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  • Showing only topics with the tag "self post". Back to normal view
    1. Our dead bedroom, and our journey to fix it. Any interest in the journey?

      I've been married for about 20 years. Our bedroom has been mostly dead for half of that. When I left to go take care of my mother, I didn't know if I would come back home. My husband and I like...

      I've been married for about 20 years. Our bedroom has been mostly dead for half of that. When I left to go take care of my mother, I didn't know if I would come back home. My husband and I like each other well enough, but we have each been in our own personally narrated relationship hell for too long. While I was away, we started writing each other letters, the distance seemed to let us "get it all out." We both seem committed to making the next 20 years better than the first. If there is any interest, I'm willing to chronicle our journey back from the brink of divorce, as well as answer any questions anyone might have. I'm the one with the lower sex drive, and with sex more tied to emotional intimacy than my partner. I like Tildes as my personal space and don't really want my husband to have an account, but I would let him use mine to speak his own words if that is something someone would want to hear. If there is no interest, I'll delete this topic in about a week, as I would find it a bit embarrassing in my history.

      Edit: I would also be interested in hearing how other people worked through this if anyone would like to talk about it.

      46 votes
    2. How can I teach my dog to not be afraid of heights?

      So my girlfriend has this dog, a miniatura Schnauzer. He's 5 years old and in perfect health. For some reason, he fears even the slightest elevation. The dog is quite athletic but behaves as if he...

      So my girlfriend has this dog, a miniatura Schnauzer. He's 5 years old and in perfect health. For some reason, he fears even the slightest elevation. The dog is quite athletic but behaves as if he was much older. He does know how to get on things, like sofas that are not very high, but if we forget to "rescue" him he will literally never go down. Which is cute but also a bother. I wanna make him a bit braver and more independent. Any ideas?

      6 votes
    3. Is there a way to make sure sent e-mails are opened?

      A few years ago I decided to ditch Gmail and started using Disroot as my e-mail provider. It was recommended by privacytools.io. I realized that at least one e-mail I sent went to spam and now...

      A few years ago I decided to ditch Gmail and started using Disroot as my e-mail provider. It was recommended by privacytools.io.

      I realized that at least one e-mail I sent went to spam and now every time I send an e-mail I get paranoid if it will reach its destination. Is there a way to know if the e-mails I send are opened?

      I've thought about switching to a more mainstream e-mail provider like ProtonMail but I already have so many accounts linked to Disroot that make switching dreadful. As a matter of fact I still have over 100 accounts that are using my Gmail address because it's so time intensive and not a priority to do the switch. Hopefully in the password-less future this kind of problem will cease to exist.

      11 votes
    4. Tech people of Tildes, what have you automated in your life?

      Talk about anything you have "automated" in your life. No restrictions on the tools or things to automate. You have a simple "silence your phone at work" thing? Great job! Do you have a complex...

      Talk about anything you have "automated" in your life. No restrictions on the tools or things to automate. You have a simple "silence your phone at work" thing? Great job! Do you have a complex thing with hundreds of lines of custom code? Wonderful! All are welcome!


      I myself have automated a bit of stuff, and am constantly looking for more (that's why this thread exists):

      Home:

      • My room will turn on the lights when it detects the brightness inside is going down, but will slowly do it relative to the current brightness so it doesn't suddenly turn on at once. (Tries to keep a certain brightness at certain times)
      • I can send "loff", "lon" or, "lauto" through XMPP to turn my lights off, on, or toggle the automatic mode mentioned above from anywhere. I am blocking internet connections from my smart light hub so I had to re-implement that manually

      Computer:

      • Copying any YouTube links (or Invidious links, which get translated into YouTube) will automatically prompt me about opening them under MPV

      Phone:

      This is where I do the bulk of my automation, as Tasker is a very convenient way to automate stuff.

      • Toggle full brightness and/or auto rotation on specific apps (Gallery, NewPipe, etc.)
      • A couple of Android "Share" targets for
        • Uploading dumb images to my webserver
        • Adding links to Miniflux (abusing it's bookmarklet functionality)
        • youtube-dl through Termux
      • And some (mostly gimmicky) text-to-speech notifications for calls and XMPP messages

      Planned:

      • Miniflux notifier over XMPP. My last attempt failed because Node-RED apparently doesn't reconnect over to XMPP when its connection drops :(
      26 votes
    5. How do I hire a CG artist to sculpt a 3D model from an old portrait?

      The goal is to bring the subject of a painting to animated life, so I would want the model to be rigged as well as photo-realistic. I don't use Facebook products, and have been searching in all...

      The goal is to bring the subject of a painting to animated life, so I would want the model to be rigged as well as photo-realistic. I don't use Facebook products, and have been searching in all the wrong places so far, so why not here, too?

      15 votes
    6. Search for tag site-wide?

      Clicking a tag provides the search results for that tag in the local group. Since some topics appear across groups, I think it'd be useful to view site-wide results as well, optionally. Does that...

      Clicking a tag provides the search results for that tag in the local group. Since some topics appear across groups, I think it'd be useful to view site-wide results as well, optionally. Does that already exist?

      9 votes
    7. Musicians, do you put your stuff up on BandCamp, SoundCloud, both, and/or other?

      I've been working on some music, and while I'm not quite ready to show it to the world, I might be in the near future. I was curious where other musicians are putting their music? I've checked out...

      I've been working on some music, and while I'm not quite ready to show it to the world, I might be in the near future. I was curious where other musicians are putting their music? I've checked out both SoundCloud and BandCamp, and they both seem reasonable. Any pros or cons to using one over the other? Any other places you upload your music for streaming and/or purchase?

      Suggestions from the comments:
      BandCamp : Hosts and shares your music
      SoundCloud : Hosts and shares your music
      DistroKid : Distributes your music to various services†
      TuneCore : Distributes your music to various services†
      OneRPM : Distributes your music to various services†
      AudioMicro : Sells your royalty-free music and sound effects
      Jamendo : Hosts and shares your indie music or royalty free music

      † Spotify, Apple Music, YouTube, Tidal, Amazon Music, TikTok, Pandora, iHeartRadio, Deezer, Instagram, etc.

      13 votes
    8. What's your proposing/marriage story?

      I'm interested in knowing how fellow Tilders became engaged and subsequently married. Let's just say I was given some personal reasons to think about the subject lately... I'm interested in...

      I'm interested in knowing how fellow Tilders became engaged and subsequently married. Let's just say I was given some personal reasons to think about the subject lately...

      I'm interested in knowing what steps led you and your significant other to consider the possibility, how you became engaged, how long did you know each other beforehand, etc...

      You know, the kind of thing someone that never considered marriage as an option is utterly ignorant about :P

      Any advice?

      13 votes
    9. Anybody fancy a round of the Board Games of Thrones?

      I've recently been playing a bunch of the Board Game of Thrones (the epic strategy/war/negotiation game) online over at thronemaster.net, and was wondering if any of you fine folks would like to...

      I've recently been playing a bunch of the Board Game of Thrones (the epic strategy/war/negotiation game) online over at thronemaster.net, and was wondering if any of you fine folks would like to join me in a game?

      7 votes
    10. [SOLVED] Looking to debug a wifi issue, or possibly for a new wifi router

      EDIT: Crisis averted! The problem was with the modem and not the devices connecting to it. I'm not sure why the first person I called at the ISP couldn't help me. In reality, the second person I...

      EDIT: Crisis averted! The problem was with the modem and not the devices connecting to it. I'm not sure why the first person I called at the ISP couldn't help me. In reality, the second person I called also didn't help, but something magically started working after talking with them a second time and rebooting the modem about 5 more times, so it turns out I don't need a new WiFi router at this time. That said, I will take these suggestions to heart, as I may be buying one anyway as a backup for when this inevitably happens again.

      TL;DR: I probably need a new wifi router and want one that isn't malware and will work even if the company I bought it from goes under or stops making it.

      Long version:
      So today my wifi stopped working. I use an Apple Airport Extreme (the tower one that has a Time Machine backup in it). I've had it for 5 or 10 years and it's worked fine during that time, other than replacing the hard drive it backs up to. My spouse and I were sitting on the couch after lunch surfing the web on our phones, when we suddenly couldn't reach anything. The router itself appears fine. We can connect to it and see other devices that are connected to it, but for some reason, it's no longer communicating with the cable modem via the WAN port. It still backs up the computers in our house, though. I have tested the cable that was connecting it to the cable modem, and it appears fine. I can connect my computer directly to the cable modem without issue using the same cable. So my guess is that the WAN port is hosed.

      However, I'm suspicious that something else is going on for 2 reasons. #1, the cable company (Spectrum) made me replace my cable modem last week. I did that, got my Airport connected to it, and after a call to tech support got it up and running. It's been working for the past week. I suspect the modem may have updated or changed configuration without me knowing it and that's the real cause here. They sent me a Wifi router with the modem, but will charge me $5.00/month if I keep it. I'd rather own the hardware. #2, I have an older Airport Express that was working the last time I used it. I replaced it with the newer model about 5 years ago so I could do backups. It fails to work in the same way. It seems like the WAN port isn't communicating with the cable modem. So, if there's some way to verify that the WAN ports on my Airports are or aren't working, I'd be interested to hear about it.

      I am able to connect a wired ethernet switch to the cable modem and all devices on the switch can see the Internet just fine. I tried connecting both Airports to the switch via their WAN ports while the switch was connected to the cable modem, but that did not work. (Or at least, I couldn't connect to the internet via either Airport.)

      So, on the off-chance that both my Airports have a similar failure, I need to replace them. I have gotten suggestions from others, but have been pretty unhappy with them. I have the following requirements:

      • Absolutely must not store any information about me in the cloud (for example as Ubiquiti apparently does)
      • Absolutely must not rely on any sort of connection to the manufacturer to work properly and must not phone home without my permission
      • Preferably not a poorly made device that will die in 3 years
      • Must work properly and at full speed with Apple devices
      • Must not require a phone app to configure
      • Must have ~3 ethernet ports so I can hardwire in my TV devices (AppleTV, TiVo, etc.)

      Things I don't need, but aren't a deal-breaker if it has it:

      • The ability to configure every little setting. I prefer to set it and forget it.
      • Mesh networking. My house is not huge, the cable modem is in the middle of the house and my single Airport base station has good coverage of the entire house.

      If you know of any device like this, please share!

      7 votes
    11. Is it ethical for services to exclude those without internet access?

      I've been turning the question over in my mind since I read this article the other day. A company that delivers milk and basic groceries is moving to online-only billing and account management -...

      I've been turning the question over in my mind since I read this article the other day. A company that delivers milk and basic groceries is moving to online-only billing and account management - the article quotes various people who are "disgusted" that the company are cutting off their "elderly or vulnerable customers". It's one relatively niche example that raises a much broader question, and the idea of people still living without some form of internet access genuinely caught me by surprise.

      The UK has 94.6% internet penetration, relatively low costs (£10/month or less) for basic access, and a variety of subsidised schemes available for people to get basic hardware. That said, there are always gaps for people to fall through, and that last 5% still represents over three million people. At what point does it become reasonable to assume everybody is, or has the opportunity to be, online?

      20 votes
    12. Commercial "foodcycler" devices - do they do more harm than good?

      Hello Tildes, I've been doing bokashi composting for pretty much all my vegetable and fruit scraps since last year. Lately, I've been wanting to level up my game and recycle meat scraps and...

      Hello Tildes,

      I've been doing bokashi composting for pretty much all my vegetable and fruit scraps since last year. Lately, I've been wanting to level up my game and recycle meat scraps and chicken/fish bones as well. That's how I came across these "foodcycler" devices. They basically chop up and dry food scraps in a sealed container. I assume it works much like how industrial composting machines work, except it's scaled way down. At around 300-400 dollars, they're certainly not cheap, and probably generate a lot of greenhouse gasses during the manufacturing process. What's more is, every time you run a cycle, it has to run for 4-8 hours, though the manufacturer says the device is "energy conscious."

      I'm trying to assess whether I'll do more harm than good by buying one of these things to convert more of my food scraps. My ultimate goal is to try many different ways to recycle food waste and try to get my friends to try it out as well. Some of them have already shown interest in bokashi composting, but none has actually tried it out (too much work).

      Do you think commercial "foodcycler" devices do more harm than good? How should we go about evaluating this?

      Edit: I've asked this question on many different places, and it looks like the general consensus is there's no strong need for something like this unless you live in apartments, in a city/town that does not collect food waste. Some believe recycling food waste via the more traditional methods (e.g. bokashi, vermicomposting) would yield better results because the foodcycler would dry up and kill a lot of the bacterial presence, though I believe the dried up scraps can be somewhat "revived" by mixing them in wet soil. Nobody seems to be able to definitively tell whether using the foodcycler would be a net positive or negative, because there's no way to verify its manufacturing process. I may do an experiment on how much power it draws if I get my hands on one in the future.

      6 votes
    13. BlizzCon 2021 announcements/trailers/etc

      Figured I'd start putting together a thread as the flood of announcements and articles start coming out from this year's BlizzCon. The site, where you can pick which streaming "channel" to watch:...

      Figured I'd start putting together a thread as the flood of announcements and articles start coming out from this year's BlizzCon.

      The site, where you can pick which streaming "channel" to watch: https://blizzcon.com/

      Full schedule: https://blizzcon.com/en-us/schedule

      Opening ceremony: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyApQc-ZmSA


      Diablo IV


      Diablo II: Resurrected


      World of Warcraft


      Overwatch 2

      18 votes
    14. I'm considering on becoming a first-time dog owner soon, looking for advice

      I find myself at a point in my life where I have the time, energy, and money to adopt a dog. Growing up I never had a dog - my parents only had cats. I don't totally know what I'm getting into so...

      I find myself at a point in my life where I have the time, energy, and money to adopt a dog. Growing up I never had a dog - my parents only had cats. I don't totally know what I'm getting into so I'm looking for some advice.

      I would like to have a moderately active dog, as I live a moderately active life. However, many donation sites list even just moderately active dogs as needing a yard. I live in a fairly spacious 1 bedroom apartment that's in a small complex (5 units) on the ground floor. Does this severely restrict the kind of dogs I should adopt? I know a hyper-active breed wouldn't be happy here. But should I consider myself limited to small, lower needs dogs?

      Edit:

      Probably important bit of information, I don't plan to get a puppy.

      22 votes
    15. Today I have hope

      I'm at a pharmacy, distributing their vaccine after hours the second it came in. I'm typing this up while my pregnant wife is in line to get her vaccine. If I get lucky maybe I do too. If not, my...

      I'm at a pharmacy, distributing their vaccine after hours the second it came in. I'm typing this up while my pregnant wife is in line to get her vaccine. If I get lucky maybe I do too. If not, my heart is still lighter knowing that my family is safer.

      I'm filled with joy knowing that there is light at the end of this dark tunnel.

      Thank you all for putting up with my special blend of near-persistent 2020 mania. Hopefully this will finally calm it for awhile.

      25 votes
    16. If you knew what homophobia was when you realized you weren't cis-het, what was it like realizing LGBT-phobia and discrimination was gonna be just as much a personal issue as a political one to you?

      To elaborate more, the realization that LGBT rights, marriage, transitioning, etc are more than just human rights, they're your rights and whenever homophobes succeed in stopping LGBT rights, your...

      To elaborate more, the realization that LGBT rights, marriage, transitioning, etc are more than just human rights, they're your rights and whenever homophobes succeed in stopping LGBT rights, your rights are stripped away by people who hate you.

      Also, If you're bisexual, did/do you ever consider just tagging along as if you were straight because you could and would rather not deal with homophobes? (Assuming this question makes sense)

      8 votes
    17. First-person-shooters with great single player content on the Xbox

      Unlike the current tendency, unless I'm playing with my real-life friends, I don't care for multiplayer in shooters. I'm usually surrounded by highly skilled players that seemingly dedicate their...

      Unlike the current tendency, unless I'm playing with my real-life friends, I don't care for multiplayer in shooters. I'm usually surrounded by highly skilled players that seemingly dedicate their lives to becoming experts in that game. I don't wanna become actually skilled, I wanna play in my own way and feel I am skilled in face of limited AI. You know, fantasy!

      Most franchises are leaning towards multiplayer, and my playstyle is quickly becoming old fashioned. I recently purchased the Xbox Series S and would love suggestions of great shooters with a focus on offline missions. Especially historical shooters (like WWI and WWII), but not limited to it.

      Thanks!

      10 votes
    18. What are your favorite imaginary/fictitious maps?

      (Only took me 2 months /s). Also this map is by no means a complete list. Santa-pocalypse: What if santa was (a tiny bit more) realistic? A timeline where Santa delivers his presents via quantum...

      (Only took me 2 months /s). Also this map is by no means a complete list.

      Santa-pocalypse: What if santa was (a tiny bit more) realistic?

      A timeline where Santa delivers his presents via quantum tunneling and due to a failure in this device, he causes a nuclear explosion when he accelerates to relativistic speeds in order to gift Children worldwide. Given nuclear fusion doesn't work like that and the Shockwave travels westward counterclockwise, I disagree with the notion this is realistic, but that's pedantry.

      What the fuck: The Timeline

      Someone mashed dozens of fictitious worlds and the real world at different times to make a very weird and high-effiry map.

      Industrialized, colonial, imperial China

      A timeline where the Ming is an expansionist empire and puppets nearly half of the world's population. Given China has been as large and populous as entire continents at times, the fact that China had so much the leadership felt they could be self-sufficient and refuse to try to expand until like, 10 years ago, I find this scenario something that could totally have happened but didn't due to disinterested leadership.

      What if the new world didn't exist?

      A world where columbus is right about Geography and the Americas don't exist. While I don't think it's particularly realistic, I find this scenario underrated.

      A grim, dark rainbow: What if the current rightwards shift of politics doesn't stop?

      What it says on the title. Not particularly realistic given the CCP and NATO apparently collapse, but I like to use this map as a stand-in for the worst-case scenario of the near-future.

      The dragon in shackles: Qing China and Japan in 1932

      A timeline where Qing China re-unifies China, but at large costs to their economy, independence, infrastructure and territory.

      Flavo et purpura: A world in which Islam never leaves Arabia Ca 800 AD

      A very detailed map with quite a few differences from what happened IRL. Far more romanized.

      Spain if the re*conquista continued into North Africa

      A timeline where the Spanish conquer the Western half of the Maghreb. The justificarion is that Pre-columbian empires ally themselves to other European nations to not be colonized by Spain, so the Spanish focus their imperialist efforts into neighboring Morocco. Obviously not very realistic, but the maps are cool.

      Fictitious maps based on real data:

      The world divided into 200 areas of equal population

      What it says in the title.

      14 votes
    19. What is a modem+router good enough for online gaming?

      I recently got an Ethernet cable in the hopes of making my online gaming more responsive, but to my dismay it made little difference in latency measure on the Xbox Series S. It merely dropped from...

      I recently got an Ethernet cable in the hopes of making my online gaming more responsive, but to my dismay it made little difference in latency measure on the Xbox Series S. It merely dropped from 146ms to 143ms.

      I use the modem+router provided by the ISP, a Sagemcom Fast 5655v2. According to preliminary research, the ISP blocks any alterations so I would have to jailbreak the device to explore other solutions. I’m open for suggestions in that regard too! I’d like to know if I can determine if the problem is on the router or the ISP.

      On your suggestions please consider that my country’s currency is worth less than one fifth of the US dollar, so I’m not looking for anything even remotely close to the best setup possible, but merely a significant improvement. Anything above 50 US dollars is already too much for me.

      So, with that in mind, what do you recommend?

      8 votes
    20. What are your best memories from 2020?

      There are lots of retrospectives about famous people that died and depressing virus talk on the news. But life is full of apparent contradictions and it is not uncommon to find joy even in the...

      There are lots of retrospectives about famous people that died and depressing virus talk on the news. But life is full of apparent contradictions and it is not uncommon to find joy even in the most desperate situations. What are some things that made you happy in 2020? Anything, personal or not.

      25 votes
    21. When seeing a tag in a group, there is a link to take you back. I think a link to see that tag in all groups would also be nice?

      When you click in a tag in a tildes group, you see the topics that have been posted in that group with that tag according to your filters. There's also a link to go back to normal viewing. I think...

      When you click in a tag in a tildes group, you see the topics that have been posted in that group with that tag according to your filters. There's also a link to go back to normal viewing. I think an option to see that tag in all groups would be a neat addition, even if not particularly important. Thoughts?

      15 votes
    22. What cultural touchstone movies have totally passed you by?

      I just caught part of one of the newer Terminator movies as I was flicking through channels on TV, and I was only able to identify it because a scene with a visibly 60-plus Arnold Schwarzenegger...

      I just caught part of one of the newer Terminator movies as I was flicking through channels on TV, and I was only able to identify it because a scene with a visibly 60-plus Arnold Schwarzenegger made me realize he probably hasn't acted in a decade and a half otherwise. I've never seen any of the Terminator movies... a fact which never fails to elicit shocked responses in movie conversations. I've also never watched any of the Alien, Indiana Jones, or Harry Potter franchises, am yet to watch any of the Shreks (despite one of my exes quoting them all the time and telling me she basically learned most of her life lessons from them), nor any of the Toy Story movies. I think the only Pixar movie I've ever watched is Up. I do mix up Pixar and Dreamworks all the time, so that whole debate between the two goes over my head, but I know I've never found Nemo or seen Frozen, or practically any of the others.

      Obviously this is most egregious for stuff that's been released during your lifetime, or maybe adulthood, but feel free to include whatever you've never been particularly convinced you've missed out on, from any era.

      19 votes
    23. [SOLVED] Looking for the name of a specific board game, recommended on tildes

      As the title suggests, I am lookimg for the name of an existing boardgame. Some time ago (months), there was a discussion about boardgame recommendations. One person described a very interesting...

      As the title suggests, I am lookimg for the name of an existing boardgame.
      Some time ago (months), there was a discussion about boardgame recommendations. One person described a very interesting boardgame, which I wanted to gift my family for christmas, but I sadly closed the tab with it and I can't find the original post anymore.

      The game goes as follows:
      One player builds a construct with different shapes and colours according to certain guidelines. The other players now have to find the rules, which the presentated construct follows, by building their own construct and getting feedback from the gamemaster, if it fulfills their guidelines.

      According to the poster, this game was originally a game a group of friends played in college, it became so popular that they created a sellable version. Recently they revamped it.

      P.S. I am not really familiar with this kind of post, so if I did anything wrong, some feedback would be nice.

      P.P.S. Is there some kind of function (maybe through tags?) to mark this post as solved, if hopefully someone managed to recognise the game?

      8 votes
    24. Cheap rejection as a mental model feature

      I’m increasingly convinced that worldviews / mental models are not simply modeling devices, but information rejection tools. Borrowing from Clay Shirkey's "It's not information overload, it's...

      I’m increasingly convinced that worldviews / mental models are not simply modeling devices, but information rejection tools. Borrowing from Clay Shirkey's "It's not information overload, it's filter failure", the world is a surprisingly information-rich space, and humans (or any other information-processing system, biological or otherwise) simply aren't equipped to deal with more than a minuscule fraction of it.

      We aim for a useful fraction. It paints an incomplete, but useful picture.

      Even a bad model has utility if it rejects information cheaply: without conscious effort, without physical effort, and without lingering concerns or apprehensions. It's a no-FOMO mechanism.

      Usually, what happens is that we apply our bad models to a given scenario, act, process the new resulting scenario, and notice that that is obviously not favourable, and take appropriate actions to correct the new circumstance. Net loss: one round of interaction. Net gain: not succumbing to analysis paralysis or having to hunt for a new and improved worldview (especially: a new concensus worldview shared with numerous others, creating a large coordination problem).

      Sometimes that doesn't work out and people (or companies, or governments, or cultures) get stuck in a nonproductive rut, often characterised by "doing the one thing we know how to do, only harder".

      The big problem comes when there's a recognition that a former large-scale world model no longer applies. I'm leaning strongly to the notion that this is behind many psychological conditions: Grief, denial, meloncholia, depression, PTSD. Possibly burnout and ADHD.[1]

      Classic grief is triggered by the loss of a loved one, or in the "five stages of grief" study, news of the subject's own impending mortality (a fatal disease prognosis). That is, an invalidation of a previously-defining mental model. This triggers denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and eventually, for some, acceptance of a new world view.

      It's a pattern once recognised that one sees repeated across numerous scenarios, and scales, from individuals to groups to entire countries --- almost any disaster, epidemics, global catastrophic risks, wartime attacks, business failures, relationship breakups, and on. The phenomenon intersects with the problem-solving success (or failure) chain.

      What's curious to me is what the threshold for grief or denial is. There are some surprises which don't elicit this response: almost all humour is based on the principle of surprise, and horror films and thrill rides are based on the premise of surprise or extreme experience, but rarely result in a traumatic response. We go through our daily lives experiencing small and medium-sized suprises and disappointments all the time. The grief/denial response seems to be triggered only above a magnitude or repetition threshold, though that can differ markedly between individuals.


      Notes:

      1. I'm not claiming that all PTSD, burnout, and ADHD are grief responses, but rather that there are at least strong similarities. Early psychologists linked grief and melancholia (itself then considered a much stronger longing, to the point of mental illness). The mechanisms for overload might be internal --- chemical, physical, illness, injury, or genetic in origin --- or external. But there's a common thread that seems to run through these conditions, ultimately an inability to cope with a level of change.

      (Adapted from https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=22208255.)

      18 votes
    25. Are there any other dog trainers here?

      I spent a lot of my youth training my dog for obedience and agility. I sorta-kinda got back into it about eight years ago when I got my first dog while living on my own. My trainer at the time...

      I spent a lot of my youth training my dog for obedience and agility. I sorta-kinda got back into it about eight years ago when I got my first dog while living on my own. My trainer at the time stopped offering classes a few years ago. This was shortly after my dog and I competed in our first USDAA trial (which was a disaster, but that's to be expected).

      I finally got around to ordering some new equipment (four jumps, a tunnel, and a set of weave poles), and I was reminded of how much fun it is! My dog (Loki, a 7 y/o Australian Shepherd) picked up right where we left off when I set up a super small course in the back yard at lunch today.

      Does anybody else on Tildes compete or do any dog sports for fun? I'd love to hear what you're doing or any other stories about dog training people have. :)

      10 votes
    26. Suggestions for no-display laptop

      This is more specific than ~talk would normally have , but tildes doesn't have anything for shopping yet, so... I'm using my laptop right now, but I've found that for a lot of the stuff on my...

      This is more specific than ~talk would normally have
      , but tildes doesn't have anything for shopping yet, so...

      I'm using my laptop right now, but I've found that for a lot of the stuff on my computer,
      I don't really need a screen. I like using the terminal, and can get a lot done just typing:
      no mouse or display. I think this would be great, as I already do a lot of my casual writing
      and note taking my eyes closed, leaning back in a chair.

      What's the best machine that meets these qualifications? Basically, I just need a way to read memory
      out to another drive. Battery would be a must as well.

      Thanks

      12 votes
    27. If bringing/migrating r/askbiblescholars to Tildes turns out well, what other subreddits/subreddit groups would you like to see here?

      I've heard many people here like truereddit and the depthhub network and so would probably pop up a lot here but I wonder what other suggestions we might have. I'd probably like r/imaginarymaps...

      I've heard many people here like truereddit and the depthhub network and so would probably pop up a lot here but I wonder what other suggestions we might have.

      I'd probably like r/imaginarymaps and a lot of related fantasy subreddits. It would probably also be interesting to call more hobby/social/'extravert' subreddits (or, odds are, any subreddit about anything that requires going outside, physical effort/tools or requires multiple people.)

      It would probably also be interesting to bring some subreddits for minority/discriminated against groups like r/ainbow, r/TwoXchromosomes or r/transgender.

      Lastly, there are namesake subreddits like r/hobbies.

      24 votes
    28. Privacy is a lonely bastion. Anyone know how to meet friends online these days?

      At some point we recognized the signs of desperation. My wife and I had been running to the window like puppies for a glimpse of any unusual traffic. We caught ourselves bingeing on news articles,...

      At some point we recognized the signs of desperation. My wife and I had been running to the window like puppies for a glimpse of any unusual traffic. We caught ourselves bingeing on news articles, as if saturating ourselves with reporting could somehow make us relevant to a world that saw less and less of us. We even resorted to calling my mother. After listening to 90 uninterrupted minutes of narration regarding her most recent routine doctor’s visit, we broke down. We resolved to end the isolation that was slowly killing us. Then the pandemic hit.

      Our biggest stumbling block is figuring out how can we make friends online using only privacy-respecting platforms and software? We would like to see some friendly faces in real time without being simultaneously, you know, mined. Could anyone in the know share suggestions?

      Edit: I'm grateful people are considering this. Thank you! I find it helps to ask people what their ideal solution would be, no matter how far-fetched. So, in response to that: My dream platform/venue/project would meld aspects of Lunchclub with The Human Library. I have stories to tell. I would love to video chat with fully-clothed individuals drawn from all over the world, chosen based on their stories and ambitions. It would work the way a good host does. You know, "Greta once had the job of getting sweat stains out of Bruce Springsteen's guitar strap. You two should swap cleaning stories, since you work at that drycleaner's, right, Butchie? Is it true it's a front for the mob? Oh, excuse me, I have to disinfect the pizza guy. I'll leave you to it." Maybe I should flesh this out more.

      36 votes
    29. How do you (or your company) retrain staff for new roles?

      Hive mind: Does your company re-train people to teach them new skills? What about mindset skills, such as problem-solving and critical thinking? What's worked -- and what doesn't? I'm writing an...

      Hive mind: Does your company re-train people to teach them new skills? What about mindset skills, such as problem-solving and critical thinking? What's worked -- and what doesn't?

      I'm writing an article on how to do effectively re-train workers, and I'd like to hear from you (particularly if you have a management or HR background). I might like to quote you, but I certainly would like your input even if that isn't possible.

      Companies have always needed to ensure their employee learn new tools (such as replacing OldProgrammingLanguage with NewLanguage) or entirely new skill sets (e.g. for those whose jobs are replaced by automation). But the rate at which old skills perish and new ones have to be learned is increasing.

      If we assume that technology changes jobs rather than destroys them, what does that mean for companies in practice?

      I was inspired to write this article after reading about “the work skills of tomorrow" https://www.weforum.org/agenda/2020/10/top-10-work-skills-of-tomorrow-how-long-it-takes-to-learn-them in which critical thinking and problem-solving top the list of skills employers believe will grow in prominence. But that made me wonder: How the heck do you teach soft skills? This isn’t like telling someone, “Take a course in data analytics.” What, if anything, can you do to improve a worker's agility in learning new things, or to become a better problem-solver?

      So: What has been your experience? What worked, what failed, what advice would you offer someone (particularly in larger organizations) who wants to take care of their people and move the company forward?

      Note that I'm thinking less in terms of training an individual with a new skill (PhotoShop) than skills for a different career (a move to the Accounting department). And please leave out the "I trained myself!" stories; they're a tangent that doesn't help me. And yes, I know plenty of companies just lay people off rather than retrain them; we can leave those out of the discussion, too. This is meant to be a useful how-to to guide companies that want to do it right, so I am interested in practical advice.

      We can take this to a private discussion if that's easier.

      5 votes
    30. What projects/orgs are you donating to?

      Every year, I donate a modest sum to combat climate change. Since my employer matches my donations up to a certain amount, I try to maximize their contribution. This year, most of my donations...

      Every year, I donate a modest sum to combat climate change. Since my employer matches my donations up to a certain amount, I try to maximize their contribution.

      This year, most of my donations have gone to the following two orgs:

      • Information Technology and Innovation Foundation - a highly regarded US think tank focusing on clean energy research and advising policymakers
      • Eden Reforestation Projects - apparently $7 donated here offsets a year worth of personal carbon emissions

      Are there any projects/causes/orgs you are very keen on donating to? Are there any that we should look out for?

      Edit: Please feel free to list technical projects, Kickstarters, Patreons, etc.

      23 votes
    31. Insomnia, anyone?

      I keep reading about people getting "covid insomnia". You could say, it's keeping me up at night. Really though, it's been getting pretty regular for me. I take xanax once in a while but keeping...

      I keep reading about people getting "covid insomnia". You could say, it's keeping me up at night.

      Really though, it's been getting pretty regular for me. I take xanax once in a while but keeping it to an absolute minimum (no more than 0.25mg, once a week or so).

      I tried the Sleep With Me podcast mentioned by @noblepath. It sort of helped. I kind of like the experience of it, the mindlessness, but I didn't continue past the second night.

      It did give me the idea to just run a youtube video of rain sounds on my tv though, a lot better than what I used to do (leave netflix on some rewatches I know by heart). This is the one I'm currently enjoying: https://youtu.be/_x3hVRSIe2g

      14 votes
    32. What should I know about intermittent fasting?

      I know it's a big deal right now, but I don't know much about it. I sort of stumbled into it by accident because I don't feel safe eating at work right now, so most days I don't have any food...

      I know it's a big deal right now, but I don't know much about it.

      I sort of stumbled into it by accident because I don't feel safe eating at work right now, so most days I don't have any food until I get home around 4:00 to 4:30 PM. I'm also usually wrapping up my evening and in bed by 9:00 PM, so I end up with a roughly five hour window in which to eat. Last weekend I tried to follow it even though I was home and found it surprisingly easy to just not eat until that time, even though it was safe for me to do so and food was available.

      I was already calorie counting prior to this, but I noticed the shift to not eating at work accelerated my weight loss a little bit. It's also way easier to come in under my calorie count when I don't eat for most of the day.

      Because it seems like this is working (though granted, I'm in the very early stages), and because I don't really have a choice in the matter given that I can't safely eat at work anyway, I'm interested in learning about the do's and don't's of intermittent fasting. As a beginner to this, what should I know? I am mostly interested in just making sure I'm not doing any damage to myself or creating any potential problems that I don't realize, so safety is my primary concern. Weight loss is a secondary focus, though less essential because I feel like I've got that down with calorie counting. Any insights or resources you know of would be appreciated.

      14 votes
    33. Thinking of how to boost content and participation in here. What's your sport(s) of choice and how can you best contribute?

      Follow-up to an idea I mentioned here. My "specialty" is definitely soccer. I primarily follow the Spanish league but more or less keep up with the big 3-5 European leagues. I can easily post...

      Follow-up to an idea I mentioned here.

      My "specialty" is definitely soccer. I primarily follow the Spanish league but more or less keep up with the big 3-5 European leagues. I can easily post related content. I have a medium level of interest in other sports in general but am pretty out of the loop with most American sports.

      Any thoughts on what you want to see?

      20 votes
    34. Thoughts on feeling like you're posting too many links when there is not enough content

      It seems like there are not that many new topics posted on Tildes, and that we could post a lot more. But I sometimes find myself reluctant to do so. Don't I post too much already? Recently there...

      It seems like there are not that many new topics posted on Tildes, and that we could post a lot more. But I sometimes find myself reluctant to do so. Don't I post too much already?

      Recently there was a survey and apparently many people think Tildes is too tech-oriented. I don't think it's all that tech oriented, not like Hacker News or lobste.rs, but that makes me a little more reluctant to post tech links. (Though, really, other people should post more of the kind of links they want to see.)

      I suspect it's not just me. Periodic topics sometimes get a lot of comments. Periodic topics have been started specifically to avoid having too many top-level topics on one subject.

      But, why are we avoiding this? What's wrong with posting more links? If this were a social bookmarking site, I'd be saving more links. Maybe I'd save a bunch of accordion links, without any regard for whether people are interested?

      It seems like we need something like folders. When new links are posted in a folder, they don't get listed individually at top-level. You could drop a bunch of links in a folder if you felt like it, without feeling like you're monopolizing conversation, because people would have to open the folder to see what's there. Or maybe instead of folders it would be something like creating a playlist. You could start a topic that's basically a list of links, and then anyone can add links to it if they want.

      It seems like groups don't really do this, somehow? They feel a bit too open and exposed. Everything shows up on the front page regardless of group. (I mean, you can filter or unsubscribe from groups, but many of us don't. Partly because they're too broad. Who's going to unsubscribe from music just because they aren't interested in some music?)

      So instead we use topics and post links as comments. It sort of works, but it's given me a lot of practice at writing markdown-formatted links on a mobile keyboard, and they appear differently in search and aren't tagged.

      It seems like links posted within a topic and posted top-level should be more similar in the UI. Maybe if there's some conversation about a link within a topic, a moderator could promote it to top-level? Maybe a lot of topics would start that way, and then the site would feel a bit more full.

      25 votes
    35. Should we use a megathread for US election news as we get closer to Nov 3?

      I was thinking about how much the quantity of election news is likely to increase as we get closer to Nov 3. And more specifically the likelihood that this election will not be clear cut, will be...

      I was thinking about how much the quantity of election news is likely to increase as we get closer to Nov 3. And more specifically the likelihood that this election will not be clear cut, will be contested, lawsuits filed, etc in the days and weeks after Nov 3.

      With that in mind, do we want to proactively put up a weekly (maybe daily for the actual week of) megathread to consolidate some of it?

      18 votes
    36. How to let someone down?

      for those still committed to monogamous relationships: if you've been in a situation where you're talking with a few people that could be romantic interests, how do you let them know it's not...

      for those still committed to monogamous relationships: if you've been in a situation where you're talking with a few people that could be romantic interests, how do you let them know it's not gonna happen once you've found the (current) one ?

      9 votes
    37. Distinguish "voted" state better?

      I've been on Tildes for several months now, but, to this day, I still have trouble discerning from the UI that I've already voted on something. I end up clicking, which makes it unvote, and I have...

      I've been on Tildes for several months now, but, to this day, I still have trouble discerning from the UI that I've already voted on something. I end up clicking, which makes it unvote, and I have to click to vote again.

      This is less of a problem in the feed, because a voted post stands out more, but when you click through to a post page, that context is gone, and the problem is very pronounced.

      I don't have any great solutions top of mind, but you could explore colour changes, wording changes, or extra wording.

      14 votes
    38. What are your “Flowerbox Indicators”?

      About 15 years ago, I was impressed by a TV commercial. In a Bank of America ad about their investments in crappy neighborhoods (they didn’t phrase it that way), the spokesperson said the bank...

      About 15 years ago, I was impressed by a TV commercial. In a Bank of America ad about their investments in crappy neighborhoods (they didn’t phrase it that way), the spokesperson said the bank knew they’d succeeded, “when the flowerboxes begin showing up on front porches.”

      Teams have the same sort of indirect indications, too, for good or ill. I’m writing an article about such non-obvious metrics that managers can use to judge whether a team is healthy.

      One example is self-organizing get-togethers. It’s one thing for a manager to create team-building exercises. But when the team members arrange for such gatherings themselves — and it includes the whole team, not merely a clique — you know you have an actual team, not a bunch of employees working on the same tasks. (A negative “flower box indicator” of a project cancellation is when the company no longer refills the snack bar; but in this article I want to keep things positive.)

      For managers and other leaders: What have you recognized as “flowerbox indicator”? I want to give examples that managers can use to recognize and celebrate success.

      (We can have a great conversation here, but I do need to quote people by name, company, title if I use the input in the article.)

      18 votes
    39. Should we talk about voting again?

      Based on replies to this comment there seems to be a decent amount of interest around the topic of reworking voting, so I thought I would start a thread to get some more input. We already had...

      Based on replies to this comment there seems to be a decent amount of interest around the topic of reworking voting, so I thought I would start a thread to get some more input. We already had similar discussions about a year ago but it looks like some people's opinions may have shifted somewhat? and as was noted in the comment thread, 1 week wasn't really enough to accurately assess the value of something like making vote counts invisible.

      Things to consider:

      • Do you think how voting works changes your/other's behavior on this site? and if it does, is this change positive or negative?
      • Would you support reworking/modifying voting? If so, how?
      • How long should we test said modifications if they are made?
      • anything else you consider relevant
      21 votes
    40. Does anyone here feel like talking about how social media sites are probably used for way too many different purposes at once right now?

      In this thread, @viridian said this: Twitter, in my limited usage, has a completely different problem. It actively encourages you, by rule of the 280 character limit, to strip away all nuance and...

      In this thread, @viridian said this:

      Twitter, in my limited usage, has a completely different problem. It actively encourages you, by rule of the 280 character limit, to strip away all nuance and conversational tone. You can avoid this of course, but the UI ensures that you then suffer the consequences of having to

      split up your posts into multiple tweets, which is bad by design in every single way for the user. Replies become distributed to different tweets, and thus inaccessible without a series of 2*(# of tweets) clicks. Everything about the design is just begging you to

      box in the entirety of your thoughts to 280 character blocks, which I think is the single largest issue the platform has when it comes to encouraging thoughtful engagement. Twitter actives fights nuance and explanation, and so the platforms users follow the bad behavior

      patterns Twitter encourages.

      Completely agree, it is a bit of a feedback loop. You do have to say though that even the fact it's no longer at the original 140 characters is a concession to the fact that the kind of discourse that now happens on there rather than what it was intended for. I imagine designing something to handle both types of usage well while maintaining the platform's identity can't be easy.

      (Okay, this one was said by @culturedleftfoot.)

      It's certainly not an easy problem to solve, it may even be impossible. That said though, maybe a 280 character mass social media platform is just destined to be a net negative for society.

      And it reminded me of this comment I wrote a while ago:

      To be fair it the term 'social media' is pretty useless when it comes to describing a site's purpose. In twitter, for example, you have celebrities rambling about random aspects of their lives, politicians delivering serious to obviously canned responses to serious or made-up problems, anime artists sharing their work, YouTubers sharing sneak peeks for future videos or shilling out, all in the same platform, which is disponible in 33 languages across every continent except Sub-Saharan Africa. (which was started specifically as a SMS & microblogging site, hence the word limit). Not many 'social media platforms' actually have their intended purpose be their sole purpose, which can backfire intensely. Social media platforms might have decided to recommend people with similar opinions to you as an unintended consequence in order to find people with similar hobbies to you, rather than to create an echo chamber of radicals and stifle communication between different political beliefs.

      (Not that the fact that's a real possibility excuses them from not doing anything to combat it once they realized that was one of the side effects of their decision for most or all of my lifetime.)

      One of the IMO most underrated problems with the state of social media today is that social media platforms are used in far too many ways for any one site to be designed around.

      YouTube for example is used as a meme-consumption feed, source of education, video-game feed, ASMR feed, news feed, music feed, child cartoon feed and more.

      And since YouTube was designed mostly for video sharing, things like the comment section were of secondary importance and areas like educational or political content are greatly harmed by that since the YouTube comment section is basically impervious to serious discussion. The algorithm also appears to be basically universal for all these vastly different types of content. This also hurts educational and political channels (unless they somehow accommodate to that, usually by lying ala PragerU) but also animation channels.

      Another example would be Facebook which originally (supposedly?) started off as a platform for connecting with people, apparently limited to universities initially. Now it's used for sharing memes, news, personal life updates and more, things which are fundamentally quite different from one another and probably shouldn't be under the same site, since the things important when it comes to spreading a news article are wildly different from those when spreading a meme (format?). (Or management, obviously.)

      IMO, decentralizing social media along these lines into say news sharing platforms, meme-sharing platforms, image-sharing platforms, educational platforms, social platforms (where you go to make friends, which is what social media billed itself as early on IIRC) is IMO one of the more interesting but underlooked options and in some senses is looked on into with places like Instagram and pinterest (although obviously if these sites aren't regulated to provide privacy it's all smoke and mirrors and given this requires government action I don't blame people for ignoring this all that much).

      So does anyone else have any more thoughts?

      23 votes
    41. Turning my tabletop game into a real video game

      So, I am a filmmaker by trade. I understand scripting, pacing, etc. I also have been doing a lot of tabletop design, running a campaign for years with continuity, recurring characters that I...

      So, I am a filmmaker by trade. I understand scripting, pacing, etc. I also have been doing a lot of tabletop design, running a campaign for years with continuity, recurring characters that I design from the ground-up (excluding the rule system, so just all the dungeons, NPCs, plot devices, etc).

      With covid, film production has really slowed down and I have some time on my hands, so I thought about trying my hand at video game making, something I have honestly toyed with for decades, but never did too much of. I did have a brief window in the 00s when I had RPG Maker and I made some demos that my friends enjoyed, but that's about it.

      So, given that my programing knowledge is super limited (I took a few Java classes over a decade ago and used to do HTML in the 90s), my graphics making abilities are near non-existent (I'm good at motion graphics, but not pixel design or 3D graphics), but I have what I think is a good plot, characters and game design, what should be my first steps in trying to make this a reality? What engine should I use? I have no problem buying, for a couple bucks here and there, other people's art and what not. Ideally, probably make a 16-bit esque RPG, like FFIV, Earthbound, etc. but perhaps with more of a BioWare, "choices matter" type dialog/questing system.

      I don't expect to set the world on fire, but I do want to make what would be considered a decent looking first effort from a one man novice that, if nothing else, would be a fun experience for me to make and something fun to give my players as a gift (as we are reaching the end of the story of our campaign). And maybe, why not, something I could release for the broader public if the core is good and it's worth me hiring a few more people to help me polish it. Maybe it won't. As a filmmaker, I know how bad first films are, and a lot of times they are just learning experiences that you keep on a hard drive locked away somewhere. So, trying to be realistic while excited.

      Appreciate advice.

      14 votes
    42. Different types of 3D platformers

      Spurred by this (sub)thread on the topic of 3D Mario All Stars, I thought it would be interesting to discuss different types of 3D platformers, comparing them and perhaps even managing to group...

      Spurred by this (sub)thread on the topic of 3D Mario All Stars, I thought it would be interesting to discuss different types of 3D platformers, comparing them and perhaps even managing to group the similar ones together.

      I hope such a discussion might lead people to try some other games that they haven’t before based on what they have enjoyed before.

      Some example topics, to kick-start the discussion:

      • how the character feels/controls (e.g. their momentum, jump, move-set)
      • audio-visual package
      • story and general ambience/feeling
      • completionist goals
      • specific game mechanics
      • any other reason why one is a “must play” and how is it similar or different to others
      8 votes