purely luck lol

I might as well have gone to a casino.

Long story short and reason for posting I'm now wondering what to do with that RHM.DE stock. Because it doesn't seem good anymore and maybe the ~€2100 value is better spent somewhere else? But how do I know?

By orphans I’m including everyone who can’t spend Christmas with their family, whatever the reason. Maybe they live on another continent, maybe they’re insufferable, maybe you don’t know them, maybe all of the above and you don’t have kids, whatever. The end result is: you don’t have a family to spend Christmas with.

I’m in this situation. And I don’t know anyone well enough (newish city and country) to crash someone else’s family Christmas.

Wondering how people in that situation deal with it so that maybe I can find something that’d work for me to tide me over this challenging part of the year.

Additional context: SO is really into it, feels bad when we treat it as just another day, so I feel the pressure to figure something out.

I’m reading every answer you share but not necessarily answer unless I have a follow up question or something meaningful to add.

I walked out of the grocery store. It was pretty windy, and right outside the doors there was a bird flying. Except, because of the wind speed going against the bird, it wasn’t really moving at all. Instead it was just kind of floating in one spot. Imagine a bird flying on a wind treadmill, and you’ve got the right idea.

It was a tiny little thing, but I thought it was awesome. It kind of blows my mind that something like that is even possible, and seeing it up close was a delight. It brightened my day significantly.

Share a small but bright moment from your day.

I've had plenty of fun conversations with friends about this topic and figure all you Tilders would have some interesting ideas/thoughts.

• Are there any games that you've always wished for?
• Has there been a game that captured your imagination but fell short in one or more areas?
• Have you ever wanted to smash elements from two or more games together?

Don't let budgetary/IP constraints ruin your dreams here!

I've enjoyed reading the What game are you terrible at? topic, and it gave me the idea of making the question a bit more general.

Not "what are you bad at?" but what is something that's more difficult for you specifically. Like, I'm bad at a ton of different things, but that's because I don't put effort into them or never learned them or whatnot.

But there are certain things that I do that I find I have to put a lot more effort into to even be passable, while for other people it comes easy. That's the sort of thing I'm interested in hearing about.

• What's something that's tougher for you than it is for others?
• Why do you think that is?
• How does it impact you/others?

Most everyone will spend a significant portion of their life working in some way shape or form. Our jobs can cause us to learn new skills or see the world in a different light after gaining new experiences.

I was thinking about my own career and how it has caused changes in my own life, and it got me thinking how other Tilders might view their work and their life through that lens.

Have you noticed your career has changed you, and if there are any changes you can think of, do any of them surprise you?
Do you look at things differently after working a particular job?
How has your job impacted you?

I promised in another thread that I would share more about my first impressions about the Steam Frame soon, so here I am.

There's still not much I can say because, in my case, using glasses inside isn't an option. But whatever questions you have and couldn't find answers anywhere else, let me know and I can check for you (be it settings, small things no one thinks about, etc)

I'll be recycling a bit what I already said in the other comment (with a few corrections), but here goes my first impressions and some thoughts:

• I said in the other comment that the spacer for the glasses was disappointing, but that's actually not true. To be fair, they do their job. The glasses should be as close as possible to your face anyway, and you can't have too much space between your face and the lenses in the VR, so the spacer does give you a bit more space that should be enough for most/all people. I was able to confirm that both my new glasses and my old ones do not touch the lenses. That said, I still wouldn't play a VR game that needs me to move a lot, the risk of them coming loose and scratching the lenses isn't null.

• My problem with the glasses is different. My new glasses are too wide. They barely fit inside and put a lot of pressure on my face, I think it's the sides of the VR that push the glasses against my face.

• So yeah, if you use glasses, I highly recommend getting prescription lenses (this also applies to any VR headset, but still).

• I was able to run on the Frame: Ace Combat 7, Hades 2, Dragon Commander and Dispatch. All of them were playable (Ace Combat 7 was a pleasant surprise!). Dragon Commander technically ran well, but it didn't recognize the controllers.

• There's a tab for Steam Frame verified games, but you can download anything from your library. Cyberpunk 2077? Knock yourself out. Will it run well? Nope, but it does run.

• • Sidenote: the new proton for ARM processors make me hopeful that laptops with ARM processors could become a viable alternative to traditional ones (I mean besides macbooks)

• Speaking of controllers, they're MUCH better than Meta Quest 3's. The layout of a conventional controller means that they can be used as such. Furthermore, at any moment you can activate the "pointer", which turns the respective controller into a mouse (while the other remains a controller). Meaning if you have a game where sometimes you need a mouse, Steam Frame has you covered.

• I got the ergonomic kit because of the controller straps, but as for the headset itself, I'll be the contrarian against the rest of the internet and say that those extra pieces actually aren't necessary. Or at least, not as ABSOLUTELY necessary as people make it look like. The space between the headset and my nose is not sealed, true, but unless I get conscious about that "hole", I won't notice it. I also felt that the top strap isn't necessary, the headset feels firmly held against my head.

• • That said, let me admit a few things: I didn't play a VR game yet, so maybe "firmly held" could be a different story in that scenario. And for a 1k euro device, there's an argument to be made that these ergonomic accessories should've been included by default, which I wholeheartedly agree. The nose thing, might have to do with my head shape, might not, I don't know; I just felt that whenever I was looking at the "screen" inside, I didn't notice the "hole" down below.

• The battery is... Underwhelming. Be prepared to get a good powerbank if you plan to have mid-long sessions.

• I tried using the wireless adapter on my gaming desktop (running Fedora 44), and it looks like it worked! Pleasant surprise, as I was under the impression it didn't work on Linux yet.

• Streamed Red Dead Redemption 2 for a bit. Rockstar launcher popped up so I could validate my account.... Except this window didn't appear on the SF, only on my PC's monitor. On the SF, I wasn't able to change windows, I only got a black screen. Once I entered the game, I could hear the sounds of the intro playing but the screen was still black. After fiddling a bit inside the VR, I managed to make it show the game itself, then I was able to play it normally.

• • This is to say, "window management" inside a game is finicky. So games with their own launchers? Expect them be as annoying here as they are in general...
• • • Caveat: only tried one game in this condition (opening launchers/windows alongside the game), so it's possible it was just bad luck and not representative.

• (copy pasted from the other comment) the update process (that you're forced to do) was really slow - the download would top at 10mb/s, but on average it was on the kb/s.

• (copy pasted from the other comment) The environment is really polished - more than the Steam Deck it looks like. I like how from inside Steam "app" itself, I can open the desktop mode as if it was an application. I don't have bluetooth keyboards but I think it should be possible to use this as a normal PC, which is really cool.

• (copy pasted from the other comment) Just like the Steam Deck, you have control over almost everything. Hardware usage, screen framerates, etc.

Some basic comparisons against the Meta Quest 3:

• Unlike MQ 3, the SF works just fine in any kind of environment, even if it's pitch black. Side note: it's a bit mesmerizing checking out the LIDAR's and Face ID's lights from my iphone. This thing is unironically a really good device to spot hidden cameras.

• YMMV, but for me the lack of colors in the passthrough isn't a big deal. I spend most of the time "inside" the virtual world and barely used it on MQ3, only for when someone was calling for me - or my cats. But even then, 95% of the time I would just take the headset off if whatever was demanding my attention wasn't quick. Talking to people with it on your head is weird af (especially for the other person). What I'm trying to say is that there were never situations where I needed to see the world around me and it needed to be in colours; I would just take the headset off in those cases.

• • Caveat: 1k euros device, I get it. It's dumb that you still need to fork over another 100 euros just to get colours. And I guess it's not a good thing for AR games.

• The SF is a bit smaller, lighter, and it's more comfortable imo. The idea to move the battery to the back of the head was smart, I think long sessions with SF should be more comfortable.

• MQ 3 has hand gesture recognition while SF doesn't. But personally, I don't really care. On MQ 3 this feature is finicky, frustrating to use, it's annoying when I'm watching movies/videos, and more importantly, it makes me want to throw the headset against the wall (exaggeration for comedic effect). So for me it's not a huge loss.

• If you feel that after these impressions I'm biased against the MQ3, well.... You're not wrong, but I just realized that it feels like I'm defending SF too much and criticizing MQ3 too easily while writing this. I'm biased against it mainly for privacy reasons, but on a hardware level, MQ3 is a great headset in its own right. It's equivalent to SF and costs a lot less. If you don't care about privacy, you probably should go for it instead of the SF.

Feel free to ask me anything about the Steam Frame and if I can check it out for you, I will.

Probably a common feeling that many eventually "grow out of". So I guess the follow-up question is if that happened to you, what made you change? And if that didn't, how did you manage to hold on to the belief?

It can be something personal to your life, or something public/newsworthy.

Your change on it can be anything -- from negative to positive or vice versa, or simply a different perspective or understanding.

Tell us what it was, what changed, and, if possible, why you think that change came about.

My kids were asking me about my clothes and why I don't get new clothes. They are growing and get new clothes are they outgrow their old clothes. I was telling them I'm done growing and that my clothes still work so I only get a new piece of clothing every now and then, or when something I use breaks.

It got me thinking how old some of my clothes are getting, which is a perfect question for my fellow Tilders.

For me, the oldest t-shirt I have I still wear regularly is 17 years old from my high school American football team

I have a dress shirt and jacket my grandpa gave me that is ~30-40 years old. When he gave it to me he said he got it when Reagen was in office.
I kind of wish I had more of his clothes as he always made sure to dress presentable. Slacks and a button up at minimum, but I tried not to ask him for things as a lot of my family members would ask him for money and/or things and I didn't want to be like them. I mainly wanted to spend time with him and got the shirt because I mentioned needing to get a new dress shirt on the way back to university after be asked what my plans were. He took the shirt he was wearing off and then grabbed the jacket off the hook by the door before insisting I take them both since they looked good together.
Sadly a number of my family members got into my grandpa's house after he passed away before my Dad could change the locks and a lot of things went missing, including most of his wardrobe.

It could be a deliberate anonymous act, or simply a knock-on effect from something you did.

Whatever it is, the person didn’t know that you did something to help them, but you absolutely did.

The help can be small or big, serious or funny, meaningful or inconsequential.

Tell us all about it.

Let me know mods if I’m posting too much, if so I’m sorry!

Damn good read, devoured it over the course of two days in Quebec City last week and I’m just digesting it now.

Holy crow what a disambiguation of the word “mutiny” (apologies if I wrote that wrong).

I think David Grann manages to display the humanity in the central figures with clarity. Perhaps it’s due to some inference or poetic license in order to move the story along, but he make a good book and that cpt cheap was a dandy.

Every generation has their "I remember when I heard about _____" event. If you were old enough to know what was going on in the world in 2001, you probably remember finding out about the attacks. What were you doing? How did you find out? What do you remember from that day?

When do you decide you can no longer ethically work somewhere?
What would be your line?
Would your ability to do harm reduction or meaningfully change the situation make a difference in your decision?

Have you acted on these stances before?

Bureaucratic nonsense; a glaring inefficiency; “that’s just how we do things here”; etc.

Whatever it is, it’s absurd, but you’re also powerless to do anything about it and just have to live with it.

Tell us all about it.

Note: “workplace” can refer to career, school, home — wherever you do work in the face of absurdity

Before your time = you weren't old enough to otherwise follow the zeitgeist at the time the show was made. If you grew up watching reruns of The Honeymooners with your grandparents or something, that still counts.

Is it static, or does it change?

How does that feel to you?

How does it play out in your day-to-day life?

What thoughts do you have about rigidity/fluidity in general?

(As always, I'm using LGBT as an umbrella term here, so this question applies to anyone with minority gender, sexual, or romantic identities)

This is a tough question.

I'm not trying to make anyone feel bad or relive trauma, but I want to give people a space to talk about it and share their stories if they need to.

• Have you ever been outed by someone else/accident/circumstance?
• What happened?
• Who/what outed you?
• Why?
• How did it turn out?

Also, while some people will undoubtedly have serious answers to this, I also think there are some stories that are less grave and more lighthearted or positive. Those are fine to share too.

I'm not strictly talking about adherent vegan or vegetarian lifestyles, though those certainly do count towards this discussion.

I feel like there's an absolute plethora of good, different reasons to reduce animal based proteins. The big one for most people right now is obviously cost. Simple meals like meatloaf or stroganoff simply aren't worth it (to me) to make with beef when beef is $8/lb for 70/30. But lots of other reasons like the environment, animal welfare, and health consciousness exist.

As far as a lifestyle goes, it definitely feels like the winds have shifted considerably. While IRL here in the southeastern US you do still have those "I'll eat 1 steak for every vegan who cries about it" types, online, that type of talk is extremely cringe in most contexts and circles. Now I just feel like when people say they are vegan, there isn't an instant visceral reaction from everyone like there used to be. I recall not too long ago, everyone's favorite joke was "how do you know someone is vegan? Because they'll tell you!" when all that person did was decline a burger. In fact, quite the opposite seems to happen today. There's a lot of "good for you/I wish I could do that" type comments. Just seems like things are shifting culturally.

I'm not personally vegan or vegetarian, but I have drastically reduced my animal products. I make black bean burgers instead of regular burgers. I make my fried rice without any meat. I make a lot of curry that just happens to be vegan. I just bought groceries for the next 2 weeks and the total amount of animal products is 1 pound of ground pork, 1 pound of scallops, and 8oz of mozzarella cheese. That's it. Years ago I would eat animal products pretty much for every meal.

Is it just me? Or have most people reduced their consumption too? It's hard to tell because everything at the grocery store is "protein protein protein" and there's a lot of social media content of body builders eating a dozen eggs and 3 rotisserie chickens for dinner and that type of content, but I'm not sure how much of that actually exists in real life. Seems too expensive for the average person.

With the announcement of Tildes maintenance mode, it's finally official. Tildes has an expiration date. We don't know when it'll be, but we'll surely know when it's passed. I... I don't want to go. I love this place. I love the people on it.

I got here after Rexit, like many of my peers, because reddit was my home online. I participated in discussions. I spent so much time there. I met my husband. It was my little corner of the internet, because it had exactly what I wanted and nothing else.

All that's gone now. When Apollo shut down, I deleted my account out of protest. I regret that now. People pointed me here, to Tildes, and for a moment, just a moment I could smell the musty carpet of the first websites I was ever on. This was it. This was it. A tiny forum with just enough modern convenience to tolerate using it, full of people who were interesting, discussions that were respectful, little to no drama, and a minor legend of the former web at the top, generally content with ruling as a benevolent dictator.

I posted. I participated in discussions. I had such a grand time talking to people, Season One of the Minecraft server will forever be in my heart as the "golden days" of it all, if I had to look back. I check this place religiously. It's in my favourites bar. I still post. I still comment. I still like the people. It's small enough that I can go "hey, there they are!" when I see Creesch or Bauke or Tea. For the first time in a long time I could call a communal web space my... home. It's cheesy. I know.

And now I hear that it's supposed to end? That the experiment has run its course, that sooner or later, but probably sooner than I'd like, it'll all be gone? That I have to pack up all my shit again and find a new place, a new community? What a sick joke, I say, with metaphorical tears in my eyes, because getting mad is at least something. Getting mad is more than removing the stupid bookmark and forgetting about this place like I forgot about LiveJournal, about MySpace, about Blogger, about fucking Ello.

I don't want to go. And I know nobody's asking me to go. But everyone expects everyone else to go at some point. And even though none of you actually know me, truly know me, I still feel like we're familiar. We have tiny, tenuous, brittle relationships that could snap at any point, be it from hostility or apathy. I know that none of this is real, but god damn it, I liked it.

Now you'll say, oh god, Delphi, shut up, this is a forum, it's not that deep, and you're right, so damn right, I couldn't agree more, none of you should mean anything to me, I have friends, I have a life, I have people who love me out there, for real, I shouldn't care about this, but then tell me, why do I have tears in my eyes?

What's the point of this post? Catharsis? Maybe? I didn't expect to feel this way about a little corner of the internet that's sometimes a little snobbish, sometimes a little too high on its own farts, sometimes a little too elitist, but that's where I'm at.

I don't want to let this place go. But I also know that I won't be the last one here.

So if this is the last time I see some of you, I don't blame you. Just know you were part of my life, and that I quite liked that part.

—-

A little edit after crying it out: You’re all right. I hope that Tildes won’t change. I certainly won’t, I’ll stay here, and I hope we’ll have many more years together. This entire thing just dredged up memories of losing online spaces before, and… well, you can imagine the rest. Love y’all.

I have often wondered if I over prepare - if I have a tendency to carry too many things with me “just in case”. I aspire to minimalism, but I definitely fail to achieve it in practice. Indeed, it’s not rare for me to go on holiday and pack several items of clothes for situations which do not materialise, or simply to realise that I’ve been carrying some item in my backpack every day for several months while never using it.

Well, today I was very happy to have a random item in my backpack that had been sitting there unused for god-knows how long.

European Tilderinos are likely also looking forward to the imminent near-total solar eclipse. I‘ve been really looking forward to it, and my partner and I had made plans to rendezvous at a park in our city after to work view it. But as I go to leave work, I realise: (minor) disaster! I am an optically-impaired person (I need glasses), but since I did not put on my contact lenses this morning, I will have to wear my eclipse-goggles over my spectacles! What a fool I will appear to everyone else at the park!

…and then I remembered: I almost always make sure to have a spare pair of contact lenses in my most-used bags (I wear dailies, so it’s cheap to set a small handful of pairs aside for this purpose) such that if I have a contact lens emergency while I’m out, I can safely remove the problematic pair and replace them with a fresh pair. Of course I also usually carry around my glasses if I’m wearing my lenses, but this isn’t always practical, or it may be important for me to be able to resume wearing lenses (if I am to playing sports, for example).

Now you might wonder why this fact slipped my mind initially, that would be because I’ve been wearing contact lenses for well over a decade, and in the last five or so years I don’t think I’ve had a single incident. But I remain hopefully that a past version of myself may still have been practicing over-preparedness…

So, I go a-rummaging in my backpack and, lo and behold, I do indeed have a set of emergency contacts! Now I will be able to stare directly at the sun mildly more conveniently! Thanks, past me!

(Perhaps you can tell that this situation made my extremely happy, hence why I felt the need to share.)

Have a lovely solar eclipse day (to all who celebrate)!

Hi all! I'm starting a (very) small business in the near future, and I am looking for some advice (or just encouragement or reality checks, anything helps). For clarity, I'm in the US and want to make/sell products of my own design without screwing myself over through lack of planning.

Has anyone here ever tried to start a small business like this? Or interacted with the US patent system?

Any advice or anecdotes are welcome!

Japan is understandably a hot travel destination in general, but I've seen it come up here on Tildes several times, with many people sharing their stories. This is and isn't that.

I traveled to Japan (and Korea) over a year ago, and I've been rotating this post in my head nearly the whole time. If you want to skip my word vomit: tl:dr it was kind of mid, there are parts I would return for, but many that are very off-putting (especially as of this moment with Japan's politics).

I'm a millennial, and by most accounts, a weeb. I was first was exposed to anime/manga via Slayers, Sailor Moon, Tenchi Muyo and other early Anime that played occasionally on network television, around the late 1990s, which evolved as it did for most of us with Toonami, Adult Swim, and renting movies like Akira and Ghost in the Shell at Blockbuster. I've been regularly consuming Otaku culture essentially my entire life, and my wife was exactly the same as me, we both read Manga and watch Anime as a regular pass time. I was also completely aware that Otaku culture is generally looked down upon by genpop, probably moreso a decade or more ago till now, but I wasn't under the impression that Manga/Anime was how Japan actually was.This isn't to say we had some idealized view of Japan or Tokyo (where we spent our vacation), we've done a lot of domestic and international travel up to that point, so I believe we had realistic expectations going in of how our vacation would go. To be clear, it's not that those expectations weren't necessarily met, but there's some things that I started to realize I may have overlooked, tidbits of Japanese culture that you will get glimpses of in their media, and specifically, the types of media I related to, the series I found most interesting to me with characters that aligned with my own values, or something like that.

You will hear many testimonials of how great visiting Tokyo can be, and I want to caveat with the single complication that made things unreasonably difficult and why I would exercise caution if you are in the same position, but being perfectly frank, it was only one component: We traveled with myself, my wife, and our 2 year old daughter. To clarify, I do not have a difficult child, in fact by almost all metrics she's extremely well behaved and easy to travel with, if she wasn't I would never have considered a 14+hr flight, so take everything I say that I have a near saint of a toddler, she wasn't the problem at all.

Tokyo is not toddler friendly, Tokyo is toddler hostile, weird things you would overlook or not even think about as adult travelers will consistently cause problems. Tokyo is great for walkability if you are able bodied, it is a far cry from being ADA compliant as we're used to stateside, expect to carry a stroller as I did up stairs many, many times. Over our trip there, you notice things: not a single native Japanese takes a toddler outside, like at all, let's ignore birth rates for a moment, because kids were present, but not a single kid under 3 was anywhere to be seen. Not in restaurants, not at parks, not in malls. The possible sole exception is Odaiba, which is designed to be a family friendly area. This begins to cause friction almost everywhere else though. Kids menus are few and far between, rarely will you find high chairs, and frustratingly: many restaurants will not give you a to go box, that's just not a thing there, so expect to simply waste food or money if you order a main for a toddler (because there is no kids meal) etc. There is also nearly nothing catered to toddlers....basically anywhere, again this is pretty in line with our expectations, but when we went out of our way to find solutions, and they still didn't seem possible (or were inexplicably closed....they will actually CLOSE parks if there is a light drizzle) it begins to wear on you. Similarly shopping! One of the biggest draws of being in Tokyo, will be rather limited, both in things that would fit a 1-4yo and in physical dimensions of stores, which may or may not accommodate you pushing a stroller. The busy tourist areas are also quite challenging to navigate, and especially in places like Shibuya, a lot of the joint restaurant areas will have exceptionally small tables or standing room only, as will most Ramen or Tempura restaurants. "Family restaurant" is a category in Japan because taking a family elsewhere is difficult.

I can handle almost all of this, but it's coupled with, and again, I am a parent, I understand that children can be taxing, but there's a low level of animosity ever present almost anywhere you go, of course there's background radiation of, you're a tourist and not a local, but couple that with now you're being a difficult tourist, and you can start to tell people do not want you there. This isn't to say we didn't have good experiences, many native Japanese were very accommodating to us, helped us out, were happy to see a cute kid etc. I don't want to paint it as the experience was entirely negative, it wasn't, but it was SO MUCH WORSE than literally anywhere else I have traveled re: having a toddler or child with you, and it's not really conveyed because well, most people traveling to Tokyo do not have kids in tow (and I have heard that for example Osaka and other cities are better about this, so I don't want to paint a broad brush.) There were also plenty of tourists traveling with kids, and even when we didn't share a language, we exchanged knowing glances of how tired of the whole situation we were.

Also the food is seriously overrated, give me hate if you want, but the US has better food, especially LA/NYC. You can get better sushi, cheaper, in LA than Tokyo. It's the truth. The hamburg steak at Tsubame Kitchen in Shinogawa was an exception, that was delicious.

There's a manga I love: Moyashimon, it's about a college student who can see microbes (including the eponymous Yeast), that's entirely unimportant to what I want to talk about. The characters are extremely relatable, I believe I was also in university when I first read it, and many parts resonated with me, and I found the morals of the characters fairly normal. Almost all of these characters are outcasts or pariahs by Japanese standards. Conformity is still very much the norm in Japan, and especially the majority of Tokyo outside the kind of touristy (or counterculture) areas like Shibuya, Akihabara, Kabukicho etc. As we were heavily jetlagged, the majority of our days would start around 5am, the sea of salarymen is absolutely nuts. Thousands of workers in suits, every day, bright and early, and returning at rush hour. Moyashimon deals a lot with the difficulties the characters will face when they leave college and are forced to conform, they will have to be clean shaven, they must stop dying their hair, they must conform to the gender presentation they were assigned at birth. The story, and many other media in the same vein from similar authors, is critical of the culture of conformity. The current Japan, in current year, is still xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic. In relating to these media, whether it's moyashimon, or the works of Nagata Kabi, or even something like HoriMiya (which tragically kills almost all the social commentary of the original work in both the redraw manga as well as the anime), I was relating to being critical of Japan's culture, of being critical of those things.

I don't really know where else to go with this, sorry for the word vomit. I had thought that I knew what to expect when traveling to Japan, I did my research, I knew how to not be rude, not to be intrusive, how to generally be my version of a "good tourist", and it wasn't that my expectations were wrong, I simply found out I liked Tokyo less than I thought I would.

Some serious positives though: meeting my friends who live in Tokyo was great, and we absolutely had a blast, I'd have not had half as much fun if I didn't have people who lived there that knew the places to go and what to see. The climbing gyms and bouldering scene is WORLD CLASS. B pump Ogikubo is famous for a reason, and the national training center in Odaiba was also a highlight.

Maybe this will give some added balance, I'm not sure. This is just the experience I had, there were highlights and lowlights, but overall, I just did not jive with Tokyo in particular, and I would like other people to at least consider that they might not, too.

Moments in your travels that took place during layovers, while waiting for your flights, checking in your baggage, etc.

The stories can be funny, sad, unexpected, interesting, etc.

Tell us what happened and what made it so memorable.

Particularly interested if it has already impacted your life, or scrapped any plans or influenced where you decided to live.

Anybody else chose their current/ next home because of lower natural disasters risk or climate change resilience?

I have to travel internationally soon, and I’ve been making a list of things I simply cannot get here (by which I mean Brazil): right now it’s benadryl and maple syrup. Last time peanut butter was on the list, but it’s since become a gym-bro food and is much more accessible. But the thought occurred to me others must have their own lists.

So what’s something you can only buy when in another country that you make sure to pick up?

Businesspeople of Tildes, what do you do? I want to hear about people running and owning businesses, whether they have employees or are freelancers.

What do you do? Where are you based? How do you find your customers? Can you live 100% from your business? What do you like most about it? What would you do differently? What bothers you the most about it? How did you get the idea?

The fragrance survey thread inspired me to take a perfume journey this weekend. I sniffed myself dizzy and discovered a dozen candidate scents and one odd piece of website copy.

There is something almost admirable about the rank fiction that serves as Eight & Bob’s origin story.

The gentleman enthusiast who winces at the thought of profit tainting his art. A recipe lost for half a century, recovered. A source plant so reclusive it escapes scientific classification; so temperamental, yet so indispensable, that only seven percent of its already fitful, dithering harvest dictates the global supply of a perfume from which the producer apportions each nation’s allowance in a grand concession to the yearning noses of the world….

I am a little inured to the extrait de bull in branding, but this packed potpourri of horseshit projects like the drydown of a cabbage dinner. And it just keeps delivering. There’s JFK incognito! An ever-resourceful butler named Philippe! A car crash. Nazis.

The point, I think, is to congratulate the buyer discerning enough to look past brand stories. All such tales are a volley of gas for the connoisseur to ignore, they seem to be saying. It might have made for a fun comic book. As it is, Eight & Bob’s puffery is a little too on the nose.

My real-world impression: I would like my linen cabinet to smell like this—faintly, maybe. There is an initial citrus fizz over cream soda in a clean white shirt; a soft-palmed, dry handshake that keeps a steady grip longer than you would expect; and cool wood. I'm going back to try it again. This is a scent that convinces you, "You don't need to check my references." And maybe Mother Teresa can show up in the backstory sequel.

Found myself working a bit too hard lately, started to experience some stress from my pointless busywork white collar job. Remembered this time to wonder why am I stressed about something that doesn't matter?

Perfect timing, my boss decided today to let me know that he won't be approving any more vacation for the rest of the year because even though we have unlimited, apparently the limit is 20 days.

We've got a deadline coming up and honestly I'm just gonna take a break for the rest of the week. I need it, I deserve it, I've been busting my ass for no reason cause the end result is the same and no one uses our product, a year from now it probably won't even exist any more, and five years from now I'll have to go back to school and retrain to do some other job.

I was really doing fine until today. I make great money, I work from home, I actually get vacation, I know I can just take a sick day with no planning and that's fine, it's just so fucking stupid that they WANT me to take an unplanned day off or quiet quit for a few days when I need it instead of just allowing me to plan some fucking vacation.

Edit - this blew up, I don't mean to be all doomer. I'm just upset. There's beauty to life outside of my work situation.

I had an overnight in Last Vegas for work, and got to spend about 4 hours at the Meow Wolf Omega Mart installation.

It was truly one of the most amazing things I have ever seen -- awe inspiring in scope, vision, and execution.

It's an interactive art installation, but, interactive turned up to 11. If you've ever played a video game where there are bits of stray paper scattered around, and reading them progressively discloses the story, this is like that, it in real life. You start wandering through it, and you realize that, while it is trippy as hell, there is a narrative connecting it all. Another thing that amazed me is the depth of the material. Dozens of pages to read, hours of video to watch. Tasks to complete. Puzzles to solve. Circling back as I realized it was all connected.

The first part of it is an other-worldly grocery store. Equal parts bizarre and hilarious. If you've played the game Control, I think the grocery store so i'd be at home in the FBC. Then you get into the factory where things are made, then the interdimensional portals, the aliens, and the lore.

Here are some pictures I took that don't even scratch the surface of what it is, but maybe set the tone. There are also some commercials on youtube.

Anyway, if you ever get a chance to go, I highly recommend it. But give yourself a whole day if you're a completionist. And pay the three dollars for the boop card.

And what do you write about?

Currently, my personal website is under my real name. I'm asking this question because I'm about to rebuild it (as is tradition), which gave me some energy to write about a recent personal event, and I'm realizing that I'm not comfortable with writing this under my real name. So I'm here, wondering what to do with my personal thoughts that I want to share, but not too loudly.

If you own a personal website or blog, what do you do? Do you use a pseudonym for everything? Are you ok with publishing personal stuff under your real name? Do you have two blogs to separate things?

Is anyone else in a part of the US where there are a ton more fireworks this summer than ever before? It can't be just my neighborhood. Literally every night since the beginning of June, someone is setting fire to their (presumably inversely proportional, that is to say, increasingly diminishing) disposable income. The prices of everything are higher than ever—gas, food, housing, everything—and yet. What is going on out there??

Something that generally works for most people, but you were an exception.

Something you were expecting to help, but it didn’t.

Something that promised a lot but failed to deliver.

Something that fell through.

Something you couldn’t get used to.

Could be an item, a piece of advice, a plan, a path, a relationship, etc.

Whatever it was, it didn’t work and that was significant.

What was it? Why do you think it didn’t work? How do you feel about it?

Title doesn't refer to a literal "itch" (though it certainly can!).

Instead, it's something that's bothered you for a while, or that you've been passively curious about, or that you've been meaning to get to, etc.

What was the itch, and how did you scratch it? How do you feel about it now?

Hi tilderinos! We all love a good relationship drama thread, so I wanted to add my own. I'm posting from my main account because all this dirty laundry is already open and out between both my partner and all my friends and family. Thank you for any advice or support you can offer <3

The current problem

My partner and I are going through a very difficult point in our relationship, and I would really appreciate some outside perspectives.

The short version is: my partner of nearly four years recently told me that our relationship has always felt suffocating to her. She said she has tried to look for positives from the last few years and cannot find any. At the same time, she cried heavily while saying this, has booked herself into therapy, and says she does want a partner eventually. She just does not know whether that partner is me, or whether she can be in this relationship as it currently exists.

I love her deeply, but I also feel ignored, pushed away, and emotionally starved. I am trying to decide whether I should stay and give her space, leave, or take a formal break by moving out for a few months.

Background / how we got here

For context, I have had three serious long-term relationships before this one, and I think I have become much more emotionally mature through them, though I’m sure I still have plenty to learn. This is my partner’s first serious relationship. She has not dated much before, and in my opinion, she has also not had many deep, emotionally close friendships. She is also strongly suspected to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, though she has never been officially diagnosed.

We met online and were extremely into each other. When we met in person, the chemistry was great, and afterwards we missed each other constantly. After almost a year, I started asking how we could make the relationship work long-term. She said it felt like a big jump, but we talked about it a lot and she eventually seemed fine with the idea.

Not long after, I moved in with her, which also meant moving country. To her credit, she was extremely helpful and considerate during that process.

Just before I moved in, she broke her leg badly and spent over a week in hospital. I helped as much as I could, but it was a very stressful start. I was moving country, taking on more chores, and trying to care for her at the same time. I did it because I love her, and I knew she would physically recover eventually.

What we did not expect was how much the recovery would affect her mentally. She became quite depressed, which is understandable, and it really took the wind out of the first year and a half of us living together. She had very little energy for me or the relationship, and intimacy was limited. I was not getting my needs met either, but we talked a lot and I felt like I understood what she was going through.

Around a year ago, things started to improve. Her mood was better more often, she seemed more present, and when we were intimate, she seemed to put in more effort. I was still the one initiating anything physical, which bothered me, but I hoped that would improve over time. Dates, time together, and our general friendship also seemed to be getting better. I felt like she was slowly trusting me more and letting me in.

Our living situation probably has not helped. I work from home all day, every day, in a room next to the living room. It is a very public space, and I think neither of us has really felt alone. Sometimes I would also play video games after work in that same area, which meant I was still in her space.

Her emotional difficulties

One of the hardest parts is that my partner has extreme difficulty understanding her own emotions. She talks openly about this. She often says she bottles everything up and does not really understand what she feels or why. She has also said she used to feel a lot more when she was younger, but at some point her difficult relationship with her parents caused her to start repressing things.

She often cannot answer direct questions about what she wants. Most of the time, her answer is “I don’t know.”

Sometimes, if we sit down and talk through it slowly, I can help her get to a clearer answer. But it takes a long time, and it is obviously hard work for her. I am also worried that this dynamic can become almost like therapy, where I am trying to guide her into understanding herself. I do not think that is healthy for either of us.

Another thing that scares me is that she seems unable to hold onto positive emotional experiences. We have had romantic dates and close moments where I know she felt something. I could see love, warmth, energy, and joy in her. But if I ask her about those moments a day, week, or month later, it is like the feeling is gone. She will just say, “It was fine.”

That makes the situation very confusing. When she lets her guard down, the relationship can feel genuinely loving and connected. That is part of why I am struggling to walk away. But she often makes an effort to avoid these moments.

I also have a strong suspicion that I might be the first supportive relationship with anyone she's had in her life before. Her family and her close friends (the same friends all the way from high school) do not offer any kind of emotional support or affection. They are the kind of people who don't say "well done!" but "...You could have done this better." There's been lots of instances during the relationship where she's reacted with confusion or surprise at what I would consider basic levels of kindness and support. 

The recent breaking point

This past winter, her mood dropped again. She became increasingly cold and shut me out. We went a long time with no physical contact, not even cuddling. She did not seem interested in anything I had to say, whether it was important or not, and she had very little to share with me either.

After a few weeks, I sat her down and asked what was going on.

That is when she told me the relationship was too much for her, and that it always had been. She said it felt suffocating and that she did not know how to “come up for air.” She said she had tried to find positive things in the relationship but could not find any, not even one, from the last three years.

At the same time, she was looking me in the eyes and crying extremely hard. We talked for hours, and I think she got a lot of catharsis from finally saying it.

After that conversation, she immediately booked herself into therapy because she said she needed someone to help her understand herself. I think that is a good step. But it also feels very much like an “I need help now” decision, rather than her having any clear long-term idea of what she wants.

She has admitted, through tears, that she thinks she would be lonely and unhappy alone. She does want a partner. She just does not know if that partner is me, or if she can be with me in the version of the relationship we have had so far. Honestly, I agree that the relationship as it has been is not sustainable.

What has changed since

Since that conversation, we have drifted apart. I am sad about it and I miss my girlfriend, but right now it feels like we are two separate people living in the same building.

The first practical thing I did was move my office outside the house, because I thought that would give us both more breathing room. I think that was a good step, but it has not fixed the deeper issue.

She has also become completely glued to her phone in a way I have never seen before. She still uses her usual apps, but she also downloaded a random stranger-chat app, similar to Omegle, where she talks to people about their lives. She seems fascinated by it, almost like it is a real-life sitcom.

I was obviously concerned by that. I challenged her on whether it was appropriate to be using an app like that while our relationship was in such a bad place, especially when those apps can easily become sexual. She said she deletes anyone who gets sexual and that she just wants to talk to people, but does not know how to do that any other way.

She offered me her phone, and from what I saw, the conversations were shallow and non-sexual. I do not think she is cheating on me. What it looks like to me is that she is seeking low-pressure connection with strangers while avoiding the pressure and emotional weight of our actual relationship.

She does not seem able to tell me what she wants from me or the relationship. When I ask whether she wants to stay together, move apart, take a break, reduce contact, stop physical affection completely, or work on things, the answer is usually “I don’t know.”

For my part, I want to support her, but she is not really accepting support from me. In fact, I think my care may sometimes make her feel more pressured, upset, or resentful. I have stopped being romantic and I am not initiating physical touch. I am trying to give her as much space as possible. But even small thoughtful gestures, like making her a cup of tea, can be met with coldness or irritation. I understand why she might feel overwhelmed, but it still hurts.

What I am considering

The practical side is not a major barrier. I have a good financial buffer, my job is secure and remote, and I could rent an apartment or potentially move in with someone we know. I have options, and moving out would be reasonably low-risk for me.

So I think my options are:

1. Stay, give her space, and support her when she asks for it.

   This might give therapy a chance to help. But it could also leave me waiting indefinitely for someone who may never be ready, or who may eventually decide I am not her person.

2. Leave.

   This would hurt both of us, and she would lose a major source of support. But it might also be the cleanest option if she genuinely cannot be in the relationship and I am only prolonging the pain.

3. Take a formal break by moving out for a few months.

   This feels like a possible middle ground. It would give her space to understand herself without the daily pressure of living with me, and it would give me some emotional distance too. The idea would be to check in after a set period and keep only light contact in the meantime.

What I need advice on

What would you do in my position?

More specifically:

• How much space is reasonable to give someone who says the relationship feels suffocating but cannot say whether they want to leave?
• At what point does being patient and supportive become abandoning my own needs?
• Is it appropriate to push her, even gently, when I feel like I know how to help?
• Is there a better option I am not seeing?

I love her, and when things are good between us, the connection feels rare and real. But those moments are not happening enough, and I am struggling with how cold and uncertain things have become.