I had a long-running discussion about this last year with a trans person on the Fediverse. Before that conversation, it had never even crossed my mind that Klinger was anything other than a cis-het guy desperately trying to exploit a weird Army regulation to escape from a war zone ... who may admittedly have become a bit too attached to his wardrobe in the process.

However, she pointed out that Klinger was the closest thing to a role model she had on TV growing up at the time, and that she had definitely seen and identified a lot of traits in Klinger that strongly suggest he (she?) was a semi-closeted trans character, effectively pulling a double-switch, pretending to be a "regular guy" who was pretending to be a cross-dresser just to get out of the Army, while actually having found a way to be openly trans in the US Army all the way back in the 1950s.

Thoughts?

What are some of the lessons you've learned about life, love, gender, personhood, etc. because of your LGBT identity?

What wisdom can you share with others here -- whether they share an identity with you or not?

Also, "LGBT" here is being used as an umbrella term as it is in our community name of ~lgbt. It applies to any and all minority sexualities and gender identities. You do not have to be listed in the initialism to answer!

Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy:

What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life?

It can be something big, but it can also be something small but still meaningful. It can be an event (coming out!), a realization (oh so THAT'S who I am!), a feeling (dress go spinny!), a moment (holding hands!), a recognition (they used male pronouns!), or anything else that is distinctly queer and noteworthy.

Share what it is, what you think about it, and why it's meaningful.

Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be queer in the broader sense, I also pass as a cishet male. That being said, I'm going to express myself honestly in the hopes that someone will be able to give me an honest to what might read as bigoted. Putting everything else in a detail box:

I've had this problem come up so many times. I'll be watching a review on a movie/series and partway through the reviewer will make some rude comment about something they perceived as 'political', or how it was made worse by feminism, or 'woke-ism'. Sometimes it's just a tiny little comment that rubs me the wrong way, and I'll realize: This review is being done by someone with opinions I want nothing to do with. And I especially don't want to further their YouTube career with my watch time. It's become such a pattern at this point that I don't even bother with YouTube media reviews anymore.

I'm not savvy in the landscape of media reviews, I'm relying on what the algorithm serves me, and so far it's only serving up slop. I'm trying to chew through my media backlog and also discover new things, and I'd like to see some perspectives on what's out there. Does anyone here have any recommendations for enthusiastically queer-friendly media review channels? (Not horror focused please, that's not for me.)

I sorta think pretty much everything else have been a downward spirel since this millennium was kickstarted with 9/11. Just a random thought! The speed with which trans women moved from being perverted men to moderately tolerated members of society is staggering. Anyone here know why and when it happened?

If we look at Google Ngram for 'trans people' we see an upward curve after 2000 (the internet I guess) but it really took off somewhere after 2010.

With a lot of parades and parties behind us, I think now is as good a time as ever to discuss 2023 Pride. What did you do? Was it different than last year, and if so, was it more or less fun?

Having experienced pride both in Israel and in Europe, I can say that this year in Tel Aviv was a very strange vibe for me. There were a lot of talks about potential terror attacks, to the point where the side streets were absolutely full of police and military. I remember walking back home from work and being unsure if I should even go.

Contrast it with Berlin, where there was such a carefree attitude and such a strong sense of unity. I experienced it as a tourist mind you, but I still wish we could have a less stressful atmosphere next year back home.

There is something to be said about the monetization of pride, but to me, just the fact that we have something to unite around is enough. When I look around and see thousands of queer people smiling, I couldn't care less about capitalism, and I only hope that next year it'll be even bigger.

Note: I've had these thoughts for a while, but I didn't think to post until I read @guttersnipe's semi-unrelated comment in another thread.

I'm queer, but I'm also a quiet introvert. I don't really drink much, and as of lately, loud events exceed my capacity for sensory input. I just... don't really have it in me to party?

Yet, everywhere I seem to look, 'queer culture' seems to be heavily equated with partying. My partner's gay best friend goes downtown and parties til the break of dawn for Pride. Pitchfork runs features like "Fear Will Not Stop Queer Nightlife". To celebrate seems to mean to be loud and out and proud, to be bright and neon, to be camp and flamboyant, to let loose. Late nights, clubs, DJs, raves... it's all just... too much for me? In fact, I sort of feel a disconnect with western queer culture as a whole? It just feels so... extroverted...

I don't want to just do nothing, though, like I've done year after year. I feel left out, like I'm missing out on some sort of collective experience.

So, what are some alternative ways to celebrate? Do you celebrate Pride in ways that deviate from the norm?

I'm pretty high on the cis het side of the scale, but I'm an understanding and individual freedom loving person. I believe "to each their own" and support that strongly.

I'm an elder millennial. While we used LGB slurs casually, I never really meant them as slurs against the community. It's just how my peers spoke. Trans was never on my radar at the time. (Maybe a little, but I figured it was much rarer than it appears to be)

Homosexuality was always easy for me to understand. From a particular instance: "Do you like girls, Jackie? (Nod). Me too. That's cool." End of need to understand. Plus it was about a butt, and a butt is pretty sex/gender nonspecific.

I also always felt honored when people came out to me.

I just feel like I'm having trouble empathizing with trans individuals. I cannot imagine myself in that position like I can with homosexual or asexual individuals. The pronoun thing also wracks my brain. I'm more accepting of "they" as an object, but "they" as a subject for an individual feels so horrid to me.

First and foremost, I don't personally know anyone trans. I'm not sure how to change that without being weird.

Thanks for your support in my learning!

Hey all, so I'm a trans woman and, like a lot of other people, my biggest point of dysphoria is my facial hair. I've been going through electrolysis for the past five months. I love it when it works, but the speed of the process is really getting me down. I do one hour every two weeks (I'd do more if I had the money), and after five months of solely working on my upper lip the progress just isn't where I was hoping to be.

What are y'alls experiences with electro, and what was the regiment that worked for you? Did you do something other than electrolysis, how'd it work out? Other general hair removal tips to look as clean as possible?

I'll share one of my own:

• The Finishing Touch Flawless Razor (Walmart link) has been the best, and most affordable electric razor I've found that gets an extremely close shave without too much skin irritation (I have the most irritated skin in the world). Highly recommend!

It's empty in here, so I figured I'd break the ice. Hi. I'm "Albinanigans" bumbling around (and a recent deflector from Reddit... but you probably guessed that). I am a transgender non-binary Black person who likes to ramble on the Internet.

I have a question for the floor: what do you do for gender affirmation? What gives you gender euphoria?

My answer: I recently received a hysterectomy, and it was pretty affirming! It is one less thing to cause dysphoria. I also like mixing and matching femme and masc clothing in my outfit.

So, yeah, happy to be here! Hope to talk more soon.

Coming out is a different experience for everyone, for some it's a fraught and stressful experience, for others it's an easy and smooth process.

People react differently to the news, geography and demographics can play into the likelihood of a negative reaction, so many factors that can be difficult to handle or worry about.

So how did you go about it and how did it go?
How have things been since and is there anything you'd do differently?

For me personally (a trans woman) it's a long and ongoing process. I first came out to my best friend in 2018, she's trans just like me so it was easy and she and I were always very close and trusting. We've since started a relationship and are now engaged. I literally just spoke to her and talked about my feelings and she accepted me immediately.

Next was my mum, my family are friendly and loving but none of us are overly close or open about our feelings with each other, I have a long history of anxiety which created a barrier for me coming out, I don't think I came out to my mum until either late 2019 or early 2020. She was in the living room on her own and I asked to speak, we sat down and had a heart to heart and she was understanding and supportive, though she didn't know much about trans people. Things seemed fine initially but a few days later when she picked me up form work she broke down in the car crying, saying how it's a big change and how she felt like she was losing her son. It was a lot, more than I could handle and this may be selfish of me, but it was the opposite of what I needed at a time when I was feeling very fragile. We talked more and she came around and has since been very supportive and helped me a lot.

Other family members I never really formally came out to, but folks have slowly cottoned on to what's happening and it hasn't been an issue.

Work however is a different situation. That aforementioned anxiety has prevented me from coming out to this day. In work I hide my feminine features and pretend I'm a guy. It's getting harder by the day to hide it but not knowing how folks will react is worrying. Legally I'll be protected from harm, but socially this could ostracise me from my colleagues. I live in the UK and anti-trans rhetoric has been on the rise in recent years, and if the folks I work with directly don't take it well, while they couldn't openly discriminate, they could make my work life unpleasant and difficult. It'll have to happen eventually (possibly soon) but I'm putting it off until the last possible moment. The fear is paralysing.

On the topic of work, at my last employer I did come out to my two closest colleagues privately, they're still my friends to this day and have had no issues. It was difficult, my heart was pounding and we were saying farewell to another colleague who had been a strong LGBT+ ally in the workplace, it felt like the right time and things worked out well, there were hugs all around which was honestly a far better reaction than I could've hoped for.

So for me, to this day I'm still coming out, slowly, one step at a time. I'd probably do it differently if I could go back, just rip off the whole thing with everyone at once, but that would rely on me being braver than I actually am. The approach I have taken however has been safe and cautious, and has mostly worked out for me.

Apologies for the long story! I'd love to hear all of yours.

Back when Tildes was in cozy mode we had a small contingent of LGBT users across the site who all pretty much came to know each other over time. Now that we're undergoing a huge influx of users though, there are so many new names and faces! I'd love for everyone to get to know everyone, but rather than just sharing how you identify, I'd love this to be a place where people can share their story -- the road of how you arrived at being the person you are and identify as.

So, feel free to share as much of your story as you are comfortable with, and feel free to change/omit any identifying details if maintaining your personal privacy is important to you.

Also, a note to new users: a few years ago we had a vote to determine whether we should change the name of the group from ~lgbt to something else like ~lgbtq or ~queer. The vote came out in favor of keeping it as ~lgbt, but opted to add text to the description of the group clarifying that it is inclusive:

The umbrella term "LGBT" includes all minority sexualities and gender identities. Everybody is welcome to participate.

So, even if your identity is not included in the LGBT initialism, this is still a space for you! If you're ace, pan, intersex, gender non-conforming, gender fluid, non-binary, or any of the other many identities that fall under the LGBT umbrella, this is your community too. Even if you're not sure yet -- that's okay too! We're happy to have you here.

Also, to users who are cis/straight and are still subscribed to ~lgbt, you're welcome here too. We love our allies!

I would probably be considered asexual, but I've never really tied too much if my identity to it or anything.

The reason being that I find myself a little put off by the political nature of social advocacy. I'm non straight and non white and non neurotypical, but never in the "popular" kind if way. I'm not BIPOC or LGBTQ or whatever the hip neurological problem to have is.

I'm wondering if anyone else has this kind of perspective. I realize asking this in an LGBT forum is probably not likely to reach people that feel alienated from identifying with the LGBT community, but I'm just seeing if there's other lurkers like me on.

I am a trans lesbian and plan on running away from my enviroment when i am prepared (mostly due to unrelated matter, but it does have a impact on everything). I wanted to see your experiences with it and how you are now, to help get a perspective on my future.

Have you done pride events with or at your company? Mine is going to be in the parade and I can walk with them. CFO is gay and they have been very helpful with my transition so I don't feel like they are faking it.

For others, how has your workplace acted or have they done anything related?

By this i mean things like blahaj, programmer socks, etc. Personally i think theyre kinda funny and i myself have gotten my own blahaj as a way to show my "trans license" but i was wondering how other people might feel about them. Perhaps some people think theyre overdone or they just dont agree with them.

My fiancée and I are going to Provincetown, MA to celebrate both Pride and her birthday.

Her mothers used to take her to Ptown every summer as a kid, so as an ally I’m looking forward to soaking up the positive vibes and getting to know this place that’s so special to her. I’ve been learning more about the town and what it’s meant to the LGBTQ+ community over the last few decades.

It shouldn’t have had to be a hideaway but it’s so cool that such a place exists and that it feels so separate from the rest of the country via that long drive out on the Cape.

The world is certainly a scary place right now but this month is full of so much love. Are any of y’all going to any parades or events to celebrate?

I'm making a video game, which is sort of a mixture of a puzzle game and interactive fiction. I'm a little uncertain about some name and pronoun choices that I currently offer to the player and I thought that you guys might be able to help me.

The game is in English. At the beginning of the game, the player chooses the main character's name and pronoun. This is presented through two screens that offer the choices through textual narrative. It goes something like this, with [brackets] marking the options that the player can currently choose between.

This is the story of...
[...Alice Aster.]
[...Alan Aster.]
[...Al Aster.]

It is...
[...her story.]
[...his story.]
[...their story.]

Detached from the wider narrative context, this method may seem clunky, but I believe it works within the game itself. Mechanically, that is. I'm less sure about the options that I'm offering.

The player can choose any of the three options in the first screen and again any in the second, regardless of what they chose in the first. This affects the player character's name and pronouns used throughout the game.

Now, there clearly are also many other pronouns that people identify with in English, just like there are many other names. However, for technical and design reasons, it would be challenging for me to have the player freely type in their preferred name or pronouns, and neither can I really present a long list of options. At the same time, by condensing all non-binary choices into the most common (?) "their" and by assuming that "her" also equates to "she" and so on, I wonder if I end up coming across as someone who thinks they are on top of things, but clearly has only a very superficial understanding of the topic. Which, to be honest, might not be that far from the truth.

Similarly, of the three names offered, "Al" is intended as a more gender-neutral or non-binary option than the other two. Does that make sense? Would there be a better way to handle this? Are there names that better signal non-binary or gender-neutral identity?

Or am I simply approaching this wrong?

The game itself does not deal with gender identity. As you can see, I'm not the right person to write about the topic. The choice of gender in fact has relatively little effect on the story itself. The player also has no choice over other matters of identity, including their character's cultural background or family structure. The character is not intended to be the player, but someone whose story the player follows. But it still feels important for me and for the story to offer a choice about the name and the pronoun. And I wouldn't be comfortable with it being just a "traditional" choice between male and female, as it would quite explicitly imply and reinforce assumptions about the world that I think we should move away from as a society.

Not that my game is of course going to change the world in any meaningful way. But having worked on it for about six years now, it has been one long personal learning experience for me. And this feels like another opportunity to understand something better.

Thanks in advance for any thoughts and advice.

Pride month has already started, so - as per the title - what are you doing for Pride this week?

Are there any cool events where you live? Is the encroaching summer making it hard to choose between hugging the AC and ironing your flags? Are you still in the closet, and would you like to vent about it?

Over the past few months I've been questioning my gender identity, and so I've been doing what any good millennial does and trying to read up on what everyone else in my position did and does. I've found a few resources here and there, but I'd really like to read/watch/listen to more if I can. I'm looking for blogs, YouTube channels, podcasts, twitter users, and possibly even music... Anything created by non-cis people and which discusses their experience with figuring out their gender identity.
Hopefully my fellow Tilderen can recommend some good media to me? I'd also be glad and grateful to hear any personal stories from folks here as well, though I do know it can be a very personal thing so no sweat if you don't feel happy sharing.

My husband and I recently started listening to Tones and I who has a song called Johnny Run Away. It’s a short story about a boy who has feelings for another boy and is told by his dad to “run away” not because the father is homophobic but because he’s trying to protect his son from getting bullied:

His daddy walked by with a sigh
Said, "Johnny, sit by my side
I'm gonna give you the best advice
You've ever heard in your life
See that boy named Jimmy, yeah, he's a cutie
But no, no, Johnny, no, no, no
Johnny run away”

I like the song partially for its musicality (so catchy!) but also its narrative is genuinely touching to me. My father-in-law once told me he knew his son (my husband) was gay early on. He said that never changed how much he loved his son, but he was always worried about how much harder life would be for him because of that. I think a lot of parents support their LGBT kids but also live with the very real fear of knowing that the rest of the world won’t necessarily do the same, and I think this song captures that perspective.

Anyway, I would love to hear about other songs that feature LGBT stories and perspectives, especially if they’re personally resonant for you or someone you know.

To elaborate more, the realization that LGBT rights, marriage, transitioning, etc are more than just human rights, they're your rights and whenever homophobes succeed in stopping LGBT rights, your rights are stripped away by people who hate you.

Also, If you're bisexual, did/do you ever consider just tagging along as if you were straight because you could and would rather not deal with homophobes? (Assuming this question makes sense)

The question is open to anything that anyone wants to share about changing one’s name (e.g. social, familial, or legal proceedings), but in particular I’m most interested in what the personal process of deciding on a particular name was like for you. Was there one that just “clicked”? Did you try out different names until you found one that fit? Did you choose the name based on meaning, aesthetics, association, or something else entirely? How did it feel to change your own name in your own head? How did it feel when others started using it to refer to you? What do you like most about the name you chose?

Also, I don’t want to pressure anyone to share their name since that is very identifying information, so feel free to share details of your experience without sharing your name itself — unless that’s something you’re comfortable with putting online here.

Hello! If you've clicked on this I'd like to start off by apologizing for the title! I'm in a bit of a strange headspace right this moment as I try to digest some thoughts thrown my way today. I'm currently coming at this from the personal lens of myself, but I think there are some larger questions/generalizations that could be made and might be helpful for others.

Ok, so for some background I am a "straight" man. My previous partners have all been women, with the exception of one who identified as female when we were dating, and my current partner is non-binary but female-presenting and has identified as such the entirety of the time we have been dating. I have previously viewed myself as straight and an ally to my partner and the lgbtq+ community. Today, I was having a long conversation with my cousin about his experiences coming out of the closet and with homophobia in our family. I mentioned at one point that I didn't feel comfortable making some assumptions/statements since I am straight and not a member of the community. He (very politely) brought up that, at least strictly technically speaking, the fact that I am dating someone who is non-binary means we are not in a heterosexual relationship and that I am not technically straight, more likely being bi or pan (if we could lets not turn this into the bi vs pan debate which I know is a controversial topic but not really what I'd like to focus on). He also made a point to stress that these are all technical definitions and that gender and sexual identity are very personal and if I don't feel that it describes me then it isn't for him to decide I'm wrong. This made me a bit uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable because while he's right, it feels wrong. I feel like if I began identifying as pan/bi, it would come off as a straight white male looking for a way to put himself in the position of being oppressed or marginalized for woke points. I don't know if it is because the college I went to was full of dudes like this, constantly looking for ways to be the victim, but its just something I feel deep in my bones. I don't really know though. I feel like if someone came up to me and described my life as their own and told me they identified as pan/bi I would agree and support them, but I won't extend that to myself. I don't know if its just a lifetime of assuming I was straight is why this is or if the term is actually wrong.

I guess to summarize/generalize, I'll put some reallly fucking loaded questions where I know the 'real' answer is "It is a deeply personal thing and will vary by person to person because the LGBTQ+ community isn't a monolith with all the same ideas" but I'm hoping maybe writing all this out and reading some of the results will help me color, process and digest my thoughts.

1. What/where would you put the line between straight and not straight (if anywhere). I know personally while I like to keep an open mind, I do heavily preference female-presenting people, whether they be trans, nb, or identify as a woman. But is that openness to dating someone who doesn't identify as a woman enough for me to be not-straight? I want to say yes, I don't think you need to date someone of a different gender to be not-straight. My cousin is bi but has exclusively dated men. I wouldn't tell him he isn't bi.

2. I am very uncomfortable with this question but do you feel there is a degree of "not-straight" you need to be to be an active part of the queer community. To kind of explain my thoughts on that: From an outside perspective, no one that hasn't been told my partner is nb would question if we said we were a straight couple. I've never and probably will never feel fear or be oppressed based on my sexuality. I dunno. I just feel really weird. like I'm inserting myself into a community I've always identified as an ally of but been an outsider to.

Anyway, sorry for this rant. I know the two questions are really loaded and I honestly feel like I know the answer to both of them. But just because i know the answer doesn't change how conflicted I feel and so I guess I'm just trying to work through some of the thoughts and conflicts.

I also want to take a second to note: I am actively talking with my partner about these thoughts and feelings. This is an ongoing discussion in our household, I am just looking for more perspectives and views to help me see things from different angles and work through my thoughts and feelings. Helping me through this is absolutely not the responsibility of anyone on Tildes and I don't want it to seem like I am putting that pressure on the community.

I'm in a bit of a personal musical renaissance at the moment and am actively seeking out new music after having listened to the same albums for years, effectively playing them out.

One of the areas I'm interested in exploring is LGBT artists out there making good music, especially because it seems like so many have entered the scene in recent years. Let me know if you have any recommendations! I'm open to any genre.

Introduction

Gender and sexuality are complex, personal topics, and asking questions about them can often feel invasive or even offensive. Discussions about them can be tough to navigate, especially online, where people's guards are often up and hostility and harassment are common.

In order to help clear the air and provide a safe space for honest and genuine dialogue, we have assembled a cross-section of Tildes' LGBT community to whom you can ask questions. These volunteers have agreed to open up about their experiences, identities, and knowledge.

In this thread, you will be able to ask our panelists questions regarding anything you've ever wanted to know about being LGBT. Our goal is to provide you with meaningful answers, not judge you for your questions! For the purposes of this thread, LGBT refers to the umbrella term under which all minority gender and sexual identities fall.

Guidelines for Participation

Panelists

Here are the users who will be answering your questions:

@Algernon_Asimov
@CALICO
@Cleb
@emdash
@Gaywallet
@kfwyre
@patience_limited
@reifyresonance
@ShilohMizook
@Silbern
@tindall
@Whom

You can get more information on each in their bios below:

The door is open. Ask away!

For example: demisexuality. Many that don’t identify as demisexual but hear of the term dismiss it altogether. Others that are members of lgbt fear that cishet people are trying to invade lgbt by splitting hairs.

Inspired from my conversation with @CALICO about how the word "trap" is offensive and how less than a day later, the r/animemes mod team has banned the word for the same reasons that he has cited, which has caused practically universal backlash and closed the sub to anything not related to that decision.

Normally June is a time for celebration and demonstration for LGBT people in the USA (thanks for the correction, @Algernon_Asimov!), but on account of COVID and our need to protest widespread racial injustice, this past month felt like an unusually somber and isolated Pride Month.

I'm wondering if anyone here did anything for Pride Month, whether it was a celebration, protest, reflection, creation, or something else entirely. If you didn't do anything, feel free to share why not as well. I think a lot of us are likely in similar boats.

(I am trans-inclusive. I believe trans rights are human rights. I believe in self-identification. I will use whatever pronouns someone choose, and I try not to assume pronouns.)

In the UK recently there's been a bit of a debate between trans-phobic "gender critical" feminists who say that for sexual safety women need spaces that are women only, and that this means they need to exclude trans-people.

I think this is bullshit. I'd like some good quality arguments to use against this.

What are your ideas?

The following questions are aimed at gender identity, gender expression, romantic orientation, and/or sexual orientation. To cut down on wordiness, all the questions below will just say "identity", but know that I'm asking about any and all of the different parts that make up our gendered, romantic, and sexual selves.

You don't necessarily need to answer regarding all axes or focuses: choose the ones most salient or meaningful to you and your experiences. Furthermore, these questions are open to all, including people who don't identify as LGBT.

• How would you describe the rigidity/fluidity of your identity or its different parts?
• Do you experience short-term changes in your identity?
• Have you experienced long-term changes in your identity?
• Does your identity have any elements that are unchanging long-term?
• How does the fluidity/rigidity of your identity affect you? Are there advantages? Disadvantages?
• Are you certain in your identity right now, or is it unclear to you at the moment?
• If you are certain, do you think that certainty will persist, or might things change in the future?
• If you are uncertain, do you think a more definite identity will coalesce for you at some point?

As always, the questions are just jumping off points and don't need to be treated like a quiz. Also, just to be clear, I am asking this purely out of curiosity and am in no way trying to assert that a more rigid/fluid identity is better/worse. Likewise, I'm not trying to cast judgment on anyone still questioning or engaging in self-discovery. Your process and your identity are valid wherever you're at and however you feel. I'm simply interested to hear what your experiences are, whoever you are.

I'm curious how many of us there are on here. This was asked awhile ago but I'm curious how things might have changed since then. Some ideas for discussion:

• When did you realize you weren't cis/straight/etc?
• Are you out or still in the closet?
• How's the social situation where you live? (Are you accepted?)
• In a relationship? If so, how did you meet?
• Anything on your mind? (Doesn't have to be related to your identity/orientation.)

The question follows the lead of our community name: LGBT in the title refers to the LGBT umbrella and isn't limited to the identities represented by the initials.

The character can be from any media source: shows, movies, anime, books, comics, videogames, even song lyrics, or anything else I've missed. The only criteria is that they have to be fictional.

• Who is the character and how are they portrayed?
• What do you like about them?
• Do they resonate with your own experience or those of people you know in any way?

• Who are the LGBTQ individuals you look up to or admire?
• In what ways do you find them inspiring or admirable?
• Has their example and influence helped you in your own life? If so, how?

Don't feel like you have to talk about someone famous: plenty of LGBTQ heroes are the people we know personally, and I would love to hear those kinds of stories. Also, feel free to include people who don't identify as LGBTQ but who still fit the criteria of a role model/hero for the community (e.g. Judy Shepard, Jonathan Larson, a supportive straight sibling, etc.).

Some questions to consider:

• How do you feel about it as a whole?
• What is your experience with it like? Do you go out, celebrate, march, get involved? Does it connect you to others or affirm your identity?
• What positives does it bring to the table?
• What critiques do you have of it?

This last one can be treated as hypothetical but might apply to some real experiences as well--either are valid:

• If you chose to march in a parade to bring awareness to an issue, what cause would you represent? How would you show it, or what would your sign say? Who would you want there alongside you?

This is going to be a bit of a ramble.

I'm not even sure where to even start.

Browsing r/egg_irl has me confused. Am I trans? What does it mean for someone currently living as their birth-assigned-gender to be trans? Would I be happier as a woman? Or non-binary? I don't feel major bodily disphoria. I don't dislike my body. I am curious what it would be like to have a female body.

When I was a teenager I read Commitment Hour, by James Alan Gardner. It's about a village where young people switch back and forth every year (go to sleep as one, wake up as another), until they turn twenty and have to choose one or the other. I loved it. I fantasied about what it would be like to quickly switch back and forth. I liked the idea of finding out what it's like to have a female body without having to permanently commit to it. That fantasy has tempered a bit since then, but I wouldn't say it's completely gone.

I've been growing my hair out, but I've also grown my beard out. Both started as laziness. I didn't feel like bothering to get my hair cut or mess with shaving my face. I hate shaving. Now it's something of a security blanket. I feel exposed without them. Another reason I grew my beard out was because there were a couple of times when I was a teenager that a stranger thought I was a girl and it made me uncomfortable. I grow hardly any chest hair and I like it that way; but I have a lot of leg hair, and I like that too.

I've never been the macho type or had much use for machoness.

I don't know If I would like being female, or if I just like the idea of it. There have been other things that I liked the idea of but not the thing itself. How can I respond to others seeing it as a phase if I'm not even sure myself if it's a phase.

I don't like the social stigma around it. I come from a conservative family. I don't know how they would react. I live in a small predominately Mormon community where everybody knows everybody and gossip runs rampant. I don't know if being female is what I really want, but I at least want the space to experiment and find out.

I don't know what I want and I hate not knowing. Even deciding whether or not I should even type this out, let alone post it, has been a major mental battle.

I've been on Tildes a while, but I created a new account because my main account could be connected to my real identity and I'm so not ready for that. Even putting this out there anonymously has me terrified.

Hello y'all!

I wanted to make a post where all us trans peeps can introduce themselves and say hey to each other, since I find it nice to have other trans peeps to chat with. Come say hey, or drop me a line!

For my own intro: I normally go by Nihilistic Janitor online, and before you ask I really don't know jack about philosophy I just thought the phrase "cleanliness is next to meaninglessness" is funny. I'm a nineteen year old pan trans woman, currently wheelchair-bound, who enjoys reading and writing and who recently finished a draft of a fun cheesy gay romance novel. I'm also in with some other trans-heavy communities, so if you're curious and want to check those out, message me!

Not sure if this has been asked before, I vaguely remember seeing it but I'm not sure!

Personally, I'm still in the process of coming out - I've only come out to 1 person (a nurse), and I utterly dread the day that I need to tell friends and family.

We're Here, We're Queer, Ask Your Questions Without Fear

I noticed that there was a lot of QUILTBAG/LGBT related education being requested in threads where it wasn't really on topic. Clearly there's a lot of curiosity. So I thought: why not make a thread specifically for that? Whee!

Please note that it's a lot of labor to ask of someone in a minority to explain themselves, as it's often the case that they feel like they have to justify existing on a daily basis anyway. Hopefully this provides more of an opt-in experience where curious folks can learn about queer issues in a respectful manner. ** Also: No one is required to answer your questions or engage with questions they don't feel comfortable with. **

I am decidedly not an authority on the subject (I don't think anyone really is) but I do fall under the umbrella- NB (nonbinary) and bi. This means that I am attracted to either gender and I do not identify as having a binary gender myself. I actually would more precisely be described as pansexual as I would date a nonbinary person BUT for identity politic reasons I prefer the term bi. As for the acronyms above, LGBT stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Trans. I prefer QUILTBAG: Queer, Undecided, Intersex, Lesbian, Transgender, Bisexual, Asexual, and Gay. It's more fun to say and it expands the acronym to include concepts that folks might not have heard of.

A brief list of definitions:

• Queer: To my understanding this is sort of a catchall term for anyone that is not straight up cisgender/heterosexual. Once considered a pejorative term, queer has been reclaimed by some QUILTBAG people to describe themselves; however, it is not a universally accepted term even within the QUILTBAG community.

• Undecided: Folks who just don't know what they identify with.

• Intersex: Folks born with anatomy that do not fit typical binary notions of male or female bodies. This can be a wide range of natural bodily variations.

• Lesbian: A woman who is attracted to women exclusively.

• Transgender: A term to describe folks who do not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.

• Bisexual: Folks who are attracted to both binary genders.

• Asexual: Also known as "ace". An adjective to describe folks who do not experience sexual attraction.

• Gay: A term to describe people who are attracted to the gender they identify as. This is often used to refer specifically to men who are attracted to men but can be used to refer to women who are attracted to women too.

This list is by no means exhaustive! Here's a (more) comprehensive list of terms and labels: http://www.soc.ucsb.edu/sexinfo/article/glossary-sexual-orientationgender-terminology

There are many terms and labels out there! I encourage you to research to your heart's content.

Also just to give some perspective, cisgender is an adjective for folks who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth.

So, what nagging questions do you have about being queer? Have you been questioning your own identity and would like to hear the thoughts of people who have been in the same situation? Post here and let's see if we can't find some answers.

They don't have to be anthems in the strict sense of the word. Any type or genre is fair game.

I'm interested in hearing about any songs that helped you connect with or express your identity. It can be something overtly intended to represent LGBT individuals or narratives, or it can simply be something with an abstract theme that resonates with your experiences.

After a let of questioning, I am reasonably sure that I am a transgender girl. But what do I actually do? I'm 18, but I'm still in high-school living with my parents who won't be supportive of me if I come out. I have no consistent income and don't have a therapist. I guess there's no magical answer and I just need to wait until I'm independent and then start thinking about it.

Hey Waves!

I've been wondering how other people discovered they were bi, or gay, or pan, or ace, or straight, or anything else. You can tell stories of your first crush, how things just 'felt right', anything.

Recently I have noticed something odd about my genitals, and believe I might be intersex of some sort (assigned male if it matters). The problem is that I don't know where to start researching and taking steps about it, so any help would be appreciated, especially if it is not US centric.

Hello.
I moderate a reddit sub with about 450 thousand people and we have had trouble with transgender people facing abuse from idiots in two different threads. In one of them, a woman chimed in and it got ugly (4 bans in the first 12 comments), in the other a trans woman took part and got shit for it (also featured a few users banned).

Now, each of them had a very different approach. The first got defensive and stopped participating, while the second took the time to respond to the stupid but not offensive ones, trying to educate them.

So even if this is something that bothers me a lot and makes considerably angry, I realised that maybe I should take a more nuanced view on this, and I should actually ask for more opinions on how to handle thiS, instead of simply applying my own standards and maybe making things worse and/or missing a chance to make things better. And since Tildes has always provided me with intelligent, thoughtful and interesting points of view and opinions, I thought this would be the best place for this question.

And so here I am, asking anyone that would care to give an opinion: what would a good moderator do? How harsh or lenient should we be with ignorant but not offensive comments? Should we get involved at all if the discussion is not offensive? What would make our sub a nicer place to everyone? Any other thoughts?

Thank you very much to all.

The world needs more positivity. Do you have any positive stories from when you came out? Or maybe any positive experiences from being openly queer in general?

^{If you're still in the closet for whatever reason, that's perfectly alright!}

I was wondering if there were any fellow Waves that enjoyed dressing in a way that might confuse others on your gender, and if anybody had tips for others on how to blend masculine and feminine styles/presentation.

Definitions and sources on Genderfuck:

Genderfuck
Some nonbinary people may choose or need to present a 'clashing' combination of gender cues that are incongruous, challenging or shocking to those who expect others to fit the gender binary. For example, combining a beard with makeup and a padded bra. This practice of transgressively breaking the rules of gender presentation is known as genderfuck, genderfucking or sometimes genderpunk.
https://nonbinary.miraheze.org/wiki/Nonbinary#Genderfuck

Gender bender (also known as genderf*ck) is an informal term used to refer to a person who actively transgresses, or "bends," expected gender roles and presentation. This is usually achieved by combining masculine and feminine attributes in unexpected ways.
http://gender.wikia.com/wiki/Gender_Bender

I've been thinking about this lately and I always go back to feeling so ignorant for doing things like using the word gay to mean something bad or negative when I was younger. And it gets me to thinking about if things like that are discussed or if people even think that far into it. Which got me to thinking about what other aspects aren't being discussed or acknowledged widely enough.

Fellow LGBTQ+ ~ers, I'm hoping you can give me some direction and pointers in dating advice.

I'm a male in my early 40s who has become single after a dozen years and finally realizing/admitting that I'm gay. This isn't a huge deal (I've always identified as queer/not straight) but it does leave me in a place of total ignorance on how to proceed in meeting gay men and dating them.

I'm not intetested in sex-without-friendship, so Grindr is out. I'm not a fan of social media, so FB is useless to me. Even if there are any gay bars left, I'm not the bar type. My preferred personals site was craigslist... which shows you how out of the loop I am.

Any advice on dating sites and/or alternative ways of meeting people? I'm thinking about getting a bunch of shirts printed with a wittier version of "Introduce me to your gay friends!" and a rainbow necklace or bracelet...

If location matters, I'm a fair distance outside the Seattle area but get there often enough.

Thanks, all!