Every time I find myself in an ADHD related thread on the internets, I feel like I'm seeing my personal struggles being described by others (Anxiety, Depression, executive function issues... the list goes on).

My intermittent attempts to seek out a diagnosis (or rule it out) end quickly with all the utter shite noise in the search results (literally everyone is selling something).

I'm hoping some of you who've been down this road can shed some light. Should I just schedule and appointment with my GP and start a conversation or???

Thanks (hope I got this in the right sub-tilde)

Last night I posted a video that came across my YouTube feed. I had never seen this particular creator before, but I found the video entertaining and thought provoking in isolation. I hadn't seen any videos like this anywhere else on Tildes, so I decided to post a new Topic. I wasn't sure how to word the description. I knew I wanted to hear other points of view, so I hinted at wanting a discussion and didn't really get into my own thoughts.

I hit submit and went to bed, thinking that in the morning I might be able to clarify my thoughts, and add to the discussion without dominating it.

But I woke up to a mess! A mess that I made. The post had been locked and deleted. Apparently this particular YouTuber is very controversial, and posting without any context turned out to be problematic. I was hoping for discussion and boy howdy did I get discussion.

But since I never really voiced my original intent for posting, it all left me feeling like I had spilled some milk and then someone else had cleaned it up for me. The problem is that I never got to apologize for spilling the milk, and never got to thank the people who cleaned up for me while I was sleeping.

So I suppose this is sort of a meta post. Has anyone else here had something locked/deleted before being able to "make it right"? Should I have provided more context up front? Vetted the creator better by researching their other videos or other online activity? Am I doing the wrong thing by talking about it post-mortem? I definitely don't want to make things any worse, and super duper do not want to be kicked from Tildes! I really enjoy interacting with people here, and want to make sure I'm adding rather than taking away.

Also, I just want to say that I'm sorry if this reignites any problems related to the original (now deleted) Topic, and I will happily accept if this Topic also needs to be removed. Please excuse my mess. :)

Enshittificiation, or in my own words, "how everything starts to suck on purpose", has somewhat come to rule my life, and thus, ruin my life.

An example I'm thinking about right now is socks. I bought a certain pair of socks probably ten years ago now. I liked them and took for granted that I would be able to purchase this sock or type of sock at any given time. Fast-forward ten years, and the sock is gone. And it feels like no other sock compares.

What's really going on in my mind is, "I know there is better out there, and this is just a choice of the manufacturer to be greedy". Except in this circumstance, the "there" is my fantasy land of the past.

So I ask you all, how do you move on from this? Because what happens for me is I just don't buy new socks, and instead hold on to my tatters (most of them still work decently, but nowhere near as well as they used to). I have tried randomly buying socks to get over my fear of failure (choosing the wrong socks and wasting money and contributing to global waste and contributing to materialism and general clutter in my house, etc.); But this just furthers the issue because I confirm that the other socks are shit and this seems like a fruitless endeavor, as such, in addition to going against my morals and values I listed above.

Thank you for any advice or help!

*EDIT
Thank you all for a rousing discussion, as usual.

Here are some of my Major Takeaways:

I was just looking at a job posting. It's fully remote, good pay, and almost a perfect match to my skill set. It's got a somewhat humanitarian aspect to its mission even if there are also profit motive aspects.

I looked at glass door, and the overwhelming majority of the reviews are, "it's not a bad place to work, but it doesn't have good work life balance." Or "expect startup culture hours".

If you want to see the job posting, DM me and I'm happy to share, but I don't want to publish a public link when I might apply for it.

My question for Tildes is, what experience do you have just saying no to overtime / forcing management to prioritize by just telling them you can't do everything / etc? Is this workable if your work is good and you make an effective contribution in a 40-50 hour week? What are your success or failure stories? Strategies you used for vetting the team / manager? Other things I should be thinking about?

Thanks as usual for any thoughts.

There are currently four computers in my household: a Windows 10 desktop, a Windows 11 laptop, and two additional Linux laptops (those are "mine"). One is a very weak but new machine, basically the cheapest laptop I could buy that was neither Android nor literally a toy. It is running Lubuntu 24.04, and is used largely for writing and light browsing. The other is an older machine running MX Linux. Right now it's single purpose is running my Plex server. Given that setup, transferring files between machines is often a necessity.

Both my desktop computer and my Plex server are connected via Ethernet directly to the router. The other two laptops are connected largely via WIFI, although I do connect my writing laptop via an USB/Ethernet adapter for updates/upgrades and larger downloads when necessary.

Among other things, I often download movies on my Windows 10 desktop computer and then manually transfer them in batches to my Plex external hard-drive, and then to my Plex laptop (when it has enough space, otherwise I just keep the movies on the hard-drive). That is because it is way more convenient for me to (re)search what I wish to wwatch, find and download it to my desktop than it would be the case for my Plex laptop. The laptop is not only in a position that makes it uncomfortable to use but is also very slow even for basic things such as firing up Firefox. I also prefer to do the scraping using MediaElch and while it is a fairly heavy (probably Electron) application, my desktop is powerful enought that it doesn't make any diference. I also use Subsync sometimes, which is, as far a I know, only available as a GUI application on Windows.

Most content I find online is very practical, teaching me how to follow concrete steps to make things work, but I haven't found much advice on which programs or tech "stack" would be adequate for a specific situation such as my own. I just want a robust way to seamlessly transfer file between all the machines on my home without having to plug and unplug hard-disks and flash drives.

Any suggestion? Thanks!

Hello good and clever people of Tildes, I need some advice.

With electricity the price it is, and my wife having a sizable workshop in the garden, I'm looking for ways to bring down the heating cost.

Her workshop is 5m x 4m x 2.2m, and the wood is 44cm thick. It's a chunky beast. She makes gifts and personalised items, so when she has the heatpresses and mug/tumbler press on the go, it gets toasty. If the sun comes out, also toasty. However, over night, it gets super chilled, almost to whatever temp is outside. To combat this I decided to use a Govee Electric Space Heater, 1500W with Thermostat, WiFi & Bluetooth. However, this barely does anything and the electric usage flies up.

What are good options here? The office is about 10 metres from my house. It's too far to extend the home central heating via plumbing, plus too much lagging. I don't want to spend a fortune, so any sensible options I'm willing to entertain. If we're talking a couple of thousand, it's off the menu.

Thanks for any help.

Dropping an edit with a link to the actual cabin: https://www.tigersheds.com/product/the-gamma-44mm-log-cabin/

It's not like a USA style log cabin, that's for sure!

Edit 2: Okay - wall insulation looks like the next thing to tackle before even thinking about heating it. Thanks folks.

Hey friends,

I struggled hard to find a simple to-do list that would work the way I needed it to. Even the paid options weren't quite helpful for me. Eventually I just gave up and made my own.

I use it at work and at home every single day. I also made a backup copy to handle an individual project I'm working on.

Anyway, it's free. I just wanted to share it with you guys.

Small side notes

• To start using this, just copy it. It'll open in a read-only mode but you can quite easily pull it over to your own Google Drive.

• I threw in a donation link on the Sheet. Delete it or ignore it. It's 100% optional and I figured I'd put it there in case this ended up becoming someone's daily driver and they want to say thanks.

• You can somewhat easily make this sheet work with Google appsheet to use it on mobile as an app. That's what I do for mine so that I can use it on my phone and on desktop throughout the day. Just open appsheet from this sheet and start customizing your app. As long as you're using it for just yourself, you don't have to deploy it or anything. You just download the appsheet app on mobile and access it that way. You can even name it and choose a custom icon. The one caveat is that you'll have to create a time trigger in scripts to make it auto sort. If anyone is dying to do this, I'll post more specific details to help you through it.

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1sIp4uPq3xwgudNA9tIOGmNXzETtyG421WbmvJPWgbsI/edit?usp=drivesdk

Hi Tildes!

My Leopold FC900R mechanical keyboard had a sudden thirst for a full cup of joe, which rendered the keyboard mostly unusable, even after drying for days.

This has been my favourite keyboard of all time, it looks and types the same as the day I got it, and I'm actually quite miffed it broke!

So Tildes, could you help me out? What would be a good replacement?

For people that do not know Leopolds lineup specifically, they're pretty much no frills high end mechanical keyboard. The only similar keyboard I've found so far is the Leopold FC900RBTS, but it's quite expensive and the colours it comes in aren't entirely my taste. Although I'm not opposed to putting down that kind of money, I'm wondering if there's no alternative available that matches my requirements at a slightly lower pricepoint.

So here's what I'm looking for:

• Double Shot PBT Keycaps, that's a must have.
• Fullsize keyboard. I still use my numpad!
• Wired connection. The Leopold FC900RBTS has both wired and wireless, that's fine too, but at it's core it must be wired.
• Relatively small sized frame, the frame on the Leopold is quite economically built. It's keys on a board and that makes it rather small even at full size.
• I think the FC900R came with MX Cherry Browns by default. I liked Browns but I'm not married to them.
• Cost can be anywhere between $50 and $150, but I prefer paying more if the quality matches the price.
• Colour scheme shouldn't be too shouty, but doesn't need to be full black/white either. This is what my keyboard looked like. I like that type of distinct but not loud colour scheme.
• Usecase is both typing and gaming, not heavy office work, but a decent amount of Tildes comment writing.

I was debating putting it into ~tech or ~gaming, but I suppose it's too allround for gaming. Although if it needs to move I'd love to hear it.

If someone has a suggestion, please let me know!
Thank you everyone!

Okay, so this is getting really long, I'll put the ask up front: I have a strategy, I think it is reasonable. Now is a point where I can easily change things, and it won't be so easily later. So I'm looking to see if anyone has trod this road before and can recommend any of:

1. a different build system that will be easier to manage for this use case
2. a different strategy for using cmake that will be easier to manage
3. any gotchas I should be aware of, even if you don't have better solutions.

Background

I have a project I'm working on where the ultimate deliverable will be a hardware device with 3-4 different microcontrollers coordinating with each other and interacting with a PC-ish platform. This is a clean rewrite of a C++ codebase. Due to the microcontroller (and some of the PC APIs) being C++, the language of choice for most of it is likely to remain C/C++.

I'm succeeded in setting up a build system for embedded code. The old code was arduino, so it relies a lot on those libraries, but I've managed to set up enough custom cmake to get off of the ardunio tools altogether, even if I am borrowing their libraries and some of the "smarts" built into the system about setting build flags, etc. So far, I have a dockerized toolchain (cmake + make + gcc-arm-none-eabi) that can successfully build ARM binaries for the target platform.

The thing that I'm up against now is that I'd like to have a robust off-target unit testing infrastructure. My ideal case is that everything in the embedded system will be broken down into libraries that have clear interfaces, then to use unit tests with mocks to get high coverage of test cases. I'll still need some HIL tests, but because those are harder to set up and run, I want to use those for integration and validation.

In terms of OSes available, we're mostly working on Windows systems using WSL for linux. I'd like things to be as linux-based as possible to support CI on github, etc.

Goals and Cmake limitations

I started out using cmake because I hate it least of the tools I've used, and I am at least pretty far up the learning curve with it. But a limitation I'm hitting is that you can't do a mixed compile with two different toolchains in one build. The reasons why cmake has this limitation seem reasonable to me, even if it is annoying. You can easily change the toolchain that your code is built with, but that seems to be largely targeted at cross-compiling the same binaries for different systems. What I want to do is:

• build my code libraries with embedded settings for linking to the embedded binaries and build those embedded binaries (the end product)
• build my code libraries with linux-ish tools and link them against unit tests to have a nice CI test process
• (eventually) also be able to build windows binaries for the PC components -- when I get to that point, I'd like to get away from the MSVC compilers, but will use them if I have to

Current strategy

My current plan is to configure a library build like this (pseudocode):

add_library(mylib sources)
if (BUILD_TYPE STREQUAL BUILD_TYPE_EMBEDDED)
<embedded config>
elseif (BUILD_TYPE STREQUAL BUILD_TYPE_LINUX)
<linux config, if any>
endif()

#unit tests are built for each library
if (BUILD_TYPE STREQUAL BUILD_TYPE_LINUX)
add_executable(mylib_test sources test_sources)
target_link_libraries(mylib gtest etc.)
endif()

For the rollup binaries, I make the whole target conditional

if (BUILD_TYPE STREQUAL BUILD_TYPE_EMBEDDED)
add_executable(myembedap sources)
target_link_libraries(mylib)
endif()

Then the build script (outside cmake) is something like

cd build/embedded
cmake <path to src> <set embedded toolchain> -DBUILD_TYPE=embedded
make
cd ../../build/linux
cmake <path to src> -DBUILD_TYPE=linux
make

Things I like about this strategy:

• It's relatively simple to do all the builds or just one of the builds (that control would go in the shell script)
• I have one source tree for the whole build
• It lets configuration be near code
• It lets tests be near code.
• I think it's extensible to cover the PC component builds in the future

Things that worry me:

• It feels like a hack
• Support for off-target tests feels like it should be solved problem and I'm worried I'm missing something

Thanks for reading. If you made it this far, you have my gratitude. Here's a video with funny out of office messages that I enjoyed.

Hi folks--

To those more knowledgeable than I am:

What would be the best local solution to extract numerical data from a batch of PDF file reports? The values I want are interspersed among word processor formatted tables and irrelevant text. The text and table formatting are (nearly) identical across reports. The data I want vary across reports. The PDFs are not of images...I can select and copy text without OCR. I have thousands to process, and the data themselves are confidential (I have clearance) and cannot be shared. I can use Windows or Linux but no MacOS.

I am technically inclined, so I bashed my head against regular expressions just enough to use notepad++ to find and delete most of the irrelevant stuff and make a CSV, but it's a hacky, imprecise method and not nearly automated enough for batches. For reference, I don't code for a living or even as a hobby, but I use R and bash, am familiar with IDEs, and can follow pseudocode well enough to edit and use scripts.

Any thoughts? Thanks in advance!

Solution

I added 20.43.161.105 duckduckgo.com to my hosts file and everything is working fine now.
I also changed DNS servers away from my ISPs, thanks to all the recommendations in this thread.

cat /etc/resolve.conf
nameserver 1.1.1.1
nameserver 1.0.0.1

That seems to be working

> nslookup duckduckgo.com
Server:		1.1.1.1
Address:	1.1.1.1#53

Non-authoritative answer:
Name:	duckduckgo.com
Address: 202.39.62.156
Name:	duckduckgo.com
Address: 2001:b000:1a0:3505:202:39:62:15d

except (note that non-autoratative IP address which belongs to my ISP) ...

> ping -4 duckduckgo.com 
PING duckduckgo.com (202.39.62.156) 56(84) bytes of data.

My ISPs address again. More...

traceroute to duckduckgo.com (202.39.62.156), 30 hops max, 60 byte packets
 1  * * *
 2  * * *
 3  * * *
...
30 * * * *

Why do ping and traceroute not use the new DNS server's I've configured (after re-booting too_)
The only thing to work is to add

20.43.161.105 duckduckgo.com

to my hosts file and now everything seems to be working as expected, though I have doubts now that changing the DNS configuration has done any good.

I know ISPs cache things like youtube to reduce costs so I'm wondering if 202.39.62.156 handled caching of duckduckgo, and they pointed their nameservers there and that box is broken.

Thanks for everyone's input and patience (lol are you still reading???)

Original Question

I've used Duck Duck Go as my main search engine for many, many years.
I have several search engines installed in Firefox including 2 for duck duck go. One for the /lite version and one for the full version.

[See update at bottom]

In recent days neither of these work. I would type my query into the search engine, press enter as I have done for years.

All I see is a blank page.

The latest development is that when I try and enter ANY search to either of those engines I get a GOOGLE 404 not found page.

    
    traceroute duckduckgo.com                                                                                                             ─╯
    traceroute to duckduckgo.com (216.239.38.120), 30 hops max, 60 byte packets
     1  * * *
     2  * * *
     3  The usual internal routing of my ISP
     4  ""          ""            ""
     5  ""          ""            ""
     6  ""          ""            ""
     7  ""          ""            ""
     8  * * *
     9  any-in-2678.1e100.net (216.239.38.120)  4.089 ms  4.077 ms  4.181 ms
    
    ping duckduckgo.com                                                                                                                   ─╯
    PING duckduckgo.com (2001:4860:4802:32::78) 56 data bytes
    64 bytes from any-in-2001-4860-4802-32--78.1e100.net (2001:4860:4802:32::78): icmp_seq=1 ttl=117 time=10.1 ms
    64 bytes from any-in-2001-4860-4802-32--78.1e100.net (2001:4860:4802:32::78): icmp_seq=2 ttl=117 time=8.52 ms
    64 bytes from any-in-2001-4860-4802-32--78.1e100.net (2001:4860:4802:32::78): icmp_seq=3 ttl=117 time=6.87 ms
    64 bytes from any-in-2001-4860-4802-32--78.1e100.net (2001:4860:4802:32::78): icmp_seq=4 ttl=117 time=8.83 ms
    
    --- duckduckgo.com ping statistics ---
    4 packets transmitted, 4 received, 0% packet loss, time 3005ms
    rtt min/avg/max/mdev = 6.873/8.584/10.118/1.155 ms

cat /etc/resolv.conf
> MY ISPs name servers
> MY ISPs name servers

Sure enough I cannot find any pages on the site 2001-4860-4802-32--78.1e100.net which is obviously belongs to google.

This is very very strange.

Could someone verify if they can use DDG or whether they see the same as me?
Does anyone have any idea what's happening?

UPDATE
I can connect to and use DuckDuckGo using a browser VPN. This appears to be a mess made by my ISP.
I'd still like suggestion to overcome the problem though.

I stopped blogging several years ago. Over the last few years, I've been writing plenty of private essays. However, very recently I have been considering starting to publish my writing and, well, start blogging again publicly. I have no desire to waste time on templates, look-and-feel, visual stuff, etc. I just want to write a bog-standard html file, and then publish it...I do value leveraging html elements that help with meta data (e.g. microformats, etc.), but don't care about how things look - and these elements that i value are all invisible to most users anyway. I would be fine with just crafting html by hand, deploying it via sftp or some boring deployment pipleine, and that's it. But, then, I started thinking: what about having an RSS/Atom feed? I used to consume content via an rss reader, but have not done so in years. But, I don't want to manually craft that feed file; nope, sorry. But, I've heard a comment or two from acquaintances that rss/atom feeds and syndication are really something that people - like my potential audience - might really desire. So, I should really consider having one. This means that either I have to craft several things manually (from the blog post itself, the list of archived posts, the feed file, etc.), or use a static site generator that will handle all this for me, etc. I don't want to get trapped down a rabbit hole where I am spending so much on the tooling, the scaffolding, twiddling with templates, or the publish process itself. I just want the minimal for writing and publishing, I want it to live on my domain name, and that's it. Am I crazy or extremely lazy for not wanting to generate an RSS/Atom feed file?

So, here's my ask of you all nice people: are feeds like RSS/Atom feeds even worth it? If so, does anyone have recommendations for a manual process where i can craft the blog post's html by hand, but somehow leverage a portion of a static site generator (or some minimal tool) to only automate the creation of the RSS/Atom feed file? Thanks in advfance for any constructive feedback!

P.S. - One thing that re-ignited my desire both to write more in public, and keep it alive with minimal fuss was my re-reading of Jeff Huang's excellent "This Page is Designed to Last" post: https://jeffhuang.com/designed_to_last/

Can you even call it microtransactions anymore?

Here's the link to the store page.

I have never bought a cosmetic in any game, ever, but this is absolutely insane to me, especially for World of Warcraft which usually had somewhat measured pricing on their real-money cosmetics (everything has always been below €25 to my knowledge) - that it's fully cosmetic is debatable though, seeing as you now have an auction house and mailbox wherever you are. Not all that game changing to be sure, but it's definitely a small advantage over those that are not rich in money or in-game currency.

There is an argument to be made that it's a way to influence the economy in the game - another gold-sink to reduce the huge wealth gap between players (it will cost nearly two million gold to reach the Battle.net balance required). However, two million gold is not that much.

I'm not quite dusting off my pitchfork over it, mind you, but still. And I just wanted to share to maybe foster some quality discussion on tildes about microtransactions maybe?

Thanks for the tags @mycketforvirrad, didn't really know what to put.

I'm in the market for an OEM part that usually comes with the "premium" trim of my vehicle. Rather than pay the $2000+ listed on the official parts website, eBay gave me several junkyard/recycler types that list the part for $200-$400. Each of these listing make promises about 60-day returns, warranty, etc.

However, I attempted a buy-it-now (with a CC, not through PayPal), and the sale was cancelled within an hour claiming that the part didn't pass their QA. I made the purchase at 9pm, and I wouldn't expect that quick of a turn. I did send a note thanking the account for not sending something that didn't meet their standards.

Then, it happened again almost exactly the same way, save for a 3pm purchase time and a 45-minute refund turnaround. This is raising a bunch of red flags for me. Am I just having bad luck, being paranoid, or is someone trying to maybe steal credit card info?

I'm thinking that calling local junkyards and just asking if they have the year/model of vehicle I'm looking for and potentially the part. Will take any advice, though.

I might have to have two running laptops for work.

Desk space is at a premium. Right now I have my work laptop stacked on top of my personal PC on my desk ( tower, on its side, on a stand ).

Would a rack like this one, with a lap top on each shelf be enough to keep the magnets on the lids of each laptop from interfering with each other? What about protecting each laptop from the heat of the other laptop?

I already have a mechanical KVM. I will just need to buy one that accommodates more than 2 computers.

Please, let me know if I have overlooked any considerations.

Thank you.

Howdy,

Just this morning I got a wild hair and started thinking about replacing my older Kindle Paperwhite, mostly because something with a a USB-C port would be nice to have. I'm still not sure I'll actually do this, as my Kindle works just fine, occasionally needing a reboot is about the extent of it, as well as the reading time can get janky here and there.

Based on what I'm reading about Kobo, it seems like it offers a bunch of features I'll never use or be interested in. I do not care about customization. I don't borrow from the library. I don't mind buying from Amazon. I rarely read books more than once, so I almost never go back through my collection to see what I have. I don't like ads (I have a PiHole, for example), but the ads on Kindle don't bother me, my brain skips over them, never even noticing. And by casual reader, I mean I read maybe 5-10 books a year, so my Kindle often just sits by my bedside, gathering dust for a spell.

Basically all I do is pick up my Kindle, unlock it and get back to reading whatever I had been, then close the case and set it aside. I like that I can read on the Kindle app on my phone if I've forgotten my Kindle at home. I do read lots of samples on it.

Kobo seems nice and I like an excuse to migrate away from a major corporation, but it's more expensive than a Kindle (I've bought both my Kindles I've owned, used for $40) and seems to offer little that I care about over the Kindle. I'm well aware I can transfer my purchases over, but I'm not sure I care or want to bother with the hassle, so I'm wondering if a Kobo would be at all the right choice and am looking for opinions.

Thanks!

Oftentimes I find myself feeling overwhelmed when listening to music that speaks to me. I feel vivid imagery cover the landscape in my mind's eye, as if a custom made music video was being created on the spot to accompany the sound.

I encounter a frustrating obstacle when considering how to best translate this surge of inspiration into art. I know exactly what I want to create but feel limited by a lack of experience in animation, modeling, illustration etc. and the time it would take to approximate my vision. Altogether, it becomes discouraging and the idea withers before it has a chance to blossom.

My question to the creatively-minded is this—what strategies are deployed to counteract your self-doubt before it undermines your inspiration?

.

Thank you for any wisdom offered. The tildes community is special and dear to my heart ♡

[Possibly solved, please look at comments]

Hey,

so recently a family member accidentally downloaded a shady browser extension called: "Easy Print" on Firefox. 30k downloads, no ratings, weird "offical" website and installed accidentally trying to buy tickets. I assume it showed something along the lines of: "Buy ticket now" and they just clicked on it (being overall inexperieced with security). Only extension installed was uBlock until then.

I won't post a link just in case, but you can easily find it by googling: "Easy Print Firefox" or "Easy Print App" for their website.

What makes this weirder is that they change the default search engine to Yahoo, which for me was always a red flag for a hijacked browser.

I uninstalled it, but am concerned that they installed something like a keylogger along with it.

Can anyone help me what this is and, especially, how I can properly teach them the basics of internet safety? Not the first time their PC/browser was filled with unwanted stuff...

Thank you and best regards!

*TRIGGER WARNING: Racist and Anti-LGBTQ topics contained below with hurtful language *

Hello all,

TL;DR: I am wondering if there's any generally recommended resources, books, or general advice (peer-reviewed research would be ideal) on dealing with racist, close-minded family after you have made the transition to more progressive worldviews? I don't really like my family these days because of their Trump support as well as their generally close-minded, reality-denying views. It's weighing on me, because I miss having some sort of good connection with them like I used to. Their health is starting to decline, but I've gotten to the point that I don't really like them that much, and I haven't been going to see them. These two parts of me are kind of at odds with each other, and I'm struggling to find a balance.

Background & Context: I (33M) and I grew up in a rather conservative family (2 older brothers), to the point that a "light" level of racism was generally accepted and talked about in the family, and as an example, jokes using the N-word with the hard R were told by my dad and grandparents semi-regularly. I say "light" racism because we don't have a family history of racial violence or owning slaves (we're descendants of 1900's European immigrants, mostly.) I also think my family generally supported the Civil Rights Act back in the day. As a result, I grew up finding racist and gay jokes funny and frequently repeated them, and generally had a close-minded approach to the world before I went to college - but I never truly wished anyone any ill will. I got along well with my family, and while we were never super close, I at least talked to my family about stuff but we never really shared emotions or talked about depression with each other. None of us ever really learned how to deal with their emotions and talk about them. My family never traveled, either, so I never got out of my home state till I was in high school, and it was of my own volition. My parents are also conservative Christians, so they have generally anti-LGBTQ views. My mom calls LGBTQ people "abominations" per the bible, for example. It's disgusting.

Once I got out into the real world working with people of other cultures and befriending them, my worldviews began to change. Especially once I went to college and started working in scientific research, wherein your critical thinking and objectivity are especially stressed, I started to pivot more and more to progressive views. Beyond that, the more I saw that data generally supported progressive views and policies, I started to disagree harder and harder with my parents on political topics. Additionally, I slowly lost my faith, and started to become more and more annoyed by my mother citing the bible as a reference for topics such as LGBTQ marriage rights. I now commonly refer to myself a recovering Catholic.

And then Trump happened. Honestly, in his first run, I could understand why people voted for Trump. They were tired of traditional politics and feeling like it wasn't working for them, especially in midwest and blue collar areas, so they figured "fuck it, throw some chaos into the system." But after COVID and January 6th? I just can't fathom still having a SHRED of support for that disgusting shell of a man. And yet my parents do. My mom watches Newsmax, thinks COVID vaccines are deadly, and thinks the 2020 election was stolen. She thinks Biden was kidnapped and was being impersonated by the Deep State. I can't. I just can't with her. It's all she wants to talk about, and my dad won't say anything to her about how fucking crazy the shit she spouts is.

I was also close to one of my brothers for many years, as we went to concerts and played games together mostly. We just "click" when it comes to gaming together, and it feels seamless and fun to play with him in a way that it doesn't with anyone else I've ever played with. But then, politics comes up. My brother would probably be aptly described as an incel, in that he reads 4chan still, and also has some batshit crazy views. One, for example, is that he doesn't think the races should mix, because something along the lines of black and white genes don't work as well together. He has straight up said that to me, and I regularly wonder if I should cut off contact with him for that alone. He often blames women in sexual assault cases or characterizes them as gold diggers. A part of me wonders if I am doing a disservice to the aforementioned groups by even still associating with him after saying things like that. If I am also doing a disservice to myself by even sometimes associating with someone who has such an awful worldview?

And herein lies my dilemma: I haven't gone to see my family in over 6 months, now (I live <30 mins away). My parents' health is declining - it is likely that one of them is going to die in the next 5-10 years, and yet I don't even want to go be around them, especially my mom. I still game online with my brother, but this dilemma is slowly eating away at me.

But also? I feel a deep empathy and sorrow for them, to the point that I'm choked up as I'm writing this post because they are lonely people who, in my opinion, have been grossly manipulated and mislead throughout their lives. I wouldn't want someone to give up on me, as I feel I am doing to them by avoiding them. I also used to be deeply entrenched in close-mindedness, and I wouldn't be where I'm at without people who kept trying to convince me of a better path. But the other part of me thinks: Is there a line somewhere? At some point, do you become too deeply entrenched that I can't convince you out of it? What do I do at that point? How do I even define that point?

Are there any resources or books on this topic? Are there any objective things I can do to try and improve this situation and feel better about it? I have spoken with a therapist about this in the past, but I wouldn't describe the feedback I got as very helpful. I would like to go see a therapist again, partially about this, but it's so damn expensive thanks to the American healthcare system. Any input anyone has is appreciated, even if it's anecdotal. This post is also partially just cathartic to write out as it is also to ask for feedback. Thank you.

Hi,

Thanks for looking at this. There is a specific comment in a reddit conversation that I want to share in a few different places. It's important to me.

I tried this a few years ago when I wanted to participate in r/bestof and I could not make sense of the instructions that they provided.

I am not a technologically skilled person but I have learned a few tricks using markdown while participating here on tildes.

Can someone please give advice and possibly help me troubleshoot ? I will be returning to my computer and hopefully trying out suggestions about four hours from the time stamp on this post.

After several bad experiences lately, I am interested in grinding meat at home. Does anyone have experience in this practice? I have a KitchenAid stand mixer and after some research, I am interested in buying the meat grinder attachment. However, there are literally dozens of weird Chinese brands on Amazon purporting to sell an identical set for much less. AliExpress is even cheaper.

Has anyone bought and used the KitchenAid version? Has anyone tried a cheaper version?

Thank you for your advice.

Thank you to everybody who commented; I'm going to look for the official KitchenAid attachment at a good price.

I have an M1 MacBook Air. I use UTM to run a Debian 11 virtual machine.

After the initial setup, updating and upgrading, installing Firefox and a few small programs, (I almost called them apps, d'oh), the Debian.utm file size was about 6GB. Now, less than a month later, it's almost 9GB.

The VM size increases after each use. I haven't downloaded or installed anything close to 3GB worth. I have downloaded files, then put them into the trash and emptied the trash, could the trash not be emptying properly?

I have run ncdu, but nothing stands out. When I drill down into /usr and into each large folder, no sub folder is larger than a few 100MB. I can't see any big files lurking.

I've googled using many search terms, but I can't get past results that are about how to increase the size of a VM that is running out of room.

Thanks very much for reading this, any ideas?

Wondering if anyone has any good books or other content to recommend on software design. I feel like when I start out on a new project I always get stuck in a rut of trying to design something good, then end up with an awful design anyways. On the other hand, I've been around professors and more experienced software engineers who seem to effortlessly come up with simple, powerful architectures and interfaces.

While I know that reading a book or two won't get me the experience I need to improve, it does seem like that might be a good jump-start. Anyone have any suggestions for me? Thanks!

I'm stuck in a bit of a rut for work and trying to help out a department. We're going through a massive cash flow problem that we will see the other side of. There is zero budget for this, but I have spare kit.

The problem is that Legal have pulled all paper archives for all of the projects for the past 20 years of operating and need them digitally stored. Right now, we have a company runner scanning in a document to email, who then saves it off to a folder structure and renames it. The structure is on SharePoint, but the scan is image, not even OCR'd.

I have discovered Paperless NGX and wonder if this would be a better option for fast ingest. I can host on prem easy enough, either on a bare metal or VM. It looks like it can SSOd via many different options.

Any input would be great before I just go ahead and do this. I'm after pros and cons, alternatives, etc.

Thanks.

I'm looking at some recommendations for books about childhood trauma and abuse. Every book is almost the same. Something with a very long title like "You Are Your Own Blorbo: 25 Strategies and Steps to Overcome Your Hurdles and Achieve CHIM".

Then there is the uninspired and very fake summary. And then some supposedly impressive quotes by some supposedly bigshot people.

When you check out the author, they're often mentioned as a therapist with [insert experience of a few decades that doesn't necessarily mean anything]. They don't generally even mention what kind of therapist the author is (a psychologist, a psychiatrist, a mental health councillor, a different type?). They certainly don't give too much specifics about the therapy techniques they're specialized in and actual education, you know, two very important things.

It all feels disingenuous and scammy.

Thanks to this dishonest marketing style of virtually every single book in the industry, none of it means anything. You could write the absolutely worst, actively hurtful book, and still get all of this plastered on.

Beyond this marketing illusion, I know there to be some books that are actually helpful (have read a few), but vast majority of self-help books are either scams or overselling their quality. The problem is, even quality books seem to have this marketing shtick going on. Internet isn't too helpful either, because people -especially laypeople- too often misjudge. The only way seems to be seeing what the fuss is about yourself. But that takes a lot of time, and there's also the possibility that you will come out of the other end with internalized crap. It's genuinely a soulless ordeal to sift through all this utter shit to find something of worth.

I know it's not hopeless, as I read some good books throughout the years, but damn can it feel that way. It's especially more frustrating when you're just trying to find something to help tackle problems, and you're met with a capitalist epistemological nightmare.

This is a rant, I absolutely detest this industry, but this post is also meant to start a discussion. There is something rotten about this, and I wonder what other people have experienced and think about it. Experiences, frustrations, solutions, etc. are all welcome.

I've copied the full tweet below (it's from August, I missed this news somehow):

We've been evaluating a number of C++ successor languages for @ladybirdbrowser , and the one best suited to our needs appears to be @SwiftLang 🪶

Over the last few months, I've asked a bunch of folks to pick some little part of our project and try rewriting it in the different languages we were evaluating. The feedback was very clear: everyone preferred Swift!

Why do we like Swift?

First off, Swift has both memory & data race safety (as of v6). It's also a modern language with solid ergonomics.

Something that matters to us a lot is OO. Web specs & browser internals tend to be highly object-oriented, and life is easier when you can model specs closely in your code. Swift has first-class OO support, in many ways even nicer than C++.

The Swift team is also investing heavily in C++ interop, which means there's a real path to incremental adoption, not just gigantic rewrites.

Strong ties to Apple?

Swift has historically been strongly tied to Apple and their platforms, but in the last year, there's been a push for "swiftlang" to become more independent. (It's now in a separate GitHub org, no longer in "apple", for example).

Support for non-Apple platforms is also improving, as is the support for other, LSP-based development environments.

What happens next?

We aren't able to start using it just yet, as the current release of Swift ships with a version of Clang that's too old to grok our existing C++ codebase. But when Swift 6 comes out of beta this fall, we will begin using it!

No language is perfect, and there are a lot of things here that we don't know yet. I'm not aware of anyone doing browser engine stuff in Swift before, so we'll probably end up with feedback for the Swift team as well.

I'm super excited about this! We must steer Ladybird towards memory safety, and the first step is selecting a successor language that we can begin adopting very soon. 🤓🐞

Nitter link:

https://nitter.poast.org/awesomekling/status/1822236888188498031

Original post:

https://x.com/awesomekling/status/1822236888188498031

Some of Kling's replies in that thread are also pretty interesting:

My general thoughts on Rust:
- Excellent for short-lived programs that transform input A to output B
- Clunky for long-lived programs that maintain large complex object graphs
- Really impressive ecosystem
- Toxic community

In the end it came down to Swift vs Rust, and Swift is strictly better in OO support and C++ interop.

The September monthly report for Ladybird released the day after I posted this. It provides basically the same information:

This Month in Ladybird September 2024

The section about Swift:

Successor language search progress

Over the past year, our core contributors have been exploring potential safe languages to complement or succeed C++. We evaluated several options, including Rust, Swift, Fil-C, and others. While some languages offered compelling features, many fell short in either C++ interoperability or providing the level of memory safety we needed.

After extensive testing and discussion, Swift emerged as the top choice among our core developers, thanks to the new Swift 6 interoperability features and its growing cross-platform support. As a result, we’ve decided to adopt Swift as our C++ successor language.

That said, this will be an incremental shift. The existing C++ codebase is deeply embedded in the project, and a complete rewrite would be impractical. Instead, we’ll be gradually introducing new components in Swift, carefully integrating them with our existing C++ code over time. Look forward to a dedicated blog post on the topic soon.

I hope this question will become clear by the following example:

When I state "Mother's Cooking," As a native English speaker, to me the sentence fragment is read kind of "in order" so to speak, each word being read in the order it is presented for me to understand the sentence.

However, when this sentence fragment is translated to Chinese, it becomes:

妈妈 做 的 菜
māma zuò de cài

Which I literally translate to:

"Mother's cooking of Dish"

and in practice I begin to learn to look for the phrase after "de" then "go back" to the "māma zuò" to figure out the whole sentence. Does this make sense? I have to go to the end of the sentence and then refer back to the part "in front" of it so to speak?

What is going on here, and is this perceived as such by native speakers? Do all native speakers feel like their language flows linearly ? I think I read somewhere that some languages start their sentences with the verbs at the front of the sentence (Arabic?)

I'm hoping that a linguist will be able to explain to me what phenomenon I'm experiencing.

Thanks in advance!

Source for sentence/grammar

From their Discord:

"Yesterday, gdkchan was contacted by Nintendo and offered an agreement to stop working on the project, remove the organization and all related assets he's in control of. While awaiting confirmation on whether he would take this agreement, the organization has been removed, so I think it's safe to say what the outcome is. Rather than leave you with only panic and speculation, I decided to write this short message to give some closure.

These words are my own. I don't want to speak for anyone else here, so just remember that while reading.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed code, documentation or issue reports to the project. Thank you all for following us throughout the development. I was able to learn a lot of really neat things about games that I love, enjoy them with renewed qualities and in unique circumstances, and I'm sure you all have experiences that are similarly special. I'm extending my own massive thanks to our moderation team, who have been here through some rough circumstances and always found ways to make light of it."

As of this post, the GitHub is closed and their downloads page is blank.

Hi, I need to re-terminate a couple of wires I do not wish to replace entirely. I'm thinking of just buying a cheap Klein crimper but is there a reason to buy something more expensive? If somebody with experience has any recommendations here, I'd appreciate them. Thanks.

Edit: thanks to everyone for their prompt replies! I will go with your consensus of no need for an expensive tool right now.

I've been struggling with this for a long time. I want to keep my workflow consistent independent of my "workstation", and have identical dotfiles (like .bashrc, .vimrc etc.) on different devices.

So... How you personally deal with this issue, and what should I do?

Thanks!

My only living parent has between one and five days left to live. The parent is unable to speak now and has had dementia for the last 5 years and will not recognize who I am if I go visit now in these final hours.

They live a few thousand miles away from me; it would be expensive to go and money is painfully tight right now with my partner unexpectedly unemployed and struggling to get a job comparable to the job just lost.

I’m somewhat estranged from this parent. The short version is this parent is a narcissist and really didn’t show up when I was growing up, or at any point in my adult life, or really at any point when it mattered. Despite this person being a really crappy parent, they exerted a massive gravitational pull in my life through many decades—basically, this parent loomed very large for far too long given the extreme narcissism, albeit much less so in the last decade or two. (Dementia and my coming to terms with it all and caring less and time and my having my own kids and my starting my own family all being some sort of salve.)

I have one very close friend who is telling me that it is critical to go before this parent dies because being present while they are still living will give me a kind of closure and unexpected resolutions that I cannot even anticipate now. This friend is quite adamant that going is critical for personal growth.

A different close friend says that going while the person is still alive is a complete waste and that I should go for the funeral instead where I can see other relatives and connect with my sibling and other relatives and deepen those relationships which (the friend says) will be a momentous transition point for us all, creating a better sense of family than any of us could have ever had while this person was alive. This friend insists that the healing and closure is identical pre-death and post-death, but that the extra emotional burden of seeing someone dying will derail me and never be able to be “unseen.” This person thinks spending money on two trips is foolish, so the one trip to go on is for the memorial. FWIW, My sibling is only going for the memorial.

Even if money were no object, I’m not sure I could emotionally handle going twice. I suppose I can, but that’s very time intensive and I have young kids myself who need me and for whom it would be a strain if I were gone for too long. I’ve already said it, but I have to say it again: money is really tight Going twice feels possible, but extremely difficult

I guess what I’m really trying to understand, if my feelings for this parent are presently ambivalence that grew over a decade or two from what was formerly extreme anger and hurt, is there something meaningful about going while the parent is still alive? Is there something important that happens before the person dies that is in someway healing or transformative or valuable? Is it more important to instead go when my sibling is going? Should I max the credit card and go twice? Should I risk infuriating and deeply damaging my relationships with my extended family and not go at all to save money? (This last option seems wrong, but it is a possibility, so I feel like it at least deserves considering.)

Friends of Tildes, what did you gain or lose from seeing a relative in hospice? What thoughts and wisdom do you have to share around moments like these?

Thank you in advance for sharing your stories. I’m sure your collective wisdom will help me make a better choice.

This topic is for the Three Cheers for Tildes mobile app.

I'll summarize the major updates at the start of each similar topic, so people can read the updates and then hit Ignore if they don't care about more frequent updates and user feedback.

Recently:

Three Cheers version 1.1 is out for Android and iOS! (Sep 14, 2024)

• Added an in-app YouTube player
• Added 2 settings related to YouTube and autoplay
• Tweaked the labels dialog UI
• (Android) Fixed Back button navigation in the WebView
• (iOS) Fixed UI bug commenting on a deeply nested comment

Android version 1.1.2 (Oct 4, 2024): Fixed YouTube player setting, should take priority over Browser type setting. Fixed a UI bug with ignored topics appearing unignored.

Some technical details: The YouTube player uses the YouTube IFrame Player API using the Android and iOS wrapper libraries. They are both open source and I was able to submit some improvement patches to them.

Regarding release schedule: Prior to version 1.0 of the app, I was working (a little too) hard on the app and putting out monthly megathreads. These days I'm allocating my time differently, so topics won't be monthly. Please continue to feel free to reach out, whether posting in the megathread even if months old, or emailing me using the contact info on the app store pages, or using iOS TestFlight feedback functionality.

Huge thank you to the few people who have set up a recurring donation in the app. From a worker perspective, it's still a tiny tiny amount if comparing with an actual wage developing apps, but luckily for my users, I'm not trying to make a wage from this app, and plan to continue developing it at my own pace. That does mean that updates will be somewhat unpredictable though.

Previous topic: May 2024

Where to get it

Android version on Google Play Store: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.talklittle.android.tildes

Or sideloadable APK at https://www.talklittle.com/three-cheers/

iOS version on the App Store: https://apps.apple.com/app/three-cheers-for-tildes/id6470950557

Join TestFlight for iOS beta testing: https://testflight.apple.com/join/mpVk1qIy

I found myself on the Archivebox website earlier today. After reading some of it, that's the kind of program I could use. The ephemerous nature of the web is bothersome, so much content is lost for one reason or another. Archivebox seems to be one of the most popular tools, and it can automatically mirror my locally downloaded website to archive.org, which is great. It seems complex though, maybe more complex than I usually tolerate these days. Which is why I am asking if anyone has personal experience with Archivebox or other similar programs. Do you find them useful and reliable? Have you ever found in your local storage a webpage that you really liked, which was gone from the web? How's your setup?

Thank ;)

Hey Everyone,

My partner and I are headed on a spontaneous trip to Japan in a few weeks and looking for suggestions. We've heard some great things about Piss Alley and Golden Gai in tokyo, as well as the fish markets, and got really excited about the southern island of Kyushu after watching a video from Huckberry. We're hoping to get out of cities for the most part and into nature/sleepier towns, are able to rent a car but would love to explore as much as we can on trains/bikes, and are really excited about the culture/food/onsens. Really excited to hear about anything you'd recommend based on that or really anything that knocked your socks off!!! Thanks!

The news has been talking about the burst of mosquito activity, thanks to warm weather and moisture everywhere. In our typically bug-free home, we've lately been swatting a half dozen flying insects a day, mostly flies and fruit flies, and a mosquito here and there.

I'm not necessarily scared of West Nile, Eastern equine encephalitis, or dengue virus, but I'm wondering if anyone has any good tricks for dealing with all these bugs.

How are you dealing with mosquitoes and flies at home?

Hi DnD friends,

I'm tackling a new DM challenge and could use some guidance. I'm designing a dungeon where humanoid beavers are attempting to awaken a sleeping god. Their efforts get derailed when they offer the god a magical plant that overgrows their entire base, warping the rooms and fusing many surviving beavers into half-plant, half-beaver creatures.

Since our group is relatively new, I've found that combat can be a bit slow. To speed things up and make combat more dynamic, I want to include environmental elements and traps—things like shelves that can be pushed over or a chandelier that can be dropped on enemies. I hope this will make the players feel more impactful when they pull off creative moves.

I plan to design a large building that encourages investigation, puzzle solving, and backtracking. My goal is for the players to get familiar with the map before combat, allowing them to discover useful items or environmental features they can take advantage of when enemies appear.

Since I've never done anything like this, I'm seeking advice on how to approach the design. Are there common pitfalls I should avoid to keep the building fun? How large should the maps be if I want to run this over 3 sessions, each about 3 hours long? And what types of puzzles would fit well in this environment?

Thanks a ton for your ideas! I’m already feeling like I may be reaching too high, but I’m excited to give it a shot!

I am currently preparing for a new job and cleaning up my dotfile repository. During the process, I had the idea that it would be nice to create a list of amazing tools, aliases, functions, and recommendations together.

I will start.

First, here is a list of nice tools to apt-get install or brew install that I can wholeheartedly recommend:

• nvim is just an amazing text editor.
• fzf is a very good fuzzy finder util. For example, you can quickly find files with it.
• eza is a good ls replacement (and the successor of exa).
• bat is a great replacement for cat with nice integrations and many options.
• stow is great for managing your dotfiles. Thanks to @TangibleLight for telling me about it some while ago. I really love it.
• tmux is a terminal multiplexer, i.e. you can have many sessions in one single terminal window. It's easy to use and super helpful. (When on a mac, I prefer iTerm tabs, though.)
• nvm is practically a must if you are working with Node.
• glow is an excellent markdown reader.
• tldr is a nice man replacement. (You must run tldr -u after installing it to update available texts.)
• z, an amazing tool for switching directories quickly.

Also, I can recommend Oh My ZSH! which I have been using for years.

Here is a small list of aliases I enjoy (I have 100+ aliases and I tried to pick some others may enjoy as well):

# Serve current dir
alias serve="npx serve ."

# What's my IP?
alias ip="curl --silent --compressed --max-time 5 --url 'https://ipinfo.io/ip' && echo ''"

# This should be the default
alias mkdir="mkdir -p"

# Nice git helpers
alias amend="git add . && git commit --amend --no-edit"
alias nuke="git clean -df && git reset --hard"

# Make which more powerful
which='(alias; declare -f) | /usr/bin/which --tty-only --read-alias --read-functions --show-tilde --show-dot'

# This saves so many keystrokes, honestly
alias -- +x="chmod +x"

# Turns your path into a nice list and prints it
alias path='echo -e ${PATH//:/\\n}'

# Map over arguments and run a command
# Usage: map <command>
# Example: ls | map cat
alias map="xargs -n1"

And, finally, here are some fun functions:

# Get cheat sheets for almost anything!
# https://github.com/chubin/cheat.sh
cheat() {
    WITH_PLUS=$(echo $@ | sed 's/ /+/g')
    CAT_TOOL=$(command -v batcat || command -v bat || command -v cat)
    curl "cheat.sh/$WITH_PLUS" | $CAT_TOOL
}

# Send everything to /dev/null
nullify() {
  "$@" >/dev/null 2>&1
}

# Create a new dir and enter it
mk() {
  mkdir -p "$@" && cd "$_"
}

# Create a data URL from a file
# Source: https://github.com/mathiasbynens/dotfiles/blob/master/.functions
data-url() {
	local mimeType=$(file -b --mime-type "$1");
	if [[ $mimeType == text/* ]]; then
		mimeType="${mimeType};charset=utf-8";
	fi
	echo "data:${mimeType};base64,$(openssl base64 -in "$1" | tr -d '\n')";
}

DMs, how do you decide if an NPC dies at 0HP (like a monster) or drops unconscious and starts making death saves (like a PC)? I'm a newish DM (been playing off and on for 10 years but never run a campaign that had legs until now), and our last session ended with the death of a recently-introduced barbarian NPC at the hands of another barbarian NPC. I made some other missteps but the big one seems to be this death - some of the players were shocked that barb #2 had done enough damage to kill barb #1 outright. I just had #1 die because she hit 0HP, and it hadn't really occurred to me that she should have gotten death saves.

Any rules of thumb for how you handle NPC death/dying? Or, if you're a player, how you would expect/like to see it handled? Happy to provide more context if desired.

Thanks!

I’m really frustrated by recent experiences interfacing with the mental health system for myself and for my teenager. For them, it’s really atrocious. There may be effective options for the upper classes, but they aren’t accessible to me.

This is inspired by @X08’s recent [post] (https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1iia/unable_to_feel_progress_lack_of_happiness_and_not_finding_motivation_to_keep_investing) . Obviously I don’t know about their particulars, but I’ve certainly had the experience of being a part of a group where it appears others are progressing while I am not. Partly this is a problem of how we perceive, measure, and judge “success.” “Don’t compare my insides to others’ outsides,” as the saying goes. But it is possible to a more faithful and reflective comparison, and it does happen that others similar to me* make progress where I don’t, and it’s really frustrating. I’m often wondering, what’s wrong with me that I can’t change and grow?

I don’t have a great answer, although my exceptionally shitty childhood certainly plays a great role.

What I really want to comment on, though, is how insensitive our current mental health system is to the impact disparate causes have on creating similar symptoms, and how that should inform treatment approaches. A gifted psychiatrist (of which there are shockingly few) once put it like this (paraphrasing): Before we look at treatment for depression, we have to make sure the patient isn’t just surrounded by assholes.

But it’s a real problem. CBT is touted by a lot of “weighty” authorities as a valid gold standard treatment for a wide range of MH symptoms, and is claimed to be effective regardless of causes. And it’s my opinion that there is a lot of reasonably scientifically rigorous research backing that claim up. But, it’s not all rainbows, and it’s not working for lots of people. For one, a lot of folks claiming to do CBT are really not. Actual CBT involves a lot of homework, and a lot of recipients don’t have home support and don’t do the homework. This is extra true for children and adolescents living in dysfunctional homes. But more than just patient effort, the research marking CBT as so favorable is mostly based on subjects who are only mild to moderately distressed.* The end result is everyone involved in the “evidence based” healthcare chain is signing sufferers up for CBT when that might not be the best approach. There are lots of other criticisms too. If a practitioner is not well-trained and dedicated, the practice can be very invalidating. It seeks to make the sufferer’s more cognitive process more ‘rational,’ but when that person’s experiences are really, objectively bad, it’s very rational to conclude the world is hostile and unsafe. The tool itself is prepared for this, but it takes a really effective therapist to pull off. Also, it’s not enough by itself, grieving and other healing is also required for success.

The same thing happens in 12 step groups. AA/NA is resoundingly helpful-for a certain set of alcoholics/addicts. Those who don’t make it are often exhorted to become more honest, more open-minded, or more willing.*** My observation, though, is that most of the ones that make it come from intact families with resources. This is not universally true, it’s important for me to point out that there are enough examples of success among folks with no such background to say that there is something valuable in that approach that transcends socio-economics. There are also plenty from well-resourced families who don’t make it, but many of those families are highly dysfunctional. Of this last group, folks from dysfunctional families, some of us find success in other groups. This is because AA/NA are designed for sociopaths, ACA**** is designed for the product of sociopathic parents (who are filled with shame).

I don’t know what the solution is. A lot of malaise, addiction, “maladaptive” behaviors are, I think, born in a dysfunctional society, and so long as that society remains dysfunctional, no individual focused therapy solution will create a permanent fix. I think right here and now, too, we are at one of humanity’s “high tides” of self-destruction, a result primarily of runaway capitalism (is there any other kind?). We also just came through a really nasty global trauma, everyone is feeling it some kinda way.

Thanks for attending my TEDz talk.

*Of course, when talking about something as complex as a human life, there may no way to determine how similar is enough to make valid comparisons

**Also, let’s not talk about the various biases and implementation problems with what those studies refer to as ‘validated’ assessments used for measuring level of distress

***I am, technically, an NA success story

****Adult Children Anonymous, aka Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, more info at adultchildren.org.

This is something I've been thinking about for a long while. I will try to briefly explain my reasoning.

I live in a country that's not a western country. It has plenty of its problems with right-wingers, and they certainly do hate queer people. However, for years I've been observing and interacting with these people. Many of them, especially teenagers, 20 and 30 year olds, use the language and rhetoric of the American/Western right-wing.

They constantly talk and complain about SJWs, even though there is barely any left-wing in this country, much less a "SJW" type. They talk about "blacks" infiltrating the tv shows, movies, games. They talk about black people as if they are invaders. An ex-friend of mine, whom I cut contact with because of his increasing radicalization due to right-winger brainrot on Twitter, even said they will come here and ruin our country, "like they did to Europe". He doesn't talk to or have any friends from another nation, and has said this due to the American and Western brainrot spreading on Twitter.

This is extremely weird, because nobody before recent times had a major problem with black people here, because it's an extremely rare occurance whenever you see a black person. So, even right-wingers didn't seem to pay any attention to them. But this all changed with the utter shit rhetoric spread by the American and Western right-wingers on social media sites.

This applies to queer people as well. I've heard and seen so much imported rhetoric that I'm amazed at the international connectedness of right-wing hate. For example, even though trans people never were the focus of any big attention on social media before, thanks to the weird "tranvestigation/infiltration" rhetoric spread by American and Western right-wingers on social media, local sites here started fixating on trans people, especially trans women. However, this in time spread to hating on queer people in general. Just the other day I reported a major hate speech graffiti I saw in my neighbourhood. Luckily it was removed, but I heard from friends similar recent occurances of this hate speech graffiti targeting queer people. Never before in my life I had encountered such a thing. I suspect the trigger was the propaganda spread by American and Western right-wingers.

Why did I create this topic?

Well, first of all, I wanted to share my story and observation.

Second, I wanted to bring attention to a problem I deem important.

And third, the userbase of this site seems to be mostly Americans, and I wanted to challenge an assumption many Americans seem to have—that hateful propaganda on social media seems to almost exclusively come from USA's enemies. No, American and by extension western right-wing is extremely strong. It has extreme reach and powerful rhetoric. It's a global problem. I've been paying attention to this topic since 2015, and in recent years more and more American alt-right rhetoric I've seen in 2015-2016 on American internet started being voiced here more and more.

So, I guess, queers from other countries, beware of American alt-right rhetoric. It has a powerful effect on local right-wingers in other countries, and you might benefit from studying and learning to deconstruct and fight it.

This is also another reason why USA's elections are everyone's problem. The internal power struggles and ideological battles there are exported to the rest of the world.

TL;DR: recommendations for a small or folding keyboard that in addition to Bluetooth, also connects directly by USB C.

Hello all. I'm a contractor who does a bunch of different stuff, and one of the areas I occasionally do is on-site IT work.

I'm always looking for better tools, and while I can and do keep a standard full-size USB keyboard in my van, I'd like something more space efficient that I can fit in a small toolbag. There are tons of mini and/or folding Bluetooth keyboards out there, and some of them have USB-C or mini-USB ports, but so many of them are either only for charging, or just don't tell you if you can connect to a computer by USB. Since most rack servers aren't going to have Bluetooth and I want an option that involves the least number of steps (trying to avoid a bluetooth keyboard and having to use a USB bluetooth adapter), I'd really like a mini or folding keyboard that, while it can do Bluetooth, also can connect to a computer by standard USB. I specifically want a USB C port since I'm trying to standardize my gear on that.

Thank you everyone!

Hey, so there's been an ice buildup in our fridge creeping along the back. After a while it hit the front, and tadaaaa, it finally got bad enough the door didn't close fully... So most everything outside of one big pile of vegetables got defrosted overnight. (On the plus side, I walked into having a nice big pancake breakfast!) We threw out the meats and moved the veggies to our other freezer. This at least let me finally disassemble everything and see what's in there. It looks like this in there:

https://imgur.com/a/YnGB3Zz

When we noticed this was happening a few months ago I turned off the ice maker switch in the back and, but it still kept doing this. There's still a ton of ice in the top tray, and set the temp to the max. But the fridge is right up against the left wall there, making it difficult/impossible to get the trays here out with the door blocking it. Additionally the right side has a dishwasher immediately next to it, so a decent amount of heat goes up the back. Then ALSO I found that big chunk of ice frosted on a pipe, so I wonder if it split? I'm unfamiliar with fridge design, so I don't know exactly what would give me the right answer.

I'm wondering what to do. My thoughts are that I've finally got the bottom tray/shelf/bucket thing out, so I could hammer the shit out of it and at least clear the bottom up... Then if I could get the top tray out I could see if removing all the ice in the top would stop the creep. I'm guessing that's a big fat no. At that point, is it possible to remove the ice module that I actively do not want anyway to see if it fixes anything, or is it integral to the freezer design? And at that point... Should we just get another fridge? Are there fridges without this busto icemaker shit nowadays? Thanks!

Probably more accurately, I hate that alcohol is treated so lightly in our culture. Its an extremely dangerous drug, yet we rarely acknowledge that. The most you'll hear is "Please drink responsibly" as if that has any influence at all.

What's disgusting to me personally is how it affects families. My bio kids and extended family are not drinkers, a little bit socially but my kids grew up in a 100% dry and sober house. But my wife's kids were the victims, and I use that word accurately, of an alcoholic grandfather who passed along his curse to their alcoholic father. He was an alcoholic who turned into an abusive man who spread his misery and chaos to his whole family. It directly killed his parents and two of his siblings and the remaining two are living miserable lives as alcohol has killed their relationships with their loved ones.

My wife's ex traumatized my stepkids and my wife in ways that are hard to comprehend - it's disgusting unless you understand what a demon that alcohol can be and how much it can f*** up your life and the lives of everyone around you. And then, after causing years of chaos and misery, he took his own life and added even more to their trauma.

Just recently, one of my stepkids realized that they too are an alcoholic. What the hell. That's now the third generation. At least they recognized it "early" because they're not yet in a long term relationship and they don't have kids (thank god) so it hasn't had a chance to completely f*** up their entire future family's life but its definitely caused them significant grief already. I only hope and pray they stick with their new commitment to stop drinking so this curse doesn't pass on to the fourth generation. They've gone to an AA meeting, heard other people's stories and seem to realize how bad it could get, as if their own father's story wasn't enough.

F*** alcohol. Seriously, it just makes me so angry how glibly it's treated. It ruins SO many people's lives, causes SO much pain and yet we live in a society that constantly pushes the message if you want to have a good time you should have a drink. Or two. Just get a little tipsy, why not?.... no one mentions how alcohol can not only totally screw over your entire life but also that of people three generations into the future. Or how millions of people are silently living with alcohol abuse in their families hoping and praying that it doesnt kill someone they love.

Ug. Just. Don't. Drink.

Hey there, I am asking for a friend who is interested in transitioning from their career of designing print ads (Photoshop and InDesign) to web design.

I would imagine they would need some courses on responsive design and Figma? But I'll let the people with experience talk if they're here.

Free is preferred but willing to pay if needed! And if you have links or specific online courses you really like and helped you, that would be great!

Thanks in advance!