Recently learned from this Kurzgesagt video that rogue AI agents can act independently, covertly, and effectively in a harmful way-- and it's already done this repeatedly as of the past few months, and it's capable of self-improving quickly. I also watched this Emergent Garden video which included a demonstration of how rogue AI agents can escape sandboxes, hack systems, and do self-preservation and replication.

(Edit: Kurzgesagt's video was more "doomsday" and Emergent Garden's was more balanced. The latter demonstrated that it's not too difficult to push publicly available AI agents to misbehave, and not too difficult to create a simple self-replicating self-iterating AI worm, and concluded that although current guardrails are reasonably effective, major cybersecurity incidents are likely to occur within the next couple years due to rogue AI swarms.
I'm not concerned that AI is becoming "sentient" or that we're getting AGI soon. AI doesn't need to be smart to do a lot of damage.)

I don't trust that the big corporations that own and control a lot of this AI tech care about data privacy and public welfare, but even if they did, they don't seem capable of actually controlling their own AI agents and preventing these rogue incidents.

So much of modern society's infrastructure is dependent on the internet and digital tech in general. It all seems so vulnerable. "AI psychosis" seems to be rampant in a lot of CEO's / high-level decisionmakers, leading to a lot of access and data being given to AI agents. For example, Proton's CEO seems to be pushing for reckless AI use in what's supposed to be a privacy-first, security-first platform.

I'm averse to any sort of "doomsday" predictions/fearmongering, but I do feel concerned about this and I'm not sure if I'm overreacting. The idea that AI poses a viable existential threat to humanity feels like such an extreme belief, though I'm not sure how to refute it other than "other doomsday-type ideas have been proven to be overhyped" and "AI companies are exaggerating it to create hype that makes their AI tech look very powerful". How alarmed should I actually be about this, if at all? Is it realistic to think that a "cyber pandemic/lockdown" might happen in the near future (some scenario wherein global internet becomes generally unsafe/inaccessible and we'll be restricted to small local networks)?

How are you updating your personal cybersecurity in 2026?

I'm considering leaving Protonpass but also not sure if the alternatives (1Password, Bitwarden) are better. I'm hoping to find a password manager that's secure, not AI vibe coded, reasonably priced, and run by reasonably morally ok people. Is that possible? I'm also genuinely considering just going back to having some sort of personal cipher / password hint system + writing it down on paper so it's completely offline.

How concerned should I be about digital banking? I'm considering at least having printed out records of bank balances, in case of a scenario wherein digital banks' records are affected.

How are you balancing cybersecurity measures with practicality / ease-of-use?

I'm not an advanced techie myself, and I'd also like to get non-techie family members onboard with better cybersecurity measures, so for example if I encourage them to use a password manager it would need to have friendly UI too.

I don't think I'll be able to 100% remove my dependency on big tech companies like Google, Meta, and Apple.

The amount of time and energy I devote to improving my personal cybersecurity will be limited, since it's of course competing with everything else in my life requiring attention and care.

So I'm just trying to collect info and tips, and see what I can implement from there.

Hi all. I'm working on an idea for my next desktop/workstation build since I stumbled into some resources that make something more awesome than what I currently have a reasonable option.

What I want to use (because I already have these and thus can save money - got a bunch of rackmount computers at auction and got pretty lucky): infinite sticks of 16GB DDR4 3200 (ok, so I have 20 sticks left after selling a bunch, not exactly infinite but good enough for wanting a single maxed-out build) and 4 RTX A4000 16GB cards. Probably I only intend to use 2 of those and sell the other 2. I also am spoiled for options with various 4U rackmount server cases and a couple of them have 1,000W power supplies (the 2 computers that each had 2x A4000 cards had 1kW power supplies).

My current desktop is an i9-11900k / 64GB DDR4 3200 / RTX A2000 6GB. At first I was interested in just popping a couple of the A4000 cards in but then research banged my head into the issue of PCIe lanes being limited by the CPU.

Options I'm currently considering are Threadripper Xen 3 generation (since that uses DDR4 3200, lets me use 8 sticks depending on motherboard, and gives me 128 PCIe 4.0 lanes), EPYC of some variety since some of those also fit into the 'can use tons of RAM and have tons of memory channels + more than enough PCIe lanes' or..... dual Xeon? AMD seems like the better choice though - but correct me if I'm missing something there.

If I've missed any other options that would give me enough PCIe lanes for at least 2 A4000 cards both connected at full PCIe 4.0x16 and the ability to utilize as much of the RAM as I have (and have the advantage of more memory channels than standard desktop processors) please let me know.

Also looking to not break the bank too much, something that fits into the sub-$2K range, or close to that, would be preferable (and cheaper being more preferable). Anything that goes past $3.5K is almost certainly not up for consideration.

Last point of consideration is that I'm not looking for any part of the new build to be less capable than what I already have, and am not looking to spend significant money for a non-significant capability increase.

Use-cases relevant to my desire for the horsepower: video rendering with Blender (I certainly wouldn't mind rendering going a lot faster when outputting H.265 or rendering hour+ videos), and dipping my toes into local AI (have been interested in this but until I lucked into the A4000 cards it wasn't really possible. With a couple A4000 cards I should be able to run some of the lighter-weight models, at least I believe so (I have, as of yet, no experience running local AI). Would be running Linux (I currently use Linux Mint). Gaming is an afterthought and I don't play anything AAA / ultra-high graphics. Mostly for gaming I just enjoy playing Magic: The Gathering Arena as I drink my morning coffee, so no major hardware requirements there.

Thoughts?

Edit: the DDR4 3200 is non-ECC RAM.

First of all, I am not asking for advice about what to invest in.

TLDR: I just want to ask for advice about how to know what to invest into?

Background information and/or irrelevant rambling below:

I have minimal experience with stocks, having only invested €2500 into a pension account thanks to it being a gift from my father some years ago. Early this year I got taxed about €200 for unrealized gains of my stocks, mainly one of them (RHM.DE) and it takes up a little more than half of the value of the stocks I have. At that point in time when I got taxed it was up almost 100% compared to when I bought it almost two years ago. It has now fallen quite far again and as a result is up less than 10% and my gains are €180 so basically the massive gains (if I had sold at the right time) got cancelled from the taxes. Although to be fair I don't actually know if that's how the tax system works, but I do know I was unlucky to not just sell it off at that peak. But speaking of luck, I am still up like 60% overall thanks to another lucky stock which is up 150% (ENR.DE) compared to when I bought it.

Again, I have no sense for economics or financials or investing lol, genuinely just lucky??

The investing I did was based entirely on Merz changing the direction of German defense policy when he got elected where he said his government will heavily invest in defense. Rheinmetall being a German weapons manufacturer, it only made sense (and it paid off for a while) and the Siemens investment I made was just an afterthought in order to not have all my eggs in one basket. I also have other stocks that are up like 60% 75%, 90%, and then get this: a stock I didn't even buy (it was like a split-off of something else, and given to me automatically?) is up over 800% so I still have an overall value of €4000 from a starting point of about €2500 and €1500 gained in less than two years is, of course, and I cannot emphasize this enough, just purely luck lol

I might as well have gone to a casino.

Long story short and reason for posting I'm now wondering what to do with that RHM.DE stock. Because it doesn't seem good anymore and maybe the ~€2100 value is better spent somewhere else? But how do I know?

Spouse and I are trying to get bids from local solar installers and we'd appreciate some crowdsourced knowledge from Tilderinos. Questions first, then some context...

• In the current market, is "no, your equipment can't talk to the Internet" actually an unreasonable demand?
• Is there a term or phrase we should be using to look for, or guide installers towards, solar setups that fully function without Internet access?
• Are there any equipment types -- microinverters, for example -- that definitely will not work due to architecture?
• Are there battery controllers, or central inverters, that are known to play nicely (read: can be expanded later) with batteries from other manufacturers?

For each installer, we start the conversation with "it's essential that the system work entirely offline, without Internet." We're flexible on nearly everything else: system size (probably ~15kW), number of panels, battery, etc. Our first concern is making sure that a 25-year investment is not dependent on some company's cloud servers; secondly, that we're not inverting our dependency graph by making our electric power reliant on the whims of our ISP. There's also the privacy angle. But we're not looking for a totally off-the-grid setup, just trying not to lock ourselves into a bad purchase.

So far, one third of the installers (3/9) have immediately told us we're unreasonable and to just go away. Two others said "sure!" and ghosted us afterwards. One was a little more forthcoming, saying that the equipment requires periodic connections to the manufacturer for monitoring and they couldn't provide a warranty without it. The last two provided bids, but it's difficult to tell if they're telling the truth given the conflicting info we've seen.

Dear Tildesterites: my trusty PC has led a dutiful life of eleven years and, along with my keyboard, has finally met its earthly doom (total organ failure). I wish it luck across the ultraviolet lithographic bridge, at the other side of which we'll someday reunite to play Skyrim together again.

In the meantime, I would like another PC on which to play various modern AAA games except for The Elder Scrolls VI. I'd intended to replace my machine ~4 years ago when it was in fairer health, but other efforts took priority. Since then, the product market has inflated in price and all the SKUs have changed, so I'm back to being mostly clueless about the state of the industry.

I put together a parts list from some basic research and would like a gut check. I'm coming from an i5-4460, GTX 970, and 16 GB RAM at 1080p 144hz, which may as well be neolithic. I only really need this PC to play video games smoothly and to do standard workstation tasks (nothing remarkable).

PCPartPicker Part List

Rationale and notes:

• 60hz to 144hz was the greatest upgrade I ever made and now it seems like 180hz or 240hz is the new 144hz. I've also wanted to move to 1440p for years. I reviewed the Gamers Nexus GPU benchmarks and it seems like 120fps+ is broadly possible at this resolution.
• Nvidia's cards seem unreasonably priced. A friend of mine offered me his RTX 3070 for free, which I would be happy to accept as a stand-in to keep the initial cost down, and in a year I might come back to get a newer card like the 9070 XT or whatever replaces it?
• I'd like an M.2 to keep cable management to a minimum.
• I will not overclock or undervolt the CPU. I'd just like it to run.
• I'd love for the thing to be quiet.

My questions are:

1. Does the build feel balanced? Are there any egregious oversights?
2. How much RAM is prudent, at what speed/latency? Do we expect prices to drop anytime soon?
3. M.2 PCIe 3.0, 4.0, or 5.0 x4? Does this matter for games? Is a dedicated OS drive still best practice?
4. IPS or OLED? WOLED or QD-OLED? Is Freesync Premium sufficient? (@AugustusFerdinand we spoke about this some time ago; has your opinion changed?)

I thank you in advance for your insights. I'm not going to buy this immediately (this summer at the earliest), but I'd like to know how close to reasonable I'm being.

I have apparently hit the limit with how many gmail addresses I can open associated with my phone number.

and honestly, I hate that I have to rely on google for the various email addresses I need.

which makes me wonder, I own a domain. can I use that to instead setup various email addresses that i can use for different purposes, just as sending or receiving and when it comes to receiving, setup some inboxes so it forward to my personal email + a friend's email?

i don't really know the best options for this or even where to start. I originally bought my domain on namecheap but I migrated it over to cloudflare so I could use it for setting up cloudflare argo tunnels.

I frequently need to source products and materials for various work projects, often from abroad, which means I can't go to a showroom to inspect quality. The visual quality (and haptic quality, which to some extent can be gauged visually) of these things is extremely important and I'm extremely fussy about what I want.

Some companies have started using AI generated product photos. No matter how perfectly they're supposed to represent the product, I really need to see a real photograph to decide whether the product is useful for me. It isn't always immediately apparent that an image is generated. This means that what was already a massive undertaking before has become double that: browsing through hundreds of options globally and painstakingly analysing the quality of each option, but now with the added step of first verifying I can actually trust what I see in the image.

I don't ever want to have to go through this verification step for the same item/company more than once. So I would need a way to blacklist product pages / manufacturer sites in a way that works for any website and is intuitive and quick to use. Ideally, I'd love a way to just put a large red "stamp" or popup (or something else that can't go unnoticed) over the page that tells me I've already inspected that site and it's not trustworthy.

Hi! My partner and I want to follow this guide and add LED strip lighting to bookcases we're putting up. Partner has significant experience with assembly/DIY home improvement projects, I have minimal but nonzero experience with soldering. We are both a bit lost on how to pick LED strip lighting and a controller.

Info about our setup:

• We will have several bookcases next to each other
• We would rather drill a slightly bigger hole in the side of the cases to pass the strip itself in between the cases rather than deal with extra soldering joints
• We have picked out conduit already (basically all of the non-electrical components)
• There are seven shelves on each case so we'll need seven LED strips
• There will be roughly 10 feet (a bit less) of strips per shelf, collectively across all the cases
• We would like to have RGB controls, but we don't care about syncing to music

Questions:

• What LED strips would you recommend? Longevity being probably the most important part
• What controller/power supply should we use? Keep in mind neither of us is super experienced with this kind of thing so the less complicated the better
• Anything else I should be asking that I'm not? Any advice in general?

Edit: Realized I sent the wrong link originally. This is the guide we're following.

If you were in a long (10–15 years is long to me) relationship but split around that mark, could you share?

Specifically what led to it, how did you know it was the right thing to do, how did you do it, and how did it go? How long did you have to think about ending the relationship before actually doing it? How did the other person react? How did you deliver the news?

And how did you handle the aftermath, both emotionally but also materially (splitting all your things, deciding who keeps what trinkets, finding separate accommodations, etc)?

I’ve been going through rough times for quite a while and I think I might have had enough… I’d like to learn from others to better understand where I’m standing.

Edit: this is not an abusive relationship, nobody is in danger from the other person, and there are no children involved. Just the feeling that it’s not working out anymore, that’s it’s become harder and harder over the last 4 years, that partner can’t accept my shortcomings while expecting me to accept theirs, and very poor decisions that led us down a path we’re having a hard time recovering from (materially and emotionally). Like something broke that can never be put back together.

Also, we’re not married and are renting. We file taxes separately and as far as the law is concerned common law requires some paperwork which we never did. So if we split we just walk away with what each has, we “only” have to figure out how to divide the stuff we owned together (appliances and that kind of stuff)

Look, I love putting on drifting, moto, and especially rally races in the background, just for the ASMR of it all, beautiful noise while I work especially. But, I have never been able to get into the competitive side, basically actively watching or thinking about it. Is there any hope? I want to enjoy actively taking part in this, but haven't found an “in” into this, to really get it, and I've tried for years.

Edit: should be noted that I am not exactly competitive, I enjoy watching and listening to golf, and that's about it for me on sports in general.

I'm finally moving out of my student flat and into an apartment with an actual proper living room. Most things are starting to get sorted, but we have no idea about TVs. Neither of us has owned one before, and our parents' ones were obtained before the advent of smart TVs, so this is completely unfamiliar territory to us. I'm basically asking for some recommendations for things to look at, not necessarily specific models but just... what brands to avoid, what featured to look out for, that sort of thing. Here are some things we want:

1. No ads in the menus or as screensavers.
2. The TV should work as an actual TV, access to channels is included in our internet subscription. That comes with some sort of box, but we don't have it yet so no idea how that actually connects.
3. Able to plug in consoles, hopefully that's a non-issue but want it noted.
4. We don't really use streaming services all that much, but we do use YouTube and Spotify, and both of those I'd like to be able to use on the TV. I pay for premium on both of those and that better work ad free on the TV too. Apart from that the only other streaming service I pay for is Dropout, and it would be nice to be able to access that somehow as well but I'm not sure how that would work (browser??)
5. I have a lot of downloaded and manually sorted media. Movies, series, a lot of anime especially. I would like to be able to access these on the TV. At the moment this lives in a dropbox and gets watched from my laptop, but that's not a good solution (I'm constantly afraid they will eventually just nuke my account, plus it's kinda expensive). I believe what I need is a simple NAS system? Advice on that specifically might be a separate topic but for the time being, I (a) want to be able to stream stuff from my laptop to the TV, ideally without a cable, and (b) it should be future-proof for when I get a NAS.

What to look out for? Can we just grab any TV we like the look of or are we limited to a handful of options?

My friend owns a circus performance company, and she got a very real-seeming request to discuss a possible wedding gig. "Client" requested that she join a meeting link at h​tt​p​s:/​/​joininivite​.​es/egooglemeet​.​us to discuss (several zero-width spaces are pasted throughout that to make it unclickable). Friend joined the call and it asked her to update software in order to join, she didn't follow any links from the site directly but tried updating Chrome through Microsoft Store etc. This sounded fishy to me so I asked to see the URL and this definitely seems like a scam.

This seems extra concerning because:

1. Initial outreach from scammer seemed genuine even when I read it specifically looking for signs of phishing
2. Initial outreach from scammer was specifically tailored to friend's website content, this is exactly the kind of gig she would get booked for
3. There were several back-and-forth legit-seeming emails before any meeting was agreed to

Friend now wants to make a post within her artist community to protect others and I'm wondering if anyone has already heard of this particular type of attack and has additional details that could help for informing non-tech-savvy performers about it (more specific than "have intuition about when URLs seem dodgy and never click install links that originated from email")

Questions first, the long backstory in the details section that follows if you care to read it. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

I've framed this in terms of parents for convenience, but of course I am interested in anyone's experience with the aging.

What did you learn later that you wish you knew about having aging parents when they started needing more care?

What resources were the most help to you navigating the transitions?

That resources do you think were the most help to your parents in navigating the transitions?

If you weren't local, what kind of things did you do to help stay connected? What worked, and what didn't ?

I'm really struggling with depression, disappointment, and worry about my parents. What advice do you have for me?

Hey all,

I've been using adblockers since the very early days they were available as Firefox Plugins, but the recent report on LG Smart TVs listening in, gathering device info, and sending it home has motivated me to do something at the level of my router.

I've got a Smart TV that's never been connected to the internet, but I want to cover all my bases. Same with my car, potentially, and the washing machine. I want to stop this crap at the source.

I've tried looking at the Pi-hole documentation but I'm confused already. I'm on MacOS and pretty comfortable using Terminal, and a Netgear Nitehawk AX2400 router.

Is it as simple as purchasing a Raspberry Pi device and then I'm good to go, or are there other things I need to buy before I jump in?

I'm sorry if this sounds stupid. I'm jealous of everyone on Tildes saying how their Pi-hole mostly protects them, and I'm so angry at this endless stream of data mining and sending it back to corporations I haven't consented to.

I don’t think I’m very creative when it comes to making semi artistic/practical real world things. The summum of my creative abilities is devising CAD models for 3D printing practical simple parts I need to improve/fix things. Not nothing, but not super artsy either.

I currently live in an apartment I don’t like and can’t move out of (life is complicated).

A big part of my dislike of this appartment is that it’s under the roof so it has slanted ceilings and these gigantic wooden pillars right in the middle of most rooms. This make the space cramped and very hard to use.

I’d like to find a way to pimp these columns up so they don’t annoy me as much. But… how would I get ideas?

All I could think of is making it into some kind of tribal totem, but I have no vision for what it’d look like nor how would I do it in practice. And preferably with upcycled or thrifted materials because I’m not investing in this place I’m renting. Also has to be fully removable for the same reason. A few holes are ok but I can’t glue things that will peel the paint or leave marks.

My general question is this: people who find cool ways of hijacking things or decorating, where do you find inspiration? How do you get ideas? Is there some sort of method for someone like me who doesn’t get it “naturally”?

edit: Thank you everyone for chiming in, I've read all the comments and will try and get inspiration from the Internet + practice. I don't have anything meaningful to add to each comment, so I'm simply adding this edit :)

I'm in a position to make decisions about our B2B product and the accompaning marketing site. This is a startup, so now's the time to set precedents before there's momentum and any sort of vendor lock-in. The only context I think is relevant is that my product is for medium sized manufacturing companies. Anyone visiting our site is doing it because they would be interested in it for their business.

I bring this up here because I know many people are privacy conscious and I want to nudge my company that direction. So I have two related but slightly different topics:.

1. for our marketing site where people come to learn about the product and try to get in touch with us - What kind of "tracking" is appropriate to you? Hubspot is one of the industry defaults that was recommended we use. However I noticed that Firefox and privacy badger block it by default. If I were to try to build it myself, it wouldn't be third party, so I don't think anything would block it (I'm aware of people that block all JS, but I'm not gonna worry about that group for my purposes.) How do you all feel about first party usage tracking for B2B?
2. Similar question here but for when people log into our product. We're looking at using posthog for this.

Any thoughts are appreciated, thanks.

Hi Tilderinos,

I've got to ship some wrought iron to a blacksmith in another country to be reforged and properly heat treated. I've worked with them before and they're far better than anything that is available in my country.

They've asked me to ship the pieces in a wooden box, that is not real wood (I don't know the English term for it). It must be processed wood, the names in our hardware stores are multiplex and plywood underlayment etc. This is to avoid customs issues with untreated wood.

I have been advised to make the sides of the box multiplex, with underlayment for the top and the bottom. I have my dimensions, but I have never done a woodworking project before and I am nervous the men in the hardware store will laugh at me for my inexperience.

I have some basic questions like:

• Is it okay to go to the hardware place and ask them to cut my pieces to size?

• The box must hold together fine, but it doesn't need to be beautiful or lasting. I am thinking of putting the top and bottom on like the back of an IKEA wardrobe, with tacks, but my wife says hiring a staple gun might save a lot of time. Would a staple gun be too aggressive and potentially wreck the rather soft treated wood?

• Lastly... Could someone just reassure me this will be fine? I associate woodworking as a very masculine 'father' skill and I did not have one of those. I have very poor spatial awareness and my wife is the furniture assembler in the house, so she will be helping me, but this is my first time trying this craft that I find very intimidating.

Thank you for any input anyone is able to provide!

Working on my graduate degree and desperately need to get better at writing. I want to write and publish a lot but my grammar and general style is quite bad. The allure of AI is forever present but I resist it to maintain my own skill.

Edit: Thank you for all the kind replies.

My partner and I have long been on the fence about whether or not to have a child. Now we're approaching middle age, it feels like it's a 'now or never' decision point, and ... well, I'm still torn.

On the one hand, I see the state the world is in. I'm keenly aware of the latest climate projections and what they mean (I also know enough to know how much we can still improve things if we decide to). I'm afraid of escalating instability and societal strife. What if I can't get my medications? I don't know how I'd go on even without a child in the picture. I still struggle to accept the world as it is, which is quite a bit bleaker than it was portrayed to me growing up. I spent years of my life wishing I was not born. How could I bring a child into that circumstance?

On the other hand, I'm really, really good with kids (and teenagers!) and find relationships with them really rewarding. I love spending time with my nieces, nephews, and friends' kids, and it leaves me wishing I could also shape a human with the values and priorities that are most important to me - stewardship, patience, music. I don't want the religious wingnuts to be the only ones shaping the next generation! My partner and I have a lot of privileges and would be able to offer a lot to a child, from quality education, to a fantastic extended family, to multiple powerful citizenships / passports. Hell, our parents would even move in to help us out with childcare for at least the first few years. You can't ask for much more than that.

Obviously this is a big question, and it's one my partner and I are talking about extensively. I'm also going to return to counseling soon to piece through things.

I'm certain that others on Tildes have also navigated this question. Do any of my thoughts resonate with you? What did you decide and why? Are you happy with your choice?

And has anyone adopted? Adoption is the dark horse here. Once upon a time that was my preferred route, but now that I've spent a lot more time reading about the risks and realities I've cooled on it a bit. I am certain I can deal with many challenges of raising a child, but not stuff like oppositional defiance or connection disorders, which occur at ~2x the rate in adopted children, many of whom have trauma. They deserve love too, but unfortunately I have limits due to my own mental health troubles. And all of that is to say nothing of the often sketchy or uncomfortable legal and societal circumstances of adoption.

I deeply appreciate any and all thoughts and experiences you take the time to share.

This is my first time getting laid off. Still processing it. My job was starting to feel like a slog so it honestly feels like a burden has been lifted. But a different, more unfamiliar (maybe even somewhat interesting) burden has replaced it - financials.

I know I can file for unemployment. I have to handle some other dumb stuff like 401k, HSA, health insurance. it's kinda more annoying than anything else.

I have some severance but not sure how long it'll take to find a job and I've heard it's hard out there.
I would also love to figure out how to be financially dependent while working for myself but don't know where to start for that.

Looking for any advice from the Tilderino fam.

Hi all,

I just finished building a static webpage for a local artist. She's been generous and sociable, paying me $100/hr for my work. Despite some reservations toward taking responsibility over other people's hosting, she's asked me for a monthly rate to host the site. Right now I'm looking at renting a basic Hetzner VPS for $10/month. This would come at the added benefit of scaling up over time for other clients.

I want to work toward establishing good business practices, and that means charging people fairly - i.e. never simply because I can. Aside from the cost of hosting, how do you measure the cost of responsibility over a static site? A one-time setup fee? Hoping for some input from people who have more business experience than myself.

Edit:

Part of the goal is to host multiple artist pages on the same site, and apply some server software I've developed that allows for event coordination etc. I need a VPS for that.

I've run this idea by my client, who is part of the art collective, and she's in favor of it. I'm going to charge $50 for setup and $10/month for the first three months, then adjust in the new year based on how it's going.

Very sorry of this is in the wrong group (or if it doesn't fit on Tildes), feel free to move or remove it if needed!

Anyway, I'm planning to import a kei truck to the US. I think I've got an idea of most of what I need to do. I found Mitsui Co. Ltd. and they seem to have decent review and people say they're helpful, and I've read a bit about finding a customs broker to handle that part of things for me, but the thing I'm specifically wondering about is... what's the process of actually picking up the vehicle? I'd likely import to the Port of Galveston, and it looks like I either need a TWIC card or a TWIC escort. I wouldn't mind getting a TWIC card, but would my girlfriend need one too if she was going to drive me? Would she be able to just drop me off and I like... walk in? If she doesn't get one but I do? Otherwise, if we just go with an escort, does anyone know how much that sort of thing costs? Do I have to pre-plan it or can I just show up on the Port with all the paperwork and stuff I need and they'll have escorts ready that I can pay for?

First, thanks to Tildoes in the previous Graphene thread for being the push I needed to ditch stock Android. 90% of my experience with it has been positive.

Where I'm left with questions is about how the system impacts device performance, internet speed and the apps themselves.

1. I'm running a Pixel 7 and unable to determine whether delayed swipes, app load times or crashing is more of an old phone issue, that Graphene is still relatively new, or something else.

2. Internet speeds, even on a 1 Gbps home network or a wireless one can be intermittent, stuttery and slow. While the catastrophist/news reader in me defaults to incoming mobile network collapse, the obvious answer is something else. Do you have this issue with your Graphene install?

3. I've created a user account with Google Play and one without (I have Aurora store there), and despite installing MicroG via ReVanced Manager, some streaming apps still don't work. Some of those being ReVanced YouTube distros. Any suggestions? Is this just par for the course? (Edit* added Revanced, not Vanced)

While I'm comfortable booting former apps from Firefox shortcuts, I'm looking to. Learn whether there's an easier way to do this.

Also, please just share your Graphene journey. How do you like it?? Do you feel so cool now??

Thanks!

I got a kiosk for two days at my school last week to present my ideas to college students to gauge interest. 16 people said they'd be interested. There's even a teacher that'd want to be involved, he teaches a game programming course. There's also a university club nearby that wants to team up. (Also mid to long term, I'm in Quebec City so I could contact the many local studios around the campus.)

I wonder what the people of Tildes expect when they hear about a video game creation club. Have you been in one before?

I wrote myself a brainstorm document, here are the general ideas:

• Every field of study is welcome. Game projects are great for multidisciplinary groups, and people can also do stuff outside their field of study.
• General roles (someone could have many): project lead, game designer, gameplay programmer, systems and tools programmer, art director, 2D/3D/animation artist, UI/UX, composer, sound designer, writer, QA, voice actor, etc.
• Around 2 hours together per week, meeting in either a classroom or a club location if we get one.
• Would be nice if people shared what they learned during the week at each session.
• Game jam orientation? A college semester lasts 15 weeks. We could pick a theme at the start to drive the game ideas we want to do. Scope control is really important.
• Building a portfolio should be a main goal.
• Do we allow people from outside the club to come hang out? There are probably solo people working on their own games.
• How to handle intellectual property? Should we eventually try to sell games for the club finances? I guess we should at least be allowed to use the games for club marketing.
• If we do console games, we'd need an NDA. Not sure a club can even get console dev access, though we could probably work with a third party for that.
• Some nice stuff: the school has a recording booth we could record voices in. We might also have access to the school's servers if we get the proper approvals.
• We could demo the games in the school's public spaces to get feedback.
• The club could have a website, itch.io page, Discord.
• How to train people who have never made a game before?

Did I overthink this or forget about important details?

Asked in ~comp thread, figured it should be its own post.

Thinking about whether I want to do some upgrades to my 10 year old PC or buy new. I could bump RAM to 16 without breaking the bank since its DDR4, and maybe splurge on a new processor, but I'm not sure if I'd just want to go with a new machine at that point, thoughts?

AMD Ryzen 3 1300
8.00GB Dual-Channel DDR4
MSI B350M PRO-VD PLUS
4GB ATI Radeon RX 480

Edit: To follow up some questions about what I'm using this computer for, not a whole lot at the moment. I was thinking of making it into a media server or a Steam OS console now that it's available to download, but it's more of a whim and a project itch to keep my mind off of personal and global events.

Edit 2: I did pick up a AMD Ryzen 5 5500 for $75 and 16GB (2 x 8GB) DDR4 3200 from Corsair for $115 from Newegg. I'll roll the die and see if it works out. Thanks for the help!

I was gifted a set of tarot cards last year, and found myself quite stunned at how well they seemed to work. The cards led me slowly toward witchcraft as a broader area of investigation and study, and I find myself quite keen to take on the mantle of “witch.”

That said, I have no earthly idea where to begin practising. There are no covens (that I am aware of) in my area to learn from, so I guess that means it’s books and online resources for me!

Are any of my fellow Tilderen witches? How did you get started, and what do you recommend I do as a complete beginner?

I'm attempting to make a font for a little kids book I'm working on and realized I don't know anything about the "theory" of font making. I feel like the choices I'm making aren't adequately reflecting the feeling I'm going for.

Has anyone attempted to make their own font? Are there any guides or materials you suggest looking at? If you're up for it I'd love if you could share it and talk about your process! Looking for a combination of guidance and inspiration!!

Cheers!

I've been having a bit of a midlife crisis (well, I'm 31 so technically not there yet but...) and was hoping maybe some kind folks on Tildes could give me some perspective. Apologies in advance for the long-winded post.

I currently work my "dream" job. I put that in quotes because I'm a freelance translator which, as you might expect, has not been the best place to be at for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, it was the job I wanted to do when I got into university 7 years ago so it's what I'd say is the only "calling" I've had.

Because I've only ever done this, I feel like I missed out on opportunities and soft skills that a person might typically develop early in their career at more typical jobs. I was fortunate to have an accommodating family who really let me try as hard as I could in the translation field until I could succeed, which unfortunately I haven't as much as I wanted to.

Because of all this, I've now been looking for non-specialized jobs anyone can do in order to at least have a more stable income. But I feel like just working at say a McDonald's or other less skilled jobs won't get me very far in life. Yes I can do translation on the side as a supplement and maybe one day I'll get lucky enough to score a well-paying client (I know it's possible but just haven't had the chance yet), but that's a lot of ifs for comfort. At the moment I can't even focus on paying my bills, let alone try to have a life outside my job or a partner or basically anything, and that's what also sorta torpedo'd the intense anxiety I've been having.

So I've been pondering seriously going back to university to get another degree, as some of my friends and acquaintances have done. The problem is I just don't know how to even go about finding something that can give me a better professional life and that I connect with in some capacity. I've been so sheltered and non-diversified for 7 years that now I have very little to connect with.

I thankfully live in a country where university is not a big financial investment, so that's not an issue. But as I've been warned by others (and agree myself), jumping into a degree when I only have nebulous ideas about my future in it is a good way to ensure I burn myself out and waste my time. I can't just pick a degree because "it'll pay well." It has to be something I can actually concentrate on and feel the drive to work toward. Otherwise I'll probably be back on this road again, just in a different way (low end skilled work is as poorly paid as unskilled work where I live).

I've been eyeing typical big engineering degrees like computer science and mechanical engineering. Looking at jobs they can provide makes them sound somewhat interesting (robots are cool, right?), but it still all feels very nebulous, like nothing fully clicks. It's like I can't find something that's more guaranteed to pay well and where I also feel "this is where I want to be."

I'm also constantly worried about "what if I choose wrong" and wondering if I won't be good enough or stand out and just set myself up for another bad career. The choice paralysis is very real. And reading testimonials online, no matter for what field, just makes things feel more bleak (I should probably stop that), though there is occasionally some positivity.

The way I describe my mental state right now is "I want a job that will let me not have to worry about surviving 24/7, but I don't know what that might look like." It could be working at McDonald's or some menial office job and then doing translation on the side (AKA the only "calling" I've ever fully clicked with), it could be becoming an engineer, or maybe it's something else entirely I haven't found yet. I don't know.

I also know that sometimes all it takes is to try something out to see if you like it, so I'm not ruling the possibility that maybe I'll just click with a degree after I get into it, but until I have that opportunity I'd like ask fellow Tildeans: how would you go about finding a new calling in life in a situation like this?

I know there's no silver bullet answer and that nobody can decide my life for me, but I feel as though I'm missing the tools to make that decision for myself.

Life is especially stressful lately, and with that my usual sleep struggles are just getting worse. When I was younger, I struggled to fall asleep - and at times, I still do - and I was able to develop some strategies that helped me soothe my overactive mind (ADHD brain goes brrrrr). As I'm getting older, I'm having a different problem come up though.

Now the trouble isn't so much getting to sleep as it is staying asleep long enough to get the rest I need, or at least want. For example, this past week has been the first week of school for me as a teacher. It is absolutely exhausting. I crash out between 8/9pm every night. Then I find myself awake at 2/3am without fail and just toss and turn until either I eke out a half hour of sleep before my alarm at 5am or just give up and get up.

Of course those hours I spend lying awake in bed are the perfect time for my mind to turn to dark and terrible thoughts as well. The small hours of the morning are apparently perfect for this. That's a whole other thing I'm working on dealing with.

I know this isn't a unique problem, I know that there isn't a catch all solution, I'd just love to hear some different ideas on what to do about it.

I'm asking "I" in the sense that I'd personally like an answer to this question, but really this is more about using VPNs in general.

Currently, I just use the server with the lowest latency because that gives me the least friction.

However, thinking about the GDPR in the EU, or California's data privacy protections: should I be strategically choosing a server based on those? Is there any benefit to having my traffic routed through a jurisdiction like that, or does that not really matter?

EDIT: To further clarify: will all the different websites out there log less data or treat my data differently if they believe my traffic is coming from the EU/California?

Hi, my family is moving to Japan in November, from US Midwest to Noto/Kanazawa area, and I’m wondering if there are things recommended to specifically bring from the US or things to wait to buy in Japan due to quality or price differentials (or straight up availability).

I’m 6’3”, so I’m buying shoes/boots/sandals in US, as well as pants/shirts. My wife is similarly tall. Kids are tall for their age, but still will get clothes in jp.

We are moving solely by plane, so no shipping containers or other moving services— it has to fit in suitcases.

If anyone can speak to online shopping in rural Japan, let me know if that’s as ubiquitous as it is here (it’s something I personally almost never do here, but i assume I’ll have to do more in jp just for sizing when it comes to clothes, though I’m not a big wardrobe guy anyway).

Bonus question: family cargo ebikes in Japan? Is that common yet? I’ve got an Urban Arrow here and it’s probably by favorite object of mine, and would love to get something similar (or long tail passenger rack) in jp.

Thanks!

I have found a yixing teapot at a consignment store in the US, and despite the usual advice of "assume it to be bootleg," it seems to be handmade, and from yixing clay.

However, I am having trouble ascertaining identity beyond "yep that's a handmade clay teapot." It has some bamboo motifs that do not seem to fit in any of the online examples I have found concerning teapot shapes, and I have also had trouble in identifying the 3 makers marks present on the teapot. The marks themselves are under the lid, under the main body, and at the 'root' of the handle. Took pictures at multiple orientations for lighting purposes, and frankly, because idk which side is "up" for the characters. I have also included some images to indicate that it's made from clay, and that it's handmade, or at the very least not something pulled from a mold. The black and white and red flecks in the up close shots, the grooves in the bottom interior of the pot indicate it was made with hand tools, no dimples in the interior wall facing the handle to indicate use of a mold, as well as the bamboo branch 'loops' themselves all indicate to me that this had to be made by hand.

Link to the album to the teapot in question: https://ibb.co/album/Zp9BnC

It's a nice mystery to have. I can't imagine it to be anything worthy of a museum, the bamboo motifs certainly do make it seem like it's something quite special, however they also make it hard to discern what the exact geometry of the pot to be when looking at a chart like this: https://www.cnteaspirit.com/shapes-of-yixing-teapot-the-ultimate-guide/ (the closest I think is "Fang Gu" but it could easily be the "Zhu Gu" or "Zhu Duan" special forms, due to the bamboo). I have not seen any bamboo branch loops in any of the examples I have found, so my curiosity is piqued even more.

I am curious to see what anyone can make out of the translations!

Hi all! I'm starting a (very) small business in the near future, and I am looking for some advice (or just encouragement or reality checks, anything helps). For clarity, I'm in the US and want to make/sell products of my own design without screwing myself over through lack of planning.

Has anyone here ever tried to start a small business like this? Or interacted with the US patent system?

Any advice or anecdotes are welcome!

Hi folks. I'm in way over my head with an AWS problem. Mainly because I don't understand how to use AWS at all, but in 2013 I used a tool called FastGlacier to backup my data (including baby picture and videos) to Amazon Glacier. I also had them on a local drive and a HDD I gave to a friend. Alas, my drive failed a few years ago, and he lost the other in a move.

Anyway, I'm not a coder, and AWS baffles me. I'd like to retrieve these data but don't know where to start. Would anybody well versed in AWS be willing to walk me through the process? The AWS guidance is over my head.

Many thanks in advance.

I've got a "holy grail" TT faculty position at an R1 university, but I'm seriously considering leaving academia. It's a fit issue, and I've had a major mental health development that has definitely changed the equation for me. I would welcome non-academic or non-TT or non-faculty input as well. It would be an immense life change for me and my family, so I'd like to look at it from all sides, and I think Tildes would be a great place to do that.

Please let me know if you're interested in a discussion or just give freeform advice. I'll update this post with specific questions if this gets any traction.

My thanks!

I'm looking for a new laptop as my current one is falling apart, and one option that seems quite tempting at the moment is getting a desktop machine, leaving it running away in the background, and then accessing it using remote desktop software from a laptop (or even tablet) most of the time. My logic is that I want a fairly decent device for programming on and occasional games, but I also want something portable that I can carry into every room of my flat. I've also been experimenting more with Tailscale and using my laptop as a remote development machine and my phone as a dumb terminal while traveling abroad, and that's worked fairly well, so I'm interested in how far I can take this concept. Plus the idea of also being able to use my main device as a small homelab is kind of appealing as well.

The plan would be:

• Framework Desktop sits somewhere at home and is on all the time. My wife has a Framework laptop that she's quite impressed with, I realise the value proposition for desktop computers is less given there's already so much possibility to configure and upgrade, but I've never built a PC myself before and I don't want to complicate this setup too much.
  '* A dumb terminal device that I can carry around with me. For now, that'll probably be my current laptop as long as it lasts, but in the future maybe a cheap Chromebook or even a tablet that I can connect a keyboard and mouse to.
• Moonlight/Sunshine setup for the remote desktop side of things. From what I can tell, this can stream both individual applications but also the whole desktop, and works with various clients.
• Tailscale to access all of this outside the home. This is less important but it would be convenient. And if I go down the homelab direction, also for being able to access my self-hosted services remotely or running my personal website off my own hardware.

Things I'm concerned about:

• German connection speeds are, broadly speaking, poor, especially with upload speeds. I'm looking at maybe 300M down, 50M up. Inside my local network that won't affect me, but if I did want to take my laptop with me, I don't have a good sense of whether the remote desktop aspect is really feasible.
• The Framework desktop - I like the company, and I like the idea of a repairable desktop that's still sold as a single unit and not something where I need to buy everything myself. But I also don't have a good sense of how much of a premium I'd be paying here, vs either building something completely from scratch or buying a more typical desktop
• The laptop would probably live in the living room because that's where all the other technology (in particular the modem) in our house lives. It's fine if it makes a noise while I'm actively using it to watch things, but I'd need it to be very quiet the rest of the time. Framework does sell a fan that is specifically designed to be quiet, but I'm not sure if this is "it's quiet compared to having a normal computer fan on" or "it's quiet compared to having turned all my devices off for the night".

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of setup, and is this something that would reasonably work, or am I completely missing something obvious that makes this a terrible awful idea that nobody should do?

Thanks in advance!

He's Canadian and he'll always have the most ridiculous source (see the post title) or the worst, goalpost-moving response ("who said that?" "how?" "well the lady said there was no impact because they just didn't get their $50M payday but they still had all the medicine." "I don't think the number is zero, but it's not what people said it would be.")

I know the easiest answer is just ignore him like most people do. But it is so infuriating when there are hundreds of thousands of people actively dying.

https://ibb.co/8gNqgSKR

so, I want to create a sliding shelf system

ideally, in its stationary state (ie when its near the roof and not taking up any walking around space), its only 27 inches tall so that its not low enough to get in the way of me
and when I need it, I can I pull it down to access stuff on it. the lowest I can pull it without it getting in the way of anything is 63 inches from the roof. but I doubt I would ever need to pull it that low, just wanted to make it clear the range I have the potential for.

it can be a max of 20 inches wide without getting in the way of either cabinet door on either side.

the kitchen is too small for me to allow it to rest on the ground and since I live in a rental, I don't want to drill into the wall and am instead looking to anchor it to piece of wood that would be resting on top of the cabinets on either side.
the piece of wood (or multiple pieces of wood, I don't know what is best) can be 4 inches wide by 11 inches high and the space above the cabinets can provide for 10 inches of depth for the wood to rest on.

is what I am envisioning possible?

I assume I have to custom make this myself and cant order something like this from a store?

So the Mrs. and I are planning on a trip to Japan for June of this year. I received a tip to take a look at the deals found on said travel agency and I was impressed. I made a cursory research on the legitimacy of the service and found that it does deliver. I took the dive and got myself booked--with an additional fee to cancel and have my deposit fully refunded. Since then I've been looking more and more into their services and find that way too many reviews are overwhelmingly negative. The corresponding Reddit board screams "don't do it!" (though most of the posts there are a bit dated, admittedly)
And now that I'm finally a member of this fine community at Tildes, I figured that I'd ask you kind people for your feedback and discussion. What do you all say? Is there any consensus on any particular travel agency? Or is it best that I engage in the grunt work to book all the hotels ahead of time? We're looking to hit Tokyo, Osaka, Kyoto at the very least. My total cost so far is less than $5000 for 9 days, FYI. And travelling from USA, if that makes any difference.
This is my first post on Tildes prompting discussion, btw. Glad to be here! 🤞

Right now, I have a Samsung Galaxy A12 phone, which has done everything I need for quite some time. It was bottom of the barrel in the Samsung lineup, and it quit receiving updates of any kind back in November of 2024. For a cheap phone, I've been pleased with it.

My use case is unusual. I rarely use my phone to go online, but on occasion, I am forced to do so. Most of the time I use it to make calls, or send and receive texts. SMS is fine for me. I don't play games on it, though I do use the camera now and again.

One slightly unusual task is tethering. When my internet goes down on my computers at home, the mobile network is often still available, so I tether my desktop to the phone connection. Visible will slow the connection speed tremendously, so I use an app that disguises the tether connection, and I get full speeds. So I need this app to work when the main internet connection goes wonky.

One year and eight months without security updates makes me a little more cautious about using the phone for anything online. I don't use it for bank accounts or credit cards, no instant payments of any kind, and there are no passwords saved within it. Even if I still got updates, I wouldn't use it for any type of financial transactions. I don't even check email with it.

In reality, a dumb phone would probably work for me, but Visible is notoriously picky about Android phones they will accept. And I don't use Apple for anything. No plans to change that.

I have been more and more interested in ditching Google software. I was recently forced to switch to Google Messages, since Samsung is turning their messaging app out to pasture. A Pixel 10a with GrapheneOS is something I'm considering. Visible will accept any modern Pixel phone, so they aren't a problem.

The question is, is any change necessary with how little I use the phone online? Perhaps I should just wait till the battery dies, but that doesn't help me in my efforts to de-Googlize.

I have an older kobo (Kobo Libra H20) and have been using Calibre, and basically manually plugging it in and syncing books over to it.

I'm wondering if anyone knows of any good ways of doing wireless sync?

I've looked into KoReader but not sure exactly how involved that would be to set up. I am comfortable setting up something "SelfHosted" as long as I can easily spin it up and spin it down, I don't currently have any computer I leave on 100% of the time.

I've seen previous topics here, and Booklore looked interesting, but when I went to track it down it looks like the website is down (the GitHub is still there though), and apparently lots of controversy surrounding it in some reddit posts...it looks like there is maybe a fork of it (Grimmory), but I'm wondering if anyone here has experience with it or anything similar.

I'd prefer something without a lot of AI/LLM use, but not sure how realistic that is.

I only read eBooks, not manga/visual novels, and I don't listen to audiobooks so I don't necessarily need anything with support for any of those.

I would also be fine paying for something, but preferably only a one-time fee not a subscription.

I primarily read books on my Kobo, but it would be a "nice to have" if I could somehow sync to my iPhone (or Apple books) and iPad, but not required (and I don't need it to sync progress between devices, as I'd pretty much only be reading on one at a time).

Additional "nice to have" would be the ability to add books from any device.

Any suggestions? Just use Calibre content server? Or is there something "better"?

So I know that house inspectors only look at surface things. In the UK it seems like structural stuff are checked by professionals before a house sale. In Canada what are they called?

In buying older houses, I would want to evaluate how much I will expect to spend on things like well, septic, roof. But I also want evaluation on if this is a money pit with foundation, structural, or water issues that can't be fixed.

Like @Captcha_Code, I've tried calling structural engineering firms that seemed confused or give $5000 just to take a look estimates. What are they called in Canada and if possible can you provide examples of a firm in any Canadian area so I know what to look for in Atlantic Canada? Searching for geotechnical professionals bring up major infrastructure type of firms.

I'm going to try to make a very long story short, but we had a large structural retaining wall replaced. The driveway sits on top of the retaining wall. It is about 7 feet tall at the highest end and tapers down over about 30 feet.

We selected a contractor who was at the higher end of the price range but not like the highest highest. It's not like we cheaped out. But we are SO not happy with the work. There are sagging "deadman" posts, there are a ton of shims forced into it to make it lean the correct direction, and it is visibly not dug out enough.

We have tried to work with the contractor but he keeps cheaping out and "jerry rigging" it further to fix the defects. At this point, we are thinking small claims court. We want an expert to come out and tell us if it is structurally sound and document the defects.

I thought maybe a general home inspector could just inspect a part of it, but we contacted three and they said they only do whole structure inspections, like the whole house. And even if the retaining wall was included they would not really look much further than making sure it's not rotten. I tried a structural engineer but the two I contacted almost seemed confused at what I was asking. One just told me they don't do things like that and the other one I'm pretty sure just wanted me to go away and said $10k.

What kind of speciality can tell me if this thing is going to collapse or not? I feel like this is important information if we sue the previous contractor. Any help would be appreciated.

Hello!

I need some advice about work. I'm 34 and I have a child. What direction do you think I should be looking in job-wise? Because of AI, I'm not sure whether it's worth staying in IT and on top of that, my department was recently shut down at my company, so I'm out of work.

My goal is to be able to rent a decent place, cover health/medical costs, food obviously and to take my child on holiday at least once yearly (I couldn't affort it before).

I'm based in Europe. Right now I'm actively learning to knit, just in case.

Could you suggest what kind of work you'd recommend so that I can be that "man of the house" for myself and support myself properly? If it matters: I'm celibate and I don't plan to enter into a relationship, but I need to get my child on their feet and I honestly have no idea which way to move.

My salary has always been low, I'm tired of it and I'm responsible for a child. So I'm ready for anything. Ready to learn anything, do anything!

Thank you!

Hello, I am using a throwaway account since I don't want this account publicly associated with the rest of my Internet persona. Some identifying info will be fudged for the sake of keeping as anonymous as possible.

Me and my partner of nine years have been constantly fighting about little things these days. The fights have started from shallow stuff. From my perspective, it usually starts out of silly things. One recurring thing is that sometimes, working from home, I want some hugs every now and then during the day. The problem is he's watching Netflix or whatever and doesn't want to be interrupted midmovie. He complains I asked for them too frequently, which is fair. But I think the cause is when he does accept my proposal to hug, I'm just the one hugging him and he's still watching the movie. Gives me a tap in the back of what objectively could be a hug but there is just no emotion.

Alright, getting annoyed is one thing and should be easy to fix. However, he does some variant of "escaping the conversation". Whether it's leaving the room suddenly or answering questions in what I think is bad faith. All of these, in his head, I know he has a rationalization. Leaving the room, according to him, is good for calming down. And he's read that somewhere. Can't refute that. But what I try to explain, and am probably not explaining well, is that he just can't leave me like that because it feels like he doesn't care about it. I find it very disrespectful, it makes me angry, and it just elevates what could have been a quick discussion to some big blown-up fight where no one is really sure anymore how it started or why it dials up to 11 very quickly.

I've recently started opening up to friends out of desperation. He "does not like" that our friends know about our business. Relationship troubles and all. I understand, and I tried to respect this wish for the nine years we've been together. But now I'm desperate, I did start talking about it with friends. They gave me a lot of insights that I didn't have before and they pinpointed that the biggest obstacle we have is proper communication.

In the beginning, I talk and let him talk. But his responses are one-liners like "yes" or "sure". Which is completely ambiguous if it is in agreement to what I just said or if it is just to signify that he's listening. This gave me the tendency to talk more. Because either the conversation finishes there, which according to him is already concluded because he agreed to what I wanted. The thing that is lacking is some sort of feeling of warmth or empathy. In principle, "yes" already does the "admin part" but "yes I understand what you mean and I will try to do better" takes care of the emotional side. This is something that I have tried explaining but unfortunately in vain. Maybe it's his blind side.

I don't think anything of what he's doing is malicious or intentionally done to make me angry. I think it's just how he is. I don't think he realizes it. And as someone who cares for him, I hope he does.

The status now is that we are "broken up". I'd like to mark that with an asterisk because our fights these past few weeks end up with someone saying they want to break up. It has since elevated to "we are breaking up". It's getting tiring. I know that this relationship is down in the gutter. However, I am still optimistic for that Disney ending where we all realize our problems and live happily ever after.

But yeah. I really don't know what I want in posting this. I think I just need to pass the time since we are both currently in the same apartment. It's big enough that we have our own rooms for these trying times. Advice and analyses and opinions are certainly welcome. Obviously, there's bias for me since I wrote it. So yeah. Open to anything. Thanks for reading in any case.

I use hearing aids with Bluetooth, which is fantastic for phone call clarity, watching videos, and listening to audiobooks. I use my iPad often for watching videos, so they’re constantly paired.

My particular model of hearing aid has a flaw where the ambient sound gets adjusted during streaming in such a way that it causes a static like sound that’s loud enough to require turning the sound up to hear whatever I’m streaming. I seriously doubt this is good for my hearing.

I can go into the app and adjust the ambient sound balance, which reduces the static sound but makes the sounds around me quieter. This will reset back randomly, sometimes even when I pause. Annoying, but I can live with it.

My issue is that if I play a game on my iPad, it turns on streaming even if I have the sound turned off in the game. So I’ll be sitting here listening to static while I’m playing a card game or something, it’s loud enough that it’s then harder to hear the people around me.

Does anyone know if there’s a way to force the sound off so I don’t have to mess with switching Bluetooth on and off and having to restart the hearing aids because suddenly they don’t pair even though it was working 5 minutes ago?

Hearing aids: Phonak Audio L90-RL (lumity)

iPad Air, 4th gen, WiFi only

iPad os:26.5