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What's a culture shock that you experienced?
Could be from a place you visited or moved to. Could be from a community or group you joined.
Whatever it was, there was something new or unfamiliar to you, and you had to wrap your head around that something that you weren't used to.
What was the culture shock, how did you respond to it, and how do you feel about it now?
Speaking of cultures within America:
"Midwest Nice" reminded me of the "Southern Hospitality" I grew up with, which was really just another flavor of "passive-aggressive asshole".
Living in Denver was what actually really shocked me, where people just don't give a fuck about each other. Like you don't really have people giving the head nod when passing, there's no small talk with cashiers or others waiting in line, no waving to people in the neighborhood when they drive by/you drive by. Definitely a lot more of a "lonelier" feel. Made me think of what I've heard of eg Scandinavian countries
But the people who were outwardly nice were more sincerely nice, and conversation with strangers that did happen felt more impactful than superficial. As a massive introvert and at-worst autistic-correlated, I really miss living in Denver lol.
I grew up in VA (arguably more diet South), but lived in Colorado for most of my 20s. The girl I dated while I was out there was always so annoyed at me saying hi to everyone. I can't help it, Megan!
lol that's hilarious
I once stayed at an Airbnb in the USA, just a room in someone's house. We spent new year's eve there and it was very cold and rainy outside, so we decided to stay in. The lovely lady who lived there had a lovely cat who needed to be fed. She had a party that night and asked us if we would mind terribly feeding the cat. Of course we would, it was a few seconds of our time.
The next day we woke up to find a thank you note, which I thought was a really nice gesture, but it included some money. A decent amount, at least for us. It felt strange to me. Very transactional. In my country nobody would do that, you just do favours for people. I asked my husband if we should refuse to take it, but he said it might have offended her. I did enjoy that money, not gonna lie, ha ha.
You might be surprised at how expensive a cat sitter can be in the USA. You might have only earned market rate!
I think money don't have to be transactional, though. When I patronize local businesses that I love, I sometimes give outrageous tips -- I've hit 100% or more a few times, especially around the holidays, at businesses that routinely give me free beers and where the owners make good chat. It's just my way of saying thank you since I have a decent paying job.
Referring to people present in the room as he/she.
I know that sounds crazy, but let me explain. Where I'm from, France, it's considered very impolite to refer to somebody present in the room as he or she. I remember being corrected very often about this as a kid at school or at home that it got engraved in my habit.
If somebody is present in the room, you need to refer to them as the way you address them. For example, if I'm talking to you with Phillipe Dubois present in the conversation, and I'm talking about him, I should use "Phillipe" if I'm formal with him, or "Mr. Dubois", such as "Oh yeah, Phillipe was just telling me about this." If I were to say "Oh yeah, he was just telling me about this" as a kid, I would have quickly been corrected with by an adult with a "He, is Phillipe!" He or she is reserved for people who are not present.
When I moved abroad (the US, and now Germany), I realized that this was an utterly French-only thing. People will refer to people in the room as he/she left and right. At first, I remember thinking "wow... this guy/lady is so rude..." After a while, I recognized it was totally accepted :D .
Side note: Using he/she while the person is present in France can be used to be purposefully rude towards them. I understand こいつ (koitsu) to be similar in japanese, which they usually translate in english as "this guy"
This is fun stuff as a (very gradual) Japanese learner lol. I believe it's typically impolite to use "you" in Japanese: you name someone (with honorific suffix) when talking about or to them, unless the subject is being omitted/implied. I think the he/her equivalents are a little more accepted than second person.
Also, かのじょ (kanojo) is both she/her and "girlfriend."
Then the myriad options for first person pronouns are truly something.
So interesting! Do you know, is this a France-french thing (and are there regional differences), or have you seen it in other French cultures? I'll have to ask my french colleagues whether quebec has a similar tendency.
I honestly have so many little culture shocks I could share, especially coming from an American visiting Europe and East Asia. I think probably my favorite one I'd like to share is experiencing South Korean restaurant culture when I visited in 2023. Traditional South Korean meals are meant to be shared. There's often a few main dishes with a plethora of sides and you're meant to just take small samples and share with friends or family. This extends to a lot of restaurants too, with options often meant for a group of people to share with portion sizes to match. This can make it difficult for solo travelers (like myself) since restaurants will either turn you away or require you order multiple portions of food. The first few days I was in Seoul, I struggled to find places to eat by myself as the big restaurants that would show up on the maps apps would often turn away solo eaters. However, I quickly discovered plenty of smaller, family run restaurants that were more than happy to take my business. These places were so cozy and the food was great, it truly felt like stepping into someone's home and enjoying their food.
I've heard that this is why Korean videos of people eating are popular, to watch while solo eating?
I grew up in eastern Washington state, in a small town (by national standards; it was quite large compared to its neighbors and county). It was racially-diverse compared to its neighbors, but that wasn't a very big hurdle.
My then-girlfriend, now-wife is Chinese American, 4th or 5th generation depending on which side of the family you trace. She grew up in the suburbs of southern California, considerably less rural and significantly more ethnically-diverse than my hometown. Like, her graduating class from high school was several times larger, in number of kids, than my entire high school.
At one point early in our relationship, she ended up taking a summer job in northern Idaho. Growing up in that general area, I knew the history of the region (Aryan Nation compounds, that sort of thing) and told her what to look out for, and taught her some basic self-defense. She told me stories of her time there, where she "stopped an Albertson's cold" by simply being the Asian person present in the store. She turned heads wherever she went by simply existing.
I had my own, quasi-similar moment when we later went to an Asian market in SoCal together. I was one of only a handful of white people there; I wasn't the only one, but there weren't many. I got some funny looks from folks throughout the store, particularly because I'm very pale - and being that pale in SoCal, I definitely stand out.
What occurred to me was that there was a key difference between my wife's experience in northern Idaho, and my experience in southern California. At no point did I feel threatened. I felt uncomfortable, sure, but I never felt in danger. She, on the other hand, felt uncomfortable and under threat when she stepped foot into that Albertson's.
This was one of the many steps I took towards being (or at least trying to be) anti-racist. No one deserves to feel threatened just for existing in a given space. You don't necessarily have the "right" to feel comfortable everywhere - not every space is made for you - but you don't deserve to feel like you'll be attacked for just being somewhere.
Tri-Cities?
You kinda have to be Brazilian to fully grasp this, but I'm from Salvador, the most African city outside of Africa. Going to Curitiba, a Brazilian city with a strong Ukrainian and German makeup, was quite an adventure. They don't really say "good morning," etc. They talk much less overall. Which I actually kinda liked, but coming from Salvador it was an adjustment. Also, the experience of looking around and everyone was white. I felt a little isolated, and the few Black people there dressed formally and extremely well in comparison to the others. I got the impression that they dressed that way to compensate for being Black. But IDK. It was my first experience in an extremely White culture. I loved the city, the cold climate, and most people were very nice. Just different.
Also, I had no idea that cold could be "trapped". The stores had no heating and stayed cold the entire day. That may sound silly, but when you live at a place that is always between 25C and 38C (and 18C with high humidity just a few days every year), you subconsciously think that is the default, as if everything had a natural tendency to heat. Which, of course, they don't. It's just one of those things that you are used to and never think about.
This is only tangentially related, but I was recently shocked to find out that there is not only zero Porto's locations in Florida, but they only exist in a few cities around the greater Los Angeles area.
For those outside the loop, Porto's is a chain of Cuban bakeries specializing in pastry and cakes, but also do coffee, bread, and a handful of lunch specialties. They are notable because they are physically huge buildings, are massively popular, and their food is both mind-blowingly good while also being very reasonably priced. Their most famous item is their cheese rolls, which is a sweet cream cheese filled pastry roll, followed by their potato balls which are a buttery cheesy potato... ball. Right now they are in the middle of making a new location in Downtown Disney, the shopping and restaurant space outside of Disneyland, so they're a pretty big deal to people in the area.
And for those even more out of the loop, I'm surprised that they aren't in Florida because there's a lot of Cuban people there.
I'm heading back to my parent's place in LA in a couple of weeks and I'm about to hit Porto's every single day I'm there.
When I met my ex girlfriend for the first time, when saying bye, I went to kiss her on the cheek. She's Chinese, I'm Latin. It turns out that this is not how to say goodbye to people universally.
(I'm Hong Konger) I physically recoiled reading your comment in a "ugh what are you doing?" way :) does the reverse culture shock exist, where people saying goodbye would be confused why we couldn't lean in for cheek kiss?
Aha, this reminds me of when I (from canada) was younger and staying briefly in france, I just couldn't get the whole cheek kiss/bise thing. I was invited to a little party and trying to fit in, and at some point someone explained to me noo you dont lean in like that, that's what little kids do! (Or something to that effect). I gave up, decided I was happy to resign myself to not understanding this greeting.
You don't? Hmmmm okay yeah I don't understand either
This is not about a huge shock, but I'm very conscious about how different cultures allow different amounts of physical personal space. I'm from a place where we stand fairly far apart when talking and feel uncomfortable if someone gets within that area. When I travel, I sometimes experience people who will come very close when talking, or in public areas people will bump into each other more often and that seems pretty odd to me. I mentioned it to a "close talker" once and they must have been pretty offended about it because they talked about it every time I saw them afterward.
My seventh grade Spanish teacher was from Colombia and talked about that! She was used to getting very into people's faces when she first came to the US. She adjusted her behavior by the time we had her, but before teaching at my school, she first taught Spanish to police officers.
She recounted how she'd startle officers by leaning right into their faces while correcting their pronunciation and sounding out the syllables. And how in retrospect she was lucky no one reacted badly.
In high school, a girl transferred in from Colombia and we became friends. But she was very touchy feely. Always wanting to hug me when we met up, touching my arm while talking to me, standing really close, etc.
As a guy, I was like "...is she into me? What is going on here??" Typical guy thinking, I know, but I wasn't interested in her in that way anyway. Also, practically none of the girls who I was friends with, who were from the US, were like that. Not to that extent. Plus, I'm not particularly touchy feely, again being a guy and just my own upbringing (think being Asian plays into this a little). But I didn't really know how to say something without thinking I'd be offending her.
Eventually a mutual friend unprompted told her, "You know, JC doesn't like being touched that much..." in front of me. My Colombian friend looked at me and I just nervously smiled and nodded in confirmation. She was mortified and apologized profusely. And I was a bit embarrassed, too. We're friends, after all! But she also explained that in Colombia that that level of touch and proximity is totally normal. It doesn't mean anything other than that we're good friends. She didn't really realize that in the US things were so different. We were still cool afterwards. She touched less, but I also accepted it more. It was a good learning experience, probably for the both of us.
That's awesome your mutual friend said something!
My university friend from Ecuador said the same when I asked her straight what the biggest difference was between Canadians and South Americans.
"Canadians like their space" - an observation that was judgement, observation and unfortunate fact for her all at once. At the time, it made me a little ashamed to be from a place where people couldn't handle being close.
American things (mostly white people)
(Some) people wear their shoes inside. This one still feels psychopathic.
Americans heat water with the microwave. They use the microwave to make tea or ramen.
Circumcision. It being common to mutilate baby's genitals is utterly bizarre. Especially when the reasons are some combination of "hygiene" (the rest of the world and human existence seems to get on with it fine), not wanting people to masturbate (wtf), and aesthetics (of your child's dick?).
Homecooked meals have a tendency to be a clean split between protein, vegetables, and carbs.
People dress very poorly outside
The proper knife and fork etiquette is to cut your food and then swap hands for some reason
Even though knife and fork are the utensils of choice, most people do not seem particularly to have learned or thought much about how to use them
Sweet breakfast
Islamic countries (Pakistan, Saudi Arabia)
People don't date - you go straight to marriage.
There are no urinals. Only stalls. It's customary to only pee sitting down.
It's customary to use like a water pot thing instead of toilet paper.
Mainland China
Spitting
People drink hot water when it's hot
All the subways have (pointless) metal detectors
Quite literally everything is on an app.
People still don't quite queue for the subway
Shockingly, they convinced drivers not to honk in the last 5 years or so
Mainland China: have they stopped spitting in public and stop holding up children to pee in public trash cans after COVID?
Hong Kongers also drinks boiled water, even in the 30°C+ summer. Iced drinks cost extra for meals that come with a (hot) beverage.
There is an middle eastern market / restaurant here. It's very good, but in the bathroom stalls there are these things that look like small watering cans. Is that what you are talking about?. How does one fill it? How is it used? I have so many questions.
This seems to vary by house as much as by person. General rule of thumb I see is remove shoes when the weather is bad to avoid tracking in mud, but if the weather is fine? It's a crapshoot. Some people seem to find bare feet or socks less hygienic, others are fine either way... It's hard to predict unless you ask or the host says something. Though come to think of it, I don't think I've entered a house with a firm no-shoe rule...
I think this one has been discussed on Tildes at some point before? My own take is that it's not an etiquette thing, it's just easier to use my dominant for finer tasks. I can cut more neatly with my dominant hand, and I'll be using the fork more than the knife (a lot of meals don't even need knives), so it's instinctive to hold that one.
Though I'm curious by what you mean about not learning how to use knives and forks. And also by "people dress very poorly outside". Do you mean they don't dress suitably for the weather? Or that people go for really low-effort clothing with minimal care to our appearances...? (Which, both are fair criticisms. The fact I and so many others have seen joggers in t-shirts and shorts when there's snow on the ground...)
When my wife and I went down south to South Carolina and Florida we did our usual chart of Celiac-friendly gluten-free food so we can, practically, plan the trip backwards from where we eat. Up here in NJ it's often a minefield with cross-contamination; even when we find a new place that'll do a GF order, we take a huge chance and my wife occasionally gets horribly sick for a day a few times per year. We thought food prep was going to be worse down south.
Nope! Holy shit, so much better. Not only is there some real good GF food down there, but restaurants who were serving GF were way better about managers swinging by to make sure they got her order correct. There was a GF chicken and waffles chain, Bantum and Biddy, that was like crack in Amelia Island. We ate there three times in 24 hours. Zero glutenings in a whole week. Y'all got it good.
A reverse culture shock: Coming home from remote summer work to the overwhelming noise and crowds and shininess of modern city life, it always took me a couple weeks to readjust.
To expand: I spent my younger summers tree planting in northern canada (it's a real job that can make good money, not, like, a feel-good volunteer thing). The companies I worked for had bush camp setups in reasonably remote locations, where the amenities were our own tents, outhouses, bathing in the nearest lake/river, and a cookshack run off propane + mess tent. I did this long enough ago that starlink didn't exist, and there was usually little to no cell service in these areas. The nearest towns were often 1-2 hours away, and we'd go in only once every week or two. We worked hard and had fun, but man were we ever in our own world! Coming home was such a major adjustment to all the stimuli.
When I immigrated from the US to rural Australia back in 2012 (having never before traveled outside North and Central America), I think my biggest shock was the difference in the food culture: Walking into bakeries and not recognizing a single product on the shelves, not being able to find a lot of my staples (for example, no wholegrain pasta, and I even had to grow my own black beans! Only recently have these become commonplace), many of my American recipes failing because the measurements are different, thinking "potato cakes" sounded disgusting, going to so-called "American" diners that just taste like Australian food, etc. For the most part, American and Australian culture are extremely similar, and I was completely prepared for how little overlap there would be.
There were also a lot of fun dialect differences to work through, like when my neighbor talked about having "potatoes for tea" (potatoes for dinner) or when a someone told me I needed a "servo" to fill a bike tire (I thought he was talking about a servo motor and I was very confused).
But my favorite dialect confusion: There was a drought my first few years here, and one of my coworkers was telling me that the water level had gotten so low that they found a boy at the bottom of one of the local lakes. I was completely shocked — they found a boy? I asked her if they called the police, and she was confused; why would they call the police about a boy in a lake? It was several minutes of me increasingly freaking out and her wondering why I was making such a big deal about it until we realized that we pronounce "buoy" differently.
I visited Toronto last year and was entering a shopping mall through a double door vestibule. A middle aged woman is walking behind me, so I hold both doors for her.
"You held the door" she says. "Nobody does that anymore". I really didn't have anything to say but "I'm from... The prairies?".
Despite our stupid reputation, Prairie cities in Canada are known for their hospitality and friendliness, and whether it was the door holding thing, cyclists and pedestrians in heated screaming matches or just the general level of unfriendliness, the Toronto public were pretty awful.