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    1. Do you think you're special?

      Probably a common feeling that many eventually "grow out of". So I guess the follow-up question is if that happened to you, what made you change? And if that didn't, how did you manage to hold on...

      Probably a common feeling that many eventually "grow out of". So I guess the follow-up question is if that happened to you, what made you change? And if that didn't, how did you manage to hold on to the belief?

      45 votes
    2. Using Obsidian or a similar PKM for curriculum, unit and lesson planning

      I was wondering if anyone else has considered using a PKM like Obsidian (markdown editor with linking) for the unit and lesson planning. Specifically, I am intrigued by the ability to link...

      I was wondering if anyone else has considered using a PKM like Obsidian (markdown editor with linking) for the unit and lesson planning.

      Specifically, I am intrigued by the ability to link curriculum documents, resources I have collected, within my lessons. And being able to see a graph view of how everything links together really tickles my brain, while still maintaining my structured folder hierarchy (a nice mix of classical file management, non-linear organization through tagging, and chronological view based on creation date or modification date). I also enjoy the TaskNotes plugin Kanban view, and it's one file per task approach (letting me put a lot of detail into the task, or linking the task to another file). Obsidian also offers an education discount for publish / sync, but I think I am going to stick with my DAV sync to my homelab/media-centre, and maybe publish some lesson plans on a free site host using a generator like quartz.

      Here is two published examples, one being more so lesson plans meant for teachers while the other is a component shared for students within a class. Both of these examples are American, so not 100% applicable to what I would do, but still really interesting to peak at.
      English - Curriculum & planning approach - Obsidian Publish
      Linear Algerbra - Course companion approach - Quartz

      I was just wondering what other educators have tried (even if it is something completely different!), what has worked for you in terms of understanding, as well as what works for you sharing stuff with colleagues or student teachers (university candidates partaking in their practicum).

      Addendum: I also have a paperless-ngx document server hosted, but this personally is more so for storing personal documents related to my banking, health, instructional manuals etc. All of the paperwork that is just so easy to lose, and is also part of my physical archival setup with ASN (archival serial number) QR stickers that I put on physical documents - I suck at physical organization so just numbering them and using tags and search on paperless just works for me.

      I also have zotero for research still, which integrates nicely with obsidian (I used to use logseq but when they shifted to a database format they removed the in-build integration.

      lastly, I do keep a physical planner, physical writing can help me with my day-to-day life; but for longer form stuff I do really need it digitally. I guess it is perhaps a little disjointed to be using a kanban board in my obsidian vault as well as a physical planner, but there is a certain work and personal separation that it allows for. Similar to my journaling in a physical notebook, there is an ephemeral nature to it that actually works very well for me vs something like my lesson planning which is recurring.

      20 votes
    3. Is there any place where I can find biking gloves that both cover the whole hand and are breathable?

      Sorry, if this isn't the right group for this, I took a best guess. I have one pair of gloves left that I absolutely love: https://www.raceface.com/products/stage-glove?variant=32022768091218...

      Sorry, if this isn't the right group for this, I took a best guess.

      I have one pair of gloves left that I absolutely love: https://www.raceface.com/products/stage-glove?variant=32022768091218

      problem is my current pair is starting to break down and I am finding it shockingly difficult to find a replacement pair online that is also covers the full hand and has whole on the back of the hand to improve breath-ability.

      I unfortunately can't buy from race-face cause I have size medium hands and I don't really know if I am missing something obvious in my searches on both google and amazon that result in me not finding any gloves that cover the whole hand and have holes on them

      13 votes
    4. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      9 votes
    5. What's something that now looks very different to you in hindsight?

      It can be something personal to your life, or something public/newsworthy. Your change on it can be anything -- from negative to positive or vice versa, or simply a different perspective or...

      It can be something personal to your life, or something public/newsworthy.

      Your change on it can be anything -- from negative to positive or vice versa, or simply a different perspective or understanding.

      Tell us what it was, what changed, and, if possible, why you think that change came about.

      18 votes
    6. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      5 votes
    7. Modern myths

      What’s the wild enterprise-level rumor or urban legend someone dropped on you while you were on the clock? Hoping someone here's gotta have a story so insane it sounds like total BS at least

      23 votes
    8. Library resources megathread

      Since we had a number of threads on Library resources, I figured we should have a place to consolidate them. If you find something of note, add it to the thread! This will probably be rather US...

      Since we had a number of threads on Library resources, I figured we should have a place to consolidate them. If you find something of note, add it to the thread!

      This will probably be rather US centric, but if something works in your neck of the woods, let us know.

      29 votes
    9. VR questions, recommendations, tips, and tricks

      I know we have a few VR veterans around the site, and given that the Steam Frame has finally materialized, we likely have some people who are soon to be new to VR. This is a topic for people to...

      I know we have a few VR veterans around the site, and given that the Steam Frame has finally materialized, we likely have some people who are soon to be new to VR.

      This is a topic for people to ask any questions they have about VR, as well as for people who are familiar to share recommendations, tips, tricks, and any other thoughts they have.

      29 votes
    10. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like loneliness, firmware and game mechanics. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like loneliness, firmware and game mechanics. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was inquisitive.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      9 votes
    11. What creative projects have you been working on?

      This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on. Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just...

      This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on.

      Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just ideas.

      If you have any creative projects that you have been working on or want to eventually work on, this is a place for discussing those.

      6 votes
    12. What did you do this week (and weekend)?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      4 votes
    13. Online visual art communities without AI?

      Hi Tildeans, I am not an artist, but I know artists who are searching for online spaces where they can post / share / engage with artwork without the AI generated art being ever-present. I’m...

      Hi Tildeans,

      I am not an artist, but I know artists who are searching for online spaces where they can post / share / engage with artwork without the AI generated art being ever-present.

      I’m wondering if anyone on Tildes is aware of platforms in the small web that are trying to accomplish this? I’m specifically looking for smaller platforms, since I think Tildes does a good job creating an online community where it feels like I’m engaging with real people. I appreciate anyone who has any suggestions!

      16 votes
    14. Tildes Book Club - Future

      This month's discussion is the last thing on the schedule. Are people interested in continuing? If so, two things will need to be decided: a new schedule, and a new host; a rotating series of...

      This month's discussion is the last thing on the schedule. Are people interested in continuing? If so, two things will need to be decided: a new schedule, and a new host; a rotating series of hosts, like in the CGA threads, is likely the most sustainable long term move IMO.

      27 votes
    15. What have you been watching / reading this week? (Anime/Manga)

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was...

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

      If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

      11 votes
    16. TV Tuesdays Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      5 votes
    17. Pulsar X2 v2 Medium mouse battery replacement

      I wanted to put out a more complete guide than what's currently available for people who may want to do this in the future; welcome to my blog. Love the mouse, but the battery wasn't lasting more...

      I wanted to put out a more complete guide than what's currently available for people who may want to do this in the future; welcome to my blog.

      Love the mouse, but the battery wasn't lasting more than 3 days.

      Here's a pic of the original battery (602030 300mAh 3.7V):
      https://drive.proton.me/urls/TT7GVDNG5C#BKMx0MHmSwvg

      I bought a replacement battery from AliExpress:
      902030 550mAh 3.7V JST 1.5mm 3pin

      Here's a pic of the final result:
      https://drive.proton.me/urls/BEMDHJH668#I2ZixElmwv7E

      There's plenty of height clearance, but no wiggle room with length and width.

      The most important tidbit is the polarity of the wires; I had to swap red(+) and black(-).

      On the original battery (all black wires) you can see the P- and P+ indicators on the original battery circuit board. In summary, the "bottom" of the connector (on the mouse) expects a positive (red wire), middle is the sensor (yellow wire), top is negative (black wire).

      The battery arrived with the red and black wires the other way around. I used the smallest flathead screwdriver to, very slightly, prop the plastic "prong" (where you see the three plastic 'prongs', not the flat side) of the red/black wire and gently pull them out. Take note of the wire's positioning (the metal bit). The top has a very tiny metal bump that "clips" against the plastic prong you lifted. Putting the wire back into the housing should be "like a glove"; no forcing.

      Everything is working without issues so far. The Pulsar software is reporting the battery level, but can't be sure if it's accurate. I also haven't had a chance to measure how long the new and improved battery lasts.

      Another tidbit, I tore the "ribbon" when taking the mouse apart.
      https://drive.proton.me/urls/DE33WP907M#Xc4A2qfEoMat

      The cable connects the side buttons. I found a replacement (no thanks to Pulsar support who told me to either pound sand because they wouldn't even hint on tech specs of the cable or pay to ship to Korea and wait months for it to get sorted which it wouldn't because me disassembling the mouse isn't covered under warranty [fair enough]).

      The exact title of the cable I ordered is: "uxcell FFC Flexible Flat Cable 10 Pins 0.5 mm Pitch B Type 80mm". The most important specifications are:

      • 10 Pins
      • .5 mm pitch
      • B Type
      • 80mm (perfect length, but can go a little shorter if you must)
      4 votes
    18. Colorado's Tildos - How-does it suit you?

      (please read as "colorados tildohs, how-dooose it suit you?") Things like Do you feel concerned about living there long term? Does the water situation bother you? Did you move there as an adult,...

      (please read as "colorados tildohs, how-dooose it suit you?")

      Things like

      • Do you feel concerned about living there long term?
      • Does the water situation bother you?
      • Did you move there as an adult, or were you raised there? How does it compare to other places, in your view?

      I have a bit of a fascination with it and have considered moving, but it's a big change from where I currently live.

      18 votes
    19. What's the oldest piece of clothing you own and still wear?

      My kids were asking me about my clothes and why I don't get new clothes. They are growing and get new clothes are they outgrow their old clothes. I was telling them I'm done growing and that my...

      My kids were asking me about my clothes and why I don't get new clothes. They are growing and get new clothes are they outgrow their old clothes. I was telling them I'm done growing and that my clothes still work so I only get a new piece of clothing every now and then, or when something I use breaks.

      It got me thinking how old some of my clothes are getting, which is a perfect question for my fellow Tilders.

      For me, the oldest t-shirt I have I still wear regularly is 17 years old from my high school American football team

      I have a dress shirt and jacket my grandpa gave me that is ~30-40 years old. When he gave it to me he said he got it when Reagen was in office.
      I kind of wish I had more of his clothes as he always made sure to dress presentable. Slacks and a button up at minimum, but I tried not to ask him for things as a lot of my family members would ask him for money and/or things and I didn't want to be like them. I mainly wanted to spend time with him and got the shirt because I mentioned needing to get a new dress shirt on the way back to university after be asked what my plans were. He took the shirt he was wearing off and then grabbed the jacket off the hook by the door before insisting I take them both since they looked good together.
      Sadly a number of my family members got into my grandpa's house after he passed away before my Dad could change the locks and a lot of things went missing, including most of his wardrobe.

      26 votes
    20. Does the dryer shrink your clothes?

      As a follow up to the "do you iron your clothes" question, does anyone else experience significant clothes shrinkage (particularly for t shirts) when they put clothes in the dryer? This never used...

      As a follow up to the "do you iron your clothes" question, does anyone else experience significant clothes shrinkage (particularly for t shirts) when they put clothes in the dryer? This never used to be a problem, but no matter what settings I use, it always seems to shrink them now!

      Anyone got any advice? I am currently hanging my best clothes to avoid shrinkage, but a better solution would be preferred.

      20 votes
    21. What are your current pain points with Linux?

      Linux has certainly come a long way, but it's also got room to grow. What are the things that are current issues with Linux for you? Annoyances, incompatibilities, lack of polish, etc. Also, if...

      Linux has certainly come a long way, but it's also got room to grow.

      • What are the things that are current issues with Linux for you? Annoyances, incompatibilities, lack of polish, etc.
      • Also, if you're willing, share your level of experience with Linux (e.g. newbie, seasoned veteran, etc.). (I imagine those new to the OS will have very different pain points than people who have been using it for 20+ years).

      Importantly, I ask this NOT to have people dunk on Linux or to start arguments about different aspects of it, but I do so to start a conversation about what could be better/smoother/easier. I love Linux and love that it just keeps getting better, day after day and year after year. The idea of highlighting where it could continue to grow in the future is exciting to me.

      80 votes
    22. Do you iron your clothes?

      I can't imagine anyone doing this regularly but at the same time, people at work have wrinkle-free clothes! I hear people take their clothes to the laundromat to avoid doing so, but that seems...

      I can't imagine anyone doing this regularly but at the same time, people at work have wrinkle-free clothes!

      I hear people take their clothes to the laundromat to avoid doing so, but that seems like it'll get expensive.

      How do you manage to keep your office clothes neat and presentable?

      37 votes
    23. 'Sayonara Lara' anime discussion

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      A bit late to the party. How did you feel about the show?

      The retro 90s artstyle is definitely the highlight for me. Really gave me fluffy feeling of watching anime when I was (more) little.

      Though that look was not a straight copy but got updated with some slight modern touches,

      like how the story is also an expanded version of the original fairy tale with a more contemporary view about love.

      Now romance is not my strong suit so what I could glean from the story is pretty rough. How I interpret the ending is something like the beginning of a long-distance relationship, Lara went out to explore more of the human world she loves, while being secured that the connection she formed with her loved ones back home would remain strong.

      A running theme of the story is how there's no one singular "true love". This was stated most explicitly when Lara saved Mari from the fish dagger, she yelled about how she didn't need true love but only to be "in world with you [Mari]". One way to interpret that Mari was her true love, but I think it's more interesting if she wasn't "the" one, but that didn't matter because Lara cared about her enough to go through the struggle for her, and that was enough to dispell the curse.

      Another point for this being how the mermaids' light power worked is in Grace flashback, we was shown that Rigmore loved Rowan enough that her light could keep the kingdom alive as what everyone wanted, but she also loved Grace enough to come rushing and sacrificed her life for her. So which love was more "true"? Of course both were, and that was okay. Lara desperately searched for an ultimate love but maybe what the light required was just that she loved something/someone strong enough.

      Earlier the show hinted at it being about multiple forms of love when Mari's brother complained about how he would never be able to find love, but his grandma reminded him that she loved him too (to which he said that's not the same). The show made it clear enough that her affection for Luca was genuine (she mentioned feeling a sense of warmth when being with him that she didn't feel with other people). It wasn't necessarily that she loved Mari more, her feeling for Mari was just different. It's most straightforward to see the ending as yuri but I see them behaving more like sisters with each other. Beside, Lara is a grown-ass adult no matter how you interpret her age while Mari is still a highschooler so making a couple would be really weird.

      Another reason why I think Mari was not "the one" of the story is the fact that we're introduced to her being curious about human artifacts first and foremost. If being forced to pick one thing, I'd say her love of human culture was the "truer" one and her infatuation with the prince (then Luca and Mari) are partly because they were a part of this culture she was enamored with. (This is how I felt about the original fairy tale as well. If the prince was meant to be her true love, it could have been more effective to introduce her starting out hating humanity, but this particular prince changed her and won her over.)

      And so this ambiguous ending worked for me. She was finally free to live true to herself and explore what she loved most which is human culture, not just being with any one particular human.

      Something I'm also curious about is the red/blue color scheme for the mermaids. There must be some significance to who was chosen as red or blue but I couldn't quite tease it out yet.

      Someone said Sayonara Lara sounds better than Goodbye Lara so that's what I go with for the title :)

      10 votes
    24. An insight into looksmaxxxing/blackpill "ideology"

      A few months ago someone posted an article on the male loneliness epidemic. I had shared my thoughts in the comments on that post. But I think that article and a lot of comments are under the...

      A few months ago someone posted an article on the male loneliness epidemic. I had shared my thoughts in the comments on that post. But I think that article and a lot of comments are under the impression that "redpill" content/ideology is still in vogue or relevant in today's world. It still has its followers and influencers for sure, but it's not at the forefront of cultural discussions anymore. To think otherwise is outdated, the redpill era died around 2022/2023 and was replaced by a more incel-derived "blackpill" era.

      Thanks to TikTok, what was once relegated to niche internet forums became mainstream. The biggest influencer from this internet phenomenon is Clavicular, who is currently getting articles written about him in press outlets such as The Hollywood Reporter and People.

      I am no stranger to talking about looks (side note: I would have taken more time to write that out and discuss broader topics, such as "types," if I had known it would have gotten as much attention as it did). And I have been around looksmaxxxing spaces on the internet since about 2022. I'll try to make this as brief and simple as I can.

      What is the blackpill?

      The blackpill is a deterministic outlook on life. It states that your genetics determines the quality of your life, and if you were not born with advantageous bone structure and height, then "it was over before it even started." You won't be successful in life, you won't find love, and you will end up a lonely, pathetic person wishing you'd been born looking better.

      How does this differ from the redpill?

      The redpill has some overlap with the blackpill. Both believe that men are the true victims of society. That feminism has been detrimental, this and that, and the other. The redpill, however, insinuates that you can self-improve. There's almost zero focus on improving looks, and it's almost entirely focused on making money and increasing your status.

      A core belief of the redpill is that all women are gold diggers, and in order to get laid, you need to make a ton of money. The blackpill does not entirely dispute this, but it does say that if a woman chooses you for money, she will never actually love you. And that you are paying a lot of money for affection and attention that an attractive man gets for free.

      I think that explanation in and of itself should show you the difference between the two.

      What's looksmaxxxing? Are looksmaxxxing and the blackpill interchangeable terms?

      They are not.

      Looksmaxxxing is what guys do to look better, to increase their rankings on the looks scale. So that they can start getting laid (primarily) or start to "mog" (i.e., outshine everyone in a room).

      In certain blackpill spaces looksmaxxxing is seen as cope, since, again, your life was determined by genetics and there's nothing you can do to fix this.

      You might think looksmaxxxing consists of losing body fat, getting a skin care routine, dressing nicely, hygiene, and cologne. And that is part of it, all of that stuff is considered "softmaxxxing" but there's also "hardmaxxxing" as in surgeries and other more serious treatments such as steroids and peptides (which technically occupy a grey area between soft and hard maxxxing). An example of a popular surgery is double jaw surgery, here's the subreddit for it so you can see examples. If your jaw was not properly developed and you have a recessed chin (or a pushed-in chin), then a double jaw surgery is something you can do that would greatly increase your attractiveness. Although it does carry quite a bit of risk. There are other surgeries that people do on their eyes, their noses, ear pinning, there's a lot.

      It is essentially a belief that your best investment is going to be in how you look. It's a bit of a running joke that instead of going to college, you should invest in plastic surgery, and that will do more to make your life better than a degree.

      How do they view women? How do they view themselves?

      The belief is that women are hypergamous. That they will only want to date up, and it's significantly easier for women to date and get laid, even if they are below average looking. And that even an above average looking man will have trouble since they aren't the holy grail of attractiveness.

      Here's a brief explanation of their rating system.

      • Sub-5

      5 is considered average; sub-5 means below average. Not even that you don't get attention but that you get negative attention from the people around you.

      • Low-Tier Normie / Low-Tier Becky
      • Mid-Tier Normie / Mid-Tier Becky
      • High-Tier Normie / High-Tier Becky

      The "normie" categories are all average categories. Ranging from on the low side of average (LTN) to above average (HTN). The High Tier categories are where a lot of attractive actors sit, think romcom leads, the boy/girl next door types.

      • Chad/Stacy

      Essentially unobtainable beauty. Taylor Hill or Henry Cavill.

      Depending on who you're talking to, someone would say that "life starts at HTN" or that life doesn't exist unless you're "Chad." And that if you're anything below that, you might as well not even exist.

      How did it get popular?

      The first instance most people probably heard of it was likely in 2014 when Elliot Rodger committed a mass shooting at a University. He was a member of a looksmaxxxing forum (the original looksmaxxxing forum, I believe), which led to the site being shut down and thus delaying any chance of its popularity. If you go back and watch and read what Elliot Rodger believed, it makes more sense in today's context now that this thought process has been more normalized.

      In 2023, TikTok started promoting this content. Primarily from "edits" here's an example and coinciding with that were also the rise of a few influencers. All leading up to Clavicular, and how dominant he is on social media (thanks in part to funding from Peter Thiel). He was a kid posting on looksmaxxxing forums, was a micro celebrity in the niche, became a slightly bigger internet celebrity on TikTok before streamers started bringing him on leading to his insane fame.

      Conclusion

      Going back to the initial tildes post that I linked to. That whole thing was essentially saying, if you're just a good person, then someone will want to date you or fall in love with you or want to have sex with you or whatever. And I think part of the reason why looksmaxxxing stuff has taken off is that it feels more honest. It's not coddling you, and if you do improve your looks, you're going to see better results in dating than if you read feminist literature or something. So the takeaway ends up being that one of these places was telling me the truth.

      Like, on a broader scale, it's a response to the body positivity stuff from the 2010s. When everyone was being told that it's okay if you're obese, it's healthy, it's beautiful. And there was just kind of a sense of performance to all of it.
      The effort to change what people are attracted to, or to shame people for not being attracted to a certain thing. Has it gone too far? Probably, but I think that's why it took off initially and why it grew so quickly.

      I obviously have my own personal experience about this, and so I very obviously know that it's not just what's inside that counts. Normal everyday people will make assumptions about you based on the way that you look. And I don't think it's a morally wrong thing to acknowledge that it happens, nor do I think it's a morally righteous thing to pretend like it doesn't.

      45 votes
    25. What have you been listening to this week?

      What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as...

      What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

      Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

      You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

      http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

      Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

      8 votes
    26. What are the genuinely worst films of all time?

      Inspired by the recent post about "The Last Photograph" by Zack Snyder being awful. It makes me wonder: what are some truly awful films? I don't mean "so bad they're funny" like Plan 9 from Outer...

      Inspired by the recent post about "The Last Photograph" by Zack Snyder being awful. It makes me wonder: what are some truly awful films?

      I don't mean "so bad they're funny" like Plan 9 from Outer Space my beloved or Birdemic (still laugh at how the most emotion we got from the male lead was telling the female lead "you look fine" right before sex). I also don't mean "awful just because they're racist/offensive/etc." like Birth of a Nation, or propaganda films or films with agendas.

      I want to know about truly awful films that are considered just plain bad.

      45 votes
    27. Deciding whether (or not) to have a child

      My partner and I have long been on the fence about whether or not to have a child. Now we're approaching middle age, it feels like it's a 'now or never' decision point, and ... well, I'm still...

      My partner and I have long been on the fence about whether or not to have a child. Now we're approaching middle age, it feels like it's a 'now or never' decision point, and ... well, I'm still torn.

      On the one hand, I see the state the world is in. I'm keenly aware of the latest climate projections and what they mean (I also know enough to know how much we can still improve things if we decide to). I'm afraid of escalating instability and societal strife. What if I can't get my medications? I don't know how I'd go on even without a child in the picture. I still struggle to accept the world as it is, which is quite a bit bleaker than it was portrayed to me growing up. I spent years of my life wishing I was not born. How could I bring a child into that circumstance?

      On the other hand, I'm really, really good with kids (and teenagers!) and find relationships with them really rewarding. I love spending time with my nieces, nephews, and friends' kids, and it leaves me wishing I could also shape a human with the values and priorities that are most important to me - stewardship, patience, music. I don't want the religious wingnuts to be the only ones shaping the next generation! My partner and I have a lot of privileges and would be able to offer a lot to a child, from quality education, to a fantastic extended family, to multiple powerful citizenships / passports. Hell, our parents would even move in to help us out with childcare for at least the first few years. You can't ask for much more than that.

      Obviously this is a big question, and it's one my partner and I are talking about extensively. I'm also going to return to counseling soon to piece through things.

      I'm certain that others on Tildes have also navigated this question. Do any of my thoughts resonate with you? What did you decide and why? Are you happy with your choice?

      And has anyone adopted? Adoption is the dark horse here. Once upon a time that was my preferred route, but now that I've spent a lot more time reading about the risks and realities I've cooled on it a bit. I am certain I can deal with many challenges of raising a child, but not stuff like oppositional defiance or connection disorders, which occur at ~2x the rate in adopted children, many of whom have trauma. They deserve love too, but unfortunately I have limits due to my own mental health troubles. And all of that is to say nothing of the often sketchy or uncomfortable legal and societal circumstances of adoption.

      I deeply appreciate any and all thoughts and experiences you take the time to share.

      48 votes
    28. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      8 votes
    29. Share your favorite live music performance recordings

      As Youtube has become my primary method of discovering new music over time, I find myself listening mostly to live recordings of both old artists I have been a fan of for a long time, but also...

      As Youtube has become my primary method of discovering new music over time, I find myself listening mostly to live recordings of both old artists I have been a fan of for a long time, but also especially new artists (both new and new to me)

      I could go on and on about how I feel about modern studio recording, and music industry in general, but I think people mostly know all this, and live music has been a counter to some of these trends, as a place to find more authentic musical connection between artists and audiences.

      I have discovered a few new artists through discussions here on Tildes before, so I thought I would ask people to recommend their favorite live music recordings. Most specifically I am looking for live performances that are both great themselves, and also well captured/recorded so that they can be listened to as a studio album would (there are a lot of live sets recorded by people holding cellphones, which usually have audio ranging from bad to terrible.) Also would love to see examples of complete sets/concerts rather than single songs. I love listening to "long form" music so to speak, and appreciate the journey that is often consciously crafted when artists put together their live sets.

      And it doesn't have to be a critical or formal recommendation, doesn't have to be the best of that artist or genre or anything like that - I am more interested in the personal faves, anything that resonates with you specifically for whatever reason, that you can go back to over and over. Basically, recommend a live music recording you have personally listened to in its entirety at least 5 times. I am open to any genres or time periods (as long as the quality is decent enough to listen to for pleasure)

      I'll include my own picks in a comment below. Thanks !

      Edit: thank you all for the recommendations - looks like it is going to take me a few weeks to go through these :) Quite a variety of different genres too, and a lot of new to me artists, which is great.

      19 votes
    30. What have you been watching / reading this week? (Anime/Manga)

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was...

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

      If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

      11 votes
    31. Help me choose a small electric car

      I moved from Europe back to the US Midwest this spring. While I'm still getting my financial situation stabilized, I will at some point in the next year or so need to buy my own car (currently I...

      I moved from Europe back to the US Midwest this spring. While I'm still getting my financial situation stabilized, I will at some point in the next year or so need to buy my own car (currently I am living with my parents and borrowing their cars as needed). Given the state of the world and gas prices, an electric car seems like a no-brainer to me. Less maintenance and with current gas prices I'd save money even if I could only charge at the stations in my neighborhood, much less if I install something simple at home. I'm an anxious driver and have incredibly little desire to drive long distances, so range is also not super important to me.

      The problem I've found is that I'm not a "car person" and I'm not sure how to find and pick the right car for me. I figure we've got some car people here on Tildes who will have a better idea of the market and manufacturers involved.

      My parameters:

      • No Tesla. This is non-negotiable. I will buy an ICE vehicle before I get a Tesla.
      • Nothing super luxury. I'm not made of money. I know there aren't any really cheap electric cars available that I'd dream of here in the States yet, but I want to stay as affordable as possible.
      • I do not want anything bigger than a sedan. SUVs and crossovers make me nervous and I want to drive a small car.
        • A hatchback would actually be my preferred form factor, but I don't think there's many options of that size. The only one I've found upon searching is the Fiat 500e, which appeals to me for that reason.
        • ICE cars who appeal to me in terms of size and design include the MINI Cooper 2-door, the Volkswagen beetle, and the Kia soul.
      • I'm not wed to getting a new car, but as an anxious driver (thus wanting a lot of the fancy modern safety features and alerts) and someone who isn't super knowledgeable about cars (thus not wanting to rely on my own ability to spot a dud before buying it), I'm leaning towards it. I'll take suggestions for used cars to look for, but keep in mind that since I'm in the Midwest, there may be a smaller pool of used EVs available for me to buy locally.
      35 votes
    32. Independents/freelancers: how do you find new business?

      I struggle with this myself. And after speaking to dozens of independents, they either rely on word of mouth from previous contracts or have the one long term contract and hope it doesn’t end. But...

      I struggle with this myself. And after speaking to dozens of independents, they either rely on word of mouth from previous contracts or have the one long term contract and hope it doesn’t end.

      But that’s not actionable for acquiring new business, it’s kinda like waiting for the rain to fall.

      Then there is the crowd that sells LinkedIn masterclasses where posting everyday just the right AI generated words will generate infinite inbound messages and business opportunities, they promise.

      I don’t believe in the LinkedIn miracle, I think these courses are a scam.

      But I don’t have an alternative either and need to acquire new business to remain financially sustainable.

      I do custom software engineering (custom line of business applications) on my own, and devops + infra with a couple of friends (we each have a specialty and we split the work based on our strengths)

      So, independent tilderinos, how do you find new business and keep your business afloat?

      14 votes
    33. 'Jaadugar: A Witch's Life in Mongolia' discussion

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      What do you guys think about the anime?

      I thought it was excellent. The art is impeccable and the historical matters were handled with great care. Studio Saru is on fire lately.

      In particular, I was impressed with how the story approaches Sitara's desire for revenge,

      and how it relates to their suffering due to conquests by the Mongols.

      On the one hand, what they did to her family was a justifiable reason for hatred and for her wanting to never acknowledge their goodwill, which was built on the bloodshed of her own people to begin with.

      It's interesting how except for the first few episodes where the attrocity of the Mongol was shown explicitly, the latter episodes mostly portrayed the Mongol people in good light and any act of cruelty only implied (e.g. Ogedei was shown looking sorrowful during the subjugation of Merkit's uprising but not how he killed them, he was constantly forgiving of Toregene but the fact that they had a son despite her open contempt suggested it was likely forced). This puts us in their shoes regarding how tempting it is to forget about the horrible past and just move on.

      On the other hand, the story also shows how her quest for vengance might be misguided, fueled more by tribalism than justice. She ignored any kindness the people around showed her and considered all Mongolian as enemy. She thought of the suffering that the Jin people will suffer in Tului's conquest and was willing to ignore it because they're not on her side ("to them she's just another Mongol").

      She was self-assured that her version of knowledge is correct (the debate about the cause of star movement with Ogedei, an excellent scene) and thus maybe be oblivious to the fault of her own side. It was hinted that Zumurrud (another slave in the old Fatima's household) might have been forcefully taken from her previous home and had been suffering during her time there as well, but Sitara was likely too young to notice.

      So does the show wants to say revenge is bad and one should ignore wrongdoings in the past, or is it that revenge is fine even when not everyone affected is a bad person? My interpretation is that Sitara was tragic character born out of horrible circumstances.

      In the beginning the show made a point about how pursuing knowledge is a path toward figuring out the right thing, and how inspired she was by the idea. But during her time in Mongolia, we saw her constantly suppressing her desire to learn about the new culture in order to keep her hatred alive. This was a flaw in her character, but it was a flaw born out of the trauma caused by the Mongols when they violently subjugated her people.

      Sitara's sense of loyalty was also a bit warped as well, she saw her quest as doing right by her master Fatima as a slave, despite how in the final moment Fatima already acknowledged Sitara as her daughter.

      We see how lonely and miserable Sitara and Toregene were by insisting on holding onto their grudge, but Khulan who resigned to her new life was also not happy either, so maybe that was not something they could have chosen.

      Earlier during its run there were complaints that the show romanticized slavery but I don't think that's the case, the critiques was there just unstated.

      10 votes
    34. What did you do this week (and weekend)?

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do...

      As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

      5 votes
    35. How have you helped someone without them knowing?

      It could be a deliberate anonymous act, or simply a knock-on effect from something you did. Whatever it is, the person didn’t know that you did something to help them, but you absolutely did. The...

      It could be a deliberate anonymous act, or simply a knock-on effect from something you did.

      Whatever it is, the person didn’t know that you did something to help them, but you absolutely did.

      The help can be small or big, serious or funny, meaningful or inconsequential.

      Tell us all about it.

      29 votes
    36. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like macklemore, steam frame and rockstar games. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like macklemore, steam frame and rockstar games. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was suspicious.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      10 votes
    37. Just got laid off. Now what?

      This is my first time getting laid off. Still processing it. My job was starting to feel like a slog so it honestly feels like a burden has been lifted. But a different, more unfamiliar (maybe...

      This is my first time getting laid off. Still processing it. My job was starting to feel like a slog so it honestly feels like a burden has been lifted. But a different, more unfamiliar (maybe even somewhat interesting) burden has replaced it - financials.

      I know I can file for unemployment. I have to handle some other dumb stuff like 401k, HSA, health insurance. it's kinda more annoying than anything else.

      I have some severance but not sure how long it'll take to find a job and I've heard it's hard out there.
      I would also love to figure out how to be financially dependent while working for myself but don't know where to start for that.

      Looking for any advice from the Tilderino fam.

      45 votes
    38. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      4 votes
    39. Billing for web hosting

      Hi all, I just finished building a static webpage for a local artist. She's been generous and sociable, paying me $100/hr for my work. Despite some reservations toward taking responsibility over...

      Hi all,

      I just finished building a static webpage for a local artist. She's been generous and sociable, paying me $100/hr for my work. Despite some reservations toward taking responsibility over other people's hosting, she's asked me for a monthly rate to host the site. Right now I'm looking at renting a basic Hetzner VPS for $10/month. This would come at the added benefit of scaling up over time for other clients.

      I want to work toward establishing good business practices, and that means charging people fairly - i.e. never simply because I can. Aside from the cost of hosting, how do you measure the cost of responsibility over a static site? A one-time setup fee? Hoping for some input from people who have more business experience than myself.

      Edit:

      Part of the goal is to host multiple artist pages on the same site, and apply some server software I've developed that allows for event coordination etc. I need a VPS for that.

      I've run this idea by my client, who is part of the art collective, and she's in favor of it. I'm going to charge $50 for setup and $10/month for the first three months, then adjust in the new year based on how it's going.

      29 votes