Hey! I’ve been trying lately to get rid of big platforms from my life. One part of it is that I usually buy ebooks/audiobooks from apple, Amazon or google, however I’m then also forced to use their reading app, which is a vendor lock-in I’m not comfortable with.

I know there are plenty of ebook readers out there, but I’m trying to find

1. A store where I can buy ebooks that can be opened in a ebook reader of my choice.
2. A way to then sync my progress between phone and laptop. I have nextcloud setup, so if I can make use of that then it’s perfect.

Anyone here got any tips?

I recently got some superb advice here on making a fun brewery adventure, and I had a few more questions for the more experienced DMs out there. To reiterate, I am DMing a group of lvl 3 characters for only 1-2 sessions so I can learn the ropes, and I would like to include some fun traps they need to look out for. I'd love to also make sure that everyone gets a chance to contribute, and not just have the rogue (our most experienced player) do all the detection and disarming.

What sort of things would be fun to set up so that players would all need to watch their step, but could also contribute a bit?

Party has a bard, ranger, druid, and rogue.

I’m going purely on YouTube vids for the technique. They all seem to agree to soak in water and then cook the rice cakes in stock, then add gochujang, gochugaru, soy sauce, sugar, cook until thick, top with spring onion and optionally add cheese. (I’m skipping the fish cakes).

Some recipes start by frying some garlic, some fry off the gochugaru etc for a minute, some add the white part of the spring onion much earlier… I’m not sure whether any of these steps are necessary/make a big difference.

Anyone who is familiar with the dish - is there anything extra you do to elevate this dish? Anything I should know about the cooking process?

Hey everybody!

I joined the Tildes Minecraft server last week and had an absolute blast building my house. I've barely played any Minecraft before (only early-game wandering around and mining) and it was super fun to wander the town and see everyone's builds and to build my own house based on stuff I looked up online. Also the bit where part of my house started burning down and everybody online came to help put it out (I did not know how to put it out myself guys so y'all were lifesavers there) was unironically super fun.

However, my house is more or less finished for now, and since I'm not very experienced with Minecraft I have no idea what to do next. There are already tons of cool farms in the town (legitimately super impressed) but I don't know enough about the game to feel comfortable trying to fill any gaps there, and I certainly don't feel comfortable trying to gather resources in more difficult areas like the Nether or The End given my extremely low skill level (others can attest I was repeatedly killed by the same skeleton over and over on more than one occasion lol). So now I'm wondering... what do I do next?

In a singleplayer game I'd just look up what my options are online, but since this is a multiplayer server it feels more like something I should ask the community about. What can I contribute to the server as a total noob? What are things that I can do that won't interfere with other people's projects or get ruined by me not having the experience with Minecraft to implement it properly? Is there anything that people are really itching to have done that is within my skillset?

In addition to this, any more general advice about how to play the game, particularly in a multiplayer setting like this, is super appreciated. Everyone I've chatted with on the server has been super nice and I'm really loving the environment y'all have created.

Also unrelatedly can someone please tell me how the public transit works. I do not know how to ride it lol.

I also was wondering whether there's any dedicated space to discussing and planning things on this server yet, like a Discord server or something. Obviously tildes itself exists, but I figure someplace for more transient discussions and planning would also be handy and I wondered if someone had already made one.

We are renting a condo in an area that's experiencing tremendous rent and home price increases, so much so that if we refuse to renew our increased lease, we'd be looking at spending 2-3x on rent for a similar property. This is, somewhat conveniently, almost exactly what the total cost of monthly expenses would be if we purchased the unit at its estimated cost when comparing to similar units in the complex that recently sold. We also really like the location and would rather eat an increase in rent here than relocate in our city, which complicates things a little further.

My wife and I have floated the idea of approaching our property manager and asking if the owner has any willingness to sell, but we are also trying to imagine possible consequences of starting that conversation -- in particular, should they opt to sell but not to us. There are also some things that we'd like to update in our unit that would fall under the landlord's obligation while we are renting (plumbing issues, windows and blinds need repairs, etc.), so we're trying to gauge if we should even have this conversation before we request repairs.

We've thought about a few different options, and I'd be interested to hear from others who have tried anything similar.

1. Just ask to buy it and see what happens.

   • Pro: skirt all the bullshit and just get to the meat of the issue, which is that we want to buy the property.
   • Con: They check the price, decide to sell to someone else and we're back in "rent the same for more but in a worse location" territory. If they decide to sell to us, they might resist performing repairs because they'll just offload it to us eventually.

2. Wait for repairs to be done, then ask.

   • Pro: get our unit fixed, improve QOL immediately.
   • Con: They might be less likely to sell to us if they think we were trying to get stuff fixed so we didn't have to fix it after buying.

3. Offer some kind of plan to cost-share improvements or fixes in exchange for rent adjustments within the initial approach about buying.

   • Pro: Get improvements/fixes to the house quickly, reduce rent expenses regardless of if we are able to buy or not.
   • Con: They essentially get to subsidize improvements to their unit for long-term gain while we only get short-term benefits.

First post! This may be a silly thing to ask but whenever I try clothes at the shop it feels fine but after a few days there's always some little things that nagged me (like shirt that's sticky or pants got a bit tight if I walk or sit weird). I rarely buy new clothes so likely just lacking in experience. In case it's relevant, I'm male, skinny and has large hip.

I don’t know why, but I just can’t get good at Chess. I’ve played for a couple of years and my elo fluctuates drastically. I’ve been as high as 900 and as low as 750 playing rapid in the last two weeks on chess.com. I would just like to break 1000 for now, or heck, even just get into the mid 900’s.

Does anyone have any resources or tips for how to get better at this game? I’ve watched videos online, I’ve been doing the lessons and whatnot that are offered through chess.com as well. I’m just so incredibly frustrated and I’m tired of losing all the time.

I have two goals this year. The second is to submit at least one short story to a literary magazine. The first is to write one good short story (just kidding, the first is to write one story a week in the hope that one will be good enough to submit).

Of course the goal in my secret heart is to have my submission accepted but let’s not get ahead of ourselves here. Walk before you can run, and so on.

So, writers (particularly of fiction), have you ever submitted a short story to a literary magazine? How did it go? Did you learn anything in the process that you wish you’d known before? Any tips for a rookie?

Since pretty much the beginning of the year, I've been searching on-and-off for something WFH-related, but it feels like the only thing that ever calls me back is something that either defines itself as 'contract work', requires cold calling or sales (which is insanely stressful and comes with those good 'ol CommissionsTM!), or lists as remote but is actually hybrid.

I'm fine with tech support, customer support, data entry-- I just don't want a job that has "make your own hours!" or shift bids or whatever. And yet, I never hear back from anything that isn't either pseudo-telemarketing or something else that relies on commission in order to actually justify a viable living.

And don't get me started on the website applications. What in the fuck is the point of Indeed if every single major company just asks me to apply on their site afterwards, anyway? I already have all of this information, along with about 60 of those proficiency tests that are supposed to get me noticed, already filled out on Indeed. And even if I download my Indeed profile as a resume and upload it to another site, if I'm lucky it'll pull my previous employer's name and my job title. But that still means filling in contact information, references, and the whole shebang of everything else.

I've also tried to find something local that's not Remote, but unless I want something super-mega-corporate, full-time seems to be out of the picture.

So anyone have any suggestions? What do I do at this point? Indeed feels like how most people describe Tinder if you're a straight man, or finding a D&D group if you're not a DM.

Oh, as an aside: About 50% of WFH jobs seem to be related to medical in some way, and all of those require someone who already has experience in medical data entry or something already. How does that work? Ditto insurance companies, I guess.

My spouse and I went to dinner with my parents in law tonight. Father-IL can be hard in Mother-IL generally speaking, often picking on her and 'teasing' her. Mostly criticism. It can make things pretty uncomfortable, but as mid-westerners do, rarely my spouse or the other family people speak up unless it's to rib back in order to deflect or make it stop. FIL and MIL are both in their late 70's, so aging, and conservative catholic, so daily drinkers. We went to dinner tonight to celebrate my MIL's birthday. FIL is generally stressed out due to drama with his siblings/health issues/he's just a super stressed out person, and he ordered something in a wrap and asked for no onion. Meal came and there was onions. FIL complains passively to us and we say he should say something. He says, "no, no, no."

Server came and asked, "how is everything?"

FIL says "it's fine, it's fine"

MIL starts to say, "well..."

FIL interrupts with, "shut your mouth, MIL!"

Awkward silence...eat dinner when it comes...everyone is trying to act like nothing happened.

We finish dinner and we're finishing our drinks and MIL asks, "myspouse, are you okay?"

My spouse says stilted, "yeah, I'm fine."

MIL says, "world, are you okay?"

And out of me erupted, sternly but not with a yell, towards my FIL, "it's not okay to say 'shut your mouth' yo your wife."

Everyone got quiet. Then FIL tried to defend himself and say, "I've rarely ever said that, something something, I don't need this."

Then he shut me down so I just said, "heared, heard" and left.

He said in the car on the way home, "maybe I over reacted, but..."

And I said, "I shouldn't have said anything, I know you're under a lot of stress."

Now everything is awkward and strained and quiet. I don't need to be adding more to an already stressful life situation for older folk whom I do care about, but I couldn't hold my tongue. How does one strike balance in a situation like that?

I'm wondering if anyone here might be able to help me with this.

We've bought a Amazon Echo Dot for my Grandma who's no longer able to see very well. The idea was to connect it to her Smart TV so that she would be able to navigate it using voice commands rather than the remote (which she can't see).

I've been able to add the TV as a device on the Alexa app, however I'm unable to get Alexa to carry out any commands on the TV - change the channel, open an app etc.

I believe that what I need to do is connect the TV to the Echo Dot via Bluetooth. Is this correct? Is it functionally a different thing than having something as a device in the app? Currently when I go to the TV under devices and click to manage linked Alexa devices, the Echo Dot is greyed out because it's already paired with a device (presumably the iPad where I've downloaded the app as there are no other devices connected).

If the lack of bluetooth connection is the issue, I'll need to buy a Bluetooth transmitter for the TV has it doesn't have bluetooth capability. So I just wanted to see if anyone had any advice for me before I invest in another piece of tech.

I've started to date a lovely woman, and she's now allowed me to know that she has Dissociative Identity Disorder. I've done my best to read and watch information about the 'disorder' but I was wondering if anyone has had any experiences that might they're willing to share.

I know that everyone is different, and there's no set way anyone who has it acts or behaves.

Hi everyone... I am trying to build a gravity fed watering system for my ducks. I want to have a 5 gallon jug up top, and quarter inch tubing running down into the coop area. I have a float valve, and tubing, and brass compression fittings. Everything is a quarter inch, and everything is fitting together really nicely.

However, I have no idea what part I am supposed to get that connects the compression fitting to the upper jug. There has to be a part that goes inside the jug, has a washer of some kind, and pokes through the jug, so that the compression fitting can screw onto it. Otherwise there is nothing to hold that piece to the jug. Reference Image

I have never built anything like this and I am trying really hard. I've gone to three separate hardware stores to just kind of look at all the pieces, but it is so disorganized and all the tiny shelves just seem to contain random parts that don't match the label. There are acronyms I don't know and can't find any forums for this specific project. All the animal waterers that are online require a hose or electricity and I have neither of those, hence needing it to be gravity fed.

I am starting to get really really discouraged :( I don't even know what question I am supposed to be asking. I just want to connect the tubing into a 5 gallon jug without it leaking out, but right now I just have a compression fitting stuck into a hole in a jug and nothing keeping it in place and all the water leaks out the side. Apologies if this is the wrong section to post this.. Thank you in advance if you have any advice.

I've read nice things about Amazon's S3. There are some compatible implementations from other major vendors like Google and Cloudflare. There are projects that automatically back up and replicate a sqlite database using S3. Some people have backed up Google Photos to S3.

But I've never used any of them. What would be a good way to get started? Amazon or another vendor? (And does this make sense at all?)

I'll start by saying that there's nothing wrong with how VirtualHere functions. I have used it for a couple years on my nvidia shield while streaming games from my pc and it's perfect for what I need. The problem I have encountered is that I'm no longer using the shield and have transitioned my entire setup to use a raspberry pi 4 instead because the shields wifi becoming more unstable with every update nvidia pushes.

I would love to continue just using VirtualHere, but I've just learned that the developer does not allow a license transfer for any reason so my $50 license is completely useless now that the shield is gone. Knowing that the license is non-transferable makes me unlikely to ever spend money on it again because I cannot guarantee how long these devices will last and $50 is far too steep for a single device private use license on any software. My primary use case is with a moonlight/sunshine setup which can handle the controller inputs just fine after a little bit of input file tinkering.

The things I absolutely cannot figure out how to make work without VirtualHere is a Dolphin bar that is used for Wii/WiiU games and the gamecube controller to usb adapters. I've seen people mention using usbip, but I haven't been able to find any reasonable explanation or documentation on how to actually use usbip without fully configuring it every time the device reboots.

I'm not against the idea of a more manual setup. I just need something that once it's configured will allow passthrough of any usb device from a raspberry pi to a windows machine and not charge me a fortune every time I need to swap hardware in the future. I'd be willing to pay for similar software if it was a little more reasonably priced for what I'm doing.

I've been participating in my first DnD sessions with a friend, and I'm greatly enjoying it. I've asked permission to DM a single session to get my feet wet, and one place I've always loved (since Planescape Torment) is Sigil. I'd love to have my party wind up there as they sleep, then have them try to learn how to get back home.

I thought it might be fun to have a heist of sorts where they need to get into a brewery to steal some items. I'd like to have some creatures working there that they could fight (if thievery goes wrong), but also some bigger creatures they might be able to avoid in the narrow hallways.

What might be some good options? I've looked at goblins with an ogre moving barrels around, or perhaps some Kua-Toa creatures.

I have a roughly 23kg/50lb furball who is approaching 12. She had a CCL rupture 4 years ago, but the vet missed it and thought it was just strained; it wasn't until a year later and she was having leg weakness that I brought her to a different vet who assessed the old CCL injury and that as a result, the knee had developed arthritis. Since then, we have been treating it with pain management, weight loss, and joint supplements. I had asked that vet about surgery but their advice was that it's much more effective immediately and less so once the arthritis is settled in. Her right CCL ruptured later in that year since she'd been overexerting that leg (apparently most dogs who injure one will later injure the other); she immediately had the suture surgery and it went fantastically, with her regaining essentially normal use of that leg.

A few years on and the right leg remains strong but the left leg is weakening, with her starting to show some pain reactions to its use, and I'd like to get some opinions on paths forward. Despite her age she is still in excellent physical shape apart from the leg and I want to be sure her hopefully many years are happy and comfortable. Note this is not in lieu of vet advice (I am writing this from the vet waiting room), but more looking for people's experiences who have tried some of these.

So things I have been considering:

• Surgery of some kind - suture, TPLO, even artificial knee? Pro, fix the knee weakness. Con, with the recovery and risk, I am not confident it would save her more pain and discomfort long term than the procedure would cause. I also have a feeling a full joint replacement might be exorbitantly expensive.
• Physical therapy
• Orthopedic brace
• Accepting that I have an elder pupper and just trying to manage the symptoms :(

My spouse and I adopted a 9 week old Husky puppy this past weekend who is suffering greatly from separation anxiety and we are at a bit of a loss on how exactly to deal with it. This is not our first puppy or Husky puppy, but the separation anxiety is new territory for us. We have spent a lot of time reading guides on helping a puppy adjust to being on their own and talking with a close friend who is a vet tech, but I wanted to see if there are any things we may have overlooked.

Things we are already doing:

1. Daily walks - we typically take 2x 10-20 minute walks during the day, depending on the weather. We are in the southeastern part of the US and it is unbelievably hot during the day so we go early in the morning and late at night, afternoon is pretty much not an option with temperatures reaching the upper 90's.
2. Lots of play time - tug of war and fetch are the most entertaining for her right now. We also have a neighbor that adopted a German Shephard puppy that is about the same age and they have loved playing together.
3. Crate training - We have a crate in our room which she sleeps in overnight and one in our work area for during the day when she naps.

Things we are starting to implement:

1. Leaving the room for short amounts of time. We are giving her a treat that is only used for this type of training that she really likes in hopes that she associates us leaving as a good thing because she gets a yummy treat.
2. Returning to the room before she gets really anxious so she doesn't associate the crying and destructive behavior with us coming back.
3. She has two Kong toys that I am going to put yummy food in before we leave the room to keep her mind occupied on that instead of the fact that were not there.

I guess I'm looking to see if there are any other tips or tricks we haven't thought of? Any advice or things that worked for your puppies?

I've got an indoor stephanotis which got an infestation of mealybugs (bad soil I think). I gave it a spray of Safer 5118-6 insecticidal soap (49.something% potassium salts of fatty acids) and have been going around (and around and around) the plant with an alcohol soaked pad to pick them off. It's a pretty thick mess of vines, and after several days of hunting I've found a lot, but of course it needs to be zero. It's had a problem with scale as well in the past, but this seems to be pretty minor right now. I've encountered just 2-3 leaves with that, and alcohol-wiped them too.

So my question is, is this insecticidal soap the most suitable thing to use (it does specify it targets mealybugs) or is there something better? I plan to give it a good saturation in a couple more days, really try to hit every spot.

I've been struggling with finding a good workflow for taking notes on the journal articles which I read. I collate articles using Zotero, yet its in-built notetaking features (and comment scraping from PDFs) is quite poor. So, my alternative so far has been to write up notes by hand, but this is pretty cumbersome and makes it take some time to refer to my notes. My approach is clearly not effective!

How do you take notes on the papers which you read? Do you prefer to use written notes, or do you type your notes? In any case, what is your preferred means of storing and categorising your notes? And are there particular software which you use, if you opt for typed notes? (At present, I use an A5 notebook. Yet, this is not alphabetised or organised by topic, which compounds my struggles.)

So I've recently noticed that the hair on the top/back of my head is starting to thin. It's enough now that if my hair isn't brushed perfectly back you can see scalp through the thinner hair.

My dad went bald, so if I do too so be it -- but I was wondering if anyone had any suggestions for good shampoo/products to delay and or repair.

Thanks

Hi, I have a weird cubic space in my garage wall due to the location of the chimney and stairs to the basement.
The lower edge of that cubic hole is at 41 inches (104 cm) from the floor. Its deep is 40 inches (101 cm). Width 39 inches (99 cm). Height 46 inches (117 cm).
Too deep for static shelves, I cannot reach the end. Too tall for sliding shelves (kind of drawer thing), I am 5'7'' (172 cm). In its current form, it is too much of a space for its practical use.
I thought that a carousel that moves shelves up and down (like in this design for shoes https://storagemotion.com/shoeselect/) but for heavier weights would be practical... I have no idea how to even name the parts to buy them, if they exist.
Also, I will appreciate suggestions for an alternative solution.
Thanks.
PS: located in Massachusetts, US.

Hi everyone — I am trying to get a job in web development after a decade in a mostly unrelated field.

I am looking for ideas and tips to create a portfolio to send with applications. All of the websites I worked on ages ago have been taken offline or redesigned by someone else. I do have a website I created for my music, but it’s just vanilla HTML. I also have a personal website which is really the only thing I have to show.

I know HTML/CSS quite well, but that’s basically it. I’ve worked with WordPress for years but only just recently began learning enough PHP to do anything custom. I don’t really know Javascript much at all.

I have quite a few paid courses through Udemy for all these different areas but even as I have completed them, I don’t feel confident in knowledge of the different languages. These courses nearly always come with projects that the students create with the instructor. Should I use these as part of my portfolio? For some reason I never felt right doing that, since I didn’t build it myself.

So I guess I’m curious (if any of you are web developers) if you have suggestions for how to fill out a portfolio without any previous work examples.

Side note: I wasn’t sure how to word the title or my question particularly well so please edit it more clearly, Those Who Can Edit.

edit: thank you to everyone who took the time to reply to this. it’s all been very helpful and i appreciate everyone’s input immensely!

One of the things I want to do when I purchase a home is not subscribe to the whole lawn culture, not just because I hate lawn care, but because I think they're ugly and boring. I want something a little more eco-friendly and more comfortable to be in. I'm thinking fast growing trees, bushes, tall plants, etc.

Has anyone on Tildes attempted such a conversion? What are some tips you'd recommend?

Apologies if this isn't in line with the spirit of the group/site but I'm just looking for some advice really.

I'm 27m and just feel really stuck career wise. I didn't do very well in school and it took me a lot longer than everyone else to figure out myself. I have a degree in a redundant subject (very niche, no value in any career). Before COVID I was finally able to get my live music photography work off the ground but then that came crashing down. Other than that I mostly only have experience in retail and hospitality, and I've been a manager in both fields.

I'm looking for a work from home job for multiple reasons, mostly customer success/account management jobs and have had a few interviews too. I even got down to the final 2 for a promising one a few months ago. Every single job basically said that it was only down to my lack of experience compared to other candidates, but they did like me.

What is there I can actually do to aide this? I'm just worried that the older I get with only retail management work the harder it will be for me to start a real career path. The whole thing is getting me really down and I just don't know what to do.

Thanks.

I am currently frustrated with having to pick another 2 hours of classes to take to maintain eligibility of a scholarship. I can't take any more major (CS) related classes, as I do not have all the prerequisites. I can't take any lower core classes as I have finished them all, from getting my general ed AA degree first. There are little filler electives I can take. One of them being first aid, a class that everyone says I need to take. However I do not want to take that class, it will be online and I had that professor for another online class last semester. I did not like the class at all. It was a read the textbook and answer the questions kind of class with no professor interaction at all. I think the first aid class will be exactly like that as well. There are some 1 hour classes I could choose from, however that would mean 2 more classes to juggle just to meet scholarship requirements. I am frustrated with this for multiple reasons, I'm indecisive, I've been putting it off all summer, and classes will start back very soon (aug 24th). I have tried talking to my family about it, but it ends up being a "you need to get this done" or a "just take the first aid course". They make choosing a class sound so simple when it is not as other stuff to juggle through. With it being so late it adds even more problems, as classes are filled up and deadlines are soon.

Does tildes have any advice about this? Anything you want to comment or add?

I struggle with trichotillomania which is a compulsion to pluck my own hair. Mine is focused primarily on my beard, resulting in unsightly bare patches. I am working through the mental health component of this condition already, but a better hair and skin care regiment could help reduce the triggers that start me plucking hairs.

I keep my beard relatively close cropped to my face. When the hairs in my bald patches start to regrow there is typically a lot of irritation which starts me touching my face, which leads me to find bumps like zits and blackheads and “weird hairs”, like kinky hairs, hairs growing in the wrong direction, particularly hard or soft hairs, anything that feels off when I run my fingers over them. This has the side effect of depositing more dirt and oils from my fingers onto my face, which creates a kind of feedback loop where the dirtier my face is the more I want to touch it, and the more I touch it the dirtier it gets. When I encounter these bumps and weird hairs I will want to pick at them and I won’t stop thinking about it until I do. It is a real struggle that I am working through and I figure if I can reduce that irritation that triggers it I’ll be less likely to touch and therefore pluck.

What I am hoping to find here are general care tips I can use for my short-cropped beard. What kind of products do you use for both the hairs themselves and your face, what methods do you use to trim, etc.? Currently I wash my face with a cleanser, followed by a toner, then a serum or lotion, but I don’t use any products specifically for my beard hairs themselves. I trim with an electric razor when my beard is between .5 and 1 inches long and I’ll trim it down to about 1/8 of an inch, or whatever setting 7, 8, or 9 is on my razor.

Does anyone here have any experience with Aspiration or Amalgamated bank? I am interested in opening a new credit account and can't seem to decide which one to pick.

I've picked these two because of their environmental commitments, but I'm leaning towards Amalgamated since it's based in the East Coast.

Edit: Unfortunately, Beneficial is only in the West

Just wanted to put this out there as a little PSA in case it's helpful: if you want a cloud server but don't wanna pay anything, Oracle's Free Tier is a life saver. Discovered it a year ago and couldn't be happier I did, since I'd never pay for cloud computing otherwise 😭.

Quick Specs:

For free you get:

• 24/7 uptime
• 200gb of storage space
• 24GB of RAM
• 4 OCPUs
• 4 Gbps Bandwidth

That's been more than enough for me and honestly feels too good to be true. Some things I've done with this:

• Minecraft Server
• Radarr/Sonarr Plex Setup
• I'd like to make my own backup solution as well!

If anyone has any other ideas for cool projects I could self host, please do tell I'm curious what else I could do :)

Tale as old as time, I suppose. Straight man doesn't understand women. I'm hoping this site will provide a healthy place to discuss my feelings and get wholesome input from others without it turning into a pity party or cesspool.

I didn't have any interest in dating until after I'd graduated college. Unfortunately, I immediately moved to an area of the country notorious for its unfavorable gender ratio. There are many more men than women here which means I'm starting on hard mode. I do at least have some traits which make things easier than for most. I am high earning, reasonably fit (not super cut but I work out most days), tall and I believe mentally healthy. However I can tell that my approach doesn't really catch with most people.

I've had limited success out here. Some of my failures are mine to own. Getting started from nothing means I'm venturing into the unknown. I'm a naturally anxious person and never felt any intuition in social situations. Thankfully I've managed to figure out a way of being that jives with some people and learned the hard way the things I do that don't jive so well. But dating seems to have its own social rules - and they're harder to learn due to all of the misinformation.

To sort out a lot of the misinformation I look to the people I see with the greatest degree of success. The older couples that are clearly deeply happy. My parents do pretty well in that regard. They've been married for 30-ish years with nothing more than a short argument between them. Or maybe I'll talk with an older co-worker who loves his wife the same way he did decades ago. People say that all happy families are the same, and unhappy families each broken in their own way. It's clear that there are some things in common with the happy couples - a universal recipe for happiness and success.

• Forgiveness
• Consistent effort
• Flexibility
• Similar values

I try to take these virtues with me when dating.

Of course, mutual attraction is a black box and also plays an important role. I've tried dating women that are just outside of what I would consider attractive. I think it's important to know what truly is important to me. But I found that things did not feel right and I can't compromise in that way. I'm not looking for a 10. But if I know they are not attractive to me it won't work.

In the normal world (outside of online dating) I think the odds of a random person being instantly notably attractive are very low. Someone needs to be sufficiently aesthetically attractive, but also have the right mind and soul. Without the latter two I have no interest. So for me when I've met a nice woman from a dating app the process of learning more about this person begins - and it can take a while to truly get to know someone. But I draw on the virtue of effort and am more than willing to make that an active process as we get closer.

There are actually some people out there that this all seems to align with. I think it's mostly a matter of time before I find the right person - so I'm not entirely discouraged. But the vast majority of women I meet seem to have the same feedback. They don't feel a connection - maybe that translates to "they're not attracted enough to me", maybe it's something else. But what I call a "connection" is something that can't be absolutely determined after one date.

Given my profile pictures are representative of my appearance, I don't think they're all saying I'm aesthetically unattractive to them. Sure, some might decide after meeting me that they aren't as attracted in person. I experience that for myself some of the time. But I suspect that much of the time this is more of a mismatched approach. I really want to know either how better to find my kind of person, or what ways I can adapt to be flexible for the women I'm dating.

Edit: Thank you everyone for your thoughts!

A lot of people said a lot of things, many of which sounds right to me but only a few I think are applicable as next steps.

1. My own reflection leads me to believe that being more present and less analytical will make dates more enjoyable and productive for both people.
2. Keeping a very long term goal in mind cripples the dynamic of early dating. It requires future prediction abilities beyond what a human can do.
3. I don't know if I can be the "fun guy" all the time but I can definitely increase the amount of fun.

I wrote up a journal entry about what I wrote here and everyone's responses. I'll bring up my thoughts with my therapist later. Maybe this is weird but I threw the journal entry into ChatGPT. If nothing else it was positive and cheerful, which is helpful. But I was able to drill down on a few different things and got answers that sound reasonable. This is surely a common enough topic that it's got good training data for it.

I'd also like to say, for whoever reads my comments, that much of what I wrote is more about following a thought as far as it will go more so than putting my internal constitution into writing. I'm here to be as malleable as I need to be.

In a few weeks I'm starting a new position at work that will be 7p-7a, 2 days in a row (each week, so work for 2 days, off for 5). It'll be a sort of "on call" type position that will have busier spats at the beginning and end of the shift, but the middle tends to be slow, occasionally no work at all. My employer doesn't have any major restrictions as far as work downtime, I have a lot of freedom there.

What tips do y'all have for managing sleep surrounding overnight shifts, and also maintaining alertness/awakeness during the overnight shifts?

I've been doing some high-ish quality wooden jigsaw puzzles, and I'm a bit worried about them getting damaged, so I'm using a puzzle mat. And...I hate it, so much. It's crazy hard to move completed sections around if you need to rearrange, which is often an issue since i always solve without looking at the image. This is the primary irritation, but it's significant, and there's also some secondary irritations like the board is just kinda annoying to deal with and it's itchy lol.

So, to people who do jigsaw puzzles, how do you protect your pieces? Do you use a puzzle mat? Something else? Just do it on a hard surface and all is fine?

(also meta-note: this is my first topic post here so I hope I've done this correctly, tell me if I haven't!)

Hey there! I posted this on r/magictcg a while back, but I've seen and received many new ideas for cards and I'd love to see if you have any new ones.

I had my Japanese copy of Sliver Queen in my wallet for years because my friend found it for $2 in a bargain bin, and I thought I could just buy another - not knowing it was Reserve List. Whoops. So I decided to build an Illegal Slivers EDH deck where every card is somehow not quite legitimate, with a few restrictions - no power 9, no OG duals, and if I can help it try to make as much variety between restrictions as possible, all while trying to keep it as a legitimate deck that aims to use Queen as the wincon. But I'm only about a quarter of the way there. Here's what's up:

• Cards from other games with the same or similar names are used; Swamp from Wyvern, Island from Dominion, Ancient Tomb from Pokemon, Xiahou Dun the One-eyed from Wixoss, Karoo from One Piece, Duel Masters copy of Muscle Sliver...

• I'm using relevant illegal MtG prints - World Championship decks, Mystery Booster playtests, an art copy of the Unearth Sliver I keep forgetting the name of, silver borders / acorns, etc. Also Clickslither (from Legions!) instead of Quick Sliver (from Legions!).

• I was looking for a Wheel of Fortune tarot card before I found that lööps sticker and decided to go with that.

• My favorite is that someone originally stole the shipment of Crystalline Sliver promos before they were going to give them out... So if you had a copy of it at one point, it was literally-illegal stolen goods. Eventually they retrieved them and distributed them.

I've got other ideas, and I'm trying to break each rule. Looking for:

• The best single thing from the ban list

• Lutri as companion, or one card used twice

• One ante card

• Planechase and Conspiracy

• The card Unquenchable Fury, to be confused with Unquenchable Fury

• A 30th Anniversary card

• Some oversize cards as regular-size proxies

• An AI generated Sliver as a proxy

• Some configuration of Unfinity Stickers to make a new Sliver card of my own

• A World's Smallest for something like a Night's Whisper

• An Armageddon trading card for Armageddon, a Hearthstone from WoW TCG, a Force of Will from L5R TCG, a whole bevy of cards from LotR card game... I still also need Sliv-Mizzet.

And once this is all done... Find 100 different card sleeves to wrap these in. I'd also love - LOVE - to get the Queen graded and still use it as my Commander.

So, Tildes - how else can I make this deck even worse? Thanks!

Does anyone know of any good resources for helping kids understand when their dad is not their bio dad? My brother is not his eldests bio dad. Some bullying/ nastiness means my Bro and his Mrs are sitting the kid down today (on an expedited schedule) to tell him and explain hes not a mistake etc. Are there any good educational bits anyone might know of?

I am putting a new surface on my Deck. I am using Trex and 2.5" composite specific screws. These are small head screws with a T20 torx bit.

[img]https://i.ibb.co/MchtXPx/20230628-175119.jpg[/img]

I am 7.5 boards in out of 25 boards and I have destroyed 5 bits, 3 of them brand name impact rated bits. I am making sure to stay cammed in, and weight on top of the screw. I am lining the drill up with the angle of the screw. I am also predrilling every hole.

I feel like I have to be doing something wrong. I just don't know what else to do.

Edit - these are the exact screws I am using - https://www.homedepot.com/p/Grip-Rite-9-x-2-1-2-in-Brown-Star-Drive-Pan-Head-Coarse-Composite-Deck-Screw-10-lbs-Pack-N212CSB10BK/207193648

I have dug around the net for a little while now, and other than direct purchase from Japan I am having trouble finding light novels. Specifically for several anime series I liked and want to read the originals for. Anyone know where I can find light novels in general for purchase or otherwise?

I am taking my 70 year old mother on a guided trip to Spain and Portugal. She is very excited. The trip starts in Barcelona, goes down the cost and over to Lisbon and Porto and then ends in Madrid. We then plan on taking a train to the coast. Before going back to Barcelona and traveling home

I have three main questions

1. Can I bring my unlocked pixel 5a and add a secondary sim card? How does that work?
2. Are there any must have items I should pack that I may not think of?
3. Anyone have any advice for me?

This is my first trip to mainland Europe, and probably her last international trip so I want it to be easy, stress free and memorable.

From what I can tell, this is a pretty hot debate in the open-source world. I've spent the last ~5 years or so investing into learning UNIX systems, particularly Linux. I just came across an article expounding the glories of OpenBSD as a system, and it made some valid points. Generally though, I don't want to dive deeper than I have to into learning new platforms for the sake of it. I do want to arrive at the simplest possible configuration for a digital system, and that involves choosing the best possible foundation. It should be noted that I am looking for a system that is effective as a personal computer / internet browser as well as a general purpose server.

For users of OpenBSD - What's your usecase? why did you switch? What did you miss? What did you appreciate?

For users of Linux who have tried other kernels - what was your experience? Was it worth trying? Why did you switch back?

This will be my first time there. We are interested to visit the Carter Center and the Martin Luther King center but haven't finalized plans. Lodging is taken care of. Is there food you highly recommend? Other sightseeing?

Thanks!

My lease is ending within the next two-three months and I have been trying to plan my next steps. My goal has been to buy a house (and hopefully coincide with my lease ending) but the more I have been looking at inventory, the more I have been hesitating about that commitment. I currently am a full time remote worker who can live in any US state at any given point.

I found that I can find a short term rental (60-90 days) in downtown Honolulu and am finding myself increasingly interested in the prospect. I have never visited Hawaii, and while I was recently married, we never actually went on a honeymoon because we are saving for a house. The rental I would choose would be ~$2300 a month, fully furnished and utilities included. I of course would have additional cost to consider, such as needing to put all my furniture in storage and paying rent on the locker. In addition, I would not have my car so I would need to find a decent place that is walking distance to life necessities.

This option would not make me broke, but it would cost me additional money. If I bought a house now, I would probably have to hold off on any big vacations for awhile, and Hawaii was on our list to go to in the next 5 years.

So just curious, what are your thoughts? Would this be a good way to spend my winter or would the burden of not having a car be difficult in Hawaii? Any other things I need to think about?

My poor beautiful boy is really going through it at the moment. He's just shy of 5 months and puberty is hitting him like a truck - he's lost two of his puppy teeth in a week, his adult coat is coming through in patches and now he's suddenly becoming terrified of people with seemingly no rhyme or reason.

Strangers (even strangers we walked past 30 minutes ago with no issue), family members that he'd spent the last 4-5 hours around on a visit and yesterday even my partner who's been there since day 1 and takes him out on walks and plays with him every day! It's not constant either; when my partner tentatively came downstairs to go to work this morning it was all smiles and waggy tails like nothing had happened.

I understand this is a pretty normal stage in a dog's development so we've just got to try and endure it until it passes. I've tried leash corrections and moving away, getting him to focus on me and rewarding him when he does, as well as inching closer and getting the scary person to throw treats at a distance when that's feasible. I know teaching him sit/ down would be extremely helpful and we're prioritising that.

I've also booked a 1-2-1 training appointment for the end of this week so hopefully a professional can help us figure things out but I'm hoping to hear from any fellow puppy owners. How did you cope with fear periods? Any tips?

Edit to specify: he's a belgian shepherd. We've had him for just over 5 weeks now.

Thank you so much everyone for your comments so far! The big theme is tiredness so I'm starting to get a plan of action together for dealing with this today:

• light physical activity, training and brain games in the morning/ afternoon
• main physical activity after work to get him good and tired
• keep an eye on his energy levels and try to create some structured naptimes

Also:

• carefully consider puppy classes
• if we have to go visiting, take familiar bedding
• rinse, repeat, rinse, repeat

We'll go to the park again straight after work as we always have in the spirit of consistency and hopefully get good and weary before my partner gets back tonight.

I've noticed a significant amount of mod actions taking place over the last few days, and quite a few locked topics, so I just wanted to offer some basic advice for all the new users to help prevent that from continuing, or getting worse.

Don't bring the bad habits you learned on reddit here to Tildes, please. Consider this a chance to start fresh.

It's okay to walk away from a disagreement here before it escalates into a heated argument. And when arguments happen, please don't resort to insulting the other person, as that just escalates things even further, and pollutes the atmosphere here. Not everyone who disagrees with you, or misinterprets your meaning or intent, is acting in bad faith. So try to assume good faith before responding. And if you can't do that, then just walk away. Take a breather. It's not the end of the world if you let someone else have the last word in a disagreement.

Don't use the Exemplary label (which many of you have recently unlocked the ability to use) as a "super-agree" between two people having an argument. It's not meant for picking a side. That's not what it's for. And if you do use it that way your ability to use Exemplary labels may be revoked.

And finally, try to be nice. Please. Don't be a jerk. As Eevee said in On a technicality (which I recommend everyone read, since it inspired some of the core philosophies behind Tildes):

There are some nice people in the world. I mean nice people, the sort I couldn’t describe myself as. People who are friends with everyone, who are somehow never involved in any argument, who seem content to spend their time drawing pictures of bumblebees on flowers that make everyone happy.

Those people are great to have around. You want to hold onto them as much as you can.

But people only have so much tolerance for jerkiness, and really nice people often have less tolerance than the rest of us.

The trouble with not ejecting a jerk — whether their shenanigans are deliberate or incidental — is that you allow the average jerkiness of the community to rise slightly. The higher it goes, the more likely it is that those really nice people will come around less often, or stop coming around at all. That, in turn, makes the average jerkiness rise even more, which teaches the original jerk that their behavior is acceptable and makes your community more appealing to other jerks. Meanwhile, more people at the nice end of the scale are drifting away.

And Tildes wants to hold on to those nice people.

I am taking a trip soon to London and will possibly be adding a couple days in Paris. It's been a hot minute (few years) since visiting the UK and would like to solicit some timely advice and tips. One thing that comes to mind: How important is it to carry cash? Would I need to pay London and Paris street vendors or any shops with cash or will a card with no exchange fees suffice? While we will of course be visiting some tourist attractions like museums, most of our time will be taken up with book stores, record shops, food and coffee shops.

(US) My Fitbit Charge 2 is on her last legs. I'm torn between looking at a smart watch, a smarter fitness tracker, or something at relatively the same level. I have a Pixel and don't use the Apple ecosystem but really don't know what route to go.

Mostly I like the reminder to move, step tracking, and the simple notifications on the Charge 2. I don't need to answer my phone on my watch, I think, but seeing that it's my partner calling is a big deal. But I also could be that person desperately waiting to discover smart watches and fall in love with them, I suppose.

Longer battery life would be preferable as remembering to charge things is a less than fun side-quest. And I doubt I'd be using GPS on it. But again, maybe I would? Open to all suggestions.

Hello,

I have had the Sony ZV-1 for a while, and i was wondering if anyone had any experience with it - namely video stabilization.

I feel like even with Active SteadyShot turned on in the settings, the footage is relatively shaky, and I like to think I have a relatively stable hand. Would using a gimbal of some sorts eliminate most of the shakiness of the footage without having to apply the in-camera stabilization?