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    1. “It can’t be that easy, right?” (a Linux desktop environment appreciation post)

      I daily drive Pop!_OS, which uses the GNOME desktop environment. I know that DEs are a hotly contested space among Linux users, and my use of GNOME wasn’t so much a choice as it was a default:...

      I daily drive Pop!_OS, which uses the GNOME desktop environment. I know that DEs are a hotly contested space among Linux users, and my use of GNOME wasn’t so much a choice as it was a default: it’s what came with my distro.

      I like GNOME. I don’t really understand the hate it often gets, but I also don’t really have the legacy understanding of Linux that a lot of people do, and it seems like a lot of distaste lies there. I’m as casual a user as they come — Linux for me is like a Chromebook: it “just works” in that I pretty much need it to get me online and manage some documents. (I do also play games on it, for which Steam and Proton have been a huge boon.)

      I also have a Steam Deck, and it uses KDE’s Plasma on the desktop side, so I got to see what that was like. I also like KDE. It’s very different from GNOME, but I can see the appeal. It feels more like Windows but also has a lot of little nice touches and additions. Also, no ads.

      This got me thinking: what if I tried using KDE instead of GNOME on my laptop?

      I assumed that this would be a big deal. Like, I would have to completely gut my distribution, or reinstall it fresh. Multiple hours of work. Lots of preparation. Looking up myriad terminal commands I don’t understand and hoping they do what they’re supposed to, because if they don’t I’m really screwed — as soon as something goes wrong “under the hood” I’m dead in the water when it comes to fixing it.

      But I was looking on System76’s support site and they made it seem super simple. A single terminal command to install the whole DE?

      It can’t be that easy, right?

      I am astonished to say that it WAS.

      I ran the command, had to select between gdm3 and sddm (a choice which I didn’t understand at all so I searched around a bit before just going with the default: gdm3), and then rebooted.

      I can now select between GNOME and KDE on the login screen, and both work flawlessly. It was so easy.

      I don’t know who to credit for this. Did System76 do a great job of making this easy on their distro? Did the KDE team work hard to make their DE effortlessly plug-and-play? Is this just a general product of the way Linux handles its different components?

      I don’t know but I’m willing to spread the love around to anyone and everyone who contributes to Linux and all of its facets. It’s wild to me that I can so easily reskin my entire operating system in the same way that I used to do with Winamp back in the day. I keep waiting for something to go wrong, but after a few days of this, I’ve realized that everything still “just works,” automagically.

      A big thanks here to anyone who has a hand in open-source software and making computing better for people like me, who have (mostly) no idea what they’re doing.

      56 votes
    2. Put an "ignore" link next to the topic name in topic lists

      It would be convenient not to have to open a topic to click the "ignore" link. Being forced to open a topic to click the "ignore" link isn't going to make me give the topic a second chance. :-)....

      It would be convenient not to have to open a topic to click the "ignore" link.

      Being forced to open a topic to click the "ignore" link isn't going to make me give the topic a second chance. :-).

      Thanks.

      12 votes
    3. Better reply features

      Not too much to say here. It's pretty barebones right now. Dunno if it's a major goal, but given the whole point of tildes was for it to encourage better discussions, it'd probably help if the...

      Not too much to say here. It's pretty barebones right now. Dunno if it's a major goal, but given the whole point of tildes was for it to encourage better discussions, it'd probably help if the reply feature was looked at a bit.

      1. I believe that the formatting help should contain the word "Spoilers" in the header for expandable sections. It's probably the most common reason I find myself going to the help doc of a site, because most other things just follow markdown format these days, and yet that word doesn't exist on that page and I still consistently see people asking how to do it.

      2. I like that you can resize your replies. I hate that it's possible to accidentally resize the box UNDER the sidebar making it impossible to get to the scroll bar or the resize "'grip" on the lower right corner.
        https://imgur.com/a/xDVTigJ

      3. How much of RES can be emulated?
        The normal reply view, with most of the shown buttons pushed:
        https://imgur.com/a/GW5eNeY
        And the large editor mode for more substantial posts:
        https://imgur.com/a/XCdNEfN

      It's a pretty clean interface that does 3 important things in my eyes:

      1. Gives you LIVE previews. Matters more on reddit where it's easier to accidentally screw up your line breaks and get formatting you were not expecting, but for more complex posts it can be annoying clicking back and forth between the preview pane.

      2. Quick buttons for common features. I know the markdown for most things, but buttons are nice, especially for "oh shit i want this whole section to be a quote/codeblock/spoiler" moments.

      3. The "i'm going to write the wheel of time in this window" large mode which can help ensure somewhat decent flow for more complex topics.

      Some of this matters more due to reddits nature as a community resource (games/hobbies/whatever all have large pinned threads, and hell their own mini wikis), but again just wanted to bring this stuff up as it's either kicked me in the teeth or prevented me from making larger posts/topics more than once.

      Edit- and i suppose to make my case I had to edit this because I screwed up my line breaks and forgot how they get handled with numbered lists. If i could just see the preview and make the change i'd use it more, but since it requires just clicking off, scrolling down, checking my work, clicking back, finding my place, and editing, I find it just easier to post and uh...fix it in post.

      23 votes
    4. Recommendations for less mass-produced and more artistic tv

      I'm looking for tv shows, films, animation that feel unique, smaller and less like it was made to order and taken through incessant A/B testing and market research and more like a creative type...

      I'm looking for tv shows, films, animation that feel unique, smaller and less like it was made to order and taken through incessant A/B testing and market research and more like a creative type was given a bit of freedom and went with it, and least to a point.

      A few that I think would qualify though obviously filtered through my own preferences.

      Films
      Children of Men
      A post-apocalyptic journey.

      The Man From Earth
      Just a few people talking in a room about a fantastical scenario. Strangely I tried to imagine a bigger more cinematic version going through the events and actually came to the conclusion the I'd probably like it less.

      Stardust
      A fantasy romance with a truly whimsical, wondrous feeling. And a bit of humor.

      TV shows
      Alphas
      A superhero show, however they are flawed and the powers are limited. I particularly liked that the problems depicted were small, personal and only started to ramp up later.

      Station 11
      A post-apocalytic show following a traveling troupe with a repertoire of Shakespeare's plays.

      Severance
      What if the work and personal lives were separated taken to the logical extreme.

      Firefly
      A sci-fi western. Small family feel with the crew.

      Animation
      Mushishi
      Episodic series about dealing with varied and fantastical creatures.

      Webseries
      Anyone but me
      A lesbian slice of life romance.

      LARPS
      A life of a guild of role players. I particularly like how the sessions manage to still get a bit of an epic feel with people simply talking and a bit of props.

      Watch blue movies
      NSFW theme, though I don't recall much of actual NSFW material. Just hilarious.

      33 votes
    5. Co-op game recommendations

      Edit: This community is amazing, thank you all for all of your suggestions. Feel free to keep them coming. I have a Google doc full of ideas with my comments that I'm going to drop on him. I was...

      Edit: This community is amazing, thank you all for all of your suggestions. Feel free to keep them coming. I have a Google doc full of ideas with my comments that I'm going to drop on him. I was trying to respond to everyone and then discovered that Tildes will rate limit you. So if I don't respond to you, I'm sorry but I definitely read your comment and checked out your suggestions!

      My friend suffers from depression and lives 6 hours away from me so the happiest I see him is when we are regularly gaming together. The problem is that I haven't been able to find a game we both wanted to play for a while.

      I just cannot get into all the survival crafting games that seem to dominate co-op gaming these days. I am looking for suggestions for anything else. Also, it needs to be an online co-op instead of a couch co-op.

      His computer isn't the best so that needs to be a consideration, nothing wrong with older games. Ideally we are talking about PC games on Steam.

      Examples:

      • we played a ton of Risk of Rain 2, probably the last game we played a lot together
      • we have played through Halo co-op a bunch of times.

      Who has ideas for me?

      34 votes
    6. Advice for hosting (and building) a personal website

      Hey all! I've been thinking about buying a domain and building a personal website for myself -- at this point just a personal website with links to my socials, my CV, maybe any interesting...

      Hey all! I've been thinking about buying a domain and building a personal website for myself -- at this point just a personal website with links to my socials, my CV, maybe any interesting projects I want to publicize. Maybe someday I'll decide I want to add a blog or build a webapp or something, but for now it'll be something simple and static.

      My programming experience is very much not in the frontend side of things (I'm a data scientist and mostly use python day-to-day). I played around with HTML messing with my Tumblr theme enough back in the day that I'm reasonably sure I can build something solidly web 1.0, and I've toyed with stuff like Jekyll in the past. But I was wondering if I could use this as an opportunity to build up some basic skills that I could put on my resume for the future. But I have no idea what's out there that would be useful and quick to learn but wouldn't be massive overkill for a project like this.

      I also have no idea how web-hosting works and who to go with if I want to build a personal website myself rather than relying on something like Wix or Wordpress. Most of the easily-Google-able advice is for different use-cases. Advice is either people who want something user-friendly with minimal coding like Wordpress or it's for something properly big and commercial, neither of which is me.

      Anyway, I know we've got a lot of suitably tech-y people here on Tildes, so I'm hoping people here have good advice for this sort of use case. Thanks!

      21 votes
    7. Pride Month at Tildes: #5 - Ask almost anything

      Ask almost anything Last week had a focus on understanding. This week has the same focus but with a different angle. Use this topic to ask almost any question you want to ask, including those...

      Ask almost anything

      Last week had a focus on understanding. This week has the same focus but with a different angle.

      Use this topic to ask almost any question you want to ask, including those you’re worried might come across poorly if brought up elsewhere.

      If you feel equipped to answer a question, answer it!

      Importantly: this is a safe space in which you can ask questions free from judgment. The vibe we're going for is a classroom, not a battleground.

      Discussions like this can often cause intense emotions, but I want us to be especially vigilant in keeping this topic conflict- and aggression-free (see: Thermostat Rule below). If a fight breaks out in a classroom, learning stops, so conflict is counterproductive to our goals here. Disagreements are fine; disses are not. In all of these threads I have said that we should "be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots." Let's put that into practice here.

      If you feel that a user is deliberately breaking any of the norms for this topic, do not engage them. It is more productive to simply mark their comment as noise and not respond. In the extremely rare case that you believe someone is actively intending to do harm, please mark their comment as malice.

      Ground Rules

      • Curiosity Rule: The reason that this is "ask almost anything" instead of "ask literally anything" is that your question has to come from a place of genuine curiosity -- you must honestly want to learn more. This is not a place to ask rhetorical questions to make a point or provocative questions to stir the pot.

      • Good Faith Rule: assume all users here are acting in good faith and read their words in the best possible light. This goes for both those asking the questions and those answering as well.

      • Thermostat Rule: the thermostat is set for this topic, meaning the heat should not rise. If you find that you might say something that would raise the temperature in the topic, please reword it, step away to cool down for a bit, or ignore the topic entirely.

      Guidelines

      • Experience Guideline: if a question is directed at people with specific identities/experiences, the bulk of their answers should come with people aligned with those identities/experiences. For example, a question directed at trans people should be primarily (but not necessarily exclusively) answered by trans people. The reason this is a guideline and not a rule is that there are many ways a rule would cut out valuable discourse -- e.g. people who are still questioning their identities; a cis person who wants to talk about the experiences of their trans partner, etc.

      • Multiple Answers Guideline: even if a question has already been answered by someone else, it is okay to give another answer if you have more to add or a different perspective to share.

      • Volunteer Guideline: if you are open to answering questions about specific topics, instead of making a top-level comment with a question, make a top level comment stating what you're willing to share about (e.g. "I'm happy to answer questions about ace spectrum terminology"). People can then respond to you directly with their questions.


      Full Event Guidelines

      Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics (especially this one!).

      I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.

      Be kind; be gracious; listen to others; love lots.


      Schedule

      I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

      June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
      June 4th: Who is a historical LGBT advocate that you admire?
      June 7th: What positive changes have you seen in your lifetime?
      June 10th: What's something you wish more people understood?
      June 13th: Ask almost anything
      June 16th: (teaser: windows and mirrors)
      June 19th:
      June 22nd:
      June 25th:
      June 28th:


      If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

      25 votes
    8. I toured a 'pocket community' of tiny home - the builders are trying to help solve the housing crisis in Canada

      Was just driving through a town in southern Manitoba and pulled over to take a break and saw these tiny homes: https://i.imgur.com/hG9NAGR.jpeg Tiny homes have always intrigued me so I talked to...

      Was just driving through a town in southern Manitoba and pulled over to take a break and saw these tiny homes: https://i.imgur.com/hG9NAGR.jpeg

      Tiny homes have always intrigued me so I talked to the owner. Its in a trailer park and this was a lot that was available for development so they had 16 tiny homes built in three sizes. The smallest is a 510 sf one bedroom, then a slightly larger one bedroom and the biggest one is a 920 sf two bedroom.

      They are "modular" homes which means they were manufactured in a factory a couple of hours away and trailered into the site. But despite the fact they travelled by trailer and that they sit on screwpiles instead of a foundation, they are fully built as regular homes.

      Its cold here in winter (down to -40c) so the homes are super insulated with about 12" of insulation in the floor and ceiling and 6" in the walls with another 2" of foam insulation on the outside walls. They are completely heated by the mini split system with the addition of a convection electric heater in each room to keep them warm in the coldest part of winter. Amazingly in a place where my own bills for electricity can hit $250 in winter without heat, the most the owner said she paid was $80 for electricity including heat.

      The interiors look like any regular home only smaller:https://i.imgur.com/aFufGMI.jpeg and definitely dont give the same vibe as a mobile home. It feels like a house with small rooms.

      So far the 2 bedroom units are selling fairly well but the one bedrooms arent moving as easily. Part of the problem was covid. In this town a 'starter' home can easily be 350k and they were hoping to sell these from 80k to 120k. But during covid everything skyrocketed from materials to moving costs and the least expensive unit is now 175k and the biggest one is 220k. Add on the 350 a month for lot rent, which includes yard care/shovelling, and its pushing the envelope of what most would consider "affordable" anymore but there's not much they can do now to bring the price down.

      Buyers so far tend to be those who are looking for tiny easy to care for space: a widow who sold her house and wants something small she can leave and go travelling, a guy who works for a railroad who's only home one week a month, a new immigrant family who are just happy to own something rather than pay the same amount in rent.

      I applaud them for having a vision and actually pursuing it. There are some kinks to work out and it would be great if the prices could drop significantly but at least its an alternative to renting or buying an older mobile home. Its one of the first tiny home communities Ive seen up close and I came away with a positive impression. I think its going to be a great little community of tiny home lovers.

      40 votes
    9. Update #2 - "Reopening", Advertising, and so on

      I picked ~misc and don't really have an idea of what tags would be appropriate. If there's stuff I can include in future posts like this I'll be glad to make sure they're there, just let me know....

      I picked ~misc and don't really have an idea of what tags would be appropriate. If there's stuff I can include in future posts like this I'll be glad to make sure they're there, just let me know. There probably won't be one for a long while but I'll remember. Technically I am advertising myself a bit, but I think I've framed it well enough that ya'll will see it's not really the point of the post. I'll never be bothering ya'll with offers and ads and shit.

      This is a continuation from a post I made a while back about how it's going with the endeavor I've set in front of myself. In some ways, things proceed as I'd hoped, while in others there's been need for flexibility/adjustment. I wanted to give an update because a few big steps happened this past week which hopefully mean moving into a busier phase of the whole thing, and to add to the corpus, create the proof of what this all was as it begins if that makes sense.

      The biggest thing has been an article published in our local paper. Two, actually, which were combined together into a front page spread I did not expect. Yes, there's a photo of us and our contact info in there, and yes, you're welcome to reach us if you've an idea for something you'd like to do. You'll be talking to me, and I'll be happy to go over details and land on pricing that actually does work for both of us. Primarily we are offering the space, with some ability to accommodate large groups and connections with folks who can provide stuff. It depends on what you want, how things will be priced. The less you need us to do, the less we need to charge. We don't want to regularly be a place where folks stay overnight, but I can probably swing that from time to time for someone coming from far away. If you aim to do something in the near term, do be aware it is hot as shit down here and very humid. The house is a-ok staying cool, but you'll want to be prepared for Mississippi in the summer. I have a dog too, so if you've got allergies you'll need to prep accordingly. She's gonna be 16 this year, she's nothing but friendly to people and sleeps a lot. Pets are welcome, provided they are house-trained and well behaved.

      I am intentionally avoiding the internet on the whole for reasons I'll get into, but I do want to extend an offer to this forum in particular, as thanks for allowing me the space for expressing my thoughts as they took shape. I'm aware the site is public facing - what I'm going to share here is public already. I have to bite the bullet on sacrificing some anonymity and just try to control how that anonymity goes away, is how I've come to see it. You won't find me on social media, and what exists for the house/my grandmother is wildly out of date/largely inaccessible - it's gonna stay that way if all remains up to me, so this is just about the only way for someone outside of Brookhaven to know of us at this time. I'd like for at least a few people to know what we were up to, in a form that serves as proof of my intent from its actual beginnings. While the plan took shape before I ever wrote about it, it was in writing about it that I was able to make it clear to myself, what I aim to be doing, so I feel like it's part of completing things to share this stuff here.

      The paper is very much a local thing, they got a few details wrong and you'll probably pick out how the quotes don't quite sound like me if you've read a lot of what I've posted. It's fine, the details in need of correction aren't critical. There isn't a lot in there about the more high-minded stuff I like to write about, because I'm not there yet. For now, it's simply building a business out of something, I have to make the something from which that business will spring. I'll think more about where it goes when I've got it moving. The article was free, which was pretty awesome. The paper is in a slow time, and it's mostly one guy doing a lot of the writing, they were just happy to have something to include. I think he did great.

      The articles worked, too. I got calls the day the print version went out, and am expecting some followups soon to set dates and square away payment. I go walking downtown every day in the afternoon, and got some extra attention. While it's possible, while the pressure is light, I've been taking advantage by trying to advertise almost solely through word of mouth and face-to-face interactions, fully aware it will take a while for that to have an effect and that I may need to branch out fast if pressures change. Thus far, it's been the local paper, a print ad in a different paper that goes out primarily to local businesses, and a radio ad. There's a couple of reasons I've stuck to stuff like that.

      The first is that I think it will provide a good foundation for sustaining the enterprise. If it's possible to have enough business to stay around purely from what exists around me, that means I can capitalize maximally if/when we do extend advertising outside our area, and it means security if for whatever reason those means can't be utilized. I don't want to be dependent on the internet for a livelihood if I can possibly manage it. It's not so principled a position that I'd refuse to do it at any point, rather it's like a back-pocket option, something to be engaged with strategically at what I determine to be either the proper time or because the needs have grown past what I can sustain without it, if that makes sense. My aim is to be a part of this town, to be of it, so I want to keep what we're doing as local and simple as possible. I have to be ready to constrain everything and take care of my grandmother too. I won't let that priority slip and will endure whatever hardship is necessary to fulfill it. It's easier to do that the smaller things are, a bit of a balancing act.

      The second reason is much more practical and kind of silly. My grandmother's computer is the biggest security risk I think I've ever encountered in person. I refuse to introduce new online components when such a risk exists, if that makes sense, and I will endure whatever hit to efficiency/development it means until I can get it corrected. Her usage habits are minimal which is a lucky thing - she sticks to old fashioned stuff for almost everything. But, a priority of mine is that she can see and understand everything I'm doing, so I need this machine to be in a better state before I can take some of the steps with that. The challenge of it isn't technical at all, I could get the thing in good working order in a day, probably.

      To give you an idea of what's difficult here, imagine for a moment you just ignored the internet as a whole since it began. You used it, you know how to do some stuff on it, but only by way of memorizing actions, the steps necessary to do a thing you wanted, a setup someone made for you. You never really engaged with what the stuff you use is designed for, you didn't follow how any of it developed, you're (blissfully, I'd say) unaware of pretty much that whole end of things. It's very difficult to explain the danger of something like an AI phishing scam, to someone who for all intents and purposes, never learned what phishing is, and further doesn't tend to believe in the shittiness of other people. That last part is one of the reasons I love my grandmother as much as I do, but it does make this task harder, and delays further action on my part.

      I've gotten the machine to as secure a state as I can, and have gotten the data backed up, so hopefully movement really gets going on this and I can feel better about spreading out our net, so to speak. I think what frustrates me about it is having been there across years of time - a lot of why this machine is the way it is, is because other people took it upon themselves to "fix it" and almost none of them knew what the hell they were doing. They didn't explain anything to my grandmother either. Their interactions mean misunderstandings on my grandmother's part, and the lack of a foundation of knowledge means it's starting from zero in a way I have never actually encountered before doing this kind of work. I've gotten close, seen some pretty absurd things, but the lack here is just of a different kind, more complex than it seems. I've been writing about it separately/on my own because I think the experience stands as a sort of ultimate test of a lot of the stuff I did before I got here.

      There is also health to think about. The priority, for now, is to set things up in a way which is compatible with what my grandmother can do. I'm trying to set up situations that let her do the things that make her happiest, and do all of the nitty-gritty shitty stuff myself. That means house maintenance, yard work, grocery shopping, cooking, arranging for stuff like an electrician when something breaks, learning how to do some of the fixing myself. I've only ever rented. I've never been in a position to maintain a house before, and as I'm sure plenty of you know far better than me, that's a good bit to learn all on its own. Especially with a home as old and complicated as this one with an owner who hasn't done a lot of that herself. Can't exactly tell me what needs doing when someone else was being paid to come do it for years. I feel good about it though, I like to learn and I like to fix things, and there's lots of opportunity. I've been able to eliminate a lot of costs and reduce regular expenses by taking on a lot of what others were doing and applying effective fixes to longstanding issues. It's very fulfilling, like getting to do the type of work I always hit a wall with in all my other workplaces, improve and optimize. That it's for my family brings together a lot of what matters the most to me, keeps me constantly motivated.

      The town is nice too. It's been a few months so I've gotten more acclimated, the slower pace of things and friendlier atmosphere really does a lot for me. Here are a bunch of images of downtown I took on some of my walks. Because of the slower pace, I can be measured, precise, take the proper time to consider things and work out problems without feeling like I'm in some inner state of siege/under the gun all the time. At first I missed a lot of what was available to me elsewhere, but as time went on I came to realize a lot of that just didn't matter as much as I thought it did. As much as I love a good Indian restaurant and a computer store, not having them is not the detriment my mind used to pretend it was. Along with that has come an explosion of creativity, I've done a ridiculous amount of writing and reading, and am slowly getting myself up to snuff drawing things. The house exists on an art school campus, and from what I've gathered reading local magazines the presence of that school has done a ton to really give this place character and variety. My hope is to really lean into that, support it and see if we can have our space be a place for folks to work their creativity. Connections are taking shape and that's made me real happy to see. I cannot tell you how heartwarming it is, for example, to talk about this stuff with the guy who does a radio show and then hear him on the radio a day later saying "this place is really good you should go see it!" Folks are really beginning to grasp my aims when it comes to the scale and type of stuff we want to do, and I haven't really encountered much suspicion/doubt/etc. Folks tend to just trust the simple motives. I can't ask for more than that, the sense of gratitude I wake up with every day is beyond my ability to capture here.

      So, there you go. Another step taken, one more further toward whatever comes, as precisely as I can manage to get to the goals. I wanted to post the followup because I said I'd do that and as part of the effort itself, share the vision and the way it plays out in the hope others spot what my eyes miss, and/or that they might take something useful for themselves from it. I'd love to read it if you have thoughts, opinions, advice, experience. Or if you just want to talk about the high minded stuff, I do like doing that. Helps me stay consistent. Anyway, i've said plenty, so off I go to walk around downtown again. I've got that phone on me all the time, call/text whenever (text if it's after 5pm CST, is my only request with that). As always, I very much appreciate you taking the time and giving me your attention.

      16 votes
    10. Upcoming (and past) concerts

      Gonna see DIIV later this month, St. Vincent in August, and Interpol in November. I saw TOOL earlier this year, and they were awesome, but man, their new songs and album are so much more "Ehh"...

      Gonna see DIIV later this month, St. Vincent in August, and Interpol in November.

      I saw TOOL earlier this year, and they were awesome, but man, their new songs and album are so much more "Ehh" than the others.

      What concerts have you gone to or will go to this year?

      14 votes
    11. Job search blues

      I’m a software engineer with 4 years of experience in a contract position that ends in a few months, with no renewal or conversion. Previously I was laid off in December 2022 and didn’t find work...

      I’m a software engineer with 4 years of experience in a contract position that ends in a few months, with no renewal or conversion. Previously I was laid off in December 2022 and didn’t find work until March 2023, so I’m trying to stay ahead of unemployment by applying for jobs before my contract ends.

      Since January I’ve been applying to all sorts of SWE jobs, either tailored to my experience or generalist roles I can fill. I’ve had two interviews, and they were for small on-site companies in my town. One I had to turn down an offer because their company was a nightmare, and the other went with a candidate who had more experience.

      I feel demoralized, frustrated, and anxious. Only two interviews in nearly 6 months? I thought the job search in 2023 was rough, but this is ridiculous. I’m confident in my ability to perform above expectations and I think if I could at least get more interviews I wouldn’t be searching for so long.

      I assume my resume must be the issue so I’ve rewritten it several times, getting feedback from managers and senior employees while also feeding it through ATS scanners. It’s come a long way but as of recently they all tell me it’s a great resume. They say it should at least get me an interview. And ATS scanners aren’t telling me anything is missing.

      Recently I even got an internal referral for a position through a friend of a friend, and my experience lined up nicely with the job description too. I thought this would be a sure thing, most hires come from networking rather than cold applications. Their engineering manager viewed my LinkedIn profile and I’ve since been ghosted. This experience hurt the most, because what else could they want? I feel like I’ve got a sticky note on my back that says do not hire instead of kick me!

      I can’t be alone in this experience. Is anyone else on here struggling in this job market? How long can this go on for and how bad is it going to get?

      43 votes
    12. Straight romances in tv and movies

      I put on Hit Man last night and about an hour into - it once some romance got going - I just.. stopped caring. I realized I just don't care. I am strictly homosexual, important to note. It wasn't...

      I put on Hit Man last night and about an hour into - it once some romance got going - I just.. stopped caring. I realized I just don't care.

      I am strictly homosexual, important to note.

      It wasn't even mainly a romantic movie. Nor a bad movie. It was pretty average but I often quite like these turn-off-your-brain type action/comedies. The weird thing is that the same director made the Before trilogy which are some of my favorite movies of all time, but maybe it's just that they're better movies?

      In any case, it just kind of surprised me that I had this reaction since I usually don't mind this "tier" of movies. It's not disgust or anything either! I just.. didn't care. But if it were a gay or lesbian romance, I would have definitely been super into it.

      I assume I'm not alone in this. I'm just having kind of an epiphany moment here! You'd think a 30 year old who's been out for years would have had this realization a bit earlier: we/I am not the "default" target audience.

      Feels pretty weird?

      16 votes
    13. Online Scythe gaming group

      This thread is for organizing a group to play Scythe online. Everyone mentioned has either been in my specific thread about Scythe months ago or mentioned it elsewhere. I FINALLY got around to...

      This thread is for organizing a group to play Scythe online. Everyone mentioned has either been in my specific thread about Scythe months ago or mentioned it elsewhere. I FINALLY got around to getting the Steam version in addition to the Invaders from Afar dlc since it was a bundle.
      I'd love to get a Discord group started so we can all finally play together and ultimately shoot the shit and have some fun.
      Also I couldn't figure out how private messaging works which is embarrassing but this is way easier, anyway.
      If this gets enough traction in the next couple of days I'll make us a discord group and we can go from there as far as scheduling goes. I'd also be open to other games if the group wants to do so. 🤘
      @0d_billie
      @guissmo
      @Beowulf
      @Notcoffeetable
      @TreeFiddyFiddy
      @ocdbear
      @AugustusFerdinand
      @TownshipTeleporter
      @clerical_terrors
      @KapteinB
      @Spongey

      11 votes
    14. Should I go heat pump only?

      Hi all, I am in the middle of taking bids with my local HVAC companies and am looking for someone to nudge me in one direction or the other. For background, I bought my house in western Michigan,...

      Hi all,

      I am in the middle of taking bids with my local HVAC companies and am looking for someone to nudge me in one direction or the other. For background, I bought my house in western Michigan, right off the lake Michigan coast near Grand Rapids, last Fall. My home inspection made it clear the AC would need work and I haven't started to feel the need for it until recently. I called an HVAC company out and when they said the unit was 25+ years old, I just told them to forget about even fixing it because it would be at least 10% of the cost of a new unit and still way less efficient.

      So.

      My natural gas furnace is also ~20 years old and the first HVAC guy said that if it broke down, it likely wouldn't pass a safety inspection. They said something about how the coils being dirty or positioned someway or something, I can't really recall 100% what the issue would be but the gist that I got was that when it breaks down, whether it be 1 year, 2 years, or 5 years, it won't be worth fixing or it will be unfixable. A new AC would be ~$6500 and a new furnace would be ~$7000.

      So I started up the conversation towards installing a heat pump unit in instead of a standard AC unit. My initial thinking is that when the furnace goes, I have the back up ready to go instead. Now a heat pump unit is going to cost me around $2000 more. I don't think my plan will be to ever install a replacement furnace. Depending on what the solar assessment says, evaluating both ground mounted and roof mounted solar, will tell me how worth it is to go that route and have discounted or free heating and cooling.

      Where the calculus gets tricky for me is there is the Inflation Reduction Act which will give me a $2000 tax credit for a heat pump. But that will come with buying a more expensive, and efficient unit, and I believe I will also have to completely get rid of the furnace I currently have since the total home system has to meet the efficiency standard. In addition, last month I replaced my fuse box with a 200 amp panel and if I meet the requirements to get the $2000 tax credit, I would also get $600 tax credit for the panel since I can tie them together.

      All in all, I am looking at getting a more efficient unit for roughly the same price as the less efficient unit but without the natural gas furnace as either main heating, or back up heating. My hesitation is that natural gas is so cheap that it doesn't make sense financially to go heat pump only unless I have renewable energy to pair with it. But maybe I am just overthinking it? And maybe I have gotten something wrong in my calculations?

      Any advice or clarifications would be greatly appreciated. I have one more quote coming this Thursday and I hope to make a decision by Friday to get the work started

      31 votes
    15. How to find purpose in life?

      I often think about the purpose and/or meaning of life and I've been struggling to work through these thoughts lately. As I teen I've had these thoughts often, but after experiencing my first...

      I often think about the purpose and/or meaning of life and I've been struggling to work through these thoughts lately. As I teen I've had these thoughts often, but after experiencing my first manic episode (that led to psychosis) back in August 2022, the question of "What's the point?" pops into my head quite frequently.

      Alongside this I've been struggling to come to terms with my new diagnosis of 'Bipolar Type I with psychotic features' as I've already been diagnosed with ADHD back in 2017 and I realize that both of these are life-long diagnoses. I know I just have to learn how to live with them, but that's been a tough pill to swallow.

      I should mention that I'm not suicidal or anything, but rather I feel hollow and numb inside as I am very unfulfilled with life. Some days are okay and I'm still functioning and taking care of myself (so it's not like a full-blown depression), but as I mentioned before, I just don't see the point in all of this and don't find many things to be worthwhile or enjoyable anymore.

      Basically I feel like a shell of my former self after my episode and have found much difficulty in enjoying the things I liked before from hobbies, to music and even food (I was a highly food-driven person). It's definitely much better than it was immediately after my episode, but it's as though life has been sucked out of me and I'm just going through the motions of living because it's what I'm supposed to do. I know recovery takes time, but it's been nearly 2 years since my episode and I thought this feeling would go away by now...

      (I've also been seeing a counselor and OT and am doing things such as CBT and ACT which helped a bit, but not enough as I am here asking questions on an online forum seeking help).

      If you have any advice on how to work through this it would be appreciated.


      EDIT (12/6/24): I wanted to say thank you to all the responses and advice given. I may not have replied to everyone, but just know that I have been reading the comments and I do appreciate them :)

      47 votes
    16. Formula 1 Canadian Grand Prix 2024 - Results

      Oh hey, I'm back! Sorry for not doing a post-race report for Monaco. I straight-up forgot about the report. Was hardly a race, anyway. But Canada, Oh, Canada...Now that was a race! All weekend,...

      Oh hey, I'm back! Sorry for not doing a post-race report for Monaco. I straight-up forgot about the report. Was hardly a race, anyway.

      But Canada, Oh, Canada...Now that was a race! All weekend, the rain (and even hail) had been causing chaos, and the rain delivered even more on Sunday. Around Lap 32, I realized that we still we had half a race to go! At one point early in the race, KMag had cut his way through the field to P4/P5 on Wets while everyone else was on Inters, but as the track dried, he wasn't able to keep it. Still ended up P11, 7 places up from where he started.

      Unfortunately, not a great weekend for Ferrari, both starting just outside of the top 10, and then both cars retiring during the race. And I don't quite understand what Leclerc and the strategists were doing switching to Hards right as the rain was coming back to the track.

      But otherwise, a great weekend for Mercedes and McLaren, though they had to work for it. But in the end, we return back to the Dutch and Austrian national anthems.

      Next race:

      Spanish Grand Prix
      Circuit de Barcelona-Catalunya
      Sunday, June 23

      Provisional Race Results -- SPOILER
      POS NO DRIVER CAR LAPS TIME/RETIRED PTS
      1 1 Max Verstappen RED BULL RACING HONDA RBPT 70 1:45:47.927 25
      2 4 Lando Norris MCLAREN MERCEDES 70 +3.879s 18
      3 63 George Russell MERCEDES 70 +4.317s 15
      4 44 Lewis Hamilton MERCEDES 70 +4.915s 13
      5 81 Oscar Piastri MCLAREN MERCEDES 70 +10.199s 10
      6 14 Fernando Alonso ASTON MARTIN ARAMCO MERCEDES 70 +17.510s 8
      7 18 Lance Stroll ASTON MARTIN ARAMCO MERCEDES 70 +23.625s 6
      8 3 Daniel Ricciardo RB HONDA RBPT 70 +28.672s 4
      9 10 Pierre Gasly ALPINE RENAULT 70 +30.021s 2
      10 31 Esteban Ocon ALPINE RENAULT 70 +30.313s 1
      11 27 Nico Hulkenberg HAAS FERRARI 70 +30.824s 0
      12 20 Kevin Magnussen HAAS FERRARI 70 +31.253s 0
      13 77 Valtteri Bottas KICK SAUBER FERRARI 70 +40.487s 0
      14 22 Yuki Tsunoda RB HONDA RBPT 70 +52.694s 0
      15 24 Zhou Guanyu KICK SAUBER FERRARI 69 +1 lap 0
      NC 55 Carlos Sainz FERRARI 52 DNF 0
      NC 23 Alexander Albon WILLIAMS MERCEDES 52 DNF 0
      NC 11 Sergio Perez RED BULL RACING HONDA RBPT 51 DNF 0
      NC 16 Charles Leclerc FERRARI 40 DNF 0
      NC 2 Logan Sargeant WILLIAMS MERCEDES 23 DNF 0

      Fastest Lap: Lewis Hamilton

      Source: F1.com

      19 votes
    17. How late is too late for a house party?

      I did it. I called the police with a very kind noise complaint. A house party down the street was going at 0130. I typically wouldn't care, but this was so loud that I could ask siri what a song...

      I did it. I called the police with a very kind noise complaint. A house party down the street was going at 0130. I typically wouldn't care, but this was so loud that I could ask siri what a song was and it told me. The house is three houses away, across the street, on the next block.

      For fellow party-poopers, how late did you let it go before you did something?

      35 votes
    18. What do you think is the mindset of the banally evil?

      There was a question on reddit about whether rich people ever think about all the poor and starving people who are suffering while they live in luxury. It got me thinking about the "rich" more...

      There was a question on reddit about whether rich people ever think about all the poor and starving people who are suffering while they live in luxury. It got me thinking about the "rich" more broadly, as many of the people like me who are on the internet are part of the global 1% if not the local.

      I think a lot of rich people dont like to think about the idea that maybe the truly morally right thing to do would be to give up all their money and work a day job like everyone else.

      So they try to avoid thinking about it at all to avoid having to constantly feel guilty about not doing the thing they know is right. Making a contribution to helping others just opens you up to other people or even your own conscience saying you could be doing more, and youll never be able to do enough to fully justify not doing so. Or alternatively you can embrace selfishness and give up on constantly trying to be a better person and never have to think about it again.

      Maybe its easy to look at some billionaire and say they could lose 1/2 their money and not notice any change in their lifestyle, so they should be considered morally contemptable for not even offering a fraction of that when it could make such a difference for so many. But somewhere between that and living in poverty, there has got to be some line where your right to take care of yourself and your right to try and invest in your own future stops outweighing the shame of allowing the evils of the world to go unchallenged.

      Then there is a fuzzy region around that line where its ambiguous whether you are doing enough good in the world or if you should feel morally compelled to change how you are living your life. And I think its probable the for a lot of people the place where they envision all their dreams coming true is somewhere on the negative end of the spectrum. So if your dream is to be a famous movie star, for example, at some point that dream might not be compatible with your moral imoerative to oppose classism.

      Personally I hate having to work an office job. If I got the chance to make a fortune Id build a cabin in the woods and have food delivered to me and never have to deal with anything ever again. But doing so would be selfish. So I guess if I ever had the opportunity Id be corrupted by riches in a heartbeat. Which is kind of a downer of an ending to this line of thought.

      31 votes
    19. Summer Game Fest 2024

      Figured it would be easier to just set up a mega thread. @phoenixrises posted a good resource with the Games Recap website, but I was unsure if people were going to use it to discuss trailers or...

      Figured it would be easier to just set up a mega thread. @phoenixrises posted a good resource with the Games Recap website, but I was unsure if people were going to use it to discuss trailers or not.

      Games Shown
      Lego Horizon Adventures
      No More Room In Hell 2
      Harry Potter Quidditch Champions
      CUFFBUST
      Star Wars Outlaws
      Neva
      Sid Meier's Civilization VII
      Black Myth: Wukong
      Once Human
      Warhammer 40,000: Space Marine 2
      Metaphor: ReFantazio
      Batman: Arkham Shadow - VR game
      Street Fighter 6 Season 2 DLC
      Tears of Metal
      Dragon Ball: Sparking! ZERO
      Delta Force: Hawk Ops
      FATAL FURY: City of the Wolves
      Battle Crush
      Mecha BREAK
      Blumhouse Games compilation trailer
      Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: Rita's Rewind
      Deer & Boy
      Kingdom Come: Deliverance II
      Slitterhead
      Killer Bean
      Cairn
      Wanderstop
      Unknown 9: Awakening
      Enotria: The Last Song
      The First Descendant
      Outersloth Funded Games - Games being funded by Among Us money.
      SONIC X SHADOW GENERATIONS
      Dune: Awakening
      Battle Aces
      The Finals Season 3
      Alan Wake 2 DLC Expansion "Night Springs"
      New world: Aeternum
      Honkai: Star Rail - Art of Dreaming
      Dark & Darker
      Kunistu-Gami: Path of the Goddess
      Hyper Light Breaker
      Party Animals
      skate. - Long trailer to say they've basically got nothing to show.
      Palworld - Sakurajima Update
      Valorant - Console Trailer
      Squad Busters - Live action trailer with no gameplay (for a mobile game?)
      Monster Hunter Wilds
      Phantom Blade Zero

      24 votes
    20. Career advice: specializing in niche tech stack vs. finishing first degree

      Hello all, was inspired to fish for responses after seeing another user request resume feedback. Apologies if the background is on the longer side. TLDR: Dropped out 10 years ago; have only a high...

      Hello all, was inspired to fish for responses after seeing another user request resume feedback. Apologies if the background is on the longer side.

      TLDR: Dropped out 10 years ago; have only a high school degree and university transfer credits. Conflicted between finishing my degree online while working full time, vs. specializing in a niche tech stack (Salesforce) via current employment. Looking for any input because I'm prone to decision paralysis.

      Background I'm in a really weird place currently in terms of long term career track. I dropped out of college for computer science a decade ago. The school was a private for-profit (yikes) and I couldn't transfer any credits out. Either way, I was aimless, so I enrolled at a local community college with the intent of transferring to a state 4-year, earn my bachelor's, and figure things out from there. A connection at the community college helped me find full-time employment in a help desk role, so I paused my studies.

      That help desk role turned into a weird application analyst/developer position that involved configuring applications using a low code platform. I taught myself Python and some super basic React while there, and my crowning achievement was making a hideous set of Python scripts that ended up replacing an automation program that the company couldn't get working anyways. When my boss at that job moved to a new company, he contacted me in the next year to fill a systems analyst position, which in practice was learning Salesforce administration and whatever else third party tech tools the company decides to adopt for projects. I've been here for 1.5 years now. The pay is not amazing for HCOL, but I'm still living with family and the work is fully remote so I'm not complaining.

      The best part, actually, is that there's a lot of room for career growth with actual on the job experience... if I teach myself Salesforce development. There's a few other people on my team who all stumbled into Salesforce admin tasks like myself, but none have a CS background so I've already taken on and delivered on some tasks that would previously have gone to a consultant.

      I don't know how many folks here work with Salesforce development, but my research tells me that it's a locked ecosystem, incredibly flooded on the entry level by people holding certificates from Salesforce, and a different enough beast from traditional software engineering that X years as a Salesforce developer won't exactly translate to X years of experience when trying to pivot to a software dev role. I already had a difficult time getting any responses back when I tried to apply to junior software dev roles during the pandemic - which could be my resume, but I'm sure the lack of a degree and primary work experience being on low code platforms were not helpful. Either way, the thought of relying on Salesforce for breadwinning is... not something I am "above" by any means, but does trigger a bit of anxiety for the future.

      The second option would be to go through some reputable online degree program like WGU or CSU Monterey Bay's CS Online. I've actually been slowly earning credits to transfer to the latter, but I've never been a great self-paced learner. I read that these programs are perfect for people working full time, but I absolutely do not fit the bill for the type of student who can blitz through WGU's program in a year. So both would take me maybe two years to complete if I start in 2025, which is something to the tune of $15-20k USD. I can afford this, but it's not exactly a drop in the bucket either. Dropping work to attend in-person at lower costs at a local university unfortunately is not an option.

      If I were driven and disciplined enough, I could do both - learning SF dev on my own time and applying it to work, while also earning my degree - but I'll be honest and say that's just a recipe for disaster. I know me; if I had even a fraction of the discipline required to make that work, I'd have upskilled out of here years back when pandemic hiring at tech companies were at an all time high. That train has come and gone, though.

      18 votes
    21. Ten days in December- Germany with kids: Itinerary feasibility

      Hi all- throwing myself on the goodwill of the community. I'm currently planning an approximately 10 day trip to Germany this December with my wife and our two boys (6 and 10). I am constrained by...

      Hi all- throwing myself on the goodwill of the community.

      I'm currently planning an approximately 10 day trip to Germany this December with my wife and our two boys (6 and 10).

      I am constrained by the will of the people as follows:

      My Wife: Wants to see the Christmas markets in Cologne and wherever else they may be in the cities we go through. Cologne is a must, though.

      My elder son: Is obsessed with tanks and really wants to see the German Tank Museum in Munster (Lower Saxony not Munster in Westphalia). Honestly, so would I.
      He had also really wanted to see the u-boat preserved at the German Maritime Museum in Bremerhaven so Bremen seemed like a good midpoint. It turns out the ship exhibitions are closed during winter alas. In any case I'm not closely wedded to Bremen specifically but I will need to take a day trip to the Tank Museum from a nearby city. Staying specifically in Munster seems counterproductive as it appears to be a rather small town (I'm willing to do so if anyone has good things to say about it).

      I'm stuck with these dates too, as I have to be elsewhere by the 21st for Christmas celebrations.

      Currently the broad strokes are as follows:

      10 Dec (Tues)
      AM: Land in Frankfurt 0610. Connect to Cologne via train
      PM: Check in to hotel. Cologne Christmas markets

      11 Dec (Weds)
      AM & PM: Tourist stuff in Cologne

      12 Dec (Thurs)
      AM: Connect to Bremen via train
      PM: Wander Bremen old town

      13 Dec (Fri)
      AM: Rent car, drive to German Tank Museum in Munster
      PM: Back to Bremen, check out Christmas markets

      14 Dec (Sat)
      AM: Connect to Berlin via train
      PM: Check into hotel, get orientated

      15- 18 Dec (Sun- Weds)
      See Things In Berlin (would be glad for suggestions here)

      19 Dec (Thurs)
      AM Connect to Frankfurt via train
      PM Last minute sightseeing Frankfurt

      20 Dec (Fri)
      AM Fly off from Frankfurt Airport

      Would be grateful for any feedback and/or suggestions.

      12 votes
    22. Discussing AI music - examples and some thoughts

      I'm not sure if this would be better for ~music, ~tech, or what, but after messing around with Udio for a bit, I made some stuff I liked and wanted to get folks' thoughts. Imo, it's incredible to...

      I'm not sure if this would be better for ~music, ~tech, or what, but after messing around with Udio for a bit, I made some stuff I liked and wanted to get folks' thoughts. Imo, it's incredible to be able to get music from a text prompt - it means I, as someone who is mostly ignorant to music production, can have my musical idea and actually render that out as music for someone to hear. I can think "damn that would be cool" and then in kind of a fuzzy way, make it happen then and there. Whether it's good, I don't know. That's not up to me, really, but it is the kind of sound I wanted to happen, so I'm left conflicted on how to feel about it. Figured it would be worthwhile to show folks some of it, and see what they think.

      I do enjoy synth and metal, so there's a lot of that in these. Feel free to be as critical as you like. If I can apply your criticism I will try to do it, and if you want to see how that works out, I'll share.

      1. Cosmoterrestrial
      2. A Floyd, Pinkly
      3. Empire's Demise, Foretold
      4. Metal for Ghosts Bedsheet Edition (the very end of this one is hilariously appropriate)
      5. Multi-3DS Drifting

      And here's a link to my profile, if you would like to browse. It will update too when I put more up.

      They're all instrumental. Lyrical music is less appealing to me in general and Udio's voices do sound kinda weird to me more often than not. The way I made the tracks, I would start with a clip combining some genres/moods, and then add to either end of the clip until I had a complete song. Along the way, I could introduce new elements/transitions by using more text/tweaking various settings and flipping "manual mode" on and off. The results were fuzzy; I didn't always get what I wanted, but I could keep trying until I did, or until I got something that sounded "better". I wrote all the titles after the song was finished. The album art is from a text prompt.

      I'm not sure what I think, to be honest. On the one hand, a lot of the creative decision-making wasn't mine. On the other, the song would not be what it is without me making decisions about how it came about and what feelings/moods/genres were focused upon/utilized. I think the best I can say is "use the tool and see whether it's enough to count". To me it feels almost 50/50, like I've "collaborated with my computer" rather than "made music". Does it matter? If the sound is the intended sound, the sound I hoped to make and wanted to share, is that enough to say it is "my music"? Is this perhaps just what it looks like to be a beginner in a different paradigm?

      When I used Suno, I had a much more rigid opinion. What it produced, I called "computer spit". Because, all I could actually control was telling it to continue, changing the prompt, and giving it structure/genre tags that felt like a coin flip in terms of effectiveness. I had a really hard time trying to get it to keep/recall melody, and my attempts to guide it along felt more like gambling than deliberate decisions. It also couldn't keep enough in context to make the overall song consistent with respect to instrumentation. It's different with Udio, both because you have a lot of additional tools, and because it feels like those tools work more consistently at making the model do what you want. I still call the results "computer spit" where I've shown them off, but I'm unsure now whether the production has enough of myself in it to be something more. Perhaps not on the same level as something someone produced by playing an instrument, or choosing samples/arranging things in software, but also not quite the same as the computer just rolling along, with me going "thumbs up" or "thumbs down". Maybe these distinctions don't actually matter, but I'd be curious if anyone has thoughts along these lines.

      I'm intentionally trying to avoid a discussion about the morality of the thing or what political/social ramifications it has, not because I don't care about that but because I'm in the middle of trying to understand the tool and what its results mean. Would you consider what I've posted here work I could claim as my own, or do you think the computer has enough of a role to say it's not? Is my role in the production large enough? Or perhaps you have a stronger position, that nothing the computer can possibly do in this way counts as original music. Does any of this change that position for you? I ask because I've gone through a lot of opinions myself as I've been following things, and one interesting bit is that I have not gotten any copyright notices when I've uploaded the music to Youtube (I did get notices with Suno's music). As far as I can tell, with what is available to me, this is all original.

      And of course, the most important one: Did you like it? Is there something you think would make them better? Do they all suffer from something I'm not seeing/hearing? I'm not an expert technician nor a music producer, so perhaps my ignorant ears are leading me astray. Either way, I've had a ton of fun doing this, and the results to my ear are fun to listen to while I'm doing stuff. I wouldn't call any of it the best music I've ever heard, but I can also think of a lot that is worse. I think what I wonder the most is whether it comes off bland/plain. Most of the folks I show things to are a bit too caught up in being astounded/disturbed to really give me much feedback, so perhaps putting the request in this form will work out a bit better - ya'll have time to think on it.

      As always, your time and attention is greatly appreciated

      Edit: I should clarify. I am not attempting to be a musician. Hence calling it "computer spit" with anything public, and the lack of any effort to pitch it as something I did only on my own. Rather, I recognize the limit of my own understanding, and felt I'd hit a point where my ignorance of production meant I could not judge the results as well as I'd like. That means it's time to engage some folks because folks out there are likely to know what I do not and see things I can't. From that angle, a lot of the discussion is very interesting, and I'll be responding to those in a bit. But there's no need to argue for doing the work - I recognize that. I'm trying to see past my own horizons with a medium I don't put the work into. I'm a consumer of music, not a creator, so getting some perspective from folks more acquainted with creating and with the technology is really what I'm after in sharing the experience.


      Edit again: Thank you all for a very interesting discussion. I had a spare evening/morning and this was a good use of it. For the sake of tying a bow on the whole thing, I'll share my takeaways as succinctly as I can manage.

      It seems, at present, and at best, the role these tools can play is of a sort of personal noise generator. The output is not of sufficient interest, quality, complexity, etc., to really be regarded the same as human-produced music, is the overall impression I have been left with. And for other reasons, it may be that the fuzziness of it all is a permanent feature, and thus a permanent constraint on how far toward "authentic" the results can ever get. I was trying to avoid a discussion about my own creativity, the value of doing work, societal ramifications, etc., so I'll work on how to present things better. For what it's worth, this has all been part of what I do creatively - my area of study was philosophy, and the goal of that to my mind has always been "achieving clarity". So I am attempting to achieve clarity with things as they develop, as a hobby sort of interest while I'm busy doing completely different stuff and to better protect my own mind against dumb marketing and hype. So once again, I appreciate you all taking the time, and I wish you all well in all the things you do.

      24 votes
    23. How does one engage in criticism of Israel without stooping to anti-semitic tropes?

      I write this topic knowing that it might get removed for being too controversial or incendiary or bring the anti-Semites out of the woodwork, in which case, I understand why this topic might get...

      I write this topic knowing that it might get removed for being too controversial or incendiary or bring the anti-Semites out of the woodwork, in which case, I understand why this topic might get removed.

      I am just hoping that tildes has a better capacity of engaging in such a charged topic, at least more than reddit.

      onto my question:

      Like anyone else who watches the news, I have been pretty aware of what is going on in the latest escalation of the Israel-Palestine war. I would not claim to be the most educated person ever, but I'd like to think I at least understand the broad-strokes.

      And I consider myself generally a progressive person (not a liberal) so I personally am not a big fan of the Israeli govt. And yes I do condemn Hamas, I don't care what your struggle is, Oct 7th was a terror attack and only makes the situation worse for the people you claim to be freedom fighters for.

      Having said all that, and seeing how much control Israel seems to have on the western powers, or specifically U.S., I will admit, my thoughts sometimes veer towards "they really do control things" and shit like that, but then 10 seconds later, I realize how ye-like that sounds and it's the exact same kind of thinking that led to the Holocaust. But then I also wonder if that is not entirely my fault and more because of the Jewish leaders who insist on making fervent support of Israel a strong part of their identity, thereby linking any criticism of the Israeli govt with criticism of Jewish people (or at least the Jewish leaders in the media who are supportive of Israel) rather than distancing themselves from a right-wing government.

      So yea, I guess my question is: I don't think its entirely unreasonable to think that Israel has a surprising amount of control over western powers (specifically U.S.) but that sentiment in and of itself also veers dangerously close to antisemitism for my liking so I wondered how folks on here approach it?

      38 votes
    24. Watching my female tenant's life come apart - a dilemma

      Ive been in the home rental business for 35 years, enough time to see the same scenario before, but it leaves me just as vexed this time as it has before. The issue is a young couple, about 23...

      Ive been in the home rental business for 35 years, enough time to see the same scenario before, but it leaves me just as vexed this time as it has before.

      The issue is a young couple, about 23 years old, who have been together for a year. She is openly and admittedly 'madly in love' with her boyfriend, going so far as to announce on the initial walk through, that they want the suite because "its so quiet and peaceful and we are going to have a baby here" A bit too much information.

      They were fine during the interview, and all their checks were passable - both former landlords I contacted gave them a thumbs up for paying their rent on time and keeping the place clean. Everything was fine except for his credit score which was very poor - but thats not unusual for someone that young who is still learning how to control their finances.

      There is another young couple in the lower suite and they met and exchanged pleasantries and seemed to hit it off initially. But one week in, I got the first text from the basement tenants saying that there was yelling and screaming upstairs. I was startled because it seemed unusual compared to the public face they presented. I asked the tenants to inform me if it happened again. Maybe it was just one very bad day I hoped.

      It did happen again. The next day at 5 am they were shouting so loudly that I could hear them over the basement tenants phone. I asked the tenants to call the police because it was domestic violence. They were about to call when everything went quiet again and they chose to wait.

      There was a lull for a bit and then the third week I got an early morning text again. This time they were not only yelling at each other, they were screaming at another couple, friends supposedly, who were staying with them. There was loud banging and "it sounded like chairs being thrown around"

      I told them to call the police, which they did this time but by the time the police arrived everything was calm again. Moments after they left though, everything erupted and the two guys ended up in a fight on the back lawn, Fists went flying and someone got punched although at this point its unclear who punched whom.

      The police were called back and according to the account I got, the boyfriend was arrested. He says he wasn't and the police wont give me the report without his permission.

      So yesterday I went to talk to them and inspect the house. I cant see any visible damage however it could easily be hidden by the goods piled against the wall, they're still unpacking as they've only been in for a month.

      And then my dilemma begins. I KNOW this is a toxic relationship. Ive met this kind of guy before. Smooth talker, good looking, believes he can charm anyone any time. When I told him about the three reports of excessive noise and violence his first reaction was "it won't happen again" and his second was "I will call the other tenants and explain, Im sure we can work this out"

      No buddy, no you cant. Because you're an abuser. And you'll do what all abusers do. You'll try to quiet the noise for a time, try to make your girlfriend use a forced whisper instead of an open cry, but it will only be a matter of a week or two and you're going to lose your temper again and we'll be right back where we are now, but probably even worse, because your character has been exposed.

      And then I struggle with my place as a landlord but also as a caring human. I LIKE these people. They were charming and fun to get to know. I did extra work for them, getting new appliances in place because she's a specialty cook and loves to be in the kitchen. I made sure everything was 100% because I wanted them to be happy and have a nice place for them and if it happened, their new baby.

      But now Im very concerned for her future. She doesnt seem to realize just how deep she is into this toxic mess of a relationship. His comment was 'we fight like most couples' and I abruptly cut him off: "NO! NOT like most couples! Most couples dont wake up the neighbors at 5 am with a screaming match and have a fist fight on the lawn where the cops get called" He looked slightly sheepish for a second and then went right back to his charm defense, saying he would work it out and they just needed 'another chance'.

      The reason I think I may want to say more is because of Mercedes. She and her boyfriend rented from me about 10 years ago. It was the same scenario - charming, good looking but very angry boyfriend who lost his temper and went around the house damaging walls and smashing a porcelain sink. He was so rabid I actually brought a friend along to give them their eviction notice because I feared for my safety. That wasnt unjustified and his rage was palpable and extremely scary.

      But when he was out of the room I asked Mercedes if she was ok. She said she was nervous, scared, but ok. I said 'I hope you're not going to go with him when he leaves' and she shook her head. The light bulb had come on. "No, the second he's out the door Im out of here. I hope I never see him again." Thank god she was finally seeing things clearly.

      I came across her again a year ago online and just sent a friendly hello and if she remembered me and the house. She not only remembered me, she thanked me for helping her escape her hellish relationship. She said she was now in a very good and loving relationship and she couldn't believe how blind she was to even move in with Mr. Toxic in the first place. She said their eviction was a important turning point in her life.

      And I see Mercedes in this new tenant. Im just not sure she realizes what she's got herself into. Or else she does and she's not sure how to get out because I cant imagine how violent his reaction would be if she tried to leave.

      Which leaves me stuck. They are new to this area. They said they dont have many friends and family is a long way away, so there's no one close who is seeing what the basement tenants and I saw. And we're not sure what to do. The basement tenants are so scared of him they dont even want to be in the same house.

      What do you say or not say to someone in this situation? Saying nothing seems irresponsible. Saying too much seems dangerous at least to her safety. So... what do you do? How do I figure out if she even wants help? And if I say something too soon, or too late, he may turn on her and get even more violent...

      69 votes
    25. Toilet/plumbing upgrades

      Not sure if this is a "home improvement" topic, but I didn't see anywhere else relevant this would fit so I am going to drop it here. I've lived in the same place for around 12 years now. Before I...

      Not sure if this is a "home improvement" topic, but I didn't see anywhere else relevant this would fit so I am going to drop it here.

      I've lived in the same place for around 12 years now. Before I moved in, the place was owned by one other person for around 10 years. The place is probably ~20 years old. I have two toilets in the house. About 5 years after I moved in, the flushing mechanisms on one of the toilets stopped working and I inspected it and it looked like the bobber/float switch was busted to the point where when it got to max height, the water flow wouldn't shut off.

      I pulled up a couple articles on the internet and it seemed like the parts were pretty straight forward to replace. So I went to Lowes, got the replacement parts needed and a few hours later, toilet was fixed. No big deal. About a year later the other toilet started acting up in the same manner so I just did the same thing. Both toilets had the original parts in them. They were all metal parts. The replacement parts were a brand called "FluidMaster" and I didn't really think much of it at the time. The replacement parts were almost entirely plastic.

      So fast forward to today, and I have replaced the innards of the toilets on a fairly routine basis. It seems like every 18 months or so, I am having to replace the innards of the toilets because the float switch starts to fail. I came home from a day vacation on Saturday evening to find that one of the toilets was running and for god knows how long. I open the lid and sure enough, bobber is at the top, but the float switch hadn't disabled the water flow so the toilet just keeps running. I turned off the water to it and made a note that I'll have to go back to Lowes and pick up more parts. This will be the fourth or fifth replacement I've had to do on it.

      What's going on here? Why are these float switches in these kits breaking so frequently? Does anyone else have this problem? Am I just buying the wrong parts continuously? Is there a better set of parts that I can buy to correct this issue?

      9 votes
    26. Pride Month at Tildes: #1 - Introductions and Playlist

      Event Overview June 1st marks the beginning of Pride Month for many countries around the world, and we're going to have our own little celebration here on Tildes! I have come up with ten different...

      Event Overview

      June 1st marks the beginning of Pride Month for many countries around the world, and we're going to have our own little celebration here on Tildes!

      I have come up with ten different discussion topics centered on sharing, celebrating, and understanding queer life and experiences. I will post one every four days throughout the month of June.

      Everyone is welcome to participate. This includes allies! You do not need to identify as LGBT in order to join in the topics. Also, I will use "queer" and "LGBT" interchangeably as umbrella terms to refer to all minority sexualities and gender identities. These are intended to be explicitly inclusive.


      Schedule

      I won't reveal everything upfront, but with each post I will give a teaser for what's next:

      June 1st: Introductions and Playlist
      June 4th: (teaser: you might have to look back in time a little bit)
      June 7th:
      June 10th:
      June 13th:
      June 16th:
      June 19th:
      June 22nd:
      June 25th:
      June 28th:


      #1 - Introductions and Playlist

      This is the inaugural post -- the beginning of our little month-long discussion topic Pride Parade!

      There are two tasks for this post:

      1. Introduce yourself to everyone and share any information about yourself that you feel comfortable sharing. Who are you? How do you identify? What’s important for people to know about you? Are you excited about anything? Are you doing anything for Pride Month IRL?

      2. A good Pride Month needs a good Pride Playlist! Link to some of your favorite queer-themed songs or tracks from LGBT artists so that we can crowdsource an awesome collection of music to listen to throughout the month.


      If for whatever reason you would not like to see these topics in your feed, add pride month at tildes to your personal tag filters.

      55 votes
    27. Mini split confusion (efficiency and sizing)

      I'm right on the edge of buying a mini split for our shop space and I'm having a bout of indecisiveness. To preface, we are located in south/central Texas. The shop is a standalone structure, is...

      I'm right on the edge of buying a mini split for our shop space and I'm having a bout of indecisiveness.

      To preface, we are located in south/central Texas. The shop is a standalone structure, is fairly well insulated but has a 2-car garage door and a single-pane window, so it isn't ideal. It's 625sqft with 9 foot ceilings. We have various tools that will be in use but nothing that creates excessive heat.

      We are quite limited in funds so I'm not going with an HVAC company, nor am I going with a mr cool or other diy friendly unit due to cost. I'm capable to do the install myself, I'm not overly concerned about that.

      I was originally looking at the 18k (1.5ton) senville leto. I ran various calculators and they all suggested this size would be enough up to 1000sqft or so. However, since I have 9 ft ceilings and I live in a hot climate and I have the big door and crappy window, the calculations pushed my 625sqft up to around 900 or so equivalent sqft in some cases and in others as high as 1200.

      Due to my circumstances, I think I've convinced myself to move up to the 24k unit instead. I don't think it's too over provisioned for my specific scenario but I would like to hear your thoughts on how off the mark I am here.

      Apart from size, there's also the question of efficiency. The other model I was looking at is the Aura by senville, and the difference is a higher seer2 rating and energy star certification.

      Now, doing rough math, the difference in efficiency would be paid off by the savings of the more efficient unit in something like 8 or 9 years based on projected usage and my energy costs. I'm a pessimistic person and don't expect this unit to last 8-10 years. This is a cheap way to get the space comfortable to work in so that my side business can progress, and I would think if it's still going in that amount of time, I'll be able to afford a nicer unit by then.

      However, after saying all that, I do notice that the capabilities of the Aura unit are greater. It is advertised to work in -20f weather while the leto works in as low as 5f.

      Now, being in Texas, my primary concern is cooling, not heating, but no where can I find if the Aura system is more capable in hotter weather like it is in colder weather. This is slightly concerning because it seems most people use these primarily as heat sources and secondarily as cooling sources, and my situation is reversed.

      Does anyone have any input as to whether the higher efficiency system will make a noticable difference in cooling performance when it's 110f outside?

      Thanks for weathering my wall of text.

      14 votes
    28. Generic preventitive healthcare advice wanted

      Thanks to an emergency that resulted in an unexpected surgery, I have reached my health insurance maximum out-of-pocket expense. For those with sane healthcare systems, it basically means that I...

      Thanks to an emergency that resulted in an unexpected surgery, I have reached my health insurance maximum out-of-pocket expense. For those with sane healthcare systems, it basically means that I will not be charged for any additional healthcare I receive for the rest of the year as long as it's covered (i.e. no cosmetics or "just for funsies"). I'm expecting a $6,000 bill in the mail, so I'm looking to take as much advantage of this as I possibly can, starting with some minor issues that I've been sitting on for a while.

      I'll have to ask my doctor for their referral for anything, but I was wondering if there were any preventative healthcare services I should specifically ask for? I'm already going to be making an appointment for a regular physical - something I'm ashamed to say that I don't regularly do. I'm going to ask the doctor this same question but I figured I'd come up with a checklist just to make sure I don't miss out on anything.

      17 votes
    29. Tildes as a bug tracker

      I've seriously been thinking about this for.... four years. There might even be a comment somewhere in my long history of using this place about it. But, I think tildes could be a fantastic and...

      I've seriously been thinking about this for.... four years. There might even be a comment somewhere in my long history of using this place about it.

      But, I think tildes could be a fantastic and perfect tool as a bug/feature/discussion/news tracker for both software and hardware projects. The only thing that would need to change is displaying a number index on each post.

      To the developers and tinkers out there, what else do you think would be needed feature-wise? Tags are quite versatile, and if we got the #tag.children visible only search working it would work great for setting priorities, etc.

      Has anyone been able to spin up tildes on their own system? I tried about two or so years ago to work on this very slight modification, but never was able to get it going.

      19 votes
    30. Looking for some guidance for SEO for a small business

      Hi Tildes! My significant other works in a mom and pop veterinary practice (litteraly : one manages cattle care and the other manages pets (i. e. cats and dogs)) . They are going to retirement, so...

      Hi Tildes!

      My significant other works in a mom and pop veterinary practice (litteraly : one manages cattle care and the other manages pets (i. e. cats and dogs)) . They are going to retirement, so she's gonna take over along with a colleague (only for the pets part though). The practice is located in a mid-sized town (for Switzerland at least) ; it's big enough to support a couple more practices, not enough to feel that much competitive pressure (in fact all but one practice share the night and weekend on-call duties).

      I volunteered to build her a new website, since the name doesn't match the new structure they're creating (it basically goes from "John and Jane Smith Veterinary Practice" to "VetPun Ltd" ), and also because the old website has a dated early 2000s vibe.

      There no plan yet to integrate their practice management software to the website (it's also an ancien piece of tech, they are keen to replace it some day), so it's going to be a couple of static pages for now.

      This is technically well within my range (I'm a full stack dev, for such a small thing it's probably going to be a Github Page; although a small Digital Ocean droplet is not out of question), but I mainly work on B2B and have no idea how to do SEO.

      Here's what's in my checklist

      • Redirect the old website to the new one
      • Register in the Google Business directory
      • Register in the local business directory
      • Register in Google Maps
      • Modify the entry in Openstreet Map
      • Follow those guide for the website itself:
      • Ads: we plan some ads on local newspaper, and adwords for a limited time (and targeting people local to the area of course).
        • I guess I should also do Facebook? Does that overlap with Instagram? (I'm not a regular user of either of them, although I do have to use Facebook for some LARP event)
      • Analytics : say that I integrate Google Analytics, what kind of actionnable item can I expect out of it? Can I get the same kind of data using a self hosted solution? It has been years since I used it in my now defunct blog back in my teenage days, so I expect some change compared to 2008.

      Am I missing something?

      8 votes
    31. May 2024 Backlog Burner: Week 5(ish) Discussion

      The event is almost over! Only three days left! Post your current/final bingo cards, and get those last few games in before the deadline! A final discussion topic and complete recap will go up on...

      The event is almost over!

      Only three days left!

      Post your current/final bingo cards, and get those last few games in before the deadline!

      A final discussion topic and complete recap will go up on June 1st once the event is officially over.

      Quick links:


      Week 4 Recap

      8 participants moved 31 games(!!!) out of their backlogs!
      There were 3 bingo wins! (1 golf, and 2 standard)
      Congratulations to @aphoenix, @Wes, and @kfwyre!

      • 1 participant played free choice
      • 5 participants played standard bingo cards
      • 2 participants played bingo golf

      Thus far, a total of 80 games have been played for the May 2024 Backlog Burner.

      Week 4 Game List:

      Week 3 Recap

      Week 3 Recap

      8 participants moved 16 games out of their backlogs!
      There were 0 bingo wins (but we are SO close!).

      • 2 participants played free choice
      • 4 participants played standard bingo cards
      • 2 participants played bingo golf

      One participant played a game they had been putting off for 14 years!

      Thus far, a total of 49 games have been played for the May 2024 Backlog Burner.

      Week 3 Game List:

      Week 2 Recap

      Week 2 Recap

      10 participants moved 18 games out of their backlogs!
      There were 0 bingo wins.

      • 1 participant played free choice
      • 7 participants played standard bingo cards
      • 2 participants played bingo golf

      Thus far, a total of 33 games have been played for the May 2024 Backlog Burner.

      Week 2 Game List:

      Week 1 Recap

      Week 1 Recap

      10 participants played 10 bingo cards and moved 15 games out of their backlogs!
      There were 0 bingo wins.

      Game list:

      12 votes
    32. Advice on sharpening skills for career pivot

      After spending a couple years in management I want to get back into more individual contributor roles. It's where I can apply the skills I actually enjoy. Preferably I'd work as a dev or data...

      After spending a couple years in management I want to get back into more individual contributor roles. It's where I can apply the skills I actually enjoy. Preferably I'd work as a dev or data scientist, but what I want is to spend time solving technical/mathematical problems and less herding cats and politicking.

      EDIT: US with ability to relocate; willing to take a paycut.

      Background
      • About 9 years as lead dev in a start up (2004-2013). It was the golden era of 2005 when we started and I got the role strictly on skills I developed as a teenager. The start up failed shortly after I left but an associated passion project has lived on. In this role I built video streaming software client side, server side, web apps, and iOS apps. I used C#, javascript/node, mongodb, redis, SQL, PHP, objective-c, and C++ as well as functioning as sys admin and webmaster. Pretty much solo dev except for a contractor or intern occasionally.
      • Went back to school (homeschooled, no high school so I needed some pieces of paper), BS-MS-PHD, in mathematics (number theory) and published several papers. One of which launched a bit of a cottage industry for my collaborators. I haven't been involved post graduation but get updates when friends see me cited at conferences, etc. Wrote more domain specific stuff (Python, MAGMA, GAP).
      • During my last year of grad school I got very jaded towards the grind I saw before me that more that likely ended with a job at a teaching school making less than I wanted. Pretty much as soon as I made my intentions public covid happened so I was job searching during 2020 while finishing my doctorate.
      • Got my break early 2021, an entry level data analyst role for a major corpo. In this role I had a lot of time to just explore data, find patterns, test out some of the ideas friend in topological data analysis were thinking about, tested early ML models. Pretty much strictly Python and SQL. Went to manager in 2022 and then People Analytics Director in 2023.

      Current plans:

      • Attend more meet ups, there are a couple about an hour south of me. Hoping to build some connections with the local industry.
      • Private server and website stood up, plan to host projects etc here for interested parties.
      • Runs through exercism.io to refresh on some stuff.
      • Find some open source projects to contribute on? There is also a local group of indie game devs, perhaps offer my services where possible.

      So my question to you all is how would you go about sharpening skills and building up a portfolio?

      11 votes
    33. 3D printing - A beginner's observations and some practical applications

      tl;dr: 3D printing won't change your life but it will make your life 1% better in unexpected ways. Last year, I spent a year-long work trip with someone who was very into 3D printing. To be frank,...

      tl;dr: 3D printing won't change your life but it will make your life 1% better in unexpected ways.

      Last year, I spent a year-long work trip with someone who was very into 3D printing. To be frank, I initially had zero interest in it. From what I understood of 3D printing, it was expensive, required mechanical experience, coding knowledge, and ultimately not worth what you put into it.

      Fortunately, my colleague didn't care what I thought about his hobby and bought a cheap printer to keep himself occupied during downtime at work. Originally, it was just something that occasionally made noise in the background. As the days went on, however, more and more doodads began to appear around the office. A cable organizer here, a desk decoration there; nothing earth-shattering.

      The thing that really changed my mind, funny enough, was a simple powder scooper. During our trip, we shared a terribly designed creatine bottle with a narrow neck and no scooper. We spent months pouring out white powder by eyesight alone like amateur crackheads and I will never buy this bottle again. My colleague printed out a scooper with a long neck and the problem went away.

      That was the key turnaround that changed my mindset - I had a problem; we printed a solution.

      I got back from my trip and decided to try it out myself. After some serious deliberation on how committed I was to this, I purchased the Bambu P1S. It’s not the cheapest option for someone just starting and I chose a Bambu printer because a Youtuber argued that your best way to have fun as a beginner was to pick a printer that “just worked.” It was a compelling enough reason for me to shell $900. (no, I’m not sponsored, just telling my story.)

      Some of my favorite prints:

      • Long Scooper: the one that started it all for me. This scooper saved us a ridiculous amount of time and effort for what it is. It also gets to the heart of what 3D printing is to me - solving your individual problems with simple solutions.

      • Pill Organizer: it’s got a lever that spins a wheel around, opening a different chamber for each day of the week. This one really opened my eyes to what is mechanically possible with just basic PLA plastic. People much smarter than me figured out ways to print devices with hinges, springs, and levers all without needing a single extra tool.

      • Scour Pad Holder: This is the one that made most people around me go, “huh, that’s pretty neat.” You’re right, it is. No one likes touching a moist scour pad.

      • Slide Wallet: I spent $74 on a SECRID cardslide wallet. While I don’t regret that purchase - I used it faithfully for four years ongoing - I did feel a bit foolish when I realized I could 3D print the same mechanism for $1.50.

      That’s not to say anything about the decorative / gifting aspect of 3D printing either. I 3D printed a giant Charizard for my friend’s son the size of his head in eight hours.

      That said, there is a mechanical learning curve to even the most user-friendly printers. With the Bambu series, I’d say that if you’ve ever built IKEA furniture or a 100+ piece Lego, assembly is pretty straightforward. It’s the troubleshooting that will get you. Even with basic filament and simple projects, I still encountered the nozzle clogging, filament stuck in the pipes, and bed adhesion problems.

      This is a hobby that requires you to be willing to experiment and look up solutions. From what I understand, some printer brands are tougher than others so the learning curve will vary depending on your gear. I quickly learned that there’s numerous ways your print will mess up and your project will look like what the community calls the “spaghetti monster.” Unless you’re a born tinkerer, this is probably the most frustrating part of the process. However, accumulating knowledge to diagnose and solve the problem is very rewarding. I learned that the third slot on a Bambu machine is statistically more likely to jam and 0.5 kg spools are more likely to clog than 1.0 kg ones. Turns out that a lithophane needs to be printed vertically and only looks good with a white filament.

      Overall, I enjoyed my time with my 3D printer and I don’t regret my purchase at all. It’s a hobby that provides near-instant gratification - you find the thing you want to print - or design it yourself - and boom, it’s sitting on your printer in a couple of hours. While I’m just taking files from the community and printing the .stl file, the skill ceiling is also very high once you add hardware to your projects (e.g. screws, ball bearings, Raspberry Pi). I’m going to continue to learn and I’m excited about where I can take this machine.

      Some questions for the community:

      1. If you have a 3D printer, how deep in the rabbit hole are you? Are you making your own CAD files?
      2. What’s your favorite print? If you don’t own a printer, what’s a cool 3D print that stands out in your mind?
      3. What’s a problem in your life where you think you could 3D print a solution?
      32 votes
    34. I wet the bed late into my teens and I have no idea why

      So I continued to wet the bed way past 7 and I have no idea why. different family members chalked it up to different reason: I am lazy I am a very deep sleeper I have a very anxious personality...

      So I continued to wet the bed way past 7 and I have no idea why.

      different family members chalked it up to different reason:

      1. I am lazy
      2. I am a very deep sleeper
      3. I have a very anxious personality
      4. bladder issues

      Amongst other things.

      One thing I can see being a cause was that I was not raised in a peaceful household. It was a very violent household. not in the sense of physical violence like broken arms and such, more as in lots of yelling and screaming and things like that. My family really didn't know how to communicate well.

      But I was not the only child raised in my household and I was the only one who wet the bed.

      Anyways, different thing were tried, things to supposedly "fix" my bladder. shaming, etc. Growing up, my family had to always wake me up at around 4 or 5 am and take me to the bathroom, otherwise there was a good chance I'd wet the bed.

      I personally was getting worried that it was a problem I'd have forever and it'd be an impediment to my social life (as in no sleepovers and etc (not that I had had friends at that age anyways)).

      But I did start to notice that once I got into high school, it started happening less and less. Still did happen, but just wasn't as common. Then, I remember the last time it happened was when I was either in grade 10 or 11 but I am pretty sure grade 10.

      Then that was it.

      It just stopped on its own.

      Weird thing is, I changed nothing about myself.

      I'd still classify myself as lazy and a very deep sleeper and I still have an incredibly anxious personality.

      The only thing that changed is that when I am asleep, and as my bladder is filling up, something in my bladder (or my brain) instead of just releasing, would instead block the urine until I wake up in pain and go to the bathroom. The change really caught my attention when I woke up with a really full bladder like 2-3 years ago and I remembered how a little over 10 years ago (I am in my 30s), no way my body would've reacted to it by holding it in involuntarily until I woke up.

      I tried doing a bit of googling to figure out what parts of the body are involved in the process of holding in one's pee overnight to try and see what are the possible reasons for the change to occur so late in me to no avail.

      I am forever curious what happened in my body to make that change happen so late but not sure I will ever know.

      20 votes
    35. Pacific Highway trip from San Francisco to San Diego on a motorcycle

      Hi friends! I know part of the Pacific Highway are broken right now, but I was just wondering if there was any tips/places to stop at on a trip from San Fran to San Diego that I'm planning on next...

      Hi friends!

      I know part of the Pacific Highway are broken right now, but I was just wondering if there was any tips/places to stop at on a trip from San Fran to San Diego that I'm planning on next month. (More specifically for a motorcycle trip, which comes with it's own interesting routes and stuff)

      I've always wanted to do the journey, so me and a friend are planning on going from SF -> LA over 2 days, and I'm planning on taking the bike down to SD after staying in LA for a couple of days by myself afterwards!

      19 votes
    36. Just wanna talk about drinking less

      I don't want to say I'm an alcoholic but I might be. Over the last several years, my drinking has increased from once or twice a week to daily, to the point where I'd start my day off in the...

      I don't want to say I'm an alcoholic but I might be. Over the last several years, my drinking has increased from once or twice a week to daily, to the point where I'd start my day off in the weekend with a drink. I knew it wasn't good, but it was a habit I fell into.

      Obviously I'm aware enough about it to do something. I've quit smoking cigarettes, so I at least understand the quitting process, but I also don't want to (and don't think I could) give up drinking forever like I did with quitting cigarettes.

      My wife is also a drinker, but is much more moderated about it. Thing is, it meant that even if I didn't buy drinks for me, there's always been drinks in the house and so... I drank that. I've finally convinced her that for financial and dietary reasons it would be beneficial to us to stop buying drinks for at home. For my own self, I know that if I don't have a drink around I just won't drink.

      This works great but, I find myself lost and listless now! It's a frustrating feeling that I remember well from when I was quitting cigarettes, and I know I just need to work through those moments and keep myself busy otherwise. With the nice weather, I've been biking a lot more and spending more time outside with my kids. At night is when it's toughest - those times after everyone else is asleep and before I go to bed.

      I'm not really looking for advice or anything, I just want to share somewhere my experience so far, because it feels good to write about it and express my feelings. Maybe it'll help.

      Also if anyone has a suggestion for something to replace beer, I'd appreciate it. I don't like fruity, or soft drinks. Currently I'm getting by with enormous amounts of sparkling water but sometimes I want some flavor, but most drinks that aren't beer are cloyingly sweet and disgusting.

      74 votes
    37. Housing market predictions

      Wife and I are going through the home buying process in what most people would call a low cost of living area. For reference, homes are about 180-400k where I live in New York State. I heard the...

      Wife and I are going through the home buying process in what most people would call a low cost of living area. For reference, homes are about 180-400k where I live in New York State.

      I heard the horror stories but I had no idea how bad the issue is. I'll get to that in a minute.

      I am curious what's going to happen with housing. Because on one hand, it seems like it's going to continue to rise until there is genuinely no such thing as middle-class home ownership. On the other hand, I see some troubling signs that remind me of a bubble.

      The housing market will continue to be unaffordable
      -I keep hearing that it's a supply issue. That we need to double the number of houses for things to get better. I also hear this isn't happening and that immigration is a factor. Sounds like a dog whistle but I'm curious if there is any truth to this.

      -Other developed nations are worse. Many have 40-50 year mortgages and some countries even have multi-generational mortgages. This shows that it could get worse.

      -Companies and wealthy individuals trying to make us all rent forever. Of course they would like nothing more and they'll probably keep working on this.

      The current market is not sustainable

      -There is a feeding frenzy on every single home that goes for sale in my area. Total shit boxes with sagging roofs are selling no problem and way above asking.

      -The bank approved my wife and I for way too much money. We have student loans and daycare costs. The amount they approved us for would absolutely put us in the negatives every month. I thought that wasn't supposed to happen anymore. It feels strange and reckless for the banks to do that. For reference, we make about 100k/year combined but student loans and childcare take up a significant chunk of that. They approved us for $300k to get a home. We could get a $2400/mo* mortgage, which immediately wipes out 50% of our take-home pay. We ran a budget and even avoiding any purchases that aren't literal necessities, we would be running a deficit every month. We could never buy a shirt, a baby toy, a makeup product, a movie ticket, or even a pair of shoes and we would still be in the negative. Nevermind what would happen if one of our very modest, very used vehicles needed to be replaced or repaired. Obviously we didn't bid anything near 300k on any home. Wife's mom offered to front some inheritance money (give my wife some money now and then just leave the inheritance to her sister to make up for it) and we weren't even close still.

      -When did a married nurse and teacher become completely priced out of the market? Is that a sign of a normal and healthy market? Now, to be fair, my wife could increase her salary if she wanted to go back to working in the emergency room. She doesn't want to do that while we have a baby at home and I understand that completely. But you would think we would be able to afford something.

      I am clearly speaking from a position of relative privilege here. I recognize that. I grew up in a foreclosed and auctioned home that was old and small. My parents moved to an economically depressed town to get that house because they had no money and no help. There was no "borrowing a few grand from an inheritance" for them and if my wife wasn't in the picture that would never be an option for me either. I think my wife and I are doing a lot better than many other people in this area. What are couples who work at Amazon doing? Just saying fuck it and renting forever?

      Anyway, I'm half venting and half asking. What is the actual endgame here for Americans? What happens next?

      36 votes
    38. Just bought Philips SHP9500 headphones and am underwhelmed

      I have a KZ ZSN Pro IEM and it's been going strong for 4+ years. I also have a cheap Bluetooth QCY IEM that I use for podcasts and when I don't want wires tangling me. Whenever I change from the...

      I have a KZ ZSN Pro IEM and it's been going strong for 4+ years.

      I also have a cheap Bluetooth QCY IEM that I use for podcasts and when I don't want wires tangling me.

      Whenever I change from the Bluetooth QCY to the wired KZ I am in awe. The KZ ZSN Pro is a blast to listen to. Specially metal. The definition, the sound of the bass drums, everything is clear and powerful.

      So I decided to try some entry level open back headphones and bought the SHP9500 that was cheap on Aliexpress recently. I thought I would find it even better since a lot of people sang it's praise for the price, but I am underwhelmed.

      I find my KZ to have way more definition and power.

      Also I need to up the volume of my smartphone quite a bit compared to the IEMs. It is near max volume.

      Of course they are different beasts and the IEMs are literally inside my head. I don't really know what I expected.

      I'm sure beyerdinamic or other more expensive brands might be better, but I don't feel like going down that path.

      I'm going to keep the SHP9500 for a week more to see if I like it for different situations, but for now I am not amused.

      7 votes
    39. Am I alone in thinking that we're bouncing back from a highly technological future?

      I have this notion that we're entering a new fuzzy era of rejecting the hyper technological stream that we've been on since the 90's. I notice people now wanting to use their phones for longer...

      I have this notion that we're entering a new fuzzy era of rejecting the hyper technological stream that we've been on since the 90's. I notice people now wanting to use their phones for longer (e.g. not replacing them every 2 years because it's the trend) and I feel there's a push back towards certain things like touchscreens in cars being reverted back to clicky buttons.

      Sure, there are these crazy developments happening in science. A.I. is changing so fast it's hard to keep up with, and we're going back to the moon! (I say we because it's a human endeavor goddamn it).

      But there also seems to be this realization that we might have strained Earth a little too much and that we need to tend to Earth, and ourselves a little bit more.

      For reference, I'm a millennial born in '89.

      50 votes
    40. If you had up to US$250 to get one person into a hobby you're interested in, what would you do to get them started?

      Just a thought exercise to see how you'd go about getting someone started from scratch. The person could be your nephew, a spouse, a coworker, or someone on the internet who needs a new hobby. :)...

      Just a thought exercise to see how you'd go about getting someone started from scratch. The person could be your nephew, a spouse, a coworker, or someone on the internet who needs a new hobby. :) I'm curious how that money would get spent and how that money might spend time. How far would it go? How would you make that time and money count towards a new passion?

      Would you buy someone a small motorcycle? Polaroid camera? Time at a bouldering facility? Would you make/give them a really cool sewing station with a bunch of cubbies? A shoebox full of your MtG cards (just the extras, right?) and a ticket to a convention? A custom printed set of LEGO building instructions and the bricks to go with them? Outsider art to inspire a new style of artist passion?


      If this is a success, I might post again in a month or so with a lower dollar value to challenge folks.

      101 votes
    41. Tildes Book Club discussion - May 2024 - The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin

      This is the third of an ongoing series of book discussions here on Tildes. We are discussing the Dispossessed. Our next book will be Project Hail Mary around the end of June. I don't have a...

      This is the third of an ongoing series of book discussions here on Tildes. We are discussing the Dispossessed.
      Our next book will be Project Hail Mary around the end of June.

      I don't have a particular format in mind for this discussion, but I will post some prompts and questions as comments to get things started. You're not obligated to respond to them or vote on them though. So feel free to make your own top-level comment for whatever you wish to discuss, questions you have of others, or even just to post a review of the book you have written yourself.

      For latecomers, don't worry if you didn't read the book in time for this Discussion topic. You can always join in once you finish it. Tildes Activity sort, and "Collapse old comments" feature should keep the topic going for as long as people are still replying.
      And for anyone uninterested in this topic please use the Ignore Topic feature on this so it doesn't keep popping up in your Activity sort, since it's likely to keep doing that while I set this discussion up, and once people start joining in.

      25 votes
    42. Some thoughts on cleaning up my shitty apartment

      So, I have some crap lying on the floor. Not crap in the sence that it goes straight to recycling, just lots of tidbits which I don't exactly know what to do with; semi-sorted papers, notebooks,...

      So, I have some crap lying on the floor. Not crap in the sence that it goes straight to recycling, just lots of tidbits which I don't exactly know what to do with; semi-sorted papers, notebooks, various VR gear, some books which I don't really have room for in my bookcase, some folders where some of the papers should probably go into, my laptop, a stone which I guess I use for weightlifting except I forget to do that, and when I see all this stuff, my brain just shortcircuits.

      So I decided that, okay, I can just ignore this and try tidying up this shelf which I had tried to make into a sort of cabinet of curiosities but which over time had degenerated into a bit of mess; a LCD game, the box to said LCD game, vintage headphones, vintage phone, retro Nokia mobile, beach glass, fossils, various stones, some mess which doesn't really belongs here, a cat skull (I think) ... and of course, the same thing happened. My brain just said nope, too much to deal with.

      I know there are ways to go about it. If getting my apartment in a habitable state is too much, I can ignore all of it and just focusing on one room. If my coding project seem to overwhelming, I can decide on a alpha milestone to work towards and based on that make a bucket list of the tasks and start with the most basic one, and if the first one is too overwhelming, split it up into sub-tasks. So there are some tried-and-true ways to deal with it.

      But for the first time, I started to wonder what exactly goes on with the brain here? Why does something consisting of a relatively small number of sub-tasks seem so overwhelmingly hard? Is it like that for everyone, does it have a name, what?

      30 votes
    43. Privacy woes and autonomy, where do I go now?

      I'm very sorry, but this is going to be rant. One that may seem to come up almost daily, but I still feel the need to vent. Every day I feel like I'm jumping through hoops to keep a little bit of...

      I'm very sorry, but this is going to be rant. One that may seem to come up almost daily, but I still feel the need to vent.

      Every day I feel like I'm jumping through hoops to keep a little bit of privacy and autonomy, without ever winning. DuckDuckGo is my search engine, use a paid mail provider, I try to stay away from anything Google and Meta, use only Signal, ad blocking everywhere, hosting most services locally, etc. It seems, however, to make no difference in the long run. The user-profile-building just seems to enter the home faster than I can mitigate it. Kids install some new app or new hardware ends up listening in, privacy infringement is there.

      The reason I'm starting this post now is because I switched ISP and TV provider recently, but it has been on my mind for a long time. Finding one that isn't owned by one of huge 3 parent companies, is almost impossible here. After a year of deciding, I finally figured it was time to throw in the towel and just pick the least bad option. Yesterday was the day of switching and it has been such a frustrating process.

      The provided router doesn't allow me to turn off its WLAN. I live in a city, so the airwaves are already crowded enough as it is. No need to keep that antenna on, but screw me, that's not possible. Opened up the device to just remove the card, but everything is soldered on the board and disconnecting the antennas didn't do shit.
      It's possible to buy a modem/router myself, but it'll need to follow their requirements and will set me back $200. It would be okay if the rest of the service was great, but here comes the TV part!

      The device they use for TV is apparently Android TV. I assumed it would be IPTV with this subscription, but Android TV isn't that. Booting the device makes it immediately clear they are here to harvest data. It makes me so unhappy that a service I'm paying for, is also making money on the side by collecting data. To get a quick idea of what's being done, I routed the box through wireshark to sniff DNS traffic. It's riddled with domains used for data collection and ads. That combined with the features this box wants me to agree to (location, using the mic, access local network, sign into PlayStore, make a profile including real life information) does not make me trust this device. So I've decided to not play and will be sending it back.

      People around me are pretty conscious about what they do online, but compared to them I'm highly paranoid. Wherever I look, there are privacy issues. It seems impossible to escape from. How are other people dealing with this?

      UPDATE: I don't know if anybody is really interested, but I thought I would update anyway. I decided to listen to my gut and I cancelled the subscription. It feels like the best decision I've made in a long time. It's nice to feel like I'm still a little bit in charge, even though I know that's also just a false sense of autonomy. Suck it, Google! You're not the boss of me :-)

      33 votes
    44. Thoughts on the current state of discoverability and search

      I guess I'll post another thoughtful analysis rant on tech trends. It has been mentioned here in a few threads already but I simply wanted to try to start a focused discussion. Personally I first...

      I guess I'll post another thoughtful analysis rant on tech trends. It has been mentioned here in a few threads already but I simply wanted to try to start a focused discussion.

      Personally I first noticed significant degradation of search functionality around 2018 or so, while specifically Google was mentioned at least as far back as 2016. But it is not simply Google or even just general search engines. Any random site specific search functionality or discoverability algorithms on various sites share these trends too.

      It really seems that the focus is simply on delivering as many results as possible with actual quality or even relevance being somewhere on the tail end of priorities. It is not even just lack of(useful, consistent) search operators, lack of transparency, lack of structured search possibilities, lack of sorting options, lack of granularity - it is the simple disregard for the basic intent of the query with some implementations sometimes being actually more accurate with fewer keywords with no option to modify this behavior.

      It is especially damaging for(at least my) ability to research a topic. A decade and half ago I could go in with a topic I had no idea about and emerge two hours later with a very basic but likely mostly accurate and slightly in-depth overview by refining my searches. Now I'm lucky to get one single thoughtful blog post or discussion among dozens or tutorials, 10-bests and ads with the query being almost completely disregarded and keywords being straight up ignored to deliver this deluge of both low quality and mostly completely irrelevant results.

      Are there any projects, search engines or anything other that aim to deliver actually useful, steerable, user directed results?

      34 votes
    45. For proponents of "vote for the lesser of two evils", what is your endgame?

      If I understand folks with that PoV correctly: if you are a democrat or typically vote democrat, you generally think that republicans are a danger to democracy, bad for the lives of minorities,...

      If I understand folks with that PoV correctly:

      if you are a democrat or typically vote democrat, you generally think that republicans are a danger to democracy, bad for the lives of minorities, and the disadvantaged/LGBT+, etc.
      If you are a republican or typically vote republican, you generally think that democrats are a danger to democracy, divide the country with identity politics, etc.
      (obviously I am making sweeping generalizations of both camps off the top of my head but hopefully the point comes across)

      But, I don't get what your endgame is. Like, you make it seem like if the other party wins, the country is screwed. but you can't possibly think that the country will forever vote for your party for President, right? So you think America is destined to go downhill depending on how many years the opposing party is in power?

      America flips between red and blue. So the other party is bound to win at least once a decade imo. and yet I hear how democracy is more at stake now than it's ever been if "the other party wins". So I don't get the long-term viability of "lesser of 2 evils" approach.

      Since I doubt America will become less angry and divisive anytime soon thanks to yallls 24 hour news networks and the social media companies that make more money the more Americans are mad at each other.

      Then again, I am by no means an expert so where am I wrong or have I misunderstood something?

      13 votes
    46. Homeworld 3 review from someone who treasures HW as perhaps the best game in 25 years (with minor spoilers)

      I almost need a "thumb sideways" button but I can't give this game a thumbs up. Why should you listen to me? For background, I beta tested Homeworld for Relic back in '98-99. I've played every...

      I almost need a "thumb sideways" button but I can't give this game a thumbs up.

      Why should you listen to me?

      For background, I beta tested Homeworld for Relic back in '98-99. I've played every single PC Homeworld game. I've sunk hundreds of hours into playing vanilla Homeworld, Complex, and Every. Single. Star Trek mod that anyone has ever made for Homeworld and Homeworld: Remastered.

      That's to say: I adore love Homeworld/Homeworld 2. Over 25 years of PC gaming, they may be my all-time favorite games period!

      Of course, I bought the "Fleet Command" edition. In truth, I did it to encourage the developers to keep pumping out more Homeworld.

      Alas, the only thing I want right now is a complete and amazing mod toolkit so that this game can quickly become the substitute and successor for the original.

      A little history: Homeworld (and Remastered) thrived with its mod community. The original game was not designed for modding. Yet so many intrepid individuals out there struggled their way through cracking the binary format(s?) of the game. And, at least, as I understand it, some of the game behavior is scripted in Lua, a less common but publicly available programming language. Just go look at the Workshop for Homeworld: Remastered. The number of different total conversion mods out there is staggering. The love put into so many of those mods is utterly mind-blowing!

      In a nutshell, HW:3 plays a lot like Homeworld (the original) but, if anything, dumbed-down
      significantly from the original but with 2024 visuals--except for the cut-scenes that oddly look rendered using vintage 2000 technology. The game mechanics lack the depth of any of the HW sequels. The campaign is linear and, at times, glitchy (I'm looking at you, asteroid mission and you, the one cut-scene where some of the lines repeat causing me to wonder if I'm suffering auditory hallucinations or if their QA missed something like that).

      The gameplay is not particularly innovative or deep. The default pace of combat itself tends to be faster than previous Homeworlds. Though, in single player, you can change the game speed. However, the default speed can be overwhelming compared to previous Homeworld games, which can make multiplayer frustrating.

      For fans, while it should not be surprising It's not Homeworld: Complex (or EVO), I expected to see more of the depth, introduced by HW:C and HW:2, For instance, there are no subsystems on ships; you can't target engines or weapons. Ships either blow up or they don't. There's no defense field frigates and no cloak generators.

      My hope is that the mods (Star Trek or The Expanse, anyone?) will make this game shine. But right now? Unless you're a true super-hardcore Homeworld fan, who needs their Homeworld story fix, you should hold off.

      On the plus side: it doesn't crash as often as a NASCAR driver like Helldivers 2 or the original Homeworld, for that matter.

      Ultimately, I'm disappointed that Homeworld 3 plays like a dumbed-down version of Homeworld 1. I suppose this shouldn't be surprising, what with game studios increasingly desperate to get that larger market share which means appealing to a broader audience. But that means that if you long for the depth of Homeworld 2 or Complex, you're waiting for mods.

      The modding tools aren't out yet.

      And, so, thumbs down.

      16 votes
    47. I find myself intimidated by the Bear community

      Disclaimer: This post is probably overly-long and a little all over the place. It’s just as much me writing things out to get a sense of where I am and how I feel about everything as it is asking...

      Disclaimer: This post is probably overly-long and a little all over the place. It’s just as much me writing things out to get a sense of where I am and how I feel about everything as it is asking a question to a real audience. For anyone who genuinely wants to take the time to read it, hopefully not read too into it, and provide any insights – thank you. I'm not sure how large the LGBT community on Tildes might actually be, I will probably end up x-posting this to Reddit despite the fact that I’ll most likely end up regretting that decision

      I'm a late-thirties, gay, cis gendered, masculine presenting (for lack of a better term), otter (beard, harry, smaller frame so not considered a bear). For almost all of my life I've lived in smaller locals that lacked any real gay scene and so I have almost entirely lived apart from the larger gay world and community. To a large extent I'm grateful for this, I think in my younger years the focus on partying and sex would have been disastrous for me and now my friend groups are diverse with straight males and females and a few gay friends. However, a large part of me feels like I've missed out on something and continue to miss out on something.

      In the past year or so I've developed a gay Instagram profile that is now very connected to the gay bear community in my country and a few neighboring ones. I’ve also been in a larger city for a few years now and have a real gay community that I could connect with if I wanted to. Obviously, I'm primarily attracted to more bear type men and I've found that through Instagram I'm seeing that a lot of guys in the community remind me of myself in manner of interests and style. I also see this as a chance to make some friends who would actually see me and understand me, something that I think gets a little lost with my non-gay friends and my gay friends who are not like me in other ways

      Huge disclaimer: I'm viewing all of this through the lens of Instagram which makes my interpretations of what I'm seeing already dubious - the app is largely triggering FOMO and a touch of envy in me, I fully understand that.

      There was a bear dance night in my city a few weeks ago and many guys from different regions came through to celebrate and find community. I watched it all distantly through Instagram posts and stories and through all my voyeurism I found myself extremely tempted to go to the party but remained frozen in intimidation by a community that I really don't understand.

      My worries summed up:

      • We’re not one of the bigger bear events around so it’s clear from their posts that these guys all know each other and probably hang out multiple times a year. Approaching that as a complete outsider is already anxiety inducing to me

      • Even though I logically know that the only way to make friends is to put yourself out there, I’ve at times faced rejection and exclusion via the apps and just fear that this would be the same thing but in real life. Despite my attempts to date my way into the community, I haven’t had a lot of success breaking through. (Please don’t take this to mean that I’ve fully fetishized bears, I don’t limit my relationships to something so narrow at all)

      • One of my hangups is the fact that I myself am not a bear. My understanding is that Otters and “masc” guys are often very welcome in the bear community, which I am, but not actually being one of them makes me question my place there. I am aware how terrible this is as it perpetuates the gay culture of largely basing worth on physical characteristics and the fact that bear does not equal masculine. I hate to bring up that last part but I just want to be descriptive

      • I would be loath to enter into a community whose identity hangs on partying. I see on Instagram that a lot of groups of bear friends do other activities than drinking but they also do a fair share of bar-going and partying. If these bear events would end up turning out like the circuit party culture, then I have no real interest. I do like to occasionally go out drinking with friends but have no intention of maintaining a party lifestyle. In a similar vein, I wouldn’t want to enter into a community that is primarily sex-based either and I do get those vibes from these groups and parties sometimes as well

      • My intentions for wanting to participate are unclear. I see these guys building what seem like genuine friendships with each other and I do genuinely want that but at the same time it would be dishonest for me not to admit that there is a sexual component to this and a desire for validation from a group of men who I find attractive

      • Is my understanding of this community completely invalid? Maybe the impressions I’m gaining of the community are completely unrealistic and I should completely rethink the underlying question of this entire post – would I find value in being a member of the bear world?

      It’s clear to me that in the end my Instagram habit, particularly my “bear” profile, is triggering some anxieties and insecurities in me that I’ve largely managed to concur in real life. I already have caring friends and have had a rich dating and relationship life without being part of any real gay community and so my final question to myself is whether I should just delete the IG profile and abandon any thoughts of going to gay parties – I may just be looking to fill a hole in myself that my real friends and love life should be enough for.

      32 votes