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    1. Final 2024 Oscar predictions

      We are officially one week away from the Oscar's and all the precursors (being the award shows that happen before the Oscar's) have come and gone. Here's where I think the Oscar's will go on March...

      We are officially one week away from the Oscar's and all the precursors (being the award shows that happen before the Oscar's) have come and gone. Here's where I think the Oscar's will go on March 10th.

      Picture: Oppenheimer

      It's a done deal.

      Director: Christopher Nolan - Oppenheimer

      Original Screenplay: Anatomy of a Fall

      After unexpectedly winning the Golden Globe for Best Screenplay it immediately became the front-runner in the category besting previous front-runners The Holdovers and Barbie (which got switched over to Adapted anyway). Having picked up the BAFTA in the same category, it's locked.

      Adapted Screenplay: American Fiction

      Also having won the BAFTA for Adapted Screenplay, beating out Poor Things and Oppenheimer (which BAFTA loved) this is also pretty clearly the favorite to win here. Two weak winners in a row for this category imo.

      Lead Actor: Cillian Murphy - Oppenheimer

      This seemed obvious for a long time, but now that he's swept all the awards it's a done deal..

      Lead Actress: Lilly Gladstone - Killers of the Flower Moon

      This is actually a tight race between her and Emma Stone in Poor Things. They both won the Globe and Stone won the BAFTA while Gladstone won SAG. Gladstone wasn't even nominated at BAFTA (despite the jury being there to nominate minorities) which complicated the race. However, with SAG having gone after BAFTA I think that'll have more influence and give Gladstone more momentum. Also, most of the time when SAG gives Best Ensemble to the eventual Picture winner they tend to go 4/4 in the acting categories.

      Supporting Actor: Robert Downey Jr. - Oppenheimer

      He swept like Brad Pitt in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

      Supporting Actress: D'avine Joy Randolph - The Holdovers

      Also swept.

      Original Score: Oppenheimer

      Original Song: What Was I Made For? from Barbie

      Sound: Oppenheimer

      Production Design: Poor Things

      Cinematography: Oppenheimer

      Makeup & Hairstyling: Maestro

      Costume Design: Barbie

      Poor Things won BAFTA, however BAFTA as a whole did not like Barbie very much. And there's too much iconography attached to the film in this category that I think the Oscar's will go for it over Poor Things.

      Film Editing: Oppenheimer

      Visual Effects: The Creator

      After the branch snubbed both Oppenheimer and Poor Things, it muddled the winner in this category. People initially thought Guardians of the Galaxy 3 would be the winner. But there's pretty severe anti-superhero bias in the category. The Creator won at the VFX guild, it's flashy, it looks good, and it's somewhat of a "serious" movie.

      Animated Feature: Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse

      This isn't as clear as a race as I thought it would have been. Globes and BAFTA went with Boy and the Heron in this category while Critic's Choice and PGA went with Spider-Verse. The Oscar's usually goes populist in this category (eg they went with Toy Story 4 when Globes and BAFTA went in a more artsy direction). So I'm sticking with Spider-Man here.

      Documentary Feature: 20 Days in Mariupol

      Live Action Short: The Wonderful Story of Henry Sugar

      This would give Wes Anderson his first Oscar win, if the Academy doesn't blue ball him.

      Animated Short: Letter to a Pig

      Documentary Short: The ABC's of Book Banning

      8 votes
    2. Living day to day with the weight of existing

      I have no idea how to word this, as every similar post that I've seen has had an obvious cause, in some way shape or form. I, on the other hand, feel pretty shitty even writing this up know that...

      I have no idea how to word this, as every similar post that I've seen has had an obvious cause, in some way shape or form. I, on the other hand, feel pretty shitty even writing this up know that others have actual problems that I am taking that visibility from.

      When I wake up, I get to go to work a job that mentally stimulates me, teaches me new things (both in terms of a legacy system and in terms of new technology), and lets me work from home 3/5 days a week. On top of that, I have a very solid housing situation where I don't need to worry about rent being raised. I have a (reliable) car that only needs routine maintanence, and has very good MPG. I have a dog that I love, and would easily die for without a second thought. I have family living nearby, that, while we don't agree religiously or politically most times, can all get along and enjoy holidays or get togethers.

      And yet, feel like I lied about my life just now.

      When I wake up, the first thought isn't that my dog is waking me up to go out, it is the feeling of the weight that merely existing seems to put on me. As I just stated earlier, my job is not the cause of stress, neither is housing, nor food, nor family. I have no reason to feel the way that I do.

      I've recently (in the last 6 months) started journaling, and the main theme that I have found is that I am constantly thankful for having everything that I do. And yet, tomorrow, when I open my eyes, either due to the alarm, or due to my dog waking me up to go outside, I will have a weight laying over my chest that I can only attribute to the fact that I still exist.

      I try to ignore the news (while staying informed enough to vote properly on candidates), I don't use social media except for Tildes and to share the once a week or two photo on Instagram, and I am both active physically, and creatively. None of this seems to remove the weight. I feel like I am either wasting my existence when I am consuming media, wasting my time attempting to create when others have voices or messages with stronger meaning, or wasting other's time when I hang around them.

      I have no right to complain about my life. Hell, two years ago I would have killed for what I have now. And, yet, I feel like I am wasting what I have been given. I am legitimately happiest sitting out in my backyard with my dog, either sipping a beer or just watching the stars. The issue is, that when I do, a weight slowly lays itself over me, one that I do not know the cause of, or reason for. A weight that I cannot shake, and can only attribute to simply existing.

      I would like so very much, even temporarily, to remove it.

      43 votes
    3. Is an ethical social media platform even possible?

      I've long been uncomfortable using platforms that have a bad reputation with respect to: Human rights / genocide Disinformation Privacy All three of those can be connected with advertising...

      I've long been uncomfortable using platforms that have a bad reputation with respect to:

      1. Human rights / genocide
      2. Disinformation
      3. Privacy

      All three of those can be connected with advertising revenue, among other things. When I use platforms that are shady in this regard, I know I'm colluding with them and contributing to the problems they create. So it's been a relief to see new platforms like Tildes emerge, as well as those based on ActivityPub.

      But even platforms that don't have overt advertising (Telegram?) do have a problem with hate groups that go unchallenged. And I know that if I was running an instance of an ActivityPub compatible platform such as KBin, I mightn't be able to keep on top of moderating things like disinformation.

      So I suppose my question is, where do you draw the line? I've deleted my Twitter and Meta accounts and I'm exploring alternatives, but I'm not sure if I'm going from the darkness to the light, or just into shades of grey.

      38 votes
    4. Feeling lost with mental health treatment

      At 22 years old, after months long assessments, I have been diagnosed with severe ADHD, depression and moderate anxiety. Here is a quick timeline of my experience: May - August : I started CBT...

      At 22 years old, after months long assessments, I have been diagnosed with severe ADHD, depression and moderate anxiety. Here is a quick timeline of my experience:

      • May - August :
        • I started CBT therapy and Sertraline 50mg
        • Gradually I was upped to the a dose of 75mg.
        • In this whole period I did not experience any improvements or side effects, except a loss of appetite in the first few days.
      • September:
        • I started taking Methylphenidate 18mg and went back to just 50mg of Sertraline.
        • From the first day I had felt a sentiment of calmness and control. But it slowly faded away and I still felt I could not concentrate on things or act productive.
        • I also stopped going to therapy as I saw that CBT was not effective for me.
      • October - November:
        • This was a completely different month. I wasn't fully in control of my attention span but it was much better than I've ever been. What was more shocking was how internally I felt at peace and something that I'd describe now as euphoric (as I assume this was just a side effect of the medication). U
        • Until mid november I was actually going around telling people I think I might not be depressed anymore, as I had felt for the first time in a way that I haven't felt since early childhood. I was able to accomplish incredible feats related to discipline and I saw my academic results improving greatly. Unfortunately this sentiment slowly faded away and I was back to my old self by the end of November.
      • December - Now I was upped to 36mg of Methylphenidate and I noticed a much better control of my attention but unfortunately I have not felt that feeling of relief again. And as it seems the effectiveness of the dose diminished from the first few days to now.
        Since December I've had numerous breakdowns, feeling completely exhausted and burnt out. I suffered from classic problems of procrastination starting to work on difficult projects only a couple of days before the deadline and it was all crashing down. I submitted multiple disgustingly low quality pieces of work because I just did not work in time enough but the few days I did work I did incredible amounts of effort and I do feel like the pills helped me stay focused. After this deadline period though I was just met with my normal depression symptoms where I had a long streak of days that I could not even get out of bed or brush my teeth.

      I don't know what more to do. I always knew I was broken and needed help. And for all my life I thought that seeing a psychiatrist is a last resort in case "I can't fix myself" on my own. Now it's been almost a whole year and I am in a critical time period where I need to excel and put in the work but I find myself succumbing to my symptoms while jumping up and down with the doses of some pills that barely seem to have an effect.

      I didn't have many people around me from the start, and many of them would not understand my condition at all (nobody from my family does). But now it seems that even the few that were empathetic I have unfortunately tired out. I've heard my fair share of bad remarks that have gradually demoralised me (ADHD is not real. I'm just lazy. I just like to complain. etc) and due to the fact that I also have codependency problems this has greatly hurt me and made me feel like I am completely alone and nobody cares for my troubles or has my wellbeing in their best interest. Right now I just wish I'd know what to do. I wish there was some clear step by step goal oriented way to "happiness" or at least normality. I don't even know what more to tell my psychiatrist other than how I don't feel well, which is what I've been telling him since the start.

      If you've been through a similar journey, I'd love to hear your experience and any advice you wish you had received earlier.

      33 votes
    5. I donated platelets for the first time!

      Follow up to this post I did my first ever platelet donation! This one was a bit more intimidating than the blood donation. For platelets, the donation takes around two hours not counting the...

      Follow up to this post


      I did my first ever platelet donation!

      This one was a bit more intimidating than the blood donation. For platelets, the donation takes around two hours not counting the onboarding time. Additionally, during the donation, you can’t move either of your arms, as you have needles in both. The blood draws from one arm, goes into a centrifuge where they separate out the platelets, and then your blood gets returned to you in your other arm.

      I was a little worried about how it was going to go leading up to the appointment, but I’m very happy to report that everything went fine! All of the needles went in easily and it was a nearly painless process. After that it was actually kind of boring! They had a screen with Netflix on it, so I watched three episodes of a TV show.

      My least favorite part of the whole thing was not being able to scratch an itch when one arose, which is not so much a complaint as it is an endorsement. If the worst I can say is that I couldn’t scratch my nose once or twice during a multi-hour process involving multiple needles and my blood leaving and re-entering my body, then I’d say it went really well!

      The staff kept checking in to see if I needed a blanket because most people feel cold when donating platelets, but, weirdly, I actually liked the chilled sensation I got? It wasn’t like a regular “cold” feeling; I found it genuinely pleasant.

      Also, the whole experience was an interesting experiment in forced attention. I couldn’t check my phone, so I just watched a show, uninterrupted. I can’t remember the last time I did that? I got home and tried to continue watching it and, sure enough, now that my arms were free I was looking at my email and checking messages and the news instead of paying attention to what I had on. The whole donation session had a genuinely nice, calm, almost meditative quality to it. It was a nice way to start out a Saturday.

      You can donate platelets separately from blood, and platelets have a much lower “donation cooldown” (you can donate them every seven days). I don’t think I’ll be keeping to that rapid of a turnaround, but I’m going to start doing it once a month. One thing I learned from this is that, unlike blood which can be stored for up to a year (edit: turns out it’s only 42 days), platelets have to be used within five days, so they’re pretty much constantly in demand because they can’t be stockpiled.

      Anyway, I just wanted to share my little mini-milestone with everyone here. The novelty of being able to donate as a gay guy still hasn’t worn off for me. I love the idea of being able to do it regularly and support people over time!

      39 votes
    6. I’m worried that the Israel-Palestine conflict is tearing Tildes apart

      Let me preface this by saying that I’m genuinely not trying to stir the pot. I’m hoping we can discuss this in a civil manner. The discussion about the I-P conflict has me worried that Tildes is...

      Let me preface this by saying that I’m genuinely not trying to stir the pot. I’m hoping we can discuss this in a civil manner.

      The discussion about the I-P conflict has me worried that Tildes is tearing itself apart. In the past few months, I’ve seen (at least) one pro-Palestinian user get banned, another stop posting here, and at least two Jewish Tilderinos quit. I get that Israel and Palestine are really important issues, that affect millions of people. But I’ve seen a degradation in the rhetoric, and I don’t want that to consume this place. We all need to “remember the human” behind the screen, and that folks have a view for a reason. I like this place. I don’t want to see it go away.

      I’m sorry if I haven’t articulated myself well. I just had to get this off my chest. It’s been bothering me for a few weeks now.

      71 votes
    7. Smallest folding bike suggestions

      I am currently doing some research into small folding bikes and it is surprisingly difficult to find comparisons online. Reviews are not that great and it seems the folding bike world has...

      I am currently doing some research into small folding bikes and it is surprisingly difficult to find comparisons online. Reviews are not that great and it seems the folding bike world has Brompton-mania.

      My location

      I live in Berlin. Traveling with train and bike would reduce my current commute time from 45 minutes to 25 and I also use car-sharing, often end up picking up friends to drop them off home and being able to go somewhere on the bike and return with a car would help reduce my costs even further. My apartment is tiny, bikes get stolen from the inner courtyard... so... I want to get a portable bicycle that I can just take with me.

      Size

      I am 192cm tall though. I tried a Tern Eclipse and the rid comfort was incredible for a folding bike, but it does not fold into a compact backpack-sized bundle. It Is cumbersome to carry up stairs to the train. I also tried a Brompton and even though comfort is reduced, it is still decent even with 16" wheels.

      Price

      I am currently deciding between the Tern BYB with 20" wheels for 1899EUR, the Brompton C Line for 1550EUR and a Dahon Curl i4 for 1080EUR. I don't see much difference between the Brompton and the Dahon, so I am leaning towards Dahon because of the price. There is a new one coming out this year with disc brakes though... I may wait for that if the price is within the range I listed above...

      Comparisons

      Bicycle Link
      Brompton C Line https://de.brompton.com/p/996/eu-c-line-urban
      Dahon Curl i4 https://dahon.com/bikes/curl-i4-3/
      Tern BYB P8 https://www.ternbicycles.com/de/bikes/471/byb-p8

      Any other folding-bike commuters out there? How the quality of Dahon? Brompton? I am actually surprised how small the folding bike review world is. The Dahon Curl and Tern BYB don't really seem to be on the map for most and the Brompton seems to be the only bike that has long-term reviews from real commuters... I am also willing to buy a used Brompton, but they do not seem to get much cheaper used... I found an older model for 900EUR though.

      Thoughts?

      10 votes
    8. [SOLVED] Bug report: Firefox login

      Comment box Scope: bug report Tone: neutral Opinion: none Sarcasm/humor: none I don't think I have an account on GitLab, so I'll just share this here and tag @Deimos. It's not possible for me to...
      Comment box
      • Scope: bug report
      • Tone: neutral
      • Opinion: none
      • Sarcasm/humor: none

      I don't think I have an account on GitLab, so I'll just share this here and tag @Deimos.

      It's not possible for me to log into Tildes on Firefox. I receive a "Page expired, reload and try again" error every time I try. It occurs in all cases, including:

      • If I'm using a stale tab and if I open a new tab or refresh the page
      • With browser extensions enabled and disabled
      • In private browsing mode with no extensions enabled
      • With Enhanced Tracking Protection turned on or off
      • When I specifically add https://tildes.net as an exception in my tracking preferences
      • When I'm not signed in or syncing data from another browser
      • After I delete my Tildes password from my browser
      • Even when I clear cookies/cache..

      I have only tried this on Firefox desktop, but I found this Git issue from @Omnicrola describing the same problem for Firefox mobile. Some differences:

      • My problem seems to happen every day of the week, not just Sundays.
      • My problem does NOT resolve itself within 24 hours. I have to use a different browser like Cheome to log in.

      Not experiencing this with any other website. Maybe the website/server/browser thinks I'm in a different timezone or something, as theorized in that thread, CSRF and all that, but I've been in the same place for a week or two now. If I go to Web Developer Tools I can see error messages like this:

      Cookie “” has been rejected by user set permissions.

      Cookie “session=abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz12345; Max-Age=31536000; Path=/; expires=Wed, 19-Feb-2025 22:34:16 GMT; secure; HttpOnly” has been rejected by user set permissions.

      Request to access cookies or storage on “https://tildes.net/login” was blocked because of custom cookie permission.

      That links to this page which isn't very helpful because I've already tried that. It's possible that I have some other privacy configuration in Firefox that's screwing with Tildes, but I wouldn't know what. Wondering if anyone else has experienced this and gotten around it?

      7 votes
    9. My experience making maps when I run games or: How I learned to start worrying and hate city maps

      While there were conversations about this in the past, those were much more generalized. Now, I personally don't have issues creating world maps, regional maps, or 'battle' maps, as it were, but...

      While there were conversations about this in the past, those were much more generalized.

      Now, I personally don't have issues creating world maps, regional maps, or 'battle' maps, as it were, but when it comes to city maps... I'm consistently at a loss. That said, I don't want this to just be me begging and whining into the void about how I can't find something that I prefer to make city maps in, so here's what I've used and would recommend over the past 15 years or so:

      Of these, I definitely recommend Wonderdraft the most. I think if you put in enough time and effort, Photoshop can turn out better (and most detailed), but if you're interested in a style that Wonderdraft has support (and assets) for, it's pretty much perfect. It's a one-time cost, has been getting consistent updates and support since it was in beta years ago, and the community assets are pretty much unending. The one caveat to Wonderdraft is that if you want to make an absolute behemoth of a map (like I'm apt to do), it will eat some serious resources and can begin to lag, due to how it handles each individual tree/mountain/path as a singular, editable asset.

      Campaign Cartographer is an oldie that I tried about ten years ago, had some success with (mostly in how it designed continent outlines and things), but just didn't feel like it had enough malleability to create things the way I saw fit.

      • Region/Continent Maps: Wonderdraft, Photoshop, Inkarnate

      I think everything I said about world maps applies here, as well. I haven't used Inkarnate in the better part of a decade, but I know the free version was very limiting and there were some concerns about the company 'owning' anything you created in the program. That said, a brief look at it now makes it look like a more closed-off version of Wonderdraft, but with a subscription instead of a one-time purchase.

      • Battle Maps: Dungeondraft, Photoshop, a plethora of generators that I can't even begin to remember dating back 10+ years

      Before Dungeondraft, I pretty much hated making maps for combat. Early in my GMing 'career', I would just have a blank canvas on Roll20 and draw on details as it was needed, and eventually I just pivoted completely to theater of the mind for all of my combat. And then Dungeondraft rolled around, and it was pretty quick to export from there, incredibly quick to import to Foundry (with a module), and Just WorkedTM. Before that, I did occasionally try and make things in Photoshop, and would follow tutorials from time to time, but it was all just so time-consuming, and with a lot of asset hunting if you wanted consistent art style and detail to what you were doing. It was just so much.

      Which, of course, brings me to...

      Ah, the problems. So, I tried to make city maps in Wonderdraft, but it's very obvious that it was built for a larger scale, and there are a lot of 'hacks' (or workarounds, I guess?) you need to do to make it work, and it can be frustrating and very time-consuming, as there's nothing there to really automate the process at all. For example, Wonderdraft has this beautiful 'paint brush' for assets such as trees or mountains that will 'spatter' them across a set radius, with a set density, etc. This is very helpful for something random like forests, but essentially useless for placing buildings. Dungeondraft is a little better in this regard, but has the opposite issue: Everything is too 'small' and focuses on more grid-based, rigid design, given that it's built for, well, dungeons. And battle maps in general.

      I purchased City Designer 3 (along with a big pack of Campaign Cartographer add-ons) as part of a Humble Bundle a while ago, and I kind of enjoyed it, but it really felt like the amount of effort required wasn't worth the end result, which - at best - would be using art assets designed to give the feel of the maps from D&D 5E. And even then, that limited the asset options because it didn't seem like there was a lot of additional third party support for the program (which is definitely showing age). That said, it's the only one I've used that seemed able to handle good building placement along roads, able to do it automatically. That said, Photoshop?

      Probably the best time I had making city maps. I had to stylize them, but with enough ingenuity, good knowledge of automation (through recording Actions), and following some art style tutorials, you can make a "cheap" city map that's able to have a lot of variation. If you're interested in map design in Photoshop, I highly recommend the tutorials of Jonathan Roberts, who is very much my 'gold standard' for map creation. Unfortunately, he doesn't really update his site any more, and some of the tutorials show their age, but all of the content there is still great.

      Then, we have generators. The ones linked above are the best ones I've found, though the city ones leave a lot to be desired as far as graphics and specific details go. But the village generator for small towns and the like? Beautiful. It's genuinely just a perfect little generator if you don't care all that much about the specifics of the map. So, for most towns and villages, it's fine. But what if it's a town built up against a mountain, that sprouted up around a mine? Well... that's not gonna work. What if it's a town that's split on two sides of a river, protecting passage? No such luck. A swamp town, or one in tree-tops? No, not really gonna work all that well.

      And just last year, I was turned towards AI generation here on tildes, thanks to @atomicshoreline and his fairly extended description of how to set things up. But, I eventually gave up bothering him after my old video card kept having VRAM issues with only 8GB.

      I have seen some very good city maps made in Inkarnate, but I don't know that I'm interested in something that has a yearly subscription, and I can imagine it being very frustrating long-term to invest in something that I've seen issues with in the past.

      So, all of this is to say that I really enjoy making detailed content for my world, but I've always had issues with cities. There's just so much content that needs to be hand-placed in almost every program, and even an un-finished city has taken me well over a hundred hours in Dungeondraft, and that was with me still actively hating looking at it..

      So, if anyone has other suggestions, I am quite literally always searching for new ways to make city maps, and I've tried just about every suggestion given to me at least once, often to the detriment of my bank account.

      Oh, if someone can think of a better title to this post and wants to change it, please be my guest. I just wanted to contribute my knowledge and recommendations, rather than just throw a "give suggestions" post out into the ether, and wasn't sure how to phrase that.

      25 votes
    10. Why you should consider a smaller keyboard

      Intro Whenever smaller keyboards come up online, I often see a lot of the same reactions/dismissals. I've found many of these to be foolish, but also that the community around such devices has its...

      Intro

      Whenever smaller keyboards come up online, I often see a lot of the same reactions/dismissals. I've found many of these to be foolish, but also that the community around such devices has its own barriers. It sometimes is represented from its most extreme aspects rather than someone with a more normal approach and use case.

      So here is yet another pitch on why you might want to consider trying out some of the smaller keyboards out there, and the various advantages it can bring. This will probably be quite long, but I hope it at least is interesting.

      Daily Drivers

      My current main use keyboard's are-
      • Corne LP split 40 - I carry this with me and use it for work and as a better keyboard for my GPD Pocket 3.

      • Mercutio 40 - for my lighter media/older/lower spec game machine.

      • Discipline 65 - for my gaming machine as at the time having the number row still seemed needed (and it just looks so nice)

      • Velcifire wireless 60 - As my other media keyboard since it's wireless and can be used from anywhere and causes my normal friends and family to have less of a stroke if they have to use it. A lot of what i'll say below won't apply to this as it doesn't have some keys and can't be custom mapped. (It's also what i'm typing all this on, much to my chagrin.)

      I've gone through and have owned/own several others but i wanted to be clear about what i'm using in case anyone doesn't have a clue what i'm talking about.

      Skills Required

      I think the only real "skill" you must have to consider downsizing your keyboard is the ability to decently touch type without looking. If you're the sort of person who still hunts and pecks, no judgement, but this is not for you.

      If you're someone who has to code, do data/numerical entry, or type a lot for work, then I encourage you to read on. Those are common barriers I hear thrown out, but in my experience are actually easier with a smaller keyboard.

      Why?

      The normal keyboard for most machines has a lot of dead/wasted space that could just be used better, and has some keys that are important or have grown more important in really poor positions.

      Some main offenders

      1. Capslock - How often do you use capslock? How often do you NEED capslock? If I can convince you of one thing to try out right now it's this, remap capslock (check out powertoys on windows) to left control. As it stands capslock is one of the easiest buttons to hit, and yet it if you moved it over next to Scroll lock you'd probably never mind. A large portion of my job is coding SQL and I never use it because that's what modern formatters are for. Please try remapping it(throw capslock on left control or some combo if you want).
      2. Spacebar- Hear me out, as this might vary depending on how you type. Do you use one or both thumbs to hit your spacebar? If you're anything like me, you use one, and in my case it's the left thumb. This means that I've got a massive portion of my keyboard dedicated to one button, even though I'll never touch more than half of it (you'd be surprised how small you can make the space key and still hit it reliably). Now you might think that you don't need that space, but I'll dive into that more later.
      3. The number row- More on this later, but my brief take on this is that humans are actually pretty bad at knowing exactly where the numbers are when they get away from the home row, and as anyone who's ever had to do lots of number entries know, the 10key/numpad is the way to go.
      4. PgUp/PgDwn/Home/End/Delete- These 5 keys (and control and shift) are great for navigating/editing text/code/spreadsheets/webpages quickly, and could not be farther away from where you really need them to actually do that easily.
      5. Arrow keys- A lot of people think it's fine that they're waaaaaay out there away from everything. I will be proposing an alternative given these are also critical to quick navigation.

      How is smaller better then?

      The core idea is simple. You can find the home row easily with the homing keys (j/f generally have a bump or some defining feature). You're probably excellent at hitting the keys in relation to that if they're 1 step away from the home row. The farther you are from that, the more likely you'll need to look, and the longer it'll take you to press the key even if you don't. So where possible, it's ideal to try and use space more efficiently to keep the keys you actually need to use near this position.

      But how are you going to fit all those keys anywhere near the home row?

      My Keymap

      As an example, to help explain moving forward, here is the keymap for my mercutio 40.

      You'll want to save that json, and then upload it at qmk configurator, which will make it much easier to explore. If you've never looked at this before it can seem insane, but I promise you it's pretty tame ignoring some edge case stuff.

      If you don't feel like going through the hassle here's screenshots from the site with descriptions of each layer.

      Mostly the same as below but i did fix some missing info below so sorry about that. I'm also leaving the descriptions of my "gaming" layers 4/5/6 in the imgur only because I think that's out of scope for this).

      The magic of programable layers and context.

      Space is an interesting key. It's a key only ever really tap, never hold (outside of games, more on that later). So, why not double it up, and make it do something different when you hold it?

      Well in this case, tapping any of my 3 space buttons gives you a space like anyone would expect, but if you hold either of the left 2, it "shifts" you to layer 1 (base layer is 0), and holding the right one, shifts you to layer 2.

      I put shifts in quotes because it's just like the shift key. If you hit 7 on your keyboard, you get a 7. If you hold shift and hit 7, you get &. This is the same concept, and just keep the layers organized in a way that makes sense, keeps it very easy to know what layer what key you want is on.

      The Detailed Layers

      Detailed Layer breakdowns(assuming you're looking at the json loaded into the website or the imgur album)-

      Layer 0 (Base Layer)

      Ignore the N/A's on this and the rest (where they'll be another symbol), as they are optional keys i don't have. Mute is also the encoder knob so don't worry about it.

      It's pretty basic qwerty in the the middle, and tab/left shift/right shift/backspace/windows/the alts/right control are where they normally are, and left ctrl replacing capslock is something I recommend EVERYONE do.

      Space, is still space. In fact all 3 of those spacebars are space...on tap. On hold, the left two "shift" the keyboard to layer 1, while the right one "shifts" the keyboard to layer 2. So just like holding shift + a key gets you a capital version of that key (or a symbol from the number row), holding space + a key gets you something else.

      The left control/right windows key are also layer keys. Holding them takes you to layer 3 and they do nothing when tapped.

      Finally right shift is where it always was, and is somewhat similar to space. If you tap it, you get /?, and if you hold it, you get right shift instead.

      All this to say, that outside of enter, escape, the numbers, and moving control, most people who can already touch type could mostly type on this without any explanation.

      Layer 1(Navigation/No Output)

      Accessed by holding left space.

      All keys that don't actually put a character on the screen (ignoring the left side where i've got some coding stuff but it doesn't really matter).

      Up, down, left, right, home, end, page up, and page down are all in instantly intuitive positions and make navigating anything quickly a breeze (home on the left side since it jumps you to the left/start of the line, and end on the right since it jumps you to the right/end) . Enter, Delete, and Escape are the other 3 major keys on this layer, as they are of course useful, but don't actually put text on the screen.

      The point is that if you're thinking to yourself, "where is that key on this keyboard" and you know that key doesn't actually put a character on screen, you know it's on this layer.

      Layer 2 (Number layer + the rest of the character outputs.)

      Accessed by holding right space.

      I've turned the right side of my keyboard into a numpad that is always under my fingertips(my middle finger is always on 5, just like a 10 key), and since i'm using the number row numbers, I also have access to all their symbols instantly as well by just holding right space + shift. I also have dedicated *,/,+ keys, and the -/_ underscore laid out to be intuitive as well (higher key increases the value, lower key decreases, so multiplying above division, and addition above subtraction)

      Finally we've got the rest of the keys that can output characters but didn't make it to the home row and don't fall into the numpad. `, ;, and . Again they are all basically where they normally would be, but instead you just hold right space and hit the key.

      The other 5 keys that output text are on the left hand side near the home row because they're super useful for coding (I also use | and -/_ a lot, but their positions in this layout are intuitive to me). Having the paren's/brackets under/near my middle and index finger is so nice for all sorts of coding.

      Layer 3 (Function keys, mouse inputs, music controls, and other misc.)

      Accessed by holding "left control" or "right windows".

      The function keys are the exact same layout as the numbers. F1 is where 1 on my layer 2 is. So F5 is where 5 is which means it's right under my middle finger. I put 10/11/12 going down on the left because that made the most sense to me, and so far has never caused me any issues.

      The mouse/music stuff I don't use that often, but it's something I'd like to mess with a bit more.

      I threw capslock on here in the rare cases where I actually need the key because some program or game wants it. I also have Insert on this layer in my live map, but I use it so rarely I tend to forget it until something needs it.

      Finally you'll notice that on layer 3, where the G key is, is a toggle to put you into Layer 4. Meaning that once you hit it, you'll jump to layer 4 and NOT return to layer 0 when you let go. This is explained more on that layer and is totally bonus points. The main point of this keymap is done, and I think this is an excellent layout for productivity (or at least a starting point), without having to dive into lots of complicated or unintuitive concepts.

      The shorter version

      If you don't want to read all of that, the basic idea is that your average person can type on the keyboard with minimal explanation. If they forget where a key is, the other 3 layers all follow rules to help guide them. One layer for navigation and keys that don't actually output characters (home/end/delete/esc/et) and one layer for the rest of the keys that output characters, namely the numbers, which are then also your numpad and ALWAYS under your right hand, centered and ready to go. The final layer is, mainly, for the function keys, still following the numpad from the previous so you can again easily figure out where the button you want is.

      What does this gain you?

      In the end the main benefits i've found are easier navigation, as I essentially now have a navigation layer with every key i could want on it, and much faster access to numbers. I still do data entry and lots of numbers, and having the numpad always one keyhold away is awesome.

      On top of that it's just nice to not have to move my hands so much to type, and to get so much of my desk space back.

      I type just as fast as I do on a normal keyboard for basic text, as there's almost no difference, and I type faster doing code/editing text because my numbers, brackets, and navigation keys are all closer at hand and in such a way I don't need to look or even move my hand from the home row to hit them.

      So is it just all upsides?

      On the typing side, honestly yeah. I've seen a lot of excuses like "well i prefer a numpad" or "how do you type numbers" which I've tried to address in this post.

      The only issue i've run into is gaming, where I already really solved most of my problems as shown in the extra layers in the imgur gallery, and think it might even be better for gaming vs the normal layouts.

      The only remaining hassle is roguelike games such as stone soup or caves of qud, which LOVE to assign every fucking key a use so there's no easy way to remap things and I have to actually add another layer JUST so i can hit the numpad numbers because I need them to navigate....

      BUT unfortunately, you might actually want to acquire one of these keyboards, and that's where stuff gets a little tricky.

      Programmability

      All the upsides I just mentioned assume you can actually program the keyboard. Thankfully this has gotten much much easier with both Via and ZMK making the process very simple. QMK is doable, but difficulty wise it shared a lot of similarities with trying to get the perfect modded run of Fallout New Vegas going with about 20-40 mods. If you are not more comfortable in the tech world, I recommend ONLY boards that support via software. I believe these days anything that supports QMK supports VIA, but it's worth checking on the via website to make sure the board you're about to get works.

      Some assembly required

      The mercutio and the discipline I built myself after ordering the parts. They're through hole soldering and were some of the first soldering I'd ever done on my own outside of a quick kit I bought off amazon to practice. It is actually not that hard BUT you need the equipment. It's not horribly expensive to get but it's not cheap either. I do really enjoy just throwing on music and putting these together, but I totally understand that you might just want to, you know, buy the fucking thing already built.

      Thankfully many sites offer build services (or you can find them on etsey) which charge a fee to assemble it for you. This is what i've done with every corne i've ordered because it is NOT through hole soldering and I don't have the guts for it, and even still they've all had some eventual issues (although again, i carry mine with me in a very unprotected state because i'm insane so some of that is on me).

      Made of money

      Especially if you're paying for the aforementioned build services, these things can get into the 200-400 range FAST, which is a lot for a keyboard. There are some cheaper options out there, and the Mercutio was only $70ish before switches(not bad) and keycaps (range from dirt cheap to ungodly expensive).

      Still I would not recommend ANY of these for a first time buyer. My first smaller board was a 60% mechanical and those range from $70-100 these days from what i'm seeing.

      Take my money....please?

      Sometimes you just won't be able to find or buy the board you want in the way you want. There are lots of interesting boards i've seen over the years, but they're either very expensive or only open for a limited time. I had a working cornish zen that died on me. I'd love to replace it. I cannot as they currently don't sell them. Will they make more? Dunno. I hope they do.

      Recommendations

      I DO NOT recommend diving in head first and suggest starting with something simple like a 60 or 65, probably keychron, as they're a decent budget brand. You might want to go even cheaper with just a 60% off of amazon that isn't even programmable just to see if you outright hate it, but I do think that getting something you can start to tweak as you begin to understand what you want helps adoption.

      Final Thoughts

      I hope this gave some of you the push to look into all this. I'm glad I dipped my toe in it, less glad about the absurd amount of money i've spent on it (dear god keycaps), and really glad about the moment where I thought "huh i really just don't need all these keys" and pulled some out. I hope I can convince a few others give it a shot and hopefully see the same results. No dvorak or home row modifiers and weird triple tap macros. Just some layers and common sense.

      I do still, if nothing else, highly recommend switching left control to caps lock.

      58 votes
    11. Ukrainian forces withdraw from Avdiivka; megathread for news/updates/discussion of Russian invasion of Ukraine - February 17

      There hasn't been a megathread for a while so I wanted to post the latest news as well as a couple other pieces of news from the past week along with a couple articles providing additional...

      There hasn't been a megathread for a while so I wanted to post the latest news as well as a couple other pieces of news from the past week along with a couple articles providing additional context.

      The latest piece of news is Ukrainian forces withdraw from Avdiivka to avoid encirclement, army chief says. This is very concerning and I hope encourages people to continue urging their politicians to find ways of supporting Ukraine in a larger capacity than they have in recent months.

      The other day there was also this article titled Rate of Russian military production worries Europe's war planners. If you don't have time to listen to Perun's hour-long PowerPoint from 4 months ago on the same subject (Russian Defence Production 2023 - Can Russia keep up with equipment attrition in Ukraine?), then The Guardian article is a decent primer.

      It also links to a Foreign Affairs article published in January of 2024 going into more detail about Russia's economic expenditures and its uneven footing: Putin’s Unsustainable Spending Spree: How the War in Ukraine Will Overheat the Russian Economy (Archive.is link). This is a particularly interesting article as it details the expenses as a percent of GDP that have recently made the rounds in the news this week, as well as how military spending as spurred growth in some industries, while others also tangentially related are lagging behind despite the government's stimulus. Additionally, Russia is spending the equivalent of billions of dollars on annexed regions of Ukraine. It then details the consequences of this substantially increased spending and increased wages that may be dislocating the civilian economy in favor of maintaining enough supplies for a further extended attritional war.

      The Guardian article say that:

      New analysis by the International Institute for Strategic Studies (IISS) estimates that Russia has lost 3,000 armoured fighting vehicles in the last year and close to 8,800 since the war began.
      Unable to produce anywhere near that number of vehicles, Russia has mainly refurbished ageing hardware ...
      Russian factories claimed to have delivered 1,500 main battle tanks this year, of which 1,180 to 1,280 had been reactivated from storage, according to IISS. Those numbers, along with reactivated armoured personnel carriers and infantry fighting vehicles, meant Russia would “be able to sustain its assault on Ukraine at current attrition rates for another two to three years, and maybe even longer”, the group said.

      For reference, the landing ship that was recently destroyed by Ukrainian Unmanned Surface Vessels (Magura V5 sea drones), Caesar Kunikov, could carry 10 main battle tanks and 340 troops or 12 armored personnel carriers and 340 troops. Though it's not clear what role that ship was playing, as trains play a significant role in deploying men and materiel to the frontlines.

      Finally, an article I'd meant to post several months ago to just sort of talk about in general terms: What would happen if Russia invaded Finland? I went to a giant war game in London to find out. Has anyone ever participated in war gaming, have a background or took a class on game theory, or enjoyed the history of tabletop gaming that dates back to this war-time activity? Just interested in what people have to say.

      50 votes
    12. What are the best websites/programs for creating mood boards / image collages / 'visual lists'?

      Hullo! I'm very much a list person, but I'm also very much a visual person. So, I've found that simple grids of images work really well for me when I want to plan and organize information,...

      Hullo! I'm very much a list person, but I'm also very much a visual person. So, I've found that simple grids of images work really well for me when I want to plan and organize information, aesthetics, etc. However, I've struggled to find my ideal website or program that allows me to do this.

      My wants:

      • To upload images with minimal clicks. (My workflow would likely be to find an image somewhere, get the image's URL, navigate to a page, and upload via URL, without necessarily needing to enter form fields or save an image locally first.)
      • To display medium resolution images as clear thumbnails (e.g. anywhere from 200x200 to 500x500). Enough for detail, but not necessarily "HD".
      • To offer the ability to crop (or even just display) images as square thumbnails (for the purposes of a neat and uniform grid) without me having to go through https://squareanimage.com (real website!) for every single image.
      • To categorize images into groups (i.e. to display a set of images as a coherent little grid/gallery). I'm not picky about whether this is done via fixed category pages, or tags + filtering.
      • To maybe add extra information attached to each image (e.g. descriptions, links, etc.) without necessarily cluttering the grid.
      • As for whether the service is public or private, cloud-based or local, I don't really mind!

      Some of the options I've tried:

      • Wordpress: Really nice grid-based themes, but the "blog post"-based system feels cumbersome for what I'm trying to do (images only). So many clicks to add images and make new posts.
      • Tumblr: Lovely for content discovery, the quick reblog feature saves a lot of clicks, and tagging is flexible. But, this has many of the same downsides as Wordpress (lots of clicks to upload your own images, post-based system), and Tumblr as a platform is so much more than what I'm looking for (don't want/need social features).
      • Pinterest: 10/10 for content discovery -- their image similarity algorithms and image search are unmatched. Wonderful for quickly spinning up a collage of themed pictures. But, horrid for uploading new pictures, given that they'll become public pins with comments/links/etc. Too many clicks + unnecessary fields. I worry about attribution for artists with Pinterest specifically -- I don't want to perpetuate a lack of attribution with publicly re-shareable images. Also, the collages are very busy with ads and unnecessary text. Plus, it's kind of cumbersome to reorganize images between boards if you want to change your board scheme.
      • Pinry: Open source, self-hosted version of Pinterest. Was a bit too rough around the edges the last time I tried to use it, but maybe it's good enough now?
      • Are.na: A bit too... New York trendy? For my tastes. Also, the social elements aren't really my thing... Also, costly!!!
      • Google Keep: Surprisingly good? Perhaps the best option I've tried? For image notes, it's very flexible with regards to grid-based layouts, tagging, adding optional details, adding multiple images to a single note, etc. My main criticisms are that uploading images and tagging notes does take quite a few clicks; the grid stops being aligned the moment your notes begin to differ (e.g. add images of varying size, add titles/details, etc.), so it can start to look a bit visually cluttered; the UI doesn't seem to be designed with many tags in mind; the default layout shows all notes (I never want this).
      • Local files and folders: Dead simple, but with very few features. Thumbnail views in file explorers are really space inefficient compared to grid-based image galleries.
      • Random photo organizing software: Largely geared towards actual photos taken with an actual camera (real life subjects, camera EXIF data, organizing by date taken, etc.). Too many unnecessary features for my needs, not enough features geared towards digital non-photo images (e.g. graphics).
      • "Speed dial" new tab pages for browsers: Helps me organize bookmarks! I like being able to see the icons, like a desktop for webapps. I will use image grids for everything.
      • Artwork grids in media libraries / tracking websites: Plex, MusicBee, Letterboxd, Goodreads, Anime-Planet... you are heaven to me.

      Here is a gallery of screenshots for websites/services I have tried, to give you an idea of how I use these services. The first one (tumblr) is the closest to visually ideal (dense + uniform grid), but Keep is the closest to ideal feature-wise. Surely there is a website or service I'm missing that could be the best of both worlds!

      10 votes
    13. I'm getting top surgery!

      I know I've seen a bunch of people say they want more positive posts here in ~lgbt, and happily I have the opportunity now! I live in Germany and here top surgery needs to be individually approved...

      I know I've seen a bunch of people say they want more positive posts here in ~lgbt, and happily I have the opportunity now!

      I live in Germany and here top surgery needs to be individually approved by your insurance provider for them to cover it. I got a letter back from them on Monday agreeing to cover it, and as of today the hospital scheduled my surgery for late March! I was expecting a lot more delay between getting the approval from my insurance and when the surgery could be scheduled (especially after the months it took to gather all the paperwork I had to send my insurance!), so I'm super hype.

      My work will give me all the time I need off, and I live with my wife who should be able to take over any tasks I can't do during recovery. As much as I complain about how trans healthcare works in Germany atm, I wouldn't have been able to get this surgery back home in the US for cost reasons. So I'm feeling really lucky right now -- my transmasc friend in college had to save up for years to afford their surgery.

      I'd love any recommendations anyone has for how to make my recovery as easy and comfortable as possible. I've got transmasc friends who have got top surgery, but most of what I've got from them has been "take more time off work than I did" and "drains suck". The surgery is in only a little over a month, so longer-term stuff like "get to a healthy weight" and "gain pectoral muscle to get a better aesthetic" are probably off the table, but I welcome anyone's practical recommendations! Obviously I'll get instructions from the doctor but I figure there are likely people here with personal experience who might have suggestions that a doctor wouldn't think to mention.

      Also, I'm getting double-incision (only real option at my size) and atm I'm erring on the side of not getting nipple grafts. Not a huge fan of my nipples and I want to avoid any potential complications or dissatisfaction with them. I figure if I regret it I can always get nipple tattoos, whereas if I get the grafts and regret it there's not a ton of options. If anybody here has personal experience one way or the other, I'd really love to hear your perspective.

      But most importantly, I'm just so excited that things are finally moving forward at a brisk pace! It's like finally getting the opportunity to stop and take a sharp rock out of the inside of my shoe.

      EDIT TO ADD: oh god I just realized how am I going to keep my cats from lying on my chest

      87 votes
    14. Want to automate my home with a privacy focus (but I'm a bit slow and need help)

      Hey folks - I've been wanting to go whole hog on automating my home, I read through this smart home automation - tips and tricks thread started by @Merry and had a lot of useful information. Some...

      Hey folks - I've been wanting to go whole hog on automating my home, I read through this smart home automation - tips and tricks thread started by @Merry and had a lot of useful information.

      Some of the things I took away from it:

      • Home assistant is pretty great (if you don't mind tinkering)
      • Getting something that will boot back up after a power failure is great
      • Use smart plugs / switches vs bulbs
      • Maintain it's usefulness if there is an internet outage

      Like I mentioned I'd really like for this to be privacy focused and mostly self contained. Sure I'd love to be able to control stuff from my phone while I'm home and also recognize that I'm home or away.

      I just am a bit smooth brained when it comes to even seeing "would something like this work with the wiring / circuity that I have in my home already?"

      If there are any good guides to follow or really specific advice / steps I could follow to begin this process I'd really appreciate it.

      25 votes
    15. Advice on expanding storage in starter homelab/media server

      I've been slowly fiddling around with setting up a little homelab and media server for the last few months. As a web developer, I've always wanted to learn a bit more of the infrastructure side of...

      I've been slowly fiddling around with setting up a little homelab and media server for the last few months. As a web developer, I've always wanted to learn a bit more of the infrastructure side of things, hence the homelab part. The deteriorating quality of major streaming services finally pushed me to set up a media server as well.

      Right now, my setup is very basic. I've been using an old repurposed office laptop. It's a simple dell latitude 5540 I got ridiculously cheap due to it's barely usable crusty keyboard, but since I mainly SSH into it that's not really an issue. I formatted it, doubled the ram, and installed the latest stable Debian release. (Headless)

      After that, I chose to install yams which was recommended here. Definitely saved a lot of time there! Finally, I added an old unisex raspberry pi I had lying around. The idea is that it's the only part of the setup that is on 24/7, since it has an almost negligible footprint. Whenever I want the main server running, I SSH into the raspberry and use wakeonLAN to start the main server. I'm probably gonna make a tiny web interface for that soon.

      Now on to the part I need advice for. The laptop and attached HD are quickly running out of space. I know just slapping on extra hard drives has a limit, and am vaguely aware of things like unraid existing, but am a bit overwhelmed right now with all the information and options in this space.

      Does anyone have some advice on something I can tackle for a reasonable amount of work/budget? Something basic, but with the possibility of expansion in the future?

      Any other tips on where to go next in general are of course also appreciated. (On that note, I'm right now not opening up the server to ingress from outside. I only interact with it on the home network, as I primarily work from home)

      17 votes
    16. How do you date?

      Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Tildes approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts...

      Recently had a conversation with a good friend about dating, and it had me curious about how everyone on Tildes approaches dating. Tell me a bit about how you date! Here's a few prompts/thoughts I'm curious about:

      • How long does it take for you to know if you're attracted to someone (sexually, romantically, emotionally, shared interests, etc)?
      • What do you like to do when you date and does it change depending on how many dates you've been on or how well you know the person?
      • Once you start dating someone, how long does it take you to understand whether you want to date the person long term or whether it's not going to work out?
      • Do you only date people you meet in real life or do you use dating apps? How do you approach going from stranger to dating them?
      • What's most important in deciding whether you want to date someone? Do they need to have an interest in activities you enjoy, shared values, emotional intelligence, a certain kind of humor, or something else?
      • Is there something you don't understand about dating and want to share your frustration?
      33 votes
    17. Northern hemisphere gardeners - share your 2024 plans!

      Please share your garden plans, ideas, and wildly overambitious green fantasies here! Weird and treacherous climate change weather is distorting my garden sense. Normally, it's not a good idea to...

      Please share your garden plans, ideas, and wildly overambitious green fantasies here!

      Weird and treacherous climate change weather is distorting my garden sense. Normally, it's not a good idea to plant anything tender until late May here, but I'm betting we won't get frost past May 1 this year, or nothing that can't be handled with strategic use of row covers and cloches.

      My fingers are itching to get the hot peppers started. I'm restraining myself from starting the tomatoes too early (again!), and the snapdragons and other slow annual flowers are starting to germinate. I could probably sow kale now.

      We'll see which of last year's bulbs survived the critters until the spring. Reinforcement of the deer fencing is happening as soon as the ground is thawed deeply enough to set proper posts, and dry enough to work with wood frames and cattle panel.

      I'm going to get a few logs set up for shiitakes, oysters, maitake, and maybe see if last year's happenstance wood chip pile morels can be encouraged. Fingers-crossed that December's wild garlic (ramps) test planting took hold - if that works, I'll get more slips and expand the patch in more of the shady areas that aren't suitable for much else.

      Depending on how my hands and spouse's shoulders are holding up, there's a lot of digging in this year's permaculture expansion. A couple of Hugelkultur beds, some (mostly?) American chestnut trees, more berries and apples, planting the overwintered pawpaws, and another try at elderberries. I've got vague plans for building a grape arbor this year, but that's going to depend on availability of spouse's hands during the busy winery season.

      Looking forward to hearing from you!

      21 votes
    18. The body keeps the score, even when the memory has been completely erased

      I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please...

      I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please move or delete the post if it's inappropriate. I had something of a breakthrough in therapy recently and I don't have anyone to share this with (for reasons that may become obvious) so I'm turning to Tildes to vomit these thoughts out into the world somewhere.

      Like a lot of us growing older, I've been spending a some time trying to better understand myself and come to peace with the person I am. One of the aspects people around me (and myself) find perplexing is how I'm able to be personable and friendly, even popular in some circles, but given the choice I will stay away from people as much as possible (except for a very select few I can count on one hand). I often joke that if it weren't for my wife and kids I'd probably be feral and live in the woods, bite anyone who tries to get too close. That lady that lived alone in a cave for over a year? Life goals. I thought I was just a mega introvert, but something my therapist and I discussed made me realise that that side of my personality may be (at least partly?) a manifestation of past trauma. So here is my villain origin story.

      I've shared before on Tildes that I was very sick with cancer for a good chunk of my infancy. Whenever someone finds out I had cancer (it's left fairly visible marks, so the topic inevitably comes up) I always say it's ok, I don't remember it at all, so really it's my parents who lived through the trauma, not me, ha ha. I no longer believe that is entirely true. The body does keep the score after all. My therapist pointed out that I must have spent many moments alone dealing with the consequences, unable to fully share or understand what I was going through. Moments where I was physically manipulated whichever way, by people and instruments, dealing the nausea, the pain and the fatigue. I was too young to fully articulate my distress, ask for help (beyond crying) or seek solutions to the problems I faced. So for some moments at least I had only myself to rely on. Did the part of me that would normally seek out others die a little then?

      My parents used to remark that as a child I never cried out, just tears streaming silently down my face. They speak of how I used to play contentedly alone for hours. How I rarely asked for help when I really needed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm able to form relationships with people, and I'm perfectly capable of functioning in society. I do seek out others for company, connection, validation, love, etc, and vice versa. But I can't shake the feeling that there's something broken in those connections. It feels like something is amiss, even if I've mostly come to terms with being this way. I'm left thinking - did the trauma (at least partly) make me who I am? Where does the trauma end and where do I begin? How many of us are potentially totally different people today because the body remembers when we have completely and utterly forgotten? And if that's the case, is that...ok?

      48 votes
    19. RSS users - how do you use, organize and maximize your enjoyment of RSS?

      It's not something I've thought about much until I had a conversation with someone who sets up their RSS reader, and uses it, completely differently to me. I self-host FreshRSS, and typically just...

      It's not something I've thought about much until I had a conversation with someone who sets up their RSS reader, and uses it, completely differently to me.

      I self-host FreshRSS, and typically just use the Web UI provided by that - sometimes I use Android RSS apps to consume from that, but I've never found one I like that much. But I just categorize my RSS feeds by broad theme, e.g. computing & tech, local news, programming, tech news, gaming, business and so on...

      For the most part, I just browse through my main feed a few times per day and see if anything catches my eye. The only exception to this is that I have a few feeds in the 'Important' feed. One example is the forum related to a university project, where I need to know about entries pretty quickly.

      The person I was discussing with never subscribes to anything noisy. No BBC, no Ars Technica, and really nothing that posts more than once per day. They split their feeds into "Important", "Casual", "Videos", "Podcasts" (I never thought to add Podcasts, as I use a separate map) and "Comics". They have it set up with the intention of reading everything that comes through.

      I respect the curation effort that it must take to have an RSS feed where everything is interesting enough that you'd want to read it all. But for me, RSS is a method of discovering content. I don't need it too clean or overly curated. For the most part, I'm just going to skim it for interesting titles and subjects. The most curation I do is removing feeds after a while, if I notice I'm never interested in their content.

      I'm very keen to hear how you use RSS.

      46 votes
    20. CMV: Once civilization is fully developed, life will be unfulfilling and boring. Humanity is also doomed to go extinct. These two reasons make life not worth living.

      Hello everyone, I hope you're well. I've been wrestling with two "philosophical" questions that I find quite unsettling, to the point where I feel like life may not be worth living because of what...

      Hello everyone,

      I hope you're well. I've been wrestling with two "philosophical" questions that
      I find quite unsettling, to the point where I feel like life may not be worth
      living because of what they imply. Hopefully someone here will offer me a new
      perspective on them that will give me a more positive outlook on life.


      (1) Why live this life and do anything at all if humanity is doomed to go extinct?

      I think that, if we do not take religious beliefs into account, humanity is
      doomed to go extinct, and therefore, everything we do is ultimately for nothing,
      as the end result will always be the same: an empty and silent universe devoid of human
      life and consciousness.

      I think that humanity is doomed to go extinct, because it needs a source of
      energy (e.g. the Sun) to survive. However, the Sun will eventually die and life
      on Earth will become impossible. Even if we colonize other habitable planets,
      the stars they are orbiting will eventually die too, so on and so forth until
      every star in the universe has died and every planet has become inhabitable.
      Even if we manage to live on an artificial planet, or in some sort of human-made
      spaceship, we will still need a source of energy to live off of, and one day there
      will be none left.
      Therefore, the end result will always be the same: a universe devoid of human
      life and consciousness with the remnants of human civilization (and Elon Musk's Tesla)
      silently floating in space as a testament to our bygone existence. It then does not
      matter if we develop economically, scientifically, and technologically; if we end
      world hunger and cure cancer; if we bring poverty and human suffering to an end, etc.;
      we might as well put an end to our collective existence today. If we try to live a happy
      life nonetheless, we'll still know deep down that nothing we do really matters.

      Why do anything at all, if all we do is ultimately for nothing?


      (2) Why live this life if the development of civilization will eventually lead
      to a life devoid of fulfilment and happiness?

      I also think that if, in a remote future, humanity has managed to develop
      civilization to its fullest extent, having founded every company imaginable;
      having proved every theorem, run every experiment and conducted every scientific
      study possible; having invented every technology conceivable; having automated
      all meaningful work there is: how then will we manage to find fulfilment in life
      through work?

      At such time, all work, and especially all fulfilling work, will have already
      been done or automated by someone else, so there will be no work left to do.

      If we fall back to leisure, I believe that we will eventually run out of
      leisurely activities to do. We will have read every book, watched every
      movie, played every game, eaten at every restaurant, laid on every beach,
      swum in every sea: we will eventually get bored of every hobby there is and
      of all the fun to be had. (Even if we cannot literally read every book or watch
      every movie there is, we will still eventually find their stories and plots to be
      similar and repetitive.)

      At such time, all leisure will become unappealing and boring.

      Therefore, when we reach that era, we will become unable to find fulfillment and
      happiness in life neither through work nor through leisure. We will then not
      have much to do, but to wait for our death.

      In that case, why live and work to develop civilization and solve all of the
      world's problems if doing so will eventually lead us to a state of unfulfillment,
      boredom and misery? How will we manage to remain happy even then?


      I know that these scenarios are hypothetical and will only be relevant in a
      very far future, but I find them disturbing and they genuinely bother me, in the
      sense that their implications seem to rationally make life not worth living.

      I'd appreciate any thoughts and arguments that could help me put these ideas into
      perspective and put them behind me, especially if they can settle these questions for
      good and definitively prove these reasonings to be flawed or wrong, rather than offer
      coping mechanisms to live happily in spite of them being true.

      Thank you for engaging with these thoughts.


      Edit.

      After having read through about a hundred answers (here and elsewhere), here are some key takeaways:

      Why live this life and do anything at all if humanity is doomed to go extinct?

      • My argument about the extinction of humanity seems logical, but we could very well eventually find out that it is totally wrong. We may not be doomed to go extinct, which means that what we do wouldn't be for nothing, as humanity would keep benefitting from it perpetually.
      • We are at an extremely early stage of the advancement of science, when looking at it on a cosmic timescale. Over such a long time, we may well come to an understanding of the Universe that allows us to see past the limits I've outlined in my original post.
      • (Even if it's all for nothing, if we enjoy ourselves and we do not care that it's pointless, then it will not matter to us that it's all for nothing, as the fun we're having makes life worthwhile in and of itself. Also, if what we do impacts us positively right now, even if it's all for nothing ultimately, it will still matter to us as it won't be for nothing for as long as humanity still benefits from it.)

      Why live this life if the development of civilization will eventually lead to a life devoid of fulfilment and happiness?

      • This is not possible, because we'd either have the meaningful work of improving our situation (making ourselves fulfilled and happy), or we would be fulfilled and happy, even if there was no work left.
      • I have underestimated for how long one can remain fulfilled with hobbies alone, given that one has enough hobbies. One could spend the rest of their lives doing a handful of hobbies (e.g., travelling, painting, reading non-fiction, reading fiction, playing games) and they would not have enough time to exhaust all of these hobbies.
      • We would not get bored of a given food, book, movie, game, etc., because we could cycle through a large number of them, and by the time we reach the end of the cycle (if we ever do), then we will have forgotten the taste of the first foods and the stories of the first books and movies. Even if we didn't forget the taste of the first foods, we would not have eaten them frequently at all, so we would not have gotten bored of them. Also, there can be a lot of variation within a game like Chess or Go. We might get bored of Chess itself, but then we could simply cycle through several games (or more generally hobbies), and come back to the first game with renewed eagerness to play after some time has passed.
      • One day we may have the technology to change our nature and alter our minds to not feel bored, make us forget things on demand, increase our happiness, and remove negative feelings.

      Recommended readings (from the commenters)

      • Deep Utopia: Life and Meaning in a Solved World by Nick Bostrom
      • The Fun Theory Sequence by Eliezer Yudkowski
      • The Beginning of Infinity by David Deutsch
      • Into the Cool by Eric D. Schneider and Dorion Sagan
      • Permutation City by Greg Egan
      • Diaspora by Greg Egan
      • Accelerando by Charles Stross
      • The Last Question By Isaac Asimov
      • The Culture series by Iain M. Banks
      • Down and Out in the Magic Kingdom by Cory Doctorow
      • The Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus
      • Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
      • This Life: Secular Faith and Spiritual Freedom by Martin Hägglund
      • Uncaused cause arguments
      • The Meaningness website (recommended starting point) by David Chapman
      • Optimistic Nihilism (video) by Kurzgesagt
      23 votes
    21. Eye glasses, especially myopia - what's real what's myth?

      Kid's vision just keeps getting worse: it's -3.0 now in one eye. The rate at which I have to get the kid's vision tested and new glasses (plural because kid) is alarming. My husband and I both...

      Kid's vision just keeps getting worse: it's -3.0 now in one eye. The rate at which I have to get the kid's vision tested and new glasses (plural because kid) is alarming.

      My husband and I both have 20/20, as did both our parents before they got old people eye stuff....so I'm really new to the world of prescription glasses.

      What's real and what are just old wives tales? Go outside more, get sun, limit screen time, don't read in the dark, these are kind of obvious but are they scientifically backed? I take super terrible care of my eyes and eyeballs are nearly touching the screens all day and I still have 20/20.....

      Eye drops that fix your eyes? Omega 3 do anything or just in general a good nutrient for everyone?

      Myopia control lenses (Miyosmart) -- legit or marketing hype? They seem to be a bunch of money and the brochures / site reads a bit like marketing nonsense...... How does a piece of lens fix eyeballs?

      Did you get Lasik? Is it still the thing to do for correction, and has it gotten better? Could my kid reach a point where even Lasik can't help?

      When did you get glasses and did the uh, progression (?) slow down or get better with age?

      Edit: what about blue light lenses?

      24 votes
    22. Syncthing on a VPS questions

      I've been using syncthing for a while now and more recently I've started to use a VPS but I find it to be a mild pain in the ass to setup and I'm wondering if there's a better way or just how are...

      I've been using syncthing for a while now and more recently I've started to use a VPS but I find it to be a mild pain in the ass to setup and I'm wondering if there's a better way or just how are you administering?

      I've been just editing the config.xml file and restarting it. It feels clunky editing it in nano especially when I have to delete a folder or remove a device.

      I'm starting up on a new VPS and doing this initial setup again is mildly frustrating.

      Another question, a friend is also going to be backing up some files onto this server (both of us treating it as untrusted), would it be better practice to set up 2 users each running their own syncthing@user service or just have it all under one?

      9 votes
    23. How to avoid making other people angry on the internet

      I have, at times, experienced that opinions I share online fails to win people over, to the extent that the essence of the thread transforms from that of an exchange of ideas into that of a...

      I have, at times, experienced that opinions I share online fails to win people over, to the extent that the essence of the thread transforms from that of an exchange of ideas into that of a shitstorm.

      Curiously, this is seldom caused by me having controversial views. I’m not especially hateful, and I don’t hold any conservative core ideas, such as advocating for an even less equal society or attacking or belittling various minority groups. If it were just that, then there would be no mystery; my views horrible, and for that reason, they provoke a strong reaction. But despite this not being the case, my views, which are truly very civilised and boring indeed, are sometimes intepreted in interesting ways.

      I think the issue is me not expressing myself as well as I could. Assuming this to be the case, what follow is my own notes on how to better get your (mine) ideas across without misunderstandings.

      Beware of the shortcoming of contemporary writing

      Most of todays readers do not read. Rather, they impatiently give the text a quick glimpse, their brain already craving the next bit of novelty. I've noticed this in myself when I impatiently select random random test when trying to get my brain to read a text online. What's more, those who write has begin taking into account that their audience does not read. This has spawned a peculiar writing style which, for the first time in history(?), is designed not to actually be read, but merely glimpsed through.

      It mostly consist of short paragraphs.

      Often just a single sentence.

      Sometimes two sentences. Maybe three. Four sentences are considered the max.

      To help readers easier skim through it.

      Read more: How can you write web content that people can skim?

      If actually read, it has a staccato-like feel.

      Almost like free verse poetry.

      There are other characteristica too.

      • Scattering links throughout.
      • Inserting “Read more about“ references to other articles.
      • Inserting list such as this one.
      • Adding heaps of headlines.

      I guess pretty much everyone have seen this particular style, and, to some degree, adapted it themselves. So there is a tendency to naturally try to boil everything down to a single, ultra-short paragraph. However, human language is not computer code; trying to destill a deeper set of ideas down to a Xwitter-length sentence will inevitably cause its fragile essence to be lost in translation. There is a reason why books are the length of, well, books, and not just the SparkNotes summary thereoff.

      To build upon this idea, note that most dog-whistles comes in the form of a single, short sentence, as the shortness, unlike computer code, make it vague, opening it up for multiple interpretations. Indeed, some dog whistles doesn’t contain any words at all, but consists of a single emoji, such as “milk” or “the OK sign”.

      If you write about more elusive fluffy ideas, ideas where your angle runs the risk of being read the wrong way, your writing has to go all the way, fully exposing your point with absolute clarity. You have to show it from every angle to make your vision travel through the written words and into the mind of the reader.

      Sleep on it

      If you aren’t sure you got everything right, no rush. You can always wait a bit, and go over it later.

      Don’t accidently target other users

      Lets say that someone posts the notorious recipe “Chicken and ham extravaganta”, and say that they don’t think society should go vegan because a balanced diet is better than a green one. You just happen to have a bunch of replies to that. For one thing, flesh food is not traditionally balanced, but centered around the meat, with everything else being mere decoration. Also, there are lots of protein sources other than meat. But most importantly, the vegan movement is not about what is the most healthy diet, but about it being morally wrong to kill a sentient creature just to eat its meat.

      But this is a general argument about veganism. If you write it as a reply to someone recomendinging a “Chicken and ham extravaganta”, you’re essentially calling them a bad person.

      So don’t reply. If you want to push your point, at least wait a bit and then create a new post, so you don’t target a specific user.

      Don’t drink and post

      Nope. Just don’t.

      Avoid provocateur headlines

      I might have given this post the headline “How to speak honestly without being banned for misogyny, racism, transphobia, and fascism”, or maybe “I was banned and censored on tilde.net. Here’s my conclusions.” Headlines which are undeniably more juicy, more clickbaity, if you will. You can almost smell the raising adrenaline. Controversy! Read all about it!

      To me, this is hard to resist, because I really love the aethetic of blatant, vulgar marketing. But it also tends to backfire more often than not.

      Also, even if the actual content of my post is okay, people who have experienced racism or transphobia might not be super thrilled about me playing around with racism and transphobia in my headline. Saying something “jokingly” is still saying it.

      As an aside, me being temporary banned and having my posts deleted was what inspired me to write this post. I don’t have anything much to say about this itself, other than I would have liked it if removed post had a line about the reason for removal, and I would also note that, if you get banned, the red text bleed into be backgrund in a way which is aestetically displeasing.

      Diversity reading

      You might try mentally test reading your post from the perspective of groups which play a role in the content of your post. After all, if you talk about someone, you should be able to say it to their face. Also, it is entirely possible that your post will be read by those you talk about.

      Take the rules for being a good listener, then invert them

      Listening is a skill which most people haven’t learned. So when you speak your mind, it is worth taking precautions for the likely scenario that your readers will not follow the rules for the optimal listener. So let’s try inverting the rules:

      When listening to others, always give their view the most generous intepretation —> If your words can be interpreted as ignorant, biggoted, or fashy, they will be, always.

      Truly listen to others and try to understand them before giving your answer —> Assume that people will skim through your post.

      I want to point out that (in bold and uppercase just for the heck of it) I DON’T SAY THIS TO WHINE ABOUT BAD PEOPLE READING MY POSTS UNFAIRLY. Nope, absolute nope. My point is the exact opposite; I have a deeply held belief that any writer or author who is “misunderstood” could have avoided it by writing better. The writer should be expected to know his audience and know how to write in circles around any potential misintepretation.

      Got that? Ok. Let’s look at what we can do to address those two issues.

      If your words can be interpreted as ignorant, biggoted, or fashy, they will be, always.

      When writing a post, I sometimes get the notion that something I write might be taken the wrong way. But then I forget about it, because I’m busy building a clever metaphor finding just the right word. And without fail, my post get misinterpreted in exactly that way I thought it would. So always listen to that little voice. In my experience, it is seldom wrong.

      This is not just to avoid you getting trashed online. Another more important aspect which is typically overlooked, is that if your post can, somehow, be misinterpreted in horrible ways, it may also be read as such by people who truly hold those views, people who then sees you as an ally. You really don’t want that.

      Sometimes it is a simple matter of changing your phrasing. Other times, directly stating what you do or do not believe is in order.

      Assume that people will skim through your post.

      While you can’t predict exactly how our post is going to be skimmed through, It is likely that they will have read your headline. So use that as leverage to push your most important points, or the general vibe of your post. Your first paragraph is likely to be read too. If your post is longer, you can also add subheaders with key info. You can also use the inverted pyramid structure, leading with the information any reader must know, followed by things which will grant them greater understanding, and ending with the interesting nice to know stuff.

      This is what I got so far! If you got any advice of your own, please share!

      34 votes
    24. Notifications are ads

      This is a thought I've been having a lot lately. It seems like 90% of notifications I get these days both on my phone and computer are ads begging me to either: upgrade a service I already have...

      This is a thought I've been having a lot lately. It seems like 90% of notifications I get these days both on my phone and computer are ads begging me to either: upgrade a service I already have ("you're running out of space on [insert cloud service here] at 75% usage will you please UPGRADE?") or re-engage with an app that hasn't sucked enough of my attention ("we MISS you! PLEASE engage!"), with the remaining tiny minority being useful actionable information. I've noticed too that social media notifications NEVER give you enough detail about something that's going on to not have to open the app directly. It's kind of exhausting to the point where I've disabled most notifications on my devices altogether. I don't really know the point of this post other than to commiserate and to simply open it up for discussion. Thoughts?

      EDIT: WOW this blew up! Thanks everyone for your contributions!

      101 votes
    25. Any books for a beginner Go player?

      Discovered Go not too long ago, finding it quite enjoyable. I know there's plenty of reading material out there, but I'm unaware of what exactly would be worthwhile, especially for someone who's...

      Discovered Go not too long ago, finding it quite enjoyable.

      I know there's plenty of reading material out there, but I'm unaware of what exactly would be worthwhile, especially for someone who's been dabbling around at it for 3 months at most.

      Grateful for any and all suggestions!

      15 votes
    26. My marriage is non-monogamous, and I am considering approaching a friend to propose a relationship with him. I would appreciate some advice from monogamous people (and reasonable people in general.)

      I won't bury the lede - my friend isn't non-monogamous or polyamorous, and that's the crux of the issue. At the least, he has never really considered non-monogamy before. My (31F) marriage is...

      I won't bury the lede - my friend isn't non-monogamous or polyamorous, and that's the crux of the issue. At the least, he has never really considered non-monogamy before.

      My (31F) marriage is uniquely suited for non-monogamy and has been for ten years strong, and my husband (30M) is entirely comfortable with what I'm proposing here. My biggest concern is the risk to my friend’s (30M) feelings and his perspective. So, before I speak to him about it, rather than seeking advice exclusively from people who practice ENM, I am actually curious what everyone might think of the situation. I also think Tildes probably has the only pool of monogamous people on the internet who would be interested in discussing this topic respectfully and approaching it with curiosity or empathy rather than disgust - I know it's a strange topic for most people.

      Essentially, over the past two years I've been spending more and more time with a friend of mine. My husband is a pretty good friend of his, but they are not extremely close or best friends, they know each other through me. My friend doesn't date a lot, and we simply find ourselves drawn to spending a lot of time together, having very long conversations late at night, and doing things like going on a few vacations alone together. We haven't discussed it, but there is an overwhelming sense that we would probably date, had I been single when we met. He's very respectful of me and my marriage, but sometimes we each end up innocently flirting with the other - small compliments about our appearances, comments about how our “love languages” tend to be similar, etc. A few weeks ago he asked me if my husband and I have an open marriage (I don't often share that aspect of my life, my husband and I have been functionally “monogamous” since I've known my friend, and we haven't dated anyone else for quite some time.) I answered by saying that I actually do have an open marriage, yes. His question caught me off guard. I didn't expect him to ever ask because he doesn't seem like the type of person who would be interested in non-monogamy. So, I asked him what he thinks about non-monogamy, and he said he hasn't thought about it much, and has always been monogamous in past relationships. I wanted to think more about what to do next, so at the time I didn't let him know that I was specifically attracted to him.

      Certainly, it may be very wise to accept that my friend is likely just monogamous, as most people tend to be, and simply continue on with our normal platonic friendship as it is. However, recently I'm finding it harder to contain my feelings on the matter, and he doesn't exactly make it any easier on me, because I really think he engages as well. Recently a mutual friend asked me if something was going on between us because she noticed him flirting with me. A couple of friends have agreed that the chemistry seems undeniable, so I don't think this is entirely one-sided.

      At the least, I think I need to be honest with him that I'm attracted to him and open to some kind of romantic/sexual relationship with him. That way, if he says this makes him uncomfortable, I know I have to adjust my expectations and put proper boundaries in place. Of course, my hope is that he might be interested as well, at which point we can discuss what that would look like, but that's a separate topic because first I want to approach this with caution and respect.

      I feel that it's really the sexual element that is up in the air. We already spend a lot of time together, and any purely monogamous person would probably already consider our behavior to be “emotional cheating,” if it happened to their marriage. I don't think most male/female friendships involve endless late night conversations, casual flirting, and prioritizing each other over other friends. To me, adding sex to the relationship seems like a no-brainer since we seem attracted to each other, but obviously most people wouldn't feel the same way.

      Also, imagine the same situation, but with the genders flipped. We've all heard stories of unfortunate women who thought they had a great friendship with a man, only to eventually find out that the guy had been pining after her sexually for some time. My worst fear here is making my friend feel like our relationship was shallow, or that I was just trying to get something from him. But I didn't end up here on purpose, I just found myself here somehow - and I also would be more than happy to remain just friends with him if that's what he wants.

      What would you think if you were a fairly monogamous person, and your close, non-monogamous friend admitted they have feelings for you? Would you be offended or hurt? Do you think there is a tactful way to bring it up? Would you prefer they never tell you, so you can just continue your friendship as normal, or for them to just move on without you if they can't let go of the idea?

      Of course, the only real answer is that I won't know how he feels unless I ask him about it. I just thought I would talk this out with some kind strangers before jumping in. My brain seems quite wired for non-monogamy, and sometimes I struggle to see things from the perspective of monogamous people. Jealousy is not an emotion I have experienced often in relationships. I am flattered when any of my male or female friends admit attraction to me. Some of my friend groups are very queer and/or polyamorous, where behavior like dating your friends or being friends with ex-partners is fairly typical. But this friend is from a part of my life where non-monogamy is not as much of a given. I am also a bit worried about what our monogamous friends would think, as we do spend a lot of time in the same group of friends. I am worried that if he were to meet someone in the future who he wanted a relationship with, the woman wouldn't be comfortable having me around in the group, especially if I am still practicing non-monogamy at the time. I have many worries. Non-monogamy is complex. But mostly, I feel like this could work.

      I know some of you are non-monogamous and I'm definitely interested in your thoughts, but I wanted to specify that I'm open to anyone else's take as well.

      62 votes
    27. Modular storage systems?

      I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future. Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that...

      I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future.

      Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that historically has just "floated around" my living space (cables, adapters, small tools, stationary, batteries, etc...).

      I'd ideally want a bunch of appropriately sized containers that I can organize stuff into. I'd love for each box to be some tesselation of a standard volume, so that I can arrange and stack those containers neatly in a drawer or on a desk.


      If you happen to work with 3D printing, this may sound a lot like Gridfinity, a modular open-source grid storage system. And I agree! Gridfinity's goals completely meet and shoot past what I'm looking for. But I currently have no interest in investing the money or time into buying a 3D printer and making prints. And there doesn't appear to be an obvious commercial version outside of "random" folks on Etsy.

      I also considered getting a Drawer Grid like you'd see in a Maker Space. I might end up getting this if I can't find a better option, though I'd prefer a storage solution I can stuff in a drawer.

      I was curious if:

      • Anyone had any product recommendations that might fit the bill
      • Anyone had any thoughts on the organizational endeavor itself, and if there are any ways I could be going about this better.
      18 votes
    28. [SOLVED] Debugging a slow connection between local devices in only one direction

      [SOLVED] ... well, this is in many ways very unsatisfying, because I have no idea why this worked, but I seem to have fixed it. Server A has two Ethernet ports, an Intel I219V and a Killer E3100....

      [SOLVED]

      ... well, this is in many ways very unsatisfying, because I have no idea why this worked, but I seem to have fixed it.

      Server A has two Ethernet ports, an Intel I219V and a Killer E3100. Several months ago, when trying to debug sporadic btrfs errors (I had my RAM installed incorrectly!), I had disabled some unused devices in BIOS, including the Killer Ethernet port.

      Since I had no other ideas, and it seemed like this was somehow specific to this server, I just re-enabled the Killer port and switched the Ethernet cable to that port. I'm now getting 300 Mb/s transfers from my wireless devices to my server, exactly as expected.

      I'm gonna like... go for a walk or something. Thank you so much to everyone who helped me rule out all of the very many things this could have been! I love this place, you all are so kind and supportive.

      Original:

      I'm trying to debug a perplexing networking situation, and I could use some guidance if anyone has any.

      Here's my setup:

      • UniFi Security Gateway
      • UniFi Switch Lite
      • Two UAPs
      • Two servers, A and B, connected to the USW-Lite with GbE
      • Many wireless devices, connected to the UAPs

      Here's what I'm experiencing:

      • Network transfers from the wireless devices to server A (as measured by iperf3 tests) are very slow. Consistently between 10 and 20 Mb/s.
      • Network transfers from server A to all devices are expected speeds. 900-1000 Mb/s to server B, 350-ish Mb/s to wireless devices.
      • Network transfers between server B and all devices (in both directions!) are expected speeds.
      • Network transfers from the USG to server A also seem slow, which is odd. Only about 60 MB/s.
      • Network transfers from the USG to server B and the wireless devices is about 300 MB/s

      So, specifically network transfers from any wireless device to server A are slow, and no other connections have any issues that I can see.

      Some potentially relevant details:

      • Server A is running Unraid
      • Server B is running Ubuntu
      • Wireless devices include a Fedora laptop, an iPhone, and a Macbook Pro
      • UniFi configuration is pretty straightforward. I have a few ports forwarded, a guest WiFi network (that none of these devices are on), a single default VLAN, and two simple "Allow LAN" firewall rules for Wireguard on the USG. No other firewall or routing config that I'm aware of.

      If anyone has any thoughts at all on how to continue debugging, I would be immensely grateful! I suppose the next step would be to try to determine whether it's the networking equipment or the server itself that is responsible for the throttling, but I'm not sure how best to do that.

      15 votes
    29. Tildes Book Club - Possibly changing the schedule?

      A Couple of library users have said Project Hail Mary is going to take time to get ahold of. Edit Based on responses so far I propose the following schedule We will discuss Cloud Atlas in early...

      A Couple of library users have said Project Hail Mary is going to take time to get ahold of.

      Edit Based on responses so far I propose the following schedule
      We will discuss Cloud Atlas in early March,
      Piranesi in Mid April,
      The Dispossessed in Late May
      And Project Hail Mary at the end of June.

      Can those of you who use libraries, check our four books and see if there is one to start with that is less in demand? Please report back with hold times and we can see if a different schedule works better.

      Books are the Dispossessed, Cloud Atlas, Project Hail Mary, Piranesi.

      Let me know.

      @cfabbro
      @kfwyre
      @slothywaffle
      @DefinitelyNotAFae
      @0d_billie
      @Bifrost51
      @skybrian
      @Sodliddesu
      @kfwyre
      @azaadi
      @fraughtGYRE
      @Nsutdwa
      @PnkNBlck71817
      @chocobean
      @lackofaname
      @RheingoldRiver
      @OnlyGhosts
      @csos95
      @Wes
      @CannibalisticApple

      14 votes
    30. Hosting a company website on our own?

      Edit: I appreciate everyone's suggestions and recommendations! After speaking with my co-worker, I think we'll got with a Managed WordPress solution. Still have a lot more to discuss and figure...

      Edit: I appreciate everyone's suggestions and recommendations! After speaking with my co-worker, I think we'll got with a Managed WordPress solution. Still have a lot more to discuss and figure out, but I suspect that'll at least put us on the right footing. Thanks!


      Hello Tilderinos. I need your knowledge and advice.

      The organization I work for wants to build a new website. Traditionally, we've used an AMS, which is an Association Management System. These are typically used by non-profits, which is what we are, a voluntary regulatory non-profit. It combines a CMS with a CRM in a proprietary package. It's also entirely hosted and managed by the AMS developer, which is typical for these platforms. Basically a turnkey solution.

      We have a web designer/developer-yet-doesn't-want-wear-the-developer-mantle and me, who's really more of a desktop support/low level sysadmin for our small organization. I'm jack of all many trades, master of none.

      Our web designer is really interested in either self-hosting WordPress or even looking into a headless CMS. He wants more creative and functional control over our website than what we currently with our AMS. We are very limited to what we can do right now, since we're playing in the AMS' sandbox with only some HTML/CSS and light JS use. Anyway, from there, we'd use API calls to query the new CRM that's currently being built out (it's a proprietary one, akin to Salesforce) to generate dynamic content.

      I could go out and get webhosting at like a GoDaddy (I wouldn't use GoDaddy) or somewhere like that. I've done that before for some smaller auxiliary sites. Sites that, if they go down for a day or two, it's kinda NBD, while I try to figure out what's going on and reach out to the webhost for assistance. I literally just did that earlier this week on one of those sites.

      But this would be our main website. And we have a global customer and stakeholder base. People are always on our website 24/7. I'm hesitant to commit to doing it this way because I feel like there's so much that would drop into our laps that we don't know how to handle. What happens when the site goes down for some reason? Is there a failover? How do I even set that up? How do we do backups and rollbacks? How about security issues? How do I harden the site and system? What happens if we do get hacked? We've discussed the issues with WordPress, which are many. How do we deal with all those issues on our own? I don't know the answer to any of these.

      Like I said above, we don't have to deal with any of those questions right now. Our AMS provider deals with all that. I'm sure they have a team in a NOC or similar that watches the infrastructure 24/7. Part of what we pay them is so they can handle all that. No way in hell my co-worker and I are willing or able to do all that. And it's not that I'm not willing to learn how to do all this stuff, but to me, this seems like the wrong venue and time to be learning on the fly.

      Idk. Are my concerns overblown? Is it really just as easy as getting some webhosting space somewhere and installing WP or some headless CMS and letting my web dev go to town? I know my co-worker could build the site out. I'm just not sure if I could support it all during and afterwards.

      Any advice or suggestion would be appreciated. Because right now, him and I are going around in circles trying to figure this out, ha. Thanks.

      17 votes
    31. Tips for Docker security on a NAS?

      How do you make sure that your Docker containers don't go rogue and start snooping around or contacting external servers that they shouldn't be talking to? Is there a network traffic monitoring...

      How do you make sure that your Docker containers don't go rogue and start snooping around or contacting external servers that they shouldn't be talking to? Is there a network traffic monitoring program that I could use? Or a service that would notify me about vulnerabilities in containers that I have installed?

      Some background:

      Last year, I asked help setting up my new Synology NAS, and many of you wonderful people offered some really, really good advice. I have recently started to play around with Docker containers more, and I am a little uneasy about the idea that my NAS is home to my files, my own scripts, and Docker containers made by other people, and that it is always on and these containers have constant internet access. I don't have the time (or frankly the skills) to verify the contents of the containers beyond making sure that they come from reputable sources, but I would like to have a bit more peace of mind and make sure that things remain private and secure.

      My setup at the moment is the following: I have a Synology DS923+ and I manage Docker containers with Synology's Container Manager, using docker compose files. I have so far put all containers into the same virtual network (perhaps something I need to think about), which is a separate IP range from my other devices, and has internet access through my DNS. I use Synology's DNS Server (for everything in my home network) and Reverse Proxy so that I can use local domain names and HTTPS. For HTTPS, I have made myself a certificate authority and created the necessary certificates and installed them on my devices. No ports are opened on the router and things like UPnP are turned off. I use Tailscale to access my home network when not at home. And while I have not yet done so, I have been considering setting up some firewall rules, for instance to restrict access to the DSM. I use 2FA for the NAS and its SSH is turned on only when I need to use it.

      12 votes
    32. Any other developers also strongly resistant to adding secondary data stores to their software?

      I'm currently building an MVP for a startup, solo. We've got Postgres pulling triple duty as the go-to database for all normal relational data, a vector database with pgvector, and a job queue...

      I'm currently building an MVP for a startup, solo. We've got Postgres pulling triple duty as the go-to database for all normal relational data, a vector database with pgvector, and a job queue (With the magic of SELECT ... FROM "Jobs" WHERE ... FOR UPDATE SKIP LOCKED LIMIT 1). Every time I go out looking for solutions to problems it feels like the world really wants me to get a dedicated vector store or to use Redis as a job queue.

      Back when I was a Rails developer a good majority of the ActiveJob implementers used Redis. Now that I'm doing NodeJS the go-to is Bull which can only serialize jobs to Redis. They back this with claims that I can scale to thousands of jobs per second! I have to assume this theoretical throughput benefit from using Redis is utilized by 0.01% of apps running Bull.

      So I ended up implementing a very simple system. Bull wouldn't have been a good fit anyway as we have both Python and Typescript async workers, so a simple system that I fully understand is more useful at the moment. I'm curious who else shares my philosophy.

      Edit: I'll try to remember to update everyone in a year with the real world consequences of my design choices.

      16 votes
    33. What's a recent queer milestone you've reached?

      Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy: What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life? It can be something big, but...

      Inspired by this amazing post and the subsequent discussion about the need for more queer joy:

      What's a recent queer milestone you've reached/experienced in your life?

      It can be something big, but it can also be something small but still meaningful. It can be an event (coming out!), a realization (oh so THAT'S who I am!), a feeling (dress go spinny!), a moment (holding hands!), a recognition (they used male pronouns!), or anything else that is distinctly queer and noteworthy.

      Share what it is, what you think about it, and why it's meaningful.

      41 votes
    34. Album of the Week #17: Canserbero - Muerte

      This is Album of the Week #18 ~ This week's album is Canserbero - Muerte Year of Release: 2012 Genre(s): Conscious Hip Hop Country: Venezuela Length: 70 minutes RYM | Listen! (Album.Link) RYM...

      This is Album of the Week #18 ~ This week's album is Canserbero - Muerte

      Year of Release: 2012
      Genre(s): Conscious Hip Hop
      Country: Venezuela
      Length: 70 minutes
      RYM | Listen! (Album.Link)

      RYM review by ligetifan137:

      When you go to Venezuela, caserbero is everywhere you go. His mark not only on the Venezuelan rap scene but worldwide is so tangible it's almost impossible to process he is gone. The power with which he delivers each line, with so much anger as he describes such raw descriptions of daily venezuelan life is haunting, it's so poetic yet so realistic. He was very well read, which can be seen all through out the numerous references of various thinkers as well as laying a very grim philosophical and political groundwork present all around Venezuela. The concept of this album functions perfectly, each song flows so nicely and feels very natural. Even though the beats can be a but repetitive and under produced, they are so overshadowed by his performance you almost forget they're there: it's as if he's speaking to you face to face. A legend to many, gone too soon. Rest in peace

      Discussion points:
      Have you heard this artist/album before? Is this your first time hearing?
      Do you enjoy this genre? Is this an album you would have chosen?
      Does this album remind you of something you've heard before?
      What were the album's strengths or weaknesses?
      Was there a standout track for you?
      How did you hear the album? Where were you? What was your setup?

      --

      Album of the week is currently chosen randomly (via random.org) from the top 5000 albums from a custom all-time RYM chart, with a 4/5 popularity weighting. The chart is recalculated weekly.
      Missed last week? It can be found here.
      Any feedback on the format is welcome ~~
      9 votes
    35. I'm looking for a project management tool similar to gantt but... different

      I'm wondering if this type of tool exists. Basically, I am senior dev of a 3 man dev team at a non-tech company. I maintain 60 or so web apps for our 300-400 users (all internal apps) as well as...

      I'm wondering if this type of tool exists. Basically, I am senior dev of a 3 man dev team at a non-tech company. I maintain 60 or so web apps for our 300-400 users (all internal apps) as well as act as jack of all trades when it comes to SQL, IIS, self hosted and cloud hosted windows server boxes, VMware, etc. Basically, I have a lot of spinning plates.

      We are in active development but we get interrupted a lot. Like, a lot a lot. Because of this, we don't really work based on deadlines but more on timelines. Upper management knows that things get priority over other things and we have to move things around and pivot a lot, so as long as we can explain why a project took 6 more months than we projected, it's fine.

      So having said all that, I'm looking for a timeline system similar to gantt but I want the ability to have more than one "timespan" per task/row.

      So for example let's say I'm building a to-do app and one of the tasks is to figure out the theme/color scheme of the app. I think this will take 3 days, and I don't really need to be more specific than that, they aren't trying to micro manage. However, I got interrupted and pulled off the project in the middle of that task, so I worked on it for 1 day, I had other things for 3 days, and I came back to finish the last two days.

      In this case, in a gantt chart, your task can only be one "timespan" per "row" and in order for me to chart what actually happened, I need to add multiple subtasks to that task and the task ends up taking 3 rows of space.

      This is rough to read and annoying to have to rearrange and insert new subtasks and rearrange subsequent tasks along the timeline.

      Is there a tool out there that handles this more "ad-hoc" scheduling that I'm looking for?

      Ideally what I would like is for me to be able to put together a full estimate of time for the project (say 3 months) with the ability to cascade schedule changes down when a task in the middle goes on longer than expected or gets interrupted.

      I would like to have categories or color mapping so we can see which timespans are interruptions and which are tasks done and tasks to do.

      Am I asking too much? Does gantt have this ability and I've not found the right vendor?

      Right now my temporary solution is excel but it's a beating to have to go shift things every time I have an interruption, I feel like I spend more time explaining what happened than I do actually programming, haha

      Edit: I've seen things like Monday.com and Microsoft project, but these are really heavy and too specific for my needs, I don't want a lot of context or setting up a kanban board or anything like that, I just want effectively an interactive timeline with simple "I'm doing this for x days" and not much else in terms of percent complete, details of the task, sprint integration, etc.

      Think trello in complexity, just time-based and sideways 😅

      I don't want to be a project manager, I don't have time for that - I just need the ability to quickly track interruptions and be able to use it as backup if upper management comes poking around

      24 votes
    36. Layoffs, survivor guilt, and existential dread

      The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened. The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea...

      The company I work for laid off half of my office this week. I'm one of the survivors, and trying to process what happened.

      The company has been transparent about revenues. However, we had no idea that we would be so badly penalized for management choices that created significant operating cost overruns in the face of a projected short-term demand decline. I've lost half the members of my immediate team, good friends, people whose work and thoughtfulness I deeply respected. The entire department structure is being upended. The harshness of the selection for people who were being laid off included a teammate who's in the hospital, parents of young children, people on the edge of retirement. I'm suspicious and extra hostile towards the company - it's very significant to me that all the people of color and people who've had recent medical leave are among the lost.

      It's not the first time I've watched and survived a company's poor management and bad choices, but this is by far the worst. I've worked very hard at staying professional with the customers this week. I'm still inwardly seething with rage. I'm trying to figure out how to be supportive to the people who are leaving. I'm trying to figure out how to help a team lead who's in his first management job, and is totally devastated and nearly frozen with helplessness. I'm decent at my job, but don't know why I was kept and others with equal or greater skills were let go. I don't feel good about what qualities I might have had that corporate desired to keep - dutifulness, compliance, amiability, reticence?

      At the same time, I'm looking at months of double workload even though corporate management claims they'll outsource part of the duties (so that's another symptom that I'm replaceable) and manage the task pipeline. There's a frankly insulting retention bonus if I stay for another year. We've gotten the usual anodyne HR garbage about the employee assistance program and coping skills. The corporate management's left us with the ominous "stay tuned for further announcements over the coming weeks".

      I don't have a lot of choices here. I'm trying hard to stay focused on the present, without looking over the cliff of dread at the future. At the moment, I'm the sole support for our household and source of health insurance. My spouse is badly burnt out, and I don't want him to look for work a minute before he's healthy and enthusiastic about a job. I'm a late-50's end-career professional who wouldn't normally have much interest in restarting yet again elsewhere. I very deliberately chose this company, job and location, liked the work I was doing, the people I was doing it with, and I was looking forward to building on it. There's still the possibility that our half-vacant remote office will be closed and consolidated with the corporate headquarters. I have less than zero interest in relocating, and plan to keep separated coworkers who live here as personal friends.

      I'll be grateful to hear any advice on coping with this situation, and hope the replies will be helpful to others in future.

      47 votes
    37. Career advice (or success stories) thread

      I've seen a few posts on Tildes now about careers - sometimes personal posts about burnout and how to manage it, other times links to articles about layoffs. The end result of both of these is...

      I've seen a few posts on Tildes now about careers - sometimes personal posts about burnout and how to manage it, other times links to articles about layoffs.

      The end result of both of these is often a need to find a new job. For some it may be as simple as applying for the same title at a different company and having success, for others it may be a long process of determining what type of career to go for next and perhaps education or other factors that can help them get there.

      I wanted to try starting a thread to see if those of us who are struggling can ask for advice, and perhaps those who are doing well can help or even post their career journey to show how they got where they are today.

      37 votes
    38. Learning and studying things without taking notes

      I'm curious if there's anybody here who's like this. Either doing it without writing things down, or doing it minimally. I don't know why but I find it very difficult to do, and it stops me from...

      I'm curious if there's anybody here who's like this. Either doing it without writing things down, or doing it minimally. I don't know why but I find it very difficult to do, and it stops me from actually learning/studying. I feel like it slows me down, significantly. It also feels like a chore. I feel like part of this may be because I'm in information security? Like, there's a lot of reading and researching going on, then immediate practicing and applying. Even when I have to take tests. I just read and listen or whatever else and that's it. Maybe in other fields, taking notes is a big thing, or maybe it's just me. I also have other interests, but yet still, I simply can't bring myself to write things down. I just prefer to absorb everything, in whatever pace I like, sometimes it's slow, sometimes it's fast. If I ever decide that I'm going to take notes while learning/studying, I'd stare at my notebook/software for a very long time. I'd sit with one chapter/slide for quite awhile. At the same time, I truly admire people who take notes and write stuff. I do wish I was like them sometimes. Is anybody out here the same? Even though I really want to hear from people who are similar, everyone else can join the discussion too. What do you do? How do you do it? What is your preference? Do you think there's a "better" way to do things? Could taking notes be "superior" to the opposite?

      27 votes
    39. What should be included in a beginner toolkit for a teenage child doing small builder projects?

      I have a teenage child. They're going to be doing "design and tech" at school, and they've shown an interest in light maker / builder projects. I want to put together a small toolkit for them. The...

      I have a teenage child. They're going to be doing "design and tech" at school, and they've shown an interest in light maker / builder projects.

      I want to put together a small toolkit for them.

      The difficulty I'm having is that when I look at precision screwdrivers I pick a Felco set for £80. For regular screwdrivers I pick either Felco, Wira, Wiha, or Sandvick Bahco. This is probably a bad idea - they're going to end up with a lot of very expensive kit that they will not appreciate yet.

      The other thing I'm struggling with is knowing which bits of kit are essential and which are nice to have.

      I'd be really grateful to hear your thoughts about this kit. I'm especially interested to hear discussion about balancing "good enough" with "avoid garbage" -- I do prefer to spend more on quality rather than buying cheap buying often.

      Screwdrivers:

      A handle and a set of bits to fit the handle - £10
      A set of weird bits (security, hex, torx) to fit the handle £5
      Screwdrivers - pz1, pz2, 4 flat head screw drivers in sensible sizes (still working this out) (probably stanley FatMax) - £30

      Snips - they're getting my Bahco snips and my ancient lindstrom snips. I want to get them something they can destroy through misuse, so I'll buy something for around £15

      Pliers - needlenose serrated pliers £10
      Pliers - big pliers - they'll be getting my ancient RS pliers.

      Wire strippers - I like the scissor type that have a range of holes. A nice pair is about £20.

      Wrenches and spanners - I have three adjustable spanners in different sizes. I'm looking at micro-ratchets, so something like Kerr or felo (xs33) (but the felo is expensive!!) or Bahco 2058/S26 for £20

      Soldering iron - I'm super tempted to just get Hakko's intro model for £100-£150. But I don't know whether I should go instead for some cheap thing like tenma. My own preference for me is strongly Weller - I used weller irons for decades and they were so solid and robust for what I was doing, but not a great choice for tinkering about. I'm struggling to understand the build quality of Tenma bought from a reputable company. I don't want my child fixing things in a mains powered box.

      I need a tool box to put it all in.

      I need some kind of cutting and filing tools - cheap set of files and a little handle.

      I need some measuring equipment - I don't know whether to include a nice set of steel rules or a cheap digital calliper.

      Alongside all this there will be a dremel multitool and some useful accessories for it.

      And also safety equipment - dustmasks, eye protection (from a reputable supplier!!)

      22 votes
    40. Single-player games to play with my partner

      My wife and I have just finished playing Chants of Sennaar together. I know it's a single-player game, but working on the puzzles together is very satisfying, and the controls are simple enough...

      My wife and I have just finished playing Chants of Sennaar together. I know it's a single-player game, but working on the puzzles together is very satisfying, and the controls are simple enough (i.e. point and click) that it doesn't feel like the person controlling the game is "playing" the game, and we can discuss what's going on at our own pace.

      Does anyone have any suggestions for other, similar games with (a) relatively simple interactions that let us play the game together, and (b) an interesting, engaging, and beautiful story?

      I've seen a lot of recommendations for Obra Dinn as a similar game around gaining and then applying knowledge in order to solve the puzzles of the game. I confess the style isn't quite as appealing, but maybe we should give that a go next. Alternatively, Heaven's Gate looks like it's more explicitly a similar game about translation, but doesn't look like it'll be as easy to play together. I also thought about more old-school point-and-click games, but from everything I remember about those, they were less about figuring out puzzles with logic, and more about trying all the items in your inventory until something works...

      54 votes
    41. People with a "second brain": Why? How?

      I've been looking around at different note-taking apps (Notion, Obsidian, Anytype, Joplin, Logseq, etc.) after seeing a few videos about the idea of having a "second brain", and only how has the...

      I've been looking around at different note-taking apps (Notion, Obsidian, Anytype, Joplin, Logseq, etc.) after seeing a few videos about the idea of having a "second brain", and only how has the the thought popped into my mind, "What's the point?". A “second brain” seems like it would require spending too much processing power on something that only exists to exist. What are the chances there you're going to remember any given thing after writing it down? You haven’t filled up your first brain yet. This all sounds very pessimistic - my intention is not to insult anyone's choice to use these tools, but I'm curious of what benefits people have gotten from their "second brains". Maybe I'm just the wrong kind of person for it, or maybe it's just that I'm not used to writing things down.

      Edit: I'm coming to an interesting conclusion that many people use their version of a second brain for things they need to do. This isn't really what I was referring to, I was more looking at it as a form of journaling or personal research, which might be less common?

      33 votes
    42. I donated blood for the first time!

      Follow-up to this post (Summary: previously ineligible to give due to US FDA rules aimed at gay/bi men which were changed last year, then subsequently ineligible due to anemia which was resolved...

      Follow-up to this post
      (Summary: previously ineligible to give due to US FDA rules aimed at gay/bi men which were changed last year, then subsequently ineligible due to anemia which was resolved with an iron supplement)


      I gave my first ever pint of blood this weekend!

      The appointment went fine. I was a little nervous about the needle going into my arm, but I barely felt it. Taking the bandage off afterwards hurt way more! Even the finger prick at the beginning was worse. The actual blood donation part of the whole thing was painless and effortless.

      I had no idea that the machine rocks your blood bag back and forth while it’s filling. As I sat there killing time during the donation, I watched my blood in its little cradle. It felt cute in a weird way?

      Once my donation is processed, I’ll finally learn my blood type. My husband and I plan to start doing this regularly. There’s a donation center near(ish) us that’s easy to get to, and the staff were great. I might even try a platelet donation eventually, though that one intimidates me a bit. The idea of 2-3 hours with no use of either of my arms makes me nervous.

      Anyway, I know donating blood is not a huge deal or anything, but I wanted to share a little mini-milestone of mine. As a gay guy, I spent a big portion of my life assuming I’d never be able to donate blood, so it feels really cool to finally get to do it!

      28 votes